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Michelle Jones has always been a very determined individual. Whether it being for decathlon competitions she’d give 110% to achieve her best performance, or mastering a random skill for months because she was bored, she always gave it all.
So it’s not that much of a surprise when Michelle goes around a good portion of New York City looking for none other than Peter Parker the morning all the memories come flooding back to her.
She has no idea of what she’s going to tell him if she lays eyes on him – not if, when , because well, Michelle is determined.
The will to hug him is big but the need to shout at him is bigger .
—
Michelle finds him later that morning close to Delmar’s.
Although she had no recollection of anything Peter-related not even a week ago, Michelle kept her strange routine of eating lunch at Delmar’s every Friday, which she now remembers had become a habit between Peter and her before, and she sort of… kept it.
The moment she crosses the doorway to the busy streets of the city and her eyes cross his Michelle feels the tiredness of the past hours vanish and sudden rage courses through her veins, making her eyes sting and her nose tingle.
She’s not going to cry. Not in front of him, that is.
He sends a small smile her way, oblivious to her inner turmoil. He did visit Peter Pan’s enough times to make this exchange between two strangers normal – because he doesn’t know she knows . He doesn’t know how she remembers his Delmar’s order by heart, how he doesn’t really like black coffee yet that’s what he always pays for when he visits the donut shop.
Michelle remembers it all and she can’t stand looking at his smile right now.
She tries to blame the sudden desire to cry for turning around and making her way towards her mother’s apartment, away from Peter.
—
The chill of the nights helps Michelle clean her head for a few blissful moments.
New York is never silent, yet here, atop her building’s rooftop, alone, Michelle feels like she can finally breathe.
She’d ignored Ned’s calls all day, only texting him that she was studying and couldn’t really talk – which is not at all a full lie, she did study for like, 20 minutes – because what was she supposed to tell him? That she remembered the one person Ned has no recollection of? How would she even break the news to him?
To Ned, who has been Peter’s friend long before she was?
Ned, sweet, caring Ned, who understood her lack of words and sent her a You got this MJ! :) after she told him she was deep in her studies.
Michelle vows to herself that she will speak to him later.
Now, as she closes her eyes and leans her head against the wall of the roof access, Michelle is allowed to recollect everything with a clear headspace.
She’s got everything back.
The feeling of hollowness inside of her chest is completely gone, and Michelle never acknowledged just how much Peter had meant to her. Still does. She’s mad, but she’s not stupid.
The sound of something hitting the ground next to her draws her out of her thoughts, opening her eyes to look around for the source of the sound. Most likely a pigeon, she thinks.
Michelle thinks her eyes are deceiving her when they lay on Spider-Man, crouched on the edge of the roof, looking down at the city that didn’t hesitate on turning on him the moment shit went sideways.
He doesn’t seem to have noticed her presence though, and Michelle wonders if she should just pretend he isn’t here, that she can totally avoid how she can finally speak to him now while they’re alone. She could say absolutely nothing and no one would’ve known all the things she wanted to tell him but herself.
Then again, Michelle is determined, and she’s desperate to get all these things off of her chest.
“Hey Spidey,” She greets nonchalantly, deciding that a friendly approach is best for now. She doesn’t want to spook him into leaving (she knows Peter would never leave her unless he really had to, or at least that’s what she used to think before). “To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?”
Peter spins around, startled by her, the lens of his mask widening once they lay on her, “Hi! I’m sorry, I was just… catching my breath, that’s all. Sorry if I bothered you.”
“You didn’t,” Michelle retorts, standing up and walking to him, “Can I?”
“Sure.”
Sitting down next to him on the ground, Michelle ponders on how she’s going to tell him she knows. She could be subtle.
Ha! Michelle Jones doesn’t do “subtle”.
“Did you ever think of telling us?” She asks, eyes ahead as Peter turns to her, “Did it ever cross your mind?”
“What? What are you talking about?” Peter asks around a nervous chuckle.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Peter.”
Michelle senses more than sees his whole body freeze the moment the name leaves her lips.
“Wh-What? How did you-”
“I remember everything.”
Peter stands up in a rush of nervous energy, his hands coming up to take his mask off, immediately discarding it to the ground.
Michelle stands up too, her eyes locked on him, all the emotions she’s been suppressing the whole day ever since she saw him this morning resurfacing all at once.
She’s suddenly so. fucking. mad.
“You remember…” He breathes, disbelief lacing his murmurs, “You weren’t supposed to remember me…”
“Yeah, I would never find out from you, would I?” The words sink in on him immediately, and he turns to her figure, eyes wide and breaths heavy.
“MJ…”
“No, just tell me. Tell me, did it even cross your mind? Did you even consider telling us the truth? Just once?” Michelle asks, the burning in her eyes intensifying and she hates how emotionally attached she is to him.
He gapes at her, and is he shocked? He has no right . “What do you mean, MJ? Of course, I did!”
“Well, why didn’t you then?!”
“Because I couldn’t!” He retorts, voice loud and desperate, tears clinging to the corners of his eyes.
“Don’t. Don’t start with that bullshit, Peter. You promised me. You made a promise to Ned and me and you broke it!” MJ accuses, tone strained and loud. “Why would you do that!?”
“I couldn’t bring you guys into my mess again! I did once and look where it took us.”
Silence falls on them like a veil of darkness.
He’s a few feet away from her, yet Michelle can feel the warmth he constantly radiates, even during a chilly winter night. She notices the brown glint of his eyes, how they shine under the city’s lights, and that’s straight-up not fair .
Her eyes well up and she hates it.
“You know, you were the first person I ever really loved,” Michelle breaks the silence, not really knowing the reason for her sudden confession.
Peter deflates in front of her and she realizes just how meaningful the words she professed are for him.
Everybody knows Michelle Jones Watson as the closed, introverted person in school. Peter was the only one able to bring her walls down and show another side to her she didn’t recognize yet came to be one of her favorites.
Now, though? Her walls are full up and he knows it damn well.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, MJ. I swear I never meant to drag you into this.” The sincerity in his voice is almost enough to break her.
“I’m not hurt, Peter. I’m just disappointed,” Expect disappointment and you’ll never really be disappointed. “Out of everyone, Peter. I expected this of everyone but you.”
She doesn’t notice she’s crying until a sob leaves her lips into the cold air, seeing Peter breaking in front of her only adding to the ongoing tears falling from her cheeks.
Truth is, a deep, rational part of her knows he only meant well. That’s who she loved, who she still loves and will love until the day she dies. That’s Peter Parker. Stubborn, selfless Peter Parker. That’s one of the many, many reasons she loves him so much.
“When I… When I went to the bakery the day after the spell I…” He sniffs, looking down at his hands as his fingers fiddle with one another, “I had this note memorized, and I was going to tell you everything. I walked in and I remember seeing Ned come in as well. You guys were talking about MIT and…” He stops, looking up at her as his eyes turn incredibly sad. “And then when you said your cut didn’t really hurt anymore I realized… I realized you were better off without me.”
“You know that’s not true, Peter.” Michelle retorts, though her voice is softer as exhaustion suddenly takes over.
“Well, it should be. I couldn’t make you risk your lives because of me again when you had a chance at being safe and happy.”
She studies him with sad eyes, sniffing occasionally as she realizes she isn’t that surprised by Peter's decision. He’d choose everyone over him a million times if he had to.
And because she feels like he needs to hear it, Michelle tells him everything.
“The morning after the spell I woke up way earlier than I needed to,” She starts, voice low. “I had the feeling I was supposed to speak with someone before class, but I couldn’t remember who so I ignored it. I looked at my bedside table and I saw the necklace. I couldn’t understand why but I had the sudden need to put it on. So I did. I had no idea who put it there, who gave it to me. I just knew it was special in a way I didn't know.
“All day I had this feeling of… emptiness, of being hollow, and I could never understand where it was coming from.” Michelle continues, looking his way to see Peter already locked on her. “I spoke to Ned and he felt the exact same way. It never stopped until everything came back this morning after I put on one of your stupid science pun shirts you left at my house.”
A crack of a smile forms on his lips, though it turns grim in milliseconds. They’re both suffering and they don’t know how to make it better to the point it stops hurting.
Being 100% honest is a very good start.
“It was horrible , Peter. Absolute terror." Michelle admits, eyes welling up again as she takes a few steps closer to him. "And I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must’ve been for you, but I just need you to understand that not remembering or knowing who you are hurts much more than having our lives on the line all the time.”
The way he looks at her is enough to drain all the anger she felt - not towards him, not really. It was more at the whole situation itself - and Michelle allows a few moments of silence to cleanse her thoughts and ease up her mind.
Even after everything, here he stands, undefeated, being selfless yet once again, and all she did was shout at him for something he didn't mean.
Michelle suddenly feels sick .
He lost May. He lost his friends, everyone who cared about him, who loved him, and she's pressed because he didn't keep a promise? What kind of person does that?
The bags under his eyes give away just how exhausted he is, just how much of a toll these recent events have been taking on him, and Michelle doesn't fight the urge to hug him anymore.
He seems surprised for a few seconds, yet his arms encircle her waist right after, his face nuzzling against her shoulder when MJ tightens her grip on him.
" Fuck , Peter…" Michelle curses, suddenly wanting to cry for very different reasons. She doesn't hold back anymore. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you-"
"It's okay, Em."
"No it's not… for a week you've been all alone. I can't- I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you." She weeps against his neck, his own tears wetting the soft fabric of her cardigan.
"I just don't wanna lose you again." Peter breathes, the sincerity in his words knocking the air right out of her lungs.
"You won't," Michelle pulls away slightly to look at him, hands coming up to his cheeks, "Peter, look at me."
Once he does, she can see all the hurt, sacrifice, pain in his eyes.
She can also see pure adoration and relief in them too, which she finds incredibly gratifying. Peter is not alone anymore.
"You won't. I don't care what happens from now on, but we're not going anywhere. We're staying with you." She affirms, a soft gaze on him as his hands come up to caress her wrists.
Peter nods, bottom lip trembling as emotions take them both over, his hands never leaving hers as his forehead touches hers, sharing breaths they will never take for granted ever again.
"Can I tell you something?" He asks, a mere whisper to her ears.
His eyes open in time to see her nod.
Peter takes a deep breath, a cute smile forming on his lips that has Michelle's heart skipping several beats every 2 seconds.
"I love you."
And fuck it .
After his confession, after keeping the other promise he made that dreadful morning, Michelle can't help how fast she leans in, capturing his lips on hers to kiss him slowly, somewhat chaste, the way you'd kiss your significant other when you come home.
Kissing Peter does feel like coming home anyway.