Work Text:
turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
TG: whats up bitches
TG: guess whos back
TG: back again
CA: so im guessin you watched those eminem videos i linked you
CA: what did you think of earth rap artists
TG: i think that your culture is awful and i am stupider for having been subjected to it
CA: whatEVER you and i both know you ate up that white rapper shit
TG: what significance is it that hes white
TG: is that like a caste thing for you guys
CA:…
CA: uh not strictly speaking
CA: but like white people arent usually know for their skills lyrical
TG: okay chalk that up to another thing humans do that almost makes sense but then doesnt
TG: on the list already religion sexuality the distribution of wealth and democracy
CA: obviously you dont know SHIT about the human race
CA: look ive been being nice to you on account of you being really bad at your job
CA: ive practically held your hand through this whole trolling bullshit
TG: no you havent thats what i want you to think
CA: LIES
CA: admit it, you would be completely fuckin lost if it werent for me
CA: remember your first pitiful trolling attempts
CA: yo yo yo attention pitiful human
CA: imma bout to get personal like youre on a show named Truman
CA: got your whole life up on my plasma
CA: hate to break it to you son but you HAS na
CA: chance of survival
CA: cause im your number one rival
CA: dropping bombs like a zealot
CA: hoping you feel lots
TG: oh god are you just copy pasting our old chat logs word for word
CA: of pain bitch i make it rain
TG: okay stop this is painful to read
CA: (how do you think it felt to have to read this shit the first time?!)
CA: red hot on your head
CA: wish you were dead
TG: okay i was being ironic with those first trolls
CA: no you werent
CA: thats what makes it funny
CA: you were trying so hard to impress
TG: okay no you are misinterpreting this
CA: maybe you were nervous
CA: or maybe this was your weird alien way of hitting on me
TG: what
CA: i understand i mean i am a hot piece or real estate
TG: no
TG: just no
CA: and i dont know how to break this to you but i am just not into alien guys
TG: oh hell no
TG: okay on the long list of things that are wrong with everything you just said
TG: i am projectile vomiting at the thought of courting your dank human ass
TG: seriously i just became a super sprinkler of bile at the idea
CA: nah you know you want me
TG: second do not assign me one of your human genders its gross
CA: wait are you not a guy
TG: no thats a stupid assumption you made because your inferior human think pan has to assign genders to everything
TG: like most of your languages even have to assign gender to inanimate objects
TG: its dumb
CA: so wait how does troll gender work
TG: i dont know its not a big fucking deal over here
TG: its actually kind of an outdated thing like having one of your human bar mitzvahs or whatever
TG: its like some trolls want a gender and yeah thats nice for them but mostly people dont give a fuck
CA: huh
TG: yeah so thats how it goes
TG: so like i dont even care call me whatever you want because your language is stupid and i guess as long as we are communicating in it some of the stupidity is unavoidable
CA: wow okay
CA: so like i guess that whole gender tangent was just you trying to distract me from the REAL subject at hand.
CA: which is how you very much so want in my human pants
TG: jegus you just dont stop
CA: all im saying is that i guess im flattered by this constant attention but i am JUST NOT INTERESTED
TG: okay seriously how far is your head up your ass
TG: like should i send a search and rescue team
CA: although i mean i guess if you wanted to cyber a little that would be okay
TG: stop no
CA: ill go first
CA: *pulls of shirt*
TG: do not want
CA: *blushes and bats eyes at you*
TG: thats it fuck the mission i have had enough of your self centered romantic bullshit
turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked calligulasAquarium [CA]!
CA: heheh
CA: sucker
CA: cant believe he actually fell for that