Chapter Text
Cameron laughs at jokes from a distance, he always had until Charlie Dalton, he does again after Charlies left him behind.
Richard spends the day after the play alone, left behind by his friends to tuck himself away in another room so Charlie will finally stop glaring at him like it's his fault. There’s a never used classroom that sat in the attic which became his haven. The only person who cared to ask about it was now gone. The room felt lonelier after he realised this.
It’s days later when he hears the murmurs of Neil Perry’s recovery. Dread doesn’t build in his chest at the revelation, it’s already there. It’s been there since he blamed Mr Keating. He’d written a letter explaining it, well letters, one to each poet. They’d never read them. He didn’t dare give it to them, they’d hate him all the more. He plans a good time to say sorry to Neil. The only person who understood. The rest of the poets are his class, even Charlie, who stays in school after Richard begs Mr Nolan. He convinces himself that he does it for the poets he reminds himself, beyond caring about staying in Helton himself. His Grandparents would understand if his parents didn’t.
“I know why you did it Rich,” Neil replied to his apology, he only calls Cameron ‘Rich’ when he’s sad. Neil brightens under questions about Richard's latest read, an old habit from their elementary years. Richard forgets about the wilting flowers in his chest and the despair that has been pressing against his diaphragm for so long. Though the feelings rush back when Neil’s cubicle opens to the dead poets society sans Mr Keating and Neil.
Richard tries to smile at them, it comes out more like a grimace, Knox who somewhat understands his reasoning smiles back. The smile does to dampen everything else. He grabs a strap from his bag and stands up. “I should go, hope you feel better soon, Neil” Rich hears Neil reply as he gets to the doorway. In his rush he leaves his favourite copy of the Iliad in Neil’s lap.
It’s two weeks after he left the Iliad with Neil before it’s returned. Knox had previously asked Richard to change rooms with him after his downfall, who politely nodded and started packing. He doesn’t have a roommate now, but somehow the book ends up on his bed.
The despair has grown since last month, he’s finally come to terms that he has no friends now. It’s six months until he finishes high school, which feels very short, no matter how bad he feels. It’s an era of his life gone just like that. He’ll be left alone just like before. If he’s tired enough he might laugh hysterically at the revelation in the pitch black woken from haunting dreams.
It takes another month for him to find the strength to tell his parents he doesn’t want to become a lawyer. He gets disowned in turn. Left alone at an all boys boarding school until he can figure out his next move. The only thought he has consciously for the next week is that he’s grateful for his scholarship.
Rich spends the last months of Welton left in a day dream going through the motions fueled by memories of the Dead Poets society and one Charlie Dalton, who sneers at Rich every time he can see him. The only thing he does consciously is call his grandparents and apply for college.
Charlie Dalton haunts his dreams as he finds out. Leaving his heart to do gymnastics in his chest. The worst are the memories that play, these ones are actually real. They remind him of the reality that Charlie Dalton hates him, he always has and always will. But Richard Cameron will love Charlie regardless as he always has.
In his dreams he nods to Charlie in the hallway by their biology classroom. Dream Charlie screams at him then, for ruining everything and for always being a screw up. He sounds oddly reminiscent of Richard's mother.
He graduates without a hitch months later, the veterinary science course set out for him in Australia brings repreve from his thoughts. This dies at his grandparents house in the rural suburbs of New York, where in a fit of emotion he sends each poet including Mr Keating an envelope filled with letters, notes and musings from his months alone. Charlie’s is the fullest but Richard doubts he will actually read it.