Work Text:
This, he thinks, is probably the first time that seeing All Might fills him with dread.
And he hates it.
Because that’s normally how he feels when he sees Father.
Not All Might.
Not the Symbol of Peace.
Not his hero.
Shouto still remembers how he used to watch those shows with Mom on TV, shows where All Might smiled right at him and said that he believed in him, believed in who he wanted to become.
He still remembers how he’d sometimes lean into the bathroom mirror and lift two strands of different-colored hair in the air while trying to practice his smile like All Might did.
He even remembers how he’d pray to himself in the dark of night, through burning limbs and pinpricks in his eyes—pray for the gods to help him. He’d bargain that in exchange for taking Mom away, they might send All Might instead to stop Father from forcing him to train, stop him from making everything hurt.
He’d fall asleep praying still, drained by the rivers on his cheeks, but dreaming of a blinding smile and of comforting hands.
Yes, All Might has always been a beacon of hope to Shouto. Someone who's given him strength even without ever having met him. Someone who comforted him more with his absence than Father’s presence ever did.
But now...
Now, seeing him at the entrance of his hospital room only turns his stomach to lead and his throat to sand, because...
Because All Might is here, and nothing can stop him now from seeing how ugly Shouto is. He will see at last how Shouto is actually the catalyst of this earthquake now rippling throughout Japan, shaking the faith of civilians and heroes alike in the system balanced upon Father’s shoulders.
All Might will see how Shouto is the root cause of his entire family’s suffering, how his very existence has turned both Mother and Touya—and arguably, Father—to the brink of insanity.
And All Might will see how tragically bound they are to one another—will no longer see Shouto as a fledgling hero reaching for the stars, but as his engineered replacement.
As his competition.
And Shouto...
Shouto has never wanted to be that.
He never dared to hope that he could become more than just a fraction of the man All Might is, but...
But now, All Might will see him as a threat.
He will see him as the ugly experiment he is, as the brother to a mad villain and the son to a disgraced hero.
So Shouto, helpless to stop this all from unfolding as All Might slides the door shut behind him, simply grips the sheets of his bed with bandaged hands, and chooses to focus on the pain, on the tightness of his burnt skin as it throbs.
“Young Todoroki,” All Might begins, eyes riveted on Shouto’s hands as he hesitantly steps forward. His voice is filled with something like disgust as he watches his bandages, so Shouto decides to slide his hands under the covers instead so All Might doesn’t have to see them.
“All Might,” he croaks out in greeting, the words sending spikes of pain through his throat.
All Might flinches.
And Shouto feels ever so small at being so disgusting to his hero.
“Please, don’t strain your throat, Young Todoroki,” All Might says at last, and Shouto understands he’s trying as kindly as possible to make sure he doesn’t have to listen to his broken voice anymore, so he nods. He doesn’t want to subject All Might to his ugliness.
All Might, strangely enough, wrings his hands then. It reminds him of Midoriya.
“You must be tired,” he begins after a beat, something in his eyes weirdly uncertain. “If you can stomach my presence a little while, I won’t be long, Young Todoroki.”
And that’s... a very strange way to put... whatever this is into words.
Because how could Shouto not stomach All Might’s presence? Doesn’t that mean he’d be disgusted with All Might? That he would have to force himself to endure his presence?
Why would All Might think that?
Frowning, Shouto forgets about his inner turmoil at seeing his teacher and gestures towards the chair beside him.
He makes sure not to say anything, though. He remembers not to subject All Might to his voice, after all.
All Might flashes him a small smile, and though it is a very far cry from his trademark grin, Shouto feels his mind calm a tiny bit at the sight.
His teacher then settles into the seat, folding his hands neatly over his knees as his eyes rove over Shouto’s form, no doubt taking in the extent of the damage from the fight that Shouto had lost against his villain brother.
It makes him want to squirm.
But he doesn’t.
And he feels a little proud of himself for it.
All Might’s hand twitches on his knees, and Shouto looks away. He must be making him uncomfortable with his staring and his presence.
Except... it’s All Might who came to see him, so...
So he can leave when he wants, can’t he?
“Young Todoroki,” All Might begins, and Shouto’s eyes snap to him. It’s impolite to not look someone in the eye after all, isn’t it? That’s what Father always says anyways. “I have... been recently informed that I... have been so very deeply remiss in my duties as a hero and as a teacher,” he declares then, with an expression that seems like... remorse?
But that doesn’t make sense.
Neither do his words, really.
“How?” Shouto croaks out, before the sound of his voice reminds him that he shouldn’t speak—that All Might told him not to speak—and he grimaces, biting on the apology that wants to escape from his throat.
All Might’s eyes seem to droop as he looks at him. “There is this young man,” he begins at last. “A young man that has been suffering for a long time on his own. And though I have only gotten to meet him recently, I feel I... should have done more for this boy.”
Shouto doesn’t really know where this is going... Why is All Might here? Why is he telling him about a young man? Is it because Shouto knows him?
Oh.
Is it Midoriya?
“Is Midoriya all right?” Shouto asks then, his pulse spiking with the sound of his heart monitor as he thinks about his best friend, bloodied and battered on the floor of the battlefield. He knows Midoriya is somewhere in the hospital being tended to, and he knows something’s been bothering him recently...
Is that what All Might’s talking about?
Has Midoriya been suffering all alone?
All Might’s face contorts into something like shock, and Shouto remembers.
He’s not supposed to speak.
That means he can’t apologize for his transgression, though, but All Might, kindly enough, doesn’t address the matter. “Young Midoriya is... he is awake. His mother is with him,” he informs Shouto, and Shouto nods, relieved at the news, though it doesn’t assuage his worries about Midoriya’s suffering...
“But Young Midoriya is not the one I was alluding to,” All Might continues, and Shouto frowns.
Then who?
He knows All Might has gotten closer to Bakugou recently. Maybe him? Bakugou does look the type to have issues, and to want to suffer them alone without any extras interfering.
Shouto would have to check on him, then.
Suddenly, there’s warmth hovering over Shouto’s hand, and his eyes snap back into All Might’s direction to find him hunching towards Shouto, hand outstretched towards him. His face is open—perhaps even too much, because Shouto can somehow read pain in the lines of his wrinkles—and he seems to be asking for permission to touch him.
And it makes Shouto think of months ago, when All Might had hugged him at the Sports’ Festival—then a few weeks ago, when he’d rested a palm over Shouto’s head after his first villain capture.
It makes him think of the warmth he’d felt then, of how comforted he’d felt by the contact, by the fact that it was All Might there.
It makes him think of how much he wanted All Might to reach for him again.
So Shouto, looking at All Might’s hesitant hand hovering over his, feels a selfish hope spark in his heart, and he nods.
Just like that, All Might obliges, hand covering his own like a heavy, comforting blanket, with so many points of pressure soothingly sinking into his skin that it’s almost overwhelming, but it also feels like the sun has suddenly come out.
It quickly fills Shouto with so much happiness that it feels weird, because it’s just a hand on his hand. Why would it matter? Why does it matter?
Strangely enough, Shouto’s eyes sting then, but he blinks, and it’s gone.
“Young Todoroki,” All Might continues at last, and his voice sounds thick, for some reason. “I can never ask for your forgiveness, for what I have done should never be forgiven.”
Shouto wants to ask him what he has done, because All Might just seems so distressed right now, like he’s reaching towards a drowning person, helplessly trying to save them... But he’s only looking at Shouto, and that doesn’t make sense, because Shouto’s not drowning.
He’s just... Shouto.
It seems he thankfully doesn’t have to voice his confusion though, because All Might resumes.
“Your strength of character is one of the first things I recognized about you,” he says. “But I never knew... I never saw how much you’d endured. How much you had been pushed and wronged. And to learn that it’s all... it’s all because of me. I can never... I can never—”
All Might’s voice hitches, and Shouto is suddenly nothing but fear.
It’s like a survival instinct is activated in him, because All Might looks like he’ll cry, but how does one survive seeing All Might cry? Maybe Midoriya might know, but Shouto’s body doesn’t, so it just... buzzes, adrenaline surging through his veins as he watches his teacher’s head lower, a hand swiping over his face before he straightens back up again.
It’s not until he has started speaking again that the words start to register.
And Shouto doesn’t understand.
“I have always lived my life with the promise that I would save those within my reach. But I am so deeply ashamed to say that I never managed to help you. That you are my student, and I have not been able to protect you from the pain and torment your life has brought upon you—”
“No,” Shouto says then, and though he knows All Might doesn’t want to hear him speak—and he really doesn’t want to insult his hero—he must make him stop.
He must make him understand.
“You helped me, even when I was a kid,” Shouto explains, voice coming out broken and breathy and punctuated with painful coughs, but he needs All Might to know.
He needs him to understand.
“You didn’t have to be there to be my hero, sensei,” he says at last, and there are so many words he wants to say, but his throat is really starting to hurt and this is the core of it.
Because it’s true: All Might had been his beacon of hope, his image of heroism ever since he could understand the spoken word. All Might was a fire that burned without hurting, was a smile that shined without striking fear or dread.
All Might was pure and bright and good, and he may not have saved him physically like a young, childish Shouto once had wished for, but he had helped him endure.
And even though Shouto had lost his way once to hatred and contempt...
He had found it again because he’d had All Might in his memories.
Because his Symbol had been living in him.
He doesn’t say all of this, but All Might’s eyes shine all the same at his words, and suddenly, Shouto is being engulfed in a warmth that he has for so long wished to feel again. A warmth so much brighter than the echoes of it that he’d tucked into his heart ever since those two memorable moments where he’d been embraced by the same hero he so admires.
At first, All Might’s hug is feather-light and hesitant, but it still manages to overwhelm Shouto from how utterly gentle it is.
It is clear, though, that All Might is asking for his permission, telling him that he doesn’t wish to hurt him.
But Shouto has been hurting for so long now, and he’s been wanting to be held and saved by his hero for just as long too that he doesn’t care about a few burns—he’s used to burns.
He’s not used to this, though.
So he clings impossibly tight, grips at All Might’s back and squeezes so hard that the pain takes his breath away, but he holds on still because he feels safe.
He feels so safe.
And All Might... All Might clings right back. His breath hitches, and it feels like he may be crying but Shouto doesn’t want to check to make sure.
He just wants to bask in this feeling, engrave it into his brain so that the memory and the echo of All Might’s arms around him never fade.
Because at last—at last—All Might is here.