Chapter Text
It’s really a shame, the window seat used to be her favorite when she was little. Even as a teenager, she’d call dibs for it on flights.
She loved the clouds and looking down at cities when they were taking off or landing, especially at night. When they were flying overseas, the clear blue water glistened against the sun and she’d stare at it for hours, listening to music on her iPod. It would be enough to calm whatever nerves she had completely.
It didn’t matter if 2D, Murdoc, or Russel had fallen asleep next to her and was snoring rather loudly. She’d just put in her headphones and stare out the window.
Now, it felt like she was looking death in the eyes. God forbid the plane crashed or the window somehow broke and they’d all be sucked out to their ultimate demise. She’d look out the window and begin to panic, then she’d cause a scene and she hated doing that. Now she sat as far from the window seat as she possibly could, opting for the aisle seat.
Sometimes, she wouldn’t even have to worry about it, making sure that the boys boarded the plane first, with her following close behind so they would have no option but to take the window seat. Sometimes, they’d have the middle seats. She didn’t mind being squished in between Murdoc and 2D, with Russel in one of the aisle seats. She even found comfort in it. It meant that they were here with her and she wasn’t going anywhere.
Still, it really was a bit of a shame, she missed the childlike wonder of pondering what it would be like flying high above the clouds. Now she can’t imagine doing that without falling instead of flying. Falling thousands of feet into a blazing hot inferno. Every time she looks down from a very high place, it’s like she can physically feel the heat. Her aching limbs after walking for days on end with no rest. The almost unbearable pulsing in her right eye.
Worst of all, she felt betrayed. How? She didn’t know. She understands remembering the physical pain, but she was over everything emotionally, right? Apologies were made and people were forgiven. She wasn’t mad at anyone anymore. It was only when she looked down from thousands of feet off the ground, did she feel a burning rage and sadness.
Her bandmates didn’t know this, of course they didn’t. She hid it very well that one time they went to the Grand Canyon. She smiled as her insides churned. Everytime 2D would tell her to look down a cliff with him, she’d pretend to be busy with something else, like taking pictures or talking to another person.
She really wished she loved heights again. She really wished she could talk to her bandmates about her feelings, or anyone for that matter. However, she was older now. She didn’t need to be cuddled or coddled like she was when she was 10 years old and had a nightmare. Sometimes she’d sit in her room and sob silently until she developed a headache and would go to bed feeling empty and exhausted. She was under the notion that she needed to be strong and the fact that she had a fear of silly things like heights made her feel weak.
She was now sitting on a plane in first class. Murdoc was in the seat next to her, snoring away. She reached over him, and shut the open window as quickly as she could. She leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes shut and focused on her breathing. Soon, Noodle drifted off into sleep.