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Tsukishima didn’t know what to think of Sugawara Koushi at first.
He was a third year. He was shorter than Tsukishima—not by much, but enough for him to be a potential object of ridicule. He had grey hair that was premature for his age and soft brown eyes. He had a mole right under his left eye that was a bit hard not to stare at and a smile so bright that it was blinding.
Sugawara was one of those guys who took the volleyball club too seriously—the types of guys Tsukishima despised. He trained unbearably hard even though he wasn’t Karasuno’s official setter. He made sure to practice with everyone and get their input on sets. Sometimes Tsukishima would catch him practicing in the morning, tossing the ball in the air. He’d rope Tsukishima into it, insisting that Tsukishima could use the practice, and Tsukishima knew that he could reject Sugawara at any time with a sarcastic remark, a passive insult, or even just a simple “no.”
But he couldn’t.
Tsukishima couldn’t say anything like that to Sugawara. In fact, whenever he spoke to the third-year, he found his throat felt unusually dry and his knack for snark practically nonexistent. At first, Tsukishima thought it was because Sugawara was his senior and he felt himself compelled to respect his upperclassmen for some reason. However, when he really thought about it, he never really felt the need to hold back his dripping sarcasm with Nishinoya or Tanaka and sometimes he would even get a few snide comments past the captain and Azumane before either of them noticed.
He figured he just hadn’t had the opportunity to roll his eyes at the vice captain. His chance would come eventually and his life would go back to normal and maybe he would stop feeling that warm feeling in his chest whenever Sugawara so much as looked at him.
So Tsukishima convinced himself that it would pass.
“Whenever we play against strong teams, they always aim for me because my block is so low. I figured that would happen this time, too,” Sugawara explained. He flashed Tsukishima one of his signature wide smiles that made Tsukishima’s stomach flutter and his heart stop. “I feel so relieved, being next to someone so tall.”
Tsukishima opened his mouth to reply, but found his words caught in his throat. The feeling of Sugawara’s hand on his shoulder lingered and he found that his own hand had moved up to touch it. Heat rose to his cheeks and he looked away.
“Um, well…” Tsukishima’s eyes flickered from Sugawara and then back to the side. His throat felt dry and his chest began to ache, but in a way that Tsukishima couldn’t really distinguish between ‘good’ and ‘bad’. “Right,” he finally said, feeling foolish and embarrassed.
Tsukishima was starting to get weirded out by the comfort he felt whenever he was in Sugawara’s presence. He then found his heart beat like a drum whenever Sugawara sent praise his way and a strong bitterness whenever someone other than him was at the receiving end. He began to try harder, offering to practice with Sugawara and even with the others. He craved Sugawara’s attention in a way that he recognized as different from how he acted towards his brother when he was a child. It was strange and unfamiliar and, quite frankly, it scared Tsukishima a lot.
Either way, it didn’t take Tsukishima very long to realize that he had developed a rather horrible crush on the grey-haired third year.
However, his emotional turmoil aside, Tsukishima wasn’t too worried that people would find out. He didn’t have very high standards for the perceptiveness of most of the team and everyone had taken his sudden increase in effort as him taking volleyball seriously. He actively tried to make sure he wasn’t clinging to Sugawara like some lovesick schoolboy and he at least made sure to at least never offer Kageyama and Hinata help.
Things continued as normal and Tsukishima felt relief for a while, until Sugawara snuck up behind him during practice and gave him a hard pat on the back. “Nice receive, Tsukishima! I knew I could depend on you!”
Tsukishima feels his face heat up from the tips of his ears. “Thanks,” he said quickly, rubbing his neck as Sugawara positively glowed at him.
He hoped no one would find out—he really did.
Yamaguchi found out almost immediately, damn him.
It happened after Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had left the clubroom after practice. They passed by the gym to see Sugawara still cleaning up, struggling to carry the net to the storeroom all by himself. Tsukishima made the mistake of forgetting he wasn’t by himself and offered to help Sugawara a little too quickly. He didn’t even notice his misstep until he walked out of the gym with Sugawara.
“Thanks, Tsukishima,” Sugawara said, rolling his shoulders as he sighed. “I was getting worried that the net would crush me there—you’re a great help.”
“I-It’s no problem,” Tsukishima stammered, suddenly aware of Yamaguchi’s eyes flickering between him and the vice captain.
“I’ll see you two tomorrow then,” Sugawara said, flashing them a smile before running off to change.
There is a moment of silence as Tsukishima avoided Yamaguchi’s gaze. And although Yamaguchi didn’t normally tease his best friend, they both knew the opportunity was too tempting to resist.
“Nice one, Tsukki.”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
Tsukishima arrived at practice a little too early—even earlier than Hinata and Kageyama. He would normally walk over with Yamaguchi, but he had a habit of leaving Yamaguchi when he felt his freckled friend was taking too long. He supposed it was actually his fault this time for rushing and figured he’d help Yamaguchi with homework or something as an apology later. Either way, Tsukishima had to admit it was kind of strange that he found himself so subconsciously eager to get to school.
Tsukishima sat on the steps in front of the gym, his headphones plugged into his phone. He stared at his feet, kicking the dust around it and before he knew it his eyelids grew heavy, his glasses started sliding down his nose, and his head began to droop.
“Tsukishima?”
He raised his head drowsily, trying to blink away his blurred vision before he realizes that his glass had slid off of his nose. He pushed his glasses back onto his face and stared blankly at the figure standing in front of him before realization hit him like a punch.
Tsukishima tensed up. “Oh, morning, Sugawara-san,” he said as calmly as he could manage.
Sugawara blinked at him. “You’re here early,” he said. “Even earlier than Kageyama and Hinata.”
“I know,” Tsukishima replied, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Is Yamaguchi around?” Sugawara asked, walking over to take a seat on the steps next to him.
“No, I left him behind today,” Tsukishima replied. Sugawara plopped down next to him with a relieved sigh and Tsukishima is suddenly made aware of the fact that there is only about a hand’s length of space between them.
“Hehh, you must’ve been eager for volleyball today, right Tsukishima?” Sugawara teased, elbowing Tsukishima, who felt his face grow warm.
“Not particularly,” Tsukishima said nonchalantly.
“Actually, now that I think about it, you’ve been trying pretty hard during practice, too,” Sugawara said, scratching his chin pensively. He scooted closer to Tsukishima and wiggled his eyebrows at him. “So, what happened there?”
“Nothing really,” Tsukishima said stubbornly, looking away.
“Are you trying to impress someone?” Sugawara insisted, nudging Tsukishima playfully. Normally at this point Tsukishima would have walked away from anyone trying to be too friendly with him, but the fact that it was the grey-haired third year just made things a bit confusing for him. “Is it an upperclassman? Is it a friend?” Sugawara paused for a second before shooting Tsukishima a sly smile that sent chills down his spine. “Oh, I got it—it’s a crush, isn’t it?”
Tsukishima’s heart skipped a beat and his breath stopped in his throat. Tsukishima raked a hand through his blond hair and rubbed his neck. “Something like that,” he muttered. There is a moment of stifling silence as Tsukishima avoided Sugawara’s gaze. Suddenly, Sugawara let out a laugh that made Tsukishima jump back in surprise as he looked at the giggling third year and, although he was surprised out of his wits, he couldn’t help but feel Sugawara’s laughter calm his nerves.
Sugawara nudged Tsukishima with his elbow, giving him a wide smile. “Ah, that must be nice—‘young love,’” the vice captain sighed.
“I-it’s not ‘love’ or anything,” Tsukishima said, slightly taken aback.
“Right, right,” Sugawara said, clearly not believing Tsukishima. “Still though, I didn’t think you’d be the type of guy to admit that so easily—they must be special.”
Tsukishima closed his eyes, leaning back against the steps. He took a deep breath that allowed him to calm down. “Yeah,” he finally murmured as he opened his eyes, letting them flicker over to Sugawara for just a moment. His chest felt tight again and he looked away, straightening his head. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Oooh, Tsukishima, you’re a pretty honest guy, huh?” Sugawara said, smiling in that way that made the corner of his eyes wrinkle. He scratched his chin, putting on a contemplative look. “Hm, I guess I don’t know a lot about you at all.” Sugawara bumped his shoulder against Tsukishima’s. “But I think you’re a pretty fun guy to talk to, actually.”
Tsukishima only hummed in reply, his mind racing and his cheeks dusting pink. “What about you, Sugawara-san?” he asked, avoiding his upperclassman’s eye.
“What about me?”
“Is there anyone you… I don’t know, ‘like,’ I guess?” Tsukishima asked, feeling more and more ridiculous with every word, He turned away, raking a hand through his hair, wishing he had never even asked.
However, instead of being greeted with a real answer, there is just silence. Tsukishima frowned and looked up at Sugawara, who was resting his chin on his knees, a wistful expression on his face.
“I wonder,” Sugawara said so quietly that Tsukishima almost didn’t hear him.
“Oh,” Tsukishima answered simply.
Sugawara only chuckled, turning towards Tsukishima. “Love is a weird thing, isn’t it?”
Tsukishima looked down at his feet. “Yeah.”
“Oh, Suga!”
The captain’s call caught their attention and Tsukishima watched as Sugawara’s expression immediately lit up and he smiled wider than he ever had this morning. Sugawara is by Sawamura’s side in almost an instant and Tsukishima suddenly feels very alone as he watches them laugh together. He felt a pang in his chest as the wish that he was the one making Sugawara smile crossed his mind.
“Tsukishima? You coming to the clubroom with us?” Sawamura called.
“Coming,” Tsukishima answered, rising to his feet. In the distance, he could hear Kageyama and Hinata running towards them and the rest of the club members following suit. Sugawara lagged behind the captain the slightest bit, his hands held together behind his back.
“Um, Sugawara-san,” Tsukishima called again out of impulse. When Sugawara turned to him, tilting his head, Tsukishima felt embarrassed all over again, but he continued nonetheless. “I think you still have a lot to learn about me.”
Sugawara blinked at him for a moment before he grinned again, his eyes wrinkling as he slowed down a bit for Tsukishima to catch up. “Is that so, Tsukishima?” he hummed. “I guess you’ll have to talk to me some more in the future, then!”
“That’s fine with me,” Tsukishima said, looking away, his heart skipping when Sugawara gives him an affectionate slap on the shoulder before running ahead of him again.
Tsukishima let out a heavy sigh when Sugawara was out of earshot, only for Yamaguchi to sneak up from behind him, giving him a curious look.
“Tough luck, huh, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi said sympathetically as they both watched their captain and vice captain walking next to each other.
Tsukishima tore his eyes away, quickening his pace so Yamaguchi couldn’t see his face. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”