Chapter Text
Hyunjin trudges behind Jisung, his head hanging as he kicks at rocks in the road with each step. The voices in his head sneer at him.
Jisung is just lying to you. They don’t love you, they want to hurt you. You’re going to go home and they’re going to be in each other’s arms, laughing and enjoying their time without your weight. You’re just hurting yourself by going back. You’re so weak you can’t even leave them to be happy for one night. What right do you have to go back?
He doesn’t really try to push them back, he doesn’t have the energy for that so he lets them run wild as he numbly watches his feet move step after step. He doesn’t know how much time passes before he looks up, startled by the sound of someone running towards them.
“You found him!” Changbin called, skidding to a stop a few yards from them and bending over, hands on his knees, panting for air.
“I did. Karma, right?” Jisung jokes, but quickly realizes his mistake and looks back at a scowling Hyunjin. “I didn’t mean it that way, I swear. I just meant–”
Hyunjin just keeps walking, ignoring whatever explanation Jisung was giving. Somewhere in the rational part of his brain he knew what Jisung meant, it was slightly poetic that he triggered Hyunjin’s little runaway attempt and was also the one to find him. The rest of his brain however just acted as if Jisung had thrown new logs on an already strong fire.
Karma. See. You’re a pain in his ass, he regrets finding you already. Probably wishes he’d missed you and kept going.
“You’re going to have two very angry boyfriends when you get home. Be prepared.” Changbin informs.
“Why are you making me go back if they’re just going to be angry at my presence?” Hyunjin doesn’t entirely mean for his grumble to be heard, but it is.
“Wh-what? Are you fucking dumb? They’re angry that you ran off, not that you’ll be back.” Jisung tries to get Changbin to stop, worried the slightest argument will stop Hyunjin from returning home, but Changbin brushes off his friend’s worried hand as he speaks.
“Sure.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, ignoring the much softer voice in his head that begs him to believe Changbin.
“Damn, you really don’t get it.” Hyunjin is oblivious to how Changbin is recalling his heart-to-heart with Minho on the rooftop. “Poor picked on beta, he can’t feel his mated boyfriends so their love isn’t good enough for him.”
“Good enough for me?!” Hyunjin screams, turning around sharply and making both the boys behind him jump. “Their love is everything to me!”
“Then why did you leave them?” Changbin asks calmly, genuinely.
“Because they deserve to love each other without having to worry about me.”
“So their love for you is less important?”
“No it just–”
“Why is their love not enough for you, Hyunjin?”
“It IS enough!”
“But you think it’s less because of the lack of bond, so clearly their love isn’t enough.” Changbin challenges, his voice raising slightly.
“It… I–”
“Think about that while we walk, and do expect a very emotional omega when we arrive at the house. Just giving you fair warning.” Changbin shrugs and heads down the road he’d just run up, Jisung following.
Hyunjin stands there for a few moments, unable to process what just happened. It’s like Changbin’s words, his no-nonsense phrasing, finally knocked some of the voices down, shaking the confidence of his demons and dumping some water on the fire – but not enough to put out the raging flames. He shakes his head and continues to follow the other two back to the Mayfly homes. He doesn’t notice the way Jisung’s shoulders relax at the sound of his following footsteps.
Why isn’t their love enough? All they’ve done is try to make me comfortable with our relationship. They go out of their way to show me their love.
Exactly. They have to put in extra work. You make them work to love you.
But they’ve never complained.
They felt stuck with you. Guilty for mating with you right there.
I was okay with it though. Am okay with it. I love Felix too.
They wouldn’t be with you if you hadn’t already been there. You weren’t enough for Minho, he had to find the little omega to satisfy his needs.
Felix isn’t- and Minho felt so bad-
Yeah, you make him feel bad.
No, his actions made him feel bad.
Your presence–
“Did you think anything through?” Changbin’s voice breaks into his internal argument.
“Huh?” Hyunjin realizes they’re in sight of the houses now. “Oh… I don’t know.”
“I’m sure it’s not easy. But do try to believe what they say.”
Hyunjin nods, taking a deep breath. He isn’t sure what he did to deserve this alpha’s kindness, but he appreciates the gentle sternness in his voice. Jisung watched the two interact, his eyes wide in amazement. They walk up to the central house and Hyunjin freezes, suddenly terrified, as Jisung opens the front door.
Run. Now. Leave!
He shakes his head.
No.
He takes another deep breath and follows the other two into the house.
“Jisung? You’re back, is he–” Minho’s question cuts off as Hyunjin walks through the door.
“Hyunjin!” Felix screams and leaps off the couch, throwing himself at the beta.
“Hi.” Hyunjin chokes out a second before Felix nearly bowls him over, the force of his tackle hug sending the beta stumbling into the wall. Felix sobs into his shoulder. Hyunjin’s not sure how to feel about this reaction. He’s happy, right? This was exactly the opposite of the scene he had so feared walking into, right?
“You. Fucking. Idiot.” Felix gasps through his sobs, pounding his fists weakly on Hyunjin’s back with each word.
“We’re gonna go run down the others.” Changbin says, and he and Jisung slink quickly out of the house again.
“Why the hell would you do that?! Do you know how scared I was?” Felix continues to sob as Hyunjin holds him, taking every light hit without complaint as tears stream silently from his own eyes.
“I’m sorry.” It isn’t enough. Guilt washes over him like a tidal wave, dousing the flames of doubt at least for the moment. He wants his Loves to be happy more than anything, he’d cut out his own heart to wipe the heartbreak away from Felix’s eyes. And Minho… He looks towards Minho, who has stayed frozen on the couch. “I’m sorry.” He directs it to the alpha this time, hoping against hope that his sincerity can be heard in every syllable, but Minho doesn't respond and Hyunjin can sense the danger in his stillness.
Felix pushes himself out of Hyunjin’s arms and wipes his eyes resolutely as he stanches his crying. He stands straight and looks Hyunjin dead in the eyes for his next statement.
“I don’t know what I have to do to convince you that I love you, but if I have to figure out how to break my bond with Minho to do it, I will.”
“What?! No! No that’s not–” Hyunjin shakes his head before the motion is stilled and his words cut off by Felix’s lips on his for a quick yet deep kiss.
“I love you, Hwang Hyunjin. I love you. Please never scare me like that again.”
“I won’t. I won’t, I promise.”
“I have half a mind to command you to keep that promise.” Minho finally speaks, his voice almost icy but Hyunjin can hear the pain and relief in it.
“You don’t have to.” Hyunjin says resolutely. “But if you think it’s needed, you can..”
“I don’t want to take your free will away for anything, Hyunjin. I just don’t know how to convince you–” His voice cracks and he purses his lips, trying to fight back the tears that spring into his eyes. He looks away in a rare show of weakness and Hyunjin rushes to him, pulling Felix behind him as he takes a seat on the couch.
“I’m sorry, my alpha. I won’t pretend that it’s easy. I’m honestly so scared. I can’t get the voices to shut up. They’re constant, telling me that I’m just an extra, that you’d be happier loving each other without me.”
“I don’t know how to be happy without you, Hyunjin.” Minho whispers as the tears fall slowly down his cheeks. “I wasn’t happy before I met you. I couldn’t feel happiness the last three hours. I know I’m not required by bond to be near you, but my heart requires it and I don’t know how to convince you of that.”
“I don’t know either.” Hyunjin admits. He hugs Minho, nuzzling into the crook of his alpha’s neck. Minho pulls his arm out of Hyunjin’s grasp and wraps it around him, pulling him closer and dropping his face into Hyunjin’s hair as his chest begins to heave.
“I love you.” He whispers into the other’s hair as relief washes over him and the tears he had so carefully held back for Felix’s sake finally spill over completely.
“I love you too.” Hyunjin mutters.
Felix sits next to them, leaning on Minho’s free shoulder. He grabs one of Hyunjin’s hands and squeezes it so tightly that Hyunjin winces, but he doesn’t pull away.
“I’m sorry we didn’t know it was so hard until it was too late.” Felix says softly, the remorse in his voice sending another aching pang through Hyunjin’s heart.
“I’m sorry for not telling you.”
None of them speak or move until the others return, the only sounds in the room being Minho’s crying and the occasional sniffle from Hyunjin or Felix. As they sit there Hyunjin returns to his mantra from earlier.
They love me. They both love me. And I love them. We’re together because we love each other and are meant to be together. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t mated, the bond isn’t needed.
They love me.
He smiles softly in relief as no dispute rises against it. For now, the other voices have lost their strength.