Chapter Text
Dr. Raynor looked sternly at the patient who was glaring at her from across the room. She had been pleasantly surprised a few months ago when James “Bucky” Barnes had resumed his visits with her. After the excitement of taking down the Flag Smashers had worn off, he had found that settling back into everyday life was more difficult than he had anticipated. Dark thoughts have a way of rearing their heads during times of relative calm. Dr. Raynor was grateful that he had the self-awareness to realize that he needed help and that he had reached out to her. Unfortunately, formally documenting his ongoing mental health concerns had triggered reinstatement of the therapy requirement as a condition of his pardon. This was infuriating to her- leave it to government bureaucrats to make things more difficult. She did not understand the rationale for punishing someone for doing the right thing. She was proud of how he was coping though. Although he was disgruntled that therapy was once again being forced upon him- therapy that he had willingly initiated- he had generally been cooperative and willing to follow her care plan. They had been making good progress recently. However, today he seemed to have slipped back into the old sullen glares, petulant silence, and one-word answers that were the norm when he initially began seeing her.
“Come on James, that was an easy question,” she said. “I asked how your week has been going.”
“Fine.”
“That’s all? Fine? Care to elaborate a little?”
“No.”
Dr. Raynor took a deep breath and exaggerated the motion of opening her notebook and uncapping her pen. She knew that Bucky hated her taking notes in front of him, but sometimes a little irritation can motivate a patient to talk. However, this time her ploy was unsuccessful. After several moments of pretending to ignore him, she looked over at the man sitting across the room from her. He was still glaring at her, but his gaze lacked the defiance and intensity that she knew he was capable of. Instead, he just looked exhausted. She then noted his pallid complexion and the dark shadows under his eyes. As she watched, she could see his shoulders rise slightly with the effort of each breath.
“James, are you feeling ok?”
“I’m fi—” His answer was cut off by a painful sounding coughing fit that left him gasping for air.
Dr. Raynor eyed him critically, “You are clearly not fine.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It sure doesn’t sound like nothing. Have you seen a doc—"
“Absolutely not!”
The sudden sharpness in his tone was a change from Bucky’s typical quiet demeanor. Dr. Raynor was initially startled. Then a wave of understanding hit her she realized her patient’s history of torture at the hands of HYDRA doctors. Of course, he would have baggage from that.
“James, you need to understand that things are different now. Doctors are here to help you. You must know that on some level too. Afterall, you come to see me every week.”
“Don’t really have a choice about that,” he grumbled.
Dr. Raynor did her best to hide her smirk at Bucky’s retort. She took a deep breath and tried again. “Look, it’s been quite awhile since I studied human physiology in medical school, but I remember enough to be able to know that that it’s not a good thing that I can hear you wheezing from across the room. I can also see that you are using extra muscles to breathe. People who are ‘just fine’ don’t do that.”
Bucky looked away from her and seemed to have become engrossed with picking at a loose thread on the cuff of his jacket.
Dr. Raynor tried unsuccessfully to hide her exasperation as she spoke, “James Barnes, I have put way too much effort into getting you mentally healthy to allow you to slowly drown yourself in your own snot. You need to take care of yourself, and that includes seeking medical attention when you’re sick.”
“Wow, you really know how to make a guy feel special.”
Dr. Raynor rose from her chair, walked over to her desk and selected a small card from the letter holder. “Here,” she said, offering it to Bucky, “this Dr. Williams’ business card. Her office is on the fifth floor of this building. She is an excellent physician and one of my good friends. You should consider making an appointment.”
Bucky silently shoved the card into his pocket.
“It is clear that you are in no shape to accomplish anything this morning,” Dr. Raynor continued, “I want you to go home and get some rest. It also would be a good idea to have a friend check in on you; have you spoken to Sam lately?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Don't know… Just don’t want to bother him, I guess.”
The doctor took a deep breath. “James, I thought we had settled this. You need a good support system. Sam has shown his willingness to be there for you, but it’s up to you to accept it.“
Bucky attempted to glare at her before dissolving into another coughing fit.
“So, let’s call it a day,” the doctor continued, “I have an opening Wednesday morning- I’ll put you on the schedule for then. That will give you the rest of today and tomorrow to get well. Schedule an appointment with Dr. Williams if things aren’t improving.”
James nodded and slowly rose to his feet. “See you in a couple days, Doc.”
“And James?” Dr. Raynor stopped him as he reached the door, “you have my number- you can always call me if you need to.” She watched him make his way out of the office and tried to ignore the nagging feeling of concern in her gut.