Chapter Text
Virgil kneels on the carpet next to his bed, both hands fisted in his hair as he gasps for breath, his heart stuttering in his chest and his throat tight. Hot tears splash down his cheeks, blurring his vision. He isn't even sure what set this one off this time. Usually he knows, or at least has an inkling, but this came out of nowhere, a tempest on the breeze that has him panting for breath and sobbing for calm. Black dots speckle his vision, his ears buzzing.
Not enough, however, not to hear the sharp tap on his door.
"Anxiety, I know you're in there," Roman calls through the door, loud and impatient. "Thomas is having a panic attack, what did you do?" His eyes widen in horror and his fingernails scrabble at the carpet as he tries to force himself up to the bed. He- he didn't want to affect Thomas. He never wants to affect Thomas.
"Knock it off, will you?" Roman continues, and Virgil can practically feel the glare through the door. "Seriously, Anxiety, Thomas has enough on his plate right now. He doesn't need to deal with you." And with that, Virgil hears his heavy tread move away.
"Fuck you," Virgil mumbles under his breath, finally starting to calm down. He still feels utterly sick to his stomach though, and his vision stubbornly won't go back to normal. Good enough, he decides, pulling himself onto his bed and burrowing under the covers. He reaches for his headphones, painfully aware of the tear tracks still drying on his face. He'll have to wash it before he shows his face again, or they might comment on his smeared eye shadow and put two and two together.
The others don't know that he has panic attacks. At least, he doesn't think they know. Janus and Remus do. But the light sides? If they do know, then maybe Virgil should- should try going back and begging forgiveness from Deceit, because that-
He has no words for that.
Another measured knock on his door and he stiffens.
"Thank you, Anxiety," Logan says calmly through the door. "Thomas is calming down as we speak. I am glad to hear that Roman had a talk with you, as it seems to have worked to Thomas's satisfaction. I know that you have your job as well, but I ask that you be more thoughtful in the future, please. Thomas has an important engagement tonight, and he is now exhausted."
Virgil flips off the door with both hands, not bothering to say anything, and after a few minutes, he can hear Logan sigh and shuffle away. Good. Bastard. For someone so logical, he sure can't see the truth staring him in the face. As if Virgil has a choice about having panic attacks.
"Kiddo?" Now it's Patton through the door, and Virgil sighs, wondering if he can smother himself with his pillow before Patton speaks. "Roman told me what's going on...I don't get it, Anxiety, I'll be honest. I don't understand how a panic attack helps Thomas....but I'm sure you have your reasons." Patton sighs. "If you want to come down to dinner, I'll save you a plate?"
"No, thank you," Virgil says woodenly, just loud enough for Patton to hear him. He can't bring himself to care when he hears the disappointment in Patton's response.
This panic attack isn't enough on its own to make him duck out-
But he can't deny it's a contributing factor when he finally works up the courage.