Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You have always been able to call the seaside village of Morepesok home. Being greeted with  snow and salty air outside has always brought comfort to you, even in your earliest memories. Your parents had moved to Morepesok before you were born, as your father was looking for good, honest work and found a job on one of the many fishing boats that would set out in the Snezhnayan sea every day. Long story short, they had been charmed by the small village and decided to start a family there. They moved into a small home close to the Morepesok school, being delightfully surprised when they found out that their next-door neighbors were a nice couple with a family of their own, who, like your parents, were expecting a child. That July, Ajax was born, and two months later, you were born as well. 

Just like the large oak tree outside your bedroom window, Ajax has always been there, unwavering. 

One of your earliest memories together takes place during snowfall, a few weeks after your fourth birthday. Waking up and seeing the tree outside your window covered in white sent a jolt of excitement through your body. It snowed in Snezhnaya almost every day, but there was a lot of snow outside this morning! You jumped out of bed quickly, rushing downstairs to see that your mother was in the middle of making breakfast. 

“Mama! Do you see the snow?” You asked excitedly. “Can we go ask if Ajax can play?”

Your mother smiled and nodded her head. “We can ask, but you must eat breakfast first.”

You eat quickly and messily, much too excited about the weather outside to focus on holding utensils with your pudgy fingers. 

Before your mother even had the chance to finish buttoning up your coat, there’s a knock on your door. She opened it to reveal Ajax and his mother, both dressed in full winter attire. 

“Ajax was wondering if y/n wanted to come play outside for a little while with the kids,” Ajax’s mother said.

Ajax shuffled to further hide behind his mother’s legs, timid as ever. 

Your mother agreed and finished buttoning up your coat before sending you out. 

“Hi,” Ajax said, you could see his cheeks rise as he smiles, even from behind the scarf that covered half of his face. 

You spent the morning making as many snow creations as you could with Ajax and his older siblings, building snowmen and forts to hide in. After a few hours, the cold that was biting your face became unbearable. You rubbed your reddened cheeks to try and warm them up. 

“Here, you’re cold,” Ajax said, taking off his scarf and clumsily wrapping it around your neck. 

You couldn’t help but beam at his act of kindness, grabbing his hand in yours and running back to your house.

“We can’t both be cold, let’s go back inside!”

You were lucky in the aspect that your school only had one class for each grade, so you could continue to be all but attached at the hip with Ajax. Now that you’re ten years old, you’ve realized something big: kids are mean. You always heard adults telling you that you’re a smart kid, that you’re confident and independent. You’re glad that you can be dependable, that you can help Ajax, who is quiet and gentle and a little bit scared of everything. Ajax is taller (and much more handsome, in your opinion) than most other kids in your class, but that doesn’t mean that your classmates don’t find things to tease him about.
You were eating lunch with Ajax at school once day when a boy in your class, Maksim, came up you. 

“Does Ajax even know how to talk?”

Ajax stares at the ground in front of him, lips sealed shut. This wasn’t the first time that Maksim made comments about how timid Ajax could be.
“Leave him alone, Maksim,” you said. 

“Why are you friends with him? He doesn’t even know how to talk.”

“Shut up, Maksim, you don’t know anything,” you felt yourself get angrier.

Glancing over to Ajax, you saw his eyes well with tears. 

“Let’s go, Ajax,” you said quietly, grabbing his hand and leaving the room. 

“I’m sorry,” Ajax sniffled and wiped at his eyes. 

You frown and let go of his hand. “Hey, it’s okay. Maksim is stupid. Don’t listen to him.”

Ajax shook his head and looked away. “It’s true. I’m a freak just like everyone says.”

You feel something sink in the pit of your stomach. How could Maksim be so mean to someone so nice? Ajax never did anything to deserve this. 

“I hate him,” you growled, stomping back towards the classroom. 

“Y/n, stop,” Ajax said, grabbing your arm to hold you back. “If you hit him he’s just gonna tell a teacher. Then they’re gonna call my parents and tell them what he’s been saying.”

“I don’t care. He’s a bully,” you said, grabbing your arm back and bawling your hand into a fist.

Needless to say, once your parents found out that you hit another kid in your class, you were grounded. Indefinitely.

“Papa! Mama! This isn’t fair! He made Ajax cry!” you cried. 

“That isn’t okay, but using violence to solve the problem doesn’t make you any better,” your mother said. 

“You’re still grounded,” your father added on.

You let out a sound of exasperation and stomped up stairs into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. 

Your parents don’t understand, Ajax was hurt and he was crying and you wanted to fix it. You did the right thing. Now as punishment, you won’t be able to leave the house for anything besides school. You flop onto your bed and let a scream of frustration out into your pillow. You finally sit up a few minutes later, when you hear a faint tapping at your window. 

Pulling back your curtains to reveal Ajax sitting in the big oak tree was the last thing that you expected to see. 

“Ajax? What are you doing?” you asked as you slid open the glass to let him inside.

“Your parents said that you were grounded. I wanted to talk to you,” he admitted, stepping a leg into your bedroom.

You shrugged, “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s not fair though.” 

“Yeah,” Ajax said. 

There was only a second of silence before Ajax wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. 

“Thank you, y/n. I know I’m not a freak.”

“Yeah,” you managed to say, a little bit surprised at the sudden hug. You hug him back, squeezing him a little bit so he doesn’t try and let go so soon. “I like you the way you are. Anyone who doesn’t is stupid.”

“Okay,” Ajax whispered. “I like you the way you are, too."

Chapter Text

The big age of thirteen comes with even more excitement than the age of eleven did. Both you and Ajax have grown taller, though Ajax towers over most of the other boys in your class now. Seeing him every day hasn’t made the changes in his appearance very noticeable, but your mother never fails to comment on what a fine young man he’s growing up to be. Though you usually brush her off with a grossed-out expression and giggle, you often hear your mother’s voice in your head repeating “What? Don’t you find Ajax handsome?”.
 To be honest, you’ve only grown closer with Ajax, especially in the past few years. Though your temper has definitely mellowed out in the sense that you do less punching, you still feel just as protective over Ajax. Even at the big age of twelve, kids are still mean. Ajax doesn’t cry when people make jokes about his timidness anymore, but you know that it can’t hurt any less. 
 “Why don’t you ever say anything back to them?” you asked Ajax one day after school, as the two of you walked home together. 
 “That would make me no better than them.” Ajax shrugged. “There’s enough of that at home already. After fighting with my siblings all the time I don’t have the energy to yell at anyone else.”
 You shook your head and sighed, “Don’t you want to though? Don’t you want to point out Maksim’s ugly hairline?”
 Ajax chuckled, “His hairline really is ugly, isn’t it. It’s not as bad as his unibrow though!”
 “See?” you exclaimed. “It feels good! Who cares about being the bigger person!”
 “Okay, okay, you’re right,” Ajax admitted, reaching up to adjust the scarf that was falling off of your shoulder. The thing about Ajax growing so much taller, is that his coat sleeves quickly became much too short to cover his whole arm. As Ajax reached his arm up to fix your scarf, the sleeve of his coat stretched down, revealing a pretty nasty bruise on his forearm. 
 Once you notice it, you grab his hand gently, pushing up the coat sleeve to inspect the bruise. 
 “‘Jax, how the hell did you get this?” you asked. 
 You noticed Ajax’s face turn red as he yanked his arm back and hid it behind his back. 
 “A-ah, don’t worry about this. I fell the other day” he stuttered.
 You raised an eyebrow but decided not to try and push him any further, though you’ll definitely be paying closer attention from now on. 
 “Okay,” you said. “By the way, I won’t be able to walk home with you tomorrow, I have to stay after school for the literature club.”
 “Sure,” Ajax exhaled. You both watched as the fog from his breath dissipated into the air. 

You’re not surprised when you hear a knock on your window the next evening. Ajax crawling in through your window was a regular occurrence, and you usually spent Friday nights hanging out.
 “Hey,” you said as you opened the window for him. 
 “Hi, how was literature club?” Ajax asked. He was a little bit winded, but you just assumed it was from climbing the tree outside your window. 
 “It was fine, we’re reading The Boar Princess right now- Ajax?” you rushed over to his side once you noticed his legs all but crumple beneath him. Ajax groaned as you wrapped an arm under his shoulders and guided him to sit on your bed. 
 “Sorry,” Ajax whimpered, clutching his side. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go.”
 “What happened?” 
 “Just-” he sucked in a breath as he laid back on your bed. “Just got caught alone by a couple of the guys after school today. Kicked me around pretty good.”
 “Show me,” you demanded. You push at the hem of his shirt with shaking hands, unable to stop yourself from gasping when you see the array of purple and blue bruises littering Ajax’s abdomen. “I’ll be right back.”
 You returned with ice packs and a small first aid kit, promptly getting to work on healing Ajax’s wounds the best you could. 
 “Shit,” Ajax whispered under his breath. “Y/n, I promise, it’s really not that bad-”
 “Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, and god, your voice is shaking too. 
 “I’m sorry,” Ajax repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time. “It’s not because I didn’t trust you. I didn’t want you to worry. And I didn’t want to get my parents involved.”
 “Your parents?” you asked, genuinely confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to get your parents involved?”
 Ajax froze in place for a moment, and you looked up at his face just in time to watch his expression drop to a frown. “You know, they’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Teucer was just born a few months ago and my sister is getting married soon. I don’t want to add to any of that.”
 It sounds like a lie, and you both know it. 
 “Okay,” you said, putting on the last bandage and closing the first-aid kit. “You’re going to sleep, and in the morning you’re going to give me a real answer.” 
 “Here?” Ajax asked.
 “Do you want to climb back down that tree?”
 “Fine,” he said, finally allowing his eyes to flutter shut and his brain to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

When Ajax shook you awake the next morning, it’s still dark outside. 

“What the hell?” you asked, sitting up from your make-shift bed on the floor.

“Come on lazy, we’re gonna miss it if we don’t leave now!” Ajax greeted you with a grin. 

You spot some dried blood on his lip and the memories of last night come flooding in. A flash of panic washed over you and you quickly stood up to inspect Ajax’s condition. 

“I’m fine,” Ajax affirmed before you could even ask. “I can handle a couple bruises. Come on! Get dressed! We’ve gotta go!”

You throw on your warmest sweater and socks, before turning to help Ajax tie the laces on his boots. 

“It’s about time that you learn to do this on your own,” you teased. 

Ajax let out a whine and pouted, “I know how, you just tie so much better!”

You shrugged and slid your window open, “Where are we even going?” This wasn’t the first time that Ajax has spent the night, and definitely not the first time that you’ve snuck out your window together, but it’s definitely the earliest you’ve ever gone on an escapade together. 

The answer becomes obvious quickly when Ajax jumped his fence and returned with an ice pick and two fishing rods. 

The walk to the frozen lake isn’t a long one, but you can’t help but worry whenever Ajax does- well, whenever Ajax does anything. After getting a look at the multitude of bruises and injuries he’s sustained, it’s just about the only thing you can see when you close your eyes. Once Ajax has dug a hole through the ice you’re both settled on make-shift chairs with bait on the end of your fishing rods, it’s almost as if the atmosphere shifts.

“Papa takes me ice fishing sometimes,” Ajax whispered. 

“Does he? I didn’t know that,” you replied. Ajax was always quiet about this relationship with his father. Though Ajax’s father is always kind when you’ve seen him, you rarely interact with the man for more than two minutes at a time, so it’s hard to be a good judge of character.

“Yeah,” Ajax exhaled. “We never come this early in the morning though. He’s usually too busy sleeping off all the firewater.”

You stayed silent. First you learn that Ajax is getting beaten up by all of your classmates, then you learn that his father is a drunk? Just how much has sweet, quiet, Ajax been hiding from you?

“He was an adventurer,” Ajax continued. “Before I was born. Once they realized that my mother was pregnant with me, he got a job fishing here in Morepesok. I guess there weren’t enough commissions for him to support four kids.”

“Did he travel far?” you asked.

Though Ajax’s glance was focused on the ice, you saw his eyes light up. His beautiful blue eyes, always shining with so much life. “He traveled all over Teyvat.”
“That’s really cool,” you said, yawning and leaning over to rest your head on Ajax’s shoulder.

“I’m going to become an adventurer like him,” Ajax declared, and you had never heard so much resolve in his voice. It warmed the deepest parts of your heart to hear.

“You’ll be the best adventurer in all of Teyvat, ‘Jax,” you squinted as the sunrise began to peak over the horizon on the frozen lake. You glanced up and noticed a pink dusting over Ajax’s cheeks but chose not to comment on it, it was probably just the sun anyway.

The weekend comes to an end all too fast, as it always seems to. Especially after learning what your classmates have been doing, you’ve decided to stick to Ajax like a tongue stuck to metal in the coldest Schneznyan winters. 

“Come on y/n, I’m just going to take a piss,” Ajax whined when you insisted on following him even to the bathroom. 

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow, “Can you? Because last time I left you to walk home on your own you showed up at my bedroom window half dead.”

Ajax huffed out a groan and rolled his eyes, “I was suffering from the blow to my ego more than anything else.”

You shrugged and followed Ajax out of the classroom anyway, frowning when you noticed how he still has a hand clutched to his ribcage. Even though he jokes about his ego, Ajax is probably the furthest possible thing from egotistical that a person could be. To everyone who isn't you or his siblings, Ajax has a tendency to be quite skittish. You understand that’s just who he is as a person, but you sometimes wish that the rest of the world got to see his charismatic side as well. 

And so, life goes on. Ajax doesn’t get beat up as often, Ajax doesn’t talk about his father as often, Ajax doesn’t stop showing up at your bedroom window every few days. A few months have passed, and you walked to school with Ajax as usual. Once the two of you arrived at your classroom, you noticed a small crowd of students gathered around your classmate, Aliza. You approached the group, gasping when you saw what she had cradled in her hands. A vision. You turned around to look at Ajax with wide eyes, who tilted his head in response. 

“Aliza got a vision,” you whispered. 

Ajax’s jaw visibly dropped, as he shuffled forward to get a peek of it as well, “Woah.”

Aliza tells the story of how she got her vision, revealing that her father wants her to take over his bakery business now that the end of their mandatory school years are coming to an end. She said that she agreed, that she loved baking more than anything and the next morning, she woke up with a pyro vision in hand. 

You were jealous. Of course you were. Every single person in your class was jealous of Aliza, as everyone wishes to be blessed by the archons. 

“I’m going to be next,” Ajax said that afternoon, as the two of you worked on some homework.

“What?” you asked.

“I’m going to get a vision next. And I’ll use it to help people, then I can take care of the both of us,” he promised.

While you never doubted Ajax’s promise, you never expected him to take action in such a drastic manner. Ajax’s big promise manifests itself around a week after his fourteenth birthday, a few minutes after midnight. You heard a knock at your window, and you slide it open with ease, not expecting Ajax to greet you with tears welling in his eyes. 

“Ajax? ‘Jax? What’s wrong?” you asked him, reaching your hands up to cradle his face. 

Ajax didn’t meet your eyes with his own gaze.

“Y/n, let’s go,” he said. “Let’s get out of here.”

You pressed your hand to his forehead, to check for a fever. No way Ajax would say these things if he was in his right mind. The back of your hand touches something wet and you frown before pushing up Ajax’s bangs to reveal a large gash in his forehead.

“Fuck,” he muttered, wincing in pain.

“What the hell?” you exclaimed. “Was this Maksim? I’ll go and tell his mother right now Ajax, I really will.”

Ajax pulled away from your touch, eyes still glued to the ground. 

“Listen y/n, I gotta go. Papa doesn’t want me around anymore. I gotta get out of here,” Ajax said.

“You can’t, Ajax,” you tried to reason with him. “You’ve got a life here. You’ve got your Mama, you’ve got big sis, Tonia, and Anthon, and little Teucer. We still have a few weeks of school to finish.”

“I don’t. My family doesn’t want me anymore! You’re the only thing that I’ve got here! We can go, I’ll take care if you, I promised that I would!,” Ajax said, growing louder with every word.

“I can’t!,” you cried out. 

There's a beat of silence before Ajax turns towards the window again.

“I can’t stay here,” Ajax said, taking another step towards the window.

“Please, ‘Jax, I don’t understand. Just stay here, okay? Just let me fix up your head first,” you pleaded. You didn’t know when it started, but thick tears streamed down your face.

Ajax stepped all the way out the window and climbed down the tree at a record pace. You watched from above as he picked up what looked like a sack of bread and shortsword.

“Ajax please!” you sobbed from your window. “Please stay.”

Ajax turned around and you locked eyes one last time before he dashed off into the darkness. 

Chapter Text

Sleep did not come easy that night. Every time you closed your eyes, swollen from crying, all you could see was the memory of Ajax’s face. You tossed and turned all night long, fading in and out of sleep until the morning birds began to sing, signifying the break of dawn. You let your feet drag you to your kitchen, where your mother and father sat alongside Ajax’s mother. 

“Y/n, Ajax is missing,” your mother said. Only then did you notice the tears welled up in Ajax’s mother’s eyes. 

“He’s not, he told me last night that he’s running away,” you admitted. 

Your parents exchanged a look, and you felt your heart drop to your stomach. Ajax’s mother shook her head. 

“Ajax told Tonia that he was running away as well. We went to look for him this morning, and we found his boots, his food and his scarf near the edge of the forest. There’s no way Ajax could have made it far with only a shortsword,” his mother whispered. 

You took a heavy step back as you felt your heart rate spike. Was it always so difficult to breathe? Ajax can’t be missing, not when he’s in so much pain. Images of Ajax scared, alone, cold, helpless in that forest flooded your mind. 

“I’m going to look for him,” you declared.

Ajax’s mother nodded and stood up to grab your hands and stare into your eyes, “We can look together,” she said, with a sense of determination that you’ve never seen from the woman before.

The first day that Ajax is missing, you feel that your heart might explode. You spent hours with Ajax’s mother and sisters, searching the forest edges for any sign of the boy. A frantic thumping never seems to leave your hearing, and it’s not until the sun sets and you’re forced to go home that you realize it’s your own pulse. 

The second day that Ajax is missing, your lips just about turned blue from the sheer cold outside. Ajax’s mother forced you to go home before it’s even time for dinner. Not that you’ve been able to eat, or sleep, for the past two days. You couldn’t help but notice how, as far as you can tell, Ajax’s father had not spent a moment searching. Sure, someone had to be around to watch Teucer and Anthon, but with Ajax’s older siblings who have come back home to search for their brother, their household was not sparse of adults. 

The third day that Ajax is missing, you couldn’t find it in you to get out of bed. Though you’d spent the last two days searching endlessly, you haven’t found anything. It’s simply not possible that Ajax actually succeeded in running away, with no food, or boots, or weapons. In this Schneznyan weather, his feet would fall off before he made it halfway to the next town over.

As long as you could remember, you haven’t spent this long without having Ajax at your side. Not knowing where he is, or if he’s safe, felt like you’ve lost a part of yourself.

And so, on the third day, you stayed in bed. At some point your father knocked on your door to ask if you’re going out to look, and you could only shake your head before wrapping the blankets around your body tighter.

You were so consumed with anxiety that your whole body felt weighed down. Time passed in a series of blurs, the sun was setting and you had done nothing but sulk. 

You heard a knock on your front door, and a soprano voice that you recognized as Ajax’s older sister. The door closed only a second later, and you heard footsteps approaching your bedroom door.

“Y/n,” your mother spoke in a soft tone as she opened the door.

“Yes?” you asked.

“They found him. Ajax is back home.”

It’s as if something snapped inside of you. Before you know it, your whole body shakes with sobs, yet you’re standing and throwing on shoes as if you’re on autopilot. You thought that you might hear your father calling your name, but you’re already throwing open the door and heading to the house beside yours. Your knuckles might have started bleeding with how hard you knocked on the door to Ajax’s house, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You need to see him. You need to make sure that he’s okay. 

Eventually, Ajax’s other brother, Alec, opened the door.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You can’t see him.”

“Please!” you were gasping for air now, and you think that seeing Ajax safe might be the only thing to help you catch your breath.

Alec shook his head, “I’m really sorry, y/n. He’s been through a lot. He needs some time.”

You felt a coat wrap around your shoulders and oh, you had almost forgotten about the Schneznyan flurry circling around you. You looked back and saw your mother, who placed her hands on your shoulders and flashed Alec an apologetic smile. She must have followed after you stormed out of the house.

“I’m sorry for the trouble Alec, I’ll take her home now.”

Before you knew it, you were back at your own home. Your anxiety has only slightly improved, knowing that Ajax is at home. You’re desperate to see him though, to talk to him and confirm his safety with your own two eyes.

You still couldn’t seem to find your appetite, and opt to head to bed early. At least time may pass faster if you’re asleep, and you’d be able to see Ajax sooner.

As soon as your eyes closed, you heard a faint knocking at your window. You thought it must just be the flurries, because no way-

Another knock, the exact same as before. 

You peaked towards the window and saw a mop of orange hair.

“Ajax!” you cried out, opening the window and pulling him into a tight hug.

You couldn’t stop the tears that flowed out of your eyes.

“I was so scared, I’m sorry, I should have gone with you, I’m sorry ‘Jax.”

When a few seconds passed where Ajax didn't say anything, you pulled away to look at him.

Maybe it’s because it had been a few days since you had seen him, but he looked different. 

His hair was a little bit longer, his freckles seemed a little bit more faded, even his shoulders seemed a little bit broader.

Ajax doesn’t meet your eyes, but you noticed that the large gash on his forehead was completely healed. Was your memory making it seem worse than it had been?

“Ajax?” you asked, hoping for a response from him.

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you look down and see a hydro vision hanging from his waistband.

“Y/n…” Ajax finally whispered, finally looking up to make eye contact. 

More surprising than the hydro vision, was the look of despair on Ajax’s face. The one prominent flame behind his eyes was now extinguished. 

“What happened to you?” you gasped.

Chapter Text

To say that Ajax was different after he came back would be a severe understatement. As painful to admit as it is, you could barely recognize the boy who was always as close to you as family. Not once since he returned had he stuttered or stumbled in his words or actions. And really, you’re glad that Ajax has come out of his shell (for whatever mysterious reason) but he’s so much different than before it’s like he’s been gone for years, not days. 

Though he doesn’t say anything, it’s clear that his family are having a hard time adjusting after his return as well. You’ve overheard your parents consoling Ajax’s mother on several occasions as the woman sobbed over her sweet son who would not tell her what happened during his days missing. 

And that’s the thing, Ajax hasn’t told anyone about what happened while he was missing. He doesn’t claim that he can’t remember, he simply refuses to speak of it. There’s no way that he had simply lost his way in the forest, as he didn’t look ill and hungry and cold when he returned, but he looked, for a lack of a better word, dead. 

It’s the same kind of look that you see in the Fatui agent’s eyes when they return from a long battle, the look that you see from survivors of a shipwreck in the harsh sea, the look that you see only in a person who has seen unspeakable horrors and experienced unbearable pain. 

You had never imagined that Ajax, at the young age of fourteen, would carry that expression with him wherever he went.

Ajax insists on returning for his last few weeks of school alongside you the next week, despite everyone advising him to stay home and rest a while longer. Like usual, (though this situation is anything but usual) you wait on the road in front of Ajax’s house so you can walk to school together. You see Ajax skip his way towards you, coat unbuttoned to show off his shiny new vision. 

You raised an eyebrow, “Do you really need to have that out right now?”

Ajax pouted, “It won’t work if it’s not on display! I can’t have anyone messing with us on my first day back.”

“You’ve only been gone a week, ‘Jax, I doubt they’re gonna throw a welcoming party.”

Ajax bit his lip and shrugged, “Still, I told you that I would get a vision and protect you, and you know what happens when you break a promise!”
“The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again, right?” you asked, huffing out a laugh. 

“Exactly!” Ajax laughed, louder and more boisterous than you’ve ever seen him laugh, and grabbed your hand with his. 

You ignore the burning at your cheeks, ready to blame the cold if Ajax tries to comment on them.

“So,” you started, “What can you even do with that vision? You’ve barely mentioned it for something so precious.”

Ajax hummed for a second before pointing at a large tree a few meters in front of you. It had been dead for years now, and the way that it looms over the street is probably a hazard.

“I can cut it in half,” Ajax said.

You rolled your eyes, “Very funny Ajax. What can you actually do?”

You barely have a chance to blink before Ajax lets go of your hand, seeming to summon some sort of blade made from hydro. He slashed through the trunk of the tree fluidly and turned around with a smirk as it toppled to the ground behind him. 

There’s a flash of something animalistic in Ajax’s eyes, a hunger that you’ve never seen before. Ajax was always anything but flashy, and it made you tremble a little bit when you saw him show off this way. He’s strong, stronger than any other teenager who got a hold of a vision three days ago. Especially a hydro vision, which is not an element known for it’s combative abilities.

“Impressed?” Ajax asked, grabbing your hand once again as you continued walking to school.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, not trusting your voice to come out unwavering. You only hoped that Ajax couldn’t feel the shaking of your hands. Sure, you were impressed, but you can’t say that you weren’t a little bit scared. 

You opted to nod your head in agreement instead.

“Just wait ‘til Maksim sees,” Ajax mumbled under his breath. 

“What?” as you suspected, your voice comes out weakly.

“Nothin’,” Ajax shrugged. “Just saying that he won’t try to mess with me anymore.”

You shake your head and stare at your feet as you walk, leaning into Ajax’s shoulder a little bit. It might be that you’re making things up, but his arm seems a bit bigger, his muscles a bit firmer, his stance a little bit more reliable to lean on. 

As expected, Ajax is swarmed with attention the moment he sets foot in your classroom. Instead of cowering away, he seems to soak it up with a resolution that you have never seen from him before. It was like watching a plant perk up in the sun, watching Ajax accept compliments and questions with a smile.

You can’t control the stab of jealousy that hits your chest when you notice how some of the girls in your class react to Ajax, now that they’ve taken the time to look at him. Sure, you had always wanted other people to acknowledge his charisma, but you can’t help but feel possessive over him at the same time. He’s your Ajax.

Ajax manages to disappear a couple times throughout the day, which is just about unheard of with the usual constant harassment from other boys in your class.
Based on his comments from this morning, Ajax doesn’t seem too worried about them with his newfound strength.

He almost has a disappointed look on his face when you two walk home at the end of the day.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, reaching down to intertwine your hand with Ajax’s again. 

Ajax shrugs, “Didn’t get the welcoming party that I was expecting.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, even though you didn’t quite understand. 

Ajax was showered in attention from everyone in the school, students and teachers alike. It was attention like he had never seen before. What else could he have been expecting?

The next day, one of Maksim’s lackeys shows up at school with an arm tightly bandaged and resting in a sling. Ajax casted him that same disappointed look, and the boy turned pale as the snow outside. 

“What was that look for?” you nudged Ajax lightheartedly. 

Ajax replied only with a shrug.

Chapter Text

More and more frequently, people who had a record of either hanging around Maksim or bullying Ajax seemed to show up to school with quite severe injuries and no explanation on how they were obtained. Obviously Ajax can’t be the one hurting them- he would never resort to such violence. Even if he’s power tripping a little but with his new vision you know that he would never go as far as inflicting broken bones and bruises onto his bullies. Not that you can say they don’t deserve it, and you know that you’re above fighting back with punches (the memory of punching Maksim during your first year of school still haunts you), but not once has Ajax ever stooped to their level, and there’s no real reason for him to start now. 

“Weird how so many people keep getting injured,” you mentioned to Ajax one day on the walk to school. 

Ajax, like he did so often nowadays, only replied with a smirk and a shrug.

Later that afternoon, as you waited for Ajax to use the bathroom before the two of you started your walk home, you felt a hand wrap tightly around your arm and before you knew it, you were dragged into a dark corner of the school. 

“How’d he do it?” someone hisses beside your ear, and to no surprise, Maksim is there when you turn towards the sound of the voice. 

You pull your arm harshly out of his grip and scowl, “Leave us alone.”

You try to take a step forward, but Maksim won’t move, and you’re not strong enough to shove your way past him. You’re stuck in place. 

“Just tell me, y/n. How’d he get so strong? Was he always this strong? Why’d he let himself get beat up for so long?” Maksim asked, almost frantically.

You couldn’t believe it, Ajax was the one who has been doing this? 

“Can’t you answer me?” Maksim growled, grabbing your arm again.

“Stop it! I don’t know!” you cried out. 

Before you even have a chance to blink, your arm is released and Maksim is falling to the ground, Ajax stands tall behind him. 

“What’d he do?” Ajax asks, the solemness of his voice sends a shiver down your spine. 

“Nothing,” you said, grabbing Ajax’s hand and trying to walk away, “You already hit him once, let’s go before someone finds out.”

Ajax doesn’t budge an inch, “Did he threaten you?”

“No Ajax, it’s fine, let’s just go home now,” you’re trying to pull Ajax in the opposite direction, get him away from the situation, get him away from Maksim who is trembling on the ground. 

The next moments are only seen as flashes in your memory, Ajax’s momentary soft smile, removing his hand from your grip, lifting Maksim up by the collar of his shirt, shoving a knee into Maksim’s gut, yelling, Ajax is yelling so loud, everything is so loud, was Ajax ever capable of being this loud?

Your vision is blurred tears and your pleas to Stop, Ajax, stop. Let’s go home Ajax, just leave it alone, are slurred by the sobs that escape your mouth. 

There’s blood on Ajax’s shoes and fists and finally he takes a step back and looks at your face and something clicks inside his brain. 

“Y/n,” Ajax started, taking a step towards you. 

You didn’t mean to, you really didn’t, but you take a step back. Away from Ajax. Out of his reach. His expression falls to a look of regret in an instant.

“Let’s go,” you finally spoke, grabbing Ajax’s hand and pulling him away before he had a chance to think about objecting. 

You’re halfway home before you can bring yourself to look at Ajax’s face again.
He’s crying. 

“I’m sorry,” he said through a sniffle. “I really didn’t mean to take it that far. I just wanted to protect you.”

You weren’t ready to talk to him yet, so you grip his hand a little bit tighter to reassure him. You were scared, and Ajax was sacred, and neither of you seemed to be able to understand what was going on anymore. There was no doubt in your mind that something massive had happened to Ajax in his days gone. The only thing is, you can’t begin to imagine what he could have found in that forest to cause such a drastic change. 

“They’re all weak,” Ajax exhaled, finally seeming to get his tears under control.  “Why is everyone else so weak, y/n?”

You didn't hang out with Ajax that weekend. For the first time in your life, you needed some space from Ajax, so you stayed holed up in your bedroom for a few days. Sometime during your second day without seeing him, your parents come into your bedroom wearing the same worried expression they always seem to be sporting these days. 

“Y/n, we need to talk about Ajax,” your mother said. Her soft smile is like a teaspoon of honey to help the bitter taste of whatever news she’s about to deliver go down easier.

“You know that he’s been a lot different since he came back from the forest a few weeks ago,” your father started. 

You can only nod silently. 

“He’s been getting into a lot of fights with your classmates, and his father, and there was an incident at the market yesterday as well.”
“An incident?” you asked. 

“A fight broke out, with Ajax at the center of it all. He almost killed more than half of the merchants,” your father explained. 

It’s like the air has been knocked out of your lungs. Though you want to deny it, you want to hold onto the belief that Ajax would never resort to such violence, after seeing what happened with Maksim the other day, you can’t continue to hold onto the sweet, kind Ajax that you’ve grown up with. 

Your mother places a hand on your back and traces soft circles, “We’re sorry Y/n, but his parents have decided to conscribe him into the Fatui. He’s leaving in a week.”

You don’t let any tears fall, only nodding and closing your eyes. 

“Okay,” your voice comes out as a whisper. “I just need some time alone now, I think.”

You sit there for a long time, thinking. You really, really, don’t want Ajax to leave, but you don’t know what else anyone can do for him at this point. And he’ll just be in training until he’s 18, right? Even the Fatui won’t swear in a child before they’re of age. It’s just training, so he can get his temper under control and return home before he ever even has a chance to see the battlefield, right?

Your train of thought is interrupted by a knock on the window. Except that it isn’t really a knock, it’s more of a crash, a loud pounding on the crash followed by a pretty angry yell of “Y/n, let me in! Fuck, y/n, open this window!”

You immediately recognize the voice as Ajax’s, but he’s speaking with a tone that you’ve never heard before. He’s angry, furious maybe. The window rattles in the sill as Ajax continues to bang on it with both fists, and you find yourself hesitating for a moment before approaching it and undoing the lock. 

This wasn’t looking good.

Chapter Text

“What the hell Ajax? Do you want to wake up everyone in the neighbourhood?” you sighed once he stepped into your bedroom.

Ajax doesn’t apologise, or show any sign of remorse. He only stares at you with his empty, empty eyes, slanted in a frown. 

“My parents are fucking sending me to the army,” Ajax hissed. “Sorry if I don’t give a shit about whether your Mama gets her beauty sleep or not.”
The comment has you taken aback. Ajax was never this mean. 

“I know,” you replied. You’re putting in every ounce of self-control you have to keep a calm demeanour. The last thing you want is for Ajax to notice how much his behaviour is upsetting you. Though a small voice in your head tells you that he probably wouldn’t care even if he did find out how badly his words hurt, he wouldn’t care.

“Why aren’t you more upset then?” Ajax’s frown deepens. “You should be just as pissed off as I am! I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m being punished like this?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong?” Your voice is as cold as ice. “If you didn’t do anything wrong, then what happened at the market, Ajax? What could those harmless vendors who we have known all of our lives done to deserve getting beaten half to death?”

Ajax freezes for a moment before his face morphs into an expression that you can’t quite read.

“You don’t understand, that’s all I know now. It’s all I have”

You don’t know if Ajax is referring to the fighting, the mindless violence or lying to your face. You can’t help but let out a dry laugh as you contemplate the last option. Was everything always a front with Ajax? Has he just been hiding his true nature for this long? Ajax shoots you a glare as you laugh humorlessly, taking a step towards you. 

Again, without even thinking, you take a step back. It’s like your body can sense the feeling of danger coming off of Ajax, and responds on its own.

“You don’t understand,” Ajax repeated. “You know what, you’ll never understand y/n. You’ve always had everything and the only good thing I had was you. When my father hit me, I wasn’t just taking the blows so my mother didn’t have to, or so my siblings would be safe, I was taking them for you . I thought, if I could get a little stronger, if I could bear this, then maybe I’d be strong enough for you!”

You don’t dare to do so much as let out a single breath. If Ajax was speaking loudly before, he’s yelling now. 

“But now, now that I’m stronger than anyone else, I’m still not enough!,” Ajax pulls at his face, at his hair, he’s so angry, so loud. You can’t hold it back anymore. 

“I can’t even recognize you anymore!” you screamed, and the words taste like venom in your mouth. 

There’s a beat of silence, and Ajax freezes in his place. 

“You can’t recognize me?” he asked. “You don’t know who I am? I don’t fucking either, y/n! I don’t know who I am!”

Your bedroom door swings open, and you finally remember that you aren’t alone in the house. Your father steps in with a furious look on his face.

“Get the hell out, Ajax,” your father seethes. “Don’t come back.”

Ajax leaves the room without a word, and a heavy silence fills the room. What were you supposed to do now?

You don’t see Ajax for the rest of his week that he has left in Morepesok. There was some part of you, some small part that still held out hope. Hope that Ajax might knock gently on your window one night, might apologise and take back everything that he said. The Ajax you always knew, the Ajax you grew up with might come back with fire behind his eyes and reassure you that he’s okay now, that everything is going to be okay. 

Sadly, dreams do not often reflect reality. 

You don’t get words of remorse or apology from Ajax. You don’t get any words at all. 

For a week, you’re left to suffer from the venom he’s injected into your blood, the manipulation, the lies, the anger. And you know it’s just that: words from anger. 

But hearing those words from Ajax, experiencing Ajax lose control of everything because of his rage, has shaken you to the core. 

You’re angry at Ajax, no doubt. His behaviour is inexcusable, and you think that even if he did pull together an apology, you wouldn’t be ready to forgive him fully yet. But above all, you’re scared for him. You know that serving the Tsaritsa in any capacity is seen as one of the highest honours that one can have, but the Fatui is still well, the Fatui. Their reputation doesn’t come from being the friendliest army in Teyvat, and a fourteen year-old joining their ranks (even as a training recruit) is practically unheard of. Ajax is (suddenly) a strong fighter, he’s more than proved that over the past few weeks, but you’ve just about thrown up the contents of your stomach more than once just thinking about some of the enemies he might face. Mentally, too, Ajax obviously isn’t in the best mindset right now. Joining the Fatui is either going to fix him or break him completely. 

You can only pray to the Tsaritsa herself that it won’t break him. 

Before you know it, a full week has passed, and your parents are asking you if you’d like to say goodbye to Ajax before his father takes him into town to leave. Obviously, you do, so you put on a brave face and head over to Ajax’s house. 

You find yourself seated in his living room, with both of your parents seated far away enough to not hear your conversation, but not far enough for Ajax to try anything without them interjecting. 

“I just can’t believe they actually let you come over,” is the first thing Ajax said to you.

“What?” you asked. 

Ajax sighed, “I haven’t been able to see any of my younger siblings in a week now. Hopefully the Fatui will feel less like a prison than my house does right now.”

You don’t know what to say. How can he be so nonchalant about this? 

“Take care of them, okay?” Ajax said.

You nod, still silent. 

“I’ll get stronger, y/n, just see.”
Your jaw almost drops. He’s still talking about that?
“That was never the issue, Ajax.” you finally spoke. “To me, you were always the strongest.”

Ajax only shrugs, it’s obvious that he doesn’t believe you. One last time, for old time’s sake, you suppose, you grab Ajax’s hand and interlace your fingers with his. 

“You’ll write to me, right?” you asked.
“Sure,” Ajax replied. 

At that moment, it was like nothing had happened over the past few weeks. It was just another afternoon at Ajax’s house, another lunch with both your parents. Another memory to look back on and smile about later, just another intimate moment shared with the boy you’ve grown up with. 

“I love you, ‘Jax” you whisper, squeezing Ajax’s hand a little bit tighter. “My window will always be open for you.”

Ajax nods, and you only see the way his eyes are shining with tears for a moment before he turns his head away. 

“I love you, too,” he replies, voice thick. 

You’ve heard that voice so many times, you know he’s only a few seconds away from bursting into tears.

As if on cue, your parents tell you it’s time to go home. And you agree with a nod and a smile. You turn away from Ajax before your tears can spill over as well. You don’t want your last memory of him for a while to involve this much tragedy.
You don’t look back, not until you’re back home and your tears have turned into sobs, your sniffles have turned into wails. He’s gone now, he’s really gone. 

Chapter Text

You groan as you trip over another toy on the ground. You pick it up and inspect it with a frown, what the hell is this? A hilichurl? Since when did toy vendors make things like this? 

“Teucer, buddy,” you called out to the young boy, “We need to clean up our toys when we’re done with them, okay?”

Teucer waddles into his living room, nodding and starting to pick up some of the toys. You give him a big smile and help organise the toys back into a bin. You can’t believe how big he’s grown in the past four years, it seems that it was just yesterday when Ajax held his younger brother in his arms for the first time and fought back tears. You shake your head to clear the image from your head, you don’t need to think about him right now. 

It’s been almost four years since Ajax left for the Fatui. He hasn’t come home yet. You don’t know when he’s coming back, if ever. 

Though Ajax promised to write often, you didn’t receive many letters. Though you wrote almost every week for the first year after Ajax left, you didn’t often get a reply. You started hearing less and less, and so you wrote less and less, and you haven’t had any contact with Ajax in around two years now.

To be honest, it crushed you. You were depressed for months, it felt like you really lost Ajax. The pain started to fade when you told yourself that people grow apart, and not everyone can keep their first love by your side forever. From what you could gather, Ajax has moved onto much greater things in the Fatui, judging by the luxury clothing and abundance of toys that always seemed to be arriving in the mail. It was definitely worth more than a fisherman’s salary. 

Since Ajax left, your two families have grown apart a lot. Your parents promise that they didn’t lose the friendship because of resentment towards their son’s behaviour, but of course you have your suspicions. 

In any case, you’ll often babysit Ajax’s siblings. While Ajax’s older siblings moved out before Ajax had left home, he still had three younger siblings: Tonia who is 11, Anthon who is 9, and little Teucer who is 5 years old. Teucer is still too young to start school, and Ajax’s mother often needs someone to keep watch over Teucer while she runs errands during the day. 

That’s why you’re over at his house now, watching Teucer collect different action figures and toys. 

You won’t be able to commit to babysitting them for much longer, as your boyfriend is working a big business deal right now. If all goes well, you may set afoot to travel with him to a different part of Teyvat very soon. 

In reality, you don’t really want to leave Snezhnaya. Living in the seaside village of Morepesok is all you’ve ever known, and you can’t say that you’re too anxious to leave. You established yourself as quite the artist, often taking commissions for portraits and other various drawings as required. Sadly, not everyone has their houses filled with the finest jewellery and furniture (as your neighbours seem to) and you must think about your future, and the money that goes with it. 

That was about one half of the reasons that you accepted Maksim’s attempts at courting you. That, and the fact that he started his pursuit of you around the same time that you had finally accepted that Ajax was done with you.

Though he spent years terrorizing Ajax, his tyrannic behaviour came to a halt once Ajax left town. He seemed more than remorseful of his behaviour as well. You’ve seen him at Ajax’s house more than once, begging for the forgiveness of Ajax’s parents for the way he treated their son. You can’t say that you’ll ever be able to fully forgive Maksim for the hell he put Ajax through for so many years, but you can also acknowledge the fact that the person you are at age 14 is not the same person you are at age 18. 

Maksim treats you well enough, he’s handsome enough, and he has a bright future ahead of him in the business world, which is a stability that you’re going to need as your parents grow older in age. 

Besides, moving somewhere else in Teyvat with him will be a good opportunity for you to expand your art business, Snezhnaya isn’t the only place in the world who enjoys paintings after all. 

“You hungry for lunch, Teuc?” you asked the boy with a smile, grinning even wider when he replies with enthusiastic nods. 

There’s a knock at the door. You glance at the clock, Ajax’s mother wasn’t supposed to be home for a few hours?

You swing the door open slowly, and you’re met with an unfamiliar face. He looks like he’s from Morepesok, no doubt, as so many of its residents also have that burnt auburn hair colour. For a moment you wonder if it might be Alec, Teucer’s oldest brother. You haven’t seen Alec for a few years, and his face is mostly a blur in your memory. 

That is, until you actually take a moment to inspect his face. Your eyes run over his button nose, his curved lips, his angular jawline. He’s much too young to be Alec, he’s probably closer to your own age. 

Your eyes finally reach his eyes, and you feel your heart explode inside your chest. 

Ajax.

“Y/n?” Ajax asked, and his voice sent a shiver down your spine. 

You look away from his face quickly, you’re not ready for this, you’ll never be ready for this, why didn’t anyone mention that he was coming home? 

Ajax seems to catch a glance of Teucer standing behind you, and he calls out with an excitement you weren’t sure you’d ever hear again. 

“Teucer! Come say hi to your big brother!” Ajax called out, and his voice was all honey tones. 

Teucer looks up at you as if to ask for permission, and you barely have a chance to nod fully before the young boy is leaping into his big brother’s arms. You realise that Teucer probably has no memories of Ajax, only knows him through the toys sent in the mail to him. 

You let Teucer and Ajax embrace for a few moments before you clear your throat. 

“So, you’re back?” you asked. 

“Yup,” Ajax said, twirling Teucer in the air a few times before setting the boy on the ground. “Only get today and tomorrow off, though, then it’s back to work.”

You continue to fix your gaze on the floor. Isn’t Ajax being a little bit too casual about all of this? Did he have memory issues? You can’t help but feel a lick of anger at the bottom of your stomach. Is this all he has to say to you?

“I see,” you whispered. You’re already shrugging on your jacket. If you stay here any longer, there’s really no telling what you might do. “I’ll leave you to spend some time with Teucer, your mother will be back in a few hours.”

Before Ajax even has a chance to protest, you’ve already slammed the door behind you. 

A part of you can’t even believe it, believe that Ajax has returned home after all these years. It took you longer than a second to recognize him, which goes to show just how much his appearance has changed. He’s probably over six feet tall now, which shouldn’t be much of a surprise since Ajax was always on the taller side. His hair is longer, his shoulders are broader and during the few moments that you dared to look at his face, you didn’t see a single freckle left on his skin. It’s like you’re fourteen all over again, laying on your bedroom floor while daydreaming about Ajax’s looks, heart beating faster with every moment. You’re just glad that you have no plans to meet Maksim today, the man would probably have a heart attack from guilt if he found out that Ajax was back in Morepesok. 

Before you know it, the sun has set and you’re still laying on your bedroom floor. You really don’t know how you feel right now. You’re relieved, very relieved that Ajax is safe, that he doesn’t have any missing limbs or severe injuries from being in the Fatui for years. But you’re mad, you’re so, so pissed off that Ajax thinks he can speak and act nonchalantly after all the pain he’s caused in your life. You’re confused, you’re scared, you’re-

You’re hearing a noise that you haven’t heard in years. 

A gentle tap-tapping on your bedroom window.

Chapter Text

As much as you don’t want to open that window- you really don’t want to, you find yourself unlatching it anyway. It’s probably more muscle memory than anything else, you tell yourself as you’re met with dull blue eyes. 

“Hey,” Ajax said as he swung his legs in through the window sill, much longer than they were last time he stepped into your bedroom. There’s a flash of a memory, a moment that makes you recall the night that you fought with him, standing in this same room, this same position. You can’t help but flinch at the memory, those wounds are almost four years old now, but some scars will never disappear completely. 

“I’m sorry,” Ajax confessed, he can probably sense how uncomfortable you are right now. “I should have apologised before anything else earlier today. I just got caught up after seeing Teucer all grown up.”

Ajax takes a few slow steps around your room, glancing at the books, the drawings, the painting supplies scattered everywhere. You can’t hope but wonder what he’s thinking, what he thinks of you now. 

“Sorry for what?” you asked instead, not ready to voice your real thoughts. 

Ajax sighs and takes a seat on the edge of your bed, “Everything, I guess.”

You take a seat beside him, sighing as well, “I was really hurt, you know.”

“It got really… busy I guess. I really didn’t even have time to write to my family, believe me. Don’t tell my parents this, but I usually just have one of my subordinates buy them gifts to send with the money,” Ajax admitted. You can’t help but feel like he’s holding something back in his explanation. When you turn to catch a glimpse of his face, his expression is a combination of guilt and sheepishness. 

In any case, Ajax is going to be gone tomorrow, and even if you don’t really forgive him, this is probably going to be the most closure you’ll ever get on the matter. 

“It’s fine Ajax, I understand. I’ve been busy, too. How’d you manage to finally get some time off anyway?” Out of the corner of your eye, you see him wipe underneath his eye. “Are you crying?” you asked. 

Ajax lets out a wet laugh, “Sorry-fuck, this is pathetic. It’s just been a while since someone’s called me that.” 

You don’t understand, turning to face Ajax fully you asked, “Since someone’s called you by your name?”

Ajax nods silently, and before you have a chance to think about what you’re doing, you’re lifting your own hand to his face and wiping away a tear as well. 

Ajax grabs your hand with his own, and you can’t tear your eyes away from his, a muted blue that’s glistening from the tears. Your eyes dart down to his lips- only for a split second- but it doesn’t seem to go unnoticed. Ajax is leaning in, you’re leaning in- and fuck. Fuck. Fucking Maksim.

You pull back and keep your eyes glued to the ground. You can’t bear to look at Ajax’s face right now. “I’m sorry, I- I have someone now.” 

Ajax lets go of your hand and rubs at the nape of his neck, “No, I’m sorry. I’m the fool for thinking that the most gorgeous person in Morepesok would still be single.”

You can’t pretend that your heart doesn’t skip a beat at Ajax’s flattery, like you don’t wish that you could forget about Maksim, forget about the stability that he offers. Sitting beside Ajax in your bedroom again, it’s like you can finally breathe for the first time in four years. Even from this short encounter, it’s evident that Ajax’s once boyish charm has matured into something more refined. His once cute features are now undeniably handsome, he’s a smooth talker and he’s confident. He’s always owned a part of your heart, but he would be anyone’s heartthrob now.

During your moment of essentially, swooning, over Ajax, you catch a glance at your clock. 

“Oh my god, Ajax, it’s going to be your birthday in twenty minutes.” you said. “We have to do something. Got any big wishes for your coming-of-age?”

Ajax holds his hands out in front of him, glancing at them for a few seconds. 

“Let’s go ice fishing,” Ajax said, flashing one of the widest smiles you’ve ever seen. 

In just over fifteen minutes, you’re seated on a low stool, gripping a fishing rod as Ajax cuts into the ice. You doubt that there’s going to be any fish caught right now, but you both know that this fishing trip isn’t really to fish. It’s to have some sense of closure. You grip your pocket watch in gloved hands as Ajax finally pulls a stool up beside you. With your other hand, you intertwine Ajax’s fingers with yours, resting your head on his shoulder. The clock hits midnight. 

“Happy birthday ‘Jax,” you whispered. 

It’s moments like these where you wish that you had a canvas to capture the moment. Even so, you’re not sure that even the most talented painter in the world would be able to capture the complexity of what’s happening right now. Sure, visually, it would be stunning. The wide lake, the dark sky, the moonlight that illuminates Ajax’s eyes. Your gloved hand, tracing the thick calluses and deep scars on Ajax’s palm. 

But there’s so, so much more. The silence between the both of you, loud but comfortable. The beating of your heart in your chest, the shaking of Ajax’s hands that you’re pretending not to notice. 

There’s years of history and years of suppressed emotions, unsaid confessions, being swept up by the wind and dispersed into the night. It’s the ending to Ajax’s adolescence. 

Eventually, the cold becomes too much and you both retreat back to your bedroom. 

“You asked why I finally got time off. It’s because I got a big promotion,” Ajax confesses once you’re both laying on your bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling.

“Really? That’s great,” you reply. You mean it. “Is this new job gonna let you come home more often?”

Ajax coughs, “The opposite, actually.”

You feel a stab of disappointment at the bottom of your stomach. “Your siblings really miss you, you know. You’re kind of their hero.”

It’s the truth. Tonia, Teucer and Anthon really admire their brother more than anyone else does. Who wouldn’t, he sends home the newest toys and letters with the coolest stories. He’s protective and successful and provides for his family. As much as you’ve resented him for so long, you can’t help but admire him as well. 

“I miss them too,” Ajax sighs. “I miss you, I miss my parents, I miss all of Morepesok every day. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t in so deep.”

You can’t remember the last time Ajax spoke so openly. 

“Am I allowed to ask?” you say. If Ajax is deep into the Fatui, about half of his knowledge on well, everything is probably classified. 

“I wish that I could tell you more. About everything.” Ajax says. His voice is quiet, timid. Honest. 

It’s well past midnight now, and you can feel your blinks slowing down as your eyelids grow heavy. 

“Well,” you stifle a yawn. “If the Tsaritsa ever needs a new portrait done, refer me and I’ll buy you a good meal.”

Ajax chuckles, it’s low and melodic, “For sure, y/n.” 

You let your eyes close now, exhaustion from all that’s happening today finally catching up. There’s a good few minutes of silence, before Ajax speaks again. 

“Thank you. For always keeping your window open for me.”

Sunlight floods your room the next morning, waking you up earlier than usual. When you look around your room, you’re alone once again.

Chapter Text

You can’t help but let out a sigh of happiness as you soak in the atmosphere around where you’ve set up your painting station for the day. It’s a simple commission, coming from the perfumer Ms Ying’er. She’s launching a new vishap-themed perfume, and asked that you paint her few promotional posters of the bottle with a background in Millin. 

Moving to Liyue has been a complete change of lifestyle, but you can’t say that it hasn’t been for the better. Sure, you miss your parents in Morepesok, but you’ve found that the bustle of Liyue Harbour has been much more suited to you. 

Even something as simple as being able to leave the house without a coat, or simply soak in the rays of sun as you paint has made all the difference in your happiness. You’ve been living in Liyue for almost a year now, and you can’t say that you’re planning on going back to Snezhnaya anytime soon. 

That is, except for the wedding. About six months ago, your now fiancé, Maksim, proposed to you. It wasn’t hard to think of an answer, you said yes. 

In the past few years of your life, Maksim has been the only thing that’s constant. He’s always been there to support you, and he’s kept you grounded more than anyone else has. At the start of a good morning, he’s there to kiss you and make you breakfast. At the end of a long day, he’s there to hold you and listen to your worries. 

Hell, the reason that you could move to Liyue in the first place was because he struck up a business deal in supply to several vendors in Liyue. In the past few months, he’s been working harder than ever, coming home later and looking more worn out just so that he can provide for you , get ready to start a life together with you. He’s an admirable, honest man, and you really wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with him. 

It doesn’t take long to wrap up your first few paintings, (you’d like to give Ms Ying’er a few samples to choose from) and you’re able to head back to the harbor before the sun has fully set. 

It’s no surprise that Maksim isn’t already at your home when you arrive, he usually doesn’t come back until a few hours after the sun has set. Today, you decide to cook dinner yourself. If you start now, you’ll be able to have food on the table by the time your fiancé gets home. 

However, halfway through when you’re slicing some tomatoes, there’s a knock on your door. Once you open the door, you’re faced with a few masked Fatui agents. 

“Is this the residence of Mr Maksim?” one of them asks. 

You pause for a moment, why would the Fatui be looking for Maksim?

“What business do you have with him?” you ask. 

The agent hands you what seems to be a letter. 

“Debt collection. Tell him that he’s got a week before our boss is coming to collect on his other assets,” the agent recites monotonously, as if he’s already said this twenty times today. 

You stand up straight and nod stiffly as you watch the agents walk away, though you feel like your legs might collapse underneath you at any moment. 

Since when did Maksim owe any money to anyone? Any fool knows that it’s practical suicide to borrow from Northland Bank, how could Maksim do something so foolish? Money shouldn’t even be an issue in the first place, if his business is succeeding as he’s claimed it’s been. 

Once the agents are out of sight, you slam your front door and sink to the floor. How much has he been lying about? If he’s not getting money from his business, what other assets can the bank collect upon? The house? Your money? His life?

The thought sends a shiver through your body, though after the chill has settled, all you can feel is rage. 

You can’t help but pace around the kitchen now, awaiting Maksim’s return. What kind of fool did he take you for? Was he just planning on marrying you to be able to pass his debt off onto someone else?

A few hours later, the front door swings open, “I’m home, my love,” you hear Maksim call out. 

You don’t reply.
“Y/n?” he calls again, this time a little bit louder. 

Eventually, he makes his way into the kitchen, where he immediately spots you, letter torn open on the dining room table. You see his face pale once he takes in your undoubtedly angry expression. 

“A week, Maksim!” you exclaim. “You have a week to get 100,000 mora!”

There’s no other way to describe the look on Maksim’s face than as one of pure guilt. 

“I’ll get it, y/n, I will, just listen-”
“I won’t,” you cut him off. You really can’t stand to listen to excuses right now. “You’ll get the mora, and then I’ll listen. I’m going to bed now.” you declare. 

You don’t bother to look at Maksim’s expression before turning around and walking to your bedroom, closing the door behind you. 

You don’t see Maksim the next morning. Or the next night. In fact you don’t see him any of the days for the week after that. You’re busy in your own right, taking care of paintings and other artwork that you’ve been commissioned for, and you don’t have time to chase around your fiancé all day. So, you’re only left to hope and pray to the Tsaritsa herself that Maksim has gone off to make back the mora that he owes. 

However, by the time that the sun is setting, one week after the Agent delivered the letter of warning, Maksim still hasn’t returned with the money. 

And so, for the sake of his future, of your future, and of the future you share together, you set off to look for him.
You’re quite well acquainted with a good amount of the residents of Liyue Harbour by now, and they all try to be helpful in locating Maksim. Though you practically have to shake it out of him, Shintou, the jade vendor, admits that your fiancé's been hiding out at the Pearl Gallery for the last few days. 

“The Pearl Gallery?” you repeat back to Shintou, whose face seems to be coated in a layer of cold sweat.

“Listen y/n, Maksim said that-” the man starts, eyes glued to the ground.

You see red for a second, you’re still being asked to listen? Pathetic. 

“I don’t want to listen anymore,” you seethe, spinning on your heel and taking off towards the Gallery. If Shintou is calling out after you, you can’t hear it over the sound of ringing in your ears. 

The boatman, Pinghai you believe his name is, transports you to Pearl Gallery in silence, and it feels like the longest ride of your life. The silence of the boatman, the gentle rocking of the boat, it all feels like a calm before a storm. 

First lightning strikes before you even have a chance to set foot on the deck of the Pearl Gallery. You can see Maksim from your seat on Pinghai’s boat. He’s relaxed, he’s smiling, and then he’s pressing his lips to some woman’s mouth. 

Something snaps inside of you. 

“I’m sorry, but could we just return to the Harbour?,” you ask Pinghai. Your voice is barely a whisper. 

The man doesn’t reply verbally, but turns the boat around. 

It’s like you’re looking at a series of paintings or photos from a kamera, the way that you recall the next moments. Each footstep feels heavier, each breath you take is more laboured. By the time you finally reach your home, you can’t find the strength to move a step further from the inside of your front door. What you thought was anger bubbling up inside of you, has turned into a white-hot pain. 

It hurts. 

You feel like clawing your heart out of your chest, it hurts so, so much. You can’t seem to catch your breath, and you quickly realise it’s because of your sobs that you’re practically gagging on. When did you start crying? 

It doesn’t matter now. 

The pain of your heart quickly spreads to the rest of your body and it’s all red, white, flashes of memories and the engagement ring on your finger burns, and you look down and realise that it’s literally red-hot. It’s not just the ring though, it’s the entire house. Your sobs turn into coughs and you’re choking on the smoke from the flames that engulf your house. You’re confused because the flames seem to be coming from your hands and that’s not possible- it can’t be. 

You know that you should stand up- should turn around and leave the burning house, but you can’t. You close your eyes instead because you’re tired, you’re so tired. You decide that maybe this is it- maybe this is enough. 

You must really be reaching your limit because the next time you open your eyes you see hands wrapped around yours, long fingers and thick calluses that feel strangely familiar and for some reason- nothing is on fire anymore, but it smells like smoke. 

“You need to stay awake,” a voice tells you, and you can’t help but smile at the sound. It’s just like Ajax’s. 

And you’re so tired, but you think that you might be okay now that you’ve heard his voice one last time. 

So you close your eyes again.

Chapter Text

You’re surprised, to say the least, when you wake up in a room alone. For a moment you wonder if last night was just a nightmare, just a worst-case scenario made up in the deepest subconscious of your mind as you slept. That is, until you take a moment to assess the situation you’re in. Physically, you feel as spry as could be, though there’s plenty of evidence that suggests you’re not actually doing as well as you feel. 

First and foremost, you did not wake up in your own bedroom. Looking out the window, you immediately recognize the scenery as Wangshu Inn. When you take a moment to look around the room you’re in, the large bed and fancy decor, a spike of panic strikes you at the realisation that you’re in a luxury room. You don’t have the money for this- how are you going to pay? With Maksim’s debt- 

The world freezes for a moment. 

Maksim. 

You look down at your arms and notice that the sleeves of your shirt are singed down to the elbow. 

Ah, that’s right. It all comes rushing back. 

The memories are a fresh wound that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but you’re overcome with even more confusion than before. Who found you? How did you get here? 

You head down to the front desk in search of answers. 

“A young man dropped you off here last night,” Verr Goldet says. 

It’s just your luck that the inn is owned by possibly the most reticent person in the entirety of Liyue. No matter how hard you press the woman, she doesn’t divulge any useful information. 

“And you’re sure that you don’t know who he was?” you ask again, furrowing your brow further. 

“He did not provide the inn with any identification, no,” the owner replies, her face blank. 

You repress the urge to roll your eyes at the woman. She’s obviously well-versed in evading questions.

“Okay, I’ll be back later to settle my bill,” you sigh, finally giving up on getting any useful information out of the woman. You turn around to retreat to your room. If you’re already paying for one night you might as well get another nap in before you return to the harbour to inspect whatever’s left of your house. 

“There’s no need,” Verr Goldet calls out behind you. “He already paid. The room is yours for the next month. Enjoy your stay.”

It’s strange, the way that the flow of emotions work. Last night, you felt so much, so intensely that you couldn’t bring yourself to escape from a flaming house. Now, the next day, you don’t even feel a pang of sorrow as you stare at the ashes of the scorched building you once called home. The damage isn’t all that extensive, somehow the flames seemed to be contained to the doorway and front portion of the house. You probably have enough mora saved up to rebuild it, now that the wedding is off. But really, what’s the point of living in a house alone? It’s probably better to abandon ship now and leave all the decisions up to Maksim. Really, it’s the least he can do. 

You decide that your lack of feeling well- anything, when it comes to Maksim, is a concern for later. Right now, you focus on packing your essentials to bring back to your room at the inn. The grief, the suffrage, the rest can wait for later. 

A knock on your door interrupts your third nap of the day. You muster up the small amount of determination you have left and open the door, feeling goosebumps rise on the back of your neck as you take in the person standing there. The uniform is both familiar and not, the sharp edges and blacks and greys are what makes you recognize it as belonging to a member Fatui. You keep your eyes glued to the ground, refusing to let your voice waiver. 

“I won’t help with his debt. I have no association with him anymore, it’s not my problem,” you state, attempting to shut the door once you’re done speaking. 

The Fatui agent with the weird uniform sticks their boot in the doorframe, stopping you from closing the door completely. 

“You’re no longer associated with him?” the agent asks, and his voice isn’t distorted like agents’ usually are either. It’s almost familiar. 

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head in response, not trusting of your voice to stay unwavering for another sentence. 

“Can you look up at me?” the agent asks, and now his tone is dipping into something meek, something a little bit shy.

You open your eyes but don’t move them from the agent’s pair of shoes. 

“Look at me, y/n.”

There’s something about the way that the agent speaks your name that has your head whipping up, your eyes darting to meet his-

“ Ajax,” you breathe.

Momentarily, you wonder if this is all just a big dream. The debt, the fire, the Pearl Gallery, the conversation you’re sharing with your estranged childhood sweetheart. 

“It was you?” you ask, unable to do anything but gape at his presence. 

“It was. Sorry, I would have come by earlier, but the bank keeps me busy just about all day long,” Ajax flashes you a sheepish smile. 

You nod in understanding. Though you’d like to chastise him in your head for acting all too casual, there’s something heavy looming in the air. 

“You can tell me what happened,” you say, “I can take it.”

Ajax sits down on the bed in the room with a sigh- and there it is, there he goes acting all too casual for the situation. In any case, you sit down beside him, crossing your legs and waiting for the story to unfold. 

“I didn’t know that it was your house,” Ajax starts. “I handle debt collection at the bank, and a patreon wasn’t paying back their loans, so I went to check up on it. Once I showed up, all I saw was a house on fire. I heard coughing coming from inside so,” he taps on the hydro vision hanging off of his waist. 

You glance down at Ajax’s vision, and definitely not the strip of his abdomen exposed by the unbuttoned portion of his uniform.

“You passed out in my arms so I brought you here and had the boss lady call a doctor to make sure that you were okay. That’s about it.” 

Well, at least Ajax wasn’t stalking you. 

“Can I ask, is Maksim…” Ajax trails off rather quickly, but you understand what he’s trying to ask. 

“Yeah, the same one from Morepesok,” you admit.

“And when you said that you’re no longer affiliated with him?” 

“We were engaged. Now we’re not.”

You pray that Ajax doesn’t press any further, because there’s really no telling how you might react. Ajax has always been your wildcard, someone who causes you to do and feel things that you don’t understand. Luckily, Ajax says nothing else. 

“How interesting that we met again in Liyue, I mean, talk about coincidence,” you say to fill the silence. 

Ajax stands up with a small smile. “Some astrologers claim that our fates are all predetermined. They’re as good as written in the stars.”

He takes a few steps towards the door before pausing and fishing something out of his pocket. 

“These are yours, I wanted to make sure that they went directly into your hands.”

Ajax drops something into your hands and makes a swift exit, without even giving you a chance to say goodbye when you still have so many questions. 

You don’t even have a chance to go after him, as you find yourself rooted to the spot. It’s like you’re finally awake for the first time in your life. The fog that’s been plaguing your mind all day clears, and you can finally feel . 

In your hands sits two items- your scorched engagement ring and a pyro vision- glowing in all of its glory. 

Chapter Text

You grimace as you shoot back more fire-water, feeling a warmth rise to your chest as it settles. Beside you, Beidou frowns as she sips her much milder drink, but doesn’t comment on your rapid consumption of alcohol. 

“You want some?” you ask your friend, waving the bottle in her face a little bit tauntingly. 

“I’ll leave the fire-water to you Snezhnayans. Wanna tell me what the occasion is?”

When you shake your head it’s as if you can feel the movement of your brain in your skull. Maybe you should have paced yourself a bit more.

“Aren’t I allowed to pay my dear friend a visit?”

Beidou sighs and grabs the bottle from your hands, holding it just out of your reach. “Sure you can. Usually you don’t show up already half corked before even setting foot on their ships, though.”

You lunge forward to try and swipe the fire-water from Beidou’s hands, but your fingers barely graze the bottle before she raises it further up. It’s obvious that you’re not getting your liquor back until you give her some version of the events that transpired over the past few days. Your tongue feels half-limp in your mouth, and your brain can’t really come up with full sentences right now, so you instead slam your shiny new vision on the table in front of you.

For the first time in your months knowing her, you see Beidou stunned into complete silence. 

“Yeah, he’s also having an affair,” you feel a chuckle rise to your throat, “And half my house burned down.” 

Beidou takes a swing straight from the bottle of fire-water. 

“Shit,” she exhales. 

“You wanna stay with the crew here for a bit?” she finally asks, a few moments after the shock has settled for her. 

You don’t think that the shock will ever settle for you. It’s as if shock has seeped through your nerves and sank into your bones. It’s a constant buzz, a constant pin-prick at your skin, a constant pulse ringing in your ears.

“Maybe,” you reply, not really feeling like explaining Ajax to her either. “I have a room at Wangshu Inn right now so,”

Beidou nods, silently again. Her visible eye still hasn't moved from your vision on the table.

Maybe you shouldn't have revealed anything in the first place. 

“Captain Beidou!” Juzo, the chief mate, calls out from somewhere distant. “The Qixing have summoned for you.” 

Beidou’s frown deepens, and she glances between you and the vision and the bottle of booze one last time, “Talk about bad timing. Stay here until Kazuha gets back, he’ll take you back to the inn.”

You shrug and tilt your head back, relishing in the way that your blood rushes to the top of your head. 

Beidou places two hands on your shoulders and looks into your eyes. “You’ll be okay,” she tells you, before pulling you into a quick hug. 

“Thanks,” you say, but there’s no spirit behind it.

“Do not get off the Alcor alone,” Beidou repeats, “Kazuha will be back soon.”

Obviously, you get off the Alcor alone. 

The joints of your limbs feel fuzzy as you take another step forward, one foot after the other through the streets of Liyue. You don’t really know where you’re going, or where you are. In fact, you can’t even bring yourself to look down, with your eyes focused on the stars above. That’s something that you rarely see in Snezhnaya, a clear sky at night that reveals an entire galaxy above. Just another one of Liyue’s charms that you’ve fallen for. 

You haven’t been brave enough to walk around the harbour at night for a while now, it’s all too similar to that night. Not that you’re feeling brave enough now, it’s more like, you’re far too drunk to have the mind to stay away. 

When you finally tear your eyes away from the stars above, you’re met with the vivid nightlife of Liyue harbour. Bright lanterns and taverns and music at every corner. 

Just as you suspected, it’s all the same. 

It’s the exact same. You bet, if you walked down to the Pearl Galley right now, you’d find Maksim in the exact same position as you did so many nights before- latched on to some unsuspecting man or woman. 

It’s a bet you’d put money behind. Hell, you’d put your entire life behind it if you had the chance. You’re sure. One hundred percent sure. So sure that you decide to walk (it’s more of a stumble, but who's really keeping track), towards the water again, to try and get a glimpse of the deck of the Galley. 

As you draw nearer and nearer, you can feel your heart heating up, your soul being set on fire. Really, how could he do this to you? How could anyone do this to anyone? Infuriating barely begins to scrape the surface of what you feel. 

You take a heavy step to the left. Was it always this difficult to walk on the docks? Was the world always slightly tilted to the side? Was your body temperature always this warm? It’s so warm, was Liyue always this warm? 

In the next step you take, you’re shuffling to the right this time, taking uncoordinated steps in a stumble until you feel your ankles lock together and you’re plummeting towards the water-

Until you’re not.

“Woah, careful there- Archons you’re warm.”

Your mind faintly registers the feeling of large hands wrapped around your waist. 

There’s a flash of auburn hair in the corner of your vision- not vibrant like Maksim’s, it’s a burnt auburn, a more muted tone. It reminds you of- oh, no. No way you’re this unlucky. 

“Y/n?, look at me. Look at me and take a breath.”
Of course, in your lowest moments yet again, you’re faced with Ajax. 

It’s not until that moment, until you try to take a breath that you realise you’re somewhat hyperventilating. You feel Ajax’s hands guiding you lower and lower until you’re sitting on the docks, staring into his face. 

Slowly, Ajax removes his hands from your waist and links them with your hands, smothering the flame that was flickering up from your palms.

“Just breathe,” he repeats. “I’m here now, it’s okay.”

You look into Ajax’s eyes, and you’re finally able to take a breath. You feel the rage burning within you start to simmer down. You exhale shakily. 

“Your hands, Ajax- the flame,” you try to pull away from him.

Ajax only grins widely and squeezes your hands a little harder. “It’s okay. Hydro vision, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right.”

“You reek of fire-water,” Ajax says, but it’s not accusatory- there’s something playful in his eyes.

You expected him to be mad- to be disgusted even. The last time you discussed drinking with Ajax was when you were fourteen, fishing over a frozen lake as Ajax shared the details of his drunken father and broken family. 

“Bet I remind you of home, don’t I?” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. Oh god.

Instead of scowling or cursing you, Ajax only laughs, “You sure do,” he replies. “You got somewhere to be?”

You shake your head, a little dumbfounded.

“Perfect,” Ajax stands, pulling you up along with him. “Because I have a fresh pot of sobering tea back at my place that is just calling your name. You wanna check it out?” 

You shrug and lean your bodyweight against Ajax, gravity feels so much stronger now. 

“Yeah, just one thing before we go,” you say, your tongue feels almost swollen in your mouth. 

Ajax cocks his head to the side, waiting for you to continue. 

“Can you see if Maksim’s still on the Pearl Galley? ‘S he with someone? ‘Does he look happy?” 

Ajax seems to scan your face before turning around to look at the boat. He turns back a moment later, still sporting a smile, “Doesn’t look like he’s there. Let’s get going, okay?”

“Okay,” you agree, leaning on Ajax further as he wraps your arm around his shoulders. His shoulders are even broader, even stronger. You lean on Ajax, unwavering. 

Chapter Text

“Are you finding it hard?” Ajax asks on the walk back to his place. “Controlling your vision?”

You exhale deeply, blinking long and slow. 

“Haven’t really tried. Controlling it.”
Ajax only hums in response. For some reason, the silence prompts you to elaborate further.

“It’s like a curse. Showed up at my worst, and ‘s only acting up when I’m losin’ it. When I don’t have it, I hate my life, when I do have it, I hate my life and ‘m destroying everything around me.”

“Destroying,” Ajax says the word like he’s testing the way it feels in his mouth. “You’ve barely scratched the surface of destruction, y/n, I promise.”

You’d usually take his words as dipped in sarcasm, as they so often are, but something about the hardened look on Ajax’s face makes you believe him. 

“Thanks,” you mumble instead, “For cooling me down. ‘S like I’m ten and punching at Maksim all over again.”

Ajax laughs, a hearty noise that shakes the entire frame of his body, “Maybe you had the right idea back then.”

You hadn’t even realised that you’d arrived at Ajax’s apartment until he’s unlocking a door and gesturing you inside. You follow him down a hallway, ending up a spacious kitchen. Spacious might even be an understatement, it’s probably the same size as the entire first floor of your previous home with Maksim. It’s good to see with your own eyes that Ajax is, in fact, doing well for himself. 

You watch Ajax piddle around the kitchen, sparking a fire to boil water before rummaging through a cupboard for several minutes to find some tea leaves. It’s a familiar domesticity, something that you’d see so often in your early teenage years in the afternoons that Ajax would take care of his siblings. A warmth blossoms in your chest, but it’s not bitter, it’s not angry, it’s just warm.

“Missed you, ‘Jax,” you say, unable to stop a smile from tugging at your lips. “Thought about ‘cha every day once you left.” 

Ajax takes a seat beside you, carding his fingers through your hair once. When you look into his eyes, you can’t decide whether to take comfort in the familiarity of his muted gaze, or indulge in the despair that consumes you when you recall the way that his eyes used to shine. 

You reach out a hand to cup Ajax’s face, leaning forward to press your forehead against his. His skin his warm under your touch. Not a bitter warmth, not an angry warmth, just warmth.

“Take my bed if you’re tired, I’ll crash on the couch,” Ajax pulls away after a moment has passed. He turns his head to the side to hide it, but you still smile a bit wider when you notice pink blossoming at the height of his cheekbones.

“I don’t mind,” Ajax says with a shrug.

You can feel your eyes getting heavier with every blink. After all, it has been a long night. 

“Okay,” you agree, resigning to his offer and heading over to his bedroom. You’re curious about what his bedroom might look like, how it’s different from the one he shared with his brothers in Morepesok. However, you don’t give yourself the chance to really take in your surroundings, as your exhaustion takes over the moment your head hits the pillow of his bed, and you fall asleep. 

Of all things, it’s the unfamiliar baritone of a man’s voice that wakes you up. Oh god, does Ajax have a roommate? You must have overstepped by falling asleep here. You’re not sure how  much time has passed, but you’ve probably sobered up enough to make the walk back to Wangshu Inn without being sludged to death by a hydro slime. You’re planning to get out of bed and apologise before taking your leave. That is, until you actually hear the conversation outside is about. 

“-just don’t understand, Childe, you had no prior issues with Mister Maksim-”, it’s the same voice that woke you up moments ago, deep, smooth tones. The name Childe seems familiar,  for some reason, though it is a strange nickname, even for Ajax, who definitely has his share of immature moments.
“It’s true that before I had no issues with him, but now I do,” a voice that you recognize as Ajax’s replies. It’s laced with a passive kind of annoyance that you haven’t heard in years. 

“Even so, you beat the man half to death. I can’t begin to infer what could have warranted that.”

Ajax did what to Maksim? 

You almost feel guilty, listening in on this conversation, but it’s about your ex-fiance, and it probably has something to do with you as well

“It was warranted,” Ajax replies, his voice getting louder. 

“Was it?” the other man challenges him. Though his voice doesn’t raise much in volume, the confidence which he speaks with has skyrocketed. 

There’s a moment of silence, and you feel exhaustion seep into your bones again. Maybe you overestimated your sobriety, it probably wouldn’t hurt to stay for the rest of the night. It might not be the best time to go into the hallway and interrupt this conversation, anyway. That and, the fact that you want to know exactly what happened since you fell asleep. 

Ajax is the first one to break the silence with a sigh, “It was warranted, Zhongli. He was engaged.”

“That can’t be, I’ve seen him on the Pearl Galley countless times with-” the man’s sentence dies on his tongue, probably because the implication clicked in his mind. 

“I told Y/n, who Maksim was engaged to, that I’d take care of the both of us. I’m just doing what I promised. That man doesn’t deserve to enjoy another peaceful night after what he’s done.”

“Childe, there are other ways-”

“Sorry, Zhongli, for ruining our plans tonight,” it’s Ajax who interrupts the man this time. “We can meet at the Pearl Galley tomorrow night again if you’d like. I know that you were looking forward to seeing the new opera.”

“It’s no problem, Childe. Let’s meet tomorrow then.”
The sound of a door clicking shut echoes down the hallway. It must not have been Ajax’s roommate after all. The apartment is engulfed in silence again, and it’s not long before you fall back asleep again. 

Chapter Text

It’s the sunshine flooding the room that wakes you up in the morning. A simple luxury, one that you’ve come to cherish after living under the constant clouds of Snezhnaya your entire life. A groan escapes your lips as you reach your arms out in a stretch. 

Barely a second of your ignorant bliss passes before flashes of last night’s events come back to your mind. A wave of embarrassment rushes over you so quickly, you’re frozen in shock for a moment. How are you supposed to face Ajax now?

Luckily, when you finally muster up the courage to leave the bedroom and take a peek out to the rest of the apartment, it’s empty. A weird sense of deja vu strikes you and you’re brought back to the morning of Ajax’s eighteenth birthday. Once again, you wake up alone. 

You’re disheartened, to say the least, wondering if anything has really changed, if either of you have really grown at all. 

However, as you drag your feet through the kitchen towards the front door, you notice a piece of paper with a familiar messy scrawl. 

Had to get to work early this morning, didn’t want to wake you up!!!

Things have been busy with the Rite soon, can we meet up for dinner in a week at Third-Round Knockout??

There’s hangover soup on the stove as well. 

Ajax

You can’t fight the smile that consumes your entire face, a bounce in your step as you look through Ajax’s cabinets for a spoon. 

As things so often do with Ajax, dinner goes wrong. Well, to be fair, it never happens. Two days before the dinner is supposed to take place, Rex Lapis is murdered. You’re not at the Rite when it happens, but you’ve heard the horror stories from every sobbing Liyuean who has approached you looking to purchase one of your elegant paintings of the god. The general grief of Liyue’s citizens, combined with the sudden influx of custom commissions, has made you much too busy to attend any dinners for leisure. You have the courier send a letter to Ajax’s apartment expressing this, and he replies with understanding and kindness. 

You sigh in relief when you read the letter, placing it on a table before turning back to yet another custom commission of Rex Lapis. Over the past few days, you've been feeling closer to the god than a native-born Liyue citizen. You’ve been raised with nothing less than the highest loyalty to her majesty the Tsaritsa, so you can’t say that Rex Lapis’ death has affected you too harshly. That is, except for your work, as you paint Rex Lapis over and over again.

Rex Lapis in his dragon form, Rex Lapis during the Archon War, Rex Lapis as a woman, Rex Lapis with families, children, with grandparents, with family dogs .

You’ve seen so much of the Archon that it feels wrong to address him as something so impersonal as Morax at this point. 

At least you’ve got this room at Wangshu Inn for the next two weeks, and you’re able to enjoy one of the most gorgeous views in Liyue as you paint. Speaking of, you ought to begin searching for a new apartment soon. Not that the stakes are too high, if it comes to it you can always take refuge on the Crux. At least you’ll have a bit of spare mora to put down on a deposit, with the seemingly endless sales. Rex Lapis was the god of commerce, to the very end. 

When the date for the Rite of Parting is announced, your pile of requests only grows larger. Eventually, it grows to the point that you barely have the time to leave your room and get something from the Inn’s kitchen more than once a day. 

Any rational person would have closed their commission queue by now. But you’re now single, and living in Liyue Harbour can tend to get expensive, so you need to milk this death as far as you can for the mora. Sure, it’s taking a bit of a toll on your sleep schedule and social life, but it’s going to be worth it once you collect on the stack of invoices waiting to be delivered alongside the paintings. 

Speaking of, it seems that the courier is back to deliver the next batch of artwork when you hear a knock on the door of your room. 

“Just a minute, Hui,” you call out, gathering a stack of canvases and addresses in your arms. 

The knocking continues, a little bit more rushed this time. The funeral rush must be getting to everyone, you suppose. 

When you swing open the door a moment later, you are not met with Hui, but a very flustered looking Ajax. 

You can’t help but perk up a little bit at the sight of him, “Hey, Ajax.”
“Hey,” Ajax replies, but he’s panting as if he’s run halfway across Teyvat. “You’re doing okay? Been busy these days?”

“I’m fine, but are you alright? You look exhausted.”
He takes a moment to catch his breath before replying, “I’m good, but listen, I need you to stay here for the next few days. We can get you a bigger room, and I can buy you whatever meals. Just tell me what you need, okay?”

You shake your head to decline, “You don’t need to do that, really. I’m too busy these days to take more than ten steps from this room anyway, but is something wrong?”

It’s as if Ajax physically deflates with relief as he hears your words, finally managing to take a posture that doesn’t resemble a strung-out animal.

“Nothing for you to worry about, just promise me that you’ll stay away from the harbour for a while?,” he asks.

“I promise,” you confirm with a smile. If you weren’t so busy, you’d jump at the chance to invite Ajax in to spend some time with him, but you really can’t afford to do that right now.

Ajax returns your smile tenfold, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to your forehead. 

“Okay, good luck on the paintings,” he says, taking a glance around the room before taking off once again. 

True to your word, you stay away from Liyue Harbour for the next while. Not that you’d even have the time to make the trip there, if you wanted to. True to his word, Ajax has meals delivered to your door three times a day. You don’t really have time to even ponder why Ajax requested this so desperately, so you decide to shrug it off as another one of his enigmatic hunches. 

Until, six days later, when you finally have a moment to stretch your legs and take a walk around the inn. You order some food and wait at a table outside. The other patrons seem… quieter than usual. They speak in few words using hushed whispers. You don’t mean to eavesdrop when you overhear the conversation a few tables over, you really don’t. It’s just that, everyone else is so quiet, you can’t help but listen to the only thing that’s making noise. 

At least your eavesdropping gave you the answer as to why Ajax didn’t want you near the harbour, you think as you hear the woman speak.

“I’ve heard that the one who released that evil god on the harbour is the same as the assassin who murdered Rex Lapis. Supposedly the culprit is that young fellow in the Fatui- I think they called him Childe."

Chapter Text

Needless to say, you don’t have much of an appetite after you hear those words. To be frank, you’re dumbstruck for a moment, because it was so obvious all along. Ajax climbing the ranks so quickly, never being able to return home, his “big promotion” he told you about on his eighteenth birthday. You knew that the name Childe sounded familiar ever since you overheard Ajax’s friend address him, but hearing it again, you’ve finally put the pieces together. He’s no ordinary Fatui agent, but a harbinger. He’s Tartaglia, the eleventh harbinger, the “Childe” of them. He’s her majesty’s vanguard. 

It’s not common to refer to the elite members of the Fatui by their aliases within Snezhnaya. In the few public appearances they make, it’s all but a crime not to bow down with a “Lord Pierro,” or such. If one were to address him as “The Jester,” they may be made to face capital punishment. 

In any case, you’ve always honed a bit of resentment toward the Fatui (they were the ones who took Ajax away from you) and when it was announced publicly that a new harbinger was named, “Young Lord Tartaglia, The Childe,” you didn’t pay the utmost attention. It was around the time that you began your plans to move to Liyue with Maksim after all, you had bigger things to worry about in your mind.

But, maybe you should have paid more attention. If you had figured it out sooner, maybe you could have gotten him out, maybe you could have done something- maybe Rex Lapis wouldn’t be dead. 

You shake your head to clear the thoughts, you need to find out more. Ajax wouldn’t do this without reason- it’s possible that he’s not even responsible and that it’s just a stupid rumour. You take a deep breath in and close your eyes for a moment- now isn’t the time to panic. You’ve been through worse, and you’re more mature now. You can handle this. 

You keep your head held high as you begin the walk towards the Harbour- but you take all of three steps before realising that something’s off. The Jade Chamber is missing? 

To your luck, the Alcor is docked in Liyue Harbour today. The crewmates wave you on when they see you approach the boat, greeting you with cheerful smiles. 

Juza calls out first, “Glad you’re alright! Haven’t heard from you since the Osial attack.”

“Thanks, Juza. Is Beidou around?” you call back. 

“Should be in the Captain's quarters!” he replies. 

You make your way down there promptly, hoping to get a full honest recount of what’s happened over the past few weeks that you’ve locked yourself away from the world. Beidou is just as relieved as the rest of the crew to see you, standing up from her desk of important-looking paperwork to grab you in a quick hug when you enter her quarters. 

“‘Was gonna swing by the inn to make sure that you were alright but it’s been so busy here,” she says once she releases you. 

“I’m fine, I promise,” you assure her. “I was actually so far removed that I have no idea what happened. Where’s the jade chamber? What is Osial?”

You take a seat as Beidou explains the recent events. An evil god known named Osial, who was sealed centuries ago by Rex Lapis himself, was released upon the harbour near the Golden House. The Qixing and Adepti had to work together and sacrifice the Jade Chamber to subdue him again. It’s equally as shocking as it is heartbreaking. You love Liyue and it’s truly become your home over the past few years, and that’s why it’s so difficult to ask this next question. 

“Have the Qixing determined a culprit?” 

Beidou pauses for a moment before shaking her head in reply. 

However, it’s obvious that she’s holding back a bit. You know that Beidou is close to the Tianquan, and therefore close to the investigation. Whether it’s because of your foreign heritage or civilian status, she’s not going to give out information without a bit of a prompt. 

You swallow thickly before saying, “Many people seem to think that the young Fatui member who lives here in the harbour is responsible.”

The words taste like acid in your mouth. 

Beidou only shrugs in reply. “The Qixing hasn’t determined the official person who is responsible yet, but he seems like a likely suspect. However, even if he did do it, he’s technically a diplomat, so there isn’t much we could do anyway,” she confesses.

“I see,” you reply, pretending that every word doesn’t feel like a blow to your gut.
How could the sweet boy you grew up with do this? He was your first love, the closest friend you’ll ever have. Maybe it really was time for you to let go of the soft spoken Ajax with big dreams and glowing eyes. Over and over, you’ve been shown that the Ajax you’ve been holding onto so tightly all these years is gone. 

All that’s left is a hollow shell of him. A violent, cruel ghost of a boy who is not coming back.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Beidou asks. Shit, you must be visibly upset right now. 

“Sorry,” you say, feeling another stab of guilt when you realise that you’re not even mourning the loss that Liyue has suffered, but your own childish hopes, “It’s just a lot to take in.”

“The sun’s gonna set soon, head back to the inn and get some rest, okay?” she suggests, eyebrow creased in a frown. 

You agree, you need some time to think, “Okay, I’ll see you later Beidou.”

The sun is almost past the horizon by the time you make it back to your room. Though you thought that you needed time to think, you haven’t been able to do anything but try and process the grief that you’re feeling. Grief is seeping into the pores of your skin all the way to your bones, it’s weighing your entire body down. It’s a relief when you finally see the door to your room at the inn again, you’re ready to get some rest. However, as you take a few steps closer, you see a figure in the hallway in front of your door. 

As you approach, the figure becomes clearer and you can see that it’s someone sitting on the floor, knees pressed to their chest and they’re almost curled into a ball. 

“Ajax?” you ask when you see the head of auburn hair. Burnt auburn, not vibrant.

When he lifts his head up and meets your eyes, there’s a vulnerability there that you haven’t seen since before he was fourteen, before he ran off into the woods, before he had a vision. 

“I’m sorry. I had nowhere else,” he rasps, before collapsing at your feet in a heap of sobs.

“Shit,” you whisper through your teeth, bending down to place a gentle hand on Ajax’s back. “Come on ‘Jax, let’s go inside.”

You unlock the door to your room and help him inside, it’s best not to continue this in the hallway, especially when half of Liyue wants his head right now. 

Ajax’s entire body is shaking, there’s bags under his eyes and he looks so small . 

“I can’t  keep doing this,” Ajax confesses once he’s seated in a chair in your room. He’s resting his elbows on his knees, face towards the ground so that his hair forms a curtain around him. 

You kneel in front of him, pushing a handful of his hair to the side to look him in the eyes.

“I can help, but you need to talk to me. I need the whole story.”

Ajax nods with a certain amount of defeat.

“Okay,” he starts. “When I was fourteen, I didn’t only go missing for three days. For me, I was gone for three months.”

Your heart drops to your stomach.

Chapter Text

“I can help, but you need to talk to me. I need the whole story.”

“Okay,” Ajax starts. “When I was fourteen, I didn’t only go missing for three days. For me, I was gone for three months.”

You push down the wrenching feeling in your gut and ask, “How does that work?”

“I fell through a crack in the ground into a place called the Abyss. Time passes differently there.” 

You can’t help but frown at the explanation. That can’t be possible, can it? This has to be a lie, a twisted joke of sorts, Ajax has never once been fully honest with you in the past six years, so why would he start fessing up now? 

When you take a moment to inspect Ajax’s expression, the answer is clear. 

There’s nothing but despair on his face. He’s telling the truth because he’s at rock bottom. He has nothing else to lose. 

“The Abyss? Like, an Abyss Mages?” you ask after your pause. 

Ajax chuckles dryly, “An Abyss Mage is no more bothersome than a butterfly compared to the monsters that you find in there. I woke down there with nothing but a shortsword and a vision that I had no control over. I was a dead body walking- I still don’t feel like I should be alive today. You don’t, can’t, you can’t come back from that.”

You pull a chair up to sit across from Ajax, taking his hands in yours and squeezing in encouragement. 

“I was so young back then, it really fucked with my head,” Ajax confesses.

“You’re still young now,” you tell him.

There’s a beat of silence before he replies, “I suppose that you’re right.”

“Is that why you uh- fought so many people back in Morepesok?”

Ajax shrugs, “More or less. It was hard adjusting back to normal life, and I was still so scared. In there, I was worse than the scrawny shy kid, I was a sitting duck waiting to be killed. I didn’t really feel like I had a choice but to hurt those bullies and shopkeepers, anyone who could harm us.” 

Harm us . It echoes in your head the moment he speaks those words. After all these years, he still insists on considering the both of you. It’s like you’re still a duo in his mind. 

“I understand why you did it,” you assure him. Really, you did. “Why didn’t you talk to me back then?” 

For the first time in the conversation, Ajax takes a moment to think before he speaks, “They’re unspeakable, the things I saw there. I couldn’t put that on you. I’ve never even- even told anyone that I’ve spent time in the Abyss until right now.” 

Once again, you’re his first. Ajax’s first friend, first love, first person-he-told-about-falling-into-literal-hell. You can’t bring yourself to give a verbal response to the confession, opting instead to nod your head and squeeze his hand a bit tighter. 

“I didn’t make a lot of friends during my days in the Fatui. I was kind of favoured by a harbinger since my recruitment, so not a lot of people wanted to get close to Pulcinella’s new toy. I only had to stick with that reputation for a few years, though. A few days before my eighteenth birthday, Her Majesty informed me of my promotion to be her Eleventh. I was allowed to go back home for a day, because she knew I wouldn’t get to go back for years, probably.”

Ajax’s expression lights up a bit when he mentions Her Majesty The Tsaritsa. You knew that he was loyal to her, as any Snezhnayan would be, but you had no idea that he held such a deep admiration for her as well. 

“You really grew up in those four years. I actually thought that you were Alec when I saw you for the first time,” you admit. 

Ajax smiles at the thought. “I had no idea. It must have been a shock.” 

You smile back. “It was. I’m sorry, you can continue. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“There’s no need to apologise,” Ajax sighs. “The next important thing is probably the beginning of my Liyue mission. It seemed impossible, I was told to return within 26 months in possession of the Gnosis- a valuable relic of sorts, of the Geo Archon.”

You feel bile rise in the back of your throat. It must be true that Ajax-

“I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when his dead body fell from the sky during the Rite.”

Ajax didn’t assassinate Rex Lapis? Then, who did? 

“I didn’t kill him. He’s not actually dead. He-” Ajax chokes on his words. 

“I’m confused, Ajax,” you furrow your brow.

Ajax releases your hand from his hold and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. 

“When I first arrived in Liyue, I had one of my subordinates hire a cultural consultant. Zhongli was the one who came to my aid, but we eventually became close friends, too. He was the second friend I’d ever made in my life.” 

You remain silent. You can see that there’s tears welling up in Ajax’s eyes again. From the way that his eyelids are swollen already, it's obvious that he hasn’t cried in a long time.

“After Morax was killed, I planned only to steal the Gnosis from his body. My backup plan drew inspiration from a few sources; my fellow harbinger, mentioning the experiments on ancient seals that the Fatui has been conducting, Zhongli, whispering about the fiercest gods that Rex Lapis once defeated. I didn’t want to endanger innocent lives, but the first plan failed and I had no more time , so I released the god on the harbour.”

Ah, so there is some truth to the rumours. It makes you uncomfortable, in the least. If Ajax wasn’t just feeding you tragedies about his life, you would probably be sick to your stomach.

“In the end, I was just another pawn. Zhongli just needed someone to play the villain,” Ajax’s voice cracks at the end of the sentence. The tears are running down his face now.

You rub a hand down your face, “Zhongli?”

This story isn’t quite adding up. Is this just another lie? Another attempt to cover up his crimes? 

Ajax opens his mouth to speak, but only soft sobs escape. You watch him for a few seconds, hesitant to reach out. The sobs grow louder, and Ajax’s chest is heaving- is he breathing?
“Ajax, look at me,” you cradle his face in your hands. “You need to breathe, just look at me.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers. “There were kids in the harbour- I almost killed children.” 

“Just take a breath, breathe with me,” you repeat, not letting go of his face still. 

You inhale deeply, and Ajax takes a quick breath in as well. He’s trying, at least. 

“I just found out- Zhongli is Morax. He faked his death. It’s all a scheme, a big lie. I was just his toy.”

You feel your jaw physically drop. Can Ajax even be telling you this? Surely it’s some sort of confidential information? Either way, you can’t help but share Ajax’s pain. He’s in pain- that’s the reason for this all. Ajax has been in pain for a long, long time with no one to hold him and lick his wounds. You know that you shouldn’t coddle him right now, not after he’s confessed to such atrocious things, but you’ve always had a soft spot for the boy next door. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around him like he’s made of porcelain. You're so scared that if you make a wrong move, if you say the wrong thing, he’s going to crumble into a million pieces and slip through the gaps between your fingers. 

You’ve fought too long for that, you’ve waited too long to finally get a fleeting chance at understanding him to let that happen.

“You need to rest, right now. Don’t think any more,” you say once you feel Ajax’s shaking subdue. It’s more than obvious that he’s had a long day. This conversation probably won’t get much further, with his current state. 

So, you let Ajax take the bed in your room, and you sleep on the couch in the corner. 

“Ajax?” you call out after a while, to check if he’s still awake.

“Yeah?” 

“Why did you leave in the first place, when you were fourteen?” you ask.

Again, there’s a heavy moment of silence. 

“My dad got really drunk and threw a bottle of firewater at my head. Nothing too dramatic, I was just at my tipping point,” Ajax says it nonchalantly, like it’s a lighthearted matter. 

You suppose that he is the vanguard, so it probably is a lighthearted matter in the grand scheme of things.

That realisation shakes you to your core. It’s a blossoming fear that spreads from your chest to the rest of your body in only moments. Before you know it, you’re choking back your own sobs, muffling them with your hand clasped over your mouth. 

How did you both end up here?

Chapter Text

For the first time in a long while, Ajax is still there when you wake up. The expectation that he’ll leave is wedged inside you, like the smallest shard of glass, so you approach your bed carefully. You’re scared that Ajax will startle like a wild animal, pack up and flee if you make a wrong step and spook him. 

“Awake yet, Ajax?” you whisper. 

The heap of blankets on your bed groans back in response. 

They rustle, momentarily, before a mop of auburn hair pops out from the top of the pile. 

“Hey,” his voice is muffled by the blankets. 

You place a hand on his head, scratching your fingernails gently down his scalp. Ajax pulls the blankets down past his chin before leaning into your touch, eyes still closed. 

A few seconds later, Ajax grabs your wrist, stopping the motion immediately. His eyes are open, but they’re pointed at the ceiling. You don’t move, you don’t want to startle him. 

“I’m sorry,” is all Ajax says. “You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have to live with this.”

Please don’t leave. Is the only thought running through your mind. It’s all that you can bring yourself to care about. Even after hearing the confessions of his worst crimes, you can’t stand the thought of having him leave again. 

You pull your arm away, freeing your wrist from his grasp. 

“Don’t apologise anymore, I asked for the whole story,” you’re firm in your resolution. 

A flicker of something washes over Ajax’s face, it’s no longer than a second, but something changes. 

“Got it,” Ajax is grinning, though his expression resembles that of a statue. There must have been hours of careful sculpting put into his smile. 

It’s more than a mask that he takes on and off at will. It’s a wall that he’s built and reinforced god knows how many times.

“Hey,” you reach out for Ajax. He’s already out of the bed, fixing his scarf and attempting to brush past you and out of the room. Your fingers close around the tail end of his jacket, stopping Ajax in his tracks. 

“I have to get to the bank.” Ajax doesn’t look back at you.

You inhale sharply. “Come back when you’re done with work. Promise.”

“Okay,” he agrees, so you release the crumpled fabric from your hold.

The rest of the day passes in a blur, as you polish off your last few Rex Lapis memorial art pieces. Every few minutes, you can’t help but glance up at the clock expectantly, waiting for Ajax to return. Does a harbinger even have a schedule? Will he be back when eight hours are over? Ten? Before it’s time to eat dinner? 

As you watch the sun sink beneath the horizon, you wonder if Ajax will return at all. 

The clock on the wall ticks closer and closer toward midnight. You clench your shaking fist tightly, fearing that Ajax is slipping through your fingers once again. 

There’s a soft rapping on the door. 

You’re met with tones of ashen fabric when you swing it open, and relief crashes over you like a wave off the shores of the Sea of Clouds. It’s as if your body acts on it’s own, as you wrap your arms around Ajax’s torso in an embrace.

“You’re so happy because of the takeout right?” Ajax asks with a chuckle. You become vaguely aware of the paper bag in his hand. Honestly, it’s one of the best things you’ve smelled in a while. 

Ajax places a gentle hand on the top of your head, “I promised that I’d come back, didn’t I?”

He came back. And it’s enough. 

You don’t muffle your sobs this time, instead you fall apart in the doorway of your room at the inn, clinging onto Ajax as if he’s your lifeline. 

Time flows on indefinitely. Ajax continues to return, every day. You maintain enough composure to not greet him with tears and snot every day, though you can’t say that the urge isn’t there. After the third or fourth night, you begin sharing the bed.

“I’ve got the couch tonight,” Ajax stifles a yawn. 

You roll your eyes, “And listen to you complain about your old man back tomorrow? No way.”

“You’re the one hunched over an easel all day long.”
“Then we’ll share,” you sigh, throwing an extra pillow on the bed.

On the seventh night, you wake up to a paper slipped under the door.

Valued customer, 

We would like to remind you that your time at Wangshu Inn will soon be coming to an end, as your expected checkout time will be at 10:00 tomorrow. We thank you for your patronage.

“Archons,” you groan, reading the paper in your hand. You’ve been so absorbed in everything recently that you haven’t even had the chance to look for a new place to live. The little haven you’ve created with Ajax in this room will soon come to an end, just when it feels like you’re finally getting to know him again. 

“What’s wrong?” Ajax comes to rest a chin on your shoulder to read the memo. 

“I haven’t even started looking for new apartments yet,” you admit, crushing the paper into a ball with your fist. 

“No problem, just come and live with me,” Ajax shrugs, as if he’s just made the most casual offer in the world. His lack of either shame or awareness, will never fail to surprise you. 

It’s easy, moving into Ajax’s apartment. Easier than anything has been with Ajax since you were six years old and making snow angels in your backyard. He’s cleaned out his office and furnished it as a spare bedroom for you. 

“Ah, how much is your rent, by the way?” you ask him as he helps unpack boxes of your belongings. You’re sure that you’ve got enough to cover your half of it. 

Ajax shrugs, “It’s all covered by work, you don’t need to worry about it.”
“Oh,” you pause, “Is it okay for me to live here then?” 

Ajax snorts, “I’m sure that her Majesty has more to worry about than my living situations.”

Right, Ajax’s boss is literally God. You should probably summon up an offering of sorts for her later, as a thanks for extending this generosity. 

“I should, er- pay you back in some way,” you hope that you don’t come across as too flustered. 

Until you get a glimpse of Ajax, who has turned red at the cheeks and tips of his ears, you realise you don’t have anything to worry about. 

“Could you- could you draw my siblings for me?” he asks. “I have pictures, but you’ve probably seen them more than I have. It would be invaluable.”

You agree in an instant, deciding not to tease him about his blush either. After that Ajax leaves for work, and later that day he returns. The cycle continues, and you never grow tired of the small adrenaline rush when he opens the front door at the end of every day.

It really was just a small adrenaline rush, incomparable to the amounts of the hormone pumping through your body right now. The panic, the dread, the adrenaline that you’re feeling because twenty-four hours have passed, and Ajax has not come home.

Chapter Text

You’re not being rational. You know that you’re not being rational. Even so, you can’t help but sink further and further into a feeling of despair, as each minute passes where Ajax doesn’t return. 

You can’t control your feet or legs, as they march towards Northland Bank. The world around you is spinning, the dizziness, the airy feeling in your chest, it’s all consuming. He’s fine, you know that he’s fine, probably just caught up in paperwork or debt collection. He’s probably on his way home right now, swinging a bag of cooking ingredients that he was supposed to buy. 

So, you tell yourself that it can’t hurt to check. It can’t hurt to take a peek into the bank, check around if he’s already left for the day. Speaking of, what are you even supposed to say? Just walk in there and ask the front desk to disclose the highly classified location of your good friend Ajax- no, your good friend Lord Harbinger Tartaglia?

No, it doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you can confirm that Ajax isn’t off dead or missing in action somewhere. 

You’re taking the steps towards the bank two at a time, bearing a desperation to see Ajax now. You push aside any hesitation as you enter the bank, set on marching towards the front reception and demanding his whereabouts. You’re barely taken two steps before you spot him, standing beside that front desk, and your wave of anxiety finally breaks and crashes against the shore. He’s talking to someone, blonde, with some kind of floating animal beside her. Ajax’s eyes flit over to you momentarily, and a smile tugs his lips upwards a little bit. It takes a lot of self restraint, but you give them space for a few minutes to let their conversation wrap up. 

Eventually, the two take their leave and Ajax is left alone again. 

“Worried about me?” Ajax takes a step back to lean his weight on the wall behind him. You can’t help but notice the way that his chest is heaving.

“Should I be?”

“Let’s just go home, please?” he asks with glassy eyes.

You agree. The walk home is quiet, silence broken only when Ajax notices you sneaking glances at him out of the corner of your eye. 

“I’m okay, you don’t need to stare,” Ajax says.

“You’re walking with a limp,” you point out. 

“It’s fine,” he insists. 

It’s not fine, because nothing is ever fine when it comes to Ajax. It takes twice the amount of time to get home because Ajax vehemently refused any help with walking. It’s discouraging, when you thought you had gotten so much closer to him again. 

Just as you thought your long night was coming to an end, it takes a decline. You weren’t in the mood to fight with Ajax tonight, ready to hide out in your room and ignore him until this all blew over. Archons, you wouldn’t even have the ingredients to cook something for breakfast tomorrow. Ajax always finds ways to frustrate you endlessly. You’re ready to ignore him, you’re almost looking forward to it actually, until the door to his apartment closes softly behind you both and Ajax crumbles to the ground, letting out a groan of pain.

“Shit,” he hisses, balling a tight fist into his shirt. His eyes squeeze shut, tilting his head back to rest on the door behind him. The panic comes crashing in again. A gut-wrenching kind of nostalgia consumes you as you bend down to inspect him, as you watch Ajax wither in pain while you stand there, helpless.

“I need you to lay down ‘Jax,” you say, voice trembling. “What happened?”

“Think I broke a rib, and my head hurts, and my leg-” Ajax is gasping for air between each word. “Didn’t wanna push you away, there’s always enemies- people watching outside, we wouldn’t be safe if I looked injured.”

Your jaw clenches. Are these the things Ajax has to deal with every day? A bit of guilt prods at the back of your mind, you were mad at him when he was only trying to protect you. No, it’s not the time to think about this now. 

“We need to get you to a doctor,” you tell him once you have the rest of his jacket unbuttoned. Beyond the array of scars that you’ve never seen before, one of his ribs seems to be prodding out the side of his chest at a gruesome angle. 

Ajax inhales sharply as he sits up to get a look, leaning his weight onto his forearms behind him. “Don’t need one- we’ll just push it back in.”

Your breath catches in your throat. Ajax grabs your hand so quickly that you almost don’t notice the way that he extinguishes the flicker of pyro that surges up. You really need to learn how to control that vision soon. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got a hefty supply of curatives in the kitchen just for this. I won’t be able to feel a thing. Grab them for me?” Ajax asks. His hand on yours anchors you back to the present.
You’re quick on your feet- sprinting to the kitchen in seconds and all but diving towards the cabinet filled with potions and herbs. 

It happens the moment you turn your back to Ajax; the deafening pop of his rib being forced back into place. Even worse is the scream, coated in a type of agony that you’ve never heard from Ajax before. If you hadn’t turned back around to see him- hands pressed to his ribcage and eyes squeezed shut in pain, you wouldn’t even have recognized it as Ajax’s voice.

“What the hell!” you shout, rushing back to Ajax and peeling his hands away from himself, urging him to lay back down again. 

“Sorry, didn’t want you to have to see that,” Ajax explains, expression softening. 

Your voice is thick when you reply, “You don’t need to always do that- you don’t always need to protect me.” 

How much more pain is Ajax going to put himself through just to protect others? You frown as you help Ajax take a sip of what seemed like the most potent painkiller, a combination of Qingxin and Mist Flower corolla. 

“If you make a promise, you keep it, if you make a mistake, you apologise. That’s what family is all about, isn't it?” Ajax’s voice grows quieter with every word he speaks. 

“Family? Ajax, I need you to stay awake for me,” you urge him. 

“That’s what I told a comrade today. I was talking about that little stowaway Teucer, but I thought of you, too.” 

His words aren’t making much sense to you. Is he delirious from the injuries? Before you have the chance to ask him to explain, his eyes flutter shut again, as he slips into unconsciousness. 

Ajax doesn’t open his eyes until four hours later, after you’ve managed to help his injuries a bit. You’ve wrapped his chest tightly- hopefully stabilising any fractures or other injuries in his abdomen. The large lacerations in his right calf and left thigh are cleaned and bandaged, and you’ve been layering various medicine-soaked cloths to help with his fever- it broke an hour ago. It’s not perfect, but it should last until morning when you can call for a proper doctor. You’ve taken post on the floor beside the couch that you managed to drag him over to; his bedroom was much too far away from where he collapsed in front of the door. 

Ajax doesn’t speak right away once he wakes up; he allows you to cradle the back of his head and guide sips of tea into his mouth. He holds his hand open for a few minutes, relaxing into your touch as you trace gentle shapes into his palm. He smiles at you, swallows once before opening his mouth.

“Thank you,” he says. 

“You can lean on me, Ajax. That’s what family is all about, right?” you reply. 

Ajax extends his arm so that his palm now rests on the side of your face. 

“I should have done this when I was eighteen,” Ajax whispers. 

You look down at Ajax’s lips, and they are waiting like an answer. He pulls your face towards his gently. And you do more than not stop him- you kiss him back. 

Chapter Text

Your hand is at the base of Ajax’s spine. You usually start there, taking a moment to feel the goosebumps that rise on his skin as it absorbs your touch. You trail your fingers across his shoulder blades, pressing into your thumbs, feeling Ajax relax further into your touch. The tension in his shoulders diffuses gradually but eventually. 

Several weeks have passed since Ajax experienced massive injuries. He’s been stuck on desk duty at the bank since, at the discretion of many doctors, which means much shorter hours and much more time to spend together. You can tell that Ajax is anxious to return to the front lines of battles, but you can’t help but take a small selfish pleasure in being able to spend so much time together.

At some point, lazy mornings are taken for granted. It’s all warm embraces and slow kisses and back massages, just like you’re doing right now. Your mornings with Ajax is the dull golden glow of the sun peaking through the curtains and just a dash of milk in some freshly brewed tea. 

Lazy mornings are taken for granted, but each shared moment of happiness is not. 

“I have a spot,” Ajax says, “that I would like to show you.”

You take your hands off his back so that he can roll over and face you. He meets your face with a gentle smile. Involuntarily, a thrilling kind of happiness fills your body every time you see Ajax. You’re elated just to be near him. Pressing your face into the crook of his neck seems like the only suitable option here, you feel like exploding with joy. 

“I would like to see this spot,” your voice is muffled with your lips pressed to his collarbone.

“It’s a really good spot,” Ajax insists. 

In his defense, it is, in fact, a really good spot. It takes a good hike to get there, but the effort is more than worth it. Only the Tsaritsa herself may know how Ajax managed to find this cosy spot on the side of Mt. Tianheng, but you’re too astonished by the view before you to worry about it. 

“It’s lovely, Ajax,” you squeeze his hand momentarily. 

When you smile at the view before you, the lights of Liyue Harbour smile back. They’re brilliant against the night’s dusk. You’re up high enough that you’ve got a view of the entire harbour, from Yujing Terrance below you, to Third-Round knockout a distance away. 

Ajax wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder from behind. “Alright, tell me your best Liyue fact.” 

“I’ve learned a lot during my time here. Do you want to learn about the local plants?” you ask. 

“Tell me why you love it,” Ajax replies. 

You turn in Ajax’s arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. There’s a thousand lights reflected in his eyes. 

“It’s the heart of Teyvat. I love the riches in history, riches in trade, riches in personality.”

When Ajax chuckles, his eyes crinkle at the corners. 

“I love Liyue because it brought me back to you,” you smile wider with every word. “I love Liyue because it has allowed me to love you, Ajax.” 

The blush is brilliant on Ajax’s cheeks and the tips of his ears when he replies. 

“I’ve loved you every day as far back as my memories go. I probably loved you before that, too.” 

His words have you fighting a blush from rising to your cheeks. 

Instead, you roll your eyes teasingly, “So it’s a competition now?” 

“It’s not,” Ajax leans in to press a chaste kiss to your lips. “But if it was, I would definitely win,” he says once he pulls back.

“Is that so?”

Ajax nods with a grin, finally opening the bag he’s been lugging around on the hike this whole time.

“If I didn’t love you more, would I have organised this entire romantic mountainside picnic for us?” 

You have to admit, Ajax has done a bang-up job with this date. He’s got wine, candles, and a million of your favourite dishes spread out. It’s a cosy spot with a beautiful view, and you just feel so, so warm. You’re happy.

The only thing he’s forgotten was a pack of matches, to let him light the candle.

“Sorry,” he rubs at the back of his neck, “I don’t think my vision will be much help here.” 

You swallow thickly, “But mine will.” 

Ajax looks hesitant, he’s aware of your aversion towards using your vision. He’s offered to help you learn how to control it before, but you’ve never felt ready. There’s so much pain associated with your vision, you fear that it will blindside you and cause you to lose control again. 

“You don’t have to,” Ajax says.

“I want to,” you reply, because you do. 

You trust Ajax, to guide you and quell your flames if it gets out of control. 

“You’ll show me how, right?” you ask him. 

He nods, placing the candle in your grip then wrapping his hands around yours. 

Ajax speaks softly, “Think of a thread. Do you remember how your mother used to embroider flowers and leaves into our school uniforms? She would wrap the thread around the needle to make petals.”
You nod, “I remember.”

“Okay, now imagine that your vision is that thread. Let the energy wrap around your arms and through your fingers. Feel it wrap up the candle all the way to the top, where it can finally disperse at the wick.”
You close your eyes and try to envision it. You feel a warmth course through you, spiraling around your arms and wrists, up your fingers and into the candle, until- a large flame bursts from the top. 

Ajax is quick to quell the flame with his hydro, but you can’t help but deflate a little bit at the failed attempt. 

“Hey, it’s okay- that was amazing for a first attempt, really.” 

You hadn’t even realised that you were frowning until Ajax gently runs his finger between your eyebrows, smoothing your expression. 

“Just take a breath. Try thinking of a flicker instead of a flame. And remember that it’s a thread, not a rope. It’s thin and fragile,” Ajax advises. 

You close your eyes again. This time the warmth is much more delicate this time, you feel like you have better control. It courses through your arms and hands, it moves slower than last time. You imagine your mother’s slender hands, wrapping the thread around the needle ever-so carefully. When you open your eyes, there’s a flicker at the top of the candle. A flicker that morphs into a perfect flame. 

“Amazing,” Ajax exhales, staring at the now-lit candle. 

The tightness in your chest is indescribable. You did it. You controlled your vision. There’s suddenly tears running down your face, so you thrust the candle into Ajax’s hands so as to not accidentally put the flame out. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Ajax is all smiles as he reaches forward to wipe your eyes.

It was only possible because of Ajax. Your heart is pounding against your chest. You fall into Ajax’s hold and as you shake with sobs. 

But after all, you’re okay. You’re okay.

Chapter Text

Ajax has placed a pair of snow boots in your arms. Holding the weight of them is familiar and foreign at the same time. After all, it’s been well over a year since you’ve last felt the crunch of snow under your feet. 

“How did you find a pair of these in Liyue?” you ask Ajax. 

Ajax shrugs.

“I had them imported.” 

Ajax doesn’t expand any further, so you opt to simply press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you Ajax, they’re very nice.”

There’s a beat of silence before Ajax speaks again, “I need to ask you about something.” 

“Sure,” you nod. 

“I’m being relocated to Mondstadt. My coworker left our relations in pieces, so I’m being tasked with cleaning up the mess,” he sighs. 

“How long is the assignment?” you ask him. 

“Two months, give or take.” 

You’re silent after this. If Ajax wants you to go with him, it’s up to him to ask. You’ll miss him, but you’re independent enough to survive on your own for a few months if it comes down to it. You’ve placed the snow boots on the floor without another word and turned back to drafting sketches for your next piece. 

A few minutes pass before Ajax speaks again.

“Would you like to come with me?” 

You look up from your drawing with a grin, you couldn’t help but find his shyness endearing. 

“Of course I’ll come with you. Why were you so hesitant to ask?” 

There’s relief written all over Ajax’s face, “I didn’t want to pull you away from Liyue. I know that it’s your home now.” 

“Oh, Ajax,” you say, leaning towards him to wrap both arms around his shoulders, “You are my home now. It doesn’t matter where we go.” 

The two of you are set to leave the next week, and you ought to start tying up any loose ends in Liyue. You’re busy, collecting on invoices from customers who have yet to pay, and finishing any last commissions for art that you have. It was liberating, to say the least, as you received money for your very last Rex Lapis memorial piece. It seemed that Liyue Harbour was healing, as it moves into a new time. 

It’s on your walk back to your apartment that day, when you pass a presence so strong that it makes you pause for a moment. You hear his voice and it’s familiar, you’ve definitely heard it before. 

You freeze as you’re stricken with epiphany. It’s Zhongli. It’s Rex Lapis himself. 

Images of Ajax so vulnerable, so broken, during that night at Wangshu inn flash in your mind. You’re angry. If this was a novel, or a theatre production, you might have marched over to Rex Lapis and hit him. Cursed the god in front of his followers for harming someone so dear to you. 

But it’s not. Ajax needs the closure of a conversation with this man, he needs an apology. 

“Mister Zhongli?” you say instead, turning towards him with a smile. 

He raises his eyebrows and wow, you may have not minded painting Rex Lapis so many times if he had looked like this in all of them. 

“My name’s Y/n, I think that you know- er- Childe?” 

The awkwardness of using his alias makes you want to blush a little. 

Zhongli smiles, “That’s right, he speaks very highly of you.” 

“Could you spare a few minutes to come over and have some tea? I think that Childe would love to have a conversation with you.”

“Of course, if he’s ready then I would love to,” Zhongli replies. 

“If he’s ready?”
“I’ve been trying to give Childe some space, we haven’t spoken since-” he pauses, “Well, my past actions have been regrettable.”

Maybe they’ll even be able to make amends before you set off for Mondstadt. You refuse to process the fact that you’re leading Rex Lapis (Morax) (Geo Archon) (God of Commerce) (The Warrior God) back to your apartment, but you’re pleased to see that Ajax is already home when you arrive. 

“I’ve brought a guest,” you call out once you open the door, to give Ajax a fair warning. 

Ajax expression falls a little bit when he turns towards you and sees who it is, his face is almost pleading. You won’t let him waver your heart, this is for his own good. 

“Why don’t you settle somewhere with Mister Zhongli? I’ll put on some tea,” you tell him. 

Once the tea is brewed and the two men (one man and one god?) are positioned tensely at the dining room table, you leave them alone in the apartment to have some privacy. You should probably find Beidou and say goodbye to her, anyway. 

“How did it go?” you ask later that night, Ajax’s arms wrapped around you as you lay in bed. 

By the time that you returned to the apartment, Zhongli was gone, but the air felt lighter. The pot of tea was empty, which you took to be a good sign. 

“It went well, thank you for getting him to come over.” 

There’s a swell of pride in your chest. You’re glad that you both could leave Liyue without regrets. 

“By the way, why the snow boots? Mondstadt isn’t much colder than Liyue is.” 

“I thought it’d be fun to take a boat from the Harbour to the edge of Dragonspine. We can spend a few days adventuring through the mountain before we make it to the city,” Ajax replies. 

It’s easy to forget since Ajax is so adaptable, but he didn’t choose to be moved to Liyue. Sure, he’s always wanted to be an adventurer who travels far and wide, but it’s not the same as being forcibly stationed so far from your home. He must miss Morepesok, and Dragonspine would give him a taste of home.

“That sounds perfect,” you tell him earnestly. 

It did sound perfect, until you realised what a treacherous hike it would be to get through Dragonspine. The winding paths never seemed to end, and while it was easy to stay warm with your pyro vision, it didn’t do too much to protect you from the harsh winds. At least you were able to travel light, as Ajax’s subordinates already took any unessential luggage to the Grand Goth Hotel, where you were supposed to be staying while in Mondstadt. 

However, you had no intention to express your displeasures. Since you’ve set foot in snow again, Ajax has been glowing. You can tell that he’s thriving in this scenery that is so similar to that of Schneznyah. 

“Do you know what day it is?” you ask Ajax on your third night on the mountain. 

“What day is it?” 

“It’s July nineteenth.” 

“So I’ll be twenty-one in a few hours?” Ajax asks. 

“That’s right,” you reply. 

Ajax mumbles something about being back in a minute, then quickly disappears from your campsite.  He returns less than ten minutes later, and ushers you to throw on a coat and scarf. Once you’re adequately bundled up, Ajax takes your glove hand in his and leads you towards a lake. It’s not quite frozen over as the ones in Morepesok are, but you can guess what’s coming next. 

There’s a spot with two stools, a fishing rod and a vial of fire-water beside the shore. 

“Up for some ice-fishing? Or, just fishing really,” Ajax is all grins. 

“How’d you get this all set up so quickly?” you ask him. 

You both settle into the spot, watching as Ajax threads bait onto the hook of the fishing rod. 

“I have very resourceful subordinates,” he shrugs. 

You laugh at the idea of a usually intimidating Fatuus fetching these supplies for their boss. 

It’s the sweetest kind of familiarity, basking in the moonlight as you wait for the clock to strike midnight on Ajax’s birthday again. 

“Happy birthday, Ajax. I love you.” 

Chapter Text

As much as you enjoyed your time in Dragonspine, flopping onto a bed in Mondstadt a few days later is one of the best feelings you’ve ever experienced. 

“This is heaven,” you sigh into the plush mattress. 

“Hey,” Ajax scoffs. “Camping wasn’t so bad.”

“My neck says otherwise. No matter what kind of sleeping bags we used, the hard cold ground is still the hard, cold ground.”

Ajax leans over you and frowns, “Those sleeping bags were a gift from her Majesty the Tsaritsa.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. You spend a moment scrambling for words, but nothing seems appropriate to properly apologize. You even consider getting to your knees and grovelling, when you finally register the smug look on Ajax’s face.

“You- You’re the worst! It’s not funny!”

You pick up the nearest pillow and haul it straight towards Ajax. He catches it with stupid ease. He places the pillow back on the bed, leaning over you in the process. 

“If I’m the worst, then you love the worst. What does that say about you?” he smiles.

He dips down, obviously aiming to catch your lips in a kiss. You dodge it by turning your head to the side and pouting. 

“I’m leaving you for Goth.”

Ajax feigns offence. 

“That old man? What does he have that I don’t?” he asks.

You hum, taking a moment to think. 

“He does own this hotel, after all. He’s probably got some good money behind his name.”

Ajax sits up, and pressed a hand to his chest, “You think he has money? I could buy the entire Grand Goth Hotel with the mora in my wallet right now.”

Ajax’s jealousy settles satisfyingly in your chest. You’ve probably done enough damage for now. You sit up on the bed too, leaning forward to press a quick peck to his lips. 

“On second thought, I’m sure that I can find a way to settle with what I have.” 

Ajax quirks an eyebrow, “What you have?”

“That’s right,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re mine.”

While Ajax is sent out on a string of diplomatic tasks, you end up spending a good amount of time lazing about the Grand Goth Hotel. It’s a gorgeous place, and you’ve been granted access to just about anything that you need, as the entire place has been rented out by the Fatui. Once you’ve recovered from your somewhat traumatic time roughing it in the mountains, you begin venturing out around the city, and the more popular spots in the mountains. 

It’s a gorgeous place, and inspiration strikes you almost every day. Though you aren’t planning on building a large roster of clients in a place that you won’t be staying in for long, it might be nice to add some new pieces to your personal collection. 

As much as you enjoy the free reign over your art, and the change of scenery, you can’t say that you’re a complete fan of everything in Mondstadt. The hours that Ajax has been working are ridiculous. 

You’re not quite sure what happened in Mondstadt to leave the Fatui relations in such an atrocious state, but it’s leaving Ajax looking more haggard by the day. He leaves long before you wake up, and he’s barely back at the hotel in time to have a conversation before you both knock out from exhaustion. 

Around three weeks since you’ve begun staying in Mondstadt. You’re laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when you feel the mattress dip down beside you. 

“Still awake?” Ajax whispers, lifting a hand to brush some hair off of your forehead. 

You turn onto your side to face him, “Not yet. I missed you today.”

“I miss you every day,” he replies, knocking your foreheads together gently.

You lean forward a bit more, slotting your lips together. You tangle a hand in his hair, as he cups your jaw. 

Sometimes, being with Ajax like this, feels like a dream. Throughout your life, Ajax has always been an anchor, until he wasn’t. It wounded you deeply to have him leave, and it’s something that took a long time to scar over. 

Now, as he holds you, you can’t help but hold him with an endless desperation too. 

“Is your entire assignment going to be this busy?” you ask. “They’re working you to the bone.”

“I really hope not,” he sighs. “I feel horrible for dragging you along like this, and just leaving you alone all day.”

“Hey,” you lean back and cup his cheeks. “I’m fine. It’s you that I’m worried about. When was the last time you ate?”

Ajax frowns a bit, like he’s trying to remember a distant memory, then finally shrugs. You throw off the blankets of the bed, and stand up quickly. You rummage through the drawers, looking for outfits for the both of you to change into. 

“What are you doing?” Ajax asks. 

“You don’t want to go out in your pyjamas, do you?”

“Go where?”

“To get some food, obviously,” you explain, frowning as you sort through another stack of clothes. “Hey, did you even bring any clothes that weren’t for sleeping or your uniform?”

You grin as you finally find something suitable. 

“Here, put this on.”

Ajax takes the clothes out of your hands with an eyebrow quirked but tugs the shirt over his head anyway. 

“Is anywhere going to be open at this hour?” he asks. 

“Sure, it will,” you reply. “This is the city of freedom! They aren’t going to restrict our ability to eat at all hours of the night.”

Ajax chuckles, dark circles under his eyes crinkling as he grins. He’s obviously tired, but having a change of scenery might be better for him than getting an extra hour of sleep. You lead Ajax into the city by the hand, fingers locked together tightly. 

The two of you end up at a restaurant called the Good Hunter, a cozy little place on the main street. The food is delicious, and the company is even better. Honestly, you could spend the rest of your life gazing into Ajax’s eyes, shrouded by warm lighting.

“So, just what kind of crisis happened here that has you so busy?” you ask.

Ajax looks up from his dish and grimaces. You already know what he’s going to say. 

“It’s pretty confidential.”

You nod in understanding. You know that Ajax is only concerned about your safety. 

“I know. I’m just worried. Will it be resolved soon?”
Ajax rubs the back of his neck for a few seconds before replying, “Let’s just say that my coworkers didn’t have as friendly interactions with Mondstadt’s archon as I did with Liyue’s.”

You reply, “I’m sorry, it must be hard.”

“It could be worse,” Ajax shrugs. “Are you done eating? We should head back before I fall asleep in my food.” 

You agree quickly, and head back to the Grand Goth Hotel. It was a nice change of pace, and an opportunity for you and Ajax to explore the city together. By the time you make it back to the hotel, you’re both so tired that you feel like dead weight on your feet. 

“Thank you,” Ajax says, arm wrapped around your waist as you lay in bed together. “I really enjoyed tonight.” 

“I did too,” you reply earnestly. 

Your eyes are finally fluttering shut to sleep, when there’s a knock on your hotel room door. 

“What the hell,” Ajax grumbles, standing up and pulling a shirt on before he cracks open the door. 

“Lord Harbinger,” a voice says once it’s open. “I’m terribly sorry for disturbing you at this hour…”

Ajax’s voice is hushed as he speaks with whoever is behind the door. You can catch only snippets, a mention of “The Balladeer” here and something about a “gnosis”, too. It’s a brief conversation, but an extremely colorful string of curses leaves his mouth as soon as the door is shut. 

“What?” you sit up. “Ajax, what happened?”

Ajax sits on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. You place a hand on his shoulder. Ever so slightly, Ajax leans into the touch.

“It looks like my colleague has decided to run off with something important. I’ve been given a new assignment.”

You swallow thickly. “What is it?”

“I’m being sent to Inazuma tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

It would be a massive understatement to say that Ajax was upset by this sudden turn of events. The sun now hung high in the sky, yet neither of you have had a chance to sleep a wink. 

After the announcement of Ajax’s sudden relocation, it’s been a whirlwind of packing, last minute apologies, and sudden nautical arrangements. 

The first issue that had to be tackled was the hardest. 

Ajax rested his forehead on your shoulder in resignation as he spoke, “I want to bring you with me, but I can’t. The Sakoku Decree won’t permit any non-Fatui to enter Inazuma.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reply, but there’s a lump in your throat. It always feels like the world is trying to tear you apart, placing oceans and mountains between the both of you.

“I’ll get you a boat to anywhere in Teyvat that you need. Do you want to go back to Liyue? I can have Mister Zhongli meet you at the docks and help with accommodations.”

You bite your lip for a moment, mulling over the options in your mind, and eventually shake your head. There’s only one place you’d like to wait for Ajax to return.

“It’s time for me to go back. To Morepesok.”

A stoic look comes over Ajax’s face as he processes your words, but you see the understanding in his eyes. He’s occupied with hushed conversations and long sighs for the rest of the night, and though Ajax insists that you try and sleep a few hours, you’re far too wired to get any rest. 

Now that the morning has broken dawn, all that’s left to be done is another painful goodbye. Two Fatui agents stand at your sides as you wait on the boarding ramp of the large boat that’s going to take you back to Morepesok. Ajax arrives a few minutes before the boat is set to leave, dismissing the agents with a harsh glare. It’s not often that you get the chance to see exactly how Ajax handles his subordinates, but it’s no doubt that he acts quite a bit differently when acting as a Harbinger. 

Honestly, it only makes his treatment towards you feel all the more sweet. 

“I’m sorry,” Ajax apologises for the thousandth time in the last twelve hours.

“It’s okay, ‘Jax, please don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault.” 

Ajax reaches into his pocket and pulls out a woollen hat. He shoves it into your hands.

“It’s cold back home. Dragonspine was similar, but there are some brutal snow storms out in Morepesok.”
“I have been there before, Ajax. I remember.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave you like this.”

Ajax is about to reach his hands up and run a nervous hand down his face, but you grab at the sleeve of his jacket to stop him.

“I don’t want to leave you either. But I’ll be okay. Before you know it, you’ll be back to me, and we can have a snowball fight with your siblings, and cuddle in front of a fireplace. I’ll even light it myself,” you assure him. You smile but it’s a little bit wobbly. 

Ajax sighs and drops some of the tension from his shoulders, “I’ll come back soon, I promise. Even if I have to move mountains. Even if I have to abolish the Sakoku Decree with my own two hands.”
You snort out a laugh, but there are already silent tears streaming down your face. You really tried to keep it together, but this hurt so much. You’ve been forced to say goodbye far too many times already. 

“Please, don’t cry,” Ajax pleads, wiping your tears away gently. 

“How can I not?”
Ajax quickly scans your surroundings, then leans down, searing your lips in a burning kiss. It manages to stop your shallow sobs immediately. 

“Go and settle in on the boat. You’re going to be leaving soon,” Ajax prompts. 

You agree, and press one last kiss to Ajax’s cheek before you walk the rest of the way up the boarding ramp. There’s the feeling of motion under your feet soon after, and you realise that the journey home is finally beginning. You run to the edge of the boat, and gaze upon Mondstadt one last time as the ship pulls away.

Of course, Ajax is standing at the edge of the docs, watching your departure. 

“Childe! Master Childe!” you exclaim. It probably wasn’t the smartest of ideas to be screaming his real name to the entire city of Monstadt

Ajax perks up at the alias. Was he blushing?
“Write to me!” you yell. 

“I will!” Ajax yells back. “I promise, I will!” 

The boat pulls away further. Soon, he’s nothing but a dot in the distance. This time, you have no doubt that his promise will be honoured. 

Dearest, 

It’s been several days since I’ve arrived in Inazuma. There are many strong enemies, but not as strong as my love for you. I’m just kidding. It’s a bit cheesy, right?

Even if it’s embarrassing to write things like this, when I sit down and pick up a pen, somehow it’s the only thing that comes to my mind. I miss you. Horribly. 

Are you settled in living with your parents again? I can’t help but feel jealous of you. I hope to return home soon. 

Yours, 

Ajax

The letter is hand-delivered by a fatuus to your front door. It’s written in with the finest of stationary, and closed with a neat gold seal. You’re just thankful that your parents weren’t the ones who answered the door. 

Honestly, you and Ajax are keeping your relationship somewhat of a secret at the moment. Your parents tended to worry far too much, so you hadn’t revealed much about the past months events in any letters that you sent home. 

When you suddenly showed up at their doorstep a few days ago, you blinked back tears and revealed that you’ve broken off your engagement to Maksim. They hadn’t pressed much further after that. 

You discussed it with Ajax previously, and you both agreed to wait until you could gather both your families together to make this big announcement. It only added to the anticipation of Ajax’s big return home. 

Falling back into your quiet life in the seaside town of Morepesok was easier than you could ever imagine. You spent time with your parents, worked on your art, and slowly continued practising with your vision. Every few weeks, you would receive letters and lavish Inazuman goods delivered to your home. You always made sure to chastise Ajax in your own letters when he sent something too expensive, or too difficult to hide from your parents, but you couldn’t deny that it made your heart flutter when you saw the price tags on some of these items. 

A lot of your time is spent with Ajax’s siblings, who have grown up a lot in the last few years. They all worshipped their older brother who spoiled them with toys and presents. Especially little Teucer, who repeatedly told you the story about the time he snuck off to Liyue and got to play with lots of Mr Cyclops. 

Your life is enjoyable, but you can’t help but lament over the missing piece in your heart. You can’t appreciate this quiet happiness without Ajax around to share it. 

You decided to throw yourself into your work instead. Every day, you would take off to different parts of the forest, or scenes near the sea to develop your art. You were thinking about opening a stall at the local market a few days a week to build a clientele. Today was spent in a small clearing on the outskirts of the forest. The setting sun glowed a warm orange through the trees, and reflected beautiful on the small winding river that ran across the ground. 

You sketched, and began painting in the every colour of this scenery, until the sun sank below the horizon. You packed up quickly after that, and began your trek home. 

Your parents were cuddled together in front of the fireplace when you stepped into the house. 

“Out painting again?” your father asked. 

“That’s right. I think that this one is going to turn out really well.”

“That’s wonderful,” your mother replied. “I’ve left you a plate of food in the kitchen.”

“I’ve been up since early, so I’m going to try and rest now,” you say. 

“Sure, goodnight.”

You drag your feet up the stairs, and set your painting supplies down carefully in the corner of your room. You roll your neck a few times to try and release some of the tension, before flopping down on your bed. 

You can’t help but stare a little bit wistfully at the empty pillow beside your head. You would give anything at all to see Ajax soon. Though his words and gifts are already more than you deserve, you want more than anything to hold him in your arms. 

Tap, tap, tap. 

As if the Tsaristsa herself heard your prayers, the sound of gentle knocking on your window. 

“Oh my god,” you gasp, feeling the vision hung on your shoulder immediately flare up. 

You’ve never moved faster in your life as you tore your way over to the window, almost throwing it off the hinges as it’s yanked open. 

“Ajax,” you breathe. 

You’re met with the widest of grins from your lover. It almost feels like a dream. 

“I missed you—“ Ajax starts, but you’re pulling him in by the collar and connecting your lips before he has the chance to finish the sentence. 

You kiss him fervently, tangling your hands in his overgrown hair as you pull him closer, closer. You feel Ajax smile against your mouth, only momentarily, before he presses back against your lips, matching your vigour. 

It’s a mess of teeth and tongue and you’re tripping over each other’s feet, your own feet, and landing heavy on your bed. Never once pulling away, except to take short, deep breaths before continuing to chase the taste of his lips. 

You’re both so caught up in it that no one manages to hear the curt sound of stomping as someone makes their way up stairs. Your bedroom door slams open, and your father’s face twists into an expression of horror, then complete shock as his eyes land on you. 

“Ajax?” he asks. 

You and Ajax immediately scramble away from each other, sitting up straight on the edge of your bed.

“Father,” you begin, but you’re not quite sure how to explain this situation. 

“Father,” Ajax parrots, grinning widely. 

Chapter Text

You end up seated rigidly beside Ajax on your bed. It’s slightly reminiscent of your school days, getting scolded by your parents like children who have been caught with a hand down the cookie jar. Ajax still hasn’t wiped the grin off his face, and you couldn’t help but smirk a bit too. 

In front of you, your parents pace nervously, still trying to wrap their heads around the entire story that the two of you told them. 

Your mother inhales and pinches the bridge of her nose, “So Maksim--”

“He’s still in Liyue. I think. I haven’t seen him for months,” you quickly reply, noting how Ajax’s expression darkens at the mention of your ex's name. 

It’s your father’s turn for speculation now, “And the two of you reconnected in Liyue, and have been together for a while now?”

“You got it, dad,” Ajax smiles a bit wider as the words leave his mouth. 

“Don’t test your luck, boy.” 

Ajax leans back a bit on the bed, attempting to snake his arm around your waist. You brush him off before his fingers can make contact with your skin. Seriously, he couldn’t tone back the affection when your parents were right there?

“Okay,” your mother finally sighs, “Okay, I get it. But why didn’t you tell us?”

You shrugged, leaning back slightly into Ajax’s hand that settled at the base of your spine, “We were going to tell both you and Jax's family at the same time. Isn’t that right?”
You nudge Ajax with your elbow, and he nods stiffly, “That’s exactly it.”

Your parents spend another good half hour badgering you with questions, but eventually decide that they need some time to process it all. After Ajax promises not to stay over too late, the two of you are finally left alone once again. 

“Hi,” you say. “I don’t think that we got a chance to greet each other.” 

“How have you been?” Ajax asks, finally wrapping his full arm around your waist and pulling you close. He uses his other hand to guide your head to lay on his shoulder, and rests his chin on the crown of your head once you’ve found a comfortable position. 

“Bored. Lonely. Missing you.” 

“Ah, it’s been the same for me.”

“Yeah right,” you snort. “You’ve been out in the world living all of these amazing adventures, and I’ve been stuck in this little village painting.”

“Hey, you’re going to put this little village on the map someday with that art of yours! Don’t speak lightly of it.” 

You smile at Ajax’s encouragement, then suddenly gasp as revelation strikes you.

“What’s wrong?” Ajax asks, eyebrows shot halfway up his forehead.

You bite down on your bottom lip to conceal the wide grin that’s pulling at your cheeks, but you’re pretty sure that Ajax can see the smile in your eyes already. 

“I finished it!” you exclaim, prying yourself out of his hold and crossing your room to sift through your completed paintings. It takes a moment, but you find it: the finished portrait that Ajax requested months ago. You’ve been working on it slowly, and carefully the entire time. It was the most important commission that you’ve ever completed, after all. 

“What did you-” Ajax begins, but his words come to a full stop as you hold the canvas in front of you. You watch as his gaze traces each shape, as his eyes glass over with tears, and his teeth sink into his trembling bottom lip. 

The painting itself took a little bit of creativity, and a lot of good reference poses. In the middle, sat Ajax, surrounded by his siblings. His older siblings standing behind him, each resting a hand on his shoulder, Tonia and Anton each grabbing onto one of his arms and grinning widely, and Teucer, who wasn’t quite so little now, wrapping his arms around Ajax’s neck in a hug, head thrown back mid-laugh. 

“It’s gorgeous,” Ajax says. He takes a step forward and gently takes the canvas from your arms, holding it close to his face to admire it further. He smiles, then, and it’s one of the most gentle expressions you’ve ever seen on Ajax’s face. 

He stares at the painting, one last time, then places it behind him on the floor. You frown, a little bit confused as he doesn’t speak again, but reaches inside his coat, and spends a moment fishing around in his pocket. 

Then, he closes his eyes. Inhales, exhales. 

Ajax meets your eyes again, and gets down onto one knee.

“Ajax,” you start, but you couldn’t bring yourself to form a full sentence. Ajax rips off his glove, and holds up a thin, silver ring.

“I wasn’t planning to do this now. I spent my entire trip in Inazuma planning out a speech, and this party, and our families were going to be there, but I don’t think that I can wait another minute. I spent so many years lost without you, and it wasn’t until I had you back again that I finally felt like a person without any missing pieces. You taught me how to live as a child, and how to love as a man. I couldn’t imagine-”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes!” you exclaim, and it’s the last word you can get out before your mouth is otherwise occupied by Ajax’s lips, pressed firmly against yours. He kisses you, deeply, almost desperately, before he pulls back to look at your face once more. Ajax slips the ring onto your finger, and of course it fits perfectly. He laces your fingers together, giving your hand a little squeeze. 

“I don’t want to leave your side ever again,” you say. 

“Now, you won’t.” 

It’s a massive shock to both of your parents when you reveal the engagement the next day. There’s tears, and a lot of hugging, and a lot of questions. A lot. 

You and Ajax spend the next two weeks lounging around Morepesok, revelling in your childhood nostalgia as you make trips to the market, go for walks, and play with Ajax’s younger siblings. You’ve learned, especially over the last few weeks, to really treasure these tiny slivers of domesticity in your life with Ajax. They’re fleeting, but somehow that makes them all the more sweet. 

Of course, it can’t last forever. Ajax soon receives notice that he’s headed to Sumeru next. This time when he brings it up, it’s not a question, but a promise. The two of you are prepared to face the next adventure together.

When it’s time for you to leave, both of your families gather outside to give you a proper sendoff. It was hard to believe that years ago, you were a part of the group that had to say goodbye to Ajax. 

“You have to promise to write more letters this time. I don’t want another surprise fiance,” your mother chides softly, adjusting the scarf wrapped around your neck once again. She always got a bit fussy when she was anxious. 

“I promise,” you say, taking one last look at your parent’s faces. There have wrinkles and streaks of grey in their hair that weren’t present when you left for Liyue. They’ve aged. You wrap your arms around them both in a tight hug, “I’m going to miss the both of you.”

“Ready?” Ajax asks, once you’ve released your parents from your embrace. You turn to his family, his parents and younger siblings and wave. 

Then, you take his hand in yours. You turn towards the open road, and take a step forward.

“Safe travels!” Ajax’s mother calls out. 

“We’ll miss you!” your father says.

The words fade quieter as the two of you get further and further away from that seaside village you had always been able to call home. Soon, your neighbouring houses are nothing but tiny specs on the horizon. 

Hand in hand, you and Ajax move forward to start a new adventure. Together.