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Futakuchi Kenji wasn't the kind to get stressed easily, not to mention get nervous. Even ones who knew him just briefly could tell you this much.
He would pick fights with the opponent team members during important matches, and he'd even throw snarky remarks at his own team members. During tests and exams he was completely unfazed, and while his classmates were struggling with every question, he'd answer them calmly and slowly.
But seemed like there was something that could make Futakuchi feel nervous. He will never admit it out loud though, since he himself found it unbelievable. Because how could he, the mighty Futakuchi, feel nervous because of a date?
Futakuchi stood in front of the mirror in his room and changed his hair style for the fifth time in the past hour. He've been on dates with countless of girls, he was getting confessions at least twice a week at school, and yet he never felt that strong urge to impress someone, to make sure his appearance and behavior are flawless. And to think the reason for all this was his senpai, on top of it a man.
Futakuchi felt a shiver in his spine and the rate of his heartbeat raised just a little, making him feel like he was about to vomit. That damned gorilla, how dare he make him feel this way. Suddenly pissed, he styled his hair to its normal look, took off the shirt he wore – which happened to be his best and his personal favorite – and threw on himself a cheap tank top. Feeling satisfied and a bit better for the time being, he hurried to leave the house before he had a chance to regret and change his appearance again.
The Sunday morning was quiet and peaceful, but it didn't help with lessening Futakuchi's nervousness, and as he got closer to their meeting place, it only got worse. How did he even end up dating Kamasaki, or more importantly, how did he fall for him in the first place, those were all questions he couldn't answer. He just knew that after the third years retired from the club, he realized that a certain person took a part of his heart with him, leaving a hole in his daily life, a void that couldn't be filled so simply. And somehow in one of their countless violent fights and endless loud screams, he accidently blurted that he might be a tiny bit lonely and desperate without Kamasaki around and Kamasaki's face, which at that time changed their expression from a total shock to a flustered one, told him everything he had to know, making the butterflies in his stomach flutter uncontrollably.
And that was how he found himself in this situation. Of course, he realized that neither of them has actually confessed, but he couldn't help it. How much he hated it, in the end he had to be honest; he fell in love with the person he spent one and a half of his high school years teasing and annoying, probably because he unconsciously already liked him. And they were about to go to their first date.
Futakuchi sighed too loudly, frightening a nearby crowd of birds that searched for some food, causing them to take flight. He took a glimpse at his cell phone and found he was way too early. He thought that if he'd have to wait all alone for Kamasaki to arrive he won't be able to handle his loud heartbeats and would probably end up running away. But when he got to the small family restaurant they chose as their meeting place, he found out he won't need to. Because Kamasaki was already there.
He looked very calm. He stood there like he didn’t have a single worry in the world and occasionally checked his phone. This made a vein on Futakuchi's forehead throb. Could it be he was the only one being nervous? On top of it Kamasaki looked freaking good – for a gorilla like him, Futakuchi hurried to add - totally rocking his blue jeans and his black t-shirt with rolled sleeves, revealing his muscular arms.
Futakuchi took a deep breath, and got closer to the restaurant, suddenly feeling very self conscious. Was he sweating? Did he put enough perfume? Were his clothes lame after all? And why on earth the one making him feel this way is the most annoying senpai in the region?
"Kamasaki-san, you're so early~" Futakuchi called, and was proud his voice sounded like it normally did.
Kamasaki picked his eyes from his phone's screen and his face wore the annoyed expression that seemed to appear as soon as he heard Futakuchi's voice, like it was some kind of an instinct.
"Talk for yourself, dumbass. I woke up early for my morning run, then I was bored so I ended coming early. That’s all there is to it."
"I never asked for your reason for coming early though." Futakuchi said and smirked. Here, he could do it if he tried. He acted surprisingly normal, even though his legs actually felt like they were made of jelly and his heartbeats were still too loud.
"Shut up, you little brat." Kamasaki smacked the back of Futakuchi's head, but when Futakuchi glanced at him he found that he didn't look so annoyed anymore. On the contrary, he looked like he was having a good time, smirking himself. This made Futakuchi feel a bit lighter.
"So, what do you wanna do? Wanna grab something to eat?" Kamasaki suggested, and Futakuchi noticed Kamasaki was avoiding his eyes. Man, that made him feel even lighter. Could it be that his senpai was also nervous after all? He felt like laughing out loud and it made him want to act even more like the annoying brat he is, but on second thought he guessed it'd be better to avoid the later for the time being.
"I'll pass, I just ate at home." Futakuchi lied. He felt that as soon as he'd eat something he would vomit it.
"Then what do you want to do?"
Futakuchi shrugged, "How should I know? You want to tell me you invited me and didn't plan anything? Really Kamasaki-san, you're so unreliable."
"I'm going to leave you here and go home if you don't cut this shit out."
"So scary! No one is going to date you if you're so scary Kamasaki-san."
"But aren't you dating me?"
Futakuchi opened his mouth to continue his trashing, but suddenly he realized what he had just said and the words didn’t find their way out anymore. He felt his cheeks burning and his vision got blurry. God, he had never felt so embarrassed in his entire life. His legs gave up on him and he sat on the ground, head buried between his knees.
"Man, this is the best!" Kamasaki started to laugh loudly, "You should be a little more honest with yourself, Futakuchi."
"Kamasaki-san, you're a bully…" Futakuchi said, his heart beating faster and faster every time a new wave of laughter came out from the blonde haired guy's mouth.
How did he end up falling for this loud guy of all people? He always thought that he'd have a beautiful, small and gentle girl as a lover. Or if that was too much to ask and it had to be a boy, it would've been better if it was someone kind and shorter than himself. Not this big and mean gorilla that called himself his senpai.
"Okay that’s enough, stop sulking." Kamasaki said and ruffled Futakuchi's hair. His hand was big – too big – and rough and warm and damn, it felt so good, Futakuchi didn't want him to stop, "Actually I have a place I want to go to."
Futakuchi glanced up to find Kamasaki looking back at him, his face a little tense, but he couldn't read anything else on it. Then he handed out his hand to Futakuchi and looked away.
Futakuchi felt like his arm was made out of lead, but he lifted it anyway and grabbed Kamasaki's hand, a little grin sneaking to his face. Kamasaki pulled him up on his legs like he was made of feathers, and then he kept on holding his hand for a while longer, squeezing it lightly before letting go of it. He then started walking, the shocked Futakuchi following after him, feeling like he was in a dream, amazed at how much he longed to hold this hand a little longer, still feeling its warmth in his.
"Where are you taking me?" Futakuchi asked after he calmed down a little and felt like he could tease Kamasaki again. It was his hobby after all. "I hope it's not somewhere suspicious."
"Of course it's not, idiot. Why won't you act like a good kouhai for a change and follow silently? Just for today. For one single day."
"But Kamasaki-san, you love it when I tease you, don't you?"
"Hell no."
"Of course you do. If I don't tease you you're bored am I right?"
This earned Futakuchi another smack on his head, "God you're not cute at all. Why am I even dating you?"
"T-That's my line!" Futakuchi mumbled. "I'd rather date a cute girl than a gorilla like you."
"Ah is that so. But do you think there is a girl out there who can survive with you for long? You might have good looks, but your personality is shit. The shittiest I've ever met to be honest."
"Kamasaki-san, did you just admit I'm pretty?"
"I-I just meant it as in you're prettier than the average person? Even a blind person could tell you look better that most of the guys your age."
Futakuchi chuckled, "Are you by any chance stupid, Kamasaki-san?" Futakuchi couldn’t help but feel flattered, it was the thing closest to a real compliment Kamasaki have ever told him. And even though he could tell Kamasaki is very close to get real furious, he couldn't help himself, he was having so much fun, and he felt so happy.
"Really, just shut up, please."
"Okay~" Futakuchi gave up for the time being. His nervousness disappeared almost completely, but being this close to Kamasaki, watching his wide back from behind and still feeling the heat of his hand on his head and his palm made his whole body tense and his mind to go blank to the point that he couldn’t think of good ways to tease his senpai anymore.
"We are here."
Futakuchi stopped daydreaming and looked at his surroundings. They stood in front of the gates of a local elementary school. It wasn't the one Futakuchi went to, but he heard about this one since it was nearby.
"Kamasaki-san? I thought you said you won't take me anywhere suspicious."
"What are you talking about? How is that suspicious?"
"No no, no matter how you look at it, it looks suspicious when a gorilla like you walks into a place full with little, innocent children-"
"Shut up and just come. It's Sunday anyway you ungrateful brat." Kamasaki walked inside the school, dragging Futakuchi from his shirt for the first few meters.
The school was very small and colorful, and the yard was clean and everything in it was arranged neatly. It was quiet but not in a bad way, and Futakuchi found himself looking around curiously. He wondered why on earth Kamasaki brought him there, and then he noticed Kamasaki was leading them to the gymnasium. As they got closer Futakuchi could hear noises coming from inside and he could see the door was wide open. There were people there, even though it was a Sunday.
They entered the gymnasium silently, with no one noticing them. Futakuchi had to admit he was stunned. The gymnasium was filled with tiny little kids that probably were just as tall as his knees. And they were all playing volleyball. He took a few long moments to look around and burn the sight in his mind.
"This is the school I enrolled to when I was a little brat like the ones you see now." Kamasaki said suddenly. Futakuchi peaked at him, but the other guy just looked forward, a somewhat proud expression on his face, "To speak honestly, we were a crappy team. We almost never appeared on tournaments, and on the ones we appeared we were eliminated in the first round. But still we had fun everyday and volleyball looked like the most amazing thing in the world. And when I was in sixth grade I was made the captain!"
Futakuchi sighed, "Is getting closer to graduation and leaving the club turned you into an old man? What are you getting all nostalgic for?"
Kamasaki tuned to look at Futakuchi, and his face was serious, but it also was softer somehow, and it filled Futakuchi with warmth and made his heart throb.
"Being a senpai is tough, you know. Being captain is even tougher. You suddenly have responsibilities, you have to take care of people, you have to make sure you show results and suddenly it seems like nothing else matters but victory. Well, victory is important of course, but…" Kamasaki seemed to be struggling and he scratched the back of his head, "Damn it, I'm really bad with this kind of things."
"You sure are, and it doesn’t suit you."
"But Moniwa insisted I should be the one to give you this talk. I would've liked it if you got yourself some ungrateful underclassmen of your own. Then I could watch as you struggle and suffer trying to lead them and that would've made me the happiest human being in the world."
"I guessed so much."
"But," Kamasaki already looked like he was about to lose the little patience he had, "but, I don't want you to start thinking badly of volleyball. Because when you're having hard times, when things are getting tough, suddenly volleyball doesn't seem so fun anymore and you start to resent it. So what I'm trying to say is,"
Kamasaki wrapped his arm around Futakuchi's shoulders and pulled him closer. Futakuchi was startled from this unexpected turn of events, and together with being this close to Kamasaki, his arm so heavy on his shoulders, it became hard to breath.
"Every time you're having a hard time as a captain, remember these kids. Remember that volleyball is pure and it was meant to be fun and not to make you suffer or over work yourself. That victory is important but it's not everything, that even if you lose – and losing hurts, I know – you can still look back at the match and honestly tell yourself 'I did my best, I gave it my all and it was fun'. That's the kind of captain we, I, would like you to be."
"What the hell." Futakuchi said, his voice just a little unstable. Kamasaki's words hit just on his weak spot. He wondered if his upperclassmen knew he was feeling a little unconfident about himself becoming the captain or if that was just some kind of weird coincidence. In any case hearing those words from Kamasaki, of all people, made the walls he built around himself crumble.
Futakuchi moved closer to Kamasaki, suddenly feeling in need for something to support him, and there was nothing better than the warm and big body that stood so firmly next to him. He clutched Kamasaki's shirt, his hands trembling, hanging on to him with all his might, nails digging into the fabric.
Kamasaki was a little shocked, he didn't think Futakuchi would react so strongly, considering his pride and dishonesty. But seeing him getting emotional actually put his heart at ease. He dragged Futakuchi out of the gymnasium – far away from the children's sight - and led him to the back of the school yard.
Kamasaki looked at his ungrateful and annoying underclassmen, and his tries to fight his tears, struggling not to show his weaknesses in front of him. And he couldn't help but feel satisfied and love struck at the same time.
"Don't make this expression, Futakuchi. It ruins your face and like I said, that's your only good feature."
"Shut up, I get it. You made your point clear." Futakuchi said in a small voice, not letting go of Kamasaki's shirt for a second, placing his face on Kamasaki's chest, hiding it so it won’t be seen. And then Kamasaki's arms were wrapped around him and he embraced him, squeezing Futakuchi's thin body, holding him firmly as keeping him from falling, literally.
A little gasp escaped Futakuchi's mouth, "Kamasaki-san, it's not fair…"
Kamasaki felt his shirt getting wetter, but he didn’t as much as moved. He knew it would come to this eventually, and it was for the best, and it made him smile, even though his heart hurt, just a little. He stayed silent and only kept on holding his precious underclassman.
"Why did all of you choose me? Is this actually your way to get your revenge? You can't leave me alone. You can't, Kamasaki-san, you can't leave me…"
You can't graduate, Futakcuhi found himself thinking, and that was too much for him to say, even in this situation where he had already embarrassed himself enough for a life time, but that sour feeling in his throat and his watery eyes said it all instead.
"Dumbass," Kamasaki patted Futakuchi's head, "You'll do just fine. And I'm not going anywhere. This is why I'm dating a disrespectful brat like you, you know?"
Futakuchi lifted his head, sniffling, but he felt better somehow and his tears stopped flowing. He looked at Kamasaki and was stunned to see a very gentle expression on his face. And he was blushing. Badly. He didn't know his usually fierce and violent upperclassman was able to pull this kind of face.
"D-Don't stare too much." Kamasaki said, leaned forward and kissed Futakuchi's forehead, breath a little too heavy, lips slightly trembling.
"It's too late to ask this. I've been staring since long ago." Futakuchi whispered. How was he able to say something like that, he didn't know. Maybe seeing that Kamasaki also was flustered robbed away all his embarrassment. And he felt such bliss, he thought his heart was going to burst in his chest.
He placed his head on the larger guy's shoulder this time, as though listening to his request not to stare and embraced him back, a very awkward hug, not knowing what to do with his hands, but it felt so safe.
"Seriously, this is the worst date ever." Futakuchi chuckled, "Making me cry on our first date… that's so lame, Kamasaki-san."
"How could I know you'd cry?! Who thought you were such a crybaby… surely not me."
"I wouldn't be crying if it wasn't for all the bullshit you said earlier."
"Bullshit or not it sure moved you didn't it? Stop being so dishonest already. After one and a half year it's finally time you admit that you lo-OUCHI!"
"Shut up you stupid gorilla." Futakuchi squeezed Kamasaki so hard he was barely able to breath, not to mention talk, and Futakuchi's face was burning, and he felt the heat on his ears and his neck and he felt like just melting in Kamasaki's arms.
It was too early. It was still too early for him and it was still too much for him to say, or to hear Kamasaki saying, he realized. But he felt genuinely happy, and he wanted to at least convey this to his upperclassman, who still was the most annoying person in the universe, but he also was his most favorite.
So he closed his eyes, lifted his head once again and brushed his lips against Kamasaki's, so fast and so forcefully it actually hurt, but judging from Kamasaki's blushing face, it couldn't be that bad.
"L-Let's go. I'm giving you a chance to fix this mess of a date so you better think of something." Futakuchi started walking, and after a while Kamasaki caught up to him and silently took his hand in his. And even though his hand was sweating and too hot, Futakuchi didn't let go.
They kept walking hand in hand and let go when they stepped out of the school, and that was fine.
They've just started their long journey together, and they were just fine.