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“I’m telling you guys, it doesn’t exist. It’s a myth, like the theory of Atlantis, or a honest politician.”
Janine didn’t even want to know what they were arguing about now. As she walked into the firehouse, and set her purse down on the desk, three sets of eyes bashfully started studying their shoes. Venkman, however, boastful idiot that he was, barreled ahead with the conversation. Pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, he glanced at her over his shoulder. “Just in time Melnitz, I need your opinion on something, as a lovely and experienced woman of the world” his eyes raking over her figure, eyebrows waggling suggestively. After working with him for this long, she didn’t even notice his borderline, but ultimately harmless, sexual harassment anymore.
“I’m almost afraid to know just what you were all talking about,” she said as she dropped the box of doughnuts she’d brought for them on the desk before sliding out of her coat.
“Hey Pete, this really isn’t an appropriate conversation to have, man.” Winston, ever the voice of reason in the group (bless him) offered before selecting a doughnut from the box. “Just drop it, we can discuss why you’re wrong later. There’s no need to drag Janine into this.”
“I agree. Venkman, this is highly inappropriate,” Egon said, momentarily looking up from what he was fiddling with this morning. He glanced quickly at Janine before giving his attention back to his work. Ever watchful when it came to Egon, Janine noticed that the tips of his ears turned slightly pink as he cleared his throat. Okay, now she was curious. It had to be something shocking to make the always stoic physicist embarrassed.
“Mmmph,” Ray agreed, mouth full of a raspberry jelly-filled treat. He pointed to Peter and put his finger over his mouth in a be quiet gesture before looking to Janine and giving her a smile and a thumbs up.
“You’re welcome, Dr. Stantz. I know how much you like the jelly filled ones.” Janine walked over to the coffee machine to get herself some life-giving nectar only to find it bone dry. “Seriously, what have I told you about making a fresh pot when you empty the last one?! It’s not a difficult concept, and I know I’ve shown all of you how to do it. More than once,” she added pointedly.
“Quit your whining, Melnitz. If I make a fresh pot, will you give me your expert opinion on what me and the guys were discussing?” Janine could smell a setup from a mile away. Mama Melnitz hadn’t raised a dummy.
“Nothing doing, I’d like the coffee to actually be drinkable. But I’ll admit, I’m curious what you want my expert opinion on.” Let Venkman think he’d cornered her. It’d be all the more sweeter when she inevitably made him look like a fool. “Out with it,” she ordered as she scooped coffee grounds into the machine.
His smile was almost predatory. “So, I went out with Denise again last night. Things are going good, I’m charming and devastatingly handsome, as usual.” At his words, Janine groaned and rolled her eyes. Peter ignored her and kept on with his story. “So we end up back at her place, one thing leads to another…then she stops me in the middle to give me pointers. ME! Can you believe the audacity? Going on and on about what I can do to make it good for her, then she actually tries to teach me how to find her “G-spot”. His fingers and expression both curling with sarcasm. I tell her that I’m a doctor and that there’s no such thing as the G-spot. It’s just a lie made up by women to make men feel bad. Finally she ends up kicking me out before I can finish, saying how selfish I am for not thinking about her needs. This woman was crazy, I’m telling ya!”
Oh my God, this poor woman. Not only had she had sex with Venkman, it was bad sex and then she had been demoralized when he pulled out the “Doctor” card. And now this schmuck was bragging about it, making himself look like an even bigger moron in the process. Where to begin? The only sound in the firehouse was the steady drip of the coffee machine. Then Janine’s laughter.
Peter’s expression darkened with annoyance. “Oh, now you’re gonna tell me it exists too? That’s typical. You ladies have to stick together, right?” Throwing his hands up and glaring, he reached for a doughnut to console himself.
When Janine’s laughter finally died down enough for her to speak she shot back, “of course it exists you putz! Do you even realize how stupid you just made yourself look in front of all of us? Not only did you tell everyone in this room that you’re bad at sex, which I’ve suspected for a while now based on how many women you seem to run through, but your dumb ass doesn’t even realize it. Oh, this is priceless! Denise was trying to help you, and womankind in the process, and all you got out of it was the door slammed in your face and a set of blue balls!” The laughter bubbled out of her, joined this time by Winston and Ray. Egon even had the corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement as he glanced up at her. The coffee was finally ready and she poured herself a cup in an attempt to get herself back under control.
“Well clearly, I’m going to need another lesson, “oh wise one.” Care to volunteer your services for the good of womankind?” Peter winked, thinking he was being charming and trying to regain some face in front of his friends before shoving the rest of his doughnut in his mouth in one bite. Janine glanced surreptitiously at Egon over the top of her coffee mug as she took a sip, his fingers tightened imperceptibly on the screwdriver in his hand at Peter’s crass offer. His left eye deliberately closed in a furtive wink, as the rest of his face stayed perfectly still seeming to say ‘finish him’ with his eyes. That was all the permission Janine needed.
Slowly walking to the other side of the desk and standing behind Egon, she placed her hand on the scientist’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I’d rather chew broken glass Venkman. Besides, I don’t need to teach anyone how to find it. Egon found it on his first try.”
Winston pounded Peter’s back helpfully, laughing loudly as Venkman tried not to choke to death on his mouthful of doughnut.
Sometimes it really does pay to get up in the morning.