Work Text:
“Hello!” Cabose said. Caboose was happy to see his friends and he was saying hello to them not answering a phone, no i do not want to do patrol chores wait i didn’t mean to write that down whooops
Caboose was everyone’s favorite person in Blood Valley. It was a place of friendship and happiness.
Cabose story theme song
Doo doo dooooo dood ooo
This is a cool story
That is very real
Except it’s not
But it is real in our heartssssss
And Church and Caboose
Bestest of friends
Will definitely have
A happy end
ing
Chapter 2 Bananarama
This chapter is about Donut because he says he likes bananas a lot. Also he likes sausagey things like frankfurters and that is also his name. Also he likes people wieners but that’s not food even though you put your mouth on it sometimes. (not me tho. i only eat foood weiners. does donut put ketchup on them? do they taste good or something? so weird. noot bad weird just weird. what’s yoour favorite type of weiner church?)
“Surprise!” said Donut. “I ordered lots of bananas for everyone to hold in our hands and put our mouth on.”
Everyone made upset noises. They did not like the way Donut says things. Caboose does not mind that much. It is not that bad if you don’t think too much about it because thinking too much is dizzy.
A purple person runs out of a cave and everyone is surprised.
“Haha! I am evil and I like to hurt people because I refuse to get therapy!” O’Malley cackles. Cackles is a weird word. Cack cackl
“And I am ok with this because I am enabling bad behavior and other science words!” Doc says (he is a doctor).
“We will eat all of the bananas and throw! Every! Peel! On the ground!!!” O’Malley cackl again.
“Caboose! Help us!” Simmons says scaredly.
“I want to eat food!” says Griff yellowly.
“Aargh, ye best be saving us, matey ole chap.” Sarge says. “Yeehaw.”
“Don’t do this, O’Malley.” Cabose says heroicly. “You can be nice and we can all eat bananas together.”
“I am only nice to Doc!” O’Malley says, needing therapy. “I have trauma from my siblings or boyfriends i forget which but he is a computer so it’s probably the second one.
Caboose pretends to not be upset because he does not want to make things akward.
O’Malley pretends not to nootice him because he’s a jerk.
“I am glad that he is nice to me.” Doc says happily.
“Shut up,” O’Malley says O’Malleyly.
O’Malley shoots a big gun at Caboose. It is very rude.
It does not hurt Caboose because Caboose is surrounded by… friendship magic!
It is a ghost shield made by Church because he is a ghost and has friend magic.
“You can’t hurt my best friend! I’m protecting him!” Church says angrily (but it’s a good angry because it’s at O’Malley).
“He is a stupid stupid moron fool and I did mean things to him because he is dumb and stupid,” O’Malley says because he is very redundant.
“Only I get to yell at him and it’s okay when I do it because it’s an inside joke and I was probably not mean to him when I went into his head,” Church says with his cool Earth accent that’s way cooler than everyone else’s. “Also I forgot to swear for some reason, fuck shit ass fuckstainwad bitch.”
“Thank you Church!" Caboose says. "I would love to give you a hug and a kiss because you make me very happy.”
“Ok, but just because I love you back.” Church says grumpily. “As best friend valentines forever.”
Caboose hugs his best friend for ever and ever even when he’s very far away and he misses him a lot.
“Hey, that’s my boyfriend,” Tex says. It is not good to kiss other people’s boyfriends without permission. Especially when they can see you.
“Tex, can I give Church a thank you kiss?” Caboose asks permission so Tex doesn’t beat him up.
“Yes, I don’t like him very much.” Tex says Texly. Tex also gives Church a kiss, on his other cheek.
“I am angry!” O’Malley says, still there.
“And I will say things too that are less important than the O’Malley things.” Doc says talkingly.
“I am going to take all of the bananas from the pink one!” O’Malley says evilly.
“I am light red!” Donut says because he is scared of pink.
“I don’t care!” O’Malley says truely.
“I will beat your ass,” Tex says.
“Cheerios!” Wyoming shouted, running by.
“Oh no!” Tex said. “Wyoming stole cereal again! I need to go catch him to be paid British money (they are called ounces). It’s up to you, Caboose!”
“What are you going to do? Hug me?” O’Malley said, meanly but also that was a good guess.
Doc says he likes hugs or something. No one cares.
“No, O’Malley, you lost your hugging priveleges.” Caboose said coolly, it sounds very cool.
O’Malley curses. “Curses! You sound very cool right now. I will win next time!” He runs somewhere.
Everyone cheers. Now no one will trip on banana peels and hit their head a bunch.
“Wow Caboose!” Church says. “I am glad that you are my best friend and my favorite person! Ever!! Tucker is really fucking lame compared to you! You’re not lame at all!”
“I am glad that we did not die.” Griff says to Simmons his best friend/boyfriend.
“Me too.” Simmons says to Griff his best boyfriend.
“I like guns and also wish Griff was shot a bunch,” Sarge said with his Sarge accent. “But not dead because then he couldn’t be shot anymore and shooting Griff makes me very very happy.”
“Thank you for saving my things that look like penises, Caboose!” Donut said not realizing he was talking about penises.
“You’re welcome!” Caboose said welcomefully.
Everyone had lots of fun and they lived happily ever after.
Or did they?
Dun dun dunnn!
To be continued with a different story next time!
—
I hope you like the story Church! I used lots of crayon colors so it will not be hard to read at all! I tried to ask Simmons and Grif to do a test read of my story but they did not want to because they were busy talking about business things with Jones. (Don’t worry, Jones is not as cool as you and you are still my best frend!)
Sincerely, Cabose.
PS. I love you xoxo and miss you but I am trying not to be sad. Plz visit Rat’s Nest!!
Also PS. If you see Tucker, tell him he can maybe visit too if he wants