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"Wait, you're leaving? Going out there with just a car and some medical supplies? Then what, Nancy?” Carlos shouted before lowering his voice to a more hospital-appropriate tone. “You don't even know if anything has happened to her,” he reasoned.
"You saw what happened to TK, Carlos. To Paul, to– to however many more people that got caught out there," Nancy paused only to stare into his eyes as she spoke, "I'm not going to let the same thing happen to Marjan."
With a heavy sigh, Carlos seemed to accept Nancy’s words. She was ready to fight against him, argue with him until he had no choice to let her go, but he stared into her eyes and must have seen the intensity she felt inside of her. Nancy wasn’t changing her mind, not even with one of her best friends in a hospital bed a few rooms away.
“Will you at least take a radio? Cell service is out and I can’t lose another one of the 126. Owen would kill me,” Carlos said. It was meant to be a joke but both of their faces went solemn at the station name.
“I’m gonna find her and I’m going to bring her back here. Then we’re going to wait for TK together, okay? Keep him company for me,” she requested before tacking on, “and then maybe tell me why the Hell you two are pretending you’re not in love.”
Carlos glanced down and shook his head but Nancy swore she saw a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. He hadn’t smiled since he walked through the hospital doors and Nancy couldn’t blame him. Any worry she had in her that wasn’t focused on Marjan was sitting not-so-patiently beside TK’s hospital bed. She reached over and took Carlos’ hand for a moment, dropping it before he had the chance to convince her to stay.
“Please be safe, Nance.”
She nodded, only because she couldn’t promise that, and made her way out the front door. She was grateful that the lovely old couple that helped them during their last call stayed long enough to drive her back home so she could get her own vehicle. She already wasn’t sure exactly how to drive in the horrific blizzard that covered the city, let alone if she didn’t have her own wheels. At least she knew she would be relatively safe on her journey with the giant truck her parents insisted on gifting her.
As she made her way through the parking lot, she could already feel the cold seeping through her multiple layers of clothing. The thought alone terrified her when she thought of where Marjan might be. She had a tiny car and never wore enough layers when the weather turned even slightly cold. It was something Nancy frequently teased her for. Marjan would always wave her off with one of her signature eye rolls and remind Nancy that she always had an extra layer on her anyway because of her faith. Who was Nancy to argue with that, really?
The drive left less than to be desired. She could barely see a foot in front of her, the brief flashing of hazard lights and the sounds of fellow first responder’s sirens the only indication of potential danger ahead. She managed to avoid the highways, figuring that if Marjan was on her way to Owen’s wilderness escape, she would’ve avoided the dangers of main roads.
Nancy knew that Marjan was smart like that. She was always a step ahead of everyone, ready to act at a moment’s notice while simultaneously thinking everything through. Her mind might have been the first thing Nancy noticed about her—well after how absolutely beautiful she was.
She tried to shake that thought from her head, wanting to focus on finding her friend, instead of finding the person she hadn’t had the courage to confess her feelings to yet. That only got Nancy thinking more about how she got herself into that situation, loving someone so much only to keep it inside.
It was slow, at first, the way her feelings grew.
After years of being just outside of the popular circle during childhood, she saw her career as a paramedic as her chance to be part of something bigger. She would save lives and people would remember her name, think of her when they were in their darkest moments and be grateful she was there.
When she first joined the 126 and had met Tim, she felt like she was finally finding herself in her little group. She had a family outside of blood—but just as important—in Tim and Michelle which only grew when Captain Strand came to town and brought in the most impressive firefighters Nancy had ever met. From then on, she had wanted with everything in her to be a real part of the 126.
Michelle leaving had her stumbling, unsure how to handle a new Captain that already seemed to bond with the firefighters more than her own team. Then Tim’s death broke her into a million little pieces and the family she had held onto so tightly for that feeling of home seemed to slip right out from beneath her fingertips without a chance for her to stop it.
She truly became part of the 126 when TK became a paramedic–though she would never admit that to him. With him, he brought his ridiculously bright smile and his annoyingly capable hands along with the rest of the firefighters that had learned to respect him and what he stood for. Slowly, they invited Nancy, too, and she found herself leaning into the incredible friendship they had all started to form.
They often told Nancy that she was like the final piece fitting into the puzzle. They didn’t have a lot of room in their hearts for outsiders but soon, Nancy couldn’t call herself that anymore. She was an outcast in a former life, as she had found out the rest of them had been, with her own insecurities and hardships that no one had ever understood. But together?
Together they fit.
And none of them fit as much as Nancy and Marjan.
The more Nancy attended the classic 126 hangs, she realized that Marjan was more than just an unreasonably pretty face. She was smart, almost enough to rival Paul with random literature facts, and not to mention witty as Hell. Every word that came out of her mouth surprised Nancy, whether it was something wise, something sarcastic, something hilarious that had soda threatening to spout from Nancy’s nose.
Every moment they spent together just encouraged Nancy’s feelings to develop. Outside of the 126 hangs, she felt like Marjan would go out of the way to see her. No one in Nancy’s life had ever done that and it was the most exhilarating feeling. Finally, someone was making Nancy a priority and she wasn’t about to stop it.
Sometimes they would clean the rigs side by side, playfully flicking water at each other to cool off from the usually simmering Texan heat. Other times, Marjan would sit at the back of the ambulance while Nancy restocked the supplies, snacking on the salty chips she always made sure to hide away from Captain Strand. They would talk and tease and just… learn each other.
Nancy knew what made Marjan happy, what made her sad, what made her angrier than she had ever been, and what made her feel loved. From that moment on, Nancy vowed to see Marjan in every one of those emotions, to be able to understand her and continue to fall in love with her for everything she was—for everything they could be together.
Staring through the windshield at the cloud of snow in front of her, she thought of the fear that Marjan must have been feeling. Nancy wasn’t sure she was ready to learn what that looked like on Marjan’s beautiful features. It might hurt Nancy too much to keep the feelings she hid so deeply in her heart to herself.
It wasn’t until she was sliding along one of the backroads she had never driven on that she was thrown from her thoughts by an almost grateful sight; a large white van on the side of the road. Well, at least it was as much on the side of the road as it could be with the amount of snow that piled beside it. It wasn’t Marjan’s car but something inside of Nancy froze even through the blasting of her heat. She pulled around the van, sliding into the small divet on the side of the road before taking a deep breath to prepare herself.
She went into this rescue mission as just that—a rescue—but she was all too aware of how quickly it could become a recovery.
Arming herself with heavy gloves, a wool hat she had rarely had to wear in Texas, and warmers she had bought from the hospital gift shop before she left, she threw open her door. She tried not to get her hopes up, continuing to walk forward while letting her mind wander away from the woman she didn’t realize she had loved so much.
She slammed it shut behind her to hopefully keep some of the heat in before making her way to the van, pushing aside every thought except to find Marjan. When she found it empty and covered with at least a few inches of snow, she wandered a little further.
Nancy could barely hear anything besides the roaring wind thundering in her ears, her own thoughts barely a whisper through it. She was trying to keep them calm, hoping for the best while preparing for the worst. Whenever the wind settled long enough for her to think, the worst seemed to burst to the forefront of her mind.
During one lull, though, she felt a familiar tickle in her brain, one that only occurred when Marjan was near–as cheesy as that might sound. Her hopes spiked as she saw a scarf that was too thin for someone to have worn out in the treacherous weather swinging from an unbroken tree branch a few feet away.
Nancy grabbed at it and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the speckles of blood staining right through the sheer fabric. She clutched it to her chest and took a deep breath, hoping with everything in her that Marjan would hear.
“Marj? Marjan?” Nancy shouted.
She put all of her built-up emotions, her wishes that Marjan was okay into the repetitive screams of her name. She knew it was risky to continue moving forward but her eyes caught sight of what looked too much like one of the green cardboard coffee cups from their favorite cafe for her to give up.
A few more dangerous steps forward down a too-steep incline, Nancy confirmed her suspicions and hope settled a little further in her mind. She grabbed the cup, even though she probably should have just left it, and shoved it into her coat pocket for safekeeping. When her eyes glanced up again, she saw a sight that had her blood curdling underneath her skin.
The front of Marjan’s car was embedded into one of the trees that lined the bottom of the hill and all of the lights were off. Fear sunk deep in her stomach at the realization that the car must have been totaled, the engine unable to keep the woman inside warm. The windows were shut and the car was covered in at least an inch of snow, less than the van at the top of the hill but still enough for Marjan’s worry to fester.
With heavy feet, Nancy surged forward through the blizzard, slipping on the ice that had formed underneath the heavy snow as she tried to run. It was taking too long for her to get to the car and Nancy knew that every moment she left Marjan alone was another second closer to her ending up beside TK in another hospital bed.
“Marj! Marjan, I’m coming!” Nancy shouted even though she was unsure if Marjan could hear her. If she could, Nancy hoped it gave her enough faith to stay alive. “Marjan!” She yelled again once she had reached the car.
She brushed off the forming ice from the handle of the driver’s side door and tore it open, her heart freezing when she saw no one in the front seat. She shouted again, staving off tears as she took a few steps away from the car to try and track where Marjan could have gone. Nancy thought that if Marjan did leave, it would only be because she was saved or she saw solace somewhere in the distance.
With the wind picking up and the snow still falling heavily in her eye line, she raised her hand and squinted her eyes to attempt to search the distance. She cursed to herself when she realized that it was useless before sitting down in the front seat of the car and slamming the door behind her. It was freezing but at least she was shielded from the wind so she could think.
“It’ll be n-no use if we both fre-eze to d-death in here, Nance.”
She jumped when she heard a voice behind her, whirling around quickly to see Marjan bundled up in a blanket, her lips practically blue and her body quaking in shivers.
“You’re here. Y-You’re okay.” Nancy breathed a sigh of relief following the words.
“O-kay m-might be p-pushing it,” Marjan joked. Nancy didn’t understand how she could joke at a time like that but was grateful for it all the same. “G-Got any h-heat to share?”
“Fuck, I mean, shit— Yes,” Nancy fumbled as she grabbed the unused warmers from her jacket, rubbing them together in her palms until they started to generate a minuscule amount of heat. “Here, take these,” she ordered.
Marjan tried to hold a hand out for the warmth but they were shaking too badly to get a solid grip. Nancy took Marjan’s frozen hand in her own and pressed two of the warmers in her palm. The sigh of happiness that left Marjan’s trembling lips hurt Nancy more than she cared to admit. Quickly, Marjan brought the warmers beneath her blanket as if trying to heat up her entire body with them.
“P-Please tell me you’re g-gonna get me out-ta here,” Marjan asked, almost pleading in her tone. Nancy had never felt as cold as Marjan looked and she nodded quickly, hoping it was enough anticipation to keep Marjan holding on just a little while longer.
“My car is just up the hill you crashed down. If you didn’t look so pathetic right now, I’d ask you why you chose one of the only hills on this road to slide down, but alas,” Nancy teased half-heartedly as she tore open the other few warmers she had brought with her.
“You’re an… ass,” Marjan retorted, the first sign of a smile gracing her lips.
“Never thought I’d be so happy to hear you say that,” Nancy said mostly to herself even though Marjan could definitely hear her. “Put these in your boots, okay? And take this,” Nancy instructed, shrugging off one of her jackets.
“You’ll f-freeze,” Marjan responded. The shake of her head was barely noticeable through her shivers.
“I think one of us has already got that covered, Marj.” The laugh that rung out, though breathless and full of pain, eased Nancy as she cracked open the door to check the weather outside. “It isn’t stopping out there, not even slowing down. I wouldn’t— God, I would have us stay here until it’s over if I didn’t think—”
“That I was o-one temperature d-decline away from certain d-death?” Marjan finished, a sad smile on her lips. “I can do this, Nancy.” Her voice didn’t stutter that time.
“If anyone can, it’s you,” Nancy replied truthfully. She took a deep breath in, closing her eyes to calm herself as images of a joyful, bright Marjan flipped through her mind like a storybook. “I’m going to get you out of here, okay? Do you trust me?”
“More than,” Marjan all but whispered like a confession Nancy needed to hear.
“Lean on me the whole way. Let someone else be the hero for a change, hmm?” Nancy practically ordered with stern eyes on Marjan who rolled her own in return.
“If y-you get me outta here and I survive, you can b-be my hero any day,” Marjan promised.
Nancy nodded and took one more deep, preparatory breath before swinging her door open. She braced herself as best she could from the wind that suddenly seemed a little more impactful with one less jacket covering her and shuffled her way to the back door, prying it open so Marjan could exit.
“Fuck, it’s cold out here,” she swore, leaning into Nancy as soon as she took her first step.
“Really? I didn’t notice,” Nancy joked as she wrapped her arm around Marjan to keep her steady. “Don’t focus on the cold. Think of Miami. It’s warm there all the time, right? Tanning beds, beaches, sun rays. Think of that, okay?”
Marjan nodded but she didn’t speak and that worried Nancy more than she already was. Urgently, she heaved forward, dragging Marjan like a dead weight behind her because she couldn’t do it herself. She had never seen Marjan so injured, so incapable of what should have been a simple task, and it terrified her enough to keep adrenaline rushing.
“I need you to talk to me, Marj,” Nancy requested if only for her own sanity.
“I d-don’t know what t’ say other than curses or pointing out how fucking c-cold it is,” Marjan said.
“Then curse,” Nancy said, “be pissed off and angry if that’s what it takes for you to get up this hill. What are you mad about, huh? How it never snows in Texas and it chooses this year of all years to break a record? How you could be warm in Miami right now if you hadn’t moved here?”
“I’m n-not mad-d about th-that,” Marjan muttered after a moment.
“Then what are you mad at, Marj, because I need you to talk.”
Nancy could feel the ice starting to freeze the muscles that struggled to drag Marjan up the final few feet to safety. She needed a distraction and she couldn’t do it herself. Marjan was her distraction from all of the things that sucked in the world and she needed that now more than ever.
“You don’t t-talk to me… any-m-more.”
“What?” Nancy asked, trying not to pause in her step at the admission.
“Ever since… The 126 d-disbanded and TK and Carlos b-broke up, you d-don’t…” Marjan trailed off and Nancy wasn’t sure if it was because she was at a loss for words or because she was losing her. “I miss you. I m-miss everyone but… mostly… you.”
Nancy felt it first; the way Marjan’s weight grew heavier with each painstaking step and the way her arm went lax around Nancy’s shoulders. She saw her truck in the distance and made the executive decision—no matter how much it pained her—to get Marjan to the warmth and safety the vehicle would provide.
“Hang on, Marj. I promised you I’d get you out of there and I don’t break promises,” Nancy said sternly like she was convincing herself to continue on.
She used every ounce of strength left in her to hook her arm underneath Marjan’s legs and hoist her off of the ground, carrying her the rest of the way to the truck. She could barely feel her own coldness anymore, couldn’t register the pain that was bound to spread once she was in the warmth of the car; all she could focus on was the woman she loved with everything inside of her and making sure she was safe.
Ripping open the back door of the truck, she all but tossed Marjan flat onto the seat, rushing to the front to turn on the car and blast the heat as high as it would go. She made her way to the back, slamming her doors shut to contain the warmth, before straddling Marjan’s waist and pressing the heels of her palms onto her chest just like she had done to so many others in the past.
She realized, with an almost thankful mind, that she had never had to do this on someone she loved. She had patched up her coworkers, stood too far away from her best friend’s dead body, and comforted her friends over their losses many times before, but this? She never wanted to have to do this again.
She pushed and pushed, following the silent beat in her mind, and begged Marjan to wake up, to breathe again so that their future wasn’t cut so short. Her future, Nancy corrected herself. Their future didn’t matter at a time like this, just Marjan’s. Nancy would give her own life to be in Marjan’s position if she could turn back time and that realization was more than she bargained for when she left the hospital on this adventure.
One last compression to Marjan’s steady chest had the woman gasping for air, her blue lips brightening only a shade, but enough for Nancy to breathe out a sob of relief. Marjan opened her eyes, staring into Nancy’s as if she had never seen a more soothing sight, and her trembling hands attempted to move.
Nancy stopped her, grabbing the blanket from the floor of her truck before laying down so every inch of their body was pressed together. She draped the blanket over the two of them, hoping their combined body warmth would keep Marjan’s now working heart beating in her chest. She could almost feel it against her own as she pressed her face into Marjan’s neck, whispering comforting words against the slowly warming skin there.
When Marjan was able to, she wrapped her arms around Nancy’s back and they sighed together, both eternally grateful for the other in different ways.
Or not so different as Nancy found out when Marjan had enough strength to speak again.
“In case you didn’t realize, you just saved my life,” she whispered, her hand pressing to Nancy’s damp hair to urge her to pull back just a little.
Nancy did exactly that, gazing down into Marjan’s eyes, ready to shake the sentiment away when Marjan lifted her head just enough for their lips to meet. A gasp of surprise left Nancy’s mouth only to be muffled by Marjan’s insistence, the hand on the back of Nancy’s head not letting her pull away—as if she would have tried.
Instead, she pressed back, making sure Marjan’s head was resting comfortably on the seat below her so any extra energy she had wasn’t wasted. It wouldn’t have been a waste, Nancy knew, because the kiss was everything she wanted to tell Marjan and more. When they pulled away, Nancy was speechless, something she didn’t usually experience on a day-to-day basis, especially after being kissed.
“And in case you didn’t hear it earlier, I miss you, not because you’re my friend, but because I’m in love with you.”
Nancy kissed her again because she still couldn’t bring herself to speak, too enamored by everything that had happened between them. In such a short amount of time, everything had changed for the better, and Nancy wasn’t quite used to that.
So instead of saying I love you a million times over to Marjan as she wanted, she said, “Sometimes, cold can make you hallucinate.”
“Just admit you’re in love with me, too,” Marjan demanded playfully with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah, okay,” Nancy agreed. She leaned in for another kiss but Marjan turned her head, her lips pressing against Nancy’s ear instead.
“That didn’t sound like a love confession,” she whispered. Nancy pulled back and smiled widely at her, holding her face between her palms as delicately as she could.
“I’m in love with you, Marjan,” she admitted, out loud–finally.
Marjan grinned and just before Nancy could kiss her again, she teased, “Sometimes, cold can make you hallucinate…”
“Oh, shut up,” Nancy groaned but kissed Marjan all the same.