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Boredom comes easy when you’re a thirteen years old princess lost inside a giant castle.
And when Siobhan Roy gets bored, it's like the whole world tilts on its axis. Huge waves crash onto the shore. Tornadoes swirl around the city, swallowing everything on their path. Destructive and dangerous.
When Siobhan Roy gets bored, she makes sure everyone around her knows about it.
She strolls down the vast hallways of her father’s palace, with her chin held high, her long, strawberry-blonde ponytail swinging dramatically between her shoulder blades, and throws orders here and there, at the busy staff who only sigh back tired, rehearsed, Yes, Miss Roy. Right away, Miss Roy.
It’s late summer, but the weather is too windy and too cold up in the Hamptons. Connor called earlier, babbling about his horses and how much he would love for her to come visit his ranch soon so they can ride together, even though Shiv’s equestrian interests have long gone instinct after the death of her childhood pony. Thankfully, she managed to cut the conversation short by lying about Dad needing her help.
Shiv never really enjoyed hanging out with her eldest brother. In addition to being old, and therefore lame, Connor always treats like she’s this fragile, incapable little thing he needs to drag away from their dad’s arms every chance he gets.
And if there’s one thing Shiv hates above all, it’s when decisions are made for her.
She still has few days left to enjoy before she’s supposed to start her first year at the girls academy Mom and she visited months ago.
This was, of course, before Caroline decided out of the blue that Shiv’s educational (and emotional) needs were no longer on her list of priorities, threw divorce papers at Dad’s face and fucked off to God knows where with her new boyfriend.
Roman left for camp in early July and stopped sending letters (or more like, stupid, typical notes full of nothing but jokes and colored insults) after the first two weeks. Shiv tells herself it’s because her brother is too busy having fun with his new weirdos friends to even think about them, too busy fishing and hiking and trying to play the aspiring camper despite gulping down caviar toasts at dinner and sleeping inside a comfortable bed every night.
She doesn’t like to think of the alternative; that maybe, Roman’s silly letters have been intercepted by another hand before her own, then shoved inside a drawer, perhaps even a trashcan, to be forgotten.
Everything you write should have a purpose, Logan told Shiv once, after he caught her copying down lyrics of a Britney Spears song in her pastel pink notebook. Words are weapons, Siobhan. Use them that way.
She wonders if Dad ever gave this same advice to her brothers. For some reason, the idea fills her mouth with a sour taste. Her father’s wisdom is something precious, a valuable diamond she wants to keep close to her heart. And Shiv never liked to share.
Kendall flew back home yesterday to spend the week-end with them before college starts again. Shiv’s excitement at the prospect of having someone else around to ease the void in her chest called boredom completely collapsed when she realized her brother brought a friend along with him. To their house.
Neither she or Roman were allowed to have friends over (friends are too noisy, too nosy).
Shiv resigned herself to the idea that, perhaps because Kendall was an adult now, he was therefore granted more things than his younger siblings.
It was enough to tame the flame of jealousy inside her stomach and replace it with genuine curiosity at the sight of her brother’s new friend.
Last night during presentations, Stewy, polite and charming with his curly dark hair and big doe eyes, managed to put a thin smile on Logan’s face.
Logan had seemed to appreciate the boy’s chatter, like he would, Shiv imagines, appreciate the sound of a deer bellowing into the forest right before he would decide to kill it with his rifle.
And Kendall… Kendall looked at his friend like he hung the moon, like he was the center of the universe. Shiv couldn’t help but secretly find that vision revolting.
How could her brother swoon over some boy, some nobody, when this starstruck look should have been reserved for the person who had always given his blood, sweat and tears for their sake? The person who had allowed him to let a stranger enter their very secretive and sacred circle?
Ungrateful little prick, Shiv had thought bitterly when she retreated into her room for the night.
Today though, with Dad busy with work in his office, flanked, as usual, by his faithful old guard, a lonely and bored Shiv surprisingly finds herself drawn to the boys she’s now forced to cohabit with.
But hanging out with nineteen years old college students quickly turns out to not be as fun as she would have envisioned.
"So, any news from Rome?" Kendall asks her that afternoon as the three of them lay on the private beach, admiring the gray ocean in front of them.
He’s twitchy, a real ball of nerves, despite the joint him and Stewy keep passing at each other. Shiv scrunches her nose in disgust when the heavy smell of weed hits her face.
She tries not to be bothered by the fact that they’re sharing something without her.
They didn’t seem to mind her presence when she joined them earlier, pretending to have coincidentally decided to take a swim as well.
Shiv's thin summer dress clings uncomfortably to her moist skin. She shrugs, "He’s fine, I guess.” A cold breeze erects goosebumps along her naked arms. She swallows down a shiver and starts toying with the charms on the gorgeous Tiffany & Co bracelet her mother gifted her last Christmas. “Probably busy being taught how to piss properly against a tree by some big nature freak, or something like that."
Stewy snorts, clearly amused by her retort. Kendall stares at her with his eyebrows furrowed. Shiv hates that she can read the expression on his face like an open book. What the fuck happened to my baby sister? he seems to be thinking.
"Ugh, Shivvy..." Ken rolls his eyes, but Shiv ignores him. She gestures towards the joint Stewy is holding between his fingers, feeling, all of the sudden, brave and confident enough to ask, "Can I try it?"
"What?" Stewy smiles uneasily. "You’re not serious."
"Yeah, no," Kendall sits up, shaking his head. "No way. Look at you, you’re like— barely five apples stacked on top of each other and you’re trembling like a wet chihuahua."
"Fuck you, Kendall," Shiv spits with more venom than necessary, turning to bat her eyelashes at Stewy again. "Come on. I’m not a child, whatever this loser says."
Stewy exchanges a rapid glance with Ken, "Listen,” he says, “I don’t wanna risk your dad locking me up in his secret chamber of torture because I agreed to let his precious daughter try weed, alright? And I’m like, ninety percent sure you’re already getting high just by the smoke itself anyway."
Kendall takes the joint from him again, "No doobie for you, Princess Potty Mouth.", he laughs before sucking on the little rolled piece of paper like his life depends on it. His glazy eyes are getting redder by the minute. He blows out some smoke then adds in a mocking tone, “Who do you wanna impress anyway, huh? Stew? The fucking seagulls?”
Shiv inhales sharply as she glares at him, feeling the warm, familiar snake of anger slither inside her veins and heat spread fast on her cheeks. Deep breath, she tells herself, forcing the feeling down. She’s not about to let her idiot brother and his idiot friend get at her so easily.
If anything they should be the ones trying to impress her. But so far it’s been nothing but an epic fail from both parts. Harvard students my ass.
“I don’t need to impress anyone,” Shiv deadpans. “I just want to take a hit. Understand what’s so amazing about smoking you guys always look like you’re two minutes away from jizzing in your pants.”
“Dude,” Stewy laughs, nudging Kendall on the arm, “Is she always like this?”
Kendall sighs and leans back on his towel, “Ignore her, she just loves attention.” Then, to Shiv, “You know, if Dad heard you right now…”
He leaves his sentence hanging on purpose. She gets the picture.
“This isn’t about him,” Shiv’s voice is sharper than a dagger. “You don’t get to make decisions about my own well-being!”
“Uh-huh, well you’re twelve, so—”
“Thirteen.”
“Right, sorry,” Kendall huffs, “Big fucking difference.”
Except it is. To her at least. Twelve years old Shiv was weak and embarrassing, always hiding behind Mommy’s skirt for one reason or for another.
But this year has taught her a lot. She learned how to order people around, like she’s seen her parents do a million times before. She learned how to build glass walls around her heart, how to better control her childish needs and desires. And above all, she learned how to hurt.
Of course her brother can’t understand that. Sometimes, Shiv thinks Kendall never grew past the age of fifteen, when life was still easy, not to be taken seriously.
I’m more adult than you ever will be, she wants to brag to his face. Just wait and see.
All of the sudden, like a violin chord that’s been played one bit too hard, something snaps inside her chest. Shiv lunges forward to grab her brother’s bony wrist, firmly determined to steal the joint from him. Ken reacts instantly and holds his arm above his head to keep it out of her reach.
“Hey, hey!” he yelps, out of breath, when she crawls on top of him, shoving her knees in his stomach in the process. “Stop that, what the fuck are you doing?”
“Don’t be a fucking asshole and give it to me!” Shiv snarls, tugging on his wrist with all the force she can muster. In vain, of course. Despite Ken’s frail stature, he’s still bigger, stronger than her. Blood throbs against Shiv’s temples. She feels, with a pang of shame, her eyes start to prickle.
“Enough, okay?” Kendall says calmly when she begins sniffling, biting hard on her lip to hold the tears at bay. He flicks the half-consumed joint in the sand then gently pushes her away from him, “Here, fun’s over for everyone. Stop acting like a brat.”
Shiv reacts before thinking. She slaps him across the face. Not hard enough to truly hurt, though the sound it makes offer her a hint of sadistic satisfaction.
Stewy turns his head towards the sea, barely managing to hide his smirk behind his hand.
Stunned, Kendall blinks up at her, and suddenly there’s something in his eyes. Not anger, or annoyance, she realizes. Worry. Her stomach churns in disgust.
He leans back on his elbows and stares at her like she’s a puppy that just got run over by a truck, a sad little roadkill. “Shiv?”
In his mouth, her name sounds like a question.
Shiv looks down, at the pathetic joint now half-buried in the sand. Humiliation sits deep in her bones, in her soul. She wipes angrily at her cheeks, feeling betrayed by her own, stupid human body, making a fool of herself against her wishes. Fuck this. Fuck everything.
She stands up and spits, "You’re nothing." before storming off. She tries her best to tune down her brother calling for her behind her back. "Shiv, come on! Don’t be like this."
Her heart is pounding against her ribcage when she finally reaches the pathway that leads to the house. Sand sticks to her feet, her legs. Her dress is wrinkled, her skin feels dirty. She smells like a disgusting mix of salt and marijuana.
Mom would give her a scolding, seeing her in that state. She’d grab Shiv by the arm and force her into the bathtub, turn the water on, drag a harsh comb through her tangled hair. Look at you, all manky and gross. Be happy I caught you before your father!
But Mom is gone and Dad is busy. She’s stuck with a brother who thinks he can decide what’s good for her and his smug friend who’s probably already thinking of selling this little story to the press. Siobhan Roy, Waystar’s princess, not so perfect after all.
By instinct, Shiv’s fingers reach out to touch her bracelet, search for its comforting presence. This time though, something feels wrong. She glances down and notices that her wrist is bare, skin smooth and soft where she should normally see silver.
Shiv’s heart skips a beat. Her rage is instantly smothered under a wave of panic.
Annoyed at herself for being so careless, Shiv debates whether to return to the beach now and try to find the bracelet before dark or wait until tomorrow. Her last wish is to go back there and watch her brother give her another pitying stare or worse, think she decided to come back to apologize.
But what choice does she have? Any member of the house staff could stumble upon it and steal it from her.
As embarrassing as it is, the little piece of jewelry may be the only thing that reminds Shiv that, once upon a time, not so long ago, she had a mother who at least pretended to care.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, she turns on her heels and starts heading back towards the beach. Her feet hurt from all this walk in the sand. She can’t stop shivering. She wraps her arms around herself and curses Kendall under her breath. Asshole.
None of that would have happened if her idiot brother had just agreed to pass her the goddamn joint in the first place.
Shiv walks down the narrow stairs leading to their private section of the beach, making sure to keep an eye out for the slightest glint of silver on the ground.
From where she is she can perceive the echo of laughter, voices blending in with the wind and the song of the waves.
In her haste, Shiv slips on the last stair, gripping the rusty handrail just in time but still somehow managing to land painfully on her butt. Cheeks red, she glances around, towards the distant chatter to make sure the boys didn’t just see her humiliate herself furthermore.
Her eyes widen incredulously at the scene playing a few feet from her.
Tangled in a mess of limbs and laying on a towel, unaware of her presence, Kendall and Stewy are currently making out. Stewy is smiling hazily against her brother’s lips and Ken has one hand shoved inside his friend’s swimming trunks.
Shiv can’t help the stunned gasp that escape her mouth. She tries to back away, bracelet forgotten, desperate to leave and bleach her brain, when Stewy’s head jerks up and his eyes meet hers. "Shit," he groans, immediately shoving Kendall off him. "Ken, stop. Stop it."
Kendall pulls back, blinking in confusion. Stewy raises his chin to point out Shiv, frozen on the stair and staring at them with round, shocked eyes. Her brother’s face falls almost comically.
"Oh, no— oh, fuck," Kendall stumbles to his feet. His legs quiver beneath him like a newborn fawn. "I— I thought you left already, what the fuck are you still doing here?"
In a blink of an eye, Shiv turns around and starts climbing up as quickly as possible. Holy shit.
"Hey, wait— wait, hang on," Kendall rushes to follow her, almost tripping twice on the way. "This isn’t, oh fuck— Shiv, whatever you saw, it’s nothing."
"I know exactly what I saw," Shiv answers coldly, surprised to find her voice again. She stops in her tracks to give him a look. "I’m not a dummy, Kendall."
"Okay but you don’t get it, I’m not—" He shakes his head firmly. "We’re both high as shit right now, it’s just fun. It doesn’t mean anything." His voice sounds like a whine. Pathetic.
Shiv has seen fear on her brothers before, the way Roman crumples on himself like he wants to disappear and melt with the walls, the way Kendall’s eyes instantly fill with tears and his breath starts to hitch, the way Connor always tries to escape the room one way or another.
Right now, Ken seems on the verge of collapsing, gaping at her like she’s the rope holding his body over the ledge. A rope that could decide to break of its freewill at any given moment. He looks… terrified.
“Shiv?” Kendall tilts his head. “Hey, you— you understand, right?”
Kendall has a secret. Despite herself, Shiv feels excitement seize her guts. Daddy’s favorite boy has a little secret. But I know, now. I hold this very valuable information in the palm of my hand and I’m free to do anything I want with it.
She hugs her arms tighter around herself. “I don’t know, Ken.”
“Are you still pissed because of the weed thing?” Kendall asks shakily. “Because you know— I thought about it and I, uh, I’ve changed my mind. I'll let you try it, whenever you want. You’re grown enough."
Shiv shakes her head. “I don’t care about the joint anymore. I’m here for my bracelet.”
“Your— your bracelet?” Ken frowns before he seems to remember something. His lips curl into a thin smile. “Oh, yeah, here” he pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to her, “Stew found it in the sand after you left.”
Silent, Shiv takes the bracelet back. Her thumb strokes the heart-shaped "I love you" charm almost fondly.
“Okay, look,” Kendall sighs, “This thing that you think you saw, um— we really don’t have to talk about it, like, ever again. It can stay between us, okay?"
“I think I’m gonna go back home now,” Shiv answers flatly.
“Oh, come on,” Ken lets out a strangled, humorless chuckle. “I’m sorry, yeah? I’m fucking sorry. Is this what you wanna hear?”
“I said I’m going back home, Kendall.”
She moves to leave but he grabs her by the arm. “Hey!” she yells, yanking herself out of his grip and shoving him hard on the shoulder.
Kendall stumbles backwards. He watches her with wet, pleading eyes. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” Shiv snaps back. She wants to hear him say it. Come on, what are you so afraid of? Look at you, not so perfect after all, am I right?
Kendall gestures vaguely towards the house. He opens his mouth but no sound manages to come out of it. After a while, he rubs his face and breathes out a frustrated, “Shiv..."
Shiv swallows down a grin.You think you can tell me what to do? Watch me.
“Please,” Kendall tries one last time, whiny and desperate. “He— he’d kick me out… He’d fucking disown me. This what you want?”
Shiv thinks of all the times her brother was paraded around by their father during meetings and galas, with Dad’s hands never leaving his shoulders.
She thinks of all the times she heard people call Kendall the “heir”, the “future CEO”, the “number one”.
She thinks of all the times she watched him grab all the attention in the room and felt the twinge of envy so deep inside of her it made her sick to her stomach.
She thinks, would Dad finally see me if he learned about this? and her heart swells in excitement at the prospect.
For the first time in her life, Shiv Roy gets to taste the delicious flavor of too much power on the tip of her tongue and decides it’s all she ever wants to have in life.
After a beat of consideration, she turns and leaves the beach without looking back.
*
When Shiv was five years old, she fell off her pony and broke her arm. She remembers the incident like it was yesterday; the cold wind slapping her pale, freckled face, the harsh smell of the stables around her, the taste of dirt and tears in her mouth.
The way her foot got stuck in the stirrup as she landed hard on her left side, the terrible cracking sound her bone made when it snapped in half.
And above all, she remembers an embrace. Warm arms around her, holding her tight. A soft voice telling her it’s going to be fine, but to please stop crying so loud or they’ll both get in trouble. They’re not supposed to be here, see. It’s late, almost midnight on a school day, and Shiv isn’t allowed to ride her pony without her teacher’s supervision anyway.
After that, though, the memory is a blur. She thinks maybe, eventually, someone found them and called for help. Shiv recalls a dark shadow looming over her, later, when she was lying in her bed with her arm in a cast. And that voice again, in the corner of the room. It’s my fault, I didn’t think. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Present Shiv blinks the thought out of her mind. Weird to be thinking about that now. She’s sitting quietly in her father’s office, legs dangling over the floor. It’s way too hot in here, but Dad likes to have a fire burning in the chimney, even during summer. Rich old people stuff, Roman mocked him in private once. Always so fucking cold.
Logan just finished shutting the door behind Frank and Gerri. He doesn’t spare a single glance at Shiv as he goes back to his desk. Shiv watches him press a button on his phone then ask his assistant to go fetch Kendall for him. "And tell him to get a fucking move on, I don’t have all day." Logan adds sharply before slumping down on his chair with a worn-out sigh.
Shiv remains still and silent, a true porcelain doll. She tries not to think of the quick, slightly worried look Gerri gave her on her way out. Whatever. Since when did her godmother decide to care about their problems anyway?
A few minutes of tense silence later, the door opens slowly, revealing a very distraught looking Kendall on the threshold. He’s still wearing his beach outfit. There’s sweat around the collar of his pale brown t-shirt and his hair is a mess, disheveled and wet.
“Dad?” he calls, fingers around the doorknob.
Not looking up from the note he’s reading on his desk, Logan beckons him over. “Come, son. Take a seat.”
Ken swallows, hangs his head, then gently closes the door behind him. He, too, ignores Shiv as he makes a beeline for the chair in front of Dad, dragging with him the minty smell of the cheap deodorant he must have used to hide the stench of weed on his clothes.
Kendall just stands there, gripping the back of the chair so hard his knuckles turn white. After what feels like an eternity, Logan’s head snaps up in confusion.
“Well?” he barks out, impatient. “What the fuck are you waiting for?”
Ken flinches and forces himself out of his stupor. “Right, yeah— Sorry.” He sits on the chair, back upright and hands around his knees. Shiv observes from the corner of the room, biting her lip in anticipation.
When earlier, with a quick whisper in his ear, she informed Logan what she saw on the beach, his first reaction was to nod, as if she’d just told him about the current weather.
Shiv had felt a bit disappointed at his lack of appropriate response.
But with Kendall here now and the obvious, thick tension in the room, she wonders if Dad just wanted to wait until it was only the three of them to properly lash out.
“So,” Logan leans forward on his elbows. “Did you have a nice afternoon, son?”
Kendall can’t quite look at his father in the eyes when he replies with a shrug, “Um, yeah, I mean… It was alright. Just— enjoying the beach with Stew, you know.”
“Uh-huh.” Logan nods. “And where is he now? Your little college pal?”
“Oh, um— I don’t know.” Ken shrugs again, picking nervously at a loose thread on his swimming trunks. “Somewhere, maybe-- maybe chewing Frank’s ear off with business tactics or whatever.”
“Yeah,” Logan says, laying his palms flat on the desk. “So, what’s the story then?”
Kendall looks up with a slight frown. “The— the story?”
“Pinkie told me.” Logan makes a vague sign in her direction. “She saw you, on the beach. With your tongue desperate to reach that boy’s tonsils and your hand in his pants.”
Shiv feels herself flush. She wishes she could erase that image from her mind.
Kendall just stares incredulously at Dad. A beat later, he breathes out a small chuckle. “Wow, okay. That’s—” His eyebrows furrow in feigned confusion. “Sorry, what?”
“Oh, spare me the little act,” Logan grunts with a dismissive wave of the hand. “You’re done, you’re busted. Now be a fucking man.”
“But that’s not—” Ken sits up and shakes his head. “Come on, Dad, don’t tell me you believe her? It’s Shiv we’re talking about. She’s— she’s a fucking kid, she’s just saying shit.”
“How long has this been going on?” Logan watches him with cold, narrowed eyes. “Is this what you spend your time doing in Harvard when you’re not busy snorting dope? Why you brought him here? So you two could fuck right under my nose? In my fucking house?”
“Dad,” Ken sighs and holds out his hands in front of him in a appeasing gesture. “Please, just… Okay, listen to me. I don’t fucking know what she’s talking about. We— I mean, we smoked some pot maybe, so what. But that was it, okay? She’s just making stuff up because she fucking loves the attention. You know that. It’s her favorite thing.”
“It’s not! Dad, I’m not—” Shiv tries to argue, before being shut off by her father suddenly rising to his feet and going straight towards Kendall. By reflex maybe, Ken immediately moves to stand up as well, chair squeaking on the floor. Like a lion on a prey, his father approaches him slowly.
Logan only stops when they’re almost chest to chest. “Are you a fucking fairy, son?” he growls, carefully studying his son’s blank expression. “Is this what it is?”
Holding Logan’s gaze, Kendall clenches his jaw. “She’s lying.” he repeats, slowly, through his teeth. His eyes shine with hurt.
There’s a beat of heavy silence before Logan turns around and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Siobhan!”
Shiv nearly jumps out of her skin. She straightens up on her seat with her eyes wide and confused. “You telling lies?” Logan asks her angrily.
Shiv is about to reply no when she catches her brother’s gaze. It’s the first time Kendall has looked her way since he entered the room.
And despite everything, he still doesn’t seem angry at her. The sad expression on his face only tells her he wished she could leave the room now so she wouldn't have to witness what’s about to happen.
All of the sudden, Shiv hears the faint echo of a familiar, boyish voice inside her head, You’re gonna be okay, Shivvy. I’ll tell Dad it’s my fault. I’ll tell him it was me.
She remembers then. A gangly, eleven years old Kendall cradling her small body against his chest as she wept, broken arm throbbing with pain, stomach squeezed by fear at the thought of Dad finding them like this. Weak and pathetic.
She gulps and looks down at her lap. Her cheeks heat up in shame.
“I’m sorry” she whispers, voice trembling.
“Speak louder!”
“Uh, dad…”
Shiv gathers enough courage to raise her head and admits shakily, “I’m sorry for lying, Daddy,” Hot tears sting behind her eyes. “I was— I was just bored.”
Logan drags his hands across his face and groans something under his breath, before regaining his desk and pointing towards Kendall, “You, get the fuck out. I’ve seen enough of your face for a lifetime. Come back when you find your balls again.”
"Dad," Kendall says, calmly. “It’s fine, okay? Let’s just drop this.”
“I said fuck off! I need to have a conversation with your sister.”
Not once in her life has Dad raised a hand on her. But seeing him now, visibly pissed, with his fists pressed against his thighs and rage twisting his face, Shiv thinks that perhaps the time has finally come. She's never seen her father so mad, so disappointed at her.
She grasps the arms of her chair and takes a quivering breath. Fear coils in her guts.
Kendall casts one last, pitiful glance in her direction before sighing and turning to leave the room. I guess we're even now, Shiv thinks with a pang of regret.
She closes her eyes and braces herself for the worst.
*
Shiv’s room is plunged into dark when she finally manages to ease the angry sobs that kept racking her whole body, rendering her breathless. She sniffles and buries her face deeper into her pillow, reaches out to pull a second one to her chest.
Her bare wrist comes into view. Shiv clenches her teeth at the image, so hard it starts to hurt. She swallows down another anguished sob and snaps her eyes shut. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you…
Dad didn’t touch a single hair of her head. He did worse. Annoyed at seeing her nervously fiddle with it during his scolding, Logan ripped her off of her secret, most prized possession before tossing it into the fire without second thought. Maybe now you’ll listen to me when I speak!
Shiv watched the silver melt and turn to black and imagined it was her heart.
Behind her, she hears the joints of the door creak slightly. Shiv holds her breath and hugs the pillow tighter against herself. She opens her eyes and shoots daggers at the wall in front of her, thinking, It’s all your fucking fault.
“Shiv?” Kendall’s voice is a whisper in the dark. “You okay?”
Shiv fights the urge to turn around and asks him if he knows where he can shove his stupid fucking concern. She doesn’t reply. She just continues to stare at the wall, ignoring the tears that roll down her cheeks despite her best efforts.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” her brother asks hesitantly.
More silence. Kendall lets out a resigned sigh.
“I just wanted to say… Thank you.”
After a beat, Shiv hears him step back and close the door. He's gone in a flash.
With an enraged cry, she whirls around on the bed and throws her pillow at the space where he was standing a few seconds ago. Her heart beats in sync with the devious chorus that keeps repeating the word, coward, inside her head.
She slams her palms against her ears and makes a silent promise to herself.
Never again.