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Vi lay rigid, staring at a slight hole in the canopy encasing Caitlyn's bed.
Caitlyn's slow, easy breathing warmed her neck, their arms entangled.
Vi resigned herself to another sleepless night, the bed was the softest thing she'd ever laid on, and Caitlyn's skin, currently draped across her midsection, was even softer. But it didn't make a difference.
The voice that always seemed to intrude made it's presence felt in the back of her mind.
"What are you doing here? You don't belong here. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve her."
If Vi could punch her brain in the face she would. Guilt, shame and doubt made for a powerful cocktail her brain insisted on feeding her whenever she dared to allow herself a moment's peace.
Caitlyn stirred, and a groggy voice caused Vi to briefly snap out of her current despair.
"You're thinking too loud, it's keeping me up." Caitlyn muttered through a soft smile, eyes struggling to stay open.
"Sorry, go back to sleep, it's still late." Vi replied, barely looking in her direction.
Caitlyn reached over slowly and stroked the side of Vi's face, trying to draw her attention fully.
"What's going on in that pretty head?" she asked innocently.
"Why do you always say things like that?" Vi muttered before she could stop herself.
"Like what?"
"You always say the sweetest things to me, even when you think I'm sleeping." Vi couldn't help herself as the misery poured out of her.
Caitlyn sat up, becoming aware she didn't want to have this conversation while half asleep.
"Well, it might come as a shock to you Vi, but I care about you." she looked down into Vi's eyes, somewhere between frustrated and determined. This wasn't the first time she sensed Vi's trepidation at whatever this was becoming between them.
"But why?" Vi asked, incredibly aware of how petulant and childish she must sound.
"You saved my life, for starters."
"And you saved mine like a hundred times, it still doesn't make sense to me." Vi bolted up, fully committed to this conversation, the voice in her head hovering dangerously near the self destruct button she had found her self pushing throughout her life. "You want me to stay in your house, in your bed. There's probably a line of thousands that could be here instead of me, but here I am."
"No one is forcing you to be here Vi, you're free to leave. But I don't think that's what's going on right now. I think you're afraid." Caitlyn accused as softly as she could.
"Afraid of what?"
"Of this... of us" she gestured at the small space between them, eyes fixed on Vi's the whole time.
Vi couldn't help but let the cocktail bubbling inside her spill out.
"Of course I'm afraid! I've never been in love before! You're so beautiful, and smart and strong. I don't know what to do with any of that. I don't know the first thing about romance, about being someone's girlfriend. I don't have any money, I can't buy you the pretty things you deserve or take you to nice restaurants. The only thing I'm good at is hurting people, I've destroyed everything I've ever cared about. I'm like a hurricane just blowing through people's lives and leaving rubble behind." Vi panted slightly, catching her breath, eyes clenched shut. She slowly opened them and shot Caitlyn a tentative look and was caught off guard by the small smile growing.
"You're in love with me?" Caitlyn half asked, half stated.
"What?... I.. uh yeah but... That's not the point! Did you ignore everything I said after that?" Vi could feel her face getting hotter as the blush crawled up her neck. Caitlyn scooted a little closer.
"Yes, quite frankly, because none of it matters. Because you're in love with me. And, brace yourself, I'm in love with you."
"Why? Why me? Why do I deserve your love?" Vi choked back the tears she could feel welling up.
"Because you're beautiful. And smart, smarter than you give yourself credit for. And the strongest person I've ever met, and I don't mean just physically."
Vi wanted to roll her eyes at her own words used against her but the tender conviction in Caitlyn's eyes stopped her.
"You care so much. You love so fiercely. You are uncompromisingly you. And that's all I've ever needed you to be." Caitlyn finished, resting her hands on Vi's, currently balled into fists in her lap.
Vi tensed at Caitlyn's words and choked down another sob.
"I know you don't like compliments, or don't think you deserve them. But I'm going to keep saying them until you believe them. Until you believe that you deserve happiness. That you deserve to be loved."
"I... There's no one left for me to fight. I don't have to run any more but I still can't keep still. I... I don't know how to be happy." Vi sobbed, unable to stop the tears from cascading down her cheeks. Caitlyn moved in an wrapped her arms tightly around Vi as the emotions shook through her body. She waited until the tears had slowed and Vi's breathing had steadied.
"I know you're afraid of what might happen. But I don't want you to be. I'm willingly giving you my heart because I trust you to take care of it. And I want you to give me yours, and I promise I won't break it."
The words are soft, barely above a whisper. But they connect with Vi's chest like a sledgehammer.
She leans up and catches Caitlyn's lips in a slow, gentle embrace.