Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Oikawa Tooru’s absolutely in love with the idea of finding his soulmate, he has for a long time to be quite honest. Everyone always talks about soulmates, it’s commonly one of the most focused on topics in society as a whole, and it’s not hard to see why. The universe just decides who it thinks is best for a person, within any context, and then bonds them through dreams in preparation for their fateful meeting. And while there were platonic soulmates or familial, queerplatonic and sexual even, it was Oikawa’s absolute wish that the soulmate (or soulmates, there was no way he’d know until it happened) meant to be his and for him to be theirs was a romantic one. As a kid, Oikawa would picture the girl that he’d possibly connect with, hopefully someone really pretty and kind, a person who’d always have his back, dark brown hair and gorgeous green eyes maybe, possibly a bit shorter than him…

Ok, those last few things were actually never included in the specifics of his early fantasies, that actually grew to become a persistant problem as he grew up. That problem was that he was falling in love with his childhood best friend for all of time, one Iwaizumi Hajime. Slowly, Oikawa’s thoughts of girls started to fizzle out. At some point, he no longer found himself hoping for a beautiful doe-eyed girl who would swoon over him every chance she got and instead, his thoughts were exclusively focused on the person who understood him the most in the world. He wanted his Iwa-chan, the boy who teased and mocked him, the boy who caught bugs and held them in front of Oikawa to make him shriek only to give him a hug to comfort him, the boy who always bandaged him up when he fell off the swings, the boy who always watched over him as the two of them kept getting older, to be his soulmate. And it was sort of his worst nightmare.

As much as Oikawa wanted to believe he instinctively knew deep down that Iwaizumi was the one for him, he couldn’t very well ask the universe to make sure of it. Oikawa could be falling only for it to wind up in him plummeting to the depths of pure heartbreak when it turned out not to be for the two of them. Or even worse, if they were actually soulmates, Iwaizumi could decide that he wanted it to be a strictly platonic relationship, chalking the bond up to nothing more than for them to be best friends forever. Being his best friend had never been an issue, but if it was that instead of Iwaizumi wanting him to be the love of his life, that might hurt even deeper than if they weren’t connected to each other at all.

These thoughts plagued him for years but by the time middle school came around, Oikawa just decided to dedicate himself to volleyball and forget all about soulmates until he absolutely had to deal with it. He might not even get a soul bond, he couldn’t know yet and it would only continue to eat at him from the inside out if he kept it as his only priority. So volleyball it was, hard work and improvement awaited him over the course of whoever knows how many years.

Even then, he wasn’t too lucky, because Iwaizumi still stuck with him through it all. There were successes and failures, trials and tribulations, and still his best friend consumed his every waking moment, and yet none in his dreams. So as much as he tried to let volleyball distract him, it looked like it wasn’t going to work out anyways.

The first time he’d had hope that his feelings were possibly reciprocated was when, in an attempt to not think about his best friend even more than he already did, Oikawa told Iwaizumi about how he’d gotten a girlfriend their second year of middle school.

"Wait, you have a what?" Iwaizumi asks him dumbly after a minute, the volleyball they'd been doing passing drills with bouncing pitifully off his arms.

"A girlfriend, Iwa-chan, didn't you hear me?" Oikawa looks at him with a pout.

"I heard you, I just... Why?" is the response he gets and it throws him off a little bit. Iwaizumi only watches as Oikawa picks up the volleyball and starts the drill again with nothing but a casual shrug.

"Why not? I mean, she confessed to me last week and I accepted, dating is a normal thing people do."

Iwaizumi huffs and shakes his head. "What about all that crap you always go on about with soulmates? Don't you want to wait for them?"

What Iwaizumi doesn't know when he says that is that Oikawa would love to, but it would drive him crazy and he most definitely didn't wish to divulge the details of just why he can't do so. So he just makes something up. "That's such a long time away though, there's no harm in wanting to date someone before you know who your soulmate is. Besides, they're not always romantic Iwa-chan, what if I meet mine and we're just really good friends? You never know until it happens, why limit myself because of that?"

Iwaizumi's eyebrows furrow a little at that and he frowns at the ground. "I guess.. But still, you don't even know anything about her! And you just say yes?" he asks, looking back up.

The words get stuck in Oikawa's throat as he sees what looks like... disappointment on Iwaizumi's face. He feels his cheeks heat up at the thought that Iwaizumi might actually have an issue with him accepting the confession and is more than grateful when their coach signals for everyone to switch drills at that very moment.

Even with that single instance, it wasn't enough to draw any conclusions. Reflecting on it only sent him into a chaotic mess of thoughts so he tended to avoid it at all costs. Meanwhile, the two of them get even closer by their third year of middle school, largely in part due to the introduction of Kageyama Tobio to the volleyball team. Oikawa's girlfriend had broken up with him by that point, telling him that it just didn't feel right so volleyball once again became his major focus, though it was debatable if it had ever stopped. With this, the talent that Kageyama possessed suddenly snapped into sharp, terrifying focus, and Oikawa realized he was going to fall behind. He couldn't let that happen, so he trained harder and longer.

Iwaizumi warned him that he should stop before he gets himself hurt, he really had.

Oikawa doesn't think to listen until he lands from a jump serve and a sharp pain spikes up his right leg.

He collapses.

Before he can process anything, his legs have given out and he's on the gym floor. He feels tears well up in his eyes and he clutches his knee, letting out pained sobs. He knows no one else was at the gym anymore and his phone's in his bag all the way across the room. He can't get to it, the thought of moving makes him cry harder and he's breathing heavily against the floor, curled up on himself.

He's alone, no one is there to help him, and he can't reach anyone.

"Oikawa! Let's go home, it's late!" Iwaizumi's voice reaches him from outside the door and Oikawa hears it slide open.

"Oh my god, Tooru!!!"

Iwaizumi runs over to him and drops down to his knees, looking over him frantically. Oikawa looks back for only a moment before another spike of pain racks up his spine and he lets out another pained cry, screwing his eyes shut as more tears spill over.

"Holy shit, Tooru, what happened?" Iwaizumi asks as he gets up quickly, going over to Oikawa's gym bag.

"My..." Oikawa sucks in a breath. "My knee, my knee hurts so bad, Iwa..." he manages to whimper out.

Iwaizumi is back at his side and he's being lifted up gently so his head is resting in Iwaizumi's lap. Oikawa feels his hands being pulled away from his knee and a cold compress is being pressed to it. He lets out a shaky sigh and turns his head to bury his face into his best friend's stomach, letting out quiet cries. One of Iwaizumi's hands holds the compress in place and the other cards softly through his hair.

Oikawa's not sure how long they're there for—several minutes, an hour, maybe even two—but eventually, he's moved to sit over on one of the benches as Iwaizumi cleans up the gym. The latter doesn't say anything the entire time and he gets everything packed into Oikawa's gym bag before he comes back over, taking the compress off. The pain flares up as Iwaizumi starts to massage gently around his knee but eventually it starts to feel a little better. Oikawa looks down to see Iwaizumi's face screwed up in concentration and he feels a sense of guilt start to settle in. This was his fault after all, Iwaizumi shouldn’t have to take care of him. He wouldn’t have to be doing all of this if Oikawa had just listened to him.

"Let's get you home, Oikawa," Iwaizumi says eventually and Oikawa nods, pressing his hands down against the bench to get up. "Ah ah, stop! You're not getting up, don't even try it!"

"But then how will I...?" Oikawa starts to ask as Iwaizumi slings Oikawa's bag over his shoulder. His eyes widen as Iwaizumi hooks his arms under him, lifting him up. Oikawa isn't proud to admit that he lets out a surprised yelp, putting a hand to Iwaizumi's chest to brace himself.

The action has effectively stunned him into silence because Oikawa wordlessly observes as Iwaizumi starts to move and they get out of the gym, Iwaizumi locking up before he's walking down the path to their houses. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi's neck, hiding his face shyly. Occasionally, he'll glance up to just watch Iwaizumi, taking in his expression. The two continue to say nothing.

A couple times, Iwaizumi stops and lowers himself and Oikawa to the ground, keeping Oikawa in his lap as he rests for a minute or two before picking him back up and continuing to make their way home.

His best friend shouldn’t have had to do this, Oikawa knows that if he was going to be stupid, he should’ve done so in a way that wouldn’t drag Iwaizumi down with him. Instead, he’s stuck carrying Oikawa home, way late into the evening. Iwaizumi should’ve been home now, he should be having dinner and talking with his parents about what happened at school today. He shouldn’t be dealing with Oikawa right now.

Oikawa sees as they finally turn on to their street and he worries his lip for a moment before hesitantly pulling himself closer to Iwaizumi.

"Iwa-chan...?" he asks softly.

"Hm?"

"Are you... Are you mad at me...?"

Iwaizumi takes a deep breath and doesn't answer for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I'm not mad at you, Oikawa."

"But why not? You warned me about this and I didn't listen to you..." Oikawa mutters, feeling tears start to pool in his eyes again but now for a different reason.

"Yeah, I know, I did warn you about it." Iwaizumi finally looks down at him, stopping just outside Oikawa's gate. He adjusts his arms under Oikawa and leans forward, resting his head against Oikawa’s. "But that's not important right now. Making sure you're ok is."

Oikawa only looks back and nods.

Iwaizumi walks to the door then and Oikawa knocks for him. The front door swings open.

"Oh Tooru, sweetheart!" his mom gasps out, taking him from Iwaizumi's arms. "Sweetheart, what happened?"

While his mom starts to fret over him, he sees Iwaizumi give him a look before he quickly gets in a quiet "I'll be right back, just give me a minute” as Oikawa’s asked a million questions.

By the time he's explained what happened to his mom and he's resting on his bed, a compress on his knee again, a knock comes from his door before Iwaizumi peeks his head in and their eyes meet.

"Hey, my mom said I can sleep over, your mom said it's ok too," he tells Oikawa, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed. Oikawa nods and scoots over to let Iwaizumi lie down next to him. Iwaizumi does so. Oikawa rests his head on his shoulder and Iwaizumi rests his head on Oikawa’s in return.

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan… You told me I should’ve stopped and I didn’t listen, I’m so sorry,” he mutters, hugging on to Iwaizumi tightly.

“Hey, stop that, you’re ok,” Iwaizumi huffs out, pulling him closer. “It was stupid, yeah, you pushed yourself too far. But I’m just glad you’re ok right now. You scared the crap out of me, I didn’t expect to see you on the ground when I came in, I just was going to get you because you’d been practicing for a while.”

“But I’m not ok, I hurt myself…”

“But Tooru, look at me.” Hands cup Oikawa’s cheeks and he looks up to Iwaizumi, who lets out a breath as he looks back. “Tooru, I’m just glad you’re not in the gym in pain all alone. I don’t like that you’re hurt, like hell I would, but I’m just glad I was there, ok? I was there to help you, that’s all I’m worried about right now. We’ll figure the rest out later, I want you to just worry about resting for a while, that’s all you should be focusing on. I’m staying the night, I’m right here.”

Oikawa looks back down but nods, resting his head against Iwaizumi’s chest. “Ok… Ok, thank you for being here…”

“Of course,” Iwaizumi’s voice rumbles from his chest, and something about it soothes him. “It’s ok Tooru, it’s going to be ok.”

“It’s convenient it’s a Friday, huh?” Oikawa laughs out a little.

“Even if it wasn’t, I’d still be here.”

Oikawa doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to get over his crush on his best friend. It’s getting harder every day. But he can’t find it in himself to try and stop it at this point, because he just wants Iwaizumi close. They might not end up being soulmates but even if they aren’t, maybe, just maybe, Iwaizumi won’t be letting him go either.

Just before Oikawa falls asleep for the night, he glances up at Iwaizumi already asleep and he smiles to himself slightly.

“I love you, Hajime,” he whispers. His lips just barely press to Iwaizumi’s cheek before he buries himself into his best friend’s hold more, falling asleep in a matter of moments. He’s safe.

Life continues on as it always does and they get to high school, still playing volleyball together. In that time, they meet two other first years who become their closest friends, Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro, and things get a little easier for Oikawa. He has two other people to talk to now, and they quickly become the people he goes to to lament about his relationship problems.

“You guys are so lucky, why do you have to be graced with getting to meet your soulmate by the time you start high school?” Oikawa whines one day as they’re walking out of the convenience store they had dropped by for ice cream.

Hanamaki shrugs and Matsukawa drapes an arm over his soulmate’s shoulder, grinning at him. Oikawa pouts before Hanamaki lets out a laugh. “The universe just figured it was the right time for me to know my bae was out there in the world, Oikawa. I can’t help it if you haven’t been deemed prepared to finally deal with all of that sexual tension,” he says with a grin, the perfect one to match Matsukawa’s. The two really are made for each other, gross.

“Why don’t you just, I don't know, ask him out?” Matsukawa gives him a look and raises an eyebrow.

Oikawa just stares back at them with wide eyes, waving his arms around wildly.

“Are you crazy!?”

“Eh, just a little.”

Why does he come to the two of them again? Why does he always seem to put up with this suffering? Oh right, he remembers, because they’re the closest people to him that aren’t the literal object of his affections.

“I can’t just ask him out! He… He thinks dating is pointless before you bond with your soulmate, thinks you should wait and see what happens.” With a huff, Oikawa kicks a pebble down the sidewalk as the three of them casually make their way towards the park. “And he’s my best friend, I don’t want to… I don’t want to ruin things. He’d probably hate it if I end up being his soulmate.”

“Have you guys ever even talked about this? Like, an actual conversation?” Hanamaki sighs out, leaning his head into the crook of Matsukawa's neck.

Oikawa purses his lips slightly. "Yes, we have..." he tries, looking up to his friends. He's met with blank stares. "Ok, it was a long time ago! But we've still talked about it!"

The sudden heat in his cheeks causes Matsukawa to snort, so he assumes he's turned bright red. He shakes his head though and walks faster, huffing.

"Oikawa, we're just teasing, come back!" Hanamaki calls after him in a plea.

He turns back after a moment of hesitation and the two of them are looking at him sympathetically. Letting out a sigh, he walks back over to the two of them and smooshes himself between the pair. It helps relieve the ache in his chest when their arms wrap around him.

"I just don't know what I'll do with myself if he doesn't want this too..." Oikawa mutters into Hanamaki's shoulder.

A million guesses, a million speculations on what could happen, and Oikawa still finds himself at a loss every time he's reminded of that possibility. It's never gotten easier, he doesn't think it ever will. Things only seem to be getting harder. He only seems to be getting more and more attached.

Hanamaki rests his head against Oikawa's as he speaks up quietly. "If he's a total asshole to you about it, I'll sick Issei on him," he hums.

"I'll punch him if he breaks your heart," Matsukawa adds before Oikawa can get in a word of protest.

Oikawa just laughs shakily and wraps his arms around the two.

"Yeah?" Oikawa’s voice comes out weakly.

"Fuck yeah," the two respond in unison.

Maybe Oikawa will be ok. Just maybe.

By their second year of high school, Oikawa is dumped by another girlfriend, with her citing the reason that he's more interested in volleyball than he is in spending time with her. Honestly, he gets it, he hasn't been able to really get his heart into his previous relationships either. Though it's funny, because as occupied with volleyball as he has been for years while he's dated other people, this is the one time where it's actually not been that. Practice has just been an excuse to keep his mind off of the fact that he's now 16, the ideal time for most bonds to establish. He’s occupied by thoughts of his soulmate looming heavy over his head. So more volleyball it’s been, and he’s pretty sure his knee’s almost flared up a couple times, with him too stuck in his own head to really be careful. The Interhigh Preliminaries are starting soon though so he stops himself before he causes any really bad damage. He doesn’t need that on top of the stress of soulmates.

He’s been trying his best to not pay it any mind, he really has, but this past week, he’s felt agitated. It feels like something’s going to happen. He doesn’t know whether he’ll like it and part of him doesn’t exactly want to find out.

White surrounds him and he holds his breath as he looks around. This is it. This is what he thinks it is. He can’t seem to make himself face the person behind him for the longest time.

His heart could be broken as soon as he turns. All of his small moments of hope throughout the years, all the time he’s yearned for the person that he hasn’t faced yet to be his best friend because he can’t bear to imagine it being anyone else, all of it could be for nothing in a matter of seconds.

But it has to happen, it needs to and he has to face the music by facing whoever the universe wants him to be with, in whatever way they end up wanting things.

He takes a deep breath in and closes his eyes, turning around.

This is it.

His eyes open.

“Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa’s best friend is the one looking back at him and the two of them mirror each other’s expression, pure disbelief at what the universe has pulled together for them. It feels as if his heart has stopped.

Every single doubt, all of the fear that Oikawa’s had for years vanish in an instant. He completely forgets about his worries of whether or not Iwaizumi will even want their relationship to change as he feels tears pool in his eyes, only relieved that it’s Iwaizumi at all.

He throws himself at his best friends and starts to sob.

“Iwa-chan!!! Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, it’s-!! Oh my god,” he chokes out as arms wrap around him, the mere phantom of a touch but it’s enough to make nothing else in the world matter. “Iwa-chan, it’s you, it’s really you…”

Iwaizumi leans his head silently against Oikawa’s and holds him as he cries for a while. Once he stops though, Iwaizumi pulls back and gives him an amused look, raising an eyebrow with a snort. “Oh we are so going to kick ourselves when we figure this out,” he muses. Oikawa only bursts out into laughter and hugs him tightly again.

The world seems to stand still and yet eons seem to go by as the two just stay in the quiet presence of each other, taking everything in.

Soon enough though, Oikawa pulls away once again and rubs at his eyes, sniffling with a wide grin. “Guess this means you can’t ever get rid of me, huh Iwa-chan?” he teases and is rewarded with the oh-so-worthy sight of Iwaizumi groaning as he shoves him slightly.

“You are an absolute pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?” Iwaizumi grumbles, letting out a surprised huff as Oikawa leans into his space, resting his head on his shoulder as Oikawa looks at him with a bat of his eyelashes.

“I’m you’re pain in the ass though, you’re stuck with me because you’re my soulmateeeee!” Oikawa coos.

Iwaizumi looks down at him unamused before rolling his eyes and grinning. “You’re an idiot, of course I’m your soulmate. Didn’t ever want it to be anyone else.”

Every single thought in his head stops in an instant at the bombshell that’s just been dropped on him. Because Iwaizumi wanted Oikawa to be his soulmate just as Oikawa did. Iwaizumi wanted the one person most meant for him in the world to be Oikawa and he always has.

“Oh my god, we really are going to be kicking ourselves-“ They stare at each other for a moment before Oikawa groans loudly. “This is going to be awful!”

“I take it you know what’s going to happen when we wake up?”

With a pout, Oikawa nods. “We won’t remember it’s each other and the Recognition won’t happen because the universe hates us and wants us to suffer.”

Iwaizumi nods back at him. “I guess we just have to wait and see what happens then,” he says with a sad smile, sitting down. Oikawa sits down too and leans into him when he offers out his arm, holding him close. As their fingers lace together, Oikawa realizes what he’s been worried about if this ever were to happen. He has to wait to remember in his waking life, but he has to wait too to see what Iwaizumi will want. There’s nothing to do until then, so he just lets them get consumed by the silence.

“You’ve been on edge this past week, this why?” Oikawa hears Iwaizumi ask him softly, nuzzling his nose behind his ear.

“You noticed that?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I knew something was coming, I thought it might’ve been this…” Oikawa tells him, leaning back. “I didn’t want to deal with the idea of not having you be my soulmate, Iwa-chan. It’s been scaring me since I turned 16 I guess.”

“Mm,” Iwaizumi hums with a nod, thinking for a moment. “Well we don’t have to worry about that now, we’re soulmates.”

“Yeah, but we won’t remember it, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa frowns, looking at him.

“Hey, it’s honestly probably going to suck, but it’ll be ok, yeah? All that matters right now is that we know we’re soulmates. We can figure the rest out later.”

Despite the bad feeling that threatens to settle into him, Oikawa just nods and stays close to Iwaizumi for the rest of the night, the two of them just talking. It’s easy, it’s natural, and Iwaizumi’s probably right. They’ll figure it out. Eventually. For the time being, he’s in his best friend’s arms, and that is enough.

Oikawa’s eyes open as his alarm goes off and he sits up, blinking. He listens silently to the blaring sound of his phone for a minute before turning it off.

Silence.

He grabs his pillow and screams into it.

He’s finally met his soulmate! It’s finally happened! Oikawa can’t remember what they look like, of course, but all he can recall is feeling relief and as if he has a sense of peace and calm with his soulmate. They talked as if they’ve been doing so for years, not once did it feel like the two of them didn’t know what to do when talking to each other. So that’s a good sign at least.

His soulmate. He’s bonded with his soulmate.

Scrambling to grab his phone from the nightstand again, he hurriedly opens up his group chat with Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa.

Oikawa
GUYS GUYS GUYS, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Makki
We’ve finally discovered the secret behind why we ain’t never seen two pretty best friends?

Mattsun
Scientists finally found a way to give me back my brain cells?

Makki
The world finally realizes what a masterpiece The Princess Diaries is?

Mattsun
Bro, you watched without me?

Makki
Never bro, I can’t just watch without you ;)

Mattsun
You’re the best ;)
Anyways
You were abducted by aliens and they made you their leader, giving you galactic immunity when an extraterrestrial species finally comes to take over?

Oikawa
Nonono, shut up!
I BONDED WITH MY SOULMATE

Makki
OMG, you’re kidding

Oikawa
NOPE
Guys, I finally got to talk to them for the first time!

Iwa-chan
Why aren’t you guys getting ready for practice?

Mattsun
Backread

Iwa-chan
Huh
That reminds me, I actually bonded with mine last night too

Mattsun
👀

Makki
👀

Iwa-chan
What??

Mattsun
That’s awesome
Way to go, my dude

Makki
Gasp!
What am I to you, Matsukawa Issei? Am I just your side bro? I’m hurt, truly I am!

Mattsun
Nah babe, you’re not side bro material, you’re my main bro <3

Makki
Aww, knew you wouldn’t do me like that, love you babe <3

Oikawa
Oh my god, what the fuck is even happening here???

Iwa-chan
You’re asking as if you think I know

Oikawa
Makki, Mattsun, I mean this from the bottom of my heart…
We will never understand a single thing you say

Iwa-chan
I usually would disagree but I really can’t

Oikawa
Awwww, Iwa-chan!!

Iwa-chan
I didn’t say I like it

Makki
LOL

Oikawa
Be quiet Makki!
And meaaaaan Iwa-chan!!
You should really be nicer to me you know

Iwa-chan
Oh yeah? How come?

Oikawa stares at his phone and holds his breath for a moment, thinking of the response he wanted to type. He shakes his head, putting his phone away as he starts getting ready for school.

“Bye mom!” he calls out before heading out the door.

He knows exactly what he had wanted to put and he’d almost done it too. He really had, but he just keeps walking.

‘Because you could be my soulmate.’

Not much is said on either of their parts for a few weeks since that first night, no mentions of soulmates and how they’ve finally bonded with someone. It feels like untouchable territory, a place the two of them aren’t supposed to go with each other. For the most part, Iwaizumi doesn’t even seem to be super affected by it, though that could be due to him wanting to wait and see how things go, like he usually would. Sometimes Oikawa really could never tell with him, and it always seemed to pertain to potential romance. Years of friendship and being able to read Iwaizumi like a book and yet, what Oikawa wants to know most is what he has never been able to understand.

In the dreamscape, it doesn’t get much better either. They know that they’re each other’s soulmates then but they still have yet to talk about what it means for the both of them. At the very least, the agony of not knowing if Iwaizumi is his soulmate doesn’t plague Oikawa like in his waking hours. But he supposes knowing is also a certain kind of hell.

“Oh my gosh, ok, soulmates right?” Oikawa asks randomly one night with a wave of his hands, looking over to Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi nods, giving him his attention. “What about them?”

“Ok ok ok, so Makki and Mattsun are soulmates yeah? And they have that whole thing where they say they have a platonic bond but it is so clear that they are so into each other! Like, seriously, they have sleepovers together literally all the time, they flirt constantly, they kiss for fuck's sake, in front of everyone!” Oikawa huffs out with a shake of his head, pouting a bit as he thinks of his two entirely hopeless best friends. “Why haven’t they just talked about it? It’s clearly driving them up the wall, they both so badly want to be more to each other and they just… Don’t do anything!”

“Mm,” Iwaizumi hums out, nodding a bit. “Yeah, it’s pretty obvious, don’t know why they don’t just talk about it either. Matsukawa talks to me about Hanamaki a lot, he hasn’t really told me why he doesn’t say anything though.

“And I think that’s just ridiculous! You’re his friend after all, you could help him if they just told you!”

With a shrug, Iwaizumi looks over to him. "Well, there's not much I can do if they don’t, you know? I don't know, I can probably guess why he hasn’t done anything about it."

"Why's that, Iwa-chan?"

"I think he might be scared that telling him will make things awkward for the two of them. This has been their normal since they've met, they always do borderline flirty things to each other. He's probably too scared of things changing if he brings it up that he'd rather just deal with his feelings by himself and keep his friendship at all costs. It's more worth the uncertainty on if their feelings are reciprocated than taking the risk of Hanamaki never wanting to speak to them again," Iwaizumi explains, running a hand through his hair as he looks out, lost in thought for a moment. Before Oikawa can ask him what's wrong, he shakes his head. "But that's just my speculation, I can't make claims for them about what they’re feeling."

And it would make sense, Oikawa would know first-hand how that feels, nearly to a T. He huffs though and wraps his arms around his knees, leaning his chin on them. "For what it's worth, that is how Makki feels, he's told me that much at least. Sometimes I wish I could just shove the two of them in the storage room and lock it until they confess!" Oikawa exclaims, throwing his arms out before flopping back into Iwaizumi. He doesn't get a complaint for it as Iwaizumi's hands find their way into his hair without hesitation, like they're meant to be there. Looking up at his best friend, Oikawa sighs. "But I can't force them together, I know they need to figure it out on their own..."

"Mhm," Iwaizumi hums in response, looking back at him. "I wish we could just get them together too, but I know what you mean and you're right."

Oikawa lets out a hum of agreement before sighing softly.

"But hey, bright side, they're soulmates, we've got to trust that these things will work out. If they're meant to date, they'll get there. And we'll figure out we're each other's eventually." Iwaizumi looks down at him with a slight upturn of his lips.

"Not soon enough," Oikawa pouts.

Iwaizumi laughs and strokes his cheek with a thumb, and Oikawa stares up at him like he's hung every star in the sky. As far as how he sees it is concerned, Oikawa believes he has, and he'll get lost in all the constellations that Iwaizumi's made just for him for the rest of their lives if he can.

Every dream makes him feel lighter than he could've ever hoped for but that isn't any indication of whether or not his soulmate is Iwaizumi. In fact, he honestly remembers nothing when he wakes up, the only clue being the blurry image of dark brown hair. There’s no information he can recall, no stories or interests, nothing regarding his soulmate’s day-to-day life, there’s nothing that Oikawa can actually describe about his soulmate. Hardly promising at all, but he tries his best to take a page out of his best friend's book and just wait and see what happens.

Oikawa stares as Matsukawa kisses Hanamaki across the gym, wrinkling his nose up at the way Hanamaki's face lights up bright pink, all the way to the tips of his ears, right when Matsukawa turns towards Watari asking him something. He lets out an exasperated huff just as Iwaizumi walks past him and Iwaizumi slows down right next to him in order to look over at what's happening.

"They're at it again," Oikawa groans, rolling his eyes heavily.

"It's not even really a secret, I don't know how the two haven't figured it out yet," Iwaizumi comments in response as the two watch the soulmate pair.

After a moment of thought, Oikawa puts a finger to his chin. "Would I be a bad friend if I locked them in the storage room?"

A snort is all he gets as Iwaizumi responds with a quick "Yep" before he starts walking away.

"But Iwa-channnnn!" Oikawa then laments, following after his best friend in an attempt to explain why it would be the best plan of his entire life, his pièce de résistance of meddling, and how he’d be doing them a service.

The atmosphere had seemed to change for a split second, familiar in a way, but it was back to normal before Oikawa had been able to put much thought into it.

Oikawa
You know, soulmates can be such utter bullshit

Makki
Ugh, agreed

Oikawa
Like, why can’t I just know who tf I’m bonded to? Why can’t the universe ever makes things easy, you know???

Makki
I’m like, 99.9% sure it’s going to be Iwaizumi, come on

Oikawa
And if it’s not, I’ll be sad :(

Makki
And if it is and he breaks your heart, I’m still going to have Issei beat him up <3

Oikawa
I’ve been thinking about that lately and I’m gonna be honest, I don’t get how that would help my case

Makki
It’d let him know to get his head out of his ass and see what a sexy fuckin’ babe you are

Oikawa
Careful Makki, we wouldn’t want to make your not-boyfriend jealous!

Makki
That was a low blow

Oikawa
Ok yeah
I’ll admit that was a cheap shot
I promise I’ll only insult you in the classiest of ways from now on <3

Makki
<3 I don’t expect anything less
Aren’t you supposed to be studying?

Oikawa
Iwa-chan’s not back from the store yet :(

Makki
Lol that sucks

Oikawa
Your lack of sympathy is so rude, Makki, don’t you love me? :((

Makki
You want the nice answer or the honest one?

Oikawa
RUDE

“I’m back,” Iwaizumi calls out as he bumps the door open, carrying plastic bags in each hand.

Oikawa looks up from his phone with a grin, tossing it on to his bed. “Yay! Did you get-?”

“Yes, I got you milk bread,” Iwaizumi cuts him off, sitting down. He grunts suddenly as Oikawa flings himself at his best friend.

“You’re the best, Iwa-chan!”

“I get you milk bread once a week, what are you even talking about?” Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow at him and Oikawa nearly kisses all over his adorably confused face, barely managing to stop himself as he remembers that he and Iwaizumi aren’t dating and that his best friend doesn’t even know about Oikawa’s feelings for him.

“But you choose to spend money on me and I love that you do so by buying me food!” Oikawa hums, burying his face aggressively into Iwaizumi’s neck as he hugs on tighter.

“Yeah yeah, I got it. You better hope your soulmate knows how to cook or you’re going to starve,” Iwaizumi jokes and Oikawa nearly jumps at the word “soulmate.” It’s been the first time he’s even heard Iwaizumi say it ever since they both bonded with their respective soulmates, whoever they might be, but he then processes the rest of the statement.

“Hey, I know how to cook!” Oikawa retorts, pouting.

“Instant ramen doesn’t count and you can’t live off of that for the rest of your life.”

Oikawa crawls off of Iwaizumi’s lap and sits back in front of his own textbooks, crossing his arms. “Hmph! Well, what if I just stay with you forever? Will you make me food? You’ll make me food, right?”

Iwaizumi’s face suddenly turns bright red and his eyes widen, causing Oikawa to burst out laughing in surprise. Sputtering for an answer as Oikawa finds himself laughing even harder, Iwaizumi just decides to shove him a bit before hiding his face in his hands.

“Oikawa, what the actual fuck?” Oikawa hears from behind Iwaizumi’s hands.

Taking a few deep breaths to stop his giggles, Oikawa sits up and smirks at him, shrugging. “Well, you and I both know you’re stuck with me no matter what, so why shouldn’t I get food out of it? You already buy me milk bread like the amazing friend you areeee,” he teases, poking at one of Iwaizumi’s cheeks which are still very red. Iwaizumi only glares at him. Oikawa doesn’t find it very intimidating.

“Did you not hear me? What about your soulmate, idiot?”

“Well, how do you know I’ll even end up living with my soulmate?” Oikawa questions.

“Significant others generally do.”

“I don’t know if my soulmate is romantic or not, Iwa-chan, I might have a platonic one!”

“I’m pretty sure yours is going to be romantic.”

Oikawa blinks. Well, that seems like too much to begin unpacking right now. “But still, you’ll make sure to take care of me and stop me from having to survive on milk bread and ramen for the rest of my life, right? Because you care about me, your bestest friend in the entire world?” He grins, looking at Iwaizumi expectantly.

He receives a look before Iwaizumi sighs, huffing a little. “We should get back to studying.”

“Fineeeee,” Oikawa whines, slumping against the kotatsu with a pout. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at his behavior but still spends their time that afternoon feeding him milk bread.

That night, Oikawa’s facing Iwaizumi in the dreamscape with a smirk. “Told you you’d be taking care of me~” he hums. Iwaizumi just groans.

More months go by and Oikawa finds himself not thinking about his soulmate as much. And sure, it could just be because they’re in the thick of it with training for another upcoming tournament, but Oikawa wants to think it’s because he’s not considering it too much of a big deal, not as drastically as before anyways. Sure, he was still worried, but Iwaizumi was still around and they were still friends, just like they always have been. They’ve been spending more time together recently and it’s been calming his thoughts lately. His best friend just brings about a sense of clarity to his life. Oikawa’s more than lucky to have him, soulmate or not.

For Oikawa’s 17th birthday, Iwaizumi takes him out stargazing, a tradition that they’ve been doing since he turned 8. It’s always been one of the things he looks forward to the most on his birthday. Last year had been a bit tense for him, soulmate issues and all, but Oikawa now knew he at least had one so it wasn’t nearly as stressful this time around.

Thinking about that, Oikawa turns his head from where he’d been resting it on Iwaizumi’s chest, resting his chin on his hands with a smile. “Hey Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi blinks and looks down to meet his eyes. “What’s up?”

“Do you have a favorite constellation?”

“For any particular reason or just in general?”

Oikawa thinks for a moment before shrugging. “In general, I guess,” he hums out, smiling at Iwaizumi’s cute little thinking face.

“Cygnus probably,” Iwaizumi answers after a moment of thought.

“Can you see it this time of year?”

“Yeah, around June to October, you want to see it?”

With a grin, Oikawa nods and Iwaizumi smiles at him, turning him over to lie on his back on top of him. Oikawa’s heartbeat speeds up as one of Iwaizumi’s hands is placed over his chest to hold him in place, his other gently grabbing at Oikawa’s wrist to guide his hand. He can feel Iwaizumi’s breath against his neck as his chin is hooked over his shoulder.

“Let’s see here…” Iwaizumi mutters, rubbing his thumb over Oikawa’s wrist as he's looking up at the sky. He lets out a small “aha” before guiding Oikawa’s hand up directly over their heads. “There we go… Alright, see right above us, that bright star right there?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s Vega, it's the brightest star in what's called the Summer Triangle. The three stars that make it up belong to three different constellations, Vega is part of Lyra, Altair down to the right of Vega is from Aquila, and Deneb to the left of Vega is from Cygnus. See them?”

Oikawa looks up where Iwaizumi points his hand and nods, turning his head to lean it against Iwaizumi’s gently. “Mhm, I see it,” he mutters out.

“Well, Deneb makes up the tail of Cygnus, it’s a swan. Those three going left to right make up the body–“ Oikawa’s finger is tracing the line– “and three stars branch off on each side of the star next to Deneb.”

“It’s pretty,” he says softly, smiling to himself as he follows the lines Iwaizumi’s laid out for him with his eyes. His wrist is let go as Iwaizumi’s other arm wraps around his waist to join the other.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, very pretty, Iwa-chan. Does it have a story?”

“A couple different ones, I assume you want to hear one, huh?” His best friend lets out a laugh right next to his ear.

“Duh, why else would I ask?” Oikawa teased just to be bratty.

A squeeze to his side suddenly catches him offguard and causes him to let out a squeak. “Alright you brat, be quiet, I’ll tell you the story.”

“Thank you~”

Letting out a huff of amusement, Iwaizumi nuzzles his head against Oikawa’s as he starts. "One is the Greek myth about Cygnus and Phaethon and Greek myths can vary from telling to telling but this one is my favorite. Phaethon is Helios’ son, he’s mainly known for when he convinces his father to let him drive the sun chariot for a day and he ends up not being able to control it. He ended up burning part of the sky, making the Milky Way, and parts of the Earth, making part of the land uninhabitable, so Zeus struck the chariot down with a lightning bolt to prevent any further damage. Phaethon fell to the Earth and died in the process as Helios took over control of the chariot again, and his body landed in the river Eridanus."

"That seems drastic," Oikawa mutters out, furrowing his eyebrows.

Iwaizumi lets out a snort at the comment. "Yeah well, what can you do? Anyways, Cygnus was a close friend to Phaethon and saw him fall into the river, and he went to go retrieve his body so he could be properly buried and make sure his soul found peace. Proper burial was really important to the Ancient Greeks. He grieved and tried for several days to get Phaethon but the water was too deep. The gods saw him struggling and offered to turn him into a swan so that he could get to him. If he agreed though, he'd only live as long as a swan's normal lifespan. Cygnus immediately accepted the offer though and he was able to get Phaethon's body. After he died, his selflessness and devotion were so touching that Zeus put him in the night sky as a constellation."

After Iwaizumi finishes, Oikawa turns to look at him, squinting his eyes a bit. "Why is that one your favorite, Iwa-chan? It's so sad!" he whines.

“It’s not that sad, people die as a part of Greek myths all the time!”

“But part of this one is that he’s mourning, Iwa-chan, mourning! Usually someone goes to rescue them from the Underworld or goes on a rampage of destruction to avenge them, like a normal person!”

“I’d hate to see how you think mourning should go,” Iwaizumi comments and Oikawa huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Still, you know what I mean! It’s sad!”

"Well yeah, I guess it is a bit sad. But… I don't know, it reminds me a bit of you, actually. Besides the dying part, we're skipping that," Iwaizumi muses and Oikawa laughs loudly before snuggling into him a bit, listening. "But just in terms of Phaethon feeling he needs to prove himself and show everyone what he's capable of, even though there's nothing he needs to prove to anyone. He's the son of a god, people shouldn't feel the need to doubt what he can do. He takes on more than he can handle because people make him feel like he's not doing enough, and he ends up getting hurt for it."

The uncomfortable truth of that isn't lost on Oikawa as Iwaizumi explains it to him and he only finds himself able to nod a bit in response, letting out a small "Ah..." He wasn't expecting the answer to be that honest, and he's not quite sure how to even react to the sentiment. It was only natural his best friend knew of his deepest insecurities but this was the one he wished he had been able to hide away.

"But-" Iwaizumi suddenly speaks up, meeting his eyes, "-I'm also not going to just let you deal with that yourself. It doesn't matter what I need to do, you're not going to be alone. I'm not going to let that happen, ever."

"Iwa-chan..." Oikawa breathes out quietly, feeling his heart about ready to burst, the sensation only getting stronger at the way Iwaizumi is looking back at him. So of course he ruins the atmosphere to avoid his own feelings by shoving at his chest, smirking. “That was so sappy, who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

Iwaizumi fixes him with an unimpressed look. “What, I can’t be nice to you?”

“No, I mean, you should because you loveeee me, but you’re just so grumpy all the time, you sound like such a sap right now!” Oikawa hums and he smirks more when he gets a scoff as Iwaizumi’s rolling his eyes.

“I can’t do anything with you, dear god,” Iwaizumi groans, ruffling at his hair. Oikawa giggles and turns to rest his cheek against Iwaizumi’s, closing his eyes as the ruffling turns to Iwaizumi’s fingers running gently through his hair. The two continue to watch the stars above them.

Oikawa’s half asleep when he talks again.

"Hey Iwa-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think they were soulmates? Cygnus and Phaethon?" Oikawa asks him softly, tracing featherlight patterns into Iwaizumi's shirt with his finger, eyes half open.

Iwaizumi stays silent for a moment before resting his chin on the top of his head, pressing his lips to his hair while he thinks. Oikawa pretends in his mind that it’s a kiss. "I think it's possible," his best friend eventually answers, voice quiet and far off.

Oikawa smiles as the two keep looking at the stars. "I bet they were,” he mutters. “Phaethon's lucky to have someone like Cygnus, I'd hope the universe saw that."

Chapter Text

Almost an entire year has gone by since Oikawa's bonded with Iwaizumi when they're standing in front of a door in the dreamscape one night. He turns his head to see Iwaizumi already looking at him and he grins.

“Are you ready?” Iwaizumi asks.

Oikawa gives him a nod before shrugging. “Though I can’t imagine what it would even show us, we’ve always been in each other’s lives! I know everything about you and you know everything about me, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi just looks at him for a moment, watching him, and the action’s quickly becoming slightly unnerving. He can’t seem to make out any of Iwaizumi’s thoughts for some reason, because he just keeps staring.

“What?” Oikawa asks hesitantly.

Iwaizumi stares a moment longer before he shakes his head, walking over to the door. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.” Grabbing at the door handle, Iwaizumi pulls it open. “Let’s get going then, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Oikawa smiles at him and squares his shoulders, walking through the doorway.

A loud gasp leaves Oikawa’s mouth before he realizes that it wasn’t present day him doing so but rather him as a kid, as he stares out over the field in front of the two of them, taking in how it stretches on and on. It’s nothing compared to the sky though as he looks up, stars scattered all over the darkness. Nothing but wonder and awe fills his thoughts, little him having never seen anything quite so amazing before.

“Well?” little Iwaizumi asks almost nervously from next to him and he’s turning his head to beam brightly at his best friend.

“Iwa-chan, it’s amazing!!!” Oikawa exclaims excitedly, tackling the other boy to the ground and aggressively hugging him. Iwaizumi starts to laugh from under him and he joins in, absolutely giddy as uncontrollable giggles escape his mouth.

“Alright boys, the blanket’s set up, come on,” Iwaizumi’s mom calls out, walking over to the two of them rolling around in the grass. Looking up, Oikawa smiles brightly at her and scrambles to his feet, pulling Iwaizumi up with him.

“Yes Auntie!” He tugs Iwaizumi along with him, bouncing up and down excitedly.

After she gets a very energetic Oikawa settled and makes sure to button up their coats, she presses a kiss to his and Iwaizumi’s hair. “If it gets cold, there are blankets in the trunk, and your mother and I will be right over by the car if you two need anything ok?”

Iwaizumi nods. “Thank you Mom.”

“Yeah, thank you!!”

She laughs and gives Oikawa’s cheek a gentle squeeze to which he giggles. “Of course, have fun,” she tells them before walking over to where Oikawa’s mom is standing.

Oikawa watches after her until their moms start talking before he turns to Iwaizumi, tackling him to the ground again. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

“I get it, you like the surprise, you can get off me you dork!” Iwaizumi exclaims, making absolutely no moves to actually push him off.

“No,” Oikawa says, burying his face into Iwaizumi’s chest with a grin, content right where he is and refusing to leave.

“The stars are up there though, how are you gonna see them like this?”

At this revelation, Oikawa gasps and quickly turns his head to look up at the sky, eyes wide as he just takes everything in.

His 8th birthday, when they had first started their little tradition. It had been a spontaneous idea Iwaizumi had and despite Oikawa having thought Iwaizumi would never be able to keep a secret from him, he kept all of it under wraps until that evening and Oikawa had absolutely been none the wiser about any of it. One of the best surprises Iwaizumi has ever had for him, and he doesn’t know if anything will ever really be able to top it. The two watch the stars for a while, Iwaizumi telling him some really simple facts about the stars here and there, and it’s only as little Oikawa buries himself further into Iwaizumi that he’s able to figure out why this is one of the memories being shared.

“Hey Iwa-chan, what do you think about soulmates?” he asks simply enough, nothing but curiosity in his voice. There was no fear back then, no worries about if Iwaizumi would be his soulmate or whether or not he would want Oikawa in a romantic way, and Oikawa finds himself missing just how little it seemed to matter that very first year.

“Soulmates?”

“Mhm, do you think you’ll have one?”

“I mean, maybe? I don’t know, most people have them, I guess I probably will too.” Iwaizumi shrugs a bit. Well, he had been right there, Oikawa supposed.

“That’s true… I know I’m gonna have one though, I just feel it!” Another correct statement!

“Who do you think it’s gonna be?”

The question causes him to pause for a moment, and he starts to think about it for a good long while. “Hmmmm…” he hums out, his eyes narrowing in concentration as if the stars are going to give him the answers. “Well, I dunno! There are so many people out there! But I think I want it to be you!”

His best friend doesn’t react to that in any negative sort of way luckily, though present-day Oikawa mentally cringes at himself, knowing that he has to bear with all of this until the dreamscape decides to have mercy on him and switch to another memory. Hopefully a less embarrassing one, hopefully one where Iwaizumi can’t see how desperately infatuated with him he’s been all his life. Even when he hadn't even been aware of it, he was head-over-heels for his best friend it seems.

“Me?”

“Mhm!” Oikawa hums out, nodding. “Because no one’s ever gonna be better than my Iwa-chan, and I want to be with you forever and ever!”

“You don’t need to be my soulmate for that though,” Iwaizumi laughs out, raising an eyebrow at him with a sweet fondness.

“But if I am, I’ll have a better chance, right? Cause the universe will want us to be together forever!”

“If you’re my soulmate or if you’re not, I still won’t go anywhere.”

Oikawa’s smile slips a little as he hides his face from Iwaizumi discreetly, muttering out a small, scared little “Promise?”

Iwaizumi nods. “Promise.”

The dreamscape finally decides he’s suffered enough as it switches over, a memory from middle school starting as Oikawa’s finding himself helping to get the gym cleaned up for the day.

His head feels mixed-up and past him seemed to have really had a lot on his mind that day. Most of the thoughts are centered around Kageyama, because of course they were. He really just could not get his act together before Iwaizumi-

Oh-

A slight shift in the memory finds him wiping some sweat from his forehead as he thinks out loud to himself, resting his hands on his knees.

“Shit, that one was too slow,” he mutters, frowning at where his serve had landed. “That’s what, my 34th one and I still can’t get my act together? Come on Tooru, you can do better than this!” If only he’d known the irony of that statement at the time. He needed to get a handle on himself in a completely different way than what he was thinking that evening. And he knew that this was where that would quickly change, in a split second.

Taking a deep breath, he spins the volleyball he grabbed in his hands, narrowing down where he plans on aiming the serve. He tosses it up, running forward with his eyes locked on to it as he jumps. His hand makes contact, he starts to look for where it is supposed to land, and his feet touch the ground.

There’s only pain.

This time around, Oikawa already knows how it plays out. He knows Iwaizumi is going to find him, knows he’ll start to take care of him, knows he’ll carry him home. As much as the guilt still eats at him from time to time when he thinks back on this moment, he finds himself watching Iwaizumi’s concentration as he goes about them and feels thankful for the care and attention, even if it’s only a reenactment of the actual moment. Out of all the sticky situations Oikawa had gotten himself into, Iwaizumi has been there for every single one, always there to help him pick up the pieces should he get hurt, and this moment in his life was always going to be the biggest example of that.

Iwaizumi gets him home and as he slips out the door to head over to his house, his mom is looking over him worriedly as she lays him down on the couch.

“Ok ok, deep breaths, before you tell me what happened, what hurts? What do you need?”

Oikawa grimaces a bit as he sits up a little bit and accidentally shifts his leg. “My knee, I need to ice it.”

Giving him a nod, his mom quickly gets up to get a compress from the kitchen, sitting down next to the couch in front of him. “Which knee?”

“The right one.”

She presses it down slowly on his knee to which he lets out a hiss and she holds the back of his head with a hand. “I know I know, it’s ok, you’re doing so good. So good, Tooru, it’ll be ok,” she whispers gently to him, resting her forehead against his as he feels a few tears run down his face.

“It hurts,” he whimpers out before gritting his teeth, wrapping his arms around her neck.

She holds on to him for a moment, running her fingers through his hair. “I know, I know it hurts, I’m so sorry it does, sweetheart.” Adjusting the compress a bit until he’s able to relax, she pulls away to look at him. “So what happened?”

“I was practicing my jump serves and when I landed on the last one, I felt a really sharp pain in my knee and it gave out.”

“You collapsed?” she breathes out, staring at him wide-eyed.

He nods, biting his lower lip as he adjusts the compress a little. “Yeah, yeah I… It hurts a lot, I thought I wouldn’t be able to get home…”

“Well hey, you are now, you’re right here and it’ll be just fine.” His mom rubs his uninjured knee comfortingly, offering up a small smile and while it’s hard, he makes the effort to smile back.

“Yeah,” Oikawa breathes out quietly. “Only thanks to Hajime though, he was the one who found me.”

“I’m glad to know you have someone like Hajime-kun to look out for you, someone’s gotta do it when I can’t," she chuckles lightly.

The comment makes Oikawa laugh and he nods, smiling sheepishly. Current day Oikawa finds it amusing too, agreeing with the sentiment more now than ever. He really is lucky, really really lucky, that Iwaizumi’s in his life, through it all. When he needs someone to talk to, when he wants someone to share just as much passion about what he enjoys, when he’s gotten so blinded by insecurity that he can’t see the ruin he’s causing to himself, when girlfriends have left, when old kouhais have made him fear that he’ll never be good enough at the thing he loves the most, Iwaizumi’s always been there for him, no ands, ifs, or buts. It isn’t uncommon for him to think about whether or not he even deserves it all, whether or not Iwaizumi would be better off moving past him and never looking back, but his own thoughts are irrelevant, because Iwaizumi’s still there all the same. Considering just how much Iwaizumi’s always done for him, he starts to think about whether or not he’s been doing enough in return.

The memory keeps on going, goes through his mom finally getting him up to bed, goes through Iwaizumi coming back to spend the night, and finally, past Iwaizumi’s fallen asleep, past Oikawa looking at him fondly, the affection written on his face clear as day. Despite Oikawa’s silent pleas that that is where this memory gets cut off, his confession is whispered out, his lips pressing gently to Iwaizumi’s cheek, before he settles into Iwaizumi’s hold in the memory, and it then fades to another.

And fantastic, as if Iwaizumi seeing the kiss wasn’t embarrassing enough, the next memory shows even more of his desperation! When he was 8, things could slide, the affection was cute, but at 16, not so much! In fact, Oikawa would say that his hand running frustratedly through his hair, messing it up as he glares unhappily down at the piece of paper in front of him doesn’t do him any favors, he likely looks depressingly desperate.

“16 years, friends for 16 years and I have fucking nothing!” Oikawa yells out to himself before resting his cheek on his hand, eyes looking over the list on the aforementioned sheet of paper. Multiple things are crossed out, others have copious amounts of question marks written after them, and not a single one is good enough. If that wasn’t bad enough, it’s not the only one, four or five more lists crumpled up and strewn around the current one. Throwing his pencil down, Oikawa lets his head thump against his desk, moaning to himself in near-defeat, when his phone pings. When he picks it up, it’s a text from Hanamaki, and in his panic, he’s sending an SOS message to his friend.

“What’s the Haji-mergency?” Hanamaki asks quickly as he throws Oikawa’s door open, rushing in only to stop as he sees Oikawa still facedown at his desk. “What the hell happened?”

“Iwa-chan being born happened,” Oikawa mutters out pitifully.

Hanamaki raises an eyebrow at him as he turns his head just a bit to look over. “I don’t follow but go on,” he says slowly, sitting down on Oikawa’s bed.

Oikawa finally sits up, running his hand through his hair to move it out of the way before he lets out a sigh and turns to face Hanamaki properly. “Ok so, Iwa-chan’s birthday is in two weeks, and I still have no idea what to do for it or what to get him! I’ve tried thinking of everything, and none of it is good enough for him, nothing I can come up with is nearly as much as he deserves, and I should know what to do because we’ve been best friends since we were born, Makki! His best friend can’t even think of what the hell to do for his birthday!” Oikawa exclaims, flailing his hands around. Dear god, Iwaizumi is getting to see this.

“Woah hey,” Hanamaki says as he raises up a hand, giving him a look that tells him he’s flown off the handle and that things are not nearly as bad as he’s making them out to be. He's made a habit out of giving that look whenever Oikawa's talking about Iwaizumi. “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? He’d love anything you come up with, you know that better than anyone.”

Oikawa levels him with a unimpressed look, though Hanamaki doesn’t back down in the slightest, only returning the look right back. Not one to back down either, Oikawa presses on. “Do I, Makki? Because I’m really feeling like this will end in disaster if I don’t make sure he’s going to absolutely love it!”

The two continue to look at each other before Hanamaki’s expression softens to that of concern. “Ok, what’s going on with you? You didn’t freak out like this last year for his birthday.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t exactly know I had a soulmate then, and what if it’s him? What if he’s my soulmate? I need to make sure it’s perfect, that’s what a soulmate should be able to do, but nothing I think of is going to work, it’s all garbage!”

“And if it’s not perfect? What then?” Hanamaki asks him.

He doesn’t answer for a long while, because he knows what he thinks it would mean. Closing his eyes, he lets out a laugh and hugs his arms around himself before looking Hanamaki in the eye. “Then I couldn’t possibly be his soulmate, not when I failed so miserably.”

Hanamaki gives him a sympathetic look, to which he only smiles ruefully. Oikawa knows it’s pitiful, but it doesn’t really matter at this point. Even looking back on the memory, it doesn’t feel like some old remnant of a past mindset, an old fear. This one is very much alive, though if he really thinks about it, all of them, even from when he was young, are. None of them have gone away, they’ve just become predictable, they lack the novelty that they once did, because he’s gotten used to fearing them.

“Did you know that for my birthday, he takes me out stargazing?” Oikawa asks after a long moment of silence, sighing wistfully as he recalls the tradition and all of his past birthdays out in the same field. “Ever since we were 8, he’s done that. Our moms had stayed with us the first few years, then for a couple they just dropped us off for a few hours, but for the past few, it’s just been the two of us. We get on the train, head to the edge of town, and we just stay out there for as long as I want. Every year he has new facts about stars for me, and when I turned 13, that’s when he started telling me stories about the constellations. It’s the same thing every year, I know it’s not new or unique anymore because I already know that it's what he's planning, but that’s never mattered, because he knew I’d love it when we were 8 and he knows I love it just as much now. And he still gets me something every year too, something I always love. That does change every year but he still knows just what to get me even then. I just…”

He pauses, tears welling up in his eyes, like if he avoids continuing with his thought, that will stop it from becoming real. It won’t though, and he knows it’ll feel better for someone to know. He hadn’t expected this to have come up in his memories though and current Oikawa can’t bear the realization that Iwaizumi’s about to see the most pathetic part of him possible due to that decision.

“What if I’m not enough? What if I’ve never been enough for him, and he’s just wasting his time on me when he deserves to have a pretty girlfriend who pays him enough attention and makes him laugh and doesn’t just push his buttons or argue with him and knows how to make him feel a little less like the world is falling apart when he has a bad day and can always come up with the best gifts for him for his birthdays, who knows exactly what makes him happy and then is able to just give it to him, then and there? I know I’m a lot, I know I tease and bug him just to see how annoyed he’ll get, I know I have enough insecurities to fill an entire goddamn book series, I know I get too wrapped up in volleyball for anyone I date to feel like I actually care about them. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me, Makki, he needs someone to actually love.” After he stops, it sinks in for a moment. Taking a shuddering breath, he finally buries his face in his hands and he cries. He hears some shuffling and he feels Hanamaki press into his back and lean over him, holding him tight.

“I’m here, ok? As much as I tease, I'm here and it’ll be ok, I promise you it will,” Hanamaki whispers, and while he didn’t feel like it at the time this happened, Oikawa can only pray that Hanamaki's right, or else he’s not sure he can face Iwaizumi when they find out about everything.

“Do you want me to stay over?” Oikawa hears muffled into his hair and as he lets out a quiet sob, he nods, Hanamaki pulling him closer.

Everything fades back out to the white space, the end of the memories their bond has deemed important, and Oikawa keeps his eyes off of Iwaizumi as silence is the only thing he hears, no possible way for him to pass all of what his best friend just saw off as a fleeting moment of weakness, so he braces himself.

Iwaizumi leans over and appears in his peripheral, looking over at him. “Tooru?” he asks quietly, and Oikawa glances to meet his eyes for just a moment, seeing the worried frown Iwaizumi’s giving him, before he breaks the eye contact, staring straight in front of him again as he tries not to let Iwaizumi see how badly he's shaking. He can vaguely feel tears running down his face.

“Hey, Tooru, c’mere,” Iwaizumi says softly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, pulling him to move closer. Oikawa moves with little resistance, easily being sat down in Iwaizumi’s lap as his best friend rests his chin on his hair. “You know… You know none of that is true, right? That what you’re worried about won’t happen?”

“Clearly I don’t,” Oikawa laughs out wetly, burying his face into the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck.

“Then I’m telling you, none of it is. Not a single thing. You already know I’m your soulmate here, so that worry isn’t something that’ll happen.” Iwaizumi takes a deep breath before he presses his nose to Oikawa’s hair. “I know I probably really suck at showing it, I know I’m not the best at talking about my feelings… But I love you too, I couldn’t have asked for a better soulmate even if I tried, you are enough for me. Sure, you mess with me, but don’t I do the same thing? Don’t I call you names and make fun of when you’re being a drama queen?”

Oikawa laughs a little at that, smiling just a bit. He feels Iwaizumi smile into his hair too.

“But you do make me happy, I know you care about me, and seeing that last memory proves that to me even more. I know in that pretty little head of yours, you’re probably thinking I’ve finally seen how pathetic you are, but you’re not pathetic. I know you have a lot of insecurities, I know you get wrapped up in volleyball, something you love with so much of your heart, and that’s ok with me, none of that has scared me off before and it certainly won’t now. Your past girlfriends haven’t understood just how much volleyball means to you, you do make time for them, it’s not your fault that it takes practice to be where you are. This is something we do together, you let me into your world by playing with me, you let me see all of it, you trust me to encourage you, push you where you need to be pushed, look out for you if you’re overdoing it. I don’t remember a single girlfriend you’ve had that’s even asked you about the basic rules of what you’ve dedicated yourself to so completely. I’m right here with you though and I’ve never felt like I don’t have enough of your attention. I know you’d do what you could if I ever needed you to step away from it, you’re always there to make me feel better after a crappy day, you make me laugh, I’m happy with what we have already, and I feel included in your life. I love you, I love you so so much, and if you need me to tell you that a million times, I’ll do that and then an extra ten just to be sure.”

“Only ten?” Oikawa finally teases a little, pulling back to raise an eyebrow at Iwaizumi with a smile.

Letting out a chuckle, Iwaizumi smirks back at him. “There it is, that’s my bossy Tooru~” Despite the wording, Oikawa feels the affection behind it, no sense of mocking in his tone. “How’s does one-hundred sound, huh?”

“Mmm, we’re getting there,” Oikawa hums and Iwaizumi lets out a full-body laugh this time, hugging him tight. He hugs back, burying himself into Iwaizumi’s hold once again as everything fades.

Opening his eyes, Oikawa stares up at the ceiling, trying to think back on what memories were even shared. Once again, he remembers nothing but the vague feeling of safety, and he doesn’t know whether to be happy at the feeling or cry at yet again having no clues about his soulmate.

It’s only a few days later when Oikawa finds himself standing in front of the same door that showed Iwaizumi his memories, and he knows that this time, it’ll be his turn to learn about what’s become significant to his best friend.

“Any clue what they’ll be?” he hears himself ask, glancing over at Iwaizumi from his peripherals with a smile.

With a shake of his head, Iwaizumi steps to the door and opens it once again. “No idea, but whatever it is, I trust you.”

Oikawa doesn’t know what response he can give to that, not that would express quite what he wants it to, so he just nods at Iwaizumi with a soft, understanding look before stepping to the door.

He hadn’t quite known how Iwaizumi experienced his memories, unsure if he had also physically stayed in his body like Oikawa had, seeing as Iwaizumi was a part of the memories themselves, but now he guesses he does, standing off to the side and watching little Iwaizumi watch as little Oikawa bounds over to him, a big smile on his face.

“Iwa-chan, come help me practice!” little Oikawa exclaims excitedly, a volleyball in his hands. Looking at it, that was the first one he’d ever owned, wasn’t it? It still looks brand-new, clearly yet to be well-loved from constant use.

“But why do you need me?” Iwaizumi asks, looking up from a ladybug crawling along his hand.

“Because I can’t just practice by myself! I gotta practice passing, it’ll be fun!” Oikawa explains to him, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waits for his best friend’s answer expectantly.

Weirdly enough, current Oikawa doesn’t know the thoughts going on in little Oikawa’s head, he can’t hear them like he was able to in his own memories, but he’s pretty sure he knew that Iwaizumi was going to agree at the time, not as if Iwaizumi ever really denied him anything before nor does so now. His suspicions are confirmed as Iwaizumi puts the ladybug down on a blade of grass before standing up, dusting off his shorts. “Fine,” he sighs simply enough, only for his eyes to go wide as little Oikawa lets out a squeal and grabs his wrist, dragging him along excitedly. He could be wrong, but he thinks he sees for a moment as little Iwaizumi smiles.

Shifting memories, Oikawa watches as a slightly older Iwaizumi runs a frustrated hand through his hair, sitting against the wall of their elementary school gym.

“What’s wrong, Iwa-chan?” a slightly older Oikawa asks, tilting his head questioningly at Iwaizumi’s behavior.

Looking up at him, Iwaizumi gives him a very rare but very cute pout, resting his chin on his knees. “I just can’t get the hang of how to jump, it shouldn’t be this hard! It’s not like it’s something like receiving, you just jump, but I’m having trouble with jumping,” Iwaizumi tells him, brow furrowing.

“Well, why should it be easy?” Oikawa questions, to which Iwaizumi gives him a weird look but his expression doesn’t change as he looks down at Iwaizumi, completely serious about the inquiry.

“Because you just jump, Tooru, anyone can jump.”

“But Coach’s been teaching us that there’s a correct way to make our approach, so it’s not that simple. He wouldn’t be teaching us that if it was just jumping.”

Iwaizumi looks across the gym at nothing in particular, pressing his lips together into a thin line. “Well, I guess..”

“Besides, that last one looked better, you’ll get the hang of it! We just gotta keep practicing, and I know you can do that!” Beaming, Oikawa finally gets to see as Iwaizumi looks back at him before smiling a bit, nodding.

“Yeah,” he agrees, letting Oikawa pull him up to get back to practice, Oikawa letting out a whoop as Iwaizumi manages to get in an even better jump shortly after.

Another shift, another memory with Oikawa in it.

“Hey Iwa-chan, d’ya wanna go see that movie that just came out yesterday? Mom said she could take us this weekend since I know you said Auntie has something planned, and I know you mentioned really wanting to see it a couple months ago!” Oikawa brings up as they’re walking home from school, unwrapping the ice pop they’d just bought as he looks over at his best friend.

Giving him a slight look of surprise, possibly at the unprompted question, Iwaizumi thinks about what he asked before nodding. “Yeah, sounds good,” he says, unwrapping his own ice pop and putting it in his mouth. Oikawa laughs as Iwaizumi makes a face, reaching his hand over and making a grabbing motion for it. “What are you-?” Iwaizumi starts to ask before Oikawa interrupts him.

“Give it to me,” Oikawa says simply.

“Why?”

“So we can switch, give me yours.” Without waiting for Iwaizumi to respond, he grabs the ice pop from his hand and replaces it with his own. “Silly Iwa-chan, you always forget that you don’t like this flavor from the store near school, and you always get it! Sometimes I wonder what you have to have inside your head instead of a brain!” he sighs out dramatically with a shake of his head to tease Iwaizumi, putting the traded ice pop in his mouth.

“Are you calling me dumb?” Iwaizumi huffs.

“Mmmm, I dunno, am I?” Oikawa retorts back, smiling mischievously at him.

“Hey, I’m not dumb!” Iwaizumi exclaims, pouting and starting to eat the ice pop Oikawa gave him.

“It’s ok though, I love my dummy Iwa-chan!”

The two continue bantering as they make their way home.

The next shift isn’t even words, just snippets of moments where Oikawa is clinging on to Iwaizumi, hugging him, holding his hand, any number of types of physical affection.

These memories are really random. Completely normal too, how in the world are these significant to Iwaizumi?

It finally shifts to a more recent memory, one that really can’t be more than a year ago. Oikawa recognizes the room as Iwaizumi’s classroom last year before he turns his attention to the man in question, watching to see what plays out. Iwaizumi starts to pack up his things as the teacher dismisses them for the day, slinging his bag over his shoulder before heading to the door.

“Iwaizumi-san!” a girl says as she steps in front of him on his way out, smiling at him shyly. “Can I speak with you please? It won’t take long, I promise!”

Is he… Is Iwaizumi getting confessed to? Why is this important for Oikawa to know? While he can’t blame the girl for doing so and he can’t blame his best friend for being flattered by the event, Oikawa feels his blood boil with straight-up jealousy. Iwaizumi isn’t his but oh how Oikawa loathed the thought of anyone else taking him.

Despite the surprised look on his face from her approaching him, Iwaizumi only looks slightly confused, raising an eyebrow. “Uhh.. Yeah, sure,” he tells her slowly, walking to a place in the hallways where they’re not in people’s way.

The girl starts to blush as he waits for her to say what she wanted to talk about, her gaze down at the floor as she clasps her hands behind her back with that same smile. Oikawa hates her. She probably isn’t even important but he hates her so much that he wishes he wasn’t just an intangible observer to this memory.

“Well, I was wondering…” she starts quietly, clearing her throat as she sways a little. “I know you’re Oikawa’s friend, right?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Iwaizumi simply confirms.

‘You forgot the ‘best,” Oikawa thinks bitterly towards her with a glare.

“I just wanted to ask if you… Well, if you knew whether or not he has a soulmate?” she finally gets out and Oikawa blinks.

If he has a soulmate? Not Iwaizumi? Oh- Well-

Rather than give his answer, Iwaizumi hums in thought. “Mm, why do you ask?”

“Oh, you see-!” she squeaks out, cheeks coloring even more as she tucks some hair behind her ear. How Iwaizumi isn’t reacting a bit to anything about this with more than a passive expression is beyond Oikawa, though part of him is pettily glad. “It’s a bit embarrassing but I… I bonded with mine last night and I wanted to see if, you know, if he-“

“If he could be yours?” Iwaizumi finishes for her and she looks up, nodding her head. He mouths a small “ah” before shaking his head. “I don’t, no.”

“Oh..” she mutters out softly, expression falling a bit.

“Sorry,” Iwaizumi can only offer.

She shakes her head with a wave of her hands. “No no, it’s ok! Thank you, I should get going.” Bowing quickly to Iwaizumi, she slips past him and down the hallway.

Iwaizumi does nothing more than shrug, starting to head to the gym for afternoon practice.

If that memory wasn’t recent enough, what Oikawa’s suddenly shifted to is the closest anyone could ever possibly get to it basically just being the event in question, rather than a recollection.

Oikawa’s buried into Iwaizumi’s hold, the latter’s arm wrapped around his waist, thumb rubbing delicate circles into his hip as the other hand is in his hair. All that can be heard is Oikawa sniffling and crying softly, quiet and subdued sobs muffled into Iwaizumi’s chest as Oikawa’s arms are wrapped around him, pulling himself closer to Iwaizumi. It might seem like such a random moment for Oikawa to know exactly what this memory is but he knows.

“I just don’t get it, Hajime,” Oikawa whispers out, his voice breaking due to the crying. “I don’t remember anything about them, I know nothing about my soulmate, and it’s driving me crazy, I can’t even tell you a single thing about them because when I wake up, I remember nothing at all!”

Iwaizumi’s arms tighten around him as his body wracks with sobs again before he continues talking.

“I don’t even remember what they look like besides a hair color, I don’t remember what they like to do or their eyes or anything, I just want to remember one thing about them, a single thing, they don’t deserve me forgetting everything about them like this.” Oikawa sniffles, burying his face into Iwaizumi’s chest more.

“I know, I know, it’s ok…” Iwaizumi tells him gently, burying his nose in Oikawa’s hair. That action’s become a source of comfort lately, and in the quietest moments when Oikawa needs it the most, he always feels Iwaizumi nosing at his hair, nuzzling into him. It had instantly made him take a deep breath when this had happened. Just seeing it makes current Oikawa feel more calm, and his mind isn’t even overwhelmed with the same thoughts that he’d been going through then. “Even if they don’t deserve that, that’s not your fault, Tooru, I promise.”

“I know,” Oikawa mutters out, a couple more tears running down his face as he closes his eyes. “I just want something, but I don’t.”

“Mhm, I understand that, I get why it’s hard to not know. You won’t be dealing with this forever though, you both will find each other and it’ll all come back to you, and it’ll be just fine. It’s not permanent, you out of all people know that nothing stays stagnant like that.”

“Is it stupid that I can’t help but worry that this would be an exception? Cause it’s me?”

“What do you mean?” Iwaizumi asks softly.

Taking a deep breath, Oikawa turns his head to rest his cheek on Iwaizumi’s chest, listening to the steady constancy of his heartbeat for just a moment, just to take it in. “That maybe this is the one thing the universe decides to refuse let change, just as a cosmic ‘fuck you’ to one Oikawa Tooru.”

That gets him a snort and he frowns for a moment, insecurity curling up in his chest at the sound in response to his vulnerability, but Iwaizumi lifts his head up gently, cupping his cheeks. He’s given a fond smile. “The universe wants you happy too, just like it wants me happy, like it wants Hanamaki and Matsukawa happy, it wouldn’t do that to you when you haven’t done anything to deserve it.” Iwaizumi’s voice stays warm and stable as he speaks reassurances, his eyes never leaving Oikawa’s, who in turn can’t bring himself to look away. “Soulmates can be difficult, but you will find them and they are going to be perfect for you. My best friend deserves the best soulmate the universe has to offer, I just know it.”

With a laugh, Oikawa feels his eyes quickly pool up with tears and they start running down his face as Iwaizumi’s expression momentarily shifts to one of concern as he notices. “I’m so lucky to have you, I’m really really lucky,” Oikawa gets out shakily, unable to stop the smile as he’s overcome with emotion.

“I’m just looking out for you, that’s all,” Iwaizumi tries to pass off casually, with a slightly watery smile of his own, his nose scrunching up slightly as he has to stop himself from crying over Oikawa shaking his head.

“No, soulmate or no soulmate, I’ve always had you, you mean so much to me and I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“I could give a ridiculous answer but I think I’d probably be ruining the mood by saying it,” Iwaizumi laughs out shakily and Oikawa laughs along with him.

“Whoever my soulmate is, I don’t want them if they don’t get your approval,” Oikawa jokes lightly.

There’s only a momentary pause before the emotion gets to Iwaizumi too, and he lightheartedly asks “What about if it’s me, huh? It still apply?”

“Mhm, my Iwa-chan’s gotta have some self-love too, I’ll make sure of it.”

More laughter and more tears, now for a different reason than in the beginning of the night, follow that and Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck, burying himself into his hold, snuggling up to him. Iwaizumi pulls him closer, arms wrapped tightly and securely around his waist, but it wasn’t even sufficient enough to express everything the two are trying to promise each other. They seem to both understand that too though, knowing that even for such an insufficient hold, there was more they wanted to express and are trying to say it all with what little the meager contact could manage.

The memory fades out and Oikawa stares out in front of him, an incredibly warm feeling in his chest from getting to see the last. Neither of them say anything for a moment though, Oikawa’s not really sure where to even start. He has so many questions but he can’t pin a single one down.

“So yeah…” Iwaizumi mutters out, nodding. “There are my memories.”

Oikawa turns to him and meets his eye before sitting down, patting the spot in front of him, Iwaizumi joining him on the floor.

Silence settles in but it’s not exactly uncomfortable per se, not completely anyways. At least with his own, there was a clear place to start sifting through everything but there’s nothing consistent about any of what Oikawa’s just been shown, not any that he can make out. He decides to voice as such rather than try and overthink what possible significance they hold. “That was kind of a weird collection.”

Iwaizumi laughs a bit, and it’s at least a little of the extremely bizarre tension gone. “Yeah, it was pretty random huh?”

“Mhm, I have so many questions and somehow none either, you might have to just start going at it.”

“Fair enough,” Iwaizumi concedes with a nod, leaning a hand back behind him and resting on it as he looks at Oikawa. “Well, as amazing as you think I am, there are a ton of things that I love about you, you know? You probably didn’t see it the way I do but there are so many things to love about you as a friend, as a soulmate, and I don’t get how people don’t see it.”

“Like what though? There’s not much to admire and adore, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says slowly, half-heartedly raising an eyebrow at him.

“And this is exactly why I said you don’t see it the same way,” Iwaizumi snorts. “For starters, you get really passionate about things if you haven’t noticed, I’ve always enjoyed getting to see it. Volleyball is only one example, there are a million other things I could probably list if you let me.”

He probably could but Oikawa fails to see how his best friend likes that about him, though maybe that’s just his rampant insecurities again. It did work the other way around after all.

“I can get frustrated by a lot of things, with school, with volleyball, whatever, but you’re always there to encourage me and you are always pushing me to improve and reach my potential, it’s so much more meaningful than you think. I’m not even sure if you’re aware of how much you encourage me.”

“But that’s because I know you can do it.”

“Doesn’t mean I always feel like it, I get insecure about my own abilities too. You’re not alone in needing support over these kinds of things, sometimes I need the reminder that I’m doing a pretty good job, yeah?” Iwaizumi smiles as Oikawa gives him a slight nod. “I know you always support your team but you make sure to tell me too, you don’t expect that because I’m a good player, I don’t need to be told that you believe in me.”

“You know I’d do that for you anyways.”

“Yes, and that’s why I love it about you, you’re just further proving my points, Tooru.”

Oikawa pouts at him.

With an amused and completely unsympathetic (the nerve his best friend has!) look, Iwaizumi waves a hand at him. The pout leaves as he keeps talking. This is really a lot of explanation for just a few egregiously short memories, sheesh. And Oikawa thought his own were loaded.

“You remember a ton of what I say, and I already know you’re going to say that’s because what I say is important,“ Iwaizumi cuts him off just as he opens his mouth, stealing his exact thought from him, “but it’s more than that and you know I’m right!”

Oikawa huffs and sticks his tongue out at him childishly.

“You remembered that I wanted to see a movie that I’d mentioned over a month beforehand, that my mom wasn’t able to take me because she was busy, and I have no idea why anyone else would think to remember that I’m too stupid to remember I always end up hating an ice pop from a certain store but still always manage to get it somehow. That’s not just an offhand thing.”

Oikawa blinks for a moment, thinking about it. Damn it, he actually makes a pretty good point.

“But couldn’t I just have an excellent memory?” he counters instead.

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. “What’s Matsukawa’s favorite food off the top of your head?”

“Uhhhh…” Oikawa blinks.

“Mhm, and what’s my biggest gripe with the Sailor Moon anime?”

“That you think it’s interesting that Rei's personality’s more temperamental and hot-headed to match the nature of her powers but it’s to the point where her treatment of Usagi is just cruel and the moments where she shows she cares about her seems to totally come out of left field,” Oikawa answers without even thinking. He then blinks. “Hey, that’s not fair! We’ve marathoned it every winter break since we were 11!”

Iwaizumi's eyebrow remains raised and he tilts his head.

”Ugh, fine, I remember things about you more than other people!” Oikawa finally exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. “What's with me being all clingy though?”

With a snort, Iwaizumi grins at him. Oikawa can't be blamed for smiling back. “Believe it or not, I love that you're physically affectionate with me even if I'm too stubborn to admit it out loud. Knowing you though, it would go to your head and you'd tease me relentlessly while clinging on to me even more,” he chuckles.

Oh, he so knows Oikawa.

“Well you're not getting away from it here then!” Oikawa grins slyly before launching himself at Iwaizumi and burying himself into his lap, face nestled into the crook of his neck, arms and legs wrapped around him for good measure. He laughs as Iwaizumi grunts in surprise, falling backwards a bit before catching them. “Mmmmm, comfy~” he hums teasingly.

“Remind me to have a serious talk with the universe about allowing you to see this.”

”Ah, rude!! You said so yourself, you loveeeee it!”

Groaning, Iwaizumi wraps his arms around his waist, burying his face in his hair. “Yeah yeah, my mistake.” Oikawa can hear the smile still, no matter how hard he's trying to hide it.

After a moment of just hugging his best friend, Oikawa lets out a hum, pulling away to look at him but not letting him go.

“Ok, go on~”

“Oh great, this is where things are really going to get embarrassing,” Iwaizumi mutters, cheeks turning red.

“If you were embarrassed with the ones before, I can't even imagine how much worse it gets!” Oikawa pokes a finger at Iwaizumi's red cheek, laughing as his hand is batted away.

“I guess I have to,” Iwaizumi concedes but just pouts so Oikawa figures he's probably going to need to nudge.

“So why was that girl asking about me important to you? It's not the first time it's happened, is it?” Oikawa asks him. It likely isn't, he doesn't exactly care much about how big of a reputation he has with girls at their school but he's not dumb enough to pretend that it doesn't exist. It's not gloating to say that he bets Iwaizumi's gotten asked about him before, at least once. “I mean, was it about the soulmates thing? Did it like, bother you that you didn't know or something?”

“Definitely not the first time, don't even get me started on how many girls I've had coming up to me fawning over you in hopes that I can put in a good word or introduce you, and it's technically about the soulmates but it's...” Iwaizumi looks up to the sky and lets out a breath, running a hand through his hair. “It's more embarrassing than me being bothered by it, so much more embarrassing.”

“Then what?”

“I hate to admit this and I know it was wrong but she came up to me...” Another deep breath. “A few weeks after we bonded.”

A few weeks afterwards? Oikawa thinks about it for a moment before his eyes go wide. Iwaizumi had been one of the first people to know about it, the very morning he woke up from that first meeting in fact. “Wait, you knew that I did-” Oikawa breathed out in realization, giving Iwaizumi a surprised look.

“I did, I knew you had a soulmate! I knew it couldn't have been her but I still lied about it!” Iwaizumi drags a hand down his face, grimacing to himself. Funny, this is the most genuinely frustrated he's ever seen his best friend. “It would've been awkward to tell when you bonded and even though she can't be yours, she could've still tried to confess to you and see if you wanted to go out with her and I got selfish, I lied and said I didn't because there's a part of me that wants to keep you all to myself! I know it was wrong, I shouldn't have done it just because I thought she might have gotten some of your attention and got territorial over you, I shouldn't meddle with who gets to talk to you-”

He's still just going and going, so Oikawa lunges forward again and holds on even tighter, nuzzling into him. He goes quiet in an instant.

“Is it bad to say that I find the selfishness extremely flattering?”

“I... Maybe, I dunno...” Iwaizumi mutters slowly.

“If it is, I don't care, I find it extremely sweet, so so super duper sweet, goodness gracious Iwa-chan!” That earns him a laugh and he grins giddily. “I wouldn't have said yes, I think I... Well, I've been putting romance on hold for a bit, seeing what happens, just trying to see if something works out if I just let things happen. She wouldn't have taken me away, you still have all of me.”

“But Tooru, I don't want to be possessive or anything, you're allowed to have other people in your life.”

“Oh I know that!” Oikawa chuckles easily, shaking his head. “It's not you being possessive, I know you'd never ever do something like that. But I'm here telling you that no matter how many people come into my life, you're always going to have me all to yourself, because I like it that way just fine.”

Oikawa feels a little pressure on his head before Iwaizumi nods, letting out a sigh. “Whatever I've done to deserve you, Oikawa Tooru, it must've been something really good.”

The two of them just hold on to each other for a moment, silence washing over them as they enjoy having each other's company. And as much as Oikawa would love to stay like this until the moment he wakes up, he knows there's one more thing they need to talk about.

“That last memory… That was only a few days ago…” Oikawa says softly, looking up at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi looks down at him, nodding as he leans his head against Oikawa's. “Yeah, it was.”

”Why did I get shown that one? It doesn't seem all that out of the ordinary, right?”

“None of what you saw was really out of the ordinary, it's all what I think of you and how important you are to me, but that one... It actually is a little different.”

Iwaizumi's comforted him countless times before, it's nothing new for him to let Oikawa talk about all of the problems he's dealing with, for him to listen and give him reassurance and support. Sure, it could do with the fact that it was about soulmates but they don't talk about the topic much, not enough for Iwaizumi to have any indication that this was a novel sort of issue for him.

“You're a really strong person and I'm always proud of how much you've been able to achieve and all the things you've been able to accomplish, you know?” Iwaizumi looks down at him and he just looks back, nodding a tiny bit. “You put in so much hard work, you're dedicated and resilient and you always have been. But even with that, you've always come to me whenever you were dealing with things that you couldn't handle on your own. I'm glad to see as you've gotten better at handling all the things that go on in your life and I'm proud of you being able to solve problems on your own but sometimes, I start to worry that maybe that means I'm becoming less and less useful to you the stronger you get, that someday you're going to be able to handle everything on your own and won't have a reason to come to me for help. I don't know, when you came over a few nights ago, frustrated about not being able to remember your soulmate, crying and holding on to me, it reminded me that even though you've been growing, even though you'll keep growing... You still need me.”

As he says that, a few tears start to run down his face and he turns away, frantically trying to wipe them away with his hand when Oikawa catches his wrist before making him turn back to face him. “Don't do that, don't hide from me,” he whispers gently, tilting his head with a soft smile. “You've seen me cry plenty of times, it's ok for you to cry too.”

Nodding, Iwaizumi puts his arm back around Oikawa. “Right, yeah,” he rasps out and Oikawa pats his cheek gently in approval.

“Hajime, I know I worry about whether or not I deserve your support and if I'm doing enough for you in return but hearing this, I know you need to hear me say this. I-” He cups Iwaizumi's cheeks, making sure his eyes are on him- “will always need you.”

Iwaizumi chokes out a sob as he nods again, screwing his eyes shut as he leans into Oikawa's hold more. Oikawa can feel his own eyes tearing up.

“I will always need you here with me, I'm always going to need your support and your comfort, I'm always going to need to come to you for advice. And even if one day I somehow don't need you and can handle all of my problems by myself, which I highly doubt ever happens, I'll always want you anyways. I chose to be your best friend, I still choose every day to be with you, and though I still have trouble seeing that you do, I should probably guess that you choose to stick around too, right?”

“Yeah, yeah absolutely,” Iwaizumi breathes out, the tears now running down his face without reserve, giving Oikawa a look of so much pure emotion that for a moment, he understands why Iwaizumi has stayed with him for all these years totally and completely. “We choose each other, we always choose each other, it's always going to stay like that.”

With a laugh, Oikawa feels his own tears running down his face as Iwaizumi is now the one to bury himself in his hold and they hold on to each other, staying there as everything starts to fade.

And still more time goes by after that. They lose to Shiratorizawa again in the Interhigh preliminaries their third year after a brutal match against Karasuno, and the defeat is just as humiliating as ever but there's no giving up now. Oikawa still stays on the team, Iwaizumi follows his lead, Matsukawa and Hanamaki right behind them. They need to carry on and prepare for the Spring National preliminaries and life keeps going. There are things that they need to focus on more than wallowing. Exams are once again coming up so like usual, they meet at Iwaizumi's house to study. Life continues on just like normal.

Huffing, Oikawa rests his hand on his cheek, looking down at the problem sheet in front of him and Iwaizumi as he tries to figure out the fifth problem, where Iwaizumi'd gotten stuck.

“God, math sucks, even I have no clue where to start,” Oikawa mutters to himself, narrowing his eyes as if that will give him the answer. Nope, nothing, he's still lost.

“I got to it just before you came over, I've been trying for the past half an hour,” Iwaizumi sighs, rubbing his hands over his eyes as he lets out a groan.

Another 15 minutes pass by, Iwaizumi starting to write something down a couple times only to mutter to himself about how “Never mind, that's not going to work.” It's weird how this is what they've gotten stuck on, it isn't even the harder concepts. Somehow though, he and Oikawa actually understand those ones. This one should've been all too simple. They stare at it more.

Iwaizumi leans back on his hands after a bit, rolling his head to the sides to stretch out his neck. “Oh we are so going to kick ourselves when we figure this out,” Iwaizumi muses.

Oikawa's thoughts go dead silent.

They're going to-

Turning to Oikawa, Iwaizumi gives him a look. “Hey, you ok?” he asks thoughtfully.

“We really are going to be kicking ourselves,” Oikawa says before he can think of what he's saying and as he's looking at Iwaizumi wide-eyed, his best friend suddenly tenses up, eyes growing wide too.

The only instance he's ever heard that was with his soulmate and he's never remembered that before but he knows it.

“Oh my god..” Iwaizumi breathes out. “Wait a minute, Tooru, we're each other's soulmates, aren't we?” he asks, reaching forward to grab Oikawa's shoulders firmly.

Every single moment that he's been unable to remember of the bond has come back to him, to both of them.

“Holy shit.”

As if this moment wasn't already shocking enough, Iwaizumi surprises him even more as he grins ecstatically and hurriedly pulls Oikawa into a hug, nearly crushing the life out of him. A moment longer before he's able to process what's going on and then Oikawa lets out a loud, surprised laugh, hugging his best friend back as tightly as he can manage. His ribs getting crushed is honestly worth it.

He's still a little stunned in place after they pull away to look at each other.

“We're soulmates,” Oikawa says outloud, as if asking the universe for confirmation.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi gets out breathlessly, a disbelieving smile on his face.

It sinks in for another moment before either of them say something again.

“I’ve actually been scared for a lot longer than when I turned 16, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa huffs out a laugh, staring down at his hands. “I didn’t want to think that the universe would consider anyone more important than you to have with me.”

A pause. “I know you’re not actually concerned with that, Tooru,” Iwaizumi mutters out.

“Huh?”

Iwaizumi’s hand runs through his hair gently, and Oikawa sees his eyebrows furrowing in attempt to piece together his next words. “You aren’t concerned with someone being more important to you than me. You were worried that there might be someone more important in my life than you.”

Oikawa takes in a breath, glancing over to Iwaizumi hesitantly, finding that he’s already looking back.

“That’s never going to happen. There’s absolutely no one that will ever be more important to me than you,” Iwaizumi says, smiling softly. “I want you in my life, Tooru, no one can ever make me feel the way you do.”

Tears prick at the corners of Oikawa’s eyes and he grins back, trying to contain sobs from spilling out of his mouth. “Because I’m a pain in the butt?” he jokes awkwardly.

The smile Iwaizumi has grows a little wider and he leans in. “No, Tooru, because I love you.” Even though he's said it before, when he studies Iwaizumi's face, he thinks he might see indication of the meaning being different than before. Oikawa chokes as he notices how differently he's being looked at and Iwaizumi only nods, answering the silent question.

Even so, Oikawa still voices it, just to be sure he’s not making any of this up, or imagining or dreaming (how appropriate that would be) things. “You love me…?” he whispers unsurely.

Iwaizumi cups his cheeks, looking him in the eye. “Oikawa Tooru, I love you. Even if you don’t return my feelings, I want you to know that I love you, and I will do anything to make you happy for the rest of our lives, however you want that to be. No matter what, you’re always going to be my best friend and partner.”

"Hajime..." Oikawa leans in until their foreheads rest against each other's. He looks up at Iwaizumi with tears pooling in his eyes as he lets out breathy laugh. "I love you too," he whispers before pushing forward.

They kiss.

The two of them finally kiss, and it's everything Oikawa could have ever hoped for.

Oikawa could be a lot of things. Bossy, self-centered, stubborn. Dramatic made the top of that list easily. But he doesn't think it's dramatic at all to say that this feels like the best moment of his life, tied with every single moment he's ever spent with Iwaizumi. Years of friendship, years of loving him, and now Oikawa knows that he is loved in return. All of it, all of Iwaizumi, is perfect for him. There's nothing dramatic about how his best friend makes him feel, not to him at least, and the hand moving from his cheek down to around his waist tells Oikawa that Iwaizumi would agree. If anything, he remembers now that's probably what Iwaizumi wants him to believe, so he tries, he really tries to.

When Oikawa is finally the one to break their first kiss, he finds himself crying, something that’s become much more common with meeting his soulmate than he'd ever originally thought.

“This was so hard,” Oikawa laughs out breathlessly, letting out a shaky sob as he looks at his soulmate.

“Yeah, holy crap Tooru, do you know how terrifying it was for me to not know if it was you?” Iwaizumi’s pulling him in for another hug, holding him tightly in his arms.

Oikawa hugs back before he hears a choked out cry. “Hajime?” he asks softly, wrapping his arms around Iwaizumi tighter.

“I’m so happy it’s you… It probably sounded like I knew we would, I know I've said that of course we'd be soulmates, but I was so scared that we wouldn’t. I didn’t want anyone else, I didn’t want to believe that the universe could do that to me and pull me away from you.”

“Well hey,” Oikawa mutters softly, “You did promise that you’d stay with me, soulmates or not, right? When we were 8? I’d like to think you keep all your promises to me.”

Shaking with laughter and tears against him, Iwaizumi starts to press kisses to his hair right by his ear, nodding, whispering “I love you”s over and over again and it has Oikawa crying with him, answering each declaration with one of his own.

After the two of them stop crying, they just sit in silence as Oikawa's wrapping his head around it all when Iwaizumi's voice cuts through his thoughts.

"Hey, remember on your birthday when you asked about my favorite constellation?"

"Mhm, you told me about Cygnus and his friend."

"Yeah. When I told you that that version was my favorite, I lied," Iwaizumi states bluntly and Oikawa's head whips up to look at him.

"Iwa-chan, you lied!? But you told me it reminded you of me! You got all sappy and adorable while telling me, and here I was thinking you were being sweet!" Pouting, Oikawa crosses his arms, turning away from Iwaizumi with a loud huff. A shiver runs down his spine as Iwaizumi's leaning in close to his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek. It wasn't nearly enough to make him break though, he wasn't going to let Iwaizumi win on this matter, not a chance.

"Yeah, I lied," Iwaizumi hums, wrapping his arms around Oikawa's waist. "Because I actually like the one where they're boyfriends."

He hears Iwaizumi laugh as he feels his cheeks growing hot, likely a direct result of the blush because of course he would find him getting flustered funny!

"Meanie, stop that!" Oikawa huffs out, shoving Iwaizumi a bit with more pouting. More laughter greets it as another kiss is pressed to his cheek.

"Stop telling you the truth?"

"Well how do you know it's true, huh? You said those myths always have different versions.” Oikawa smirks at him, crossing his arms over his chest. Iwaizumi doesn’t falter though, much to his annoyance.

“They do, but you can’t genuinely tell me that Cygnus mourning over Phaethon is platonic when he’s turned into a swan of all things. Swans only mourn for their offspring and their mates, Tooru. They mate for life.”

Oikawa hides his face in Iwaizumi’s arm after a moment, easily turning red. “Iwa-channnnn!”

The two of them continue to talk, finally telling each other about everything they've been keeping secret about their feelings. Oikawa finds out that Iwaizumi's always been jealous of his girlfriends because he wanted to be with Oikawa instead. He asks if that girl asking about him having a soulmate had bothered him for that reason, and Iwaizumi once again gets embarrassed about having to say yes. In turn, Oikawa tells him about how the night he injured his knee, that kiss was due to how hard he's been crushing on Iwaizumi since elementary school. He also may or may not have admitted to getting extremely jealous when he saw Iwaizumi's previously mentioned memory, earning him a very persistent teasing from the man in question. Everything else makes sense too, such as their near-complete lack of memory when awake, because nearly everything would have given it away to the two of them, seeing as they've been friends as long as they can remember and even before that. Oikawa still expresses his annoyance with that, but conceedes that it was probably a good thing that they'd gotten to see each other's memories, as uncomfortably vulnerable it made him be.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Iwaizumi says with a snap of his fingers as he scrambles over to his desk, shuffling through a stack of papers on it. Oikawa watches him with curiosity, laughing a little to himself as he hurriedly makes his way back, sitting next to Oikawa again as fast as he can, holding out a stack of papers.

“What's this?” Oikawa asks as he takes them, leafing through the pages. Some of them are crumpled up, some are torn into pieces though writing is still legible on them, marks from where Iwaizumi must have erased things multiple times are visible, and various words are aggresively scribbled out. The way the words are formatted looks like a list though.

As he looks through them, Iwaizumi rubs a hand against the back of his neck. “You're not the only one who worries about birthdays,” he admits sheepishly, causing Oikawa to look up at him, his cheeks going hot. “Those are uh, a bunch of lists I've made trying to figure out the things I should get you each year, I have trouble with it every single time actually. I keep the old lists from the previous years just in case they give me ideas, you know? But yeah, I try to make sure you love them as much as what we usually do.”

“You do all of this for me? Every year?”

“Well, of course, you do the same too, right?”

“Mhm,” Oikawa hums out, nodding before looking down at the papers in his hands. “But this is so sweet, I didn't know you would have so much trouble with figuring it out is all, I thought it was just me.” Grinning giddily, he curls in on himself, eyes still not leaving the frustration written across the pages, not out of desperation but care, just like he cares for Iwaizumi.

“Oh, I have so much trouble, I look like a mess,” Iwaizumi laughs, grinning at him. “It's hard picking which constellations I want to tell you about too.”

“You know so much about the stars though, I love whatever you talk about!” He can't believe that Iwaizumi actually goes through such an extensive process too, all for him. Even soulmates have trouble with figuring these types of things out, he supposes.

Oikawa gives Iwaizumi a confused look though as he snorts and shakes his head, laughing loudly. “Oh no, I always have to look up new facts every year for it so that I have enough to tell you about! I'm not some astronomy genius!”

“You look up-” Blinking at Iwaizumi, Oikawa feels himself getting flustered once again, so he leans in to kiss Iwaizumi instead, blushing as he's kissed right back.

Oikawa
Apparently the two of us finally got our shit together and are dating now???

Makki
HOLY SHIT, NO FUCKING WAY
IWAIZUMI, HE'S NOT JOKING IS HE???

Iwa-chan
[attached image of Oikawa and Iwaizumi kissing, Iwaizumi holding the camera as Oikawa grips on to his shirt, beaming into the kiss]
Yeah uh, no, he's not joking

Mattsun
Oh my god, fucking GET it Iwaizumi Hajime, holy fuck

Oikawa
Hajime, I didn't think you were actually gonna send it!!!

Iwa-chan
I have a pretty boyfriend now, what do you want from me?

Oikawa
KSNVIDFNIVBRCVKCNV
STOP
OH MY GOD

Makki
OH MY GOD

Oikawa
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?

Mattsun
You've broken our soulmates, Iwaizumi

Iwa-chan
I'm not lying though so

Makki
Wait wait wait, you guys ARE soulmates, right?
PLEASE tell me you're soulmates!!!

Oikawa
Yes, oh my gosh
We're soulmates, Iwa-chan, oh my gosh

Iwa-chan
Yeah
I mean, as much as I'm enjoying whatever's happening here
I've got everything set up so uh
Hurry up, Tooru

Mattsun
Whatcha guys up to, huh? 👀

Oikawa
I'm grabbing some stuff from my house really quick, I'm sleeping over at Iwa-chan's!!

Makki
You are telling me EVERYTHING later

Oikawa
Of course!

Iwa-chan
Tooru

Oikawa
Yeah yeah, be right there!
I'll text you guys later!!!

Mattsun
Use protection, my dude

Iwa-chan
Oh god-

Their homework has been long forgotten by this point and Oikawa ends up snuggled into his boyfriend, his soulmate, his Iwa-chan, while they watch a movie on the couch. Every once in a while, Oikawa will receive a kiss and it causes him to laugh every time.

He’s sure the novelty of this realization will wear off eventually, it’s bound to as in every relationship, but he’s sure that it won’t ever stop feeling this wonderful to be with Iwaizumi. It has been their entire lives, and Oikawa’s pretty sure his boyfriend will do anything he can to make sure he always feels that way.