Archive of Our Own

MJ stared at the new kid from Ned’s and her lunch table. She was aware of the fact that there weren’t any other empty places to sit in and their table had plenty of seats with only two people to occupy them, but she was really glad when the kid only glanced over at their table, made eye contact with her for less than a moment, and then took his tray and exited the cafeteria with his food to, probably, eat outside.

No, she wasn’t a mean person – that’s what Ned told her, at least. And her parents, but they were supposed to tell her that – but this new guy, whoever he was, freaked her out and she wanted him far, far away from her. And Ned, despite being a really nice person, couldn’t help but agree with her on that.

Peter Parker just needed to stay the hell away from the two of them. Not only during lunch, but in general. And if that meant he has to eat his lunch all by himself, MJ was willing to swallow the guilt and move on.

Normally, MJ wouldn’t care who sits with her and Ned because their table was so empty, people could sit on the far end and stay out of their hair, but Peter Parker was different. Peter Parker made them both nervous and alarmed and unsettled. He looked like a really nice guy, yeah, but ever since their first meeting he turned into the creepy stalker they had never asked for.

“Is he gone yet?” Ned whispered loudly and MJ rolled her eyes. Seriously, sometimes she had no idea how Ned and she became such close friends. They didn’t have THAT much in common and yet they were just friends. She could still remember the two of them barely even looking at one another during sophomore year, but after that, things became a little blurry and the next thing she knew, Ned was always around. And they knew each other almost like best friends, so… they just rolled with it.

MJ let her eyes fall back to her book. “Yes, Ned. Now quit acting like that. He’s just some stalker who goes to our school. No big deal. If you let him see that he makes you nervous, you’re letting him win.” She mentioned and Ned looked horrified at her words. She only shrugged and went back to reading peacefully.

Well, not entirely peacefully, but it was close enough. It was like ever since Peter Parker showed up at the café where she worked, she couldn’t relax. Her eyes always scanned the area for any sign of his mess of curls or sharp eyes. She looked over her shoulder to detect any appearances of a science-pun T-shirt or strange expressions. It was beginning to annoy her.

And it was all because of that weirdo.

Her hand shot up to her necklace and she traced the broken petal’s shape absentmindedly. It helped and her shoulders slumped in relief. She still couldn’t remember where the necklace was from but it was useful for moments like this. And, MJ had to admit, she felt connected to this piece of glass. It was like her mind decided the broken necklace had a meaning her brain couldn’t understand.

Ned fidgeted. “I don’t get it – how can you be okay with it? Doesn’t it make you want to curl into a ball right here on the spot? Just thinking about how he must have studied us for so long without us noticing him even once…” A shiver went down his spine and MJ saw him shaking his head as if to get the thoughts out of his brain. “And now he comes to our school and I considered telling Mr. Harrington about this but I… I don’t know… I feel like that would only make that guy angry or something. You know?”

MJ did know. She wanted to tell her parents about the innocent looking guy that showed up at her working place a month ago with a piece of paper filled with nonsense and too many accurate facts about Ned and her since the moment it happened, but she just… couldn’t. Something inside her told her to keep this thing under the surface.

This morning, when Mr. Harrington introduced the class to Peter Parker and the kid waved awkwardly at all of them MJ and Ned locked eyes and for a split moment they both believed the crazy new kid would come up to them and make them uncomfortable again. But when Peter Parker’s eyes landed on MJ an unreadable expression took over his face for a moment before he looked away only to never look at her again throughout the whole lesson, even though the only empty seat in the class was to her right and it would have been really easy for him to glace over at her and do something… weird.

“Just let it go, Ned.” She voiced out loud and the boy resumed eating his lunch without uttering another word until the end of the break.

MJ hated heights. They were evil and sinister and they made her feel vulnerable. Which, obviously, she hated as well. She didn’t like looking down and seeing a large distance. She didn’t like lifting her head up to the sky and getting lost in the open space because that felt like falling.

She always had height-fright. Ever since she was little it was something that accompanied her everywhere she went, holding her in place and gripping her heart, squeezing until there was nothing left but a tearful girl standing and watching the ground waaaaaaay below her feet.

It changed ever since the fight of Spider-man over the Statue of Liberty. For some reason, ever since that day she was beyond terrified of heights. But not just heights. Every time she stumbled or mis stepped, she found herself screaming, gulping for air. It felt like her stomach rose and her lungs squeezed and all she could do was close her eyes and hope for someone to catch her, no matter how minor a fall it was, or who was around her. It was embarrassing, having to tolerate the pity looks of her classmates after she tripped on her way out of the classroom and a heartbreaking scream escaped her lips, tearing its way out of her throat without her permission.

Ned tried comforting her, telling her it was alright. That maybe all she had to do was talk about it to someone and then it will all feel better. Her mother said about the same thing while all her father did was nod and then got back to work. So MJ decided to listen to them and try and talk this thing out.

The problem was that she didn’t like talking to the psychologists her parents found. She didn’t like talking to her family about it. She didn’t like talking to Ned about it either. She just didn’t want to talk about it at all. Those people, all of them, didn’t really see her. All they saw was a girl with an unreasonable fear and no control over it. Ned maybe saw a friend in her, but it never got beyond that point. She tried considering him her best friend, but the words tasted bitter on her tongue and she decided Ned was only a good friend. End of discussion. But that only meant he would still judge her and her paranoia of falling. Of… maybe it was actually losing control? MJ hated not having control over her life, but this felt… different.

For a couple of moments she considered talking about this with Peter Parker, her personal stalker, but it was mostly a joke. The guy was a stranger who followed her without her permission. There was no way she was going to open up to him. Even if him knowing her personality so well made her feel seen for the first time in what felt like a long time. He learned everything about her by watching from a hidden place and she could never trust someone like that. Not with her fear, secrets or anything else.

So her fear of heights was here to stay. But it confused MJ mostly when she realized her favorite place was the roof of their school. Midtown wasn’t too tall, but the view was still amazing. There was a stone fence all around, so she felt somewhat more secure there, and for some reason the thought of the place made her feel… safe and warm. It was like a memory only… not.

After school was over MJ said goodbye to Ned and instead of heading home she climbed the stairs to the roof. The door wasn’t locked – the lock was busted. Probably some student explored the school a while back and didn’t have a key to the roof – so she could just push it open and get out.

But today the sight that greeted her made her freeze in her place.

Anger boiled in her chest as she watched the hunched figure sitting on the stone fence, legs dangling over the edge carelessly. The sunset made his features almost glow and years of observation taught MJ that his posture screamed: lonely.

But all of that didn’t matter because the roof of the school was HER place. It was a place no one went to but her and occasionally Ned. But that was it. She loved the peace and quiet. The view. The soft breeze. She loved being here alone. With nothing but her thoughts to accompany her. And now HE dared set foot in her area? Nope. No way. Not happening.

She cleared her throat and he snapped his head in her direction. The position of the setting sun behind him made his face look dark and almost invisible. MJ didn’t care, though, how scary that was. She saw nothing but a stranger in her personal space. He jumped off the edge in alarm, standing awkwardly by the fence, facing her. She couldn’t see his face but she could imagine the creepy knowing glint in his eyes, nonetheless. She didn’t really need more than her own mind to remember who he was and what he did.

“What are you doing here, Peter Parker?”

She thought she saw his mouth open and close a couple of times before he looked away for a moment before focusing on her again. “I was admiring the view, I guess.” He said, voice sharp. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d come up here. I can stay extremely quiet if you’d – “

“No.” She cut him off and Peter Parker stumbled back, surprised by her own sharp tone. “It’s my place. Just… leave. Stay away from me.”

For a moment all she could hear were his shuttered breaths as he was, probably, trying to not snap at her. She wouldn't be surprised to find out his temper is horrible even if up to this moment he seemed rather relaxed and unharmful. Appearances could be deceiving.

Then he nodded once and passed her on his way to the door. She moved aside to not let him collide with her by ‘accident’ and she could almost swear she saw him wince. But she wasn’t sure. It was probably nothing. He muttered a quiet: “Sorry” before he left, closing the door behind his back.

MJ glared at the door for a few more seconds and then sat down, took out her sketchbook and started painting a shadowed figure sitting alone on the edge of a rooftop, facing the sunset. Her left hand kept on scrubbing the broken necklace the entire time.

She was sitting on the fire escape outside her bedroom window when the sound of webs reached her ears and she perked up. It was an achingly familiar sound that sent pleasant shivers down her spine and made her head swirl with joy she didn’t want to associate with the figure anymore.

Spider-man was the vigilante of Queens for a couple of years now. Sure, he fought aliens alongside the Avengers once but it was really brief and led him, afterwards, right back to his thankful neighborhood. That happened to be MJ’s.

There wasn’t one person who lived in Queens that hasn’t seen him at least once in his life. It wasn’t like the guy was trying to be subtle. He was talkative and colorful with his red and blue suit. His villains were mainly robbers or simple thugs. Every once in a while a different villain appeared in Queens and Spider-man rose up to the task at hand. He had never lost yet – not counting his death during the snap – and the people were grateful.

Or… they hated him.

J. Jonah Jameson kept on claiming the guy murdered Mysterio in London during MJ’s trip to Europe. She was right there when it happened and although she didn’t see the last moments of Mysterio, she was pretty certain Spider-man didn’t kill the guy. Or at least… he must have had a reason for doing so. Spider-man was known to be the least violent vigilante in the area. It wasn’t like him to just go and murder someone. But some people believed Jameson and so the city split into the people who supported the vigilante and the ones who despised him whole-heartedly.

MJ used to be in the group of people who wanted Spider-man to stick around – pun not intended – and help the civilians. But now that she knew who was under the mask… she suddenly didn’t feel so safe with the masked guy swinging around her living area. Sure, he saved people, but he was also capable of being silent. He could get to places people shouldn’t get to, which made her feel invaded. She didn’t like it one bit.

Lately, though, people noticed a change in the guy’s personality. He still saved people and was still nice to them, like always. But he was quieter and more reserved. He kept his distance and only engaged in conversations when needed. It was like human contact creeped him out for some reason. And it seemed to happen overnight. MJ heard about at least three criminals that asked Spider-man during a fight if he was feeling okay because he didn’t taunt them or threw terrible puns in and there during their fights.

Her eyes caught the slightest movement and she turned around to see Spider-man landing on a rooftop two buildings away. He didn’t look her way and instead perched himself in a crouch at the edge of the roof and scanned the city below, looking for anything that would require his attention.

It was probably all quiet because a couple of minutes later he pulled his mask over his head and leaned it back to watch the sky. One of the things MJ could never do, especially at night. She was about to ignore him again when she heard the tiniest sound. Something that sounded suspiciously like a sniff. And then a sharp exhale. A shaky breath. Another exhale and…

Her eyes widened when she realized he was sobbing. Actually sobbing. And she was certain he hadn’t noticed her so it wasn’t all for show. He was trying to hold it in, it was obvious, but he failed. His hands rose to his head and his fingers got tangled in his hair as he pulled his face down. And just like that he turned into a tiny ball of shaky limbs and soft whimpers.

She considered sneaking back into her room. She really didn’t need to watch this. It felt like a private moment. But then again, he was her stalker so privacy was probably a term he didn’t even know the definition of. And yet… it felt wrong. Something inside of her squeezed and tried pulling her towards him, even though she couldn’t really reach him from her building. She didn’t understand that. She didn’t like Peter Parker. Not even a little bit. He was a liar and a total creep. But her heart broke at the sight of him falling apart and her breath hitched along with his, as if his pain meant something to her.

That caught his attention though. His head turned sharply towards her and his eyes spotted her immediately. She couldn’t see him from this distance at night, but his flinch was visible as he stumbled back and almost fell off the roof. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of him losing his balance and it took her a few moments to get it to beat slower after he stopped swinging too close to the edge. Logically, she knew he could catch himself. Besides, he was Spider-man. He could probably just walk after falling off a building that wasn’t THAT tall.

It didn’t matter. It still scared her, thinking about him flailing helplessly in the air as the force of gravity pulled his body closer and closer towards the ground. Falling… she remembered falling helplessly and outstretching her hands in hopes that someone would catch her…

For a couple of moments the two of them didn’t break eye contact. They just stared at each other from afar, unmovable. But then MJ remembered who he was and she frowned before flipping him off and entering her room again. Moments later she heard the thwip singling Spider-man left the area and swinged away.

She exhaled, relieved, and as if on auto pilot let her legs carry her towards her sketchbook. She opened it on her last drawing – the one of Peter Parker sitting on Midtown’s rood with the Sun behind. She traced his figure with her fingers before she picked up her pencil and on a whim added a spider emblem to the center of his chest and one tear on his darkened cheek.

The image made her heart pound even harder in her chest but it didn’t make any sense and she put her hand against her ribcage, willing it to slow down. As if on an instinct MJ brushed her fingers against the cold necklace and sighed. It wasn’t really her. It was only Peter Parker’s crazy story that made her feel this way. Nothing else.

Because Peter Parker was lying. He was lying.

He was lying.

This was very inconvenient. Really inconvenient. MJ glared at the papers Mr. Harrington handed them all with their assignments and then looked at Ned. He was practically beaming at her. Because of course he was. He got to work with Betty, which should have been awkward after they dated for, like, a couple of days, but instead made Ned really happy.

But while Ned got exactly what he wanted handed to him on a silver platter MJ got the worst luck in the world. She could get Flash – which was just… nah. But being partnered with Flash only meant MJ would do the whole project, and she really didn’t mind doing just that.

She could have been assigned to work with Brad which… made her skin crawl because the guy was hitting on her the entire trip to Europe and she couldn’t exactly remember why she pushed him away so forcefully other than instinct. But he was still BETTER.

No, instead she got stuck with Peter Parker as her partner. She narrowed her eyes Ned before turning to face Peter Parker. He was fidgeting restlessly and tried to avoid her eye contact but eventually he broke and looked into her eyes. His face expressed deep regret and helplessness that made even MJ cringe because this boy was awful, but he was staying away from her like she had asked him to for a couple of weeks now and he really seemed uncomfortable with the thought of working with her.

Once Mr. Harrington dismissed them and the school day came to an end MJ waved goodbye to Ned who wished her luck and turned to Peter Parker. The guy was still sitting, slumped. He read the instructions to the assignment a couple of times and his lips were pressed together tightly as he concentrated.

MJ coughed and he looked up at her.

“You know I’d rather not do this, but whatever. Let’s just get this job done as fast as possible, creep.”

He winced at the last word but didn’t object. He simply nodded his head and awaited her next words like a loyal servant. His dark eyes looked up at her and for the first time since he entered the café MJ couldn’t see anything beyond sorrow and sadness in them. They weren’t sharp or cold. They were warm and inviting, looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the entire world. They made her feel seen and understood in a way no pair of eyes had ever made her feel.

She swallowed, hard, and then looked away. “We’re not meeting up at my place. I will never allow you to set foot in my living room, let alone my room. And I can’t work in a public place. I get distracted.”

He looked like he wanted to say something in return but then swallowed the words and sighed. “You really don’t want to come to my place.” He said, his voice pleading. MJ didn’t even bat an eye. She simply took her bag and gestured for Peter Parker to get up. “MJ, I thought you didn’t trust me. Now you want to come to my apartment? My... umm, there’s no one there right now. My parents are out of town…” He didn’t sound too sure of himself and his voice broke near the end, but MJ just shrugged and led them out of the classroom.

“I have Ned on fast dial. Lead the way, Peter Parker. If that’s even your name.”

He didn’t fight her on this beyond that and just walked beside her, avoiding meeting her eyes and keeping his head hung low, facing the pavement. The streets were humming as usual and MJ watched people as they passed her, too engrossed in their own lives to give her a second look.

At some point when Peter Parker turned right and MJ turned to the left he stopped and looked at her in a funny way. She furrowed her brows and didn’t move, staring at the apartment building standing before her and blinking her eyes in confusion. She’s never been there and yet she could imagine a certain apartment in there vividly.

Peter Parker didn’t move towards her. “Umm… where are you going?”

Shaking her head, MJ shrugged. “I’m not sure. My legs just… took me there for some reason. As if I know where you live.” She huffed and swirled, turning her back to the building and facing Peter Parker. His expression was one of utter despair. His eyes glanced over her shoulder at the building and he blinked them, hard. MJ noticed as they got redder with every passing second and tears were on the verge of rolling down his face.

Suddenly he sniffed, wiped his face with the back of his hand, clenched his hands into fists and hardened his gaze. He turned around and kept on walking away without saying a word.

That was weird, but MJ decided against asking about what just happened. She didn’t care about his feelings, but… the look on his face made her heart shutter and her mind to drown her in so many different emotions like grief, compassion and love that she couldn’t utter a word through her choked up throat.

What was happening??

When they arrived at the apartment MJ couldn’t help but feel like this was all wrong. The street, the old building, the neighbors, the lack of an elevator… She knew it wasn’t rational but somewhere inside her head, her brain demanded answers because she felt like she should recognize this place where Peter Parker lived. But this whole thing seemed off and unfamiliar.

After Peter Parker opened the unrecognizable door and MJ stepped inside a sudden swoop of her stomach made her want to puke. There were only two rooms – the one she was currently in, with a bed, a desk and a small kitchen area all put together and a bathroom – the door was open so she could see the rusty sink and spots of dried blood on the edge of the shower itself.

For some reason she didn’t expect Peter Parker to live in such a small place. She thought there’d be two bedrooms at least and a small living room with warm furniture. She expected a clean kitchen and an organized bathroom. This… this felt off for some reason she couldn’t explain. This felt like a strange place that just couldn’t belong to Peter Parker.

She moved on from the entrance and scanned the small space with her watchful eyes. She was aware of Peter Parker’s presence behind her. His eyes were trained on her as she walked through the room, examining her surroundings.

The walls were mostly bare. There was one old poster of Star Wars near the bed. Three pictures hung on the wall opposite the bed and MJ walked towards them. The first one was of Tony Stark and Peter Parker standing side by side. Peter Parker was younger in there and he was holding an upside-down form that proved Peter Parker’s internship at Stark Industries. Sure, she knew about it before because Peter Parker mentioned that in his creepy letter, but it was nice knowing at least some of that bullshit was real. She watched the genuine smile on his face in that picture and snorted at the childish gestures both Stark and Peter Parker made.

Next was a picture of three people. There were two people, clearly a husband and wife, hugging each other with wide smiles and an even younger version of Peter Parker, absolutely beaming at the camera. On each of his shoulders was one hand as the couple held him in the middle, as if he was the most precious thing in the entire world. MJ narrowed her eyes at the face of the woman in the picture. She seemed familiar for some reason. And no, it wasn’t because Peter looked like her. They both had brown eyes and hair, but they looked nothing alike. Her heart sank at the realization that must be his dead aunt. He had mentioned her before. She died not too long ago…

Her eyes drifted to the next photo where she found a different couple. The man looked like the man from the other picture, but it wasn’t him. There were a couple of small differences. The woman looked just like Peter, with bright eyes and kindness evident in every feature of her body. Peter Parker was maybe six when this was taken. He was sitting on the man’s shoulders. One of his hands snaked around the man’s head to keep his balance while the other one was held by the woman. The woman who looked at him instead of at the camera with so much love it almost hurt her.

“Those are my parents.” Peter Parker said over her shoulder. She sent him one look and moved aside to let him know he can stand beside her. He didn’t even hesitate. He simply took a step forward and looked at the pictures with a bittersweet expression.

“They’re dead, right? Not out of town for work. Out of town because they’re gone.”

He nodded and shrugged. “I can barely remember them. I was six when their plane crashed. I was told they never even felt a thing. But how can anyone be sure, right?” He gestured with his head towards the other picture with his aunt. “These are Uncle Ben and Aunt May. Ben was killed in a robbery gone wrong. He tried to stop the thug from getting away and got shot. It happened about three years ago. That’s why I became Spider-man in the first place. I wanted to keep Ben’s legacy going. It seemed like something he would have been proud of.”

MJ couldn’t say anything because, really, what could anyone say to that? She sent one look over her shoulder at the single bed and frowned. Peter Parker was living all alone. He was still seventeen – weren’t there people who took care of orphans like him that had no other places to stay in? Was he running from them? Then again, if his crazy story was true, he didn’t exist as far as anyone could tell. He was a walking ghost.

She turned back to the picture with May Parker and then looked at Peter Parker. He was staring at the picture with a distant look in his eyes, like he was drifting to different, better, times. He blinked his eyes and the tears in them disappeared.

It was almost painful to watch him tear his gaze from the picture to her, but MJ didn’t say a word about that. “Project?” He asked in a fake cheerful tone that made MJ feel even worse.

As they worked, with her sitting on his bed like she belonged there, and him sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the old bed, she couldn’t help but try and remember even one time when Peter Parker had a genuine, wide smile on his face. But for some reason, maybe the grief, she couldn’t recall any. His widest grins never reached his eyes and looked more like winces.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the face of Peter Parker smiling. She thought about his picture with Tony Stark. She thought about him with his family, happy and worry free. She thought about him absolutely beaming at her on a ruined bridge in London. She thought about him holding broken pieces of a black flower made of glass. She thought about him staring at her with so many emotions reflecting through his eyes alone that it broke her down. She thought about him promising to say it back. She thought about – wait.

Her eyes snapped open but the room was no longer bright and lit. It was dark and cold. A blanket covered her, so the frozen air of New York didn’t make her shiver as much. Her eyes searched the room until they landed on Peter Parker. He was curled into a ball, probably to keep warm, and his eyes were closed. His face was soft and relaxed in his sleep, it was almost endearing.

MJ yawned quietly. She fell asleep. She felt safe enough in Peter Parker’s apartment to fall asleep. But… she didn’t trust him at all, so what was going on? She tried remembering her dreams but it was all a blur. She could only recall warmth and love. Her hand rubbed her cheeks and she felt dried trails of tears there. Was she crying? In her DREAM?

Peter Parker must have covered her with the blanket after she fell asleep, she realized. She felt bad for falling asleep in his place, on his bed and with his, apparently, only blanket. No matter how terrible he was… she was a guest. Checking the time, she realized it was late. Too late to go back home alone. She could always wake Peter Parker up and ask him to walk her back to her house but she remembered the tiredness that flowed out of him all the time and decided to let him sleep.

She let her head drop back to the pillow when a yelp made her turn. Peter Parker was wide awake, gasping for air and clutching at his bed with a force that made its metal skeleton to crumble. His whole body rocked as he tried to stifle sobs that MJ could only detect thanks to his hitched breaths. Once she realized he had no idea she was up, she closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep. It was only a bad dream. Being Spider-man was probably a great source for these.

But she couldn’t sleep. She was hyperaware of Peter Parker as he stayed awake and scrolled through his dimly lit phone. He got over his nightmare soon enough but his willingness to stay awake made her think this wasn’t the first time it happened to him. He was probably used to things like that.

Without moving too much she stared at his phone from over his shoulder. He was playing some stupid game for a couple of minutes until he got sick of it and instead let videos play. They were obviously taken by him. She couldn’t hear anything, and neither could he, but she saw views passing from the window of a moving car, an annoyed man driving, Peter Parker doing a backflip only to open a door, Spider-man speaking to the camera only to leave it behind to steal Captain America’s shield and pause in a stupidly perfect pose.

Then the videos turned into pictures of Liz Toomes smiling widely at the camera while holding flashcards. She didn’t look directly at the camera, though. Her eyes watched the one who took the picture, presumably Peter Parker. It was strange because… well… Peter Parker was new in their school. How did he know Liz?

There were a couple more pictures of her and in between selfies of Peter Parker and his aunt or Peter Parker and Ned with a complete Lego Death Star behind them. They were both smiling proudly at the camera and even thought MJ knew it must have been photoshopped, she just… believed it. It seemed so genuine. Although, the Death Star in the picture had the Star Wars Emperor on top of it while Ned’s actual one – he kept it in his room and refused tearing it apart, for some reason – hadn’t. He said he’d lost it before he got to finish building the whole thing.

She was just about to tell herself that – there, Peter Parker’s story was fake – when her eyes drifted to the nightstand beside the bed. There were a couple of books on it, a cup of coffee from her café – creepy – and the missing piece of Ned’s Lego. The character was just standing there, looking at the bed with devilish eyes that made MJ’s eyes sting.

“I’m sorry.”

MJ looked back down and saw Peter Parker looking at her with a sad smile on his face. He turned off the screen of his phone and the room was almost too dark for her to see him. But they were close enough.

The picture of Peter Parker and Ned grinning at the camera was stuck behind MJ’s eyelids no matter how hard she tried to push it away. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to…” He shrugged. “I’m sorry. It’s weird, I know. I’m a creep. I should have.”

His smile disappeared and he looked away. He was still shivering from the cold but neither of them uttered another word after that and MJ let herself fall into an uneasy sleep until morning came. Then they looked at each other and wordlessly got ready for school. MJ should have been alarmed when Peter Parker just pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of jeans that fit her perfectly, but she found she didn’t care. She just took them, texted her parents to let them know she was okay, and they went to school without speaking even once. Once they reached the place Peter Parker nodded at her before disappearing between the sea of students and MJ felt like a piece of her heart just got ripped away.

She pushed the feeling away and started looking for Ned.

A week after that MJ pulled Ned out of the lunchroom with their trays in hand and led them towards the benches outside. Peter Parker was sitting alone on one of them, looking over the football field with no emotions in sight.

When MJ and Ned sat down on the bench beside him and started eating he eyed them carefully – MJ could feel it, like him watching her was something thrilling – but didn’t say a word. He just took another bite from his sandwich and when MJ’s gaze turned to him for a split moment she found the ghost of a smile dancing at his lips.

So they kept on doing that even though no one broke the silence. And if they did, it was never to speak to Peter Parker. It was always Ned and MJ who conversed about the most trivial things.

For some reason it brought a smile to Peter Parker’s face as well.

The wall in her bedroom in front of her bed was filled with her new drawings of Peter Parker. It was probably freaky and creepy for other people but to her it felt… right. But not quite just yet.

She had at least thirty different drawings of Peter Parker and they were all breathtakingly beautiful because of the boy residing in them. When Ned entered her room and saw the wall he stared at her with his mouth wide open because… yeah, it wasn’t exactly normal. But this wall has been empty for almost a year now and she couldn’t, for the life of her, remember what was missing on it. And Peter Parker’s drawings just felt like the right thing to hang there. Every morning when she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was that guy. Sometimes he had the spider-suit on. Sometimes it was just him sitting, walking or standing in different places and with different expressions on his face.

The one thing that MJ was aware of was how differently she captured his expressions. At the beginning they were mostly shaded or stern. He looked like a mad, psycho. But every time she drew him, his features turned softer, kinder. She didn’t understand the change until one day, during lunch, she looked over at the boy as he was eating his sandwich and she noted how… different he looked. She knew it was probably her brain playing tricks on her, because Peter Parker had the same expression as always on his face. But she couldn’t help but read it in a completely different way.

He wasn’t angry, manipulative, creepy or sharp. He was soft, kind, sad and breathtakingly beautiful. Even when a small smile graced his lips MJ could spot the sorrow in the boy’s eyes. Every time he looked at her or at Ned this pain multiplied, making it almost impossible to not feel at least some of it.

Peter Parker wore his thoughts on his sleeves, especially around MJ and Ned. He never mentioned the story he told them about when they first met at the café, but it was clear he was thinking about it half the time. She caught him and Ned awkwardly trying to say goodbye at the end of the day after Peter Parker lifted his arm as if to high-five Ned who almost rolled with it until he changed his mind in the last second. “It just felt weird,” He told her later on the phone. “One moment I moved my hand like it had a mind of its own and the next I remembered who I was talking to and that I have no idea what he wants from me. It was really weird.”

He joined the Academic Decathlon team. His knowledge was vast and he was the quickest one to push the buzzer – spider-powers were probably illegal, but MJ wasn’t about to complain. During his first few meetings he barely uttered a word out, but then, one time, Flash mocked him in front of everyone and although MJ was certain he’d curl in on himself after that, the largest grin she’d seen on his face appeared and he started answering more and more questions. For once in her life, MJ was glad Flash was on the team.

Observing carefully, MJ noticed every time Peter Parker missed classes. And every time it happened, the news showed Spider-man fighting someone or saving people later in the day. So when he missed a couple of Decathlon practices and Flash suggested throwing him out of the team with a smirk on his face, MJ refused. And being the captain of the team helped a lot.

As the days passed by MJ found herself rubbing her fingers along the smooth sheet of paper Peter Parker had brought her when they first met. She had originally thought she threw it to the trash immediately, but then she found the paper in her jeans’ pocket and she put it on her nightstand, where it remained. Always present. Always watching her. Always begging to be read again.

But she refused. She didn’t want to read all of these stupid claims again. The first time felt like a cruel joke and now it would only make her feel wary of his presence one again. She managed to accept his presence in her life and she realized he wasn’t exactly the creepy dude she thought he was at the beginning. She couldn’t explain how he knew all of those things about Ned and her, but she learned to trust him.

It was hard not to when every time she asked him to stop doing something, he listened. He never went up to the roof of the school again. He never called her MJ after she snapped at him and told him only her friends called her that. He never asked to visit her house to work together on their school project.

He did tell her: “Good morning, Michelle” every morning. He did smile at her with his sad eyes until he noticed she was looking back at him; then his smile would grow a little and he’d look a little more cheerful. He did nod to himself when MJ tried explaining something to the whole class that no one understood except for maybe Ned.

At some point, MJ caught his eye at the end of the day and without a word gestured for him to follow her. She appreciated the way he didn’t even hesitate to oblige. He just took his backpack and went after her all the way to the roof of Midtown. He did take his time at the door before he stepped out right after her.

And then they just sat there, silence flowing easily between them and, glancing sideways, Peter Parker seemed quite content with that. MJ was pleased and surprised to find out she was as well.

The only time Peter Parker interrupted their silent after-school activity was when he turned to her with furrowed brows and a question. “Why do you keep calling me ‘Peter Parker’? You can just choose one of them, you know.”

And MJ simply shrugged. “Whatever you say, loser.”

The beaming smile she received for that comment made her stomach swoop in triumph.

“Is Peter our friend now?” Ned asked her once during her shift at the café. The place was fairly empty except for Ned so she didn’t have anything to do but lean over the counter and talk to her friend.

She sent him a glare. “I don’t know. Why?”

Her friend only shrugged. “It just feels strange… ‘cause I know he looked like a creep at first but now I just feel – and don’t laugh at me, MJ – connected to him in this weird way. Like… like I know him from a past life or something.”

That sounded way too close to Peter’s crazy story, but MJ just couldn’t find it in herself to mock Ned. Not when every nigh she had more and more dreams about Spider-man and Peter from places and times that weren’t possible. She got so used to waking up with tears in her eyes that she wasn’t even alarmed by it anymore. She just wiped them with the back of her hand and moved on.

She thought about the desperate tone of Peter’s voice when he tried to make them believe his story in that same café. He looked at them like they were his last hope and when they pushed him away something in his eyes turned off and never returned.

The world they were living in was filled with enhanced people, Gods and wizards. It wasn’t really such an impossible scenario for everyone to forget who Peter was. It was just that… MJ didn’t want to think about someone messing with her memories. She didn’t want to believe there was a person she used to love and who loved her just as much that she simply forgot. If Peter’s story was true then she was furious.

When she didn’t reply Ned looked down at his phone and grimaced. “Hey, he asked me where I was so I told him I’m hanging with you here. Should I tell him to come over?”

Alright, that was new. MJ had no idea Ned had Peter’s number. She didn’t and they had a project together. She figured Peter would share his number with her as soon as possible since he did tell her they used to date before the whole mess she still didn’t believe happened. Now she was mostly confused.

“Yeah, sure. How do you have his number?”

Ned typed quickly while answering. “He texted me first. He needed some help with the coding of his suit and we just kept on texting. No big deal.” He shrugged.

Peter had Ned’s number. Ned didn’t give him his number, Peter just HAD it. How did he get Ned’s number? And why didn’t he get hers as well? She planned on asking him when he showed up at the café, but the moment he stepped inside with his messy hair and awkward smile she forgot all about it and just gave him a doughnut (“It’s on the house. You look like you’re starving, loser”) and watched him as he talked to Ned about some new Lego set they were both obsessed with.

And if he saw her copying his number from Ned’s phone quietly – she caught him staring – he didn’t say anything. Instead, before she could decide on what to text him later in the day, she received a message from him.

Peter: I didn’t think you’d actually want my number

Me: Tell anyone and I’d deny it, Parker

Peter: Wouldn’t dream of it, Michelle :D

Me: It’s MJ

Yeah, they were friends. And no one had to know about how they kept on texting until MJ fell asleep with her phone in hand, almost out of battery, only to wake up twenty minutes later from her alarm.

A month and a half later MJ started her day, looked down at her phone knowing she’d find at least a: “Good morning, MJ! :D” from Peter. A grin covered her face when she thought about it. They kept on texting nonstop ever since she got his number and no matter who wrote the last message, no matter what it was about, Peter always sent her the same text every morning.

That’s why her smile dropped immediately when there was nothing. No text. No call. Nothing from Peter Parker whatsoever. She tried pushing the curiosity and slight hurt out of her mind as she got ready for school, but on her way to Midtown she couldn’t avoid thinking that something must have been wrong.

It was weird meeting Ned and seeing he didn’t know anything was different today. He just smiled and waved at her like he did every day and walked beside her to her locker. She kept looking around, though, hoping to see Peter popping from just around the corner.

But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the halls. He wasn’t in their first class. He wasn’t even in their second one. Ned was confused at this point but tried telling MJ it was probably his Spider-man duties. And he was probably right. It wasn’t unusual for Peter to miss school because of superhero stuff. The unusual part was him not texting her.

And the date. Something about this date made her heart sink, but she couldn’t tell what. Her phone didn’t alert her to anything unusual and as much as she wracked her brain, the fifth of May wasn’t special in any sort of way. But with every heartbeat she felt like that wasn’t true. Something was unique today. Something that related somehow to Peter.

And then, in the middle of the third period, Peter burst into the classroom, apologized for being late and went to his place in the back of the class, next to MJ. He looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes which were red but MJ couldn’t tell if it was from crying or from lack of sleep. He wore clothes that looked like they were taken straight out of the trash. He looked absolutely terrible. And the sadness that he usually tried to hide was stronger than ever. Even when she heard him crying he didn’t look this miserable.

Ned caught her attention and widened his eyes in a wordless question but she could only shrug. Whatever it was that made Peter feel like that… MJ knew nothing about it. She tried catching Peter’s eyes but whether he noticed her not, he didn’t look at her even once. And once the bell rang and they were all set free Peter slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the class without acknowledging Ned nor her.

It hurt more than it should have. It cut so deep, MJ thought she was seeing spots in front of her eyes from the pain. During lunch Ned and her tried looking for Peter but he was nowhere to be found, so they gave up and just sat on their bench and ate silently.

It all went south-er during gym class. MJ and Ned worked together, which meant MJ helped Ned with whatever he needed and when he could work by himself, she read a book. Well, usually that’s what she did. Today she was busy watching Peter from afar. He was three mattresses away, just sitting and staring at the wall with hollow eyes.

Ned breather heavily and kept on doing his pushups. MJ was supposed to count them and tell him to stop when he reached twenty but she lost count after the seventh and she didn’t bother telling him.

“Is there anything special about today?” She asked him suddenly and Ned raised one eyebrow before falling back down, his back pressed again the mattress. He let his arms fall at his side freely.

“Not that I know of. Why?”

MJ didn’t answer. She was busy following Brad as the guy walked towards Peter. Peter who just kept on staring aimlessly at the wall. She narrowed her eyes and let Ned sit so he could look at Brad as well.

Once the boy was almost in front of Peter he waved his hand in front of the teenager’s eyes, making Peter jerk and blink his eyes. “W-what?”

Brad crossed his arms and smirked. “So are you crazy or are you just acting to make people be weirded out by you?” He asked and the surprise on Peter’s face switched quickly to cautious. He stood up and looked at Brad, who was taller than him and yet, at least to MJ, looked far less impressive. Maybe because she knew Peter was stronger than his appearance made him out to be. When he didn’t reply, though, Brad just went on. “There’s a rumor that says you claim to be like this ghost all of us used to know until recently.”

Peter’s eyes widened and he glanced back quickly to look at Ned and MJ. She had no idea how he knew where they were without looking, but the panic and disappointment on his face were more important at that moment. Honestly, she had no idea how Brad found out about Peter’s story. He wasn’t at the café ages ago when it actually happened and she never told anyone about it. She turned to Ned who looked horrified. Oh, God.

“Did you tell?” She whispered through clenched teeth and Ned shrugged helplessly.

He pointed at Betty. “We were having fun with our project and maybe I accidently mentioned Peter’s joke, but… I mean, that’s all it is, right? A joke?” He didn’t sound too convinced himself and MJ could only shake her head. She turned back to Peter and Brad. Peter almost looked haunted, with his sunken eyes and hollow fear. Brad just looked smug.

Wow, MJ was so glad she never dated him.

Brad yawned dramatically. “You know, it’s not very nice lying to your friends. I mean, you have only two friends and you lie to them too? That’s just sad.” He didn’t let Peter interject. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you to not lie?” He sounded friendly and sympathetic but MJ knew Brad. He was being mean just for the sake of being mean. Or because he didn’t like Peter. A part of her brain told her it was because he was still bitter about how she denied him during their trip to Europe, and since Peter was warming his way up to her, Brad picked up on him. But no, that was just silly. Peter and she were just friends. That was it.

Peter, wisely, turned his back to Brad and ignored his taunts. He lifted his bottle of water and drank slowly.

“Wait, no… your parents are dead, right? They told us you lived with your aunt and uncle.” Brad smirked. That was true. Before Peter stepped into the classroom Mr. Harrington told them all that Peter was an orphan and that he had recently lost his aunt and uncle as well. “But your uncle’s dead as well – I found some article about it. And your aunt was killed as well. The Green Goblin, right? She was the only one who died that night, when that freak blasted a building up. You know, I don’t like Spidey that much, but I think he made the right call when he didn’t save her. Or maybe he was actually the one who killed her?” Brad shrugged. MJ tried to cut him off but the guy was beyond listening.

And Peter? Peter’s water bottle was crushed between his fingers, the water dripping to the floor. His limbs were shaking with what MJ assumed was anger or sorrow. But he was still under control. He was still pretending to ignore Brad, even though it was obvious he heard every single word.

“But I guess… if she was the one who raised you then maybe she was just as bad – “

Brad never got to finish the sentence. In the blink of an eye Peter was facing Brad who found himself on the floor after Peter punched him in the chest. The whole gym was silent for a moment. And then Brad whimpered and wrapped his arms around himself – it must have hurt, coming from Spider-man.

MJ didn’t care about the guy on the floor, though. Her eyes were focused solely on Peter. The boy heaved and stared at Brad with dark eyes that sparkled with so much pant-up anger, her head started spinning. A moment flashed before her eyes – a moment where Peter had that exact look on his face, only back then he wore his spider-suit and the one in front of him was the Green Goblin, smirking at him even though Peter grabbed his glider and was about to impale him on the spot without a second thought.

She blinked and was back in the gym with Ned speechless by her side and Peter turning from mad, to confused and eventually to alarmed and worried. He widened his eyes and dropped to his knees beside Brad, inspecting his body carefully.

“Oh my God, Brad! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to – “

“Get away from me!” Brad cut him off and Peter flinched back as if burned. He let other people surround Brad and MJ could almost see it, when his brain turned numb and took over his body. Coach Wilson called after him, but Peter just grabbed his things and bolted, leaving behind a mess.

Ned and MJ switched looks before MJ sighed and told Ned to not wait for her. She had a distressed spider to follow.

She lost him immediately, but it wasn’t too hard to figure where he was going to. She still couldn’t remember which day it was but Brad mentioned May and… MJ figured Peter would go and visit his aunt as soon as possible.

So, as quietly as possible, she walked through the cemetery until she found him. Peter was sitting in front of a grave, hugging his knees close to his chest and staring at the words written in front of him like they were the answers to all of the questions in the world.

He probably heard her coming because he didn’t even flinch when she stopped and sat beside him. They didn’t say anything, just looked together at May Parker’s grave and didn’t move. Birds sang from the trees above them and the sorrow on Peter’s face turned slightly less all-consuming. MJ didn’t know if it happened because of her or because he was just feeling better – she imagined punching Brad was pretty satisfying – but a relieved sigh escaped her lungs, nonetheless.

For some reason sitting with Peter and not saying a word feels familiar. It feels good and right and amazing. It doesn’t feel awkward because MJ knows Peter doesn’t mind. She doesn’t know how she knows that. She just does.

But at the cemetery… it felt wrong. She didn’t mind not talking but staring at May’s grave and not saying a word because, honestly, she barely knew the woman… that was weird. She felt like there plenty of things she could say about May to Peter, but… they were all out of her reach. It was like trying to remember the lyrics of a song but failing miserably.

Peter, being Peter, probably sensed her nervous energy because he turned to her, acknowledging her for the first time, and tried smiling. It wasn’t warm or bright. It was cold and distant and felt like snow. She never wanted to see this smile on Peter’s face. Not ever.

“I would tell you more about her, but I don’t want to avoid the truth with her and… I know you don’t believe me about everything. Sorry.”

MJ swallowed the tightness in her throat. “I might be slightly more open to it.” She didn’t look at him but was still aware of his shocked face looking at her. She frowned. “Just… don’t go too far.”

And when he spoke next, he almost sounded hopeful. Almost. “She liked you. She really did. You two did everything to keep me safe, no matter how annoying that was. You just worked together without missing a beat and it was scary and inspiring all at once.” He smiled again. Slightly more genuine. “The first time she saw you was when she heard us after we entered my room through the window and she opened the door and thought we were… you know…” He looked back to the grave with burning cheeks and something about his awkwardness looked so familiar, MJ couldn’t help but smile fondly.

She closed her eyes and imagined May Parker – the woman from the picture – with her long, brown hair and stunning grin. She could almost imagine her voice as she talked to MJ about how Peter was as a little kid with Peter whining from his spot in MJ’s lap. When her eyes opened again she saw Peter, her Peter (not that he belonged to her, of course), smiling and looking at her like she was the reason he was still alive.

She ducked her head to hide her grin even though Peter could obviously still see it. He didn’t mention it, though, bless him.

“Is Brad okay?” He asked after a beat and when MJ told his she didn’t stay behind to check he shook his head. “I didn’t mean to hit him. He was talking about May and I was…” He took a deep breath in. “It’s her birthday today. I barely found the energy to force myself out of bed this morning. I didn’t expect someone would insult her today of all days. Not that it would have been better any other time. Just…”

MJ nodded. “I get it.” May’s birthday. It was May Parker’s birthday and MJ felt like she should have known that. She had no idea why the date was special to her when she was supposedly hearing about May for, maybe, the third time ever. But it was. It was SO important and she felt grief and guilt. Grief, because May was dead and guilt because she couldn’t for the love of everything that is good remember May Parker even though she felt like she should know her.

The only reason MJ realized she was crying was Peter’s finger gently wiping the wear away. He looked at her with concern and something akin to understanding. He didn’t ask MJ what was wrong nor did he change the subject. He simply sat there with her and smiled at her with so much love MJ didn’t feel like she deserved it.

“Do you still like me?”

The words escaped from between her lips without her permission and all she could so was turn away from Peter because she did NOT want to see his expression after asking something like that. She could still remember him telling her in that shop that they were dating before she forgot who he was. She could remember his desperate need for her to remember at least some of it. She remembered him telling her that he loved her too even though she never told him anything like this. Back then it sounded completely nuts. Not it made her chest ache.

Did she really say it? That she loves him? It sounded so much unlike MJ, she could barely believe it. But with Peter… anything was possible. Maybe it was only because of the stress of the situation, knowing that her memories of him would fade away into oblivion. Maybe she actually did whole heartedly love him and wanted to get it off her chest before anything happened to them.

But she had no doubt about Peter’s feelings towards her. The look in his eyes when they first met at the café was full of longing and love and hurt and hope… he really did love her, no matter what. She just didn’t know if he still felt that way. After she mocked and ignored him, could he really still like her just as much as before?

Peter tipped his head to the side and even though she was looking at May’s grave she could feel his open, innocent eyes on her. “What do you mean?”

Not an ‘of course’, or a ‘yes’ or even a ‘no’. He just avoided answering the question, which only made her feel worse because he probably didn’t like her anymore. She ruined everything. She took what he offered her and stepped on it, crashing and cracking and breaking it under her foot. How could she take his heart and smash it to pieces like that??

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Y-you said back in the café, after we met, that…” She trailed off and then shook her head. “But, if you did tell the truth about the whole memory loss thing, I don’t remember any of that, I was so mean to you ever since you joined Midtown… I guess I just assumed you got over that.”

She expected many reactions. A huff. Kind words. For Peter to just storm away and not answer. She didn’t expect him to laugh. Honestly, it sounded more like a giggle but it was close enough to an actual, real laugh. And… it was the first time she heard Peter’s laughter. It was bright and full of life, like a child. It lightened all of his features and made the grief and hurt lift for at least a moment off his shoulders.

And it was familiar. So familiar, it ached. She stared at him and could almost see him in a classroom laughing from something Ned said, or in Italy, walking beside her while hiding some bag behind his back and laughing awkwardly. She blinked twice to focus and furrowed her brows.

Peter stifled his giggles and shook his head from side to side, letting his curls bounce. “I’m sorry. It’s just… you’re not mean. You’re just not a people person and… honestly, if I were you, I would have pushed myself away as well. I did – I DO – sound like a creep when talking about your personal life with so many specific moments and points no one should just know about. And… I mean, we became friend only during sophomore year, and even after that you kinda stayed away. I’m used to you wanting your personal space, MJ.”

His smile was so honest and genuine, she couldn’t even claim his story about the memory wipe was a lie because… because Peter just wasn’t a person who would lie about something as big as that. Especially not after actually befriending Ned and her for real.

His hand lifted as if to brush her hair out of her face, but then he changed his mind and let it fall back to his side. MJ found herself yearning for him to finish what he started but she didn’t say anything.

“So…”

“I still like you.” He nodded. “I don’t think I can NOT like you. I’m not trying to freak you out or anything. I’m just… honest.” Peter looked at the grave. “But you don’t know me and don’t remember any of it, so you can move on with your life. You know, find someone that would fit you.” The words sounded like he forced them out, but in the end he was still smiling at her.

He stood up and offered her his hand. She took it without thinking and he pulled her up onto her legs. He was quiet for a moment, frozen in front of her, but when she didn’t say anything his grin turned bittersweet again. Longing. Lost. MJ wanted to tell him she was quiet only because she was at a loss for words. Knowing he still liked her just like before, that he felt like he would never be able to move on from that love, made her lose her voice. Her head was spinning and she had no idea how to make her lips move without letting out incoherent words.

The moment he realized she wasn’t about to say anything, though, his hand dropped hers and he turned around. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the café to your shift before you’ll be late.”

And when he started walking away her heart tried pushing its way out of her chest to get closer to him.

The next time she saw Peter was after the weekend. He barely texted her during Saturday – well, he still texted a lot, but not as much – and MJ couldn’t wait to see him on Monday. MJ received her usual ‘good morning’ text. Ned and she greeted him inside the classroom and Peter replied easily. He listened to their short conversation during lunchtime like always.

It was all just not enough.

So after twenty minutes of sitting peacefully on the roof of the school with no idea of sketches coming to mind, MJ broke the routine. She looked to the side and found Peter laying down beside her, tracing the shapes of the clouds with his finger. Then he noticed her eyes trained on him and he let his hand fall before turning his head to return her look.

She looked down at the hand he dropped and without saying a word took it in hers. Her head snapped back to the edge of the rooftop but she was still able to see the surprise on Peter’s face. But then his hand relaxed in hers and he squeezed it slightly before lifting his other hand to trace the clouds.

MJ smiled and with her free hand started sketching Peter Parker holding hands with a girl and staring at the clouds with a soft smile on his lips. No hurt. No pain. No tiredness. Only joy.

Peter: Do you think I should give Ned his Lego emperor back?

Me: I like you, Peter Parker. But I don’t remember all of those things you told me about and it still freaks me out that you know about me more things than I remember sharing with you

Peter: Oh

Peter: …Sorry?

Me: I don’t want you to forget everything that’s happened before because I get that if you don’t remember all of them, no one will and they will be lost forever, but… could we just… start from the beginning again?

Peter: I’d like that :)

Me: Good

Me: Don’t give Ned the Lego thing back. He’s been trying to solve this mystery for a long time, and honestly, his conclusions are hilarious

MJ was freaking out about their first date until Peter told her that their last first date (what a strange sentence) ended with the whole city figuring out who he is. “So I don’t think we could do much worse. And last time you still wanted to date me afterwards, so… I’m freaking out slightly less than I did last time” He told her during school that day and she blinked at him before walking away while muttering to herself with Peter laughing behind her back.

It did help a bit, but she still felt like this was going to be a disaster. Maybe because he had some kind of experience with dating – dating HER – while she was never in a date. She had no idea what to wear or do or say. And she didn’t have any close friends who were not Ned so she couldn’t ask for help.

Luckily, Peter was pretty much broke. She asked him how he was able to get into Midtown without any money and he told her about all the money Tony Stark put aside for him – for Spider-man – that he could finally use. But he was scared of using all of it immediately even though it was enough to last him about two really good lifetimes, so he put the money aside and used what he had from his job at the bodega not too far away from his apartment.

Alright, so maybe he wasn’t broke, but when MJ heard about the money Peter refused to use she told him not to use it on their date. She could tell he wanted to argue but instead just swallowed his words and listened to her. So he was a broke person with mountains of money to back him up, and that meant they chose to not actually go out. Instead, they agreed on going back to MJ’s house together after school and watch a movie in the living room. Her parents were out of the house which meant they could be alone and enjoy the empty house for as long as they wanted.

Honestly, she was really glad it was in her house and not outside. She didn’t want to look like a fool in front of Peter and more people around would only make it even worse.

By the end of the day she was a wreck. A ball of nerves. Peter’s last lesson wasn’t with her so she had to wait for him outside and after ten minutes of waiting she started to wonder if maybe Peter would stand her up and not show up at all. Maybe he didn’t want to date her after all. Maybe he was late on purpose, to make her leave without him.

But then he came running with his backpack slung on his back and she couldn’t help but glare at him even though relief washed over her. The apologetic smile on his lips made her growl almost disappear. Almost.

“Sorry. Ms. Warren asked me something about my last project after the bell rang.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and then started walking beside her, smiling widely. She wanted to stay mad at him but seeing him so happy was so strange and breathtaking, she couldn’t help but break.

Her hands gripped the straps of her bag tighter. “This is a great start.” She grumbled and rolled her eyes but when he took her hand in his all she could do was let a little smile slip as well.

A couple of minutes later MJ coughed. “You know, in Prague there a bridge where they used to execute people by putting them in baskets and throwing them to the water.”

She had no idea WHY she said this but it just… slipped. She didn’t look at Peter, who was probably traumatized or confused. Maybe disgusted by her. A moment later she apologized quietly and Peter’s sharp shake of the head drew her attention. She looked up at him and found a soft smile on her face.

“It’s okay. I know that actually.”

“Oh.” She sent her gaze back to the road ahead of them and tried not to be so impressed by his random knowledge. She didn’t know why, but it also made her feel pride that he knew that.

He cleared his voice. “Yeah. I was actually on that bridge last Summer.”

MJ frowned. She was on that bridge last Summer. There were crazy monsters everywhere her school tripped went to and the night before their flight early back home she decided to take a walk around the area. See the place and have some fun. Was Peter there as well – oh.

Spider-man was the one fighting the monsters. And Mysterio. He was everywhere she went to. Sure, he wore a black suit and people called him Night Monkey for some reason, but it was definitely him. She saw his webs. She wasn’t stupid. And if she forgot about him being in her life… maybe she wasn’t on that bridge alone.

“I was there.” It wasn’t a question. She knew it. She was there – every cell in her body knew it was right. She was on that bridge with Peter. And she felt good about him knowing about her piece of knowledge because she was probably the one who told him about it in the first place. Peter sent her a quick look and nodded. “Tell me what happened.” And after seeing the uncertainty on his face she squeezed his hand. “You can talk about it as long as I don’t tell you to stop, Peter.”

So he did. He told her about him asking her to join him for a walk. How he wanted to tell her he liked her on that bridge and give her the Black Dahlia necklace (it was from Peter! That’s why she couldn’t remember where it was from) only for her to cut him in the middle of his sentence and confront him about Spider-man. Then there was the whole mess with Mysterio the day after that and when Peter mentioned Happy (“Oh, the sweaty guy?” “Yeah, him”), the broken necklace, the bridge and the kiss MJ’s brain filled with blurry moments and whispered words that gave her a terrible headache.

“S-stop. Peter, stop.” She begged and she managed to stay on her legs only thanks to his hand holding onto her tightly. He shut his mouth and faced her, his brows furrowed. She blinked a couple of times and when the pictures and voices subsided she took in a deep breath of relief. “I’m fine. I’m alright. Totally fine. Just… weird moment there.” She tried to laugh it off but Peter kept on eyeing her like she was breakable. “Parker, keep on walking.”

He did as was told reluctantly and remained close to her to make sure she won’t collapse in the middle of the street again. It was cute. Had Ned done something like this she would have been really mad, but Peter’s sole purpose in life was to help others. He was just being himself right now and she liked the person Peter was.

They didn’t talk again until they got to MJ’s place.

“Oh wow…” Peter bit his lips to stop himself from laughing and MJ didn’t know where to burry herself. Because he was in her room and she completely forgot about the wall covered in paintings of Peter Parker. Honestly, it was probably worse than what happened to her on their way there. Peter tipped his head and examined the drawings. “It’s not all of them, right? All of these are new but you used to show me other drawings you had of me before… never mind.”

MJ raised her brows. “I mean… I have the older sketchbooks tucked away somewhere. Wanna check if I still have sketches of a person that doesn’t exist?”

His grin was hesitant now. “Umm… sure. But they’re probably gone. You’re right.”

To their surprise, when MJ took out the older sketchbooks and opened them they found countless more drawings of Peter with different expressions from different ages. She didn’t remember any of them, but it definitely belonged to her. She watched the drawings with interest and studied the boy that appeared in them. Most of them were, of course, Peter in crisis. But there were still lots of ones with him smiling or laughing. There were other people in there, but mostly Peter. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at her younger self. She really didn’t know how to hide her crush, huh?

Although… the wall of paintings of the boy she liked reminded her that this version of her wasn’t any better. Maybe it was just an MJ thing. Being painfully obvious about her feelings towards a certain Peter Parker.

She stopped at a drawing of Peter looking bored. Or upset. Or mad. Or stressed. It was hard to tell. “Oh, I wonder when’s that from…” The words died on her lips when she turned to look at Peter and found the boy eyeing the sketchbook with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Hey, are you okay?”

He nodded, wiped his eyes and sniffed, and when he locked his eyes with hers she noticed he was happy. Tears of joy then.

“It’s just good to see proof of my existence, I guess.”

And when MJ leaned in to kiss him without thinking about it too much she couldn’t help but smile against his lips. Because he was kissing her back and he felt so familiar… and maybe she will never get all of her memories back, but for the first time she completely believed him.