Chapter Text
Trapper’s long gone, probably halfway to Seoul by the time I pry my carcass from my cot. Gone, gone, gone. Here I am alone. It’s the self-pitying melancholy that really does something for me.
He’s long gone by the time I feel the crinkle of paper in my pocket, by the time I realize that he didn’t just put his hand on my hip as he sat on the edge of my bunk. He slipped a note into my pocket.
I start to laugh as I pull the folded paper out, but I’m crying before I start to open it. The big idiot. I imagine him having the same reaction when he finds the note for him that I tucked into his duffle bag. What a pair we make. Made.
Dear , it reads. No name, just an endearment.
Dear,
I’m real sorry. I can’t figure out a way around this, and the only thing I can figure out is this note. You know I’m not one for a lot of flowery words, but there’s some stuff you got to know.
I am so proud of you. That’s the first thing. You don’t know how proud of you I am. I know you’re scared, and I am too. I’m terrified for you. (Heck, I’m terrified for me . I can’t stop thinking about Henry at the bottom of the ocean. Turns out I’m just plain terrified in general.) I’m scared for you, but I’m actually in real awe at you.
I know how much you hate it here, and I know you want to go home to Maine more than anything. The choice to stay and help those boys because they don’t have anyone else (like you, I refuse to count Ferret Face) is probably the bravest thing I’ve ever seen someone do.
I’m proud of you, and I’m mad as hell at you, and I already miss you so much it’s like someone punched a hole through my chest. I have to go home to my girls, but I hate myself for leaving you - can’t see a way around it. I’ve done a lot of things wrong, loving you being one, but I can’t move on.
You’ll come see me when you get Stateside. That ain’t an invitation, it’s an order.
TJFXM