Chapter Text
“To Nagoya? For two weeks??” Hiyakawa exclaimed, fingers unconsciously gripping tightly the letter he was reading until his knuckles turned white.
Mikado looked at the man nervously, already expecting such reactions.
“Yeah, I’m sorry this is such short notice, but my Mom only received the call last night and we have to leave the day after tomorrow….at the latest…” Mikado said, handing the ‘Hiyakawa Rihito’ stamp to the blond man, “i-if you agree, please sign it.”
It was a newly customized stamp Mikado insisted the other to have, to make signing official COOLEAN’s documents easier without the risk of the bonding event happening again.
The letter, which was now almost crumpled by Hiyakawa, was his, hastily typed this morning to ask permission for two weeks of unpaid leave.
Even though both of them had agreed that professional paperwork between them is unnecessary, Mikado felt it’d be a better assurance for Hiyakawa. He wouldn’t want to repeat the same mistake of letting Hiyakawa think he was abandoning him or trying to run away.
Not for the job, or their personal relationship.
It hadn’t been that long after the whole fiasco of ‘saving’ the taller man from being trapped inside his own curse. Although they had moved on and gotten closer each day, running the business with newfound enthusiasm, Mikado had now started catching glimpses of uneasiness and insecurities sometimes surfacing from Hiyakawa when he was around Mikado. From his body language when he was inevitably touching Mikado’s body during exorcisms or the way he frequently cut himself off when the two talked about personal matters. It was something that he had never seen coming from the older man before. Hiyakawa had been, for as long as Mikado knew him, always firm and confident in the way he brought himself. Coupled with his struggle in understanding and expressing his own feelings, had successfully concealed his self-hate and trust issues from others. Even from Hanzawa.
Mikado thought perhaps the older man was still figuring things out between them and how he really felt towards him so even though the change was quite annoying, he wasn’t about to rush him.
Hiyakawa stared at the stamp offered by Mikado and put down the letter, “And if I don’t agree?” he said, slowly looking up at Mikado.
The younger man sighed and sat down across him. He already knew it wouldn’t be easy.
“Then just take it as I’m asking you a favor…listen,” Mikado said, “I don’t want to go either but my mom needs my help. Her uncle…that is, my granduncle, was getting worse…he had been bedridden for a long time and his family was asking me to help take care of him, as he’s now refusing to be fussed over by his daughters or any women, that is. The problem is, my mom’s family side doesn’t have many adult males available…”
“But..Nagoya is too far, and two weeks is too long,” Hiyakawa said. Mikado could hear the sulky tone in there and he almost hated himself for thinking that the older man looked like a kicked puppy.
“I know, two weeks is the maximum, if things calm down before that then I’ll come back earlier. I’ll try to do as much work today and tomorrow as possible, but if it’s really exhausting for you to do it alone maybe we can postpone next week’s appointments till I’m back?”
Hiyakawa frowned and looked at him disapprovingly, “but then, I’m going to be in the red?”
‘This guy is impossible,’ Mikado thought sourly.
“You won’t be in the red just for postponing 3 cases! Jeez!” Mikado closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
Having been delegated to manage Hiyakawa’s personal bank account that also served as COOLEAN’s, Mikado totally knew his boss had quite a lot of saving actually. To the point he’d started wondering why the man still chose to live so modestly. That was what running a business with no competitors (and only 1 employee to pay) would bring, he guessed. And the guy just loved money, that was it.
“Look, man, this is just between us so I’ll let it slide, but next time when someone else’s telling you their relatives are on their deathbed…the least you can say is you feel sorry to hear the sad news, even if you don’t really mean it. It’s basic courtesy.” Mikado pointed out.
He had been trying to tone down on lecturing the older man but sometimes Hiyakawa just really called for it.
“Well, then I am sorry to hear the sad news,” he said blandly, “But you don’t make any sense, Mikado-kun, what do you mean by ‘someone else’? It’s not like I have any other employees besides you and I don’t plan to hire another one.”
Mikado pinched the bridge of his nose. It would take forever for Hiyakawa to understand so he’d better save this up for another time.
“Suit yourself then, so back to business,” he shoved the letter and the stamp back to his boss, “will you help me out this one time? Please?”
Hiyakawa glowered back at the letter as if it had offended him, before slowly stamping it.
“You’re really going to come back right away after you finished over there?” asked Hiyakawa, looking forlorn already.
“I promise, this letter is the agreement, so you keep it and you can hold me accountable if I violate it.”
“??? ….Okay...”
“And don’t try anything funny with it!” Mikado threw him a glare just for good measure.
“I try not to,” Hiyakawa said. “But…can I still call and text you while you’re there?”
Mikado was taken aback for a moment.
“S-sure, as long as you don’t ask me to reply to work emails…If I’m not busy I’ll also call you..”
It was a new habit for them, or should he say progress? Their communication outside of work used to be strictly for Hiyakawa asking him to come to the office or discuss a case. Hiyakawa wasn’t the type to talk more than necessary through the calls and he found typing repeatedly a hassle, opting more for direct talk. Yet, nowadays Hiyakawa was much more responsive to his chat and even called him on Sundays when they had neither work nor plan to have meals together, just to ask what he was doing or say that he wanted to hear Mikado’s voice.
Mikado was glad that Hiyakawa finally trusted him enough to open up to him, to talk more about what he felt, what disturbed him, his plans for the future which involved Mikado in every single one of them, and be more interested in the younger man’s life outside of COOLEAN.
Mikado himself had realized and accepted these feelings he had for the other. This urge to always take care of him and make sure he was eating properly. The need to see Hiyakawa whenever the gap between works became longer than a couple of days. The giddiness he felt whenever the older man praised his cooking. The way his heart started thumping uncontrollably and his body heated up whenever Hiyakawa held his hand or touched him.
And ultimately, this overwhelming wish to be the one to make Hiyakawa happy, free from his old sufferings, and feel safe around him.
He had stopped denying the moment he decided to stay with him.
Despite his inexperience when it came to romance, he was shown enough that his feelings were reciprocated.
It was just, whether the other party understood what that entailed was another question.
Mikado turned back to his workspace on the sofa after putting the letter in the drawer. Hiyakawa joined him not long after. The man did nothing and spoke nothing. Only observing him while looming over him. Still looked downtrodden.
Mikado hated that look on him, so he thought it was the perfect moment to bring it up and cheer him a little.
“Um, Hiyakawa-san,” Mikado started, “let’s go back together today and buy groceries on the way?”
“What for?”
“Well, since I won’t be bringing you bentous for a while, I..ugh..figure I- I’ll go to your place today and cook some dishes you can eat for the next few days…and for tonight’s dinner. I don’t want you to pile up on junk food again.”
Hiyakawa’s face instantly lit up, “Really??” He took Mikado’s hands and squeezed them, showing his signature childish glee whenever the topic of Mikado’s cooking came up, “Thank you very much, Mikado-kun~”
“Y-yeah, then…ahem,” Mikado surreptitiously avoided the blinding smile, his own face had started to warm, “Then maybe you can start listing what you want to ea—”
“Is it for free?” Hiyakawa asked innocently.
“Of cour—what??”
“Your food, will it be for free? You know, I don’t mind paying you more since cooking is hard and your food is much tastier than the ones they sell at any souzaiya.”
(A/N : souzaiya (lit. side dish shop) stores that specially sell only side-dishes sometimes bentous, similar to a deli.)
Mikado was stunned speechless. It took a few seconds for Hiyakawa’s words to sink in.
Suddenly there’s an unfamiliar suffocating tightness clutching around his chest. Annoyance crawled under his skin towards his hand that is being held by Hiyakawa. The warmth that he felt a second ago was now gone.
“Mikado-kun?”
“So you…even after all I’ve done till now… coming to your house, cooking for you…and you still think I’m doing this for money?” Mikado breathed, trying hard not to let the frustration in his voice be heard.
Hiyakawa sensed the air around Mikado suddenly changed but couldn’t really place what caused it.
“Um, well, I know you’re probably too polite to ask for it, but I’ve been thinking I’d add it to your year-end bonus, so if you could tell me how much I owe yo—”
Mikado snatched his hand back, “Never mind then.”
“What?”
“If you think I’m making you lunch coz I’m asking for your money, then forget it! I won’t do it again.”
“Why not?”
“Coz I’m not doing it for money! goddammit!”
Hiyakawa flinched, baffled why the younger man suddenly raising his voice at him. He reckoned it was very normal to be paid for any extra work. He knew Mikado was nice to everyone but if he kept doing this, people would start exploiting him. And Hiyakawa wouldn’t want that happening to him.
“Why are you getting upset, Mikado-kun?”
“I’m not upset!”
“You clearly are…did I say something wrong again?” Hiyakawa looked at him worriedly, confusion apparent on his mien. “I wouldn’t know unless you tell me…”
‘This isn’t fair’ Mikado thought. Whenever he saw Hiyakawa giving that expression, the fight would just leave his body instantly. He knew it wasn’t fair to lash out at the older man when it was obvious Hiyakawa still didn’t understand the issue.
Mikado exhaled heavily, attempting to calm himself. “I’m not mad at you, okay? but you’re wrong in thinking I want you to pay me… I’m doing it because I want to. You don’t see me coming to Yamai-san’s house on weekends, helping him with house chores, or having meals together with him, do you? And I’ve worked for him much longer than I’ve worked for you.”
Hiyakawa tilted his head, contemplating what to say next to not upset the younger more, “I suppose you don’t need to…he’s married so his wife is probably doing it—”
“Or Mukae-kun! He lives alone and he’s my friend but I don’t cook for him, do I??”
“….I hope you don’t,” Hiyakawa said, suddenly annoyed thinking of that possibility.
“Right, I don’t…because I don’t want to. Listen, Hiyakawa-san…” Mikado faced him again, making sure the other look him in the eye, “When I said back then I want you to figure things out by yourself that includes why you want me to be with you and why I also wish the same. I promised myself that I’d go by your pace so it’ll defeat the purpose if I’m the one telling you first.”
“All I’m saying is I want you to be honest with yourself, about your concerns and how you feel…what you wanna or don’t wanna do with me...And when you’re ready I hope you could tell me, in your own words. Even if it didn’t align with what I want it wouldn’t matter, we’d still work it out together,” Mikado continued, “you get what I’m trying to say?”
“…I- guess? Yes.”
Mikado wasn’t convinced, but now wasn’t the right time to talk more when it was obvious they weren’t on the same page yet….and he honestly still felt a bit hurt.
“Good. Then leave me alone for now, I still have lots of works to do.” He turned back to the pile of paperwork before him.
He could still sense Hiyakawa’s eyes on him for a while until the taller man stood up and strutted back to his desk.
Soon there was only silence between them, with the buzzing of the heater and the drip-drop of rain hitting the windows as the only sound filling it. Both of them, occupied with the works at hand and lost in their own minds.
~o0o~
Hiyakawa thought the dinner plan was canceled by default yet to his surprise, Mikado still waited for him to go back together. He wanted to ask why the younger was still coming to his house when just earlier he said he wouldn’t cook for him anymore but he was worried it would upset him again so he didn’t.
They walked back in silence, the uncomfortable atmosphere thick and heavy around them.
“So what do you want to eat? I’m just going to prepare simple dishes you can eat for several days ahead.” It was Mikado who broke the stiffness first.
“Whatever you make, I’ll eat it.”
“If I make you veggies you won’t throw them away?”
“Nope.”
They stopped at the grocery store on the way and bought a lot of fresh produce. Then headed to Hiyakawa’s place where Mikado soon began busying himself in the kitchen. They had a late dinner and it was almost midnight by the time Mikado finished storing every dish into the small fridge with complete instructions on how to reheat each of them. Hiyakawa offered him to stay the night as usual but was gently rejected, saying he had to start packing up his luggage.
“I will be busy at the book store tomorrow so I probably can’t come to the office…” said Mikado on the way out.
“I understand.” Hiyakawa followed the smaller man to the door.
“Ah! I almost forgot, Hanzawa-san called you when you were taking a bath, said he wanted to see you tomorrow, so don’t forget to call him back.”
“Alright.”
“Make sure you finish all the vegetable dishes first before the others, otherwise they’ll go bad soon. Remember, you already promised to eat them!”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then…uh…I’ll go home now, I’ll call you once I arrive in Nagoya. Good night, Hiyakawa-sa—”
He was about to open the door when Hiyakawa suddenly gripped his arm, startling him.
“what’s wrong?”
“…..”
The taller man didn’t let him go, yet his eyes were fixed to the floor, averting Mikado’s stare. He opened his mouth but closed it again the next second. Clearly hesitating.
“Hiyakawa-san?” Mikado gently freed his clutched arm and switched to hold Hiyakawa’s hand, “what is it?”
“….Mikado-kun….you’re really not upset at me anymore, right?” There was a slight tremor in his voice.
Mikado sighed, “So that’s what’s been bugging you? No wonder you’re awfully quiet tonight…”
“You’re the one who said you wouldn’t cook for me anymore…earlier…”
“If you still insist on paying me for it then I won’t,” Mikado held the other’s gaze, “But I’m not mad at you. I wouldn’t be here if I were…right?”
Hiyakawa nodded, “Thank you very much for tonight.”
Hiyakawa then interweaved their fingers together and stared at their joined hands without saying anything.
Mikado patiently waited. There must be something he still wanted to say.
“Mikado-kun, I—” His body moved forward and for a second Mikado thought he was about to hug him. But then the taller man stopped abruptly with his free hand hanging around Mikado’s waist. As if changing his mind, he then reached behind him and opened the door before leaning back to give more space for the younger.
“Good night, Mikado-kun, I’ll call you tomorrow.” He released his hand and smiled stiffly at him. Mikado could only nod and proceeded out the door.
He couldn’t deny the slight disappointment he felt just a moment ago.
~o0o~
Mikado Kousuke
Today
Mom and I at the station now
Have you woken up yet?
R U still going to the case today?
06.36
Have a safe trip.
At the office now.
Yes.
08.00
Shud I call Mukae-kun?
He said he cud help so you don’t get too tired
08.01
NO.
08.02
Suit yourself.
I already postponed next week’s appointments
But if u still wanna go, don’t forget to contact them first
I put the details on ur reminder, the ones w/ blue highlight
& don’t forget to read the instructions before u reheat the food
08.03
Ok.
08.05
Btw, how about we go somewhere new when I come back?
There’s a place in Kanagawa I’ve been wanting to visit
08.06
Sound’s good.
We can go on the weekend.
But why so far?
08.07
A change of scenery wud be good for once
Cz I’ve been thinking yesterday and realized
We’ve nvr gone anywhere together that isn’t for work/eating
Also, there’s something important I wanna talk to u about
So I want a place less crowded, is it ok?
08.10
Hiyakawa-san?
08.25
Ok.
10.17
~o0o~
Once they arrived at his granduncle’s house, Mikado immediately got busy. Despite his mom and he being quite estranged from the family all this time, these unfamiliar aunties and uncles were quick to dump all their responsibilities on him. Mikado wasn’t used to taking care of a sick person let alone a bedridden elderly. Even when the home care nurse came, Mikado was still asked to standby. He was tired almost every day and his granduncle’s condition still wasn’t getting any better.
It wasn’t helping that he started to miss Hiyakawa terribly and his mind kept going back to how rocky their last encounter was.
Yet, not only he couldn’t make a long call since his mom was there and no doubt she would certainly question why his boss still ‘bothered’ him on his leave, but also because most of the time he couldn’t even check his smartphone so he frequently missed Hiyakawa’s calls or left him on read for hours until he remembered to reply.
Eight days after he arrived, his granduncle finally passed away. The family asked him to help out until the cremation ritual is finished so he stayed.
On the 10th day, during a brief reprieve from minding the guests and catching up with his group chats, he noticed an unread text from Hanzawa.
Det. Hanzawa
2 days ago
Hey, you back in town yet?
21.05
Today
Hanzawa-san, I’m terribly sorry for the late reply!
Not yet
My granduncle passed away so I’ll stay to take care of some stuff
Is there anything I can help with?
10.01
Ah, my condolences for your loss
Don’t sweat it, I know you’re busy there
10.04
Actually…
I’m sorry for this bad timing
But I’m sorta at my wit’s end now
When do you think you’ll be back?
10.10
‘Huh? that was rare for Hanzawa-san to speak like that’ Mikado thought. Whatever it was, this sounded like grim news already.
Det. Hanzawa
Today
Don’t worry about it!
I’m going back in 3 days
What’s wrong?
Is it about Sensei's case?
10.17
No, sorry I haven’t been updated about that case
It’s Rihito
I can’t get a hold of him these days
When’s the last time you talked to him?
10.21