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Izuku Mirdoriya had patterns, or at least what was thought to be patterns by those around him. But they weren’t, they were demands with impending consequences, one moment away from a complete breakdown if only he could complete the task at hand one more time should his brain finally stop screaming at him. But he was resilient, completing each one just one more time until his hands shook with frustration, but never cracking, never breaking, never shattered.
He counted his steps as he walked from his dorm down to the common room, only to walk back and check his balcony door again. Was it locked? Had he locked it? He could have forgotten, but that was stupid he just checked it 5 minutes ago and he had most certainly locked it. He doesn’t need to check it again, it’s illogical, it makes no sense. But what if he hadn’t. What if he really hadn’t and that results in a break in. Villains pouring into the school through his room, his classmates burned and beaten, blood everywhere, Mr Aizawa his elbow falling apart, Asui disintegrating- it would be all his fault all his fucking fault. It itches.
He felt his stomach churn with nausea as he turned to walk back beginning his count again, it had to be the same, it had to be-
“Midoriya” a voice called from behind him, Todoroki his mind supplied. He turned to the boy, his hands shaking slightly. “Are you alright?” He had the same blank look his face always carried, but his ever silent worry shone in his eyes.
“Todoroki! Ah- uh yes, I’m fine.” He could hear his own voice waver. What number had he been at?
Shoto looked unconvinced to say the least, his eyebrow rising slightly. “Weren’t you just headed down to the common room? Where are you headed now?” He asked patiently.
“Ah well yes- I- I was! I just forgot something in my room.” The shorter said nervously, scratching the back of his neck. That didn’t feel right.
“Alright, well I’ll see you at breakfast.” He doesn’t answer as the boy walks away, his shoulders drooping at the loss of tension.
Taking a deep breath he scratches the back of his neck again, before continuing his walk back up to his room. Four.
–
Aizawa Shouta may sleep a lot, but he didn’t miss a lot. He noticed the trouble Kaminari had with learning, he saw the insecurities Jirou had about her voice, he noticed the way Uraraka would shy away from mentioning her apartment. He prided himself on it, and he tried to help and offer support the best he could, whether that be directly or through school mandated therapy sessions for his class.
But some thing were harder to notice, despite how loudly they screamed. To him Izuku Midoriya, class 1-a’s resident problem child was an open book, he wore his heart on his sleeve, never angry but always seemed to cry. He smiled easily, was open with his friends and always paid attention in class.
But some days, Izuku Midoriya was an enigma. There was something slightly off about him, and it bothered Aizawa relentlessly that he couldn’t for the life of him figure it out. And when that kid walked into the homeroom that day, his instincts yelled even louder.
The kid looked fine generally speaking, but almost too put together for Midoriya standards. His uniform was perfectly in place, his hair the same as it always had been, his backpack neatly packed, almost as if it hadn’t been unpacked and repacked multiple times that very morning. Hell, even his necktie had been done correctly, if that wasn’t a surprise Shouta didn’t know what was.
But he looked exhausted, dark circles sat heavily under his eyes, and a look that Shouta had seen countless times from young children who were carrying a load too heavy to handle. And it worried him, god fuck it worried him. He wondered how many times Izuku had carried this air about him without him noticing, and as class went on it only became more glaringly obvious how ignorant he had been.
He watched as the kid erase and rewrite his name on the top of his paper six times, he had counted. He watched as Midoriya readjusted his water bottle relentlessly, at one point looking as if he was about to cry, his hands shaking slightly. He watched as the kid muttered to himself in a distressed manner, just quiet enough to not draw the attention of his classmates.
Just how many times had this happened right in front of him without him noticing. Clearly too many and it made Aizawa feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. Something was incredibly wrong and he, who prided himself in how observant he was, had missed. Like a fucking imbecile.
–
As class came to a close he caught Midoriya’s eye before the kid left, signalling to him that he wished to talk. He watched as the others left the room, leaving only him and his student.
“Yes sensei?” Midoriya met his eyes unwillingly, pulling at his fingers in an attempt to calm himself.
“You’re not in trouble, stop picking at your fingers kid. I just wanted to talk to you.” He said in an attempt to appease the kids' nerves, it seemed to work slightly. “I noticed that you have seemed quite off in class, I don’t know how long this has been going on for, but I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”
He watched as Midoriya’s eyes widened slightly, he opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, allowing his teacher to continue talking.
“I don’t know what's going on, and I won’t force you to talk to me about it, but I wanted you to know that I’m here if you need anything. And I mean anything. Alright?” He stared at the kid in question, his expression serious.
Izuku’s eyes watered slightly. “Thank- thank you sensei, I’ll keep that in mind,”
“Good” He replied. “And kid, here’s my number, just in case you need it. You don’t have to use it, but seriously whatever’s going on, you don’t have to go through it alone.” He hid a smile in his capture scarf mirroring the one that appeared on his problem child’s face as he took the slip of paper. “Now get to your next class, you don’t want to be late.”
“Yes Sensei, thank you again!” Midoriya called out, his mood seemed to have slightly brightened.
–
All in all, it was safe to say that Izuku was shocked. Never in his life had a teacher expressed concern over his well being. Never in his life had a teacher apologised to him in general. Never had a teacher went the extra mile of putting a connection between him and them just in case he needed help.
And it warmed his heart.
But he doesn’t have a problem, he really doesn’t, and Aizawa was worried for nothing. He had it all under control, he always had.
–
Aizawa sighed as he slumped down onto the couch in the teacher’s lounge next to Hizashi. His stress radiating off of him so much that even the usually loud teacher quieted down to accommodate his friend.
“What’s the matter Shou?” Hizashi asks, taking his eyes away from the english assignment he was marking.
“Problem child. Somethings wrong and I- fuck Zashi how did I not see it sooner?” He buried his face in his hands in frustration.
“Woah woah hold on, what’s wrong with the little listener?” The blond asks, worry seeping into his voice.
“That’s it I just- I don’t know exactly. He looks so tired so fucking tired. He was so distressed during class today, he has these strange behavioural patterns that I’ve never seen before, and they only seem to be causing him even more grief. He looked like he was going to burst into tears over the position his water bottle was in on his desk.”
Hizashi places a hand on Shouta’s shoulder gently. “Did you talk to him at all?”
“Yeah I did. I told him I wouldn’t force him to talk to me, but if he needed anything I’m here, I gave him my number as well, just in case.” Aizawa answers quietly, running a hand through his hair.
“You did good Shou- nah don’t give me that look let me finish.” Hizashi gave him a pointed look when Aizawa opened his mouth to cut him off. “Shush, I mean it. Sometimes that’s all you can do. It’s clear to me that the listener has some sort of aversion to teachers, I’m sure you see it too. Or maybe it’s adults in general. Regardless, you gave him the opportunity to reach out on his own time. You did what you could for now, let him come to you when he’s ready ya dig?” the blond finishes off, giving the other time to think.
“Alright, yeah you’re right. I’ll wait, I just hope he comes to me at some point.” Aizawa mutters, earning a small smile from the blond.
“I’m sure he will, just be patient Shou”
–
And he was, Aizawa waited for weeks, watching as his problem child struggled even more as time passed. He started to think that maybe whatever this was had always been a problem, it just hadn’t always been this obvious. Maybe Midoriya was just good at hiding it, or maybe whatever it was was just getting worse. But it worried Shouta.
He watched with bated breath as the kid left his classroom, the same as he had the past few days. He wished he would come to him, so he could help. God it hurt to see the kid that way, his classmates had noticed it too, going to Izuku with their worries only to be brushed off by the green haired boy. They gave their teacher worried looks, he shared the sentiment, but knowing pressure would only close the boy off more, he waited.
It paid off no more than exactly 3 weeks since he gave Izuku his phone number. It pinged at exactly 2:00 am, a message popping up on his screen. He sighed as he looked away from the assignments he had been looking through, only for his stomach to twist in worry and slight relief. Because finally, finally Midoriya had reached out to him.
Grabbing his capture scarf he hurried out of his room, and down to the common room. The momentary relief he felt vanished, replaced with heavy concern as he watched his kid pace the room methodically, soft sobs breaking through the silence.
“Midoriya?” He called out gently, taking slightly exaggerated footsteps to make his presence known. The kid looked at him, frustration clear on his face.
“Sensei- please” Izuku sobbed out quietly, he paused his walking to grab at his hair, locks of green curls clutched tight in his hands.
“Midoriya what happened?” Aizawa furrowed his brows in concern, approaching the child, standing close enough but far enough away to give the kid space.
“Help me- please make it stop I- I can’t take it anymore please make it go away.” Midoriya crouched down, tucking his head in on himself, tugging at his hair violently.
“Woah woah, hey-” his teacher crouched down in front of him taking a deep breath. “I’m going to touch you alright? You’re safe, it's Aizawa.” Carefully he lifted his hands to Midoriya’s clasping gently around them, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on the backs of his hands, coaxing them away from his hair.
Izuku looked up to him, another sob ripping from his throat, gut wrenching cries echoing throughout the room.
“Talk to me, what do you want me to make stop, what’s going on?” Aizawa asked patiently. As the kids' cries only grew more uncontrollable he himself grew more confused.
“It- it won’t stop. I did it already, I checked so many times, I- I counted ev- everything, I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m so tired but if I don’t, you’ll die and it’ll be all my fault. It won’t stop itching. I can’t- I can’t lose you I can’t I can’t-” He broke down into more sobs as his teacher pulled him into a hug, comforting arms wrapping around him, guiding him to sit down on the sofa. Midoriya pushed himself further into his teacher’s chest, gasping for air as he wept.
“Take a deep breath with me, alright?” Shouta instructed, pulling away slightly, taking Izuku’s hand and placing in on his chest, exaggerating his breathing. “Follow mine, breath in, one, two, three, four, five, six. Breath out, one, two, three, four. And again, just like that”
He continued till Midoriya was more coherent, his sobs becoming fewer and farther between, sniffles accompening his now slowing breaths,
“Good, now why do you think I’m going to die?” Aizawa asks, removing Izuku’s hand from his chest, but still holding it gently in his own.
“I don’t know how to explain it- but- but if I don’t do certain things, if I don’t check if I locked the door again, if I don’t count how many steps I take, if I don’t write my name the right way something will happen. Someone will get hurt. And it- it’s all I think about. I can't sleep, I can't focus, it hurts, it hurts so bad, why- why can’t I be normal.” Izuku dissolves into another fitful round of sobs, his face falling into his teacher's chest. “I was doing fine, I was. I- I tried to go back to my room but if I don’t check the door again, you’ll- you’ll die and I’ve checked it fourty two times, I- I need to check it again, but even if I do it won’t stop.”
Aizawa took in his words, the signs all lining up, the patterns, what he thought were patterns, the painstaking measures that his kid went to to appease his mind. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it seemed likely, something he hadn’t had much experience with, but he couldn’t be sure.
“Midoriya- Izuku look at me” Viridian eyes met onyx shining with unshed tears and sheltering hope. “I don’t understand what you’re going through, but what I can say is that I’m not going anywhere alright? I won’t die, I promise you, I won’t. die.”
“But you will- you will! If I don’t, you- you will. I have to I have to, IhavetoIhavetoIhaveto-”
“Izuku come here. Just stay here, okay?” He pulled the kid into his arms once again.
“No- No! I have to, you d- don’t understand. You’ll die- it’s all my fault I don’t want you to die” The boy sobbed into his chest heavily, his hands gripping the back of Shouta’s shirt.
“Do you trust me?” Aizawa asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. Izuku went silent for a moment before nodding a small noise of acknowledgement escaping his mouth.
“Then stay here, you’re safe. I know you can’t believe that nothings going to happen, and that’s okay, it’s not your fault. But just trust me okay?”
“B-But Sensei-” Midoriya squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for Aizawa to dissipate, waiting for his world to come crashing down around him, waiting for the man he saw as his father to disintegrate in his arms.
Aizawa shushed him gently, running one of his hands through the green curls, the other rubbing circles on his back. “It may not be okay right now, but it will be eventually. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
“I- I trust you” The boy in his arms choked out, his voice hardly there from his cries.
Shouta stayed there for- he didn't even know how long, rocking the boy in his arms gently talking softly to him about anything and everything, words of reassurance mixed in with ones of his days at UA.
After a few moments of silence, Midoriya pried himself away from his teacher’s chest looking up at him with disbelief and anguish in his eyes. He mumbled out a few words quietly, his eyes watering once again.
“Can you repeat that?” Shouta asked, bringing a hand up to Izuku’s cheek to wipe away the tracks of tears that had fallen down his flushed face.
“You’re still here…” It was so quiet, barely audible. There was hope in that voice, the tiniest bit but it was present no matter how small.
“I am. I promised, didn't I?” Aizawa asked, ruffling the boy’s hair gently.
“Y- You did” Izuku managed to say before looking down, tears spilled over once again. “You’re here, you- you’re alive. But- it’s still it won’t go away”
“I know, I’m sorry I can’t make it go away. I wish more than anything in the world that I could. But here’s what I can tell you. Look at me Izuku.” The teacher’s gruff voice echoed softly in the common room, Midoriya realised then that he didn’t know exactly how late it was.
As his kid’s eyes met his, he took a deep breath “You don’t have to go through this alone. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice the pain you were in. But I’m here now and I will continue to be. You don’t have to believe me, but trust me when I say that no matter what the consequences are that your brain makes up, me leaving- me dying. That will not come true. I promise you that.”
“Okay Sensei” Izuku tipped forward again till his head hit Shouta’s chest. “But- what do I do- what do i do now?”
“You accept help kid. You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You’re allowed to struggle, you don’t have to be strong all the time. Part of being a hero is accepting when you need help. So please, let me help you.” Aizawa wrapped his arms around his kid once more, holding him close.
“Okay” was all Izuku let out, his breathing finally back to a normal pace, his eyes no longer damp with tears, leaving behind a dull ache from crying.
“Do you want me to help you up to your room? Or would you rather stay in my dorm for the night?” Shouta asked patiently, waiting for the kid to think it over.
“Your’s.. I don’t want to be alone” Izuku mumbled out quietly earning a quiet okay from his teacher.
Aizawa gathered his kid into his arms, his one hand settling under his knees, the other supporting his back and head before walking to the elevator, Midoriya curling into him, his eyes closed peacefully.
“I’m sorry to ask kid, but does your mom know?” the older asks quietly as they exit the elevator, not wanting to disrupt anyone who was asleep in their rooms.
“Kind of” was the answer he got, confusing him all the more.
“Elaborate kid” Aizawa fished his key card out of his pocket, balancing Midoriya in one arm. The kid was a lot lighter than he should be. Successfully pulling the card out he swiped it in the door, opening it promptly.
“She- She thinks im faking it.” Izuku stuttered out, hiding his face in Shouta’s capture scarf. “I tried- I tried talking to her about it, but she got so angry and she-” he stopped himself mumbling the rest quietly.
Aizawa, having already closed the door behind them, carried Izuku into his bedroom, placing the kid down on the bed. He crouched in front of him, a small frown on his face. “I need you to tell me what she did, clearly whatever it was is making you upset.”
“She- well she. It’s not her fault- it’s mine I made the issues, all she’s ever done is have to deal with me burdening her-” Izuku pulled his knees to his chest, picking at his fingers anxiously.
“Slow down, it's okay. I didn’t ask who’s fault it was, but I do know that it certainly wasn’t yours. Please, tell me what she did.” Shouta let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair.
“She hit me- it wasn’t.. the first time..” Midoriya trailed off, the last part quieter as he tried to make himself impossibly smaller. “She- she said I was trying to cause problems again. She said I was doing it for attention. She- She started yelling at me and said I deserved to be bullied and b-beaten up, that my teacher’s were r-right that I was nothing but- but a geneless-” The kid shut himself up quickly, clearly panicking at the last part.
“There are multiple extremely concerning things about what you just said.” Shouta could feel a headache beginning. “But we will deal with all of that later. For now, I’m obligated to ask. Do you feel safe at home?” He put one hand on Midoriya’s shoulder reassuringly.
Midoriya’s voice was so quiet he could barely make it out. “no”
“Alright, we’ll deal with that in time too alright?” He earned a nod from the green haired boy in front of him. “For now let me get some clothes for you to wear.”
His knees popped as he stood up, clearly a sign of his getting older, which he wasn’t exactly thrilled about. Moving to the dresser he pulled out a t- shirt, hoodie, and a pair of shorts before tossing them over to Midoriya. “You can change in here, then freshen up in the bathroom. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.” He ruffled the boy's hair before leaving the room and walking into the kitchen and pulling out his phone, dialling UAs very own principal. He didn’t miss the plethora of scars that were very shortly put on display as the boy began to pull his shirt over his head. He felt nausea brew in his stomach at the confirmation of his fears. He had a feeling that it was much worse than Midoriya made it out to be in his small slip up. And this only proved that theory.
“Ah Aizawa! How may I help you. Rather late to be calling me no?” The cheery voice of that rat irritated Shouta more than he’d like to admit. Of course Nedzu was awake, did that guy ever truly take a break from whatever the hell he was doing?
“Yeah it’s late but that doesn’t matter. Izuku Midoriya, I’m sure you know what middle school he went to. I know you have it somewhere in your files. I want an investigation, I don’t care what you do. Just find out what the hell happened to my kid in that school.”
“Can do Aizawa, I will take great pleasure in it actually.” The stoat answered.
“Good, now. I want Midoiya out of his mother’s home and out of her custody. He’s not safe there.”
“If Midoriya will testify then I’m sure I can do something about that. If Tsukauchiis involved as well I’m sure there will be no problem. I assume that you are wanting to take Midoriya into your care?” Nedzu asks, a questioning but sly edge to his voice. Damn rat.
“Only if the kid’s okay with it.” Aizawa answered it. Really he wanted nothing more than to adopt the kid once he was out of his mother’s grasp. But he couldn’t due so unless he knew that Izuku wanted that. “Ah and one last thing”
“I’m listening” Nedzu seemed intrigued.
“I have reason to believe that Midoriya is struggling with a mental disorder, but I can’t be sure. I want a registered psychiatrist brought to the school this week. I’m also going to ask him about therapy with Hound Dog.” Aizawa said quickly after hearing Izuku exit the bedroom.
“That can certainly be arranged, I will call Hound Dog in the morning to let him know of the possibility, and I’m sure he’ll email you with when he’s available.” Nedzu replies, a smile in his voice.
“Thank you, I’ll be going now.” Shouta finished before hanging up, and turning to where Izuku was standing in the doorway to the dimly lit kitchen. “I want to talk to you for a minute kiddo.”
Midoriya took a few steps forward nervously, his eyes locked on the floor, his hands playing with the sleeves of Aizawa’s hoodie.
“Nedzu is going to work on getting you out of your mother’s care, you said you don’t feel safe, and I’ll be damned if I let you go back to an abusive household.” Shouta watched as the kid looked up at him, hope mixed with dread painted on his features.
“But- But where would I go? I don’t want to go into foster care..” He looked back down at the ground as he finished, trying to stop the tears from welling in his eyes. He had cried enough tonight hadn’t he?
“Well, I would like to take over custody of you, if that’s alright with you that is.” Shouta asked hopefully and looked up once again, eyes widening in disbelief.
He was taken aback by the sudden force of a teenage boy crashing into his abdomen, arms wrapped snug around him. “Yes- please i want to stay with you.” Izuku managed out, starting to cry once again, though a happier meaning to it this time.
“Alright kid, I would love to have you stay with me too.” Aizawa ruffled his hair with a small smile, this time not hidden in his capture scarf. “Now, off to bed with you. We have much more to talk about in the morning.”
The two walked back to the bedroom, Midoriya climbing in, giving Aizawa pleading eyes that damn it he could not just ignore, imploring him to climb into the other side of the bed, careful to not overstep his kid’s boundaries and give him space.
“Thank you Sensei” Izuku whispered out into the now dark room, his hand clasped in that of Shouta’s, a connection keeping him grounded.
“Call me Aizawa kid, Sensei is for school.”
“Okay”
–
It wasn’t easy, but it did get easier, more manageable even. It never went away, he knew it very well never would, but it dulled with the support and help he received, the medication further contributing. The love and sanctity his soon to be father supplied for him helped even moreso, starting to heal the wounds that time had brought.
And though the thoughts still came, the compulsions sometimes strong as ever, prompting him to complete the required routines,he held onto hope that things truly would be okay.
–
“It may not be easy, in fact I’m sure it won’t be easy. But I’m here, and I always will be. That’s a promise. Now sleep kid, Goodnight” Aizawa whispered, squeezing slightly the smaller hand in his grasp.
“Thank you for everything, Good night dad.”