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They’re lying together on Pepa’s bed, Pepa’s head on Félix’s stomach as she’s lying down horizontally, her legs are outside of her bed and she kicks the air in an angry motion as the cloud above her head keeps thundering as it drenches the two of them. She’s complaining, and Félix has taken one of her hands in his own while trying to ease her mind.
All Pepa needed right now was simply to complain , and Félix was simply lying there beside her, carefully listening as he made sure his girlfriend gets some time to vent. Pepa knew that Félix knew that she barely had any time for that throughout the days. She did her best to let it all out, without going overboard. Some thundering in her room was fine, her mother wouldn’t complain unless the storm spread across the Encanto and became an inconvenience for everyone else. As long as she was the only one affected, she didn’t seem to care.
“And then mamá was like, Pepa do this, Pepa do that. No Pepa, that’s not the proper way to act, no Pepa, no Pepa. Pepa, stop. Pepa, there’s a cloud, control your emotions Pepa, do that Pepa, don’t do that Pepa, stop chewing on your braid, act normally like a proper young lady, Pepa and I’m so tired of it all that I want to scream,” she begins as her free hand punches the side of her bed, making a loud sound as her fist meets wood. It hurts. She groans and thunder echoes mere seconds after. “I’m so tired of it all. I’m never good enough and all she wants me to do is to be some sort of emotionless doll in order to not annoy anyone else. I can’t express myself, and I’m punished for all emotions I have that aren’t there to benefit anyone else. I didn’t choose this to be my gift, it just is.”
Her emotions are a blur, like a fierce whirlwind and all she wants to do is to climb onto the roof of Casita and scream and shout, to empty all of her bottled up rage and sorrow and let the town deal with it as best as they could without her help. For once they could simply rely on themselves instead of taking the Madrigals for granted, that would show them. She wanted to let out a hurricane, to just not care anymore, but she knew she couldn’t. She never could, her mother had drilled that thought into her head from a young age, even before she had gotten her gift.
Pepa needed to act like a proper girl and control her emotions and stop with her weird, unusual antics. But she couldn’t, trying to control her emotions felt like being suffocated, and purposly trying to stop herself from doing things that felt so naturally and happy to her was like torture, like she was cutting off a part of herself. It was like a scratch she couldn’t itch that never went away. To her, it was physically painful to not do those things. She needed to run her hands through or bite her braid, she needed to spin around and feel all the soft textures of her dresses, suppressing that made her feel incomplete, but that was something she knew her mother would never get. Not like Félix did. He got that she was a human too and that she experienced emotions just like anyone else, and he never cared about her strange quirks or the way her mind seemed to work differently to that of him, and always made sure to remind her that all of that made her special and unique. He never complained, and she was grateful for that.
He never forced her to try to make the skies clear.
He was the first one that had never complained about her, not even once.
“Mi vida, have you tried to talk to her?” Félix asks. “I hate seeing you upset about her so often, you don’t deserve it.”
She lets out an ironic laugh as she hits the empty air with her free hand.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried that, mi amor? I’ve tried that ever since I was a baby and it has never worked. I’ve never been good enough for her. I’ve never been like her perfect little baby Julieta who has never done anything wrong in her life . I always hear that Julieta is perfect and that I need to be like her since she’s the perfect influence and I’m not. I hate it! I love my sister so much, Julieta is my best friend, we do everything together, share all secrets, she helps me sneak you up into my room and the secret stays with us, but I hate that mamá gives her all of the love when she only complains and sees fault in me and Bruno. It’s because of our gifts, I know it. Julieta is useful, I’m not. I just want to be loved for me, and not as someone she wants me to be that I’m not.”
The rain becomes worse, the previous sprinkle now being what could almost be described as a mini hurricane as the tiny cloud above her head is rumbling. Her face is drenched by the cold water which ruined her makeup and hair a long time ago, and she knows Félix must be suffering just as much. But he never complains, he never does. He simply stays there quietly to show his support, listening to her and never interrupts. Her feelings and thoughts matter to him.
She loves him so much because of it .
Such a simple gesture as listening and not cutting her off is something she has never had the luxury of experiencing before him. Félix’s grip on her hand tightens slightly, and she hears him whisper “mi vida” in a sad tone, like he’s grieving for her. With her.
“I hate to see you like this Pepa, I hate that you have all of this pressure put on you, it’s not fair. No one is supposed to be perfect and you shouldn’t be an exception, you shouldn’t need to have to take the blunt of anything just because your mother can’t understand you. Yes, emotions are important to express, but I hate how you’re always sad because of her. Sadness is natural, yes, anger is natural, and everyone should experience them, but it should happen naturally and by chance, not constantly as someone purposely does something to make you feel bad. You deserve to be happy too, and when you’re happy with clear skies it should be because you’re simply happy , and not because someone is telling you that you need to be happy for everyone else’s sake.”
The tears stream down her face as she gets up and turns around just to throw herself into Félix’s arms as a sobbing mess. She buries her face into his already soaked shirt, and lets it all out. Thunder, rain, snow, lightning lighting up the room for a few stray seconds. The bed almost flies away by the pure force of the wind as all the emotions she has felt for the past week metaphorically punches her in the face. She screams and bawls, everything in her shuts off as she can’t register touch or noises, only a high pitched ringing in her ears. She’s pretty sure she punched the bed, because a pain spreads through her fist as the ringing gets worse and everything spins.
Pepa has no idea about how long she was out of it, how long her emotions went haywire. It could have been a minute or an hour, it was all a very uncomfortable blur, but as she finally lands again, finally able to register thoughts and sensations with her senses, the first thing she notices is Félix’s warm embrace around her frail, tired body. He looks exhausted but determined, and he never let go, not when she was at her most vulnerable and needed him more than ever.
He never left her, no matter what. He could never let her go to struggle through these emotions by herself. He would always be there for her, through everything .
She’s still crying, and as she pulls back she sees that Félix’s shirt is ruined, black mascara stains smudged against the yellow fabric. Great, she probably looks hideous. She points at his shirt before blurting out a quick “I’m sorry” which Félix immediately dismisses.
“It’s just a shirt, Pepi, no need to apologize.”
“But it’s your favorite.”
“I can just wash it, it’s a shirt. Being close to you when you need it is more important than a stupid shirt, don’t you think? I love you.”
She buries her face into his shoulder once more as she embraces him gratefully. She loves him so much, and she still wonders how she had been blessed with such a kind and caring lover as Félix. He was her treasure and she hoped she would never lose him. When everything felt overwhelming, he was always there to help her through it.
They spent the rest of the day in bed, Félix letting Pepa vent her frustration as he reassured her how important she was to him, reminding her of her worth. He was kind and patient, and by the time they fell asleep next to each other, Pepa felt safe knowing that she would eventually wake up to him by her side.