Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dear Dad
I don't think I have a gender and I hope you will still love me-

Jack shook their head and crossed that out. It felt too rushed and he didn't even explain his feelings.

Dear Dad,
Have you ever heard of the term-?

They crossed this one out too.

Dear Dad,
You said I've been acting odd lately and I wanted to tell you-

Jack grumbled to themself as they crossed out the words again. This was so hard. They didn't think they would ever get it right.

They shoved the notebook off the desk in a fit of frustration and it landed on the floor with a loud thud.

A few minutes later they heard a knock at their door.

"Go away." They frowned. "I don't want to talk, Dad."

"It's not Dad, Jack." Mick said. "May I come in?"

Jack sighed and got up to open their door.

Mick walked into Jack's room and sat down on their bed.

"Castiel is worried about you." Mick said. "And so am I. You've been unusually distant from everyone. It's starting to concern us."

"You don't need to worry about me." Jack said.

"We'll always worry about you, Jack." Mick told them. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong. But I'm hear to listen if you need me to."

"It's nothing." Jack said. "Nothing bad, anyway."

"I should hope not." Mick laughed.

"I just feel really different from other people." Jack explained.

"Do you want to tell me what you mean by that?" Mick asked.

"See it's just, everyone seems so sure about what they are." Jack said. "And I don't know what I am."

Jack frowned again and knelt down to get their notebook, holding it close to their chest like a lifeline.

"I'm not a boy." Jack said.

"So are you a-" Mick started but Jack cut him off before he could finish his question.

"I'm not a girl either." Jack continued. "I don't think I'm anything, I don't fit anywhere."

"That's okay." Mick said. "You don't have to fit in with any gender. You can just be you and that will be enough."

"That's a nice thing to say." Jack said. "But I don't think everyone else will feel that way about me. I'm meant to be strongest being in the world and I don't even know what I am."

"It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks about it." Mick said. "It only matters what you think."

Mick looked up them before asking another question. "Do you still want to be called Jack?"

"Yes." Jack nodded. "I like my name, mom gave it to me. I just would rather prefer to be referred to as they instead of he."

Jack sat down on their bed next to Mick. "How did you know it was safe to tell dad that you were trans? How did you know he would be okay with it?"

Mick put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"I didn't." Mick admitted. "I had the wrong impression of how accepting angels would be and I was afraid he wouldn't want to be with me if he knew I was trans."

"But he was okay with you." Jack said. "Dad loves you."

"Yes." Mick smiled fondly as he remembered how softly Castiel kissed him after he came out to him on their first date. "He was just so happy that I felt comfortable enough around him to tell him."

"And you think Dad will feel the same if I tell him I'm-" Jack took a deep breath before saying what they wanted. "If I tell him I'm nonbinary."

There, now they finally said it out loud and it wasn't scary. It felt good. It felt good to let someone else know.

"Of course. Castiel will love you no matter what." Mick said. "You're his child, Jack. You and your happiness is more important to him than anything else."

"You won't tell him though right?" Jack asked.

"Castiel will understand this more than you think." Mick said. "But no, I won't say anything. You tell him when you're ready."

"Thank you, Mick." Jack said.

They wrapped their arms around the British man and buried their face in his shirt.

"I love you."

They heard Mick gasp before feeling him wrap his arms around them too."

"I love you too, Jack."

Chapter Text

Jack was very nervous when they left the letter they had written to Castiel on the counter next to the coffee pot. They knew Castiel would find it there because he always woke up early and the first thing he did every morning was make his coffee.

Jack felt sick to their stomach, leaving their letter out in the open for Castiel to find. What if he didn't react well? What if Mick was wrong? What if Castiel wasn't as accepting as Mick thought he was? What if-

Jack tried to shake the bad thoughts from their mind. Mick was right. Castiel would love them no matter what. He forgave them for killing Mary, he stood up for them when Dumah was manipulating them by saying they would be creating new angels, he didn't even get mad when he found out Jack was eating grigori hearts. Every time Castiel had just let Jack know he would always care about them. So this shouldn't be any different.

They tried to ignore their nervous feeling by watching a movie, The Fox and the Hound, in their opinion it was the best movie on Disney+. They fell asleep around the part where Tod discovered Copper was gone and didn't wake up until they heard knocking at their door.

"Jack." Castiel's voice is what finally woke him from his dream. "Jack?"

Jack smiled brightly, thinking Mick must have made a surprise breakfast and Castiel was waking them up for it like he usually did until they remembered the letter they left out for their Dad.

That sick nervous feeling they had last night came rushing back and all of a sudden they dreaded opening the door for their father.

Jack closed their eyes and twisted the doorknob waiting for Castiel-

To pull them into a hug?

"I'm sorry, Jack." Castiel said, his voice muffled by Jack's shoulder.

"Sorry? For what?" Jack asked.

Castiel squeezed them tighter. "I'm so sorry you thought I wouldn't love you. I don't want you to ever feel like that again."

"You got my letter." Jack said.

"Yes." Castiel said, finally letting them go so they could breathe comfortably again. "And it's okay Jack. I'm not mad at you for being nonbinary, I could never hate you for being yourself."

"That was just me being insecure." Jack frowned. "I don't think I really thought you'd hate me, I was just worried at the possibility. Some people aren't lucky enough to have you as a dad."

"Is there anything you'd like to do, maybe something that would make you feel more like yourself?" Castiel asked. "In your letter you said you'd want different clothes or make up?"

"We could really do that today?" The nervous feeling in Jack's stomach was slowly starting to fade away and they started feeling more hopeful.

"We could." Castiel nodded. "And if you'd like to let Mick know-"

"I already told him." Jack admitted.

"You did?" Castiel tilted his head. "When?"

"A few weeks ago." Jack rubbed the back of their neck. They hoped Castiel wouldn't be too disappointed at not being the first to know. "He was the first person I told."

Instead of looking upset, Castiel seemed happy. "Perhaps he can come with us then and it can be a day to celebrate you, a Jack day."

"That sounds wonderful." Jack smiled. "Really wonderful. Thank you, Dad."

"You don't have to thank me." Castiel protested. "I just want you to feel comfortable."

"You know, I was thinking," Jack said. "When Mick was talking to me, he said that you'd understand better than anyone else how I was feeling. What did he mean by that?"

"There was a time when I was unsure of my gender as well." Castiel admitted. "Angels aren't like humans. We aren't born with genders. In fact most of us don't have one or even identify with one. Those who do are very rare. I only discovered, with different vessels, that I preferred being referred to as a man."

"I really wish we had talked about this sooner." Jack said. "I feel stupid for being so worried now."

"You're not stupid, Jack." Castiel assured them. "But you're right, I should have been more open to talking about this with you. I wrongly assumed you wouldn't understand."

"But now we both know." Jack pointed out.

"So you can come to me any time you have questions." Castiel nodded.

Jack hugged their dad again just to him know that they loved him before starting their second most important conversation of the day. "If today is my special day, can we start it with chocolate chip pancakes?"

"With extra maple syrup?" Castiel smiled.

"Yes." Jack said.

Castiel nodded. "I think Mick would be happy to make them."

Chapter Text

Jack and Castiel both doused their chocolate chip pancakes in maple syrup despite Mick's warnings of all that sugar being bad for them.

"You're lucky you're both angels." He muttered. "The amount of sweets you eat could put a regular human into a sugar coma."

Jack laughed.

"Yes, we are lucky." Castiel agreed, smiling brightly at Jack who had their mouth full of pancakes.

"And a mess." Mick added.

He used the handkerchief in his pocket to wipe the sticky syrupy mess off Jack's mouth.

Jack grumbled in protest attempting to shove Mick's hand away from their face.

"Uncle Mick!" They groaned. "Stop it!"

"You don't want to be all messy on Jack day, right?" Castiel asked.

"I guess not." Jack said.

"Go wash your hands and we'll get ready to go." Mick told them.

The first place they went to was Target.

Jack immediately ran to women's section and started looking through the brightly colored shirts.

"Look at this one!" They exclaimed, holding up a bright blue shirt with unicorn on it. "Isn't it nice?"

"It's very pretty." Mick nodded. "And it matches your eyes."

"Do you want it?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah." Jack placed it carefully in the cart.

They picked put three more shirts and a pair of pants before declaring they were done.

"Are you sure you don't want to get one of the dresses?" Castiel asked. "They look very nice."

"I'm sure." Jack said. "I think I'll wait to go dress shopping with Aunt Rowena."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." Mick said. "She'll probably know better than us what dresses they should wear."

"Okay then." Castiel sighed. "Did you want to get make up from here?"

Jack shook their head. "I think there are better places to get make up. I was looking up local shops earlier and there's one with vegan cruelty free products."

"That's a good thing right?" Mick asked, because he really had no idea.

But Castiel seemed to know what Jack was saying because he smiled again. "Let's go, then."

When they walked into the store, Jack pointed to a sign in the back.

"Look, they even do your nails here!" They exclaimed.

"Would you like to get your nails done?" Castiel asked.

Jack nodded. "Will you too?"

"Of course." Castiel agreed.

"I'll get mine done too." Mick said. "Then we can all look nice and pretty."

Castiel and Mick allowed Jack to choose the colors for everyone and they picked purple for themself, blue for Castiel, and red for Mick.

"Because red and blue make purple." Jack explained. "It's like they're two dads with a baby too."

"That's really clever." Mick complimented them, making Jack grin.

After getting their nails painted, a nice girl helped Jack pick out things that would work well with their complexion. It was lucky for Castiel and Mick that she was so helpful because neither of them really knew anything about make up.

Jack seemed really happy when they were done.

"I should invite Aunt Rowena and Aunt Eileen over." Jack said. "They could give me a makeover. You too, Dad!"

"Me too?" Castiel tilted his head. "Is this your way of saying I'm not pretty?"

Mick leaned over to kiss Castiel's frown away. "You're the prettiest, Castiel."

Jack made a noise of disgust at seeing their dads kiss and shook their head. "No, I just think it would be more fun if you're with me."

"If you want me there, I'll be there." Castiel promised.

"It would be nice if mom could be here." Jack said. "Do you think she would be happy for me?"

"Kelly would be so proud, Jack." Castiel said.

Mick nodded in agreement. "I didn't know my sister very well, but in the short time we had together, I know she would have loved to see this part of you. All she ever wanted was for you to be happy."

Jack smiled. "I can't wait to see her again someday."

"Now where would you like to go?" Mick asked.

"I'm starving." Jack said. "Can we get lunch now?"

"Of course." Castiel nodded.

"You know what?" Jack said as they started walking across the street to their favorite diner. "I think this has been the best Jack day ever."