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To face your fears can oftentimes be the easier part but, when you run from your fears because they’re too massive and terrifying to understand, that's when things become difficult. There is never an easy way to fight against something that doesn’t have a face or a name. How are you supposed to fight something you can’t see? Something that will never stand before you. It knows your weakness in the dark and yet you’re left helpless against this ever knowing threat. Sometimes multiple unnamed fears would clump themselves into one larger entity that will relentlessly taunt you when the night grows still and you’re left with nothing but your mind and the beating of your own heart.
Nothing but the sound of the sea around you to keep you company. When the night was at it’s darkest and you were the only one left awake, these fears slipped their way into the recesses of your mind like they made their comfortable home there. Your bones and muscles felt too tired to move so you sat, peeking out over the edge of the crows nest at the still ocean as the waves caressed your ship softly. Why fight against this fear now? It's too large and it doesn’t even have a name or even a body like any enemy you could cut down with a sword. It was just some fear taunting you, what could it really do?
A troublesome thought was nothing like you hadn’t fought off before on nights like this. Alone, guarding what’s most precious to you. Yet somehow each night seemed to worsen without fail the longer you let these intrusions in. Like an unwelcome guest the thoughts would trapse into your mind and spew their toxic sludge on everything without permission. Some nights were easier than others and you could focus on training your body, kicking the thoughts to the side without so much as a second thought. They wouldn’t return for the rest of the night on nights like that. It was purely a weakness to have these types of thoughts since training and honing a skill could rid them so easily. Yet, when there was just you and the quiet, and nothing stood between them and you it’s almost as if that’s when the fear knew you were most vulnerable for attack.
Cold nights were particularly worse than others, when your body was numb after shivering for hours even under blankets. The thoughts would still crawl their way inside and screech that this was your role. Your worth. How you must show your worth and endure. You are only worth this path of destruction. So you’d continue to be numb. You continued to let the sludge spill into your mind telling yourself you must get stronger and overcome this. Until the first glimpse of morning light when your eyes blearily caught sight of blonde hair crossing the deck towards the kitchen. Cook. Breakfast. Your stomach would growl at you but your eyes were heavy so you pulled the blanket tighter around yourself and watched just as the sun started to rise. Those fears never dimmed but would often quiet themselves if you weren’t coherent so maybe sleeping would help. Sleep sounded nice after all.
Just as the sun started to shine fully against your skin and the sweet release of sleep finally wrapped around you, the smell of hot fresh food finally lifted upwards and wafted across your nose. Not for you. The thoughts would try to say but you grumbled and rolled into the sun's warmth finally able to drift off into sleep. Ignoring the bitterness in the back of your mind.
Finally when you woke up again it was to the sound of your crew happily laughing about below you and a jostle to your ribs. You groaned and tried to swat at whoever was bothering you. “Hey, you look like shit. C’mon you missed breakfast earlier” it was the cooks voice and you looked up with one eye to see him standing over you. At least he wasn’t kicking you just yet. “M’not hungry. Leave me al-” you’d try to say but that earned you the swift kick you were expecting. “Everybody eats. Now get up before I have to kick your ass all the way to the kitchen!” Sanji pulled the blanket away and you shivered, shooting straight up and scowling at him.
Fighting against faceless and nameless enemies wouldn’t ever be easy but when you had nakama surrounding you who not only would make sure you ate but also actually cared about your will to live. It made facing the faceless a little less intimidating because you knew you’d never be alone.