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He had been checking the inventory of his shop, when the conversation first started.
Ford had been sitting nearby, sipping his morning cup of coffee, while boredly looking through some of Stan's papers. Normally Stan would have complained about that, talking in length about privacy or some other crap, but it did keep his brother quiet, so he decided to let it be for now.
After all the fights and arguments that the two have had lately, not to mention that disaster with Ford's magic dice, Stan was more than happy to have at least one peaceful moment between them.
Which was why his twin had to immediately ruin that, of course.
“Stanley.”, Ford had begun, in that typical slightly accusing tone he always had, right before the start of another argument, and the other twin just rolled his eyes. Oh boy, here we go again. What was his brother gonna complain about this time?
“Please explain this to me.”, demanded the scientist and shoved one of Stan's papers right in his face. Annoyed, Stan took a step back, grabbed the paper from him and, after smoothing it out, read through the whole document.
...Oh.
......Oh boy.
He slowly looked up from the paper and over to his brother. For the longest time the two just kept staring at each other, Stan all awkward and nervous and Ford all accusing, until the former finally found his voice again.
"Okay... I know this looks kind of bad, but there is a perfectly logical explanation for this."
"And that is...?", prompted Ford, his arms half-crossed and his eyebrow raised. Whatever explanation the other had in store for him, he somehow doubted that it would be good enough.
He was about to be proven correct.
"I was very drunk."
"Wh-?! How-... How is that a good explanation?", blurted the scientist out incredulously. Was that seriously going to be Stanley's excuse?
"Well, I never said it was a good explanation. Just a logical one.", commented Stanley pretty matter-of-factly, like this somehow wasn't that big of a deal. Ford just couldn't believe it.
"Stanley, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing about this is logical in the slightest!" He began to slowly rub his temple, as he felt a light headache coming. This was so unbelievable...
Stan, sensing his brother's frustration, just put his arms up in defense and tried to placate him, though clearly failing at that. "Alright, sheesh! Calm down, Sixer. You're making this into a way bigger deal than it is..."
"You legally married me off with some woman!!" Ford was shouting and wildly gesticulating now. "...Or married a woman yourself, while using my name! How is that not a big deal?!"
Okay, yeah, his brother did have a point there. But still Stan tried to defend himself: "Well, technically Goldie is a novelty dispenser..."
Ford just went straight back to massaging his temple. "I don't know if that is better or worse..." He sounded utterly exasperated right now. And honestly, Stan for once couldn't completely blame him for that.
"Yeah, like I said, I was super drunk. I mean, it was a wild party. Me and Goldie, we went to the casino, the jacuzzi... heck, we even rented a limo full of hot, sexy showgirls... I mean, Vegas, am I right?" He chuckled a little to himself, despite the situation, hoping that a bit of humor would lighten up the mood.
And besides, he had to admit to himself that the whole situation was kind of humorous... Well, as long as you weren't the one signed on the marriage certificate and had to deal with the legal consequences, at least.
Ford just groaned loudly.
"Oh, come on now, Sixer, don't be such a downer. The situation is really not that bad. I'm sure we can fix this. You know, get a divorce for you... Or I could, heh, introduce you to Goldie, for example. I'm sure you two would get along splendidly. You both kind of have the same vibe, you know?" Stan was snickering now, trying to imagine his brother and Goldie together.
Said brother gave him a withering stare. "Please don't make fun of me, Stanley."
"Alright, alright... But seriously, don't sweat it. I'm sure we can find a way to fix your whole marriage situation."
"OH MY GOSH, DID SOMEONE SAY MARRIAGE?!"
Yikes!! Both brothers jumped in the air at the same time and Ford even managed to fling his coffee cup away, which shattered loudly at the other side of the room. None of the two had any time to mourn the loss of the coffee cup though, because Mabel was immediately right up in their faces, literal stars in her eyes.
"You are married, Grunkle Ford? Oh my gosh, I didn't even know that! What is she like? Who is it? Can I meet her? OOOH, I so wanna meet her!! Don't worry, I'll make sure to fix your marriage problems, Grunkle Ford, whatever they are, or I won't be called 'Mabel the love expert'!"
Stanford just dumbly stood there, clearly overwhelmed by her rapid speed talking, and Stan, just for shits and giggles, decided to take advantage of that moment: "Yeah, we can all go meet her, alright. I'm sure her and Ford would appreciate your help there, sweetie. Their relationship has been really on the rocks lately."
That at least got Ford out of his stupor. He threw a shocked and angry glance at his brother and was ready to interject, but their great-niece was already running out of the room and up the stairs, shouting from above: "Then there is no time to lose! I'm gonna go get my stuff!"
"Stanley! What the hell?!"
"Oh, come on now, Sixer, show some humor! I'm just joking around."
"At my expense?"
"What the heck is going on here?" That was Dipper's tired voice. The boy slowly entered the room, rubbing his eyes. It was clear that he had just woken up.
It was his sister who answered him, after she came running back from upstairs: "Dipper, go get your stuff! We are gonna save Grunkle Ford's marriage!"
"Wait, his what?!" The boy immediately woke up completely, absolutely astonished, and even glanced over at his great-uncle for confirmation.
"Look, Dipper...", began Ford slowly, clearly flustered. "Your sister got it a bit wrong there. The truth is-"
"-your great-uncle married my novelty dispenser.", finished Stan for him with a slight smirk, putting the finishing touch on his little joke.
Oh, the reactions of the kids sure were a riot! Dipper looked absolutely devastated and you could practically watch in real time as his admiration and believe in his brother's wisdom and greatness slowly crumbled away, as he processed that information. Mabel seemed equally weirded out by this, but she still tried to be her supportive self and offered Ford with a somewhat strained and lopsided smile to fix his 'relationship'.
And Ford... well, if looks could kill, Stan would certainly be dead right where he stood.
He regarded Ford's angry and scandalized face and he knew that his brother would be sure to give him hell over this for at least a week or two.
Eh, worth it.