Work Text:
'I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you'
Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse
They say these things happen when you least expect them and He Tian can say, with all honesty and sincerity, that he never saw this coming.
He Tian is in love.
This has never happened before. This feeling is completely foreign to him. He hasn't felt anything akin to love or affection in years. His long lost puppy is the last creature he felt any semblance of fondness for and that feels like it was a lifetime ago now.
Since he was old enough to understand something as complex as attraction, He Tian has known that he is gay. There was never any question, he didn't go through any crisis – it was just a simple fact. And just as sure as he is of his sexuality he is equally sure that his family will not approve. That doesn't concern him at all though, if there is one thing He Tian doesn't care to have – it is his family's approval. Besides, he gets a twisted little sense of pleasure knowing that it would drive his brother and father insane if they knew. He looks forward to dealing with the parade of women they will most likely introduce him to in the near future. He can imagine it now, perfect little dolls with their flawless porcelain skin and shiny, perfectly styled hair. They will be every man's dream, their wildest fantasy come true.
But not He Tian's.
None of it will matter. They can put the most beautiful woman in front of him and he will never have a reaction any stronger than a passing appreciation for her beauty. There will never be anything deeper, no matter how they try.
Beauty isn't what catches his eye anyway.
At least not in the conventional sense.
The soft, feminine curves and floral scented skin do nothing to rouse him. He wonders what these hypothetical women will say when he tells them the scandalous truth, when he leans close and whispers in their ear that he likes men. He can already hear their awkward laughs and attempts to brush it off as a joke but it's not. It's the genuine truth and He Tian has no intentions of living a lie, he refuses to do so.
While he doesn't care for conventional beauty, there is someone who gets his blood singing in his veins and makes him feel alive. With a scowl vicious enough to terrify just about anyone in their school, a shock of red hair atop his head and long, gangly limbs – Mo Guan Shan is the true center of He Tian's universe. He's gorgeous. He Tian will say it in every language he knows to express himself, the boy is absolutely stunning.
He Tian has been enamored, enthralled, obsessed and preoccupied with Mo Guan Shan since the day they met. His free time is spent fantasizing the perfect dates they could go on. Maybe they would see a movie, have dinner and watch the sunset together. He laughs at the thought because it's ludicrous, Mo Guan Shan would never cooperate. Maybe just a game of basketball and some take away then? That seems more realistic.
Still, Tian dreams of showering the other boy in all of the opulence and luxury he has never experienced or known. Things that He Tian finds boring or trivial, things he doesn't give a second thought to would be new and exciting for Mo and he wants to experience that sense of wonder through Mo's eyes. He wants to give Mo Guan Shan the world.
He doesn't have enough fingers and toes to count all of the things he adores about the fiery redhead. He loves his attitude, his anger, his filthy mouth. He loves that he's not fake or a cheat. He loves that Guan Shan is not afraid of darkness... something He Tian's life has in abundance. He loves the way his brow relaxes by just a fraction when he's daydreaming. He loves the way Mo's thin shoulders feel beneath the weight of his arm when he slings it across them. He loves Mo's defiance and his lack of respect for authority figures of all kinds.
His love doesn't care for He Tian but he does care for money and for now, that suits He Tian just fine. Money is something he has a plentiful supply of but the goal is to add He Tian's name to that short list of things Mo Guan Shan cares about.
That list currently consists of:
His mother
Money
Sandwiches
In that order.
Most of all, he loves that Mo Guan Shan is not the least bit impressed by him. Initially, this is what attracted him to the other boy. He Tian is somewhat of a darling in their school, popular with both the guys and the girls. People generally tend to gravitate toward him and he finds it easy to cultivate friendships with others with a single, noteworthy exception.
Mo Guan Shan.
In fact, their first interactions were a bit like gasoline meeting an open flame – explosive.
Obviously he wasn't pleased that Mo fought his friends but they may never have met if not for that moment. A true blessing in disguise, he muses to himself.
Doodles of Mo litter his schoolwork and notebooks. Often times, he finds himself underwhelmed with his lessons and he turns his attentions to his next work of art. He's no artist but he thinks his rendition of Mo is pretty spot on. In the back of his mind, he thinks he should feel some degree of humiliation because he's acting like a starry eyed school girl but it's just a passing thought.
With little to occupy his mind, his imagination runs completely unchecked. He thinks about what their future might look like. Mo could move in with him and cook him dinner every night. He could take them on extravagant vacations. Most of all, he could provide Mo with the love and safety he doesn't seem to have now.
A wistful smile settles on his face as he ponders the endless possibilities of a future wide open and waiting for them. Unfortunately, as it stands, Mo Guan Shan is not on the same page as He Tian - at least not yet.
He Tian has been chasing after Guan Shan for months and has made very little progress. He supposes it's an improvement that Mo doesn't immediately curse him out or hit him on sight anymore. Other than that, not much development has been made in their relationship. Even though, every day sees He Tian falling even more in love with Little Mo.
It's difficult to navigate these feelings and often times he finds himself getting frustrated, especially at Mo's continued disinterest. The closer he tries to get to Mo, the further the other boy tries to push him away. He doesn't know what his next move should be. He has tried to curry Mo's favor using gifts, offers of money, vows of allegiance, coercion and still nothing.
The situation is perplexing. He Tian has never had to work this hard for something he wants in his life. Generally speaking, he has never truly wanted anything before until Mo showed up.
For some reason, it seems that Mo Guan Shan isn't taking him seriously in spite of the fact that He Tian has already asked Mo to marry him and told him that they were going to elope.
How can he be any more clear or direct about his intentions?
He suspects he'll just have to work harder and put more effort into his courting attempts.
His right leg bounces with nervous energy as he counts down the final minutes of the school day, anticipating the ringing of the final bell to dismiss them. The instant the bell sounds, He Tian is off like a shot while ignoring the agitated and exasperated shouts of his teacher. You would think he would be one of the first people out of the building but the courtyard is already packed when he finally makes his way outdoors. He cranes his neck looking for his errant crush, certain that his yearning will be soothed, if only by a fraction, once he sees him. Finally he spots his target among the throngs of people moving out of the school gate. It took him longer than usual to locate the boy because he uncharacteristically has his hood up, covering his distinctive red hair. “Little Mo, why didn't you wait for me?”
The other boy ignores him and just walks faster, not troubling himself to respond.
He Tian struggles not to pout at the stand offish attitude despite the fact that it is completely in character for the other boy. He's been looking forward to spending time with Little Mo all day, can't the redhead show just a little bit of enthusiasm? He snakes his arm around Little Mo's shoulder and pulls him in close causing the other boy to stumble a bit.
“Watch it, chicken dick! I almost tripped because of you.”
The taller boy doesn't apologize and instead invites Mo to go get something to eat with him.
“Can't.” Guan Shan immediately replies as he adjusts his backpack on his shoulder, trying to shake off He Tian's arm at the same time. He Tian resists the other boy's attempt to break their contact and his arm remains where it is.
“Why not?” He Tian is relatively certain Little Mo doesn't work today so he should be free unless he got another part time job. It wouldn't surprise him if that were the case. He wishes that Mo would stop working so much, He Tian could help him out if he needed the money but every time he offers, Mo rebuffs He Tian's proposition.
“Don't want to.” The redhead replies and He Tian's good mood deflates. He leans down into Mo's space and rests his head on the other boys shoulder.
“Come on, Little Mo, don't be like that.” He pleads, trying to put on his most pitiful expression but it doesn't seem to sway Mo at all. Mo barely gives him a millisecond of attention before he turns his attention back to the path he's traveling on.
“No.” Mo turns him down again and this time it is said in the tone that He Tian knows brooks no argument.
He Tian concedes after a few moments of deep thought. For whatever reason, Little Mo really doesn't seem to be in the mood to hang out with him this afternoon and it doesn't appear that any amount of pleading or persuasion on He Tian's part will change that. “Fine. Then what are you going to do today?”
Once again, He Tian's question just hangs in the air with seemingly no answer forthcoming from the other party. Sighing, He Tian thinks hard about what he can say to keep Mo by his side for just a few moments longer. They are rapidly approaching the intersection where they usually go their separate ways on the rare days that He Tian isn't able to convince or rope Mo Guan Shan into one activity or another.
Unfortunately, nothing at all comes to mind and he resigns himself to a dull afternoon at home. As they walk, He Tian feels a shiver wrack the redheads body and it is only then that he realizes something might be wrong.
“Are you okay?” He questions, his concern evident. There's no way the other boy can be cold – he's wearing his hoodie, his school jacket and it's an unconventionally warm day for early spring. If anything, he should be burning up with all the layers he is wearing.
“I'm fine.” Mo tells him, brushing off his worry. “It's nothing.”
He Tian nearly takes his word for it until he looks at Mo's face and notes how flushed and rosy his cheeks seem to be. He stops them mid stride and turns Mo around to face him. The redheads eyes narrow in irritation at the manhandling but he doesn't try to wrestle out of He Tian's grip.
'Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.' He Tian thinks, usually Mo would yell at him, push him away or assault him with a creative string of curses. As he studies his face he notes the fatigue in his features and the listless way his arms hang at his side.
“Are you hot? Your face is all red.” He mentions aloud, eyes narrowing as he tries to suss out the cause of Mo's unusual behavior.
Mo shakes his head before telling him that he actually feels pretty cold which only serves to heighten He Tian's anxiety. Placing the back of his hand on Mo's forehead he feels the heat radiating from the place their skin meets. His eyes widen, “Little Mo, I think you have a fever. You're burning up.”
Mo blinks up at him owlishly as if he doesn't quite understand what He Tian has said. Then he suddenly seems to remember himself and he backs away, effectively ending their casual physical contact.
“I-I already told you, it's nothing!”
He Tian's mouth twists into a frown, “It's not nothing. I think you're really sick.” He pulls out his phone and searches for the nearest hospital, suggesting to Mo that they should get him in for an appointment right away.
The redhead vehemently declines, crossing his arms in front of him, “Absolutely not. I don't have money to go see a doctor right now.”
“Then I'll pay for it. You're sick and you need to go to the hospital to get the medication you need.”
Again, Mo firmly rejects He Tian's offer insisting that it's probably something he can just take some over the counter meds for and he'll be fine tomorrow. He Tian wants to argue but he can't force Mo to go as much as he wishes he could.
“Is your mom home at least?” He Tian asks, he'll feel more comfortable if he knows that Mo's mom is home to take care of him.
The silence that answers his question seems to indicate a resounding no. He huffs out a sigh, “Let me take you home.”
He expects for Mo to turn him down immediately but it looks like the redhead is actually considering it.
“Whatever.” He finally responds before turning to make his journey home, leaving He Tian to take several long strides to catch up with him.
Too soon, they are standing in front of Mo's run down apartment building while the redhead digs around in his bag for his keys.
“Can I come up?”
“Are you crazy? You just told me I'm sick and I have a fever. I don't want you breathing my air and then bitching that I got you sick.” Mo explains this to him as if he were an elementary school child, his tone soft but condescending. When the redhead finally has his hands on his keys he heads towards the stairs without a word to He Tian.
The dark haired boy yells after him, “Text me later!”
The answering middle finger makes him smile.
Unsurprisingly, the text never comes and when He Tian tries to reach Mo Guan Shan it's radio silence from the other end. He doesn't think much of it, it isn't uncommon for Mo to ignore him and he is no doubt resting up so that he can recover. His anxiety makes a return, however, when he arrives at school the next day to find that Little Mo is absent. Maybe he was more ill than they initially thought?
He's distracted all day and gets reprimanded several times by his teacher for not paying attention or participating in class but he doesn't care. When they are dismissed for break He Tian heads straight for the western walls that surround the school. He's familiar enough now with the teachers monitoring schedule and he knows that he has at least ten minutes to scale the wall and be on his merry way. The hardest part is dodging all the people that want to stop to talk to him, he keeps his excuses vague so that no one is on to him. Briefly, he looks around to make sure the coast is clear before he launches himself up and over the wall. Not for the first time, he is thankful for his height and strength otherwise this might be a real chore.
Gracefully he lands on the other side and sends a short text to Jian Yi instructing him to grab his bag for him after school.
'You going to see redhead?' Jian Yi replies back instantly and He Tian snorts at all the heart emoji's that surround the message. He Tian's infatuation is no secret, especially among his friends.
He Tian doesn't bother responding because they both know that's exactly his plan. On his way, he stops by a convenience store and grabs a few snacks, drinks and a cooling patch. The clerk ringing him up is an older woman who scowls at him. She knows he's skipping school, his uniform gives him away but apparently she's not brave enough to say anything about it. He's sure to give her a polite smile when she hands him his bag and suddenly she doesn't seem so grouchy about his truancy.
He makes one more stop on his way to buy some porridge from some place that has pretty good reviews. It just wouldn't do for Little Mo to be sick and hungry.
It's another nice day so he takes some time to enjoy his trek to the redheads apartment. He snickers to himself when he crosses the bridge that Little Mo threw his bag off of. He remembers dragging them both into the chilly water as a punishment for Mo's disobedience and even though Mo fiercely glared at him for it, he thinks that maybe he had a good time too.
At least that is what He Tian wants to believe, so he does.
Feeling a bit of apprehension as he reaches the door, he hesitates for about a minute before he knocks. For a long time nothing happens and he wonders if maybe Little Mo might be sleeping but then he hears a muffled male voice and he knows that it's Mo. The rattling of the door chain comes next and then Mo opens the door by just a fraction. He Tian takes in his uncharacteristically disheveled appearance and the mask covering his lower face. Little Mo is no fashionista but he still looks put together on a regular basis. For some reason the rumpled t-shirt, basketball shorts and messy hair make He Tian's pulse spike and his neck feel hot.
“The hell are you doing here?” Mo demands and He Tian takes note of the nasally quality of his voice. “What time is it? Shouldn't you be in school still?”
He Tian can't reign in the huge smile that breaks across his face at seeing his favorite person, Mo might be a little worse for wear but he can see at a glance that it's nothing serious. He reaches out and ruffles the already mussed hair on the top of Mo's head. The redhead grouses and swats at him and that's a sign right there that Mo is feeling a little better than yesterday.
“Keep your hands to yourself!”
He lifts the bag of stuff he bought at the convenience store to Mo's line of sight, “Entrance fee?” He says, taking a step forward and handing the bag off to Mo. The redhead eyes it skeptically before taking it and inspecting its contents. Apparently Mo determines that the offerings are acceptable and he opens the door a little wider, a silent invitation for He Tian to enter.
Mo pulls the mask off his face and tosses it to the side. “Don't blame me if you get sick later.”
He Tian nods, acknowledging Mo's warning. He really likes Mo's apartment, it feels lived in and homey in a way no place else he's ever visited has. The temperature is incredibly warm though, Little Mo must still be feeling cold from his illness. He Tian removes his jacket and hangs it on the back of the couch. He follows little Mo to the kitchen and places the bag containing the porridge on the counter. Unfortunately, it seems like it was an unnecessary purchase. There is a pot filled with a homemade version sitting on the stove top.
Warmth blossoms in his chest at the sight. “Did your mom make this for you?” He asks, feeling wistful and maybe a little jealous.
Mo shakes his head, “No, I made it earlier.”
He Tian's eyebrows shoot up on his forehead at that. “You shouldn't be doing so much if you aren't feeling well. You need to rest.”
Mo shoots him a weary look, “If that's what you think then why are you here bothering me?”
'Shit. Walked right into that one.' He thinks to himself. Mo is far too witty for his own good.
“I had to make sure our precious Little Mo was okay.” He says by way of explanation. Mo's face twists in disgust at the statement as he puts the porridge He Tian brought in the fridge.
“So annoying.” Mo complains before he directs He Tian over to the couch where they both take a seat. “Don't count on me to entertain you, chicken dick. I'm still trying to fight off whatever the hell this is.”
That redirects He Tian's focus, “How are you feeling by the way?” He questions, reaching out to feel Mo's forehead again, the way he did the day before.
This time Mo dodges his hand and moves a bit further away from He Tian as if he is just now realizing how close they are to one another. “I still had a fever when I woke up this morning so I stayed home but I think its gone down since then. I felt like shit last night but it's not so bad now.”
He Tian closes his hand into a fist and tries to shake off the disappointment he feels at being denied the feeling of Mo's skin. He is relieved to hear that Mo is feeling slightly better.
Mo curls up on the opposite side of the couch from He Tian, laying against a mountain of pillows that seem to have been gathered from all corners of his home. He Tian suggests watching a movie and Mo shrugs. When He Tian asks what he wants to watch Mo shrugs again. He either doesn't have the energy to think about it or truly doesn't care. Truth is, He Tian doesn't really care either. He just wants to have an excuse to spend an hour or more with Mo Guan Shan.
After what seems like forever scrolling through all of the options he settles on an action film that he hasn't seen yet. Mo makes no objections so He Tian can only guess that he's fine with the choice as well. As the opening scene plays on the screen Mo shifts to get more comfortable on the couch, stretching out his long legs. When he accidentally brushes against He Tian's thigh with them he mumbles a quick apology and moves to pull them back.
Not one to miss out on an opportunity, He Tian grabs him by the ankle and settles both of his feet in his lap.
Mo looks at He Tian like he's psychotic and tries to pull away. “What are you doing?!”
“I'm just trying to warm you up. Your feet feel like ice cubes.” Tian answers honestly as he presses a thumb into the arch of Mo's right foot. The skeptical expression is still firmly fixed on Mo's face and after another minute He Tian has to fight the impulse to squirm under his intense scrutiny. Eventually Mo breaks their eye contact, determining that there is no malice behind He Tian's action and turns his attention back to the movie but not before mumbling something about He Tian being a weirdo.
He Tian can't argue with that logic so he doesn't even try. Instead of focusing on the film he concentrates on the task he chose. He applies gentle pressure, kneading the arch of Mo's foot before moving on to the other. Mo spends a lot of time on his feet because of his part time jobs so he hopes this might be a small comfort. He Tian may look perfectly calm on the outside but on the inside his heart is hammering away in his chest. If you were to ask him right now who the main protagonist is in the movie he wouldn't be able to answer. He has no idea, he has no interest in anything that is not Mo Guan Shan who is currently laid half across his lap. Unconsciously Mo had moved his legs further into He Tian's lap as he got more comfortable and Tian even heard him sigh once which he took as a sign of encouragement. After a while he stops, not wanting to overdo it but he keeps his hands wrapped around the redheads ankles and Mo doesn't remove them.
When he finally works up the courage to sneak a glance over at the redhead he sees the other boy looks drowsy, his eyelids drooping and his cute little lips are set in that pout people tend to get when they don't feel well. Mo must feel the weight of his gaze because his eyes slide to the right to look at He Tian. Caught staring, He Tian tries to ease the awkward situation.
“What do you think of the movie?” He panics and asks for lack of anything better to say.
Another shrug as Mo mumbles out, “It's fine I guess.”, but He Tian suspects Mo has been paying about as much attention as he has. Mo trembles as another chill hits him and he wraps the blanket tighter around himself.
“You want me to grab you a hoodie?” He Tian offers but Mo is already sitting up to complete the task himself.
He Tian pauses the movie so Mo doesn't miss anything and while he waits, he opens up several of the bags of snacks so they can mindlessly eat while they watch.
When Mo returns to the room He Tian has to do a double take because he's sure his eyes are playing tricks on him. “Is that my jacket?”
“What?” Mo questions, bewildered as he looks down at himself. “Is this yours? I just grabbed the first thing I touched in the closet.”
He Tian nods, confirming that it is indeed his. He hasn't seen it since he gave it to Mo a while back and he just assumed that the other boy had thrown it out or burned it or something. Sometimes it was anyone's guess what Mo might do.
An instant later recognition seems to hit Mo as he remembers and He Tian wonders if he ever found the note that was in the pocket.
'Please, God, if he found it don't let him bring it up right now or I might die from embarrassment.'
“You want it back?” Mo rushes out, fingers fumbling with the zipper at the top before He Tian launches himself across the couch to stop him.
“No! No!” He Tian insists as he wraps the blanket back around Mo's shoulders to keep him from removing it. “I gave it to you, you keep it.”
From this close, He Tian can see that Mo's face looks flushed again and he hopes that his fever hasn't come back. He grabs the cooling patch and smooths it across the other boys forehead. “I think your fever might be spiking again, you look red.”
“Uh, yeah... thanks.” Mo tells him, voice no more than a whisper. They sit back down on the couch but this time Mo settles himself closer to He Tian. He crisscrosses his legs beneath him but he's close enough that their knees are touching. Mo looks so small as he curls himself around one of the larger throw pillows, hugging it to his chest.
'So cute.' He Tian thinks to himself at the visual. It's a shame that people judge Mo by his gruff exterior. Of the people He Tian has known in his life, Mo is the most complex and multi-faceted of them all. Though, the selfish and covetous part of He Tian likes that no one else knows Mo well enough to see those things. Chances are, even if their classmates did bother to try to get to know him, Mo would push them away long before they could learn anything about him.
At about the halfway mark of the movie He Tian finally relaxes enough to start focusing on the plot though he's still lost. The premise of the film and the protagonists motivation is a mystery to him and the longer he watches, the more he realizes this is a lost cause. He Tian thinks Mo seems to be enjoying it. He's at least facing forward with his eyes on the screen, chin propped on top of the pillow.
Abandoning the movie, he surreptitiously eases his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through his social media accounts. As he's scrolling through his twitter feed he feels a soft weight settle on his shoulder. When he turns his head he sees Mo has fallen asleep, his body naturally falling towards He Tian as his muscles relaxed.
It really wasn't fair, Mo Guan Shan was just too cute. He sneaks a quick photo of them to add to his growing collection before he calls out to Mo to gently rouse him.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Mo stirs and grumpily hisses, “Shut up. I'm trying to watch the movie.”
He Tian smiles at the lie. Mo had obviously fallen asleep yet he was denying it and the only reason He Tian can think of is that he doesn't want him to leave. It's a win, finally, after all this time! He really, really wants to kiss Mo but he won't. He undeniably messed up forcing that kiss on Mo back when they were relative strangers to one another. He will never make another grievous transgression like that again. He will wait until Mo Guan Shan comes to him of his own volition.
Until then, he will appreciate rare moments like this where Mo seems at ease with him.
He will continue hanging around for a moment just like this one.