Archive of Our Own

Jonathan Sims– head librarian at Magnus Lukas University– was perfectly fine on his own, thank you. He spent his days reorganizing the shelves and decluttering the archive that had fallen into disuse due to his predecessor’s lack of organizational system. He had been hired by Elias Bouchard– the last living descendant of Jonah Magnus– to revamp the library’s image and make it more usable for students and visitors to the University. The task seemed far too much for one person to take on by themself, but Jon was determined and enjoyed the solitude it brought him.

Which is why he was so upset when Elias told Jon he had hired new library assistants.

“It’s really unnecessary, Elias,” Jon said, tone almost pleading as he addressed his boss. “I know things are moving a little slower than you originally anticipated, but I’m staying later now and much more is getting done. Really, I don’t need anyone else here in the library with me.” 

Elias smiled placatingly at Jon. “I would rather not have to find a new head librarian so quickly, Jon, and you would burn out if you continued at this pace. It’s alright to accept help, especially with a task as large as this. It’s my fault for not getting you assistants earlier, which is why I’m taking the initiative now. They’ll be a great deal of use to you, I promise.”

And so Sasha James, Timothy Stoker, Melanie King, and Martin Blackwood started working in the library.

They were, much to Jon’s chagrin, incredibly helpful with the reorganization effort. Even more than that, they jumped at the chance to help patrons of the library, something Jon personally loathed but put up with because he loved his job. The library seemed to come to life with his new assistants working there, a constant buzz of chatter as they worked through their assigned sections, helping each other out and offering that same help to Jon.

“Need a hand, boss?” Tim would ask, all smiles and casual energy and truly garish button ups. 

“Oh, I can do that for you, Jon!” Sasha would say, light touches on the shoulder and quick comments and professionalism.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, Sims,” Melanie would comment, bluntness and disinterest over a layer of genuine concern.

“You’ve been staying late a lot again, Jon, is there anything I could help you with?” Martin would ask, kindness and tea and a work ethic that didn’t reflect how terrible he was at his job.

Perhaps Jon was being too harsh on Martin, though it did often seem like the other man contributed nothing but delays in getting the library reorganized. He worked hours almost as long as Jon but often seemed to produce half as much to show for it. It made anger and frustration bubble up in Jon’s chest, leaving him cold and cutting towards Martin which wasn’t what he wanted at all. Because Martin was kind. Martin was kind and considerate and for some reason had decided to direct that kindness to Jon.

And it wasn’t that the man was always kind either. Jon had seen him snap at the rude, condescending patrons before, becoming what Jon had heard Tim describe as ‘Bitch Mode Martin’. But he never directed that ire at Jon, even though Jon knew he deserved it. So he was trying to be nicer to Martin. He was trying to be nicer to all of his assistants, but especially Martin. And being nicer to his assistants often meant trouble for Jon.

“Working late again boss?” Tim asked, leaning against the doorframe in a manner that would almost seem casual if Jon didn’t know Tim well enough at this point to know he wanted something from Jon. “You know, you do have assistants for a reason, right? And that reason is so you don’t stay late like you did every day this week. And last week. And the week before that.”

“What do you want, Tim?” Jon asked, not even looking up from the pile of books he was retagging. Their barcodes had long since faded and the call numbers had fallen off what could’ve been years ago. Every day it felt like Jon found a new pile of books like this, as though they were spawning in the library just to make his life more difficult. Perhaps they were.

He only looked up when he felt Tim sitting on the corner of his desk. “You should come out with us tonight, Jon.” For all his teasing and prodding usually, Jon could tell he was being sincere. “Take a night off, away from this place, doing something other than thinking about books.”

“I do other things,” Jon argued weakly. He did, in fact, do other things. Though, as Tim pointed out, they were things that still allowed him to think about his reorganization effort. Like cooking, or crocheting, or bothering his cat. It had been quite some time since Jon thought about something other than work, and it was clear that Tim knew that. “I’ve really just got a lot to do, Tim.”

“I know, Jon,” Tim said softly, taking the book out of Jon’s hands and setting it off to the side. “But you don’t have to do everything on your own, you know that right? And you’re allowed to take breaks. You deserve to take breaks.”

It was strange having someone care about his well being. Someone other than Georgie, of course, but her caring always felt more… pointed. Direct in a way that might feel rude if he hadn’t known Georgie for as long as he did. Tim’s concern was softer, more friendly than Jon was used to. All of them, minus Melanie, had that soft edge with Jon that he never felt like he deserved. Not unless he worked harder, did more, asked for less. Then he would deserve it. “I’m really quite busy, Tim,” he said tiredly, hoping that Tim would let the conversation drop. And he did.

“What about tomorrow, then? It’s a half day here since it’s a Saturday and it’s Martin’s birthday. Will you come out with us then?”

A compromise. One that Jon felt would only come once before it turned to simply ignoring Jon in their plans to go out. So he nodded. “Tomorrow.”

***

He almost protested being dragged away from his desk the following day but upon seeing Martin’s gentle smile he relented. It was the man’s birthday after all, and that meant ice cream instead of drinks at another one of Tim’s many favorite pubs. Jon sat to Martin’s right, eating a small cup of rum and raisin and trying not  to let all of the information in his brain about emulsifiers spill out. 

“Jonathan Sims eats old man ice cream, noted,” Melanie said when she saw his flavor choice. “You know, I thought the stuffy old librarian thing was a gimmick, but this really is just how you live, huh? What on earth did Georgie see in you?”

Her words were meant to be cutting, Jon knew that, but they did contain a level of fond exasperation that Jon still wasn’t quite used to. Ever since she started dating Georgie, Melanie had softened to Jon, ever so slightly. She still didn’t like him, but she wasn’t openly hostile anymore and was, in some cases, even friendly .

He almost missed the hostility.

“I didn’t realize ice cream had an age or a gender. Will make a note of that for next time.”

“Was that a joke?” Tim asked, shock mixing with glee as he spoke. “Jonathan Sims can make jokes?”

Jon rolled his eyes, taking another bite of ice cream. “I am a human, Tim. Not some humorless automaton.”

“Two jokes! Martin, please tell me you’re also hearing this, I need to know I haven’t fallen into an ice cream coma.”

Martin patted Tim on the arm. “You’re still with us, Tim. Now come on, eat your ice cream before it melts.” Martin was staring at him in a manner that Jon instinctively wanted to call strange , as though the other man was seeing Jon for the first time. Which was a ridiculous notion, of course, since Martin had worked in the library for six months now. Still, there was a sense of wonder in Martin’s gaze that caused the slightest spark of heat to rise to Jon’s cheeks.

Tim did as he was told, though he too kept looking at Jon with a sense of bewilderment. Jon knew that he had been very professional up to this point, but he didn’t think it had gotten so bad that his colleagues thought he was, well, inhuman. He was so lost in his own head that he barely noticed the others had started heading off until it was just him and Martin at the table, with Tim shouting his goodbyes from the door before ushering Sasha away.

“Happy birthday, Martin,” Jon said, as they gathered their things to leave. Martin once again looked at him with that clear sense of wonder written on his features. “And thank you for inviting me out tonight, I’m certain spending time with your boss isn’t how you wanted to spend your birthday–”

“I like spending time with you!” Martin blurted, cheeks flushing red, just barely noticeable in the soft streetlights. “It’s… It’s nice to have you come out with us. You should do it more often.”

It was impossible for Jon to tell if this was something Martin genuinely wanted or if he felt put on the spot by Jon’s rare show of social niceties. “Perhaps if I can get some more work done in the library. As it is, I’m far too far behind to make a regular event out of something like this. It was… nice, though.”

Jon thought that would be the end of it, but then Martin grabbed his shoulder. “You… We were hired for a reason, you know. If we’re not doing enough–”

“I never said–”

“Jon. I’ve seen the piles of work you give yourself as opposed to what you give us to do,” Martin said flatly. “We want to help you, Jon. Just like we want to spend time with you. If doing a bit more work during the week means you’ll come out with us on the weekend, I’m certain everyone would pick up some extra work.”

“Even Melanie?” Jon asked, hoping his tone came off as joking as it sounded in his head. Martin’s smile seemed to indicate that it did.

“Yes, even Melanie. You’re just one person, Jon. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone.” Martin patted him on the shoulder, slightly more awkward this time than the confidence with which he had grabbed Jon before. “Just think about it, alright? And thank you for coming tonight. It was a good way to spend my birthday.”

Any words Jon could even think to stay remained locked in his throat as he waved goodbye to Martin, heading toward the bus stop that would take him home. This wasn’t the first time that Jon felt undeserving of Martin’s kindness, but it was the first time that he seriously considered taking him up on the help he had offered.

The help all of them had been offering for so long.

It was difficult for Jon to ask for help, especially when he felt that he could handle the responsibility alone. It was clear to him that he couldn’t handle it, not unless he worked himself to the early grave that Elias had warned him against, but it still felt like the job of reorganizing the library should fall solely to Jon. it didn’t matter that he was promoted to the position without being asked, or that his predecessor left the place in such a state that it would take a team twice the size of Jon’s current one to make any true headway; this was Jon’s job. He needed to do it and do it well, otherwise he was a failure.

He thought of the feeling of Martin’s hand on his shoulder. The conviction in the man’s voice as he told Jon that it was alright to ask for help. It was easy to brush Tim’s soft tone off as pity, easier still to write off his teasing tone as just that– teasing. But Martin’s conviction– firm and serious with a gentle edge that made it feel completely Martin – was much harder to brush off. 

Jon said hello to his cat– the Commander– with Martin’s words still ringing in his mind. He sat idly with the Commander before deciding to try to sleep, still unable to shake the feeling that maybe this time it was okay to get the support he needed to complete his job.

***

Any thoughts he had had about asking his assistants for further help faded away as Jon saw the truly massive pile of work on his desk. There was a note from Elias that mentioned something about a donation from the library of Jurgen Leitner, but other than that there were no instructions. The message was clear, though: enter into the library’s database, create call numbers and barcodes, put those on the books, then shelve. This was the second massive project Elias had added to Jon’s already impossible pile of work in three weeks, the last project still underway. He had given what he thought was a fair deal of that project to his assistants already and it was still being worked on; he could hardly add another project to their desks.

So Jon did what Jon did best– locked himself in his office and started entering books into the database.

Since he had taken to coming in far earlier than any of his assistants, Jon was able to get a solid two hours of work done before anyone had even arrived at the library. When the first knock at his door came around 10– an hour after the library opened and four hours after Jon had arrived– Jon was so focused on his work that he hardly heard it at all. It wasn’t until the knocks came again, more insistently this time, that Jon looked up and took stock of how much time had passed. “Come in,” he called, voice cracking from disuse. He cleared it before calling out again. “Ah, Martin, good morning.”

“Morning, Jon,” Martin said slowly, taking stock of the pile of books on Jon’s desk and three boxes scattered around it. “Did… Did we get a shipment in last night or something?” He sounded nervous, like he was waiting for Jon to snap at him or worse, give him one of the boxes to sort through.

Jon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Elias got a donation the other day it seems. Came in this morning to find this on my desk. Don’t worry, it’s being taken care of.”

Martin looked between the boxes and Jon, brow furrowed. “Jon…” He trailed off after a moment, sighing. “You’ve got assistants for a reason, you know.” The tone was joking, reminiscent of Tim, but there was an underlying sadness to it that Jon didn’t quite understand.

“My assistants are working on the Fairchild donation and reorganizing the occult studies collection. I can hardly–”

“Wait, the Fairchild donation? Occult studies collection?” 

Confusion surged through Jon’s body. “Yes, the Fairchild donation, from the start of the month. A combination of books for the art and landscaping sections and a truly vast selection of books related to physics and astronomy.” He didn’t even bother explaining the occult studies collection; Martin wasn’t the fastest worker but he wasn’t an idiot.

“Jon we’ve been done with those for at least a week now!” 

“You… have?” Jon asked, peeking behind Martin to see the piles of books on each of his assistants desks. “Then what are all–”

Now it was Martin’s turn to pinch the bridge of his nose. “The piles of books with sticky notes reading ‘Don’t touch– on going project’ in your handwriting?”

“On going– oh.” Jon’s portion of the Fairchild donation that he removed from his office, desperately needing the space but not having time to shelve anything that he had finished since he was working on other areas of the library. “I apologize for taking your desk space, I’ll get those shelved–”

Martin held up a hand, cutting Jon off before turning and leaning out the door. “Hey Tim?”

“Yes, Marto?”

“On going project piles are ready to be shelved. Can you, Sash, and Melanie start on that please?”

“Can do!”

Martin shut the door after that, looking at Jon with a confidence he hadn’t seen on the other man before. “You need to take a break.”

“I am your boss, Martin,” Jon said coldly. “And I have a great deal of work to do, so if you could please go and help your colleagues and leave me to it, it would be appreciated.” 

He expected that to be the end of it, but Martin just rolled his eyes. “You’re not shutting me out that easily. We can see you drowning in here, Jon. Drowning fully unnecessarily, I might add. It’s like I told you yesterday: we want to help you . I know you think that you can do it alone, or that you have to do it alone, but you don’t . Help isn’t something you have to earn, and even if it was you’ve definitely earned it by now. Look at you! You’ve been here for hours already, you’ll stay long after we close, just because you don’t want to ask for help from your assistants who are paid to help you. It’s starting to feel like you don’t even think we can do our jobs–”

“No!” Jon blurted. This was spiraling away from Jon faster and faster and he didn’t know what to do. The thing he thought he was doing to help was apparently hurting, both himself and his assistants, and that was unacceptable. “It’s… I know you’re all good at your jobs. That’s why you’re here after all. I just… You’re right.”

“I am?” Martin eyed him warily. He was looking at Jon cautiously, clearly expecting something to happen though Jon didn’t have a clue what.

He gestured for Martin to sit, taking note of the hesitancy in his movements as he sat across from Jon at the desk. “I… I am drowning. It’s– There’s just so much work to be done. The whole library is a mess; things misshelved, call numbers falling off, entire sections coated in dust. I was hired to fix it, to make this place more usable and organized and it’s… It’s too much. It’s too much for me to do and I didn’t want anyone else to have to carry that weight because there was no reason to drown someone else to save myself.”

Jon was trying his best to look anywhere but at Martin. He didn’t want to see the pity in the other man’s eyes or the anger at being treated poorly because Jon refused to accept help. But then Martin placed a hand on Jon’s forearm, causing him to meet Martin’s eyes. “Accepting a life ring when it’s tossed to you isn’t drowning someone else. It’s… Well, it’s actually kind of sweet of you, honestly, that you’ve taken on all this work because you didn’t want to overwork us. But Jon, you’re overworking you and under working us. You’re not going to drown us, trust me we wouldn’t let you.”

Georgie had once tried to explain to him the concept of the Oh moment. “It’s that moment when it all clicks, when a person does something or says something and you just sit there in awe, like ‘Oh. Oh I love them’ or like them or feel something towards them.” He had thought the entire concept seemed silly– who didn’t know what they were feeling towards a person before a specific moment? But here, with Martin’s hand on his arm and the utter conviction in his voice, all Jon could think was oh.  

Followed shortly by oh no .

Martin was his subordinate. Martin wasn’t even his friend , not really. Jon didn’t have any friends outside of Georgie and maybe Tim if Tim were feeling generous towards Jon. And yet here was Jon, the spark of something warming his chest as he looked at Martin and tried to let his words really sink in. He couldn’t be Martin’s romantic partner– both from a workplace ethics perspective as well as the fact that Jon was hardly worthy of being Martin’s romantic partner– but perhaps if he started making changes they could be friends. Maybe even all of them could be friends.

“I…” Words were hard to come by for Jon, brain trapped between the newfound thoughts of Martin and his desire to fix things before they broke permanently. “It would probably be best to discuss with all of you first… But I’m willing to try. If you’re all comfortable with it. I don’t want to overload anyone.”

“Just yourself,” Martin said flatly. Jon could feel his own defenses rising again before Martin shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, that was unnecessary. You… Thank you, Jon. It’s… I know how hard it can be to accept that people want to help you and that you deserve help. Honestly I kind of expected you to throw me out of here when I even suggested it, but you didn’t. And that means a lot.”

How he failed to notice himself falling for Martin before this point, Jon would never understand. It was easy enough to write off his own feelings towards Martin’s kindness as irritation at first and then guilt later on. Now, though, sitting in the middle of it all, he realized this had been coming on for some time, he just needed the push to realize it. It was as if his brain had been disconnected from his heart, only brought back online with the soft touch of Martin’s hand. He didn’t even hear what Martin said before standing up, only coming fully back online when he heard Martin say “I’m going to go grab the others, okay? Or would you rather do this tomorrow?”

“Today’s probably best,” Jon admitted. “Otherwise I would probably find a way out of it.” Guilt was starting to rise in his chest at the thought of asking for more assistance and he knew if left to fester it would take him over entirely. Martin nodded to Jon, leaving him on his own for a few minutes to gather the rest of the library’s staff. Once they were all crowded around his desk, Jon felt his confidence waning, only to rise again when he saw Martin’s gentle smile. “It has been brought to my attention that I might be overworking myself.”

Melanie snorted. “Might be?”

“This job, this library , means the world to me,” Jon continued, ignoring Melanie and focusing on Martin, refusing to let himself be shaken. “When it became too much to do alone and you all were hired, I was nervous. I thought it would lead to me being replaced by one of you, that Elias was simply testing the waters to see which of you could do my job better. So I took on more of the work than I probably should have, feeling the need to prove myself. But… But I can’t keep doing this. I… I think yesterday was the first actual break I had taken since I started here. I want to do better, to be a better boss for you all but I… I need help to do that. Of course, I don’t wish to overload anyone with work, but if I could just give you each a few more assignments then–”

Sasha held up a hand, stopping Jon in his tracks. “Jon…”

He shook his head, not ready to hear her rejection. “No, no, it’s fine. I… I thought it was asking too much to begin with. Please, just disregard this, I… Of course, if you feel a need to take it up with Elias I can’t stop you but–”

Jon was cut off once more by the feeling of Tim’s arms wrapping around him, pulling him close. “You’re really stupid for a smart guy, you know that?”

“I… What?”

“Giving us the amount of work we should’ve been doing this whole time isn’t ‘overworking’ us,” Sasha said gently. “And you have nothing to prove, not to any of us and not to Elias. We’ve all interviewed with the man, if he thought you couldn’t do it he would’ve said or fired you by now. And you’re not a bad boss, Jon. But you could be a better friend ,and you know, come out with us from time to time. Actually talk to us about not work things. Let us help you with work things and other things.”

Even Melanie was nodding at Sasha’s words. “You’re a bit stuffy and kind of a prick, but that’s just because you’re Jon not because of how you are as a boss.”

Fondness bubbled in Jon’s chest similar to how it bubbled when he was talking to Martin yesterday. There was something incredibly moving about hearing that people cared about you and wanted to help you, especially when you expected the opposite as Jon had. “Thank you all, truly. I know there are a lot of things I can do better, and I promise you I’m trying my best.”

“We know, Jon,” Tim said, smiling at him fondly. “And we’ll help you out, okay? We’re a team here after all!”

“A team,” Jon murmured, testing how the words felt in his mouth. “Yes, a team.”

***

The first week of actually giving up some of the work he had essentially hoarded for himself was more difficult than he thought it would be. Of course he trusted his assistants– they had been helpful, even when Jon hadn’t necessarily wanted their help– but there was something about dividing up the work he was given that made him feel like he had failed somehow. It didn’t matter that things, even a week in, were already running much more smoothly or that Elias had praised his leadership skills at their last meeting; all Jon felt was guilt and fear.

It definitely didn’t help things that Martin was always trying to get him to eat lunch or leave on time.

“I had tea this morning,” Jon argued, pointing to the empty cup on the corner of his desk. He was organizing one of the seven boxes of newspapers Elias had given him for the archive, trying his best to get everything organized by date so he could input it into their system later this week. “And I’ve got a lot of work to do, so I can hardly step away for food that I don’t really need.”

Martin sighed, but not the bitter frustrated sigh Jon was used to from his assistants. Rather, it seemed almost fond , like Martin wasn’t even annoyed because he expected this. “One: you can’t count the cup of tea I gave you as a meal. I’m the one who brought it, I get to decide if that counts.” Jon wanted to argue, but Martin’s terms were, in fact, fair. “Two: you definitely need food, Jon. Working on an empty stomach won’t actually make you do anything any faster. You can take half an hour away to eat a goddamn sandwich. And three–” Martin said, holding a hand up to stop Jon before he could protest. “I know you’ve been here since six and likely won’t leave at seven with the rest of us, so the least you can do is take a short break and eat something. If not for you then do it for my peace of mind.”

“Your peace of mind?” Jon asked, relenting and getting up to grab his jacket. He hadn’t thought to bring anything in with him, so used to working through his lunch break, and would have to run out to get something. To his surprise, Martin grabbed his jacket as well, joining Jon on his walk to the university’s cafe. 

“Yes, my peace of mind. It’s concerning to think of the hours you usually keep, especially when I don’t know that you eat dinner. At least let me see you partake in one meal, so I know I don’t have to worry as much.” 

If you had told Jon a month ago that he would be having lunch of his own volition with Martin Blackwood, he would’ve scoffed. If you followed that up with the fact that Martin would tell Jon he worried about him, Jon would’ve rolled his eyes. If you continued on this train and told Jon that this revelation would make his heart race and cheeks heat up, he would’ve called you a fool. And yet here he was, sitting across from Martin in the crowded university cafe, eating a surprisingly decent sandwich and wondering wildly if Martin could hear his heart rate pick up.

“I’ll have to try my best not to continue to worry you then,” Jon said far more confidently than he felt. It bordered too close to flirting in his mind, something he decidedly couldn’t do– especially not with Martin. There was part of him that wanted to retract his statement, but Martin just smiled.

“See to it that you do,” he teased. “Can’t spend all my time worrying about my boss, you know. I don’t get paid enough for that.”

The fact that Martin felt comfortable enough to joke with Jon– especially after the coldness he had treated Martin with before– made something in Jon’s brain sing proudly. 

Tim and Sasha were both staring with wide eyes when Jon and Martin returned. Jon had been nodding along happily to Martin discussing a dog he had seen recently when he noticed the stares of his other assistants. They didn’t say anything though, just sharing a look with Jon and with each other. Jon decided not to question it, allowing himself to be distracted by Martin once again.

And if he started having lunch with Martin every day, well, that was his business.

***

It was truly shocking how much more productive Jon felt now that he didn’t have at least seven ongoing projects on his desk at one time. It’s much easier to power through two, maybe three, different tasks at one given time than the truly impossible mound of work he had been giving himself before. Jon was actually able to finish work on time now, leaving the library at seven with the others instead of staying into the early hours of the morning and passing out at his desk only to wake up before six and start working all over again.

It was a Sunday night and the library was closed the following day due to a bank holiday and Tim was trying his best to drag Jon out for drinks. “You can’t even say that you have too much work to do, I know you finished everything on your desk this afternoon!”

Jon had indeed finished his allotted pile of work for the day, though there were still plenty of other things he could get started on or take over from his assistants. But at the same time he knew that part of relinquishing the projects he had already was to get to spend more time with the others as friends rather than as a boss. “I… Fine. Just this once.” Jon said, though he knew in his heart he would be talked into going out with them again. Despite all his earlier reservations, he truly liked the people he worked with. Even Melanie, with her sharpness and snark, had been someone Jon had grown almost fond of, though he did attribute that more to spending time with her and Georgie than he did to working with her.

As it would turn out, it was just himself, Tim, and Sasha going out that evening. Melanie had a date with Georgie planned and Martin muttered something about his mother before heading off to the bus. There was part of Jon that wished Martin was also going out with them this evening, but he fought it down. That was far more than was appropriate to think about one’s subordinate after all. Sasha shot him a curious look as he waved goodbye to Martin, as though she understood something Jon didn’t. 

Knowing Sasha, it was entirely possible.

Through sheer luck, they managed to secure a booth at the pub though Tim was insisting it was because he came into the establishment all the time. As he left to get the first round of drinks, Sasha placed her elbows on the table, resting her head on her knuckles and leaning towards Jon eagerly. “So, Martin?”

“What about him?”

“You’ve been much nicer to him lately,” Sasha said, clearly trying to pull something out of Jon.

He had been nicer to Martin lately. In his defense, though, he had been nicer to all of them. Not drowning in work made it much easier to refrain from snapping at people. The added benefit of actually sleeping probably helped as well, though he would never admit to not sleeping before even if his assistants knew he hadn’t been sleeping. It was just easier with Martin lately, easier to see his kindness as just that– kindness . There was no cloying pity, not even after seeing Jon break down under the weight of his own expectations. Just Martin, bringing in a cup of tea and smiling at Jon, and Jon, trying his best to smile back while thanking Martin for the tea. Sometimes they might even talk, for a moment or two, about a particularly weird piece for the archive or about how the Commander was doing. 

It had clearly taken him too long to reply, however, as he noticed the smile on Sasha’s face growing even larger. “What?”

“First round is up!” Tim yelled, breaking through whatever moment he and Sasha were silently having. “Cider for Sasha, red wine for Jon, and a beer for me. So, what are we talking about?”

“Nothing–”

“Just Jon and Martin,” Sasha said at the same time, leaning back in her seat, still grinning at Jon. 

Before he could protest that there was nothing to talk about, Tim seemed to pick up on whatever invisible thread Sasha was pulling at. “He’s been much nicer to Martin lately, hasn’t he?”

“I’ve been nicer to all of you!” Jon spluttered before taking a big gulp from his wine glass. “I truly don’t know what you’re trying to get at, Sasha. Things were… Challenging when you all started. For all of us. But I’m trying my best to be better.”

The teasing look in Sasha’s eyes softened. She reached a hand out to Jon, grabbing his fingers loosely. “Hey. We know, Jon. It’s… You’re doing a lot better. Truly. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to say anything like this to you a month ago, right Tim?”

Tim nodded. “Yeah, boss, the teasing means it’s working, I promise.” His features had softened too, like the sharpness of teasing truly had melted away for the moment.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Jon said softly, eyes focused on his wine glass rather than his companions. “It’s… I don’t want to make things more difficult for you all. Not again.”

“And we won’t let you,” Tim said easily. “Trust me, Jon, if you ever get that bad again I’ll be the first to let you know. You can relax, boss. We know you care.” Jon did find himself relaxing at Tim’s words. They knew he cared and that meant more to him than he could possibly say. He was trying to figure out the best way to express this sentiment when Tim spoke up again. “But we are going to tease you about Martin. It’s just a part of friendship, boss.”

The best thing to do would be to feign ignorance. Sasha and Tim didn’t need to know how he felt about Martin. They didn’t need to know about the moment his brain let loose the thoughts he had been keeping locked away since they all started working at the library. And they certainly didn’t need to know that Jon was starting to look forward to work not because he took pride in what he was doing but because that was where he got to see Martin. No, it would be best that Tim and Sasha didn’t know this. These were things that Jon should keep to himself.

“I suppose that’s fair,” he said instead, recognizing his mistake the minute Sasha leaned back forward and Tim choked on his beer. “I mean–”

“Nope! Can’t take it back now, Jon!” Tim exclaimed, coughing slightly as he set his pint back down. “I didn’t think he’d actually admit it, did you Sash?”

Sasha shook her head. “I don’t even think he meant to. But you owe us details now, I hope you know.”

Jon slammed the last of his wine, looking at the mostly finished state of his companion’s glasses. “I’m going to go get us another round.”

Tim grabbed his arm as he tried to stand up. “Not getting away that easily, Sims. Sasha, would you be a dear and grab the next round please? I’ll make sure the bossman doesn’t run off.” Tim got up so Sasha could scoot out of the booth, still keeping his hand around Jon’s arm. “I can’t believe that worked, honestly. Friendship will have you admit to anything, huh?”

There was an underlying current of fear that took over at Tim’s words. Were they just saying they were his friends to get information out of him? Information that they could use to make fun of or belittle him? Logically Jon knew this wasn’t the case, but doubt had crept in and he found it hard to focus on anything but that creeping sensation that they didn’t actually care. Something in his face must’ve given this away, though, because Tim let him go. “That came out badly. We’re… You’re our friend, Jon. Regardless of what you tell us or don’t. And if you’re uncomfortable, we’ll back off, I promise.”

“Your comfort means more than the gossip does,” Sasha said as she returned, setting down a selection of cocktails in front of them. “Of course, if you want to share, we’re all ears. But like Tim said, we’re your friends no matter what, okay?”

Jon was starting to wonder if there was such a thing as a platonic oh moment. The surge of emotion flooding his brain right now was similar to that moment in his office a month ago when he really felt like he was seeing Martin, but it was a bit different. This time it really felt like Tim and Sasha were seeing him , like he was being perceived in a way that really truly mattered. He felt cared about, more than he had in years, and that crashed into his chest and made him want to pull these people closer to him so they could share in this moment of genuine joy as he realized what they meant to him and what he meant to them. 

“There’s really not much to tell,” Jon said instead, hoping that this admission would convey all the things he couldn’t say. “I… I care for Martin. Probably more than a boss should care for their employee, but… It hit me suddenly, after his birthday. And as I started sharing the load more, he came to see me more and it made me feel… Warm. I think that’s the best way to describe it. But other than that, there isn’t really much to say.”

He had clearly said enough, though, since both Sasha and Tim were all but cooing at him. “You’re really just a big softy when you’re not working, huh boss?”

The need to defend himself, to put a wall that had crumbled just then back up to protect himself, rose in Jon but he fought it back. While he didn’t think of himself as soft , per se, he could definitely see how Tim came to that conclusion. “Don’t make me fire you, Tim,” Jon remarked flatly, barely managing to keep a straight face before the first peel of laughter escaped his chest at Tim’s appalled face. 

“You couldn’t fire us, you like us too much,” Sasha teased. She, of course, was right. He did like them, quite a lot more than he had ever intended to.

***

Jon had just entered the last new item into the library’s search system when there was a soft knock on the door. “Come in.”

“You still working?” Martin asked as he peeked his head around the door. He had taken to coming to check on Jon towards the end of the day, making sure he was finished so they could walk to the bus together. Jon shook his head, waving for Martin to come in. “Just finishing up then?”

“Just finished , really. I think all of our books are actually searchable now,” Jon said, placing the last book into its box so he could shelve everything tomorrow. “I’m sure Elias will bring another load of books down soon enough, but for now I think we’ve caught up on everything we needed to.”

It didn’t feel possible when he first got to the library. Between Elias’s new editions and donations that he was constantly bringing down and the general state of disarray the library had been in, Jon expected to die at his desk before even making a dent in the work. But everything had been refiled and entered properly into their database, at least for the time being. They still had to work on the archive and all of the old papers and records that it held, but the library proper was sorted. Jon felt the tension leaving his shoulders, ever so slightly, for the first time since he started working at Magnus Lukas University.

Martin, for his part, grinned at Jon. “Well, this calls for a celebration, doesn’t it? Tim, Sash, and Melanie just left, but we might be able to catch them if we leave now. They definitely haven’t made it off campus yet.”

Gathering his things to run after his friends would make sense; after all, they all contributed heavily to the reorganization of the library and deserved to revel in their achievement. “No point running after them now,” Jon said instead, slowly getting up to gather his things. “I’ll bring in breakfast for everyone tomorrow. There is a new sushi place I’ve been saving for a special occasion, though, would you care to accompany me?”

It was only after he extended the invitation that Jon realized how it could be construed as inappropriate or unprofessional, especially given his feelings for Martin. Before he could backtrack, Martin nodded. “That sounds great, Jon! Just let me shut my computer out real quick and I’ll be ready to go.”

Martin was gone again before Jon could truly process what had happened. Obviously it wasn’t a date. Not only would that be highly inappropriate but also Jon hadn’t asked like it was a date. It was simply a celebratory meal between friends, nothing more.

So why did it feel like it could be so much more?

They walked to the bus together like they did every evening but instead of Martin getting off after about twenty minutes, they rode into the city together, closer to Jon’s apartment. If you asked Jon what they talked about on that bus ride, he would’ve guessed whale facts (and been incorrect) but he couldn’t have told you for certain. His heart was racing at the thought that this seemed all too much like a date but it couldn’t be because Martin didn’t want that and Jon couldn’t want that. He barely noticed them getting to the bus stop at all, almost missing the stop completely.

“You’re pretty lost in your head today, huh?” Martin joked as they got to the restaurant. “Already planning the next phase of reorganization?”

For the first time in his life, Jon honestly wasn’t thinking about work. Usually sporadic thoughts of the library ran through his head at all times in line with whatever else he was thinking about, but right now the work focused part of his brain was silent. It was as though the only thing he could think about was Martin, the man’s presence finally loud enough to drown out the siren call of work now that Jon had finished his first major project in the library. “Would you believe me if I said no?”

Martin looked faintly amused at that, opening his mouth to comment before being cut off by the arrival of the waiter. They placed their order, passing their menus back, and Martin returned his attention to Jon. “No offense, Jon, but I’ve never known you to think about anything other than work.”

“Yes, it’s quite the surprise for me as well,” Jon admitted sheepishly, looking more at the table than at Martin. He drummed his fingers nervously on the tabletop, only stopping when Martin placed a hand on his arm.

“What’s got you so focused then?”

You, you, always you. How could it be anything other than you? There was no way to express that thought, though, so Jon lied. “Trying to pick a breakfast to bring in for all of you. To celebrate your excellent work in helping me in the library and… and to thank you all for being so patient with me.”

“I don’t know, Jon, that still sounds like thinking about work to me,” Martin teased, putting his hand back on Jon’s arm and rubbing soothing circles into his skin with his thumb. “You know, you’ve already apologized and explained yourself. Multiple times, in fact. It’s not… We appreciate it, Jon, we really do, but you don’t need to keep beating yourself up over it. We’re a team. It took some adjusting, but we’re there now, you know?”

Almost as if recognizing the inherent intimacy of his action, Martin drew his hand back, looking flustered. Jon’s heart panged but he elected to ignore it, fiddling with his chopsticks instead. “I know I just… I don’t want things to get that bad again. I want to be someone worthy of helping.”

Many emotions flickered across Martin’s face at that, one of which looked far too close to pity for Jon’s liking before melting into something akin to a fond sadness. “You don’t need to be worthy in order to receive help. I mean, it is our literal job after all,” he chuckled awkwardly, hesitating as the waiter arrived to set their plates down. Once they left, Martin continued again, looking more intensely at Jon than Jon would’ve liked. “But more than that, Jon, you’re our friend. Even when you’re snippy and overworking yourself, you’re still someone we care about. Not because you’re worthy but because we like you, ridiculous filing system and all.”

“That is Elias’s filing system, thank you very much!” Jon snapped, no real heat behind his words. He found laughter escaping his lips in tandem with Martin’s laughter, a real, genuine smile on Jon’s face as he looked at Martin in the soft lights of the restaurant. “You’re… You’re my friend, too, you know that right? And you know that I value your friendship?”

Surprised flickered across Martin’s face in a way that caused dread to pool in Jon’s chest before the look softened. “I did know that, Jon, but it’s nice to hear anyway. I… Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you be this open about your feelings before? Tim must be rubbing off on you.”

I would talk about whatever you wanted me to if it meant you kept looking at me like that , Jon thought, picking up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks so he would have something to do with his hands. “Yes, well, don’t let him know that. He’d never let me live it down.” Martin snorted at that, starting to pick up his own sushi. They ate in comfortable silence for a little bit before Jon dared to break it again. “Thank you, Martin. For what you said before and for joining me tonight.”

Martin smiled that warm, bright smile of his. “It’s my pleasure, Jon.”

***

“So what’s going on with you and Martin then?” Melanie asked as she let Jon into her and Georgie’s flat. Georgie had insisted Jon start coming over more now that he didn’t have the excuse of working late to cover him. Before Jon could even think to argue it, Melanie corrected course. “Or, I should say, what’s going on with you towards Martin. Because you’ve been acting differently around him but that doesn’t mean it’s some kind of mutual thing happening.”

“Am I really so obvious?” Jon muttered, thinking back to his previous outings with Tim and Sasha.

Melanie snorted. “Jon you went from all but hating the man to doing the most blatant overcorrection I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be doing more at work and happier that you’re being less of an arse than usual but still, everyone can see the way you’ve been looking at Martin lately. I mean, hell, Jon, this all started because Martin said something to you, though he refuses to say what. And I’ve been around you long enough to remember the time when you wouldn’t have taken Martin’s opinion on the weather seriously, let alone his thoughts on your work ethic. So what’s up then?”

Under the right circumstances, Jon could admire Melanie’s bluntness. It was especially handy when dealing with unruly library patrons and handier still when Jon felt himself slipping back into old habits. But there were certain conversations he didn’t want to have with Melanie of all people, so to have her lay his actions out and read them so easily made him tense. There would be no way to escape her questions.

“Did you start asking questions without me?” Georgie called as she entered the flat with their pizza. “You didn’t even wait until the man had either pizza in hand or Admiral in lap? A bold tactic, King.” Georgie kissed Melanie on the top of the head as she set down the pizza box, setting out to find her cat. 

“Sometimes direct action is needed. You would’ve coddled him too much,” Melanie retorted, though Jon could see the soft smile on her face as she looked at Georgie. 

Georgie returned with the Admiral in hand, depositing the fluffy cat onto Jon’s lap before taking her seat beside Melanie and throwing an arm around her. “ I would’ve lulled him into a false sense of security. He would’ve told us whatever we wanted to know without even realizing he was doing it. It works like a charm every time, I’m telling you.”

“I am still here you know,” Jon grumbled. The Admiral settled in his lap, looking up at Jon and meowing his demand for pats. “You would never talk about me like I’m not in the room, would you Admiral?” The Admiral purred contently as Jon gently stroked his back. At least he had someone on his side, even if that someone was a cat who could not speak.

“So are you going to tell us what’s going on or what?” Melanie asked again, ignoring Georgie’s muttered protests that they needed to ease him into it. “Because between the lunches together and getting the bus together and the sushi date–”

“Who on earth told you about that?” To Jon’s knowledge, Melanie and Martin were friendly but she wouldn’t be the first person he would run to post dinner with his boss. Especially since there was nothing to tell since it was decidedly not a date. 

Melanie smirked as if Jon had played right into her hand and confirmed everything she needed to know. “Martin told Tim who told Sasha who told me. Which led to me telling Tim that he can’t keep leaving me out of office gossip just because he’s known Sasha longer than he’s known me. It’s hardly fair that I have to be the last person to find out about things every time –”

Georgie cleared her throat, stopping Melanie’s little tirade. “What she means to say is, everyone knows you went on a date already so you may as well give us the details. And it’s only fair that Melanie gets the details first since she’s always the last to know, right?”

There were many ways he could go about this. The first that sprung to mind was to point out that Georgie’s logic made no sense, deflecting in that way so that she would get riled up defending herself but that would only work for so long before the topic was brought back to Jon. He could try and lie his way out of it, saying that he hadn’t gone out for sushi with Martin at all, but that could lead to Melanie choosing to interrogate Martin instead and he didn’t want Martin to think he didn’t want the others knowing they spent extra time together. “It wasn’t a date,” he settled on, trying his best to keep his voice calm and steady. The presence of the Admiral, still purring away on his lap, helped in this regard. “I was going to get sushi to celebrate our completion of the library reorganization and invited Martin to join me.”

“So what, Martin gets a sushi date while the rest of us get breakfast the following day?” Melanie snarked, rolling her eyes. “From what I’ve heard– both from you and from what Sasha heard from Tim who heard from Martin– it was a date. And if it wasn’t that means Martin got two meals for no reason which is hardly fair, now, is it, Jonathan?”

“It wasn’t a date!” Jon insisted yet again before letting Melanie’s words catch up with him. “Wait, did Martin think it was?” That was… probably not good, Jon decided. It was definitely a violation of library rules for Jon to have gone on a date with his subordinate, even if he didn’t intend to. Or, at least, Jon assumed it would be a violation of library rules because, at the very least, it would create a power imbalance that Elias definitely wouldn’t want to deal with the fallout from should things go poorly. Then again, Elias was not known to be the most ethical man, nor was his many greats grandfather who founded the university. Either way, it would probably be best for Jon to explain to Martin that it hadn’t been a date, not that Jon would’ve been opposed , of course, but it’s a professionalism thing and–

Melanie threw a pillow at him. “Oi! Don’t go running off into your head again, Sims, it’s hard enough to get you back out of there.”

“It wasn’t a date. It can’t have been a date,” Jon said, feeling shaky all of a sudden. The Admiral, who had wiggled slightly upon Melanie’s pillow assault, settled back into Jon’s lap, meowing demands for pets once more. He absentmindedly ran his hand through the cat’s fur, allowing it to ground him. “I’ll… I’ll just have to explain to Martin that it can’t have been a date, that’s all.”

“Why couldn’t it have been a date?” Georgie asked softly, using that gentle, leading tone that Jon knew she used when she was trying to calm his spiraling thoughts. “I mean, you like him. And he apparently likes you enough to think that it could’ve been a date. So why can’t it have been?”

Jon looked at Georgie incredulously. “Because I’m his boss.” The last thing Jon would want to do would be to contribute to a less than stellar workplace for Martin once again, and having feelings for his subordinate would definitely create problems in the workplace. It didn’t matter that Martin might feel the same, the issues with it were too great to risk. 

“There’s nothing in the employee handbook about dating,” Melanie said casually, reaching for another slice of pizza. “And Elias is hardly one to comment on any workplace relationships given the fact that he’s married and divorced the university’s largest funder multiple times over the past decade.”

“Even if there’s nothing in the handbook, that doesn’t mean it’s– Wait what do you mean about Elias?” For once in his life, Jon wasn’t actually deflecting. Rather, his brain simply caught on to the piece of information about their boss and wouldn’t let go until the thought was satisfied. 

Melanie held up a finger, urging Jon to wait as she pulled out her phone. After what felt like an absurd amount of scrolling to Jon, she passed it to him showing a picture of some documents it seemed that Sasha had found. Multiple marriage licenses and divorce certificates for Elias Bouchard and Peter Lukas were found in the assistant’s text chat, coupled with various expletive texts from Melanie and cryptic emoji usage from Tim. “I suppose they don’t call it Magnus Lukas University for no reason.”

Georgie dissolved into giggles while Melanie barked out a laugh, taking her phone back from Jon. “If Elias can do that, you can definitely date Martin,” Melanie stated, leaving no room for argument. “That man has no leg to stand on when it comes to ethics or HR.”

“Technically Lukas doesn’t work at the University–” Melanie shot Jon a vicious glare, cowing him immediately. “But I suppose I do see your point. Even still, though, we don’t know that Martin would want to date me.”

It looked like Melanie was getting ready to throw something at him again, but Georgie stopped her. “You know you’re allowed to let yourself be loved right? And that people do love and care about you? I’ve only met Martin a couple times, but it’s clear to see the man fancies you, Jon. I could see that from the first moment I met him, for christ’s sake. Just… Don’t beat yourself down before even asking, you know?”

If there was one thing Jon had learned since he started spending more time with his assistants it was that he was cared for. He was liked and valued, even when he didn’t feel deserving of it. They breathed a new life into him, a life that felt worth living for the first time and it was because they cared for him and he cared for them. On that level, he understood exactly what Georgie was saying; these people were his friends, regardless of what he believed about himself. And maybe– just maybe– he could allow himself to hope for more with Martin. 

Maybe.

***

It took a week of building up momentum for Jon to finally do something, but he got there in the end. The rest of the assistants were packing up for the day, preparing to usher in the weekend and reveling in the fact that they wouldn’t be required to come in this weekend; Elias had moved them to simply maintaining the archive and organizational system, hiring a new team of people to work the check-out and information desks rather than their small crew of five. This meant regular weekends off now, something the others were reveling in but Jon was silently mourning the weekends he used to spend with Martin. 

But perhaps that could change.

“Martin, can I talk to you for a moment?” Jon called from the doorway to his office. Sasha, Melanie, and Tim looked confused, though he saw the moment it all clicked in Sasha’s head as she ushered the others out with a cheery wave and a wink at Jon. 

“Is everything alright?” Martin asked as he took a seat in Jon’s office. Six months ago, Martin would’ve looked much more nervous to be sitting across from Jon; he would’ve been fidgeting, looking anywhere but Jon’s face as he waited for Jon to scold or worse as he did when Martin first started. Now, though, Martin sat comfortably, looking like he belonged there in Jon’s space, an easy smile on his face as he waited for whatever it was Jon had to say. Gone were the days of fidgeting and looking over his shoulder every other minute, as if planning an escape. “You’re not thinking of working through the weekend, are you? I’d usually be happy to help with whatever, but I’m supposed to get drinks with Tim and–”

Jon shook his head, silently drumming his fingers on his thigh. “I– No, but thank you, Martin. I… I don’t plan to work through the weekend anymore, not since I don’t have to. The amount of extra questions I got on Sundays…” he shuddered at the thought of another undergrad asking where a clearly labeled section of the library was. “I wanted to talk to you about last week.”

Martin quirked his head to the side. “Last week?”

“Yes, last week after we finished up the library project. I fear I may have acted… Inappropriately by taking you to dinner.” This was partially true. Ever since Melanie had told him Martin may have considered it a date, Jon had been wrestling with whether or not this had been an appropriate action to take even if Jon had meant it platonically. Of course, he did hope that perhaps things could be less platonic between the two of them, but that all hinged on whether or not Martin found his original action inappropriate. 

He could almost see the gears turning in Martin’s head as Martin attempted to piece together what Jon was dancing around. “Jon, are you talking about taking me to dinner?” Martin asked slowly, as if each word were only dawning on him as he was saying them. Jon nodded, not trusting his own voice, waiting for Martin to continue. “Did… Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Jon blurted, wanting to reach out to reassure Martin but unsure of his own actions in the moment. He didn’t want to make Martin uncomfortable, or make this situation worse for him. “I just… Because of… There were some… Feelings at play. That I wasn’t necessarily acting on, but could skew the interaction into the realm of impropriety and I just wanted to… Touch base with you. To make sure things were okay and that you didn’t feel upset about the situation in any way.”

Martin stared almost blankly at Jon as silence fell over the two of them, the only sound being the ticking of the clock that seemed infinitely louder as Jon waited to hear what Martin had to say. “Honestly, Jon, I’m kind of confused,” Martin said finally. “I… Did you not mean to ask me on a date?” 

So Martin had thought it was a date. The confirmation was good, especially since it didn’t seem that he was upset at the thought of it being a date. “I hadn’t no,” Jon admitted sheepishly, panic surging in his chest as he saw Martin’s face crumple. “Not because I don’t like you! Because I do, quite a lot in fact, but I just… Why would I ask you on a date when I’m certain you would say no, you know? Or, clearly you don’t since you thought I had asked you on a date which means you would’ve said yes, but I had never even dreamed that that would be a possible outcome and–”

“You like me?” Martin asked almost reverently. “Like… in a friend way or–”

“Martin I would go so far as to say that I’m halfway in love with you, decidedly not in a friend way. You…” Jon sighed, leaning back in his chair, trying desperately to grasp at the right words in his brain. “I treated you poorly, I know. And I apologize for that again, I just… So much of my life was spent with me convinced that I had to be able to do it alone. I needed to be able to support myself by myself because no one would be around to support me. Alone meant that I was doing well, that I was living life in the manner I should be. But that wasn’t living. No, living is what I felt when I started being friends with you. It was warmth and companionship and trust , trust that I could stumble and fall and be helped back up. I don’t know when or why, but I know that I care about you and that, given time, I could easily love you. If you wanted that, that is, obviously if you are uncomfortable in any way you can bring this up with Elias and–”

Martin placed his hand on Jon’s arm, warm and reassuring, stopping him in his tracks once more.

This, Jon knew, was how it all started. The feeling of Martin’s hand on his skin, the softness in Martin’s eyes as he looked at Jon, the thudding of Jon’s heart in his chest. When it happened all those months ago, he found himself wanting it to happen again and again and again forever. And here it was, happening again, like it was the easiest imaginable thing for Martin to do. “Would you like to go for dinner, Jon? As a date, to be clear. Because I like you quite a lot as well and can see myself falling in love with you too. What do you say?”

“I would like that quite a lot,” Jon choked out, standing up to grab his coat only to be cut off by Martin pulling Jon into his arms. He had hugged Martin before, usually short things for goodbyes like he did with all the others but this was different. This wasn’t a goodbye, wasn’t a brief hug between friends who would see each other tomorrow. This was an embrace, this was Jon burying his face in Martin’s chest and feeling like he belonged. This was a beginning, a beginning for the both of them. 

Together.