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"Sorry? We've spoken several times and you neglected to mention you've moved back home." Serwa's eyes widened in brief surprise
"I-I guess I just knew that it would bring up, um, a lot for us." The words came out in a rush and Helen picked up her glass of water.
"When did you get here?"
The conversation was turning into an interrogation that she wanted to escape. "Seven, eight weeks ago." Taking a sip of her water, she avoided her mother's gaze.
"You've been here two months and you couldn't be bothered to let me know?"
"It's not that simple. We wanted to get settled first." Anxiety was beginning to buzz throughout her body and Helen rubbed the back of her neck. She knew she was attempting to pacify herself with the gesture but hoped Serwa wouldn't realize how her inquiries were affecting her.
"Who's we?" Serwa looked even more shocked at the realization that Helen was not alone.
A question she'd known she would have to answer. This was why she'd avoided her--to prevent the inevitable emotional battles to come.
Still resting her hand on her neck she replied, "I've moved here with Max and Luna." Just saying their names had a momentary grounding effect. Her lips tipped into a small smile. Half of her wished Max would arrive soon to help shoulder the burden of this meeting. But the other half of her wished he wouldn't make it. He didn't deserve the heat of Serwa's words and the weight of her judgement. She wanted to keep the family they were building away from the poison Serwa had infected her with.
"Your cats?" Serwa's eyebrows raised inexplicably higher as she asked. She sounded sure even in her questioning. As if she couldn't believe that her daughter was capable of holding a lasting connection unless her companions were animals.
Helen chuckled and busied her hands with her fork and knife. Her anxiety was ratcheting up and diverting part of her focus was a defense she'd built many years ago as a child.
"No, mum. They're the man I'm seeing and his lovely daughter." Her words were chosen carefully--not because she was ashamed of their relationship or trying to downplay their importance. If Serwa didn't know just how important Max and Luna were to her, she could shield them. Distance went a long way in maintaining a genial familial bond with Serwa. Helen kept her eyes lowered toward her plate. However Serwa took the news would dictate how the rest of this conversation and their lunch would go. She crossed her arms as if she could ward off any negative outbursts from her mother.
"His lovely daughter?" Clasping her hands together, Serwa looked down and shook her head.
"Yep, what about it?" Helen sharpened her gaze as she looked back at her mother, her body tensing for the tongue lashing that was due to arrive any moment.
Quickly wiping her hands on the napkin in her lap, Serwa returned the intense stare her daughter was shooting at her. Interlacing her fingers together she began, "You keep insisting on raising other people's children. Mina, this Luna."
Helen's hand clasped her neck once more. She felt like anxiety racing through her like an electric charge with no outlet for release. Her body was practically buzzing with tension.
"If you want to be a mother so badly, have a baby. What happened to the egg freezing and all that?"
Every word Serwa launched landed like a grenade on Helen's insecurities. Why was her mother throwing the fact that she wasn't a biological mother in her face? She was well aware that Mina was her niece and only after opening up about her baba and brother did their relationship begin to mend.
But Luna? Helen had known her since birth. She'd ridden back in the ambulance with Max and she'd locked eyes with the beautiful baby girl. At the time she had no idea that she would one day be her mum. Luna's first laugh was initiated after seeing her laugh at Max in her office. Max had shared her first steps with her and since they'd started seeing each other she'd stopped counting the firsts. Max and Luna were her family, end of story.
Her vision became blurry but she refused to let the tears flow. She worked her jaw as she teeth ground her teeth together. "My fertility treatments were not an easy experience." She shook her head, recalling the shots and her hormonal mood swings. She'd been temperamental and doubted her decision throughout the process but Max was there for her as he'd always been.
"They were not a cheap experience either."
Helen sucked her lips in and sank her teeth into her bottom lip. The sting was a temporary reprieve and the pain tethered her to the reality she was anxious to escape.
"So much money, so many years, you just gave up," Serwa continued and shrugged at the end of her statement. If she was moved at all by the very noticeable emotional turmoil her daughter was going through, she didn't show it. She was more interested in be right and undermining Helen's decisions than being supportive.
Helen shook her head slightly. Unbelievable. She had an inkling that she would react poorly when she introduced Max but she had no idea her mother would unleash this much spite and vitriol at her.
"You wonder why I never tell you stuff. 'Cause when I do, your response is purely designed to hurt me." Helen's leg was bouncing beneath the table but she still refused to let her tears fall. Her mother would not break her.
"I'll tell you something. You get hurt that easily, maybe you're not cut out for motherhood. It's best you never know what it's like to have your child treat you like some errand they put off for months. I'm not a chore. I'm your mother. I gave up everything for you." Serwa's eyes shimmered with moisture as she continued to slice into her daughter, each wound deeper than the last.
"Yeah, real Mother of the Year material, you are," Helen mocked as she lifted her glass of water for another sip. She'd smiled and nodded as Serwa dug deeper and deeper with her insults. Yes, she was happy Max didn't see this side of her mother--maybe they could just leave the lunch all together. Her stomach soured at the thought of him having to deal with Serwa.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
As Helen sat her glass back on the table the waitress arrived and asked, "Ready for your wine, ladies?"
In sync for the only time during the lunch, Helen and Serwa said, "Yes."