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Lauren wasn’t one to be noticed, never had been. She never really socialized much, never cared to. Somewhere on the school’s social hierarchy, she could be found near the bottom of the ladder, amongst the “nerdy” studious students. She seemed to be floating through school, as if she never existed to others. Looking into a classroom, she could be found in the front diligently copying notes and during lunch, she sat in the library, nose buried in a book. She was beautiful by all means and she dressed well enough, but she never let herself get out of her sanctuary, never let her walls come down.
But then, there came Camila, stumbling face first into her.
Camila was a lively character, loud and cheery. She was always smiling and waving at passing students as if they were good friends. Commonly known for bringing food into classes and tripping on her own feet, she was liked amongst her peers. She was the sunshine and she was the warm, gentle sunlight people bathed in. She flowed through high school, conforming and melding like water would to stones and she fit effortlessly into the crowd.
Lauren remembers their first interaction. Camila had tripped on one of her untied laces and she stumbled into Lauren, nearly bowling her over and scattering her books and rimmed glasses to the floor.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.”
“I-It’s okay.”
Seeing a blurred body scramble to her knees, a faint hue of blue and yellow moving in tan hands, she searched the floor for her glasses. Suddenly, feeling the plastic placed in her hands, she pushed her glasses on and she swears her heart thumps harder against her chest when she looks at the girl that stumbled into her. Feeling the weight of her books being placed into her arms anchor her back to the ground.
“I am so sorry. I tripped on my shoelaces and I couldn’t stop myself from falling into you.”
“It’s r-really okay. Don’t worry.”
She had a beautiful smile, her teeth were slightly crooked but it was so genuine she felt her own lips softly stretch into a small smile.
“I’m Camila. You’re Lauren, right? I’m in a couple of your classes.”
“Uhm, yeah, you are. H-how do you know my name?”
“You’re like one of the smartest people and although you rarely raise your hand, I hear your name drift between the teachers. And I see you, in passing periods. You’ve always got a book in your arms and you don’t really look up, which is a shame. You’ve got incredible eyes.”
Lauren’s cheeks flushed red and by habit she looked to the ground, shuffling her feet nervously.
“Hey, I gotta go, but look up at the world ahead of you. It’s beautiful and you won’t see it if you’re looking at your feet.”
Once again grinning at her, Camila waved at her and turned away, skipping to her next class.
Lauren found herself waving back, soft smile worn on her lips.
~.~.~
Camila became a constant in her life. She sat next to Lauren in her classes, slightly shifting her desk closer to the girl with emerald eyes and she’d smile at her and made effort to talk to Lauren, asking about her day or her night. Camila had started to eat her lunch with Lauren in the library and she’d do her homework, occasionally asking Lauren for help.
It started out like any other day. Camila slipped into her seat slinging her backpack onto the table and Camila wore a smile like she always did, but this one was different. Smaller, and her eyes nervously flitted from Lauren’s eyes to lips.
“So I was wondering, since it’s Friday and all, if you wanted to go out with me tonight?”
“W-what?”
“I wanna take you out tonight. May I?”
Lauren didn’t think much of it, thought Camila wanted to hang out after school like they had recently done.
“Yeah, okay.”
And Lauren could swear Camila’s smile could make the sun jealous.
Camila showed up at her doorstep, red carnations grasped in her hand, shuffling her feet nervously, worrying her lip to her teeth.
“Hi, you ready? You look beautiful, by the way.”
“I’m wearing the same thing I wore today at school.”
“Well, I know. But I just wanted you to know that I think you look beautiful.”
And there Camila went, making Lauren blush like she always did.
Camila had taken her to this quaint bookstore that seemed to have mountains of books shelved neatly into its spot and there they sat on the floor, Lauren reading The Little Prince aloud into the serene silence. Noticing Camila’s soft stare resting on her face, she stopped and dog eared the page.
“Are you even l-listening to the book?”
Camila nodded, a soft smile adorning her lips. She tucked the loose hair that fell into Lauren’s face behind her ear and she spoke with a gentle voice, russet eyes locked to emerald green.
“You are so lovely and it kills me that you don’t realize it.”
Rendered speechless, Lauren just looked at her with this lost expression and Camila cupped her face into her hands and kissed her forehead, lingering longer than usual.
“We should go, it’s getting late and this date isn’t done.”
“Wait. T-this is a date?”
Camila looked at her, endeared by the surprise laced behind Lauren’s voice.
“Well yeah. I mean it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to.”
“I do. I mean, I-I do want this to be a date.”
“Good, because I’m falling really hard for you.”
Feeling the heat rush to her cheeks, she hid her face behind her hands. Camila had gently pried her hands away from her face and she kissed her cheeks softly.
“You are so breathtaking, please don’t hide from me.”
Camila, taking Lauren’s hands and kissing the back of it, she led her to an ice cream parlor. Lauren found herself rambling about the recent history lesson and she failed to realize the sweet smile placed on Camila’s lips as they swung their interlaced hands between them.
“I’m talking too much about h-history, am I?”
“Yeah, but I love when you talk nerdy to me.”
Camila had wiped the insecurity lurking in Lauren’s eyes and instead, happiness shone from the grey specks that danced in the emerald pool. Walking to the nearby beach, Lauren couldn’t help but feel like she was the luckiest girl in the world. There in the sand was a blanket and a guitar was on top of it, pages of a notebook flipping gently with the breeze. Leading her to the area, Camila sat down and placed the guitar in her hands and she handed the notebook to Lauren.
“This is for you. I started it the day I met you and I’ve been documenting everything I’ve ever thought or felt in there, whether if it was about you or about what my mind conjured up.”
Flipping through it, Lauren saw messy handwriting scrawled neatly, margins filled with little pictures and quotes. Hearts and eyes appeared on almost every corner and she swears she sees “LJ+CC” written small on a corner that was dog eared. Camila soon dug a hole out from Lauren’s heart and in place for the gap; she filled it with her own and for once, she felt like she were a real person living life.
At the end of the night, Camila walked Lauren to her door and she kissed Lauren on her cheeks, promises to text dripping off her lips. They didn’t kiss that night, and Lauren would be lying if she said she weren’t disappointed.
~.~.~
The next time they went out, Lauren asked. She stood on Camila’s doorstep with white carnations clenched nervously in her sweaty hands and she smiled softly when she saw the blurred silhouette come closer to the door. Pushing her rimmed glasses up her nose, she cleared her throat and she took a deep breath. Just as Camila had done, Lauren took Camila’s hand and kissed her softly on the cheek, the frames of her glasses brushing against Camila’s nose.
Lauren had decided to take Camila to the pizza parlor they hung out at after school. Secluded into the corner, Camila’s favorite pizza was placed in the middle, a vanilla shake with two straws sat to the side of it.
“You know me so well, don’t you?”
“Well, I’d hope so. It’s not like you d-don’t order the same thing every time.”
“Hey, Hawaiian is literally so delicious and vanilla shakes are my kryptonite. So, one shake, huh?”
“I thought we could share. You told me once you wanted to do one of those cheesy pictures where we’re sharing a shake.”
And Camila just smiled at her that special smile and, damn, Lauren was so so lovely. After the pizza was finished, Camila eating more than half, like she always did, the owner happily agreed to take their picture. Except, Lauren wasn’t necessarily sharing the drink with Camila. She was looking at her with this loving stare that felt so tangible and real. It soon became Lauren’s favorite picture.
That night, Lauren walked her up to her door and she felt a magnet pull her to Camila. And with Camila looking at her like she was, smiling at her like she was, it would be damn near impossible to not kiss those lips. And so she did. Softly and barely there. Pulling Lauren in once again, it was gentle and it anchored her to the floor but still sent her head to the clouds in bliss.
Camila was that fresh breath of air, was that Monster drink at 4am during finals week, was the five dollars found in her jeans after the wash. She was the sun and Lauren was the carnation soaking up the warmth and she felt happy. She didn’t feel like a ghost with Camila, didn’t feel like she floated aimlessly with no intention. She felt like she mattered, that she was important.
Lauren still wasn’t one to be noticed, wasn’t one to be seen. Still hid behind her glasses, still curled into her moderate white collared dresses, still studied harder than others, this was something she wanted and would change on her own if she desired to. She still didn’t care. And as long as Camila saw her, she was okay.