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He thinks, at some point, there’s so much trauma that it should cancel out.
His life’s been cursed since he was born. There’s not a single thing that goes right, till he’s so old the damage is more than done. If everything is terrible – if everything is painful and aching and jagged – then can anything be terrible?
He tells himself that it’s fine, that it’s normal. That he deserves it; he’s earned what he’s got. That he’s strong enough to take it, for he’s never known anything else.
He can’t miss something he’s never known. (He does, all the same.)