Work Text:
You blink. Again. And again.
No results.
You sigh loudly, placing your hands by your eyes. You felt the soft curve of your skin. You felt the flicker of your eyelashes as you blinked. You felt the dips under your eyes, heavy from long nights lying awake such as this. Another dejected sigh leaves your lips, and you wave your hand above your head, hoping, dreaming of a flicker of movement, a blast of light, something, anything visible. Anything to tell you that the world wasn't just a cloud of darkness. But you should have expected that.
You shift, turning from the spread out position you had taken, towards the pressure you felt beside you. You listen, the faint breathing only edging on the sadness you felt.
You turn away. Lightly swinging your legs off the bed, attempting not to wake him. Your hands sit slightly away from your body, per habit, but you know the apartment well enough to make your way to the bathroom without accident. It does take you longer than usual, but it's better than to risk waking him up. Once you arrive, you slide down the wall, letting out your once held breath. You relax and close your eyes.
You bite your lip. You can already feel the lump forming in your throat. Your hands are shaky and cold. The bathroom echo's with your voice. Your breathing is heavy and thick as you try to keep from getting any louder. It's hard to hold back the sobs, not when you feel so alone. Your shoulders tense and you try to force them to relax. Its then that you register the warmth going down your jaw, along with the cold path left behind on your cheeks. You hold yourself back from reaching for the drawers under the counter.
You think your lip is bleeding now, and your jaw is tired from the force you'd put into holding back your weeping. Thoughts are flying past you, none much better than the other. Useless. That's what you are. A horrible burden. It's all you'll ever be. Just a being to be pitied.
You can feel your nose running, the burning in the back of your throat only worsening the feeling. You stand up, feeling for the sink. Twisting the tap on the side, you rinse your hand under the cold water. You try to lean forward, in hopes of cleaning your face, but only succeed at breaking the mirror over head. It wasn't something horrible. Or shouldn't have been. But some of the glass had shattered on the floor.
You cursed yourself, crouching down and feeling for glass gently, hoping you'd be lucky enough not to injure yourself more than the small swollen lump on your head. No such luck. You can feel the glass sliver cut the skin along your palm, and it's enough to make you break down. You were completely useless. You ruined everything. You couldn't even wash your face without fucking up completely. It completely escaped you as to how anyone could love you.
The cut wasn't deep, but it glided right across your palm, beading with warmth. The stinging hurt, but not as much as the thoughts that littered your mind. The sting of your own words killed you. Not because of the idea, but because of the truth behind them. It broke you. You let out the sobs you had been holding. You covered your face with your hands, not caring about the blood that would cover your face.
You let yourself out of the crouch, sitting down lightly, thankfully avoiding any other shattered glass.
It felt like an eternity. You sat there, weeping, shoulders shaking and jaw shivering. You gripped at your face, rubbing your eyes and cheeks, wishing for a miracle. Just to be able to see anything. Just once. To be able to see his face, to see his smile. You wished, but hopelessness was not something to leave easy. With the thought of him, you remembered your resolve to not wake him. And so you simply pulled your knees to your face, hiccupping and twitching.
It didn't help.
You heard the door open quietly, and you pulled yourself closer together. You felt anger, but relief that he had noticed your absence. It was comforting to know he was looking out for you, but it hurt to know that he had to. The conflicting emotions just hurt you more, and you tried to pull yourself closer, as if you might be able to disappear if you tried hard enough. But once again, it didn't help.
"Fuck ____... What the hell happen...ed..." You listened to him slow. You could hear his voice soften from the angered, sleep deprived annoyance he normally held. He slowly crouched down, cupping your hand with his larger one. You could feel the tender love in his touch. It calmed you. His other hand moved to your cheek, lifting your head lightly. You could feel his stare on your skin, and it brought tears to your eyes again. You turned your head away from him.
"___... It'2 alriight..." He was never good at this. You knew him well enough. But the fact that he tried warmed your heart. "Ju2t, 2tay there alriight." He told you. You sit still, listening as he turns the tap and starts the shower. You hiccup, accidentally sliding your foot away from you, and you can hear him jump. You frown and close your eyes again. Waiting for him to be ready.
When he's done, you can feel him gently lift you off the ground. You could feel his breath on your ear, and you can tell just how upset he is. You push into his body as he brings you into the shower, not bothering to remove either of your clothes. Once he's assured that you're ok, he slowly sits down and pulls you closer. His hand rests on the back of your neck, and you can feel it shaking.
"When ii woke up... you weren't there... ii wa2 2o worried." You can feel just how hard he's trying to get his words out. Eventually, he stops, sighing. His grip is so tight around you. His left hand makes its way to your hair. Playing with it worriedly. His lips are on your cheek, lightly kissing away the tears that were gathering once again. All you can do is lean into his touch, blocking out the feeling of cascading water in preference of his slightly chapped lips.
The two of you stay in there until the water runs cold. Holding each other, relishing the comfort of the other's warmth. He brought you out, changing you and helping you towards the bedroom on weak legs. You aren't crying anymore. He gently bandages your hand, calloused fingers brushing up your arm. You can feel him plant another gentle kiss on your forehead, before moving off towards what seems to be the closet.
You listen to him change, imagining what he might look like. The way he moved, the expressions he makes, you would never see any of it. It made you feel lonely. But his thumb brushing along your cheek pushed the feeling away. He pulls you into his lap, and you lean into him once again. He rests his chin on your head, and you can feel the gentle smile pull at his lips with each and every movement.
His arms rest lightly on your back, and he rubs light, soothing circles into it. You relax into him, letting go of the tension you hadn't realized was building up. Every one of his movements is careful and gentle, as if he's afraid you might brake should he move the wrong way. You can tell that he's doing what he can, to make sure you always feel something. He's trying to distract you from your lack of sight. It doesn't work, but the movements help calm the helplessness you feel.
"____... ii love you 2o much... ii know you don't beliieve iit, but you're perfect. iin every 2iingle way..." He whispers, pulling you closer. " 2o what, you can't 2ee... you don't need to be able to 2ee to know that you're perfect. From your smiile, to your laugh, your voiice. All of you. You're 2o damn perfect, and ii love you. 2o, 2o much. ii'm so lucky to have 2omeone a2 beautiiful a2 you." He continues, his words filled with a desperate need, the need for you to understand his message. To take the message to heart and accept it. And that's what you'll do.
You feel him leave another kiss on your head, before carefully lying you down on the bed and standing up. You can hear him typing away at his laptop, and you frown curiously. It takes a moment, but you can hear the music now, old 8 bit music. You smile, he does love his video games, you giggle to yourself at the thought. In the next moment, you can smell the vanilla float through the room, along with the sound of a flame. And you close your eyes, taking it all in, from the calming melody, to the spiralling scent that surrounded you.
"ii know iit's nothing compared to what you want, but... well..." He searches for the right words, trying to find a way to express his emotions. But it ends with a frustrated sigh. "Let'2 just get 2ome 2leep." He tells you, finally, before climbing in beside you, holding you closely from behind.
"I love you Sollux... Thank you." You tell him, slowly drifting off into sleep, the feel of his warmth, along with the smell of vanilla lulling you to your dreams. Before you're gone, you can hear him whisper quietly.
"ii love you too... Good night ___"