Work Text:
17th August 2019, Second Ashes Test.
"I'm fine. I can go out. I can."
"Steve. Sit down. Hey Pat, can you call the trainers for another concussion check, please-"
"JL, I'm fine, let me go. This is ridiculous I-"
"Patty, get Tim too, plea-"
"Already here. Steve, you can't go back out there. You're not fit-"
"Are you serious? You, of all people, should know how important it is that I go back out there."
"You're not going to be able to play! What is the point of that!?"
"I have to go back out there, I can't just-"
"Steve. The concussion substitute is there for a reason. We're not risking your health." Patty. So reasonable. Good captain material, JL muses.
"Why won't any of you trust me!? I'm fucking fine-"
"Steve."
JL really can't deal with both of them right now. "Not right now, just pad up Marnus-"
"Steve. I promise I'll do the job."
It goes quiet. Really quiet. Pat's kind of impressed that Marnus managed to shut everybody up, honestly. He's even more impressed when he sees Steve nod. Like Marnus actually knew how to get through to him.
"Can I talk to him before he goes out?" Steve asks quietly, and JL agrees, only if he'll let the trainers stay nearby. Within a minute, everyone's out, the trainers are checking him over, and Marnus is reaching for his helmet, listening to Steve run through the intricacies of test match batting in England.
"I got this, Steve."
"I really want to be out there."
"I know. But I'll make you proud."
Steve sighs. Nods just once. Then stands (much to the chagrin of the trainers) and presses a hand to the top of Marnus' helmet. "Good luck."
21st August 2019, End of the Second Ashes Test.
Marnus tucks himself up beside Steve on the bench, not touching, not quite, but just close enough that Steve can feel the heat of his skin. He breathes out, letting his head tip back against the wall. "You scared me."
"Yeah? I'm sorry."
Marn's fingers twitch where they're resting on his own thigh, restless and jittery, betraying how he really feels.
Steve sighs. "You don't have to keep that façade up. I can hear the thoughts flying around your head."
"I'm trying to keep them quiet for you."
"it's okay, I promise. You don't have to sit so rigidly. I won't break if you accidentally brush my arm with a fingertip."
"Sorry." Marn slumps a little, pressing their thighs together, letting his hand shift slowly, so it rests on top of Steve's, thumb rubbing soothing lines across the back of his palm. "It gets loud for you, sometimes, doesn't it?"
Steve hums.
"Okay?"
"What?"
Marnus bites his lip uncomfortably. "The contact, is it okay?"
"It's like everyone's been on fucking eggshells. Tim especially, he's barely looked at me. But, God, Marn, I'm not a fucking teapot."
Steve gives up on being subtle and tugs Marnus in closer. Until he can feel their combined tension bleed out, til Marn's head is tucked safely into his collarbone, and they're quiet.
Marn smiles against his skin. "Precious like one, though."
Steve scoffs. "I just took a 150km/hr bouncer. A teapot would've smashed like a… well teapot."
Chuckling, Marnus looks up at him, close, no trace of concern, but lots of fondness. Steve's wary, presses his lips together. "Marn-"
"I know we can't. I know you love him, but can I just, I just want to make you feel better, you know."
Squinting, Steve brings them face to face with a hand in Marn's hair, massaging gently. "Feel better... how?"
Marn mumbles something, but it's too muffled. Steve looks at him pointedly, waiting for a response.
There's a cursory look around, and then, "like, this, maybe," Marn asks more than says, leaning in slowly, lips pressed to the corner of Steve's mouth. Steve's eyes close on their own account. It's gentle.
"Yeah. Like this," he whispers there. Gentle and calm.
"Steve!?" a distinctly Tasmanian voice yells. Marnus jumps back a full metre before booking it to the other side of the room. He gives Steve an apologetic, wistful look before turning back to his kitbag. "STEVE!? Are you coming to bed or-"
Steve gently brushes the back of his index finger under his lip and forgets to listen.
5th September 2019, Fourth Ashes Test.
211.
Double Ashes ton. Out for concussion, back in, first innings, 211.
Tim's first to grab him and hug him, and yeah, okay, Steve loves him, and it's all fucking amazing or whatever. He can't see Marnus in the room. He must be getting changed, so Steve just accepts the embrace and tries not to think too hard about where he is.
Marn finds him later anyway, before he's even gotten his gear off, just sitting there in his stall and breathing, calm and quiet, after all the noise.
"Hey, superstar," he says with a bright grin.
Steve resists the urge to roll his eyes, pulls off his helmet and stands. "You were great too," he says, nudging Marn's very solid shoulder.
Marnus just grins even bigger and presses their foreheads together. "Proud of you."
"Marn-"
"That's all. I'm just. Proud of you."
Steve's pretty much helpless in the face of that. "Couldn't have made it without your help."
"I just wanted you to know. I wouldn't be here without you either."
They stand there in the changerooms, and Steve feels calmer than he's felt since he came back to cricket. It's quiet.
20th November 2021
19:53 Tim: Sorry you had to find out this way. Please give me a chance to explain.
20:01 Joshy: Number deleted :-) House deed changed to your name.
20:02 Starcy: You've got us, Smudge.
20:02 Pat CM: Here for you, Steve.
20:03 Mitch CM: Pat said there's someone for me to punch?
20:03 Joshy: Do you want me to go get the keys from his safe :-)
20:03 JCB: Smudge? Got a call from Pat. What's happened?
20:04 Joshy: It's okay. We'll get the locks changed now
20:04 Moises: Here for you, bud. Give me a call if you feel like it.
20:04 Starcy: Don't worry, I'll keep Josh away. Call us.
20:04 Kez: Hey. I'm so sorry. Call me if you want to grab a coffee or something. I'll bring you one up.
20:05 Flip: Hi. Hoping you're okay. The Wikkie's chat is blowing up. Kez just kicked him out, no questions asked 😶
20:09 JCB: I'll be in Aus soon. We'll catch up. You're worth more than this, Steve.
20:11 JEB: Ditch the ring, Smith. Jos would never pull this shit, and you know it. You deserve better.
20:11 JCB: Okay, Joe's a bit protective, take that with a grain of salt. But still. You know you deserve better. And he's right I would never 'pull this shit.'
Steve reads all of them, humourlessly scoffs at a few of them, considers replying, drops the phone, and sits back down at the foot of the bed in his hotel room. He pointedly doesn't wonder why Marnus hasn't said anything. And he very pointedly doesn't wonder why he only feels a little betrayed and a lot resigned.
He spaces out a little bit, thinking about the last time he actually even saw Tim. And that opens up floodgates of what if he did this before, what if he did it again, what if he did it with me, I remember something about George, why am I so naïve-
His mom did always say a leopard can't change its spots. He slips the ring off his left-hand drops it down on the floor next to him. Pushes it away a little. It screeches against the floor a little, and he winces.
20:20 mstarc56 has sent you a video
Starcy never messages him on Instagram, so Steve's a little intrigued. He taps in and looks at the video. Or, more correctly, the screen recording. It's an old Instagram story, ages-old, after the 2019 ashes, four in the morning, shaky camera and all.
It's Marn's story. Of him, running down the sidewalk in the dark, awake thanks to the jetlag, high off a successful Ashes series.
With fucking Simple Plan's heart heart, heart is so jet lagged, playing in the back.
He forgot that existed.
He feels old all of a sudden, like those were the good old days old. Still, he can't stop the fond smile on his face when he hears Marn laughing in the video. Watches himself anxiously waiting at the lights to cross the road, in the grainy footage, the track still going, to the tune of going out of my head alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset it's driving me mad I miss you so bad-
And even though those lyrics should be making him feel alone and heartbroken, all he really wants is to go back to 4:46am on that night, running along the sidewalk laughing and high on an Ashes win with his best friend.
20:20 mstarc56: oh it's josh :-) I stole mitch's phone because he put mine on aeroplane mode, and I can't take it off
20:23 mstarc56: cute video tho don't you think :-)
20:24 mstarc56: fuck sorry steve
Ah. Mitch. Steve breathes a laugh through his nose. Josh might be a little batshit crazy, but he means well.
20:25 steve_smith49: yeah. thanks.
20:26 steve_smith49: doing fine. tell Patty for me. and Jos probably too
20:26 mstarc56: done.
There's a quiet knock at the door. Steve looks at his phone again. Checks for a text, missed call, Instagram message, gives up and gets up, unlocks the door.
"Uh. Hey." Marn's got a conflicted expression on his face, and Steve really wants to laugh, so he does. It's only been half an hour since his entire life's been shaken up. Half an hour, and he's laughing.
Marn grins at him. "Gonna let me in?"
"You bring any chocolate?"
"You know I did."
He's insufferable. Steve feels so goddamn lucky. He lets him in, closes the door quietly as the younger slips off his slides and takes a seat on the hotel room's couch. Makes himself comfortable.
It's just so easy.
He thinks about what to say. Opens his mouth to fill the silence, but before he can get there, Marn says, "we don't have to talk. I just figured, maybe you didn't want to ask for one of us to, I don't know. None of the guys have heard from you, and I just didn't want you to be alone?"
Steve swallows and jerks his head in a nod. "Thanks," he manages, sitting down beside Marn.
Marnus looks up at him and smiles, reaches down to Steve's ankles and pulls them into his lap, then brings out his phone with Candy Crush, and proceeds to sit there, quietly, Steve's feet in his lap, not saying a word. Finally, Steve sighs, closes his eyes and leans back into the armrest.
An unacknowledged amount of time passes by until Steve feels a slight prod to the bone of his ankle. He looks up.
"You want a shower?"
Steve grimaces. "I don't really know if I'll be able to keep my thoughts away." Marnus hums softly, stroking a soothing thumb across the thin skin extending over the top of his foot.
"C'mon, up."
"What?"
"I can keep your thoughts away."
Steve looks at him incredulously.
"Oh- god, not like that, like, I'll quiz you on leading Ashes run scorers or something," he groans. He's grinning while he says it, though.
"So you won't keep my thoughts away like that?"
Marnus laughs and pats his hip softly. "Go take a shower."
"You know you don't have to-"
"Just. Shut up and let me look after you."
"Yeah?"
"When have I ever left you to face a barrage on your own?"