Archive of Our Own

“I just don’t get it.” Norton scowls, running his fingers through his hair. His face is flushed with intoxication - Demi stopped counting once he reached his fourth-or-fifth-or-something-like-that drink, and she gets the feeling she should stopping him from drinking any more. Even Jose usually knows better than to indulge himself to such an extent, but then Norton doesn’t seem particularly in control of himself at the moment. 

“Hold that thought, dear.” Sighing, she stands to go grab a glass of water, taking the current bottle out of his hand and slipping the glass in in one fluid motion. He doesn’t seem to notice, continuing his rant as though nothing had happened.

“It’s like… how does he put up with me? Is he putting up with me? God, Demi, what if he hates me? Or if he’s only dating me because he’s taking pity on me? Don’t I annoy him?”

Internally, Demi wholeheartedly agrees with that point. This whole spiel was a lot more endearing the first ten times around, but frankly she’s just about had enough of listening to his same complaints over and over again when they could just talk to each other. Of course, it could never be so easy: the very reason she’s still listening to him now instead of forcing them together is because she knows Norton could never say any such thing while sober. The contrast between his sober self and drunk self is stark - she’s heard people call him insensitive or oblivious, but she’s seen enough of these displays to know that his internal thoughts are anything but. 

She hadn’t taken him for an emotional drunk at first, but after getting to know him a little better, it really does suit him. The man’s very good at hiding his demons, it would seem. 

Pressing his face to the counter, he mumbles something that she doesn’t immediately catch.

“Hm? Could you say that again, love?” 

Norton lifts his head back up to pout at her. It really doesn’t fit in combination with his other features, taking her by surprise. Yes, he tends to sulk; no, he doesn’t usually show it so obviously.  

“Are you even listening?”

“Of course I am.”

He looks away again, and Demi suppresses a giggle. Despite appearances, he can be quite childlike. 

Or maybe not. 

“I love him,” he murmurs. 

Huh?

“Huh?”

“Don’t make me say it again!” Maybe his face isn’t red just because of the alcohol. 

It’s not that Demi didn’t know this - no, Norton makes it clear as day, and he’s been all too obvious even before he asked Naib out - but the three words weren’t what she expected to hear from him. Norton Campbell is stubborn as a mule , or so she’s been told in passing. Right now, though, he’s so innocent that it feels wrong. 

“Just… I love him.” He tastes the words on his lips, and Demi can only imagine they taste sweeter than any drink she could concoct. “But is it enough?” 

He’s long since downed the glass of water she had given him, setting it aside roughly. “I’m so…” Norton gestures at himself, leaving the rest of the sentence to dangle in the air. “And he’s so him .”

Truly a maiden in love. 

“I don’t deserve him,” he hiccups. “He’s - he’s got everything, Demi, why should he need me? I’m clingy and jealous and I can’t do anything and he’s got so many friends and probably a million other people who love him like I do and he forgives me even when I’m stupid and don’t deserve it and - god, this is stupid.” She doesn’t have the heart to tell him he’s already said that, watching him with wide eyes.

His lip trembles a bit as he avoids eye contact, fidgeting with his clothes. “We don’t even argue anymore. Feels like I’m not worth the trouble to him.”

A slow inhale, a shaky exhale. Every time, he says something new; every time, he takes her by surprise. 

“Did I fuck things up by confessing to him? I bet he accepted to be nice, I bet he doesn’t know how to treat me anymore. Should I take responsibility and be the one to break up with him so he doesn’t have to have that on his conscience? I’m a terrible person. I shouldn’t want him to be miserable and deal with me just so that I can have him to myself.”

And now he’s drawing conclusions out of nowhere. In general, Demi doesn’t really talk much in these types of conversations: she’s always been told that she’s a good listener, but that comes from the fact that she rarely tries to interject with things people don’t want to hear. Typically, people come to her when they just want to talk, and she’s never had a problem with that - up until now, that is. 

But having been exposed to part of Norton’s inner thoughts makes her more than a little uncomfortable. If this is just the shallowest part of what he thinks, who’s to say what other destructive ideas have rooted themselves in his head? Not prying is one of her personal rules, ensuring that all her patrons stay within their comfort zones, yet she can’t help but want to overrule that just this once. Really, this man worries her. 

For now, it’s not her place to try and solve his problems. Excess interference usually leads to more harm than good, especially when most of the people she talks to aren’t necessarily… in best condition. Though they’ve drifted into silence at this point, Demi’s taken note of Norton in specific. Regardless of whether or not it’s her business, she still doesn’t want to let go: his mind seems to be a bad, bad place to be. 

“Do you want me to walk you back to your dorm?” Demi can tell Norton’s drifting off, beginning to lose his fire.

“It’ll… be fine. It’s not too far away.” He pushes himself up abruptly, consequently stumbling down. If she can’t do anything else, at least she should make sure that he makes it back safe. It’s a simple kindness that she can offer, after all. 

“I insist.” It’s not like there’d be anyone else around at this time anyway: she closed up early just to give him time to talk, though she’s not even sure if he’s aware of this or too lost in his own mind to notice the things around him. 

Grunting, he doesn’t object any further, and Demi allows him to throw an arm around her shoulder as they make their way back together. 

—

Meanwhile:

It’s not un common, per se, for Naib to call Eli at absurd hours, this being a perfect example thereof. Still, the content of these calls tends to be worrying, given that Naib usually tries to head to bed early. Though they haven’t really talked about it, Eli has the general idea: Naib has a hard time falling asleep, so the more time he has to try and slip into unconsciousness the better. Usually, he only ever calls for very very last-minute questions in regards to certain assignments that he’s procrastinated on, or else he’s either unable to fall asleep or unable to fall back asleep from a nightmare. Today is a little different: there doesn’t seem to be any work left uncompleted, but Naib doesn’t sound very tired either. His opening line is an interesting one:

“Am I being a good boyfriend?”

While Eli would love to simply tell him that it’s three in the morning and he should be heading back to bed, that would make him a massive hypocrite. Besides, it’s not like him to turn down someone in need. 

“What do you mean?” He could certainly just shut him down with a curt ‘yes’, but that’s not the answer Naib is looking for. 

Over the line, Naib makes a pained noise. Eli can hear the sound of him flopping onto his bed and wonders - not for the first time - if his roommate doesn’t mind the noise. His own roommate is perpetually absent during the most fascinating hours of the day, but since the two of them tend to mind their own business anyway, neither particularly cares to ask towards the other’s sleeping habits. 

“I don’t really know. It’s just a gut feeling.”

“And what is this gut feeling telling you?”

“Norton just doesn’t seem happy, you know? I’m trying to treat him normally ‘cause I thought that that was what he would want, but…” Another ambiguous groan. 

“What exactly does ‘normally’ entail?” Honestly, these two. Their relationship is a cute one to watch develop, both of them so clearly enamoured with one another, but their lack of communication is definitely going to be their shortcoming. Though Norton tends to be more of a loner, Eli’s still close enough to call him a friend, and he knows that they both have their individual insecurities that need to be addressed by the other. 

“Just - Martha told me that I should be nicer if he’s my significant other, so I’ve tried to tone things down. Vera overheard and said I should be less easy, but… he just seems kind of disappointed.”

Of course Naib would notice something like this. How utterly infuriating that the two of them know each other so well as to be able to read one another like this, yet only be able to interpret the negative emotions that resonate off of their partner. It’s like they’re looking for an excuse to feed their respective self-doubt. 

“Hmm…” Eli thinks he knows what’s happening, and he also thinks that nothing will change if he gives the answer immediately. Naib wants reassurance, but Eli’s not the one he should be seeking it from. “I’m not too sure myself.” 

“It’s like everything I try to do only pushes us apart. What if I ruin this relationship before it even has a chance to become something?” Naib sounds uncharacteristically desperate, but Eli has to remind himself that it’s for his sake that he’s doing this. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“You know I can’t just do that, Eli.”

“And why not?”

He can hear Naib’s scowl embedded in his words. “I just can’t.”

“You’re dating now, aren’t you?” Eli lets a little bit of laughter slip into his voice. “I still remember how ecstatic you were when you told me he was the one to ask you out. Isn’t it time you take initiative and do him the favour of asking?”

“Shut up.”

He knows he’s won.

“I won’t say whether you’re a good boyfriend right now, but if you refuse to talk to him, then I think I can already draw a conclusion from that.”

“You’re insufferable, you know that?”

“I do.”

Naib hangs up and Eli sets his phone aside, chuckling all the while. He doesn’t want to trivialize his friend’s concerns, but if only he could see the way Norton looks at him… what a shame he’s so worried about being better than he already is to realize that his current self is the exact way that Norton likes him.

—

So it goes.

They’re irritatingly and paradoxically close and not-close: there’s an invisible distance between them, yet they also share this infinitely intimate knowledge of one another. Norton’s never minded loving from a distance - perhaps it would have even been better that way, allowing him to admire Naib without tarnishing what they had. In fact, it was probably Demi yet again who had pushed him to confess his long-held feelings. Isn’t it enough that Naib said yes? Shouldn’t he be celebrating the very fact that he’s able to say they’re in a relationship?

And yet. 

And yet it doesn’t feel like enough, precisely because they’re in that relationship. Where they were once able to easily walk hand in hand, it’s like it’s all been reset: now they tentatively keep a distance of an arm’s length, always afraid of that nebulous space between friendship and romance. The things that he fantasized of in his dreams have never come to reality, all because a dream is so different from the painstakingly embarrassing feat of asking Naib to hold his hand. 

To be honest, Norton’s not a hundred percent sure of everything he told Demi, but waking up with a scrawled note beside his pillow and a murderous headache tells him enough about what he had done. 

‘Norton:

You might be a bit dumb, but I’m sure you know what you should do.

I believe in you, so have faith in yourself, darling!

- Demi’ 

Yes, he does, but she makes it sound so easy. When he can’t even ask for Naib’s warmth, how is he supposed to have this kind of conversation with him? He shakes his head. There are more important things he should focus on, like his studies - he’s got a certain dissertation awaiting him, tauntingly blank. 

(Maybe if he distracts himself enough he’ll be able to be satisfied with the current state of their relationship.)

Their texts are stale and bland nowadays, Norton too scared to offend and Naib far too nice. His innate kindness is one of the things that he loves, yes, but as far as he knows he wasn’t so openly gentle-hearted in the past. 

( Aren’t you being selfish? )

Maybe Norton just didn’t know Naib well enough in the end. He should love him for who he is instead of asking for more, but - 

But - but - 

He’s forcefully dragged out of his thoughts by Eli. “Earth to Norton? I’ve heard a certain someone is looking for you.” A cheeky grin is on the brunet’s face, which Norton is immediately wary of: he’s never really been able to name it, but something about Eli has always put him off. Other than his obvious teacher’s-pet tendencies, he’s always so gratingly happy-go-lucky, yet nothing ever takes him by surprise. Norton’s never seen that too-wide smile wiped off his face: everything is always part of his plan. 

“Who?”

“Just come with me and you’ll see.” 

Blame the headache, but Norton follows without further questions. A part of him is just tired of all these thoughts, unwelcome intruders. Together they walk for a good five minutes, no conversation between them: Eli ignores everything Norton says or asks. 

Finally, they arrive in a cafe. Norton’s more confused than anything at this point, but when he turns to ask Eli what the hell he was thinking, he sees that the bastard’s already disappeared. Before he can escape, however, a familiar voice calls out to him:

“Norton?”

Oh, hell. 

He turns to see Naib waiting at a table, his phone in hand. 

“Were you the one Eli said was looking for me?”

Naib frowns. “Eli? Huh… I was abducted by that barmaid and told to wait here for a ‘special someone’, and I quote.”

“Hmm.”

A few seconds of awkward silence pass before Norton’s phone ding s, an exasperated-sounding Eli sending but a single message:

Go sit down with your boyfriend and talk.

Given Naib’s expression, he must have received a similar message. 

“Well - do you want to get something to drink?”

“Sure.”

It’s so stupid, how they can’t even talk properly anymore. This is all Norton’s fault for aiming for something he doesn’t deserve - if only he could turn back time, tell his past self that he should be satisfied with just being close friends. 

Well, it is what it is, and he can’t do a thing about it. Together, they purchase coffees, Norton seating himself across from Naib hesitantly. If nothing else, at least he has these little things to himself: no longer does he have to worry about sharing in an exclusive relationship. 

“Uh-”

“So-”

They both speak at the same time, a flustered Norton cutting himself off. What’s he supposed to do, read Naib’s mind?

“Sorry, you can go first.”

“No, it’s fine, you started anyway.”

A bit of back and forth until Norton finally gives in: “How were classes today…?”

“They were good. You?”

Every time they speak, it only gets more and more awkward. 

He can’t stand it anymore. 

“Naib?” he cuts in, interrupting something else that Naib was saying. 

“Hm?”

“Do you…” Nervewracking, it really is. 

Stop, go back . (But there’s no going back.)

 “Are you really happy with this? With me?”

So the damning words have been uttered, and Naib stares at him, wide-eyed. When it gets unbearable, Norton backtracks. 

“Sorry. You can pretend I didn’t say that.”

This seems to shake Naib out of his stupor. He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s supposed to be my question, Norton.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you disappointed in me? You never seem happy when we’re together - not that it’s your fault. I should…” His voice trails off as he sees something in Norton’s face. 

“Me? Disappointed in you? I could never be. I’m the one who made this so…” Somewhere in the back of his head, he’s aware that other customers at this coffee shop are unabashedly staring at them, one even visibly recording them. Great, now his humiliation will be forever recorded in history: knowing he has an audience, he has to make sure that the stupid embarrassing tears don’t drop. 

Norton… is not very good at controlling himself. 

“Hey, don’t cry,” Naib says, panickedly searching for a napkin to wipe his eyes with. Here’s an echo of what they were like before Norton screwed things up, but it still feels so forced and unnatural. 

“’M not crying,” he replies, definitely crying. He wipes at his eyes harshly. “I just miss you.” It comes out as a whisper, but Naib catches it anyway. Curse those ears. 

“Miss me?”

“...Yeah.”

“I’m right here.”

“But you’re not.”

Irrational and stupid he is, but it seems Naib isn’t too different either. He makes a sudden noise of understanding, and – 

— 

– Eli’s words suddenly make more sense. He’s always had a way of answering questions with more questions, but it’s always in a helpful manner. Like Socrates, he asks questions he already knows the answer to, and that patronizing aura he had held becomes more understandable. 

This was never about ‘him’, but about ‘them’. 

He assumed that Norton’s constant dissatisfaction was the result of his facade being less than perfect, yet now that they’re face to face… how could he have believed that acting the way that Martha and Vera had suggested was ever a good idea? It’s so unnatural to him when he’s so used to bickering and friendly insults, but he had proceeded through with it anyway because that’s what they had said. 

Maybe it works for them, but no matter how good of an actor he is, it’ll never compare to Norton’s wide grins when he’s his own natural self. 

And suddenly - 

God, I love you.

It’s so sudden that he nearly jumps, provoking a flinch from the still-crying Norton. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around the man he loves. Had it really taken him so long? To think that it could be so easy - ‘love’ is something he’s never been particularly familiar with nor fond of, but right here and right now, it feels right. 

“Hah? What?” Norton’s adorable when he’s confused, and Naib can’t help but plant a quick peck on his nose.

“Idiot,” he says fondly. In the background, someone cheers, and Naib immediately blushes bright red. Right. They are in a public area, and there’s no doubt that both Eli and his would-be kidnapper are both watching from somewhere. 

“Do you wanna go somewhere more private?” That sounds a little too suggestive, but surely Norton won’t mind - then again, maybe not, given the way he’s gone from confused to flustered to half-bluescreening. To clarify: “I think there are a few things that should be discussed away from the public eye.” Now the people around them probably think they’re federal agents or something of the sort, but it’s fine as long as Norton’s happy. 

He tugs on Norton’s hand, and together they head to a quieter place. He hopes Norton doesn’t mind that he doesn’t want to let go, but together they make twice the blushing mess anyway. 

“ What was that ,” Norton hisses the moment they’re out of earshot. Amusingly, the pink dust painted on his face doesn’t seem to be anywhere near disappearing, though Naib’s sure he’s no better in that regard. 

A pang of anxiety shoots through Naib as the words register. What if he entirely misinterpreted everything? In his distress, his grip on Norton’s hand loosens, but he’s pleasantly surprised to see Norton lace his fingers tighter. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask,” he offers. Norton’s skin on his own felt too good for him to apologize for it, but at least he’s sorry for making him uncomfortable. 

“Don’t be,” Norton mutters, and Naib blinks. What?

“Look, if Demi or Eli put you up to this, then… I should be the one apologizing.” He looks ready to launch into a whole essay’s worth of excuses, but Naib stops him.

“Put me up to it? Norton, I’ve wanted to do that for ages.”

You know, this isn’t too bad. Naib wouldn’t mind seeing a discomposed Norton for every day of the rest of his life. 

“What?”

“You heard me.” Though their hands are clasped together, there’s still a prominent distance between them that Naib dislikes. He leans in until his head rests on Norton’s shoulder, emphasizing their height difference. Although this would usually irk him, it’s actually quite the opposite in this situation. Norton’s frozen up, staring at the wall in front of them. 

“Look–”

—

“–I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier,” Naib whispers in Norton’s ear, which is really not good for his sanity . Combined with their proximity and the overall secludedness, Norton’s one step away from short-circuiting. God, he knew Naib was pretty, but this is not the time to be appreciating his absolutely perfect taste in men. 

“I thought - well, I thought a lot of things, really, but they were all excuses. I was just scared to act on my own feelings for you, I guess, and if I made you feel unappreciated…” Naib exhales sweetly, and Norton shivers. 

“Well, here’s what I mean.” Abruptly, he stands to look Norton in the eye. Though he misses the contact, Norton is still hyperaware of their hands, never letting go of one another. 

A hesitant smile on his face, Naib extends his free hand. Norton eyes it with uncertainty, partly because his own opposite hand is currently not available to shake it. 

“Norton Campbell, I really like you - god, we’re adults, what is with this cheesy teenage confession?” He laughs, and Norton thinks he’s never heard a sound so angelic. “Will you go out with me?” 

Norton’s an idiot, but he’s Naib’s idiot, and that means that he’s legally obligated to one-up everything Naib does. 

Launching himself into a standing position, he has just enough to whisper a soft I love you so much you don’t even know before pressing his lips onto Naib’s. They’re fools, but at least they have each other. 

(And of course, he’s going to have to thank Demi profusely for her very existence. Lord, he’s never doubting her again.)