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It was no secret at the base that Pyro loved glitter. In fact, it was more than obvious with the copious amounts of glitter in places that it shouldn’t be in. Courtesy of both an artistic Pyro and the malicious prankster that was Scout. Spy certainly had enough examples to give out on the latter, if his currently glitterized car was anything to go by. The other mercs weren’t very concerned with it, only mildly annoyed at times. In fact, Medic in particular hadn’t even realized there was a whole stockpile of industrial sized bins of glitter until Engineer mentioned it offhandedly during a work session.
It hadn’t surprised the man, just made him curious where their silent coworker had managed to procure such a sizeable collection. For it was sometimes all too hard to even get basic supplies on sight. Though even that mystery had proven to be a fleeting thought, the information not important enough to stick by until it was forcibly seared into the former Doctor’s mind.
“Archimedes? Where have you gone?” Medic lifts a paper off his desk, as if Archimedes could’ve possibly even hidden under it. He was more than a little concerned by now. Archimedes hadn’t shown up for food and while that had happened before, his little feathered companion hadn’t even shown up for the dissection today. That had been where Medic drew the line, Archimedes would never miss a chance to longingly gaze at a piece of flesh or tear into it someway.
Medic looks out past the double doors of his infirmary with a visible frown. Had Archimedes gone exploring again? That certainly never seemed to end well. But he’d already checked all over the infirmary one too many times and counted the rest of his doves while he was at it with no Archimedes in sight.
He gives his doves a last glance at the doorway, “Do tell me if that troublemaker returns.”
The doors swing back in place and Medic glances all around him as he walks, looking for any suspicious white splotches. Not too far in he spots one of the more open spaces that had been reworked into a living room. It’s a bit of a mess, as it usually was.
However, a new addition in the form of a half finished canvas was leaning against the table on the floor. The drawing on it looked something like a children's book would have, with rainbows and grassy meadows covering the background. In the front there was many characters that Medic couldn’t figure if they represented someone or if they were people Pyro created for this art. It’s hard to tell with all the glitter smacked on top. In fact, the large glitter container was sitting right next to the drawing with the cap on the ground. Medic had to admit, it was a lot of glitter. The plastic container went up to his knees and covered his width.
He stares at the rainbow colored glitter for a moment longer, his brain near stopping when a white figure pops out from the mass of glitter. He stares into the beady eyes of his companion a bit longer before the horror dawns on him.
“Archimedes, no! ” He scrambles to the container, ready to pull the dove out of there. But Archimedes is faster than him and dives right back in, the whole of him disappearing. Medic curses incoherently in German, pulling his gloves on with a loud snap, as he had no intention of covering himself in glitter as well. He plunges his hands into the box, feeling around to see where the feathered bastard had disappeared to.
Meanwhile, Pyro stares with a tilted head as Medic scrounges around his glitter, spilling it on the floor a little. Demoman and Scout join in a few seconds later, both too confused to interrupt the frantic and by now riled up medic.
“When I find you, you little—“ he shouts before pausing, hand clasping around something soft. He maneuvers his other hand so he’s holding the guilty bird securely but not tightly in both hands. With this he pulls up Archimedes to his eye level, expression mirroring a copious amount of disappointment.
“ Mein Gott!! You’ve made yourself into a cheap disco ball!” Medic assesses, staring at Archimedes who is absolutely coated in glitter, shining every color under the sun.
Scout snorts, only to pipe down when he receives a malicious glare.
Medic makes briskly back for his infirmary, a protesting Archimedes in hand. Once back inside the Medic’s sanctuary, he sets down Archimedes on one of the pedestals in his cage while wincing at the amount of glitter falling off him.
“Now you listen here, I’m going to be very nice to you and not wash you immediately because I am aware you hate being washed. However, you better clean or preen yourself—or whatever it is in English, in a few days.” Medic points at his bird assertively, “I will not have you glitter up my infirmary.”
Archimedes shakes himself, puffing out glitter everywhere and Medic crosses his arms with an exasperated sigh.
The infirmary doors open again and Medic rounds to turn his sour face towards the newcomer.
“Is Doctor alright? Heard angry German earlier.” Heavy asks, noting immediately that Medic still looked angry.
“ Nein! ” Medic throws up his hands dramatically and then with wide hand movements gestures towards Archimedes, “Look at what’s happened!”
Heavy does a double take as Archimedes catches the light badly and blinds him for a moment. He’s at a bit loss for words, but luckily it looks as if Medic has plenty to share.
“This is ridiculous, I can barely look at him and he keeps tracking glitter everywhere. Look! Look!!” Medic points at the ground where glitter specks shine.
Heavy only manages to calm down his doctor after fifteen minutes of listening to his rants and ten or so minutes of offering small physical comforts.
—
Archimedes spends all of one day sulking in his cage, preening his feathers with a halfhearted effort at best. Which ends up with Archimedes losing a noticeable amount of glitter, but he still continues to trek it everywhere he goes in the cage, much to Medic’s dismay. Still, the clever little bird manages to garner his freedom with well placed sad looks and a few bird cuddles.
He’s especially happy for his freedom when the next day Medic calls in Heavy for a checkup on his über’d heart transplant. It’s a rather simple procedure, well, only because Medic didn’t have any ulterior objectives this time. He simply prodded around little, chatting up with his patient when the fancy hit him.
“As much as I’d love to finish telling what happened with the last sentient femur I met, I do need to finish this part.” Medic heads over to his table of apparatus, thinking very hard if he should take a piece for later dissection, or simply finish up. He notes the time and with a shrug decides to finish working on another project he had first before starting another.
“Well, time to--” He pauses, staring at the now quite shiny inside of Heavy’s torso. His lungs in particular look like a bad parody. Medic wipes his eyes to make sure he’s not hallucinating from a lack of sleep. When the same sight is still there, realization dawns on him and he haphazardly gestures with his scalpel, cutting a few things. Nothing too important probably.
“Archimedes, raus! ”
The bird gracefully plops out from behind Heavy’s liver and flies out, now glittery and bloody. Medic grumbles something silently, seething and feeling beyond stupid. He should’ve remembered that Archimedes had this tendency, but of course in his haste to experiment he’d totally forgotten.
“Uh, Doctor? Something is wrong?” Heavy betrays a few notes of nervousness.
The Medic turns to him with a bitter smile, “Well, the good news is that your personality now shines from inside you quite literally, hah!”
“Oh but don’t worry, it’s perfectly fine.” Internally Medic ignores all the possible risks of having your organs caked in glitter.
Heavy nods hesitantly and watches as Medic turns over to close him up with the Medigun, “There we go, all done. Do be sure to visit if something weird happens .”
Medic has already started up writing something else on another table by the time Heavy gets up from the operating table. So he takes his leave, pondering over Medic’s use of the word ‘shine’ and it’s possible meanings in this context.
When Heavy has left, Medic glances up from his notes and glares at his dove, steeling himself for tomorrow’s battle.
--
Early next morning Spy watches passively as Medic knocks on Heavy’s door, shifting awfully much.
“Doctor?” Heavy asks after answering the door.
“ Ja , I’m actually in need of your assistance.” Medic replies too quickly.
“Is experiment?” Heavy asks with a self conscious hand on his chest.
“Ah, nein, nein, it’s with something else actually.” Medic clarifies just as quickly, giving him an oddly sheepish look.
Heavy nods in acknowledgment and so Medic urges him to follow. They walk in silence back to Medic’s infirmary. Everything is the same except for a big bucket in the center of the operating table, and from a closer distance Heavy spots water in it.
“I’m afraid I need help retiring Archimedes’ disco ball career, it’s simply too unmanageable.” Medic says, kicking some glitter on the floor pointedly before bringing Archimedes’ cage over, “But washing him is near impossible on my own. I learnt that the hard way a long time ago.”
Heavy waits as Medic gestures vaguely to Archimedes, thinking, “What I need from you is to hold him over the water gently. So that I can wash him.”
“This Heavy can do.”
Medic scoops Archimedes out of his cage, despite his squawking and demonstrates how he wants the bird held. Heavy pays close attention, knowing his doctor would be very mad if something went wrong. After the instructions, Medic hands out Archimedes over to Heavy, watching to see if anything would go wrong. It’s only here, holding Archimedes with the medic letting out a pleased hum, that Heavy realizes just how much trust he’s earned from Medic. To simply be able to handle his special feathered companion like this.
“Now let’s get started shall we?” Medic gestures for Archimedes to be lowered closer to the water. Then he starts scooping water on top of his dove’s wings, gently swiping glitter off of them. He continues to repeat this process, mindful to not get close to Archimedes’ beak, lest he get nipped by the very angry bird. He goes wing at a time pridefully noting the lack of sparkles on them anymore. Scrubbing the torso took some more coordination with Heavy, but ended up being a bit simpler to actually clean.
The whole ordeal managed to stretch into 30 long minutes and by the time Heavy actually sets down Archimedes, Medic feels ready to go straight back to sleep. It was too early to be dealing with this.
Archimedes violently shakes himself to rid himself of the excess water. The poor thing looked like a slightly downed rat in a very bad mood, in fact Archimedes refused to even look at Medic. Opting to walk to the far corner of the table, unable to fly, and face away in protest. Medic considers trying to console Archimedes, but he figures his dove would come around.
“I think I need a break.” Medic groans dramatically.
“I agree.” Heavy responds, making his way to the haphazardly placed couch. Once seated on the creaky cushions, he pats the spot next to him. Medic wastes no time flopping onto the spot, slanting heavily against Heavy. They say nothing, Medic rubbing his eyes when he feels himself getting too tired.
“Glitter on little bird.” Heavy starts skeptically, “Is in Heavy now?”
“Vha?” Medic asks with a daze.
“Doctor.” Heavy says sternly, as if as a question.
Medic processes the question more and then brushes his hair from his face, “Aheh, well, you see…”
Medic scrambles for anything to assuage his companion, “There was some, but in my expert medical opinion—it will pose no issue. Why you shouldn’t even notice it!”
Heavy’s skepticism grows and Medic responds to it the same as usual, with too much bravado and far too little common sense.
He pats Heavy on the back, “Come now friend, don’t be such a baby.”