Work Text:
“The character writing has so much potential but that hack author just refuses to expand upon it! Can you believe that? Instead, he wastes his time describing how the main character …like… how he…”
“Yes? What does he do?”
“...”
“You know what, forget about it. It’s just a silly web novel anyway. I shouldn't waste my energy on this.”
“Wasting energy? Yuan-ge I barely get to hear you rant this passionately anymore! Besides, it's not like you are writing essays in this webnovel's comments or something…”
There is silence on the other end of the line, but Luo Binghe barely notices.
“Actually gege, what's this novel called again?”
“…”
This time, Luo Binghe definitely notices the conspicuous silence.
“ …Anyways Binghe, thanks for worrying about me. I forgot to reply to your texts because this dumpster fire of a novel took over my whole brain at the start of the month.”
“Yuan-ge it’s the…”
“The 19th, yes, yes I know.”
“Have you been doing your chores?”
The sink is empty, save for a bit of cutlery. The laundry basket is basically empty too. It's been a while since he properly cleaned but a little dust won't kill anybody.
The trash though? Overflowing with noodle cups. And to be honest, the only reason why the laundry didn’t need to be done was because Shen Yuan had put showering on hold since his webnovel induced obsession had taken hold of him and rattled him inside out.
“…”
Luo Binghe can’t help but sigh. This guy really is helpless. Not that Luo Binghe minds that much, but it is worrisome. Shen Yuan’s family has left for a business trip and their lifelong experience with Shen Yuan's peculiar lifestyle had prompted them to call in backup. Now Luo Binghe, the only friend Shen Yuan had made in his time at university, has the task of (lowkey) checking up on his friend to make sure his lack of self-care didn’t get out of control.
Head over heels Luo Binghe has already (lowkey) been doing that ever since Shen Yuan took the semester off but they didn’t need to know that. There was something cute about this incompetent rich boy, so he couldn’t help himself but fret a little. The fact that this privilege has granted him a spare key to the loveable fool's apartment had Luo Binghe's heart going at a hundred beats per second. A storm raged inside him. Should he go to Shen Yuan's place and do the cooking and cleaning for him, or would that be too much, even though the whole situation was basically begging for it? Was this Shen Yuan’s plan? Did he intend to imply that he needs to be taken care of like the incapable nerd that he is? Did the Shens just set him up for a whump plot?!
Luo Binghe sincerely wishes for that to be the case.
“Yuan-ge….”
Now this sounds suspicious! Was Luo Binghe mad? Shen Yuan has a hard time reading him sometimes. You see, ever since he took the semester off, he has been going out less and less. Other than Binghe and his family, he didn’t really talk to anyone that much anymore. The fact that Binghe has managed to worm himself into Shen Yuan’s life was a miracle in itself! Not that he doesn’t like his jaw droppingly gorgeous… acquaintance, no, far from it! But in combination with being perpetually exhausted without cause and not being that outgoing to begin with, Shen Yuan simply doesn’t have the energy to keep up with others anymore. Though that doesn't doesn't mean he's completely socially inept! He’s been told that he’s actually a very pleasant and polite youth! But when Luo Binghe behaves like that? Well, his face suddenly feels all warm and he grimaces, as if he’s in for a scolding!
“Yeah…?”
Has Luo Binghe said something wrong? Why does Shen Yuan sound like a kicked puppy? Should he not go after all? What if Shen Yuan is just putting up with him and actually hates him? Wait no, Luo Binghe has to calm down. He has to venture out and risk a little skin, otherwise he’ll never get anywhere with his pining.
He cleared his throat " It’s late now, try going to sleep. I’ll come help you tomorrow morning, alright? “
Ah, so his buddy just wants to give him a hand? What a nice guy! His wife would be lucky to have him. Shen Yuan can feel his shoulders relax. This is a chance to show off his model manners!
“What? Binghe, I couldn't possibly…”
“But I want to- ”
“En, thank you very much and sorry for bothering you. I’ll do just that. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Shen Yuan is a liar. It’s only 11 pm. It's way too early for him to sleep! Moreover, he has not left his bed the whole day! Furthermore, Shen Yuan only has 197 chapters of Proud Immortal Demon Way left! If he really puts his back into it, he will be able to finish before Luo Binghe arrives in the morning! He would have pulled an all nighter anyways but this just justifies it better than the usual “ If I’m left alone with my thoughts I’ll be reminded of my current circumstances, get stressed out and thus be unable to sleep, meaning the only way for me to sleep is to pass out from exhaustion. “
Shen Yuan gathers all his willpower to extract himself from under his blanket and then wanders two steps to his right, to his barren desk. It's empty, save for his laptop. Reading Proud Immortal Demon Way on a bigger screen means maximum concentration!
Meanwhile, Luo Binghe could not for the life of him keep himself from grinning. He’s going to Yuan-ge’s place tomorrow! What will he cook? Should he prepare a meal at home or at Shen Yuan’s place? If he wants to cook in Shen Yuan’s kitchen, he’ll need to bring ingredients, which means he’ll have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. Luo Binghe can picture it perfectly:
Him and Shen Yuan, married. Shen Yuan returns after a long day of work to a heavenly smelling kitchen and an array of his favourite dishes spread out on the dining table. He bought groceries on the way. Luo Binghe emerges from the kitchen in an apron decorated with frills. Both their faces light up when they see each other. Luo Binghe greets Shen Yuan with a peck on the cheek. Before he can say anything, he’s engulfed in a kiss. Shen Yuan is kissing him, hungry and passionate. And he pushes Luo Binghe against the table and then-
“Uhm bro… are you drooling?”
Luo Binghe realises his train of thought and reprimands himself with a quick slap to the cheek. Preposterous! How can he think such things?! Too unrealistic! Tomorrow Binghe will be the one coming home with groceries, not Shen Yuan!
One deadly glare is enough to make his hamster roommate quiver in fear. With a dramatic turn, one that would definitely be accompanied by a flick of his sleeve, if this were a xianxia novel, he moves to get ready to sleep. He has an important day tomorrow and Shang Qinghua would be the last to understand anything about romance.
Speaking of xianxia novels....
Proud Immortal Demon Way is a YY stallion novel written by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. Just a few weeks ago the last chapter was published and now there was a surge of new people ready to devour the whole thing in a matter of days. Usually, Shang Qinghua scrolled around the forum discussions and didn't bother checking the comments of any chapters older than a few days. Nevertheless, he found himself mesmerised by one avid commenter (and, as he later discovered, forum discussion participant); Peerless Cucumber.
Starting about 19 days ago, one after another comment of immeasurable length started popping up under every single PIDW chapter. The commenter critiqued each one as thoroughly as might be expected from a guy reading some academic article, true to the unspoken law of the Internet this included, among other things, being insulted front and back for alleged degeneracy.
Years of uncreative online hate have hardened Shang Qinghua into a hard pebble stuck at the bottom of the ocean. Once there might have been jagged edges which would let him get caught up in some insecurity his hater had unknowingly provoked but now, he just lets the tons of water wash over him. But then there came a cucumber like no other dragging him from the depths of his habit-dulled indifference, up to the harsh and refreshing ocean winds of the surface; a stone out of water, a languishing author out of his drab routine.
In the duration of the past few weeks or so, Cucumber's dissertation on Luo Binghe had garnered a lot of attention by fans and antis alike. Reading through the mass of comments nobody was able to tell, is this guy serious? This is a stallion novel after all, why is he taking this so seriously? Did Airplane personally offend him? Of course, yes, neither the plot nor the women had any real substance but that's basically genre convention. Shang Qinghua's customer service review revealed 100% satisfaction!
Peerless Cucumber truly is unparalleled, that's exactly why he managed to capture the interest of the Great Airplane himself! His dedication is one of a kind! Especially in regards to the protagonist! No matter what, no criticism would ever be directed at the protagonist, it was always wasted potential this, no real person acts like this that and probably the highlight of it all “I can't believe you're misrepresenting Luo Binghes everywhere, don't you think they have enough problems?!”
What was that even supposed to mean?! Who in the everliving fuck was actually called Luo Binghe in real life!?And that's just a surface issue right here!
At least that was what he had thought up until a few weeks ago. You see, with PIDW wrapping up, money was bound to get tight again. Shang Qinghua needed to move, or at least, get a roommate.
Well after a long and careful search, he had found the perfect place! The boy appeared to mind his business and be tidy. Besides, he looked uncannily familiar, maybe Shang Qinghua would find inspiration for his new hit novel in this mysterious subject.
“Sorry, I didn't catch your name, what was it again?”
"Luo Binghe."
Or maybe he already had done exactly that!
Fate must have been feeling really clever when they set this day up. Well, nothing to be done about it! It'll be a bit awkward at the start but the rent's good so he'll just make do. Maybe gentleman Peerless has a point. It wasn't fair that this dude had to bear the burden of his name being the same as that of THE Bing-ge.
They’ve been living together for multiple weeks by now and while this Luo Binghe definitely is his own person and not some murderous evil playboy, the similarities between the demonic Emperor and his broke university student AU are startling. Both are five star chefs, both are unreasonably mean and real life Luo Binghe looks just the way Airplane imagined Bing-ge would look! However weirdly enough he wasn't coming home with a different woman every night. No, quite the contrary, it appeared to him that other than his " Yuan-ge" (Could you please not say it like that!) there was pretty much nobody.
As far as Shang Qinghua is aware, the boy goes to university and works a few jobs on the side, no wonder there's no woman warming his bedside, the guy's dead tired and exhausted! The fact that Luo Binghe's bed frame can barely fit in the man himself is probably not helping! Shang Qinghua can relate to working himself to the bone so his pity is immense. Whenever he isn't brainstorming ideas for a new book, or to be frank, just any way to make money, he’s doing little chores around the apartment to lessen the load on Luo Binghe. Maybe it’s just procrastination, but at least he’s being useful.
Shang Qinghua knows just the way to worm himself into someone's heart and once again he has hit with 100% accuracy! After some time, Luo Binghe actually started talking to him instead of just glaring! His mood was improving!
For some reason, Shang Qinghua's heart hurt not seeing his bootleg protagonist thrive and instead be confronted by the unrelenting force of capitalism. So, slowly, he started to appreciate Luo Binghe's extremely regular calls to that Yuan-ge. Even if it is truly irritating to see Luo Binghe do a whole 180, it still meant that the guy was able to find happiness somewhere, right? Maybe Shang Qinghua is getting overly attached to this stranger, but he truly feels like a wistful father watching his son chase the metaphorical skirt of some oblivious man. Shang Qinghua can tell from the dreamy way Luo Binghe speaks about Yuan-ge, of his own volition no less, that this romance still has a long way ahead of itself if he hoped to make something actually happen.
...wait, actually, this is getting his creative juices flowing... is his next hit for the masses going to be a mind boggling danmei? Fangirls had already partly paid off his rent before so maybe they'll pay for Why Won't My Dreamy Crush Let Me Suck Him Off? as well!
Completely wrapped up in a creative storm, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky begins endlessly clacking away at his keyboard. With the concentration of a man who has once pumped out 10k a day, a loose outline takes form.
When morning comes Shang Qinghua is totally enraptured in the best way to capture the pathetic nature of this couple. Thanks to that, he misses one half of his pairing actually announcing his leave for the first time ever. On the side, his phone is buzzing away with the barrage of comments incoming from the last PIDW chapters.
Comments by no other than the mysterious other half of his pairing!
\\\
This can't be it! What the fuck was Airplane thinking? Is this how you end a stallion novel? This feels like a transition scene! What will happen to all those wives? What was going on with Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? How is Bing-ge feeling?
Won't Airplane fill any plothole at all?
Preposterous!
Shen Yuan has stayed up all night, just for this lackluster garbage? Impossible! Now he'll have to face the real, concerned Luo Binghe and be forced to tell him that staying up for his demonic stallion counterpart wasn't even worth it?
Bubbling away in a kettle parallel to Shen Yuan's rage, is the water for his breakfast. Shen Yuan needs a snack before he can start composing his magnum opus on why Proud Immortal Demon Way sucks ass and the only good things to come out of it, the monsters and Luo Binghe, were done dirty by the awful writing of a sellout. The only possible salvation for this disgrace to literature would be a complete rewrite by someone more capable than Airplane! Gone are his reservations of "Oh, maybe this is foreshadowing" or "Oh, maybe something is still coming?" No. All hope is lost and Shen Yuan's teeth are getting pulverised.
He has to finish his rant before the cute white lotus Luo Binghe gets here. While the two are obviously two different people it still feels like a disservice to his one and only... acquaintance to not defend his namesake on the Internet. Luo Binghe is getting a bad rep and Shen Yuan won't stand for it. Every version of Binghe should be the best and the happiest! That's just what's just and right in this world!
Stupid author! Stupid novel!
His fist slams down into the table and the instant noodle cup trembles as if there was a Richter scale magnitude 9 earthquake. The broth spills everywhere.
He panics while unchewed noodles still dangle from his mouth. The stress stops him from realising that his throat is closing up and that his eyes are watering. Which in turn leaves him gasping for air and culminates in him not wiping up the mess he made before-
A cheery knock resounds on Shen Yuan's door.
“Yuan-ge~ I brought something.”
The sing-song voice follows up with, "Open up, we'll eat together. "
Luo Binghe waits a little and makes an exaggerated thinking sound.
"Oh no... I think these delicious meatbuns will spoil any second now....I bought them fresh just for you...."
Of course, that's a lie. He is going to make them there together with Shen Yuan. He would slowly and patiently guide him through the steps one by one. Their fingers brushing against each other when they both reach for the spoon, then, maybe, he'll gently take Shen Yuan's hands into his own to help with wrapping up the filling and then Shen Yuan would raise his chin to-
Well anyways, Luo Binghe had it all neatly planned out. There is no way in hell he would buy ready-made food and risk it getting in the way of a perfect plan! Besides, the grocery store's garbage is simply not worth being graced by Shen Yuan's pure presence. Luo Binghe will make sure that, as long as he was around, none of it would ever reach Shen Yuan's supple, parched and crispy lips!
Luo Binghe has acting skills that, under normal circumstances, would fool even the most perceptive people, but currently, he’s so giddy at the prospect of eating breakfast with his crush that you can clearly picture the bright smile on his face by overhearing a single sentence. A smile so deep it might as well have been etched in.
There is still no sound from within the apartment.
This calls for greater measures; Yuan-ge's weak spot : pouting!
“Moorning? Could it be that Gege is not awake yet? Do you want to leave me out here in the cold? Ah... you are so cruel…”
Maybe he really is still asleep because this was an otherwise fool proof method of demanding Shen Yuan's attention!
Luo Binghe knocks more loudly this time. Could it be that Shen Yuan is a heavy sleeper? That would be adorable. If this were true, then he was probably dragging himself out of bed right now, a loose t-shirt slipping off, revealing his slender shoulders.... messy hair obtruding his view and glasses askew from having put them on too quickly...or maybe no glasses at all? What does Shen Yuan even look like without glasses?! Luo Binghe can't take it anymore, quick, hurry, open up!
But nevertheless, there is nothing. An ear to the door doesn't help much either. The only sounds that reach his ears are so quiet he can't make them out. Is that breathing or is that the sound of Shen Yuan shuffling around?
"There's no need to be shy, it's alright if your room is messy.”
Really, Luo Binghe isn't expecting anything else.
Luo Binghe starts tapping his foot for a bit and then puts down his groceries. He hadn’t wanted to expose the ace up his sleeve but the way Shen Yuan is behaving leaves him with no other choice. He fumbles around in his pockets a little and then takes out his perfect little collection of keys all labelled and organised by importance. Naturally, the apartment’s spare key is the easiest to find.
He relaxes his jaw and shoulders, before taking a deep breath. His concern has reduced his beaming smile to a hesitant one.
“Alright Yuan-ge, I'm opening the door now.”
This will be Luo Binghe's first time in Shen Yuan's apartment. Sure, he has brought him home from a seminar once or twice but he has never actually crossed the threshold. He wasn't even allowed a peek inside. Shen Yuan easily tired out so he always had a tight grip on the handle, practically itching to slip into the comfort of his own home.
Binghe imagined a lot of things: stereotypical modern rich people decor, nerdy posters and figurines or hell, maybe even something messy and fratboyish. But whatever the interior, nothing like this.
Shen Yuan's apartment is empty. Located near the entrance is a small kitchen with a table and a single chair. There's dust everywhere and the trashcan is overflowing, with additional trash beginning to pile up around the can. No sunlight reaches the room since the curtains are mostly drawn.
The walls are bare, the kitchen is bare and the living room, if you could call it one, is bare. There is no carpet to cushion your feet. What greeted both visitors and inhabitants were tiles so icy, not even socks could stave off the chill. It is so stuffy, it is hard to breathe. If instant noodles could rot, then that smell definitely overlapped with the room's stuffiness.
The room overwhelms as much as it underwhelms.
Faintly discernible from the cracked door a little further ahead is laboured breathing, wheezing, coughing and hacking.
The groceries are promptly abandoned at the doorstep.
In his hurry, Luo Binghe almost runs headfirst into the door.
His voice cracks.
“A-Yuan what's-”
On the ground, face down, is Shen Yuan, grabbing his chest with one hand and struggling to support himself with the other. One especially grating cough makes his arm cave in and sends him slamming into the floor again. He is twitching and convulsing. He is choking.
A cry is strangled in his throat, but terror has sewn it shut. Luo Binghe’s brain cannot compute the scene unfolding in front of him. The sound of Shen Yuan's face crashing onto the hard floor jars him from his horror and snaps him back to reality.
Luo Binghe is scrambling to help Shen Yuan up, meanwhile the other’s noodle-y arms are already clinging to Luo Binghe with a strength only privy to a half-dying man. Originally Luo Binghe intended to get scratches in an entirely different way today but that’s ok! As long as Shen Yuan does not die right now, it’s not off the table yet!
While an amalgamation of horrible thoughts jaywalk at the intersection of Luo Binghe’s mind, his hand has already turned on autopilot and is busy with whacking the choking guy’s back, maybe a tiny bit too strongly.
“Wrauughhh”
Or maybe just enough!
“Is everything alright?”
Before Luo Binghe can fuss over the freshly saved Shen Yuan, the latter crawls across the ground towards his desk, revealing a dusty trashcan and vomits out the entire contents of his stomach.
(Wait, you had a trashcan here? So what’s with that pile in the kitchen?!)
If Luo Binghe’s obscene thoughts weren’t unholy enough, the sounds that Shen Yuan is hurling out took the cake and vomited said cake right back out again.
Luo Binghe is filled to the brim with anxiety. The past few minutes have been one shock after another. Although Luo Binghe was aware that Shen Yuan was a little.... clumsy, he wouldn’t have expected it to reach this degree. What would have happened if he hadn’t come in time?
The thought alone made Luo Binghe shiver.
With Shen Yuan hunched over, the unfortunate bystander meekly shifts to sit next to him. There’s not much you can do to help a person who’s puking, really. Luo Binghe prepares one of his spare hair clips and rubs circles on the poor guy’s back.
He offers soothing noises but it seems like they’re doing more for Luo Binghe’s benefit than they are for Shen Yuan.
They don’t spend much time like this, Shen Yuan has not eaten that much the past few days and his body at the very least deigns to keep his gastric acid right where it belongs, thank you very much.
Relenting his death grip on the trash can, Shen Yuan slumps back. His fall is cushioned by a comfy pair of thighs. Usually, he’d raise a ruckus about how that’s inappropriate and how he couldn’t possibly take advantage of Binghe like this but he’s so dizzy, it’s a surprise he’s still conscious. Besides, who in their right mind would refuse the comfort of Luo Binghe! It’s not even a question.
A careful hand slips over his drenched forehead and rests there. There’s disappointed mumbling but it’s lost in between Shen Yuan’s panting.
“A-...Yuan-ge what happened?” a wan voice inquires, “You... I ...”
Well, even Shen Yuan has a hard time grasping the full magnitude of everything that just went wrong.
Shen Yuan is a simple guy. He isn’t too extravagant in his tastes or outlandish in his ambitions, in fact, lately it didn’t even seem as if he had any at all. Generally, there wasn’t much he wanted from life. He’d been sure that were he to die at any given moment, it would be without regrets.
In his ex-last moments, he was a little too preoccupied to wax poetry about his circumstances or to reevaluate his life decisions, though one thing was clear: had he accepted his death in the beginning, it was a tranquillity short-lived, more specifically, one that died a swift and brutal death the moment he'd heard Luo Binghe's first knock.
The idea of someone walking in on a corpse during an otherwise pleasant morning, whether you were strangers or lovers, it would surely traumatise you for life. It’s not even like this was a honourable death! No self-sacrificing, no anything! He choked on rotten noodles!
But all of this was just gibberish that his low on oxygen brain is pumping out. It was too much to expect critical thought in his current state, much less the capability to decipher whatever complicated emotions Luo Binghe was trying to communicate through his stuttering.
Shen Yuan can only muster a low grumble and rearrange his position into something a little more comfortable.
Or, wait no, Luo Binghe is pulling Shen Yuan up and making him rest his head on his shoulder. The arms around him tighten like manacles and there is something warm pooling in Shen Yuan’s eyes.
A thumb comes up to gently wipe something wet away, before Shen Yuan lifts his eye to see a crying Luo Binghe with a strained smile.
Oh, so the tears were only coming from him, not Shen Yuan, haha, yeah....
There have been many instances when Luo Binghe’s seemingly insignificant actions made Shen Yuan’s heart act up for some reason. Luo Binghe crying was one of those instances. Well everybody has heart problems nowadays, don't they? Something about greasy fast food and high cholesterol, too bad so sad.
Wait, why is Luo Binghe crying this time?! Everything is A-OK! Nobody had hurt Binghe, right?!
A quick glance revealed no scratch anywhere on Luo Binghe’s picture perfect face. His gaze always lingers so he’s sure of it! His inky eyes made heart rates rise just as easily as always!
Shen Yuan’s throat is sore from all the coughing, so he can only croak.
“Binghe, what’s wrong, ah don’t cry.”
An exasperated laugh escapes Luo Binghe.
“A-Yuan, how can you say that? I don’t see you for weeks and then the first thing I see is- is how you....”
Ahh little sheep, please calm down! Your stallion counterpart would totally despise the way you’re acting right now!
The warmth radiating off Luo Binghe is making Shen Yuan drowsy. After all, it’s been some time since he has properly slept. For now Luo Binghe will have to settle with a slow patting of his chest, but only because Shen Yuan can’t reach his head from here.
One pat is enough to make Luo Binghe crush Shen Yuan into his own body. And he even has the audacity to whimper! Hello? Whose tear ducts are you bursting with all your squeezing! Now it would be even harder if he were to try and pat his head.
By now Luo Binghe has leaned his head against Shen Yuan's. For a while they just sit there, until Shen Yuan’s breathing returns to normal.
It is quite the comfortable position, he must admit. His eyelids get heavier and heavier by the second, all while the limbs that had come to enclose him formed a firm, but cozy, blanket. Luo Binghe’s future girlfriend will be lucky to have him.
With one last squeeze Luo Binghe whispers,
“I’m so happy you're here..”
Surrounded by warmth and care, a fuzzy feeling spreads in his chest. The trivial worries always eating at Shen Yuan temporarily fade to the background. Other than the ever-present hum of his mini fridge and two steady heartbeats, there is nothing. There is peace.
For once, the tempest in Shen Yuan’s brain has stills.
And just for one moment, Shen Yuan finds it in himself to agree.
“I'm happy too.”