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"When are you going to marry that girl, Ben?" Leia's voice is clear and loud as Rey makes her way down the stairs toward the kitchen.
Rey crinkles her nose, Ben has a girlfriend? He hasn't mentioned a girlfriend to her, which is weird because that's the kind of thing Ben would usually tell her. She also hasn't noticed him going out on any dates lately. Actually, if Rey is being honest, she can't think of a single date Ben has gone since their last year of college.
Which was three years ago.
Maybe he does have a girlfriend and he's just been keeping it a secret from her.
If Leia is talking marriage that must mean Ben's found his soulmate. The thought of Ben keeping something like that from her doesn't sit well in her stomach.
Ben's been Rey's best friend since the day Maz became her foster mom in the fourth grade and she moved in next door. Leia had clearly told Ben that he needed to be nice to her and he was grumpy about it the second Leia and Maz had left the two of them together in the backyard.
It didn't take long for Rey to win him over though. And the rest was history. Ben and Rey did everything together.
They went to prom together. They went to college together. They've been living together for six years.
If Ben had found his soulmate, he would have told her.
Rey's mostly positive that Ben would have told her anyway. Ben has always been secretive about his soulmate mark. She figures that it must be on his upper thighs or ass because she's never seen it.
Which means it couldn't match hers, which rested on the middle of her back, just below the band of her bra.
Rey's seen Ben without a shirt plenty of times. And sure, a lot of people cover up their mark if they are going to be out in public and they don't feel like they are ready to find their soulmate.
Rey does.
Mostly because she can't imagine finding anyone she's meant to be with who isn't Ben Solo. It’s a problem. One that she is definitely going to have to face one day, but today doesn’t have to be that day. Neither does tomorrow.
Which is exactly what Rey has been telling herself since she turned sixteen and her mark showed up. One day, probably one day soon, she’s going to have to figure out what she is going to do.
But that's a road Rey does not need to be going down while she's staying with Ben at his parents house for Ben's birthday.
"I assure you, mother," Ben starts, and Rey can see him standing behind the island in the kitchen as she walks into the room. He is pouring coffee into the two cups in front of him. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Rey walks over to stand by Ben, grabbing one of the cups from in front of him, blowing on the liquid before taking a drink. It's too hot and it burns her tongue. Rey crinkles her nose and sets the cup back down.
Leia smiles warmly at her from where she is sitting at the dining room table. Han looks amused as he sips on his coffee.
"I'm just saying. We all thought you'd guys would be married by now," Leia shrugs, but there's a hint of urgency to her voice. "Your father and I would both like to be at your wedding. And we aren't getting any younger."
"Who is Ben marrying?" Rey chuckles as she continues to blow on her coffee.
She takes a small drink. The liquid is cooler, only warming her throat instead of burning it. She takes a larger drink.
"Well you," Leia responds, her eyebrows knitting together. "Who else would we be talking about?"
"What?" Rey practically shrieks, spitting out the coffee in her mouth across the island counter.
Why on Earth would Leia think that Ben would marry Rey? Or that they would have been married by now?
That doesn't make any sense.
“Mom,” Ben says, and there’s a clear warning in his tone that he wants this conversation to immediately stop. He moves quickly to grab the towel that’s hanging next to the oven and begins cleaning up the coffee. “I’m not marrying Rey.”
It hurts. It absolutely should not hurt Rey to hear Ben say that he isn’t marrying her. She knows that he isn’t marrying her. They are just friends. They have always been just friends.
But still. Hearing him say the words guts her.
Rey takes a deep breath, keeping her eyes focused on the counter, watching as Ben cleans up the mess that she made. She waits for Leia to say something else, but nothing follows Ben’s proclamation except for silence.
Painful, awkward silence.
When Rey finally looks up from the counter, she sees Leia looking between her and Ben in absolute confusion.
“But you two,” Leia starts, shaking her head. “You two are soulmates.”
“We really aren’t Leia,” Rey says, hoping that she is somehow managing to keep the horror off of her face at having to have this conversation. “I think we would know by now if we were. I’ve seen Ben without a shirt a million times. I think I would have seen his soulmark by now if it was on his back. Which is where mine is. So there’s just no way that we are soulmates.”
“No, Rey you don’t understand, I’ve seen--”
“Your soulmark is on your back?” Ben asks, interrupting Leia.
Rey turns her head to look at Ben, narrowing her eyes at him. “Yes. You’ve seen my soulmark, Ben.”
“No, I haven’t,” Ben responds, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen your soulmark, Rey.”
Rey tilts her head, tapping her fingers against the countertop. She knows she wears makeup to cover up her mark whenever they’ve gone out in the past swimming. But she doesn’t cover it up when they are just in the apartment and it’s very clearly visible when she’s working out in a sports bra.
So, really, there’s no way that Ben hasn’t seen her mark. There’s just not .
“Of course you have, Ben,” Rey finally says, rolling her eyes a bit. “It’s literally visible every time I’m working out in the apartment.”
Ben looks down at the ground, but Rey catches the slight tint of red that crosses his cheeks. “I don’t, I, uh--” Ben stammers with a small shake to his head before he glances back up at Rey. “I don’t look. When you’re exercising, I mean. I try not to--”
Rey grimaces, unable to keep the quick flash of hurt from showing on her face. It doesn’t matter that she knows Ben doesn’t see her as anything more than a friend, but knowing that and actually hearing it…
Well. That’s two different things.
“Fuck,” Ben rambles, stepping toward Rey, lifting his arm up to reach out for her. He pauses though, his hand just awkwardly hoovering in the air. “I didn’t mean, Rey, I didn’t--”
“Princess,” Han says, pulling Rey’s attention from Ben and back to his parents. “Maybe we should run to the store. Didn’t you say that we needed a few more things for dinner?”
“No,” Leia quickly responds, her eyebrows drawing down in confusion.
"Leia," Han sighs, bringing up a hand to press against his temple. "Why don't we--"
"I'll go," Rey interrupts, pushing her hands off of the counter as she takes a step back.
"Rey," Ben starts, reaching out for Rey's hand.
"No," Rey says softly, pulling her arms up protectively across her body. "I should go," she continues, her voice only cracks slightly as she walks around Ben. "I need to go."
Ben says something else, Rey can hear his voice following behind her but there's too much noise in her own head for her to even begin trying to figure it out. She slips on her shoes and grabs the first jacket she sees, pulling it on as she opens the front door and steps outside.
It's chilly, the early morning air is cold across her face as she walks down the driveway. She tugs at the zipper, and pulls the hood up onto her head.
She takes a deep breath, trying to will away the tears that have been threatening to fall since she stepped out of the house. Which is when she realized that all she can smell is Ben and that she took his jacket.
Because of course she did.
Her vision blurs as the tears finally fall. Not that it matters, she knows the path to the tree house like the back of her hand. It's a path she's walked more times than could she count.
She easily climbs up the ladder to the tree house where she and Ben had spent most of their time in high school. Back then, it felt more like home to her than anywhere else.
She sits on the bed that's shoved off to the corner and wipes at her face in frustration. She shouldn't be crying. She knows she shouldn't be. None of this is news. Of course she's not Ben Solo's soulmate. It's a childish fantasy that she's held on to for far too long.
But it still hurts. The same way acknowledging it in private has always hurt her. Of course having to acknowledge it in front of Ben and his parents would hurt more.
Leia had just sounded so sure. So confident when she had said that they were soulmates. Insinuating that she had seen their matching marks.
That they were soulmates.
It was cruel in a way that doesn’t make sense.
The sound from the latch to the door wiggling draws Rey out of her thoughts. She aggressively begins rubbing her hands against her face, willing herself to stop crying before Ben makes it all the way inside.
She's not entirely successful by the time Ben makes it into the treehouse. It's been years since they've been up here together, and if Rey were in any sort of laughing mood the image of Ben and the amount of room he took up in the small space would have her in a fit of giggles. Rey's pretty sure he's actually hunched down and he still almost hits the ceiling once he starts walking toward the bed.
"Rey," Ben says, his voice low, as he sits down next to her. Rey lets him take her hand without a fight. "I'm so sorry about… all of that."
"It's fine," Rey gives him a small smile, ignoring the way her eyes begin stinging with fresh tears. "It's not your fault. We both know you don't control what ideas your mom comes up with."
Ben doesn't say anything in response, just squeezes Rey's hand and sits next to her.
It's too much. Him being next to her, holding her hand, trying to comfort her. But she doesn't know how to tell Ben that she just wants to be alone. That sitting next to him, letting him be the shoulder she cries on is too much when he's the reason this hurts so much.
Because it's not his fault. Rey knows it's not his fault. He doesn't get to pick who his soulmate is anymore than Rey does.
But she wonders if he could, if it was his choice, would he pick her?
"You don't have to stay out here," Rey says after a few more minutes have passed, untangling her hand from his and running it through her hair. "It's your birthday. You should be inside celebrating with your family. Not out here with me."
"I'm right where I want to be," Ben argues, shaking his head. "I'm not going back in until you go back."
Rey glances over at him, before deciding that looking at him and talking to him at the same time isn't a smart idea unless she wants to start crying again. She shifts her focus back down to the bed spread, carefully following the swirl patterns with her eyes.
"I, uh, I was thinking," Rey takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself before starting again. "I was thinking I may just go home."
"How? I mean, we came together in my car."
Right. Rey hadn't really thought of how she would get home. Just that she knows she would much rather be anywhere but at the Solo household for the next 48 hours.
"I could call Rose or Poe, maybe one of them could come get me."
"Is your soulmark really on your back?" Ben asks before Rey has even finished her sentence.
Rey nods.
"Can I," Ben pauses, taking a deep breath, before placing his hands on her face and gently pushing against her jaw until she turns to look at him.
He looks nervous.
"Can I see it?" Ben asks, his eyes hopeful. "Your soulmark," he clarifies quickly. "Can I see your soulmark?"
"Ben," Rey begins, unsure of how to tell him no. Because if he sees it… then it'll be confirmed. Whatever tiny chance there is that they are soulmates will be gone.
And she's not ready for that.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Rey finally admits.
"My soulmarks on my back too," Ben gives her a tight smile. "I always assumed yours wasn't. But then earlier when you said that mine wasn't on my back… that means yours is too, right?"
"Yeah," Rey reaches behind her back, and taps just above her bra, where her soulmark rests. "It is. But yours, Ben, if yours is on your back… why have I never seen it? You cover it up all the time? You're never going to meet your soulmate if you hide it any time someone might see it."
"I never wanted anyone to see it," Ben is the one who looks away this time.
"Why?" Rey asks, her forehead wrinkling in confusion. "You used to talk all the time about how you couldn't wait to find your soulmate… your person. Why would you do something that stops you from finding them?"
"You're my person, Rey," Ben says this with a small laugh, as if he's saying something that isn't world shifting. "You've always been my person."
Rey opens her mouth, before quickly closing it when she realizes she doesn't know what to say to that.
"I don't… I don't really remember when it happened," Ben continues, his gaze still focused on the floor. "But at some point the idea of me finding my soulmate… and them not being you became overwhelming. Because you're who I want…"
This time, it's Rey that reaches for Ben's face and her fingers that push against his jaw until he's looking at her.
She doesn't need to hear him say it, that he wants her to be his soulmate, for her to make up her mind to show him her soulmark.
Maybe they aren't soulmates. Maybe this will hurt them both.
But for the first time, the risk seems worth the consequences. Because he does want her the same way she wants him… and even if they aren't soulmates, there must be some kind of peace in knowing that even if only for a moment, they were on the same page.
"I'll show you," Rey says, with a small nod as if she's confirming her intent.
Rey stands, before reaching down and grasping the bottom of her t-shirt. She takes a deep breath, narrowly avoids opening her mouth and making some dumb comment, and quickly pulls her shirt up and over her head.
Rey closes her eyes, holding her breath as she waits for Ben to break it to her that it's not a match. That whatever soulmark graces his back is in his shoulder or just above his ass and that it definitely, definitely isn't a match with hers.
Only he doesn't say anything. There's a sharp intake of breath and then… nothing. Just silence and the deafening sound of Rey's racing heart.
Biting down on her lip, Rey shifts her weight from one foot to another, trying to resist the urge to run out of the tree house topless.
She jumps a little when Ben places a hand on her lower back, almost like he's trying to steady her. Her breath catches in her throat when his fingers brush against her soulmark for the first time. He traces the star at the bottom of the mark carefully with his finger, before following the curve of the butterfly wing that wraps around the star and curves around Rey's spine.
Her skin feels like it's on fire.
"Would you like to see my soulmark, Rey?" Ben asks, removing his hands from her back.
Rey almost whimpers at the loss of his touch.
"You can just tell me that they don't match, Ben. I'll believe you. You don't have to show--"
"Rey," Ben interrupts, his voice sounding further away. "Please just turn around."
Time seems to slow down once Rey does turn to face Ben only to see his back. His bare back. And Rey would normally wonder how exactly he managed to take his shirt off that fast… only…
Ben's shirtless. And her soulmark is on his back.
Her soulmark rests and wraps against Ben's spine the same way it does on her own.
The silver sprays that burst off of the star shimmer on his skin the same way that they shimmer on her skin.
And it doesn't make any sense.
Because she can see her soulmark on Ben's back, which means her soulmark is his soulmark.
Which means they are soulmates.
Which can't be true.
Only she can see it. And when she lifts her fingers to his skin, she can feel it. Warm and real under her fingers. She presses the pad of her thumb against the mark, trying to wipe it away.
Her eyes narrow when the mark doesn't smudge, when the lines and design remain exactly the same.
The same lines and design that grace her back.
"You," Rey starts, unable to hold back the smile that's spreading across her face. "You have my soulmark."
Rey doesn't need to be able to see Ben to know the way he's smiling, to be able to perfectly picture his slightly crooked teeth, the deep smile lines that would be forming, or the way his eyes would seem lighter the larger his smile grew.
No, she doesn't need to be able to see Ben to know exactly what he looks like at that moment. But when he turns around and looks exactly as she imagined, Rey's positive that the feeling of belonging that is settling into her bones is a feeling that will never go away.
Because she's looking at her soulmate.
Ben is her soulmate.
"More like you have my soulmark," Ben teases, his eyes playful as he rests his hands on her hips. "I am older after all."
Rey quirks her eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. "Is that sass I'm hearing?" She teases, stretching up slightly to wrap her arms around Ben's neck. "I'm going to have to put up with sass for the rest of my life?"
"You are," Ben grins, nodding his head as he slides his hands from Rey's hips to her lower back, pushing her closer to him. "And you know what's worse? You're happy about it."
Rey debates teasing him some more, quippy comebacks already swirling around her brain. But, more than anything, she just really wants to know what it's like to kiss her soulmate.
And the comebacks can wait.
So she pushes up on her toes, tightening her hands against his neck and kisses him.
Not that Rey ever would want to admit how many times she's thought about kissing Ben before, but it's fair to admit that she's thought about it many, many times. In pretty explicit detail at least most of those times.
She had thought about the way his lips would feel against hers, fairly confident that Ben would take his time, moving his lips slowly, trying to savor the kiss. She had thought about the way his hands would feel skimming up and down her back.
She had hoped she would fit just right into his arms like she thought that she would, that there wouldn't be awkward angles or positions as they tried to find a rhythm.
She wanted it to be perfect. In her dreams, kissing Ben was always a perfect kiss, even the kisses that shouldn't have been.
It's surprising how even with such high expectations, actually kissing him is so much better than she ever could have imagined.
His lips are smooth against hers, sure in the way they move, just the right amount of pressure and speed. One of his hands moves up her back to rest against her soulmark, and even through her shirt, the way her mark seems to come alive when he brushes against it is intoxicating.
Ben deepens the kiss when Rey lowers her hand to touch his mark, a low groan coming from deep in his throat when her fingers first brush across it.
She wants to kiss Ben again, and again, and again.
The knowledge that she gets to is hypnotizing.
She's not sure how long they stand there in their treehouse just kissing, but eventually air becomes a necessity and Rey steps back, giggling to herself as she takes a deep breath and smiles at Ben.
"So, how about a date?" Rey asks.
"I always thought a spring or autumn wedding would be nice," Ben responds pretty fast, his words running together a bit. "But you can probably convince me for any season if I'm being honest."
Rey laughs, her nose scrunching in joy. "I meant, like a date, date, Ben. Not a wedding date!"
"Oh," Ben chuckles nervously, his cheeks turning red.
"I'd like an autumn wedding though," Rey takes his hand and squeezes it. "Good weather, fun colors. I'd like that."
Ben bends slightly to kiss her forehead.
"So," he says as he straightens. "A date."
"You know, the things people usually do before getting married."
"We could go to dinner now?" Ben offers, already pulling Rey toward the door.
"Ben," Rey huffs, a little breathless from how much she's been laughing. "It's not even 9 am."
"Breakfast then," Ben shrugs, letting go of her hand to climb down the ladder
Rey follows him, taking his offered hand once she reaches the ground. It's strange how the air doesn't seem quite as cold with Ben's hand in hers.
"Tomorrow," Rey says when they are almost back to his parent's house. "We can go to dinner tomorrow."
"But-"
"It's your birthday, Ben," Rey reminds him. "You have a whole group of people here to celebrate just you."
"I think they'd understand." Ben kisses the side of her mouth. "My mom probably wouldn't even be mad."
He kisses the other side of her mouth. And then the tip of her nose.
"Tomorrow?" He asks, smiling when Rey nods. "Tomorrow then."
Leia looks like she's over the moon when they walk back into the house hand-in-hand, with what Rey assumes is pure happiness etched on their faces.
She makes some comment about how she honestly assumed they knew about the soulmarks. That she wouldn't have been so pushy if she had known.
She reminds Rey that when Leia took her prom dress shopping, Rey called her in to help zip up one of the dresses, her soulmark was on clear display then.
Rey's surprised that she managed to keep it to herself for that long.
And later that night, after Ben's blown out the candles on his cake and dealt with more than his fair share of teasing from Han and Chewie, when Ben's in the kitchen helping Leia clean up, Rey pretends that she doesn't see Leia hand off a ring to Ben.
She's not in a hurry. After all, they have forever.