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Steve Rogers seemed like a normal guy to most people he encountered. He was quiet and kept to himself, and was seen with his best friends, Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff most of the time. When he was in class, he didn’t talk extensively to other people, just the usual polite exchanges. He sat comfortably in the middle, with average grades. He was majoring in Art, and it was the first thing people picked up on when they saw him. He was always carrying round a sketchbook, and the breast pocket of whatever colour shirt he was wearing contained three carefully sharpened pencils. His t-shirt usually had some paint splatters or ink stains on it, and he wore a plain t-shirt underneath. The skinny jeans he wore emphasise how small and slim he was, and he wore a pair of old Dr Martins. Nobody ever asked about the silver dog tags he wore around his neck every day. It was the always the same. He had a routine, followed meticulously down to the minute, and he liked things to stay the same. Right down to his clothes, with minor variations. He even had a different coloured beanie for every day of the week.
It was because of his apparent normality, that people tended to leave him alone. He’d graciously help people out in class, offering a tip if they were struggling. He helped people feel better if they got a bad grade, and he would smile kindly if you passed him in the street. But people never had long conversations with him, because they didn’t know him well. They didn’t know what he liked, where he was staying, what minor classes he was doing unless he was in theirs. Mostly people didn’t know how to talk to him properly, because he didn’t show much interest in talking to them outside of classes.
Halfway through his freshman year Steve’s friend, Natasha, decided she was going to throw a party. Steve groaned, because he hated parties.
“I hope you realise that I am evacuating the premises that night then, Nat.”
“The hell you are! I’ll chain you to my table leg if I have to, to keep you here.”
Sam, Steve’s roommate, came into the room, laughing. “Nat, I home you’re not planning any sexcapades with poor Steve?”
Natasha feigned shock, and hurt. “Why, Sam? Why would you do this to me? How dare you accuse me of violating Steve!”
Sam raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I never said, or implied anything of that nature. Ew Nat.”
Steve cleared his throat. “Sam, she wants a party.”
His friend’s face lit up. “Oh! When? Steve, do we need to book you a room?” Sam winked at him.
“He is not going anywhere!”
“So that’s where the chains come in,” Sam chuckled, finally understanding. “Gotcha. When are you thinking?”
Natasha shrugged. “Whenever. ‘S long as it’s a Friday.”
Sam looked down at Steve. “When are you busy, Bud?”
“Uh, never.” Steve frowned. “Unfortunately.” He added, when he realised the weight his words bore.
“Excellent” Natasha squawked, clapping her hands. “Next Friday it is!”
Steve groaned and buried his face in his hands on the table.
“Come on, man. Don’t ruin our fun! You can bring a date, if you want.”
Sam got a tired look in return, and he shrugged. “Never seen you with anyone in the time we’ve been living here together.” Natasha glared at him, and Sam’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything more.
Steve stood up from the table and retreated to his room. He went straight to the small, cluttered desk and leafed through piles of sketches until he found the bundle of papers tied together by string that he was looking for. He looked down at them, a fond smile playing on his lips as he sat down at his desk. He untied the string, and felt a pang of longing. The first letter was dated two years ago.
Dear Stevie,
Steve’s eyes skimmed over the familiar handwriting. His heart skipped a beat when he reached the end.
Forever yours,
No matter how many times Steve read the letters, he didn’t stop loving them. They brought him closer to Bucky, never mind how far away he was. Every letter he received took a little bit of weight off his chest, as he knew Bucky was okay. He never ceased worrying about him, though. Kind of hard to forget that your boyfriend might never come back to you when he’s fighting in Afghanistan. A stupid war, too, in Steve’s opinion. But then, anything that kept Steve and Bucky apart was stupid.
Natasha posted on Facebook about the party, and told a few people she knew too. Her parties were few and far between, but they were legendary. Everyone wanted to go to them, but she was picky. She even wrote up a guest list, with forty people on it that she’d let into the house. The rest... Well the doorstep was only big enough for two, so they could get the hell out.
Steve grew increasingly exasperated as his friends were organising things for their party. Occasionally some people in his classes would ask if he was going, and he’d simply shrug and smile, and sometimes he’d explain that there was no way he’d get out of it. He was positively dreading the party, and the night before it he was trying to draw Sam as he ate the pizza they had ordered to take his mind off it. Then the doorbell rang, and Steve nearly jumped out of his skin as he’d been so absorbed in his art. Sam looked at him curiously, before heaving himself off of the couch and moving to answer the door. Steve heard it opening, and Sam greeting the visitor with a wary “Hello?”
He was far enough away that he couldn’t hear the words being spoken by the other person, but Steve knew that voice anywhere. He leapt up and the sketchbook on his lap went flying, and he ran to the door. Sam was in the middle of calling his name when he got there. Steve pushed past him and into the arms of the man at the door.
“Steve, do you wanna explain to me why we have a porn star in our doorway?” Sam asked, looking a bit unsure.
“Oh, uh Sam, this is Bucky. Bucky – this is Sam, my roommate. I wrote about him a few times, I think.”
Bucky grinned at Sam, and took one hand off of Steve’s back to offer it forward. “Pleased to meet you, Sam!” His Brooklyn accent was very similar to Steve’s own.
“You too, man,” Sam nodded in reply. “How d’ya know Steve, then?”
Bucky looked down at Steve and frowned slightly. “You never told him?”
“It, uh, never came up?” Steve’s voice squeaked slightly at the end of his sentence.
“You are a terrible liar.”
Sam coughed and they both looked at him. “What didn’t you tell me, Steve?”
“Um, Bucky’s my boyfriend.”
“You mean all this time,” Sam gestured to them. “You kept this to yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess I did.”
Bucky was smiling in amusement. “Stevie, you’re such a punk.”
“Jerk.” Steve retorted, but he leaned up towards Bucky and planted a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.
Sam rubbed the back of his neck. “So, I guess you do have a date to bring tomorrow then.”
“What’s tomorrow?” Bucky asked, intrigued.
“Nat’s having a party.”
“Oh yes!” He punched the air. “I’ve missed her, and her parties.”
“Does Nat know about you?” Sam wondered aloud. Steve was grinning up at Bucky.
“She is the reason for our relationship,” He told him. “We were so clueless, didn’t even realise that we loved each other until she pointed it out one day three years ago.”
“How could you keep this from me?” Sam clutched his chest and dropped to his knees. “Why did you do this to me?”
Bucky’s chest rumbled under Steve’s head, and Steve chuckled. “Hey, are you coming in?” Steve asked him, and pulled on his hand as he moved further into their apartment. Sam got back up onto his feet and shut the door behind him. “Don’t touch my pizza,” he called after them.
“Its okay, Sam. Bucky doesn’t like Hawaiian.”
“Yeah, I’m a pepperoni kinda guy!”
When Sam came into the same room as Steve and Bucky, he found them curled up in a mess of arms and legs on the armchair. Steve was nuzzled into Bucky’s chest, and both were smiling blissfully. Sam couldn’t help but smile when he saw them: they were just about the cutest couple he’d ever seen. He took his seat back on the sofa and picked up his pizza box, stuffing a slice into his mouth. Steve started laughing at him, before shouting “Pig!”.
“Well at least it isn’t getting cold like yours is!”
“Fine then. Buck, d’ya want some pizza?”
“Sure, darlin’. I’m starving.”
Steve tried to lean over to the coffee table to pick up his own box, but he lost his balance and fell out of Bucky’s lap and onto the floor. Sam started laughing, but was overcome by coughs as he choked on the pizza he was eating. Bucky was sniggering quietly on the chair, one hand held out to help his boyfriend back up. Steve scowled at him, but grabbed the pizza box and climbed back into Bucky’s embrace.
“I hate you,” he muttered.
Bucky beamed at him. “Nah, you love me.”
Steve rolled his eyes, but pressed a chaste kiss on Bucky’s lips. “Yes, I love you.”
Sam couldn’t resist calling over to them. “Get a room, lovebirds!”
“Shut up, Sam,” they replied at the same time, but Steve turned to face him. Sam grinned sardonically at him.
“So, Bucky. Where’ve you been all this time that I’ve never met you before?”
Bucky’s eyes flickered down to Steve who smiled.
“Afghanistan.”
Sam’s grin fell from his face, and was replaced by surprise. “Seriously?” he looked from Steve to Bucky and back again. “You’re in the army?”
“Unfortunately so,” Steve grumbled. Bucky ruffled his hair.
“You’re just jealous because you weren’t allowed to join up.”
“But I worry about you,” He whined.
“Shhhh,” Bucky whispered, and kissed his hair.
“Steve I’m impressed you managed to hide the pining from me,” Sam told him.
Steve shrugged, and Bucky grunted as his shoulder caught his jaw. “Maybe I didn’t. Maybe you just didn’t notice it because it’s all you’ve seen me do. Natasha knows it.”
“I can’t believe she kept this from me, too.”
Steve flushed slightly. “I asked her to. Didn’t really want people to know.”
Bucky squeezed him to his chest. “It’s okay, you know.” He sighed.
“Why?” Sam almost looks hurt by the admission.
“It was always hard for me to come out as gay, because I was bullied a lot at school. Bucky was a lifesaver.”
“Huh. Steve, you know none of us would hurt you here. Well, I wouldn’t. And I’d protect you-”
“Sam, the last person who said that assaulted me.” Steve interrupted harshly. He felt Bucky stiffen, and hold onto him a little tighter.
“Oh, uh... I’m sorry Steve.”
Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek and his breath tickled his ear. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. Bad ex. I just don’t trust many people now.”
“I guess I should feel privileged then, shouldn’t I?”
Bucky smiled and nodded at him. “He trusts you, I know that much. Don’t be offended by him keeping things to himself, he finds it difficult to open up.”
“Hey! I’m right here, asshole.”
“Who said that?” Bucky teased, looking around the room. Steve punched his arm.
“You’re such a jerk.”
Sam smiled, if a little sadly. He looked at the time on his phone and decided it was a good time to call it quits.
“I’m going to bed. Night guys. It was nice meeting you, Bucky.”
“Night Sam,” Steve said, feeling guilty.
“It was nice meeting you too, Sam.” Bucky started to stand up, making Steve slide off his lap. He caught him with one strong arm before he fell to the floor. With his other hand, he picked up his bag, and Steve led him over to his room. Bucky carefully closed the door behind them and set his bag on the floor. He walked over to Steve, who was peeling off his shirt. He helped him ease the shirt over his shoulders then tossed it into a corner. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s middle and pulled him closer so that their bodies were pressed together. Steve was looking up at him with loving eyes and Bucky stared into them for a long time. He pressed their foreheads together, and Steve could feel his breath skimming over his lips. It didn’t take much to tilt his head up and press his lips to his boyfriend’s. Bucky kissed him back, softly at first. Their lips were moving slowly and in sync, but they gradually got more urgent and desperate in their movements as the two men relearned eachothers' mouths. Steve opened his mouth slightly, and Bucky’s tongue slid in, gently invading him. He tasted like pepperoni pizza, and Steve nearly giggled. Bucky’s hips were grinding against his own and Steve moaned quietly, pulling Bucky towards the bed. They both flopped down onto the mattress, and the frame squeaked. Bucky pulled away.
“Really? You have a flatmate, and a squeaky bed. Poor guy.”
Steve rolled his eyes and took Bucky’s face in his hands, bringing his lips back down onto his own. He knotted his fingers in his hair and it was Bucky’s turn to moan. Steve felt Bucky’s hands roaming all over his body, trailing down his stomach to his belt buckle. He was vaguely aware of Bucky undoing it, and sliding the jeans down off his legs, but it didn’t stop him from whimpering when Bucky stopped kissing him again. He sat up and kicked his jeans off, then grabbed the hem of Bucky’s t-shirt and pulled up over his head.
“Not fair, you still have yours on, babe,” Bucky complained, as he worked at his own belt buckle. Steve grinned mischievously, and pulled the soft fabric over his head and tossed it away. Once both of them were down to their boxers, Steve and Bucky were all over each other, kissing desperately on any patch of skin they could get to.
Sam did not get a good night’s sleep that night.
Steve and Bucky left the room at midday the next day. Sam wasn’t in because he had a psychology class to go to, and they counted themselves lucky. Steve didn’t like having to deal with Grumpy Sam in the mornings, especially when he hadn’t got much sleep. Steve tried to feel even a little bit guilty about it, but he couldn’t overcome the joy he was feeling now that he and Bucky had been reunited. He began looking through the cupboards, trying to find something to make for them to eat. Bucky left the kitchen and returned a minute later with last night’s pizza box.
Steve grinned at him, and nodded enthusiastically. He got two glasses out of the cupboard closest to him, and the orange juice out of the fridge.
“As ever, a nutritious breakfast, Mr Rogers.” Bucky mumbled around a mouthful of pizza as he poured himself a glass of juice.
“It was your idea!”
“You didn’t object,” Bucky pointed out.
“How could anyone object to this?”
Bucky grinned at him, and picked up another slice of the cold pizza. They finished the rest of it, and Steve complained about smelling awful, so Bucky suggested a shower.
“Only thing is, we don’t get much hot water.”
“We can share then.”
It turned out that the shower was slightly too small for two people, so it was extremely awkward manoeuvring around each other and trying to get clean. The shower took twice as long as it should have, but that was maybe Steve’s fault because he kept distracting Bucky with kisses.
When they were drying off afterwards, Steve received a text from Natasha telling him to come round at eight. He told Bucky, and he grinned.
“Means I can take you out to dinner before, then.”
Steve felt himself blushing furiously, and Bucky came over to hug him. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed, you know Stevie.”
“’m not cute,” Steve mumbled into Bucky’s shoulder.
“Yes, you are very, very cute.”
Steve shoved him away, and Bucky laughed at him. “Okay, Okay. I get it. You are not cute.”
“Thankyou.”
Bucky took him to a small Chinese restaurant that he said he’d passed on his way to the apartment. It was nice, and Steve ate so much he thought he was going to puke. He told Bucky as much, but received only mock sympathy: “Don’t worry, princess. I’ll hold your hand!”
They had quite a lot of time before the party so they decided to walk, despite the cold January wind. Bucky sheltered him from most of it, and Steve burrowed into him. They were walking through the park towards Natasha’s apartment when Bucky stopped. Steve saw him look up, and copied him. The sky was dark, but full of twinkling dots of light.
“It’s quite something, isn’t it?”
Steve nodded. “It’s beautiful. You don’t get to see them much out here though.”
“It’s not quite what they were in Afghanistan, but still amazing. Every night, I used to look up at the stars and think of you, Stevie.” Bucky turned and looked at Steve. “I missed you so much out there.”
Steve took a step towards him and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. “I missed you more.”
“You wanna bet?” Bucky asked, firing him a cheeky grin. Steve stood up on his tiptoes and captured his mouth in a long slow kiss.
“Okay, you win that,” he mumbled against his lips.
Steve leaned back. “Damn right I did.”
Steve checked his phone for the time, and saw there was a text from Natasha.
Come round whenever, I hope Sam doesn’t have to manhandle you here. X
Don’t worry, I’m on my way over. I’ll be 10 mins J x
Good. X
They walked probably a little too slowly the rest of the way, but Steve’s attention was drawn away by Bucky and by the sky above them. Both of them were beautiful.
When they arrived at Natasha’s apartment, the music was audible from outside. Steve groaned, and Bucky offered him a reassuring smile, taking his hand.
“It’ll be okay, punk. I’m right here with ya.”
He twisted the handle, and was greeted by many faces turning to look at him and Bucky. Many surprised faces. That were rapidly coming closer. Bucky leaned down and pressed a kiss on his hair, and looked up at everyone else in the room, who were talking animatedly to each-other. Steve had no doubt it was about him. A red head of hair was bouncing towards them.
“BUCKY!” She squealed.
“NAAAAAT!” Bucky replied, with equal enthusiasm.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was back, Steve?!” She demanded. He blushed.
“Uh, busy?”
She began cackling and took Bucky’s free hand, pulling them into the middle of the crowd.
“Hey everybody! This here’s Steve, and his boyfriend Bucky. Everybody be friends!”
Steve looked anxiously up at Bucky. “How much do you reckon she’s had to drink?”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “She’s Russian. A lot.”
Natasha was screeching above the volume of the music again. “WHO’S UP FOR SOME DRINKING GAMES?”
There were various sounds of agreement throughout the room, and a few people Steve recognised had come over to join them and Natasha. There was Tony Stark – the genius billionaire kid – and his best friend Bruce Banner, who was the mad scientist figure in Steve’s history class. Sam had turned up and was glaring at Steve and Bucky, and a big blonde guy, Thor, and Natasha’s friend Clint were standing beside them now.
Steve made a point of introducing everyone to Bucky, who smiled and greeted them happily. Tony accused Steve of being a “black sheep” because no one had ever heard of him going to a party, let alone bringing a total god of a boyfriend with him. Thor had made his disapproval clear at that statement, telling them all very loudly that he was the only one entitled to being called a god, given his name. Natasha informed them all, in slurred words, that they were going to play truth or dare. Bucky grunted at that, and murmured in Steve’s ear that he was not drunk enough for this.
Bruce overheard and laughed at him. “Soon will be, buddy. Don’t worry.”
Clint and Sam had disappeared, and now returned with bottles of vodka and other spirits. They were set down on the table, and everyone took a place round the outside. Tony provided an empty beer bottle, and placed it in the middle. Natasha insisted on being the bottle-spinner, and Clint laughed at her insistence, wrapping an arm around her. She scowled, and shook him off.
The first bottle spin landed on Steve, naturally. Natasha hummed.
“Truth or dare?”
“Uhm, truth.” He said, looking at Sam. “Fed up of lying to people.”
Tony clapped his hands excitedly. Natasha looked at him with interest.
“Steve Rogers, did you have sex last night?”
Steve blushed, but nodded.
Sam groaned. “I could’ve told you guys that. Come on.”
Natasha nodded, laughing, and held out a shot for him. Steve looked confused. “What are the rules here?”
“You get it right, you do the dare, whatever it is – you drink. Basically you just have to drink all the time,” Tony informed him.
The red head spun the bottle again. It landed on Bucky this time.
“Bucky Barnes, when was the last time you had sex with a woman?”
Bucky made a strangled sound, and frowned.
“Two and a half years ago. I think you remember that well, Miss Romanoff.”
Everyone’s eyes went to Steve, trying to gage his reaction. He was laughing. “I remember that! Oh Nat he felt so guilty for ages!”
Tony piped up, interested. “Bucky, did you cheat on Steve?”
Steve tried and failed to stifle a laugh. Bucky was blushing.
“It sure as hell felt like that, even though he was watching and insisted on it.”
Natasha winked at him and Sam looked downright horrified. “Guys, I do not want to know about your kinks.”
“Too bad,” Bucky said, wrapping an arm around Steve, who groaned.
Steve didn’t remember much of that night the following morning. He and Bucky were spooning on the floor under a blanket, surrounded by bottles. He patted down his pockets until he found his phone, and saw the hundreds of notifications.
“Shit,” he muttered. He had to squint at the screen, and his head was pounding. There were photos and videos all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, of Steve and Bucky dancing together, kissing, groping each other. “Double shit.”
He had some texts from his mother, too.
Stevie, did you have a good night last night?
Honey I don’t think that dancing is appropriate in public.
Steve, Bucky’s mother has been on the phone with me and I realised we still haven’t had “the talk” that I meant to give you when you were 16
Steve groaned inwardly, cursing his naivety that meant he had his entire family on Facebook. This was exactly why he didn’t go to parties. He leaned over and shook Bucky awake.
“Whaa?”
“Bucky help me, my mother wants to give me The Talk.”
He was answered by hysterical laughter, so he grabbed a cushion off the sofa and whacked him on the head with it, but he was laughing too. Bucky grabbed another cushion and hit him back, and Steve tried to stand up, but he fell over and landed on top of Bucky. He was just about to kiss him, when Clint came crashing into the room, grumbling something about coffee.
“Clint, I am going to kill you.” He looked at Steve in confusion.
“Why?”
“Because there is now evidence that I am a total gay slut all over the internet and I will no longer be able to sail seamlessly through college, thank-you very much.”
“Why did you want to sail seamlessly through college anyway?” Bucky asked him. “It’s more fun this way.” He winked at him, and Steve hit him again with the cushion.
Natasha appeared in the wearing a men’s shirt. Clint was shirtless. Steve joined the dots, and started laughing. “Oh my god! Did you two, you know?”
She smirked at him, and walked over to him, before springing gracefully onto his back. Clint turned his head and kissed her, and Bucky let out a loud whoop aimed at them.
Sam’s head popped up on the other side of the room, from under a pile of jackets and shouted, “Second cutest couple of the year!”
Natasha turned and glared at him, while Clint looked annoyed. “Who’s the cutest?”
“Those two,” Sam informed him, pointing at Steve and Bucky. They grinned at eachother. “That is not an excuse to fuck all night in your squeaky bed, Rogers!”
Steve couldn’t help but laugh at that, and insincerely apologised.
Classes on Monday were a nightmare. Everywhere Steve went, he felt eyes on him, people pointing and talking about him behind his back. Sometimes he would come across people watching the videos, and he’d blush and try to get the hell away from them. It seemed that everyone knew him now, and sometimes he’d pass people and hear the utter words like “Slut” and “Fag”, but he ignored them and kept on walking. Some of them would ask after Bucky, and Steve would politely tell them to keep their hands off his boyfriend – “Fuck off”. Other people were now genuinely interested in what he had to say, but that made everything better was that he had now made friends with the people he’d played truth or dare with at the party. He would get lunch with them sometimes, and he hadn’t realised that some of them were in his classes, so he now had people to sit beside who wouldn’t make conversation.
He couldn’t shake the feeling that he would forever be thought of as That Gay Art Guy by the other students. Though, for some reason, it didn’t bother him. He was happy with his new friends and with Bucky – who’d told him that he was leaving the army for good. They had started looking for apartments together because their sex life wasn’t being kind to Sam, and they’d found a perfect one just around the corner.
Moving out was a nightmare. It took Steve forever to find everything that belonged to him, and once they’d got the keys to the apartment, nothing was unpacked for a week. He mentioned this to Bucky numerous times, but was distracted every time by a breathtaking kiss or, god forbid, being tickled. Either way, they both ended up on the wooden panelled floor noses touching. Every time, Bucky would kiss him gently, once more, and murmur in his ear.
“I love you, Stevie.”
Steve would smile shyly at him, and kiss him again, before looking at him contently. “I love you too, Buck.”
“Til the end of the line, Punk.”
“That’s my line. Jerk!”