Archive of Our Own ^beta

Boss, Moriarty, Jim.

I don’t know why you did it. I didn’t understand half of the things you did. But then, you’re quite a bit smarter than me. I could listen to you talks about numbers for hours.. You were actually insane, weren’t you? Almost everyone who came into contact with you thought you were. I thought you were brilliant.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s not like you’re actually going to read it. Not like you can. Some weird form of therapy, I guess. It’s not like I can talk to anyone. You were the only one I had. That would make for an interesting therapy session though, wouldn’t it? ‘I need someone to talk to about the fact that my homicidal boss and sometimes lover fuck buddy ate his gun in order to force another genius to chuck himself off of a building’.

I wish I knew why you did it, Jim. He wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth losing you. You were so much better than him, so much more. And now it turns out that it was all for nothing. Sherlock fucking Holmes isn’t even dead. He isn’t dead and you are and it isn’t fucking right. I’m going to fix it. I’ll swear it, I will. If you have to be dead then so does he. I’ll carve your name into a bullet and lodge it in his brain for you. I’ll hunt him down and tear him to pieces until he begs me to kill him. I’ll make him pay for everything he did to you, what he made you do, what it did to me. I’ll shred him with my bare hands, I won’t stop until I’m covered in his blood and he’s on the floor, gasping out his last breath. One way or another, I will kill him for you, Jim.

Don’t know what I’ll do after that.

Don’t really know what’s left now that you’re not here.

I’m lost without you here

I fucking hate you for leaving me

You’re a git.

That part’s true. Pretty sure that’s the last thing I ever said to you. It’s not great as far as last words between lovers friends boss and employee go, but it’s fitting, don’t you think? I always called you that. My own way of showing affection, I think. Especially after the first time I called you that. The look on your face at someone actually standing up to you…

I liked doing things that surprised you.

I don’t know how to end a letter. Who the fuck even writes letters anymore? Fuck it, I just – this is all I have to say, I think.

Love, Sincerely, Regards
Goodbye, Jim

-SM

P.S.

I think that
I didn’t say
Fucking hell
I never told you, but I was falling in love with you
You’d probably laugh at me if I ever said it.

--

Jim carefully folds up the well-worn letter and slips it into his pocket. It’s been three years since he found it and three years since he’s seen London. He thinks it may be time to be getting back.