Work Text:
Kakuzu let Hidan and Kisame fight over the honor of opening the front door of the ‘cozy estate’ that his economics professor called home while she was teaching at the university. It had been his goal since attending university to get taken under the wing of one it’s more accomplished professors in the hopes of fostering connections he would need once he graduated. Which for him felt like it was around the corner, and for his roommates seemed to be far beyond their reach. As he looked up at the wide, dark brown door and watched as Hidan, the unlucky victor, thrust the key ceremonially into the lock with a pleased smirk, he started to reconsider his approach.
“You know we actually deserve this experience.” Itachi insisted as he struggled to hold up the bags that had been thrust into his arms right before Kisame and Hidan fought for the key. “All of our tuition goes straight into this woman’s pocket. So in a way, we paid for this house.” He gestured to it with his arms spread out.
Kisame moved to help Itachi with the bags “Shoot she must be doing something else on the side to afford all of this! You think she has a sugar momma too?”
Kakuzu rolled his eyes at the slight jab “She is not paying me for company.” He hissed with his annoyance clear as day. His eye flicked over to the small, discrete doorbell that had a faint light blink every few seconds and ushered the others in with a shooing gesture. “She can see us from the porch if she wants. Hurry up and get inside.”
Hidan tutted from where he stood and rolled his shoulder “Aww c’mon I’m trying to enjoy the moment. Ya know, practice for when I have a house this big.” Still, he turned the key without much effort and opened the door to the professor's home.
The inside wasn’t as extravagant as the outside would have led them to believe with all the decorations. Kakuzu supposed the more money a person had they tended not to overcompensate. Hidan would assume that she was boring. Itachi simply felt it was a nice home.
The only one who didn’t have much of an opinion on the decor was Kisame who blinked his eyes a few times as if he was trying to get something out of his eye. Not that the others noticed much.
Without much word they all went to explore the house with Kakuzu’s stern warning “If anything is out of place I don’t doubt she’ll call the police.” He had spent a lot of time with his professor and knew she was not hesitant to bring in the authorities in a given situation.
They all had agreed they would probably sleep in a common area like a living room to hide their presence in the home. She had told Kakuzu he could do what he wanted with a promise that he would look after everything and ensure all was in order on her return. Kakuzu had been surprised by her trust, and the small part of him that wasn’t only in this for her letter of recommendation down the line felt a little touched.
It was a rather small part of him though.
They weren’t in the house long when they heard the ring of a door bell. Kakuzu felt his heart drop and walked quickly to the door as he tried coming up with an excuse on why he brought three uninvited guests into his professor’s home. “Oh fuck!” Kisame swore under his breath.
The other three scrambled to hide in the meantime with Itachi jumping behind a couch, Hidan running into a room and Kisame disappearing out the back door.
Kakuzu opened the door to see one of his classmates, Kabuto, blinking at him in surprise with three excitable huskies on their leashes. “Oh well isn’t this a small world.” The bespectacled man smiled pleasantly as ever in greeting. Kakuzu, from the relief he felt, smiled back at Kabuto “It is indeed. It looks like part of getting to know Professor Tsunade is doing her dirty work while she is away.” He gestured to the dogs who were clearly happy to see Kakuzu.
Professor Tsunade was a bit of a spectacle on campus with her three, surprisingly well behaved huskies who only started getting vocal when the professor herself was riled up. Kakuzu does remember hearing her talk about hiring an official dog walker during one of their office hour discussions but hadn’t known she hired on his classmates.
The fifth year student shrugged with agreement and scratched the back of his head “We really shouldn’t be too surprised at this point. She practically relies on her TAs to get most course work done these days. I’m guessing you're the one she entrusted to watch house over the weekend?” Kakuzu gave a small nod “Sounds good, then I will pass these little guys over to you. They really seem to like you don’t they?”
Kakuzu thought of the many treats he had slipped the dogs when he was sure no one was looking in an attempt to get closer to the professor, He simply nodded again “Dogs have a good sense of people.” He praised himself without much flare. Kabuto chuckled at that and handed the dogs’ leashes over to them “Then I’ll be off then. See you at section on Monday.” He waved at the other student before walking off.
Kakuzu let out a sigh of relief before closing the door behind him. He bent down to give the dogs the attention they deserved and still held their leashes tightly in his hands. “You guys can all come out!” He shouted loudly.
Kakuzu heard a loud thud from upstairs and a string of curses that sounded like Hidan. Itachi popped up behind the couch and made a beeline for the dogs, who danced happily as he approached.
“They’re so cute.” He hummed fondly, stretching his arms out to pet the dogs. Kakuzu held their leashes tightly “Be careful” he warned “they can get pretty excitable.”
Itachi looked Kakuzu in the eye “Maybe that’s how I want to die. It’s a worthy death.” His tone was confident as he took another step towards the dogs. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and dropped the leashes “I better be in your will.” He grunted.
Hidan rushed down the stairs just in time to hear Kakuzu’s words and saw the dogs all jump on Itachi, quickly taking him to the ground.
“You bastard! I knew you were only in it for his inheritance!”
“Of course you would only show up for that part!”
They were in each other’s faces now and would have started fighting any moment, the preservation of the house be damned, when Itachi’s laughter broke it up.
“You two can get a room, there’s plenty.” He laughed as the dogs pawed and licked at him. He did his best to pat each dog though with two hands only he was left scrambling around “These little angels wouldn’t kill anyone.”
Kakuzu, who had seen the number of squirrels and raccoons they had taken down, would beg to differ but before he could say much the back door slid open.
Kisame emerged, completely soaked but with a grin on his face “Her pool is heated! You picked a great place to dig for gold, Kakuzu.”
Hidan snickered at both Kisame’s appearance and commented “Only you would think to hide in the pool.”
“Where did you hide then?” Kisame inquired a bit indignantly.
“In the closet.” Hidan replied.
“I didn’t know it was Throwback Thursday.” Kisame grinned widely at his joke before he turned his gaze to the ground where Itachi was and blanched.
Kakuzu noticed his expression immediately. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of dogs.” Of all people he wouldn’t have expected it from Kisame, but he supposed it was possible.
Kisame scratched the back of his head. “No, just a little allergic.”
Hidan whirled back to facing Kakuzu with an accusing point of his finger “And you’re trying to kill Kisame!”
Kakuzu threw his hands in the air and walked toward the living room. “That is exactly what I’m doing, and I’m going to frame the professor for it.” He hissed out, giving up quickly on pleading his case.
“Aww come on, you’re ugly when you pout.” Hidan soothed.
Kakuzu shot a glare at him and next thing Hidan knew Kakuzu was lunging over the couch and throwing a punch. Hidan stepped to the side and threw his own punch.
While the two of them wrestled on the ground, Itachi rose up from where he was on the ground to get some towels for Kisame. “You should probably take that off.” He said softly and went to help him out when the other stepped away. Itachi furrowed his brow but then remembered their dilemma as the dogs’ pattering paws trailed behind him.
“I thought you were only a little allergic.” He said with concern. Kisame raised his hands up “Oh no I am!” He assured Itachi “But I don’t like being sick.”
Itachi gave a knowing nod “Oh yeah, you were pretty whiny when you got a cold last quarter.”
Kisame moved to start taking off his clothes and laughed “Hey you said you wouldn’t tease me about that.”
Itachi shrugged “I must have been high when I said that. Promises under the influence don’t count.” He insisted with a smile.
Behind Itachi, Kakuzu and Hidan finally broke apart with glares at one another and heaving as they caught their breath. When they first moved in, their fighting had worried Kisame and Itachi a lot but they soon learned that it was better to let them blow off some steam.
Kakuzu stood and roughly grabbed Hidan’s arm to stand him up. “Hey fuck that hurts!” Hidan swore, but grinned nonetheless. He always was happier after a fight, whereas Kakuzu mellowed out.
“Help me bring the dogs to their room so they can stay up there so Kisame doesn’t have to be around them.” He explained, ignoring Hidan’s protest.
Itachi whirled around at that and Hidan rolled his eyes “They have their own room?” They both asked quickly.
Kisame whistled from where he was outside, wearing only his swim shorts. “She really does have money, you should try to get into her inheritance too.” He joked.
Kakuzu huffed and decided to ignore that comment as well. “Their room is the first door upstairs to the right. You two can handle it, I’ll help set it up down here.” He instructed them.
Hidan took the order rather gracefully, which was mostly due to how excited Itachi was to see the dog room.
While Hidan and Itachi went upstairs in their grand search for the room, which Kakuzu was almost certain would go awry, he went to get Kisame dry and inside the house. It wasn’t hard to find the towels the professor kept stored away.
He stepped outside and only now just realized what Kisame was wearing. “You wore your swim trunks under your clothes.” He stated more than asked.
“I figured she had a pool, all rich people do.” He stated lightly and Kakuzu wanted to argue with that sweeping generalization but knew, like most arguments, he wouldn’t win since no one used logic anymore.
“I suppose they do.” He agreed and handed him the towel that Kisame took from him gratefully. Kisame started to pat himself dry and continued “Thanks for inviting us over. I bet it would have been easier just to be here by yourself.”
Kakuzu rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “I didn’t want to be alone with those dogs all weekend.”
Kisame hummed thoughtfully at that. “Yeah, being alone with dogs sounds hard now that I think about it. At least there will be four of us to help wrangle them in.” He said optimistically.
The somewhat tender moment was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass from upstairs and followed by desperate shouting mixed with excited barking.
“Oh fuck.” Kisame repeated and shot a nervous grin at Kakuzu whose eyes darkened considerably.
Kakuzu stomped toward the house with a purpose. “I take back what I said. Those two are worse than the dogs.”
Kisame followed him quickly and tried to calm Kakuzu down “I bet it sounds worse than it is! It can’t be anything that a little bit of team work can’t fix!” The aspiring swim team captain came out in those words but did nothing to assuage Kakuzu who pointed to the ground.
“Stay here, you’re still too wet to come inside.”
Kisame stopped immediately and watched with apprehension as Kakuzu disappeared inside. ‘Well this is the perfect time to change into something dry.’ He thought as he reached an arm through the doorway and was able to snag one of the bags he dropped precariously when he first ran outside to hide.
Kisame hummed to himself as more shouts followed Kakuzu getting upstairs and the sound of something thudding against the walls reverberated through the house. “I’m sure it’ll be a fun weekend.” He told himself.
He entered the house just in time for Itachi running towards him in a panic “I think they’re really going to kill each other this time! You have to help me pull them apart.”
‘I’m sure it’ll be a fun weekend.’ he repeated to himself once again, swearing it like a vow, as he quickly followed Itachi up the stairs.