Chapter Text
The Morning Star 2.0 was flying through the cosmos at light speed with no particular destination in mind. The crew wasn’t able to give Caitlyn the slip after the Veigar incident, resulting in them having to pay for the candy Malphite stole and the bathysphere they destroyed, cutting their funds in half. Regardless, Malphite still brought a few miniature ships for his collection, Jinx brought more supplies to make her explosives, and Yasuo brought some romance novels and was currently reading one in the ship’s living room while Malphite built a ship and Jinx took a shower.
Yasuo gasped. “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe-”
Yasuo was cut off by the sound of Jinx’s phone vibrating on the table in front of him. He groaned and picked up the phone, the caller ID revealing it to be Caitlyn.
“Oh!” Yasuo answered. “Caitlyn?”
“Yasuo? Where’s Jinx?” Caitlyn asked.
“Shower.”
“Then why is her phone not-” Caitlyn sighed. “Forget it, I’ll call back later.”
“No need.” Yasuo got to his feet and walked over to the intercom system every room in the ship had, allowing anyone to contact the rest of the crew. “Crew of Morning Star, we got a call from Caitlyn Kiramman.” He took his finger off the intercom button and leaned his back against the wall, soon hearing a flurry of footsteps approaching, and a towel-clad and soaking wet Jinx running into the living room barely a second afterward.
“Really?!” Jinx asked, breathing heavily.
Yasuo set Jinx’s phone down on the table, and pressed a button on its screen, causing a hologram of Caitlyn to appear.
“Jinx, good to see you,” Caitlyn greeted with a friendly smile. “Especially after you actually took responsibility and paid for the damages.”
“Yeah…whatever…” Jinx crossed her arms and mumbled some swears under her breath.
“I can tell that stung, so as a little reward I decided to give you the new highest bounty on the list now that Veigar is behind bars.” Caitlyn pressed a button on her wrist band and her bounty list came up, she scrolled through the list tapped the image of a large, catfish-like being. “His name is Tahm Kench, a sadistic bastard if I’ve ever seen one, runs some sort of sick and twisted game show where whoever wins gets riches beyond their wildest dreams, but losers are devoured.”
“Game show?” Yasuo cocked an eyebrow. “As in, he legally airs himself devouring people?”
“He’s in the dark sector, outside of Enforcer reach,” Caitlyn explained. “All sorts of snuff films and the like are filmed out there.”
“I see…”
“Wait!” Jinx raised her hand. “Did you say riches beyond our wildest dreams?!”
“Uh…yes?” Caitlyn didn’t hide her confusion.
“Cait, you are the best!” Jinx pumped her fist in the air. “You’re going to make us rich!”
“Jinx, did you not listen to a word I said?” Caitlyn asked, concerned. “If you lose, you die!”
“Yeah, a real tragedy, but MONEY!”
Caitlyn groaned and ran her hands down her face.
“Do you know how we find this…Tahm Kench?” Yasuo asked.
“I almost don’t want to tell you with her not taking this seriously,” Caitlyn pointed her thumb at Jinx.
“What?!” Jinx shook her head. “No, I’m taking this super serial Cait. I promise!” She got on her knees, clasped her hands together, and gave Caitlyn the best puppy dog eyes. “Please, please, please tell us.”
“Fine.” Caitlyn sighed. “Just promise me you won’t die.”
Jinx motioned a cross over her heart.
“Fortunately, finding Kench will be a lot easier than finding Veigar,” Caitlyn began. “Unfortunately, it’s because he finds you.”
“Spooky.” Jinx made ghost noises to Yasuo, fingers dancing as he rolled his eyes.
“What do you mean?” Yasuo asked, ignoring Jinx.
“I mean, the second your ship enters the atmosphere of planet Bilgewater, you’ll be greeted by an ad to enter Tahm’s show,” Caitlyn answered. “That’ll tell exactly where to find him, but be warned if he realizes your after him, you’ll become the next contestant on his show, and if he wants you on the menu, he’ll rig the game against you.”
“Thanks for the warning,” Yasuo said with a grateful nod.
“Don’t mention it,” Caitlyn said. “Good luck and be careful.”
“I’m always careful!” Jinx waved Caitlyn off, at that moment her towel suddenly wrapped itself from her body and fell to the floor.
“Oh my God.” Yasuo covered his eyes.
Caitlyn’s eyes nearly popped out of her sockets and her face turned crimson. “Okaygottagobye!”
The connection cut off and Caitlyn vanished.
“Uh…oopsie!” Jinx rushed to wrap the towel back around herself.
“Better get dressed, at light speed we’ll be getting to Bilgewater in no time.”
“Got it!” Jinx saluted, causing her towel to fall again. “God damn it!”
Jinx hopped into the captain’s chair and began setting course for Bilgewater.
“Warning: Entering Dark Sector, do you wish to proceed?” The computer asked.
“What the Hell?” Jinx’s face contorted into a look of confusion. “This ship belonged to freakin pirates, why are they scared of the Dark Sector?”
“You know that place is for the lowest of the low,” Yasuo reminded. “It says something that those pirates would rather deal with Enforcers than whatever depraved scum is crawling around the planets of this sector.”
“Well, we have more balls than these pirates then!” Jinx pressed the “Proceed” option and sat back in her chair.
The Morning Star briefly stopped, turned in the direction of Bilgewater, and jumped back into light speed.
“I’m scared, guys,” Malphite said.
“Don’t worry, Big Buy.” Jinx gave him a warm and comforting smile. “As your leader, I won’t let anything happen to either of you.”
Yasuo was proven correct when he said the trip would be fast, as the second Jinx finished her sentence, they arrived at Bilgewater. As the ship entered the atmosphere of the planet, Caitlyn was soon proven correct, as well.
“Welcome, visitor of Bilgewater!” Tahm Kench’appeared on the ship’s holo communicator, a charming, Cajun accent accompanying him. “My name is Tahm Kench.” The obese alien tipped his hat and bowed. “I’d like to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime on…The Tahm Kench Show!”
Jinx scoffed. “Such a lazy title.”
“If you join my show and win, you’ll be rewarded with more wealth and power than you could possibly imagine!” Tahm licked his lips. “If you lose…well…I’ll still serve you.”
“Cute wording,” Jinx snorted.
“All you need to do to join is go to the tallest, most brightest building in Bilgewater,” Tahm explained. “There, you’ll be chosen randomly to be a contestant.”
“Tallest and brightest, eh?” Jinx stroked her chin.
“Kind of hard to miss it,” Yasuo joked as the crew noticed the tall building with Tahm’s smiling face plastered on a neon sign.
“So what exactly is the plan here?’ Yasuo asked.
“Simple!” Jinx beamed. “We get our seats, pull out our shit and take a massive dump on him and his crew!”
“Well…I’ve never heard it described like that before, but I think that could work.”
“Glad my reasoning is starting to resonate.” Jinx gave Yasuo a thumbs up.
Jinx took point as the crew arrived at the building, a bouncer stopped them at the door.
“Names?” The bouncer asked.
“Jinx.” Jinx pointed her thumb to her chest, then motioned to Yasuo and Malphite. “Yasuo and Malphite.”
“Jinx, Yasuo, and Malphite, eh?” The bouncer looked up.
“You sound like you’ve heard of us or something,” Jinx said.
“Simple.” The bouncer smiled. “We have.”
Jinx felt something sharp pierce her neck. She reached for it and pulled a dart from her throat, already feeling the effects as she stumbled back into Yasuo’s arms.
“Jinx!” Yasuo cried, but him having to catch Jinx left him open to get a dart in his neck as well.
“Hey, leave my friends alone!” Malphite moved to attack the bouncer, but the dart pierced his rock hide regardless. “Wha…how?”
“These darts are tipped with the finest metal in the Galaxy.” Tahm Kench walked out from behind the bouncer. “It’s always good to make sure you can deal with someone impervious to gunfire.
“You…” Malphite reached out to Kench, but he fell unconscious before he could reach him.
“What should we do with them, boss?” The Bouncer asked.
“I want Jinx my show,” Tahm answered.
“And the other two?”
“Threw the boys into the street.” Tahm grew a sadistic smirk. “I want them to see as I devour their leader live on television!”
Jinx groaned as bright lights flashed in her face.
“Welcome, one and all, to the Tahm Kench Show!” Tahm’s booming voice echoed in her ears, along with the cheers of a crowd. “I am your host: Tahm Kench!”
Jinx reached her hand into the air, finding something she used to pull herself to her feet, and realized she was on a podium with a buzzer.
“Now, let’s me our two fine young contestants!”
Jinx’s eyes finally adjusted, and she realized she was also on a stage, and a small Yordle girl with a funny wizard outfit was on the podium next to her. The spotlight shined on the Yordle girl.
“Our first contestant is a sweet little thing by the name of Lulu!” Tahm introduced.
“Hey, mom!” Lulu waved at the camera, completely oblivious to the danger.
Jinx looked at the screen in the center of the room, showing off Lulu’s states. She’s 4-years-old and her relationship status was single.
“Next up, we have the infamously destructive bounty hunter, Jinx!” Tahm motioned to Jinx.
Jinx checked her states, and she paled saw it knew her age and the fact she was widowed.
“How do you know that?!” Jinx shouted in rage.
“Glad to be introduced to you, as well!” Tahm ignored. “Let’s not keep the crowd waiting! Let the game…begin.”