Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Act 1
I imagine walking into a house one day
opening the cupboards and seeing many food items stacked on each shelf
later, you get hungry
but when you take a container down it feel suspiciously light
your worst fears are realized as each container opens to nothing
perhaps a scattering of crumbs at the bottom
some cheeto dust lying there
even the fruits in the basket are just fake
you cast the container aside
IN A FLURRY OF RAGE
and SPRINT
into the persons room
WHO YOU KNOW DID IT
AND THROW IT AT THEM
then eat all their snacks
you run outside and land on your knees. you look up at the sky and yell "WHYYYYY!?!?!"
you look down at the oreo container
limp in your arms
and you give it one last kiss
you stroke its beautiful hair
you caress its curves one last time
you tell it "i will always love you..."
then you recycle it

Chapter Text

Act 2
You buy more oreos at the store, and eat them all.
then you leave them in the cupboard and watch as
someone else tries to get them and then you giggle
in the corner and pet your full container of oreos
with a satisfied smile on your face.
But of course you aren't done.
The worst is yet to come.
This is just the beginning and you will get REVENGE.
putin finds an empty container of russian oreos
then he nukes everything
even kim jong un
and cries silently as he watches everything explode.
a single tear slides down his face
while looking at the preserved corpse of a famous russian leader
they preserved his body
and displayed it
he presses two fingers to his lips and points them up at the sky in remembrance of his beloved oreos
he goes to stores, and buys all of the oreos he can
he fills a bunker
and lives down there
with his lovers
and eats beats
because russians do that too
and he takes walks to chernobyl
every now and hen
with his oreo dog
which came into existence
because of the radiation and because he jacked off into the oreos
and he makes a whole oreo village
the capital has an oreo factory
and they all drink vodka together
they dip their oreos in vodka while eating beats
and plan revenge on the next unlucky people.
He has no mercy.

Chapter Text

Act 3
then harry potter comes out of the mist
hes shirtless, his ginormous nipples erect
Dumbledore rides into chernobyl, naked— except for socks, on a hairless griffin, His juicy boobies flapping in the wind.
He has to put on a bra because they keep covering his eyes.
they try to pick up Putin, but miss
They try again, and when the reach him the only thing that
They could reach was his giant left ear hair that was like a rope.
they throw him and his oreo creations into hogwarts
Putin is tried by the jury for doing oreo magic
the dark arts
the forbidden jutsu
in front of muggles
they go to magic jail
there’s an orgy with all the prisoners because they jack off to oreo porn
they are let out of jail because crime rate drops because of putin’s massive mutated peen
as soon as putin steps out of jail, someone catches his eye
They look longingly into each other’s eyes
Putin asks the stranger his name, and where he’s from
The reply comes
“My name is Steve Pasta, I’m from minecraft but I wish I were from the USSRoblox”
*The soviet anthem plays*
“And we are Kanye West! We are so sexy and we love to dance for your pleasure!” exclaim all of the twerking oreo creations that Putin brought into existence
Minecraft Steve’s giant muscles rip through his shirt, his oiled body twinkled in the sunlight, and his giant buttocks clapped as he twerked like the sexy oreos.
Putin and Steve ride into the sunset on a tandem bicycle

Chapter Text

Act 4
Steve says to Putin: “ wanna smash baby girl?” Steve says to putin: *minecraft oof sound*
Putin looks longingly into Steves eyes and caresses his face
“What is your greatest wish?” Putin asks
“To be a father…” replies steve in a whisper, his eyes filling with tears
“Well…” says putin, “ I have something to tell you. I was actually born a woman and never went through with the sex change operation. Steve…. Let's make a baby.”
Putin grabs Steve’s waist and pushes him to the wall.
Then they do it with the oreo babies and Putin is pregnant but because of this oreo obsession the baby is…not human
Nine months later Putin gives birth.
The baby… is mutated kanye west oreo
Steve tearfully looks at putin and stammers
“He… He’s beautiful.”
BUT WAIT—--
THERE'S MORE
Out comes a second baby.
This one is a little more different…
“Mario? Is that you?” asks putin in disbelief
“ITSa ME, MARIO” oreo mario says as he pops out.
Putin, seeing his wonderful children, falls in love with Steve all over again, as he lets out a few tears of joy.
Sans undertale teleports into the room and kidnaps mario
Then Superman appears and snatches steve.
Superman looks into Steve's eyes and knows. This is his son.
“Where have you been my sweet kitten? Daddy has been so worried~.”
Then, Superman looks at Putin and says “Would you give me free head, sir? I could really use some about now.”
Putin starts to gets up and walk over to superman.
“I only give head to my sweet biscuit! He helped me have these wonderful children!”
Putin only then realizes that mario got kidnapped by sans undertale
YOU (the reader) ARE SANS UNDERTALE, so you laugh diabolically
Oh f$%#

Chapter Text

Act 5
Mario wakes up and immediately starts banging his head on anything that resembles a gold box
Then the lucky charms guy comes out and offers some to mario.
“HEART STARS MARSHMALLOWS CLOVERS AND BLUE MOONS HOURGLASSES RAINBOWS AND TASTY RED BALLOONS NOW SUCK MY MASSIVE SCHLONG AND GET ME SOME SHROOMS!”
You, sans undertale, can smell alcohol on his breath
“YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART!” you scream at lucky charms leprechaun
“Where am I beeyotch?” Mario asks, very confused as to what is going on. “Where are my daddiesss?”
You, Sans, grab your trusty can of ketchup energy drink, imbued with magic, and start chugging” which makes your massive boner grow to an unbelievable size.
“ HAH!” you say. “Think before you mess with the gang leader of the Giant PP Gang! I will rail you to shreds. BE SCARED! (and slightly excited wink wink).”
Lucky charms leprechaun walks over to you, swaying his hips
“Me?” he says seductively, running his finger down your chest, “I am oh so thrilled to hear that hunny bear.”
You obviously don't actually want to so you get scared and just smack him with it.
*WOOSH*
He gets slammed against the wall. He lies there… limp and lifeless.
“Oh shnappppp!” yells baby mario oreo. “I think you killed him. Oh well. He was kind of creepy. Total pedo vibes if ya know what i mean…”
You look at Mario oreo (Moreo).
You find the little oreo mario child quite fascinating, and since you aren't able to have children of your own, you decide to adopt him.

Chapter Text

Act 6

Putin wakes up to the sound of arguing.
His baby daddy is yelling at Superman again about how they are gonna go get oreo Mario back from the evil clutches of you, Sans undertale.
Out of nowhere, Freddy Fazbear rushed into the room, and smacked Superman on the ass. “You’ve been a bad boy,” Said Freddy.
He scooped up Superman and put him inside his belly hatch, taking him to live his next life, as Gregory.
You and Freddy work together, and that makes you blush a little, however you remember the task at hand and you shake away the butterflies that were fluttering around inside you.
You stopped for a second, and wondered what it would feel like to have Freddy’s massive rod pierce your insides. You think about his Fazballs™ rubbing against your wet badussy,
You hide in a security office together and check the cameras with what little battery you have left
A blurry animatronic runs for the door so you close it
On the other side of the door you hear:
“OPEN THE DOOR OR IM GOING TO THROW ROCKS THROUGH YOUR WINDOW YOU DUMB WHORE”
You look soulfully into Freddy’s eyes one last time,
“I want you so bad,” Says Freddy before Dr Phil busts down the door
Phil Swift busts through the vents
“THAT’S A LOT OF DAMAGE”
Dr Phil and Phil swift start battling, giving Gregory and Freddy just enough time to escape
There can only be one true Phil.
The ground shakes as the universe hears
“IT’S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-DUEL”
This is all happening while daddy Bezoz tries to gift you Amazon boxes filled with his own cum that you ordered
Dr Phil and Phil Swift play beyblades
Phil Swift casts flex seal
Dr Phil casts ranch
Blood and Jeff Bezoz’ jiz is everywhere
“TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF FLEX SEAL I CUT THIS PLANET IN HALF”
Phil Swift, destroyer of galaxies, beats Dr Phil at beyblades by killing Earth.
Or so he thought.
Superman busts out of Freddy Fazbear’s belly hatch, and spins around the world, and turns back time just like he did in that one Superman movie. So now the earth was fine, because he also made it so that Phil Swift was never born.
Jeff Bezoz crawls out of freddy’s Fazballsack™ And saw what was going on. So “I brought a friend with me”, he said.
“Who is it?” You, Sans Undertale, ask.
“It’s me you muffinheads!”
*You orgasm cutely uwu*
“LEVI ACKERMAN I LOVE YOU BUT I CAN NEVER BE WITH YOU BECAUSE IM IN LOVE WITH FREDDY AND YOU”RE THE MEAN GUY, THE ONE THAT USED TO SHOVE ME INTO LOCKERS AND SHOOT ME IN THE dick, AND I CAN”T FORGIVE YOU. I MEAN ONLY IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO, MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL AND WE CAN HAVE SEX IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR.”

Chapter Text

Act 7

Levi walks over to you, looking up because of how short he is, and pushes you against the wall.
“What did you just say to me lieutenant?” Levi says in a monotone voice like australian siri with a stupid grin on his face, knowing that was the name that made you go weak.
“ I said MMmmmMMMM the flavors are melting on my TONGUE”
You say as you, sans undertale, flick your forked tongue out at Levi.
Levi looks at you, now in disgust, as you have just defiled his clean skin.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Looks like you are gonna have to clean this mess up.”
“Anything you want zzzaaddyyyyyymmm”
You lick the saliva off of Levi, which is very unproductive because that just adds more saliva, but he seemed to take pleasure from it. He then pulls out his member, and strokes it gently.
“HE'S PULLING HIS MUSHROOMS OUT!!!” Says Freddy Fazbear.
“I know Freddy, we’re gonng have sex,” You, Sans Undertale say.
“Can we have a threesome?”
“Of course lieutenant.”
You all proceed to do the dₑᵥᵢₗₛ ₜₐₙgₒ with Freddy and Levi. You, Sans Undertale, are now preggo.
You, Sans Undertale, Levi, and Freddy lay your eggs in the pizzaplex
Levi’s egg hatches first, from the egg you hear an engine revving
Lightning mcqueen comes out of Levi’s egg
Freddy’s egg hatched next, he burst out crying at the joy of motherhood as the Rock hatched from his egg
Your egg held the most valuable child of all, the friends you made along the way,
But Jack Black also came out of your egg.
He smiles as he sees all of you, his daddies.
“Fathers! You made me into existence!” he cries in joy, bawling in baby language.
The sweetest gift of all.

Chapter Text

Act 8
You, Sans Undertale, hold baby Jack Black in your arms.
He gurgles in Baby Language ™ and smiles at you.
You’re so proud of him.
Freddy whimpers in the next room, crying over Lightning McQueen, who has taken his first drive around the room.
Levi laughs for the first time in his life as he sees The Rock lift a boulder in the backyard.
The One Ring to rule them all sits on the kitchen chandelier, which baby Jack Black feels he must have.
He jumps out of your arms (to your bony surprise) and waddles across the floor, arms outstretched for the One Ring to rule them all.
Chuckling, you activate your magic bone powers to levitate him into the air, pudgy fingers scrabbling at the One Ring.
Eventually, he is able to pull it off the chandelier and hold it, eyes sparkling.
Gandalf winks sexily from the other room in his wizard thong, knowing that baby Jack Black will make a fine Dark Lord, but you (Sans Undertale) are disappointed he turned evil and eliminate him quickly with a bone through the neck.
Freddy comes running through the door, Lightning McQueen revving along behind him.
Upon seeing Gandalf's dead body, Lightning looks at him and flashes his headlights in agreement, doing a Fortnite dance.
“Kids these days…” Levi grumbles at the sight.
Levi spots Gandalf's dead body and sighs, having seen many dead bodies before. “I’ll take care of this, sugarplums.” (Referring to you, Sans Undertale, and Freddy of course.)
Levi drags away the body to feed to the Oreo monster Kanye West.
On his way to the meat monster fields, he sees Putin crying in a field and goes over to him.
“What's wrong sexyyyyy?” He asks, trying to cheer the man up.
Putin sobs, his mutated peen throbbing at the mere sight of Levi. “My love… Steve… was kidnapped! A small insect named Barry B. Benson stole him away with the help of a large green ogre! And my child Moreo was stolen by a weird skeleton man called Sans! I’m all alone now :(“
Levi recognizes that hes talking about you, Sans, and rises to your defense. “Hey! Sans is a very sexy and cool skeleton. He is not weird. However, I will help you.” Levi says, throwing Gandalf's body into the Kanye Wests open Oreo mouth.
He is consumed in a matter of seconds and reincarnated as oreo Gandalf.
Levi sticks out his hand, gruff brown eyes looking seriously at Putin.
Putin takes his hand, and they shake on it.
It’s official.
They must work together to rescue Steven and Moreo, even if it costs them their life.

Chapter Text

Act 9
Levi and Putin travel across the meat monster fields, fighting off creepers and swarms of bees.
They swing their matching torches around, stabbing with spears of justice the random creepy men that attack from the sky as well as giant floating eyeballs from kirby.
Banana trees leer from the sidelines as they swing, slice, and burn their enemies. “I’M COMING FOR YOU, STEVE!” Putin yells into the air, tears streaming down his cheeks.
“I’m co-o-oming…” He sobs in defiance, swinging as hard as he can at another old man falling from the sky.
After murdering a bee, Levi turns to him and puts his hand on Putins shoulder.
Putin sniffs. “Don’t worry, lieutenant Putin. We’ll find your husbando and your son, Moreo.” Levi says kindly, having forgotten Steve’s name already.
“L-lieutenant?” Putin asks in confusion, not understanding why this weird anime boy would use such a term on him.
“Yes.” Levi replies. “And I couldn’t ask for a better one.” He smiles again at Putin, who has not experienced this kind of affection in a long time.
Putin and Levi stay there for a moment, standing there in the fields as the meat monsters begin to wake up and the creepers turn into fireworks.
“I wish…” Putin begins, then stops.
There is silence for a moment. Even the meat monsters seem to be holding their breaths.
Levi is out of social energy beyond kill monster right now, so he just awkwardly stands there for a moment before readying his spear.
“Lets go, lieutenant.” He says gruffly, before letting his hand slide off of Putin's shoulder.
Putin nods from behind him, happy tears choking his throat.
He grabs onto the optic nerve of a passing eyeball, pulling himself one handed onto its back.
It’s slimy, but faster than walking.
He waves down to Levi, who stares up at him in awe.
Taking the hint, Levi grabs onto a creeper and vaults onto its back, harnessing the creeper power like he would one of his horses.
They ride, the sunrise behind them bursting in a thousand rosy shades.
The sky is golden as it illuminates the pair one final time.
There it is.
Shreks castle rises up into the sky, covered in a golden substance you could only assume was honey.
The gates are lime green - the perfect inbetween of Shrek and Barry.
The chains on the drawbridge are also covered in honey, which somehow acts as a lubricator and keeps them from getting rusty.
Clouds of bees swarm around the fortress, buzzing around large pits with poisonous gas inside - Shrek's farts.
The moat is also filled with the poison, but the bees must be careful not to fly too close or they’ll die instantly.
A human would last a little longer.
Levi, however, is very accustomed to holding his breath, so he knows he can get through this no problem.
He motions Putin closer, steering his creeper to behind a bush.
Putin follows. “How are we going to get in THERE??? There's so many traps and - and so many b e e s!” He shivers. “Ugh, bees. Gross.”
Levi smiles deviously. “I think I know how to get in.” He says, looking at the castle.

Chapter Text

Act 10
Levi whispers to Putin the plan.
“We’ll sneak around the left side of the castle and break in through a smaller door. Should be pretty easy.” He says, pointing.
Putin nods and they begin to make their way there.
Bees buzz menacingly through the mists of the forest.
As Levi and Putin get closer to the left side of the castle, they can hear a hum that becomes words.
Bzzzzzz…
“Zz Lonely zz
Zz I am so lonely zz
Zz I have nobody zz
Zz To call my own zz
Zz I wish I was dead zz”
Putin frowns upon hearing the song of the bees.
“That’s depressing.” He declares to Levi, who pays the depressed bees no mind as he readies his equipment.
“I don’t give a flying fishrat what these bees are feeling, they boutta bee smacked.” Levi says, pulling out a machine gun the size of a golden retriever labeled MY PP. (Courtesy of the big pp gang of course)
“Those bees can choke on a sandpaper cock for all I care.” Levi says again, and aims the gun at the sad singing bees.
“No, wait!” Putin says, holding his hand in front of the gun. “Let's see if we can talk our way in, instead of fighting! I think it would be a lot easier that way.”
Levi frowns. “I have seen the horrors of war. Sure, but if you die I’m just gonna go back to my sweet sugarcakes waiting for me at home. Not gonna help you, OR your family. Well, I’ll help raise Moreo, but otherwise you’re on your own, sexy Russian president man.”
Putin slowly walks out into the open.
The bees pay him no mind.
They simply buzz around, singing their song.
Finally, one stops Putin.
“Halt… or… something…” The bee halfheartedly said before falling to the ground in tears.
Putin and Levi walk undisturbed into the castle, bees dropping to the ground as they lose the will to live.
Putin opens the door, motioning Levi to enter. “C’mon in.”
Levi sighs and walks in, stepping on a tile that initiates an axe to swing at his head!
Fortunately for him, he is short and ducks quickly, so he is able to evade the attack.
Putin gasps loudly.
The hallway looms ominously ahead, countless more possible traps to come from the walls, ceiling, or floor.
Very spooky.

Chapter Text

Act 11
This is the tale of Kanye West™
He is snuggled in his Kanye Nest™
Having himself a Kanye Rest™
He must be at his Kanye Best™ before he sets off on a Kanye Quest™
He will be put to the Kanye Test™ to retrieve the Kanye Chest™
It will be distinctly marked with the Kanye Crest™
Then he will return to the Kanye Nest™ and have a Kanye Fest™
He will welcome many Kanye Guests™, but first he must remove some Kanye Pests™
Then he will don his Kanye Vest™ dance with Kanye Zest™
He is Kanye Unimpressed™ with everyone else’s moves
They Kanye Request™ a song change
He is Kanye Depressed™ because it’s his mixtape
There is Kanye Unrest™ on the dance floor
Everyone is Kanye Stressed™ so they Kanye Invest™ in NFTs
The Kanye Guests™ Kanye Jest™ about how much money they’ll make
The police bust in because one of the Kanye Guests™ was supposed to be on Kanye (house) Arrest™
They are Kanye Oppressed™
They Kanye Coalesce™ into a Kanye Protest™
The police make a Kanye Guess™ that this isn’t going to end well
There’s a Kanye Contest™ to see who can throw molotov cocktails the farthest
Everyone is Kanye Distressed™
Kanye Confessed™ that he is Kanye Obsessed™ with Kanye Northwest™
Kanye Northwest™ is Kanye Impressed™
They are both Kanye Possessed™
Kanye Northwest™ Kanye Acquiesced™ that he Kanye Transgressed™ against Kanye West™
Their possession was left Kanye Unaddressed™
They agreed to go on Kanye Bedrest™ and Kanye Reinvest™ in Bitcoin
They get Kanye Undressed™
They Kanye Reassess™ the situation
Out of fear of Kanye Southwest™ who will Kanye Molest™ them they Kanye Redress™
Together, they Kanye Ingest™ some leftover food from the Kanye Fest™
Kanye Northwest™ Kanye Caressed™ Kanye West’s™ KanyeBreast™
Kanye West™ Kanye Suppressed™ his anger
Kanye Northwest™ was feeling Kanye Unblessed™
Kanye NorthWest™ Kanye Expressed™ his sorrow, he did not mean to Kanye Suggest™ anything
Their emotions were no longer Kanye Suppressed™ so they Kanye Progressed™
Kanye Southwest™ breaks through the wall like the Kool Aid man
He says they Kanye Messed™ with the wrong person
Kanye Southwest gets Kanye Repossessed™ by the Kanye IRS™

Chapter Text

Act 12
Putin and Levi continue through the castle, avoiding traps by throwing shoes, sticks, leaves, bees, and other items ahead of them.
Axes swish through the air, entire ballrooms descend into deadly pits of spikes, and arrows shoot out of the walls surrounding them on every side.
Buzzing bee guards hang around corners, buzzing loudly enough to easily avoid.
Levi keeps a close eye on Putin, who appears to be having trouble with the traps.
Just then, a cry rings through the air as Putin steps on a panel that sends a large spike through his foot, causing him to collapse to the ground in pain.
“Argh…” Putin whimpers as the blood gurgles out of his foot.
Tears drip out of his eyes, falling to the ground to make holes that go through the layers of stone and traps.
Apparently, they’re made of acid.
Levi stops for a moment, looks at Putin, and then without another word picks him up and continues on his way.
They finally make it out of the trap zone (or so they think), walking through halls filled with mpreg pictures of both Barry and Shrek, as well as some strange tentacle porn here and there.
“Close your eyes if you don’t want them to get burned.” Levi says to Putin, his eyes already watering from the bleach inducing pictures.
Putin, however, seems to be fine.
Levi raises an eyebrow like his son, the Rock, before getting distracted by some playing cards running around Alice in Wonderland style with spears, clubs, and swords.
However, Levi has on his thingy that lets him basically fly around, so he flies over the playing cards with ease.
On the other side, he sees a dark staircase.
Honey is dripping down the stairs, covered in dirt and filth, clogging up the sparkle of the substance entirely.
Wilted flowers in shades of brown and gray hang listlessly about, stems rotting in the stagnant air.
The severed head of a human dude (Vanessa's boyfriend from the bee movie) is placed on a pike, glassy eyes staring into the ceiling as flies gather round to feast on him, a putrid odor emanating from it.
“That must be where Barry and Shrek are!” Whispers Putin. “We should go up there. Maybe Steve is there too!”
Levi pauses for a moment, sensing the suspicious nature of such a statement, and then shrugs it off.
They carefully make their way up the stairs, avoiding the dirty honey and severed head.
The staircase is long, only getting more and more filthy the higher up they go.
Soon, Levi is gagging at the smell.
Putin appears to be fine, as he is used to living in such conditions.
Finally, they reach the top of the staircase, where Steve can be seen… playing cards with Barry and Shrek???
What the hyuck is goin on?
Just as Levi notices this, he smells something incredibly sweet, extremely off putting to the horrid smell beforehand.
He looks down to see Putin spraying some odd substance in a Windex sprayer in his face, immediately feeling woozy.
He falls to the floor, unconscious, as the sneering face of Putin stares down at him.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

Cliffhanger!

What, you weren’t expecting Putin to turn evil? I’ll retcon whatever the hell I want to, this is my story now.
Mwahahahahaha

Chapter Text

Act 13

Levi groans as he begins to wake up
Barry smiles evilly, honey dripping from his shark toothed jaws.
Next to him, Shrek looks like a baby kitten.
Levi finds himself tied to a pole - actually, really badly.
The knot is loose and even as he wakes up with his head turned downwards, he's able to easily wiggle his way out of the restraints.
“There's no one to save you now!” Whispers Putin softly, sipping his gasoline in a teacup.
Levi once again raises his eyebrow like his son, The Rock, as he readies his escape, because the four idiots didn’t take his gear and there's a window literally right there.
He stops when the smell hits him, pungent odors so rotten in their nature that he can’t help but throw up.
Also, his nose is clogged with the Windex bottle smell.
Gross.
Steve, Shrek, Barry, and Putin are all still playing card games.
It appears as though they’ve gone through Pinochle, Scum, Pedro, Poker, why do all these card games start with P?
You have no idea.
Because yes, YOU, SANS UNDERTALE, are there, floating on top of them all on a Gaster Blaster.
You’ve been here, watching over everything this whole time.
You see Levi easily getting out of the restraints they put on him - you weren’t worried about him at all, he’s too cool to die - and readying to jump out the window to make his escape.
T h e r e ‘ s n o w a y y o u r ‘ e l e t t i n g t h e m o f f t h a t e a s i l y
Finally, Levi looks upwards and spots you chillin, so you wink at him to tell him its ok
He nods.
Barry, Putin, Steve, and Shrek all giggle menacingly.
You wonder what their plan was in the first place.
Seems kind of weird that they would kidnap Levi to do - to do what?
Granted, he is a very sexy man, but you continue to watch from the sidelines as Barry opens his tiny mouth to give a monologue.
“FOR YOU SEE!” He shrieks, causing the lightbulb to shatter. “We ALL want revenge on snas underplug. He has hurt us all! So when he and that other creature come to rescue YOU from our clutches, we will GET OUT REVENGE!!!”
He laughs maniacally as Shrek rolls his eyes.
You feel anger as his disrespect concerning your name, but you let it slide.
“Barry, please. Calm down, love.” Shrek purrs, holding Barry close. “For the baby. Also, you’ve been acting really strange. Take those Shark Teeth you stole from Shark Tale out of your mouth. It looks like an evil scientist experiment.”
Barry sighs, looking much less insane than before. “Yes, dear…” He grumbles.
Just then, some odd, spooky music begins to play.
Sounds like children singing a nursery rhyme, but creepier.
“ANYWAYS.” Barry continues. “I actually really like card games, so we’ll just continue to play them until snas arrives.
You laugh to yourself.
All of the villains have their backs to you - and the card table.
You silently obliterate the cards using magic.
Barry turns back to the card table and gasps in shock to see all his cards missing. Putin, Shrek, and Steve turn around at the sound, giving Levi the distraction he needs to cut through the ropes and jump out the window, using his gear to swing safely away into the trees.
Steve turns and sees this, stopping once he sees the empty ropes.
Instead of getting angry and yelling, he simply looks at the space, shoulders slumping.
He wobbles, then turns back and sits at the table as the other three villains argue and bicker about Levis' embarrassingly easy escape.
In a few seconds, you’ve seen a man accept the fact that his only chance at getting his child back is completely and totally gone.
You feel bad for the guy.
With your totally canonical powers, you teleport Moreo to the place, letting him fall out of the air onto Putin's head, knocking him out cold.
Barry screeches in surprise, and Steve quickly grabs Moreo.
He makes minecraft oof noises as he dances around, holding his dear Moreo aloft.
Nice.
You fly on your Gaster blaster out the window after Levi, giving a peace sign to the quad squad of villains doing their villainous thing.
You couldn’t smell anything because you were a skeleton, but from Levi's face it seemed pretty bad.
Hopefully the depression bees will get a raise.
Now that all that has been taken care of, time to return home to dear Freddy, Lightning McQueen, and the Rock.
Levi is safe and sound, chillin majestically on a rock.
He smiles at you. “I knew you were there the whole time, watching over us. Thanks you very sexy sexy skeleton.” Levi says, beckoning you down from the sky.
As you get close to him, he reaches up and gives you a kiss on the forehead.
You blush profusely.
“Never mind all that.” You grumble. “Lets go home, dearest.”