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“They know about us, Kojiro.”
Joe was still recovering, face smooshed into the pillow. “Huh?”
Cherry slid his legs out of the bed and found a dressing gown. “Reki, Miya, Lang and even Shadow.”
Joe raised a bushy eyebrow. “I think even the neighbors know about us, the way you sounded a minute ago-”
Cherry threw a slipper at him, making the green haired man wince. “You’re so bloody immature.” He tied his dressing gown at his waist, Joe watching him blissfully. “Anyway, Reki popped into the store today in aid of some relationship advice.”
Joe stretched his arms up, the muscles across his torso tightening. “You’re kidding – Langa ‘popped’ into the restaurant talking about Reki.”
Tilting his head, Cherry sat back down on his bed. He made at seem as if he was sitting so, he could hear the story, but he also wanted to be close to Joe. “Well, go on then.”
-
A couple hours earlier
-
“Reki.”
The red-haired boy looked up and saw Langa Hasagawa plopping into the seat in front of him. “What’s up, Langa?”
Blue hair falling around his face, Langa shuffled through his satchel and found the book he needed. “I just finished off a quiz for physics and I didn’t do so great.” He started paging through the book. “Would you mind helping me a bit?” Sitting backwards in the desk, Langa placed the book on Reki Kyan’s desk and started pointing to all the equations.
Through blue strands of hair, blue eyes peeked out. A few grazes lined Langa’s pale hands. Reki still remembered what it felt like to touch Langa’s hand-
“Reki?”
He blinked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t been listening for a couple seconds. “Shit, sorry, what did you say?”
They spent the next while going over the equations, that focused on movement. Reki liked helping Langa, he really liked the smile Langa showed off when he got something right. He could see the confidence building up the more they spoke. Just like the first time they had met.
His blue eyebrows raised when he got the last equation correct. “Is that right?” he asked in his quiet voice.
Reki studied it for a second. “Yeah man, that’s right.”
Langa’s normally emotionless face turned into a wide smile. He closed the book. “Reki, I just want to say thank you.” Langa reached out his hand and placed it on Reki’s. he looked straight at Reki when he squeezed his hand gently.
Reki was quite for a second. He stood up suddenly, ripping his hand away form Langa like a band-aid. “I should be heading home.”
Looking at his empty hand, then at the other by, Langa asked, “Do want to get something to eat while I walk you hom?”
“I’ll eat at home, don’t worry Langa.” Reki snatched up his backpack and turned towards the door.
Langa stared at his hand after Reki had left. He made sure it wasn’t sticky, sweaty or smelt weird. But it was fine. For the past couple weeks, Reki had acted cold suddenly but then he would be back to normal. He really had no idea what was going on.
-
“Do you have an appointment?” The receptionist at the front desk asked Reki as he stepped into the entrance of Sakurayashiki Calligraphy.
Reki shook his head, holding his board at his side. “Um no, but I’m a friend of Cherry’s- I mean Kauro’s.” Reki decided that this was the most expensive reception area he had ever been in. He gazed up at one of the cameras that lined the ceiling.
He nearly jumped when he heard his voice from a speaker in the corner of the ceiling. “Reki Kyan – you may come through.”
The receptionist took him down a wooden floored corridor to a room where Cherry was waiting on a mat. The woman slid the shoji door closed after Reki settled down across form Cherry.
“How did you know I was here?” Reki asked as he watched the pink haired man pour him some tea.
Glasses resting on his nose, Cherry replied. “The cameras here are equipped with facial identification.”
Reki picked up his mug of tea. “Damn, that’s both cool and creepy.”
Cherry rested his hands in his lap. “What brings you to my practice, Reki?”
Reki pretended to be studying the details of the cup so Cherry couldn’t see his face. “Well, I’m not really here for like, calligraphy and stuff.” He had been dreading this, rehearsing what he’s say almost every night. “It’s about Langa.”
“Is he hurt or ill?”
“No-”
“Well get on with it then.”
“I think Langa has a crush on me.”
Cherry rolled his eyes. “I’m surrounded by dense numbskulls.”
That was not the reaction Reki had expected. Then again he wasn’t really sure of what to expect. “Wait, you mean you knew?”
“It is pretty obvious.” Cherry explained. Seeing those two boys, Langa and Reki, hang out and grow around each other really did remind Cherry of his high school days. He knew what it felt like to be looked at the way Langa looked at Reki. “Tell me how you came to this conclusion.”
Reki stared at his reflection in the tea. “I dunno, he’s just been touching me a little bit more and uses every excuse to hang out with me.”
“Do you prefer that those things don’t happen?”
That question kept Reki quiet for a little bit. “I like it . . . I just don’t know how to, ya know, respond.” Every time Reki and Langa brushed skin, Reki blushed every time, no matter what. He recognized Langa’s smell on his bed after they watched movies on Reki’s bed. If Langa left a piece of clothing ta his house, he would keep it for a couple days before he gave to back.
“At first, I thought it was just like a physical thing,” Reki started, Cherry listening. “Like I thought I was just missing out on human touch, like how we all have needs and shit like that. But I think it’s more.”
“Do you return Langa’s feelings, Reki?” Cherry asked.
Reki sighed. “I don’t know, okay? I’ve never had a crush on anyone before so I don’t know what it feels like. I don’t know if I’m just feeling the excitement of a new friend or if it’s genuine feelings.” Reki’s hands were shaking slightly. “I just don’t fuckling know.”
Cherry held his hand over his mouth as he pondered this too. “As long as no harm is done to others, there’s no harm in exploring your sexuality, Reki.”
“I can’t just go up anyone and have sex with them-”
“God, do you really just think of fornication all the time? That’s not what I mean – I mean even just think about the idea of being intimate with someone isn’t a woman, consider if the thought makes you happy.”
Taking in a breath, Reki looked at his hands. “Thanks man, I knew I could come to you with this kinda thing, Cherry.”
As Reki was getting up, Cherry raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean by that?”
Reki shrugged, sliding on his bag. “Ya know . . . you seem to know about relationships . . . ya know, you and Joe-”
“You may leave now, Reki.”
Only up until recently had Reki been questioning his sexuality. Before that he just figured that there weren’t any girls his type around, But a warmth ran through Reki’s chest when he had met Langa. He smiled when Langa achieved success and he had never wanted to teach someone to skate this passionately. On his skate back home, Reki kept looking at the hand Langa had touched, he realised he was a dick for being so rude to his best friend-
Best friend – that’s what he considered Langa. His mind always pondered if they could be more, a small thought at the back of his head. But they’d already come so close to going their separate ways forever, he didn’t want to risk that again. What if they couldn’t work out as more than friends?
-
-
Langa hadn’t had much Italian food, so he figured he would just go with the spaghetti he saw on the menu. When he looked up to order, Kojiro Nanjo was standing at the table.
Joe patted Langa on the back almost too hard, nearly sending Langa’s face into the table. “What’s up, little guy?”
“Hello Joe,” Langa greeted quietly. “I came to ask for advice for Reki.”
Joe put his hands on his hips. Langa was really dense sometimes. He put his hand on Langa’s back. “Let’s discuss this somewhere more private.”
Joe walked Langa into the kitchen, where the washing up station was. He pulled open a large dishwasher as he began listening to the younger boy.
“I’ve realised that I have romantic feelings for Reki.” Langa stated blunted. “I’ve been trying to express this to him but he acts really cold when I do this.”
Joe started sliding plates into the dishwasher. “Well do you know if he even returns the feelings?”
“I’m unsure.”
Joe slid a knife into the cutlery rack. “Have you spoken to him about it?”
“No.” Langa admitted. He started awkwardly helping Joe, wanting to distract himself. “We don’t really talk about that stuff.”
Joe huffed. “That’s why nothing is happening, kid.”
“I’m worried that if I admit my feelings to him, it will ruin what we already have.” Langa at first, had been so nervous to move to Japan. He wasn’t good at making fiends even in Canada. “I don’t even know if Reki is attracted to guys.”
“But what if he does like you back?”
“But what if-”
“Some risks are worth taking, Kid. Especially if the result can be something good.” Joe was pretty confident that it would turn out well for Langa. Langa looked at Reki the way he looked at Cherry. He knew what it was like to have that kind of happiness – being in love and the love returned. He wanted that for Langa as well.
-
“Young boys are oblivious.” Cherry commented.
While exchanging stories, Joe and Cherry got commutable on the bed – Joe with his back against the wall and Cherry sitting in front of him.
“Do you think they’ll take our advice?” Joe asked, as he gently dragged a brush through Cherry’s pink hair.
Struggling to keep his eyes open from the soothing feeling of his hair getting brushed, Cherry scoffed. “Likely not – teenagers are stupid.”
“Reminds me of two people.” Joe started awkwardly dividng Cherry’s hair into three sections. “To be fair, they’ve only really hung out at school and at skate parks. Maybe they need to get out somewhere?”
“Like where? I’m not one to meddle foolishly like some gorillas around here.”
Joe started a poor attempt at plaiting Cherry’s hair. “I have that party coming up in a couple days.”
“That might work – skating crowds can be quiet overwhelming so I think a more relaxed crowd will benefit the two of them.”
Joe smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Cherry reached back and felt what Joe had done with his hair. It wasn’t all that neat. “God, you have no grace to you.”
“I think you look beautiful, Karou.”
-
The Next Day
-
Langa wasn’t sure how Reki would react when they met up to skate to school. But Reki was cheerful as ever, pretending like yesterday didn’t happen.
“You see what Joe sent us?” Reki asked as they neared each other.
The email had popped into Langa’s inbox when he woke up, with Reki, Shadow and Miya CCed to it. It was an invite to a party for Joe to celebrate his birthday, held in the event room of a nearby hotel. The dress up theme was ‘Y2K fashion’. At the bottom, Miya was told that he had to go home at 10 because he was young and Langa and Reki weren’t allowed to drink. But in spite of this, they were still eager to attend.
Skateboard wheels rolling over the paving, side by side, the two made their way to school.
“What are you gonna wear?” Langa asked.
Using his foot to push himself forward, Reki answered. “I’m not sure yet – I was thinking like emo.”
“You mean emotional?”
Reki chuckled. “Not like that. I mean like those tall converse and black hair.”
Langa raised his blue eyebrows. “Do you wanna both go matching?”
Reki nearly tumbled to the floor. He had been pondering Cherry’s advice all night. If he went in matching costumes with Langa and people thought they were a couple, he could say yes or no. But his mind was itching towards the answer yes. He wondered what it would be like for people to see them together.
“Sure, I’d love to.”
As they skated through the school gates, Reki even began thinking if people already thought they were a couple. On one hand, Reki would be so happy to be with someone like Langa, someone so confident, talented and understanding. But on the other hand, a small weed of worry sprouted. The seed to this worry had been there a while but he still didn’t really know how to word it.
-
Day Before the Party
-
“Reki.”
“Langa.”
“We look like criminals.”
The two of them were walking out of a thrift store with their backpacks stuffed with clothes and their skateboards held at their sides.
Reki got anxious and whispered shouted at him. “Okay well don’t say that kinda shit out loud.”
They made their way to Reki’s house, where his sisters, grandmother and mom greeted him. They all really liked Langa, he was really polite so he was welcome at any point. After chucking their backpacks in Reki’s room, they all sat themselves down to get something to eat.
“Langa, Reki talks about you a lot and says you-” Chinoro, one of his younger sisters, started but Reki stopped her.
“Chinro, stop being weird.” He said, nudging her foot under the table.
But his mom laughed and looked at Langa. “Yes, Reki does talk about you quite a bit. He says you were a snow boarder.”
Langa swallowed the tempura he had just put in his mouth. “I snow boarded quite a bit while I was in Canada. I can’t really do it much here though.” Langa was smiling, but Reki could detect a sadness in his voice.
Koyomi looked at Langa. “I’d love to learn how to do it.”
Langa smiled genuinely now. “If you ever find yourself somewhere snowy, I’d love to show you.”
Images flashed in Reki’s mind. Images of traveling with Langa, seeing his blue hair against shining snow. Images of Langa spending time with Reki’s family, like couples did on TV.
Reki wondered what his family would think if Reki and Langa did actually start dating. They loved Langa already, so all that really would change would be the title of their relationship. And well of course, the physical intimacy aspect of their relationship. Reki hadn’t done anything like that with anyone, but he had known for a while that he wanted it to be with someone he knew well. And he knew Langa pretty well. And he felt comfortable around Langa. But like Cherry said, he knew that physical intimacy wasn’t the only thing to think about towards his sexuality and attraction.
The thought of being emotionally vulnerable in general terrified Reki. He always felt pathetic and over dramatic when he cried, that he had no real reason to cry. But if he had to cry around anyone, it would be the blue haired boy across form him. Reki had already let his insecurities about skating show to Langa. And at first Langa didn’t understand, but he redeemed himself and earned Reki’s trust back.
Trust – that was another thing that mattered in a relationship. Langa had broken his trust once before, when he broke his promise of not skating against Adam. But Reki had forgiven him and understood why he did it – passion got out of hand in different ways for people. Reki trusted Langa in small ways as well – advice, help with school, being there to catch him when he fell off his board, running alongside him when someone was chasing them and even trusting Reki to take care of his skateboard whenever it had been damaged.
Thoughts of emotional and physical intimacy folded over and over in Reki’s mind once more when they were in his room after dinner.
Reki sat in his bed, covers over his legs and looking at his phone when Langa caught his attention.
“I figured you had this.” Langa said, picking something off the floor out from under Reki’s bed.
Shit, shit, shit. Reki knew exactly what it was, but he played dumb. “Huh?”
Langa held up a black t-shirt. He had left it here two or so weeks okay. Reki spotted it on the floor after Langa had left but he never gave it back, he told himself he was going to. However as he was folding it up, he couldn’t help but hold it up to his nose. There was a subtle hint of deodorant but also just Langa himself. He couldn’t quite name it, but he just knew it was what Langa smelt like. Sometimes, Reki would sleep with the shirt on the bed next to him. But he would hide it everyday, worried his mom would wash it.
Fuck, he thinks I’m creep. Wall, I kinda am, Reki stressad.
But Langa said nothing, he just yanked off the shirt he was wearing and replaced it with the black shirt. Reki pretended to be absorbed by the screen on his phone. But he secretly looked at Langa. Looked at the nucleus of Lang’s torso, looked at the strong hands that pulled on the shirt, looked at the body he wanted so near to him-
Reki silently gulped and blinked, stopping himself from thinking more like this.
Straight guys don’t think stuff like this, he thought to himself.
Langa walked to Reki’s bed and pointed. “Is it okay if I slept here?” Langa asked this every time he stayed over, and it was always a yes. Reki said yes the first few times because he just viewed Langa as a friend and his bed was a decent size. But now the thought made Reki blush.
But he nodded anyway and Langa got under the blanket. Soon after, Langa reached over and clicked off the lamp on Reki’s bedside table. Neither of them closed their eyes, just stared up at the ceiling.
“Hey Langa.”
“Yes?”
“At dinner . . . you sounded kinda sad when you were talking about snowboarding. . .”
“My dad was the one who taught me how to snow board. He’s dead now.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that, Langa.”
Silence.
Reki turned to look at Langa, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. “I know you can’t really snow board and stuff here, but I don’t want skating to replace snowboarding. I think both are great for you.”
Langa smiled. “You taught me how to skate. I want to teach you to snow board.”
Reki chuckled lowly. “I’d probably be shit at it.”
“That’s not what I care about.” Now they were both looking at each other. “I just want to spend time with you.”
Silence again, but not an awkward silence, silence filled with antioption rather. Was this the emotional intimacy Reki had been thinking of? Langa must really trust Reki to tell him about his father.
“Hey Reki.”
“Langa?”
“Is it okay if I . . ?”
“Yeah.”
Langa propped himself up on one elbow and hovered over Reki. Langa leaned down and Reki closed his eyes. At first, it was a just brush of the lips, both a little nervous. But when Reki, slid his hand up Langa’s arm, they kissed properly, with purpose.
Reki had kissed girls when he was a young boy, but it just silly pecks behind school playgrounds. After that, nothing made him want to kiss anyone. But now that he was kissing Langa, he realised just how badly he wanted this-
“You boys getting to sleep?” Reki’s mother said while knocking on the door.
They slept as far away from each other as they could for the whole night. For the first few hours of the morning, both of them acted like nothing at all happened, even Langa. When Reki stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, he looked at his bare chest. He ran his fingers over his neck, thinking of Langa. Now he knew what Langa’s lips felt like. His mind couldn’t help but wonder what Langa’s lips would feel like kissing other parts of his body.
“Shit,” he breathed out as he ran his hands through his damp red hair.
When he had kissed girls when he was young, he hadn’t felt what he felt when he kissed Langa last night. Even though it had been dark in the room, when they kissed it had been like they were seeing everything about each other – seeing each other’s vulnerabilities and desires. But he was like 6 when he kissed a girl on the school playground, so he had no idea that ‘vulnerability’ was even a word.
Was it just kissing in general that felt good or was it specifically kissing Langa that felt so good? Thoughts and questions flew around Reki’s head, each fighting for a turn to be at the forefront of his mind. But he scolded himself for trying to even think of justification for his feelings. He knew there was nothing at all wrong with two guys kissing, as long as it was consentual. And it had been consentual, they’d both wanted it.
But accepting your own sexuality was sometimes harder than accepting the sexualities of those around you. When other people around him had come out, he always accepted them but thought that some people would always be bigots towards that person, that their family might reject them. Reki never really thought that he himself might have to deal with that.
He gripped the side of the sink, arms shaking. Shitshitshit what if my mom kicks me out? What if Langa’s mom kick him out? What if we’re not allowed at S or something?
It was bad enough that people just viewed Reki as Langa’s groupie, a pathetic nobody with no skill. What would they think if he and Langa started dating? Reki imagined they’d think Langa was dating him out of pity because Reki was so clingy.
“It’s whatever, just focus on tonight.” He told himself, finally getting into the shower, hoping the hot water would help him feel better.
They ripped away from each other quick as light. “Yeah, goodnight Mom!” Reki called.
They slept as far away from each other as they could for the whole night. For the first few hours of the morning, both of them acted like nothing at all happened, even Langa. When Reki stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, he looked at his bare chest. He ran his fingers over his neck, thinking of Langa. Now he knew what Langa’s lips felt like. His mind couldn’t help but wonder what Langa’s lips would feel like kissing other parts of his body.
“Shit,” he breathed out as he ran his hands through his damp red hair.
When he had kissed girls when he was young, he hadn’t felt what he felt when he kissed Langa last night. Even though it had been dark in the room, when they kissed it had been like they were seeing everything about each other – seeing each other’s vulnerabilities and desires. But he was like 6 when he kissed a girl on the school playground, so he had no idea that ‘vulnerability’ was even a word.
Was it just kissing in general that felt good or was it specifically kissing Langa that felt so good? Thoughts and questions flew around Reki’s head, each fighting for a turn to be at the forefront of his mind. But he scolded himself for trying to even think of justification for his feelings. He knew there was nothing at all wrong with two guys kissing, as long as it was consentual. And it had been consentual, they’d both wanted it.
But accepting your own sexuality was sometimes harder than accepting the sexualities of those around you. When other people around him had come out, he always accepted them but thought that some people would always be bigots towards that person, that their family might reject them. Reki never really thought that he himself might have to deal with that.
He gripped the side of the sink, arms shaking. Shitshitshit what if my mom kicks me out? What if Langa’s mom kick him out? What if we’re not allowed at S or something?
It was bad enough that people just viewed Reki as Langa’s groupie, a pathetic nobody with no skill. What would they think if he and Langa started dating? Reki imagined they’d think Langa was dating him out of pity because Reki was so clingy.
“It’s whatever, just focus on tonight.” He told himself, finally getting into the shower, hoping the hot water would help him feel better.
A couple hours later, Reki and Langa started getting themselves dressed up.
Langa seemed to be doing just fine, pulling on trousers, an under shirt and sock until it came to his jacket. It was a black military drummer boy jacket, like the ones worn in the Welcome To The Black Parade music video. He chuckled and walked over
When Reki glanced over at him, the jacket was buttoned up skew. He chuckled when he walked over. “How the hell did you mess that up?”
With his arms flopped in defeat, Langa let Reki fix the jacket. Now Reki did actually see why he had struggled with it, the buttons were so tiny and he wasn’t having the best luck.
“The hell-“ he muttered to himself, pursing his lips in frustration. He glanced up at Langa to see Langa looking down at him, not with irritation or awkwardness, but just . . . adoration.
Reki realised he had never been looked at like that, looked like he could do no wrong, looked at like he was the most adored person on earth. In response, Reki looked at the buttons again, trying to distract himself from being so close to Langa, enveloped in his familiar smell.
Reki finished with the buttons and decided to face away from Langa as he got dressed into a red and black stripped shirt, a studded belt and black distressed skinny jeans. He swapped his usual blue headband out for a black beanie.
Koyomi burst into his room a few minutes later, ready to do the boy’s makeup. Originally, they weren’t gonna wear makeup but his siter insisted, so he let her. And she wasn’t half bad at it. She was bossy when she gave them a good dusting of eyeshadow and mascara.
After his, Reki’s mom forced them to take an awkward picture all together, that Reki imagine would later be put on the fridge.
To no one’s surprise, they skated their way there.
Reki slowed down a bit after a few minutes. “For once I’m faster than you, Langa.”
Langa awkwardly rolled up next to him. “These shoes aren’t made for skating.” He was wearing boots that went with his matching drummer boy outfit. Reki had it much easier with converse that laced all the up to his knees.
Langa was about to push himself forward with his foot, but the toe of his boot, got caught under the deck of his board. He wobbled slightly and Reki instinctively held out his hand to stabilise him. Langa hadn’t needed to hold Reki’s hand on his skateboard for so long now. Reki wished he hadn’t been wearing skeleton print gloves, so he would have been able to touch Langa’s skin.
When they arrived at the hotel lobby, they showed their invites to a bouncer at the event room doors and were let in. The room was lined with almost blinding shining decorations and a DJ section with neon decorations. A disco ball hung right over a bright dance floor where people were already gathering. After shoving their skateboards in a nearby storage closet. Reki and Langa started looking for familiar faces.
They soon spotted a head of pink hair and ran over to find, Cherry, Joe and Shadow. Cherry and Joe seemed to have come in matching outfits, resembling the infamous Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake denim outfits. Shadow wore long basketball shorts and a baste ball playing shirt and socks pulled high up. But it was Miya who had the most interesting outfit, probably the most creative one here. He was dressed as none other than hello kitty. He had on white cat ears, a bow, a set of pink dungarees and fluffy white boots.
But the boy didn’t seem to be happy that everyone was gawking at him. “Oh, if I had known the rest of you would lazy, I would have dressed down!” he blurted, his fists balled.
“I’ll have you know that I had to get this custom made,” Cherry flatly bragged.
Everyone in their little group agreed that Miya was the best dressed and laughed at the other’s costumes. Soon after that, they went their sperate ways, making friends with other people at the party
While Reki and Langa were getting themselves some non-alcoholic punch, Reki asked Langa something. “Back in Canada, did you have school dances similar to this?”
Langa nodded as he stared into a red cup. “I remember when I was sixteen, a lot of girls asked me to go with them to a dance.”
As they walked, looking for so where quiet to stand, Langa continued. “I very quietly said no to all of them. The truth was that I had a crush the guy that was DJing, so I went alone.”
They sat down on some cushioned seats in the corner, where they could watch the dance floor.
Reki wondered if Langa was being more about his sexuality because of what had happened last night. “What about the DJ here? Thoughts on him?” he jokingly asked.
Langa looked at the DJ, who was turning up the song currently playing. “Hmm, he’s too old for me.”
Reki sipped his fruit punch, “Does your mom, like, know?”
“I think she’s catching on.” Langa admitted.
Silence.
Langa looked at Reki through mascara coated eyelashes. “Reki-”
But he was too worried that it would be some sort of admission of feelings. “Let’s go dance, instead of being awkward.” Reki said and took Langa to the dance floor by the wrist. When they had sewn themselves into the crowd, Reki also spotted Joe attempting to drag the protesting Cherry to dance. But Joe wasn’t snatching Cherry’s wrist like Reki was doing to Langa. Instead he was gently holding his hand without interlocked fingers. Reki looked down at his own hands.
“As long as no harm is done to others, there’s no harm in exploring your sexuality, Reki.”
Reki wasn’t sure if he was ready for an admission of feelings, but right now, he wouldn’t mind figuring the whole physical touch thing out. So he slid his hand down until the hold on Langa wasn’t so awkward. Now they stood more comfortably, nearly chest to chest in the dancing crowd.
Reki had never seen Langa dance before, but he just had a feeling that he would be good at it. It took him a few moments to figure out how to move smoothly in his drummer boy outfit, but he eventually figured it out, but eventually he had both of Reki’s hands in his and his hips were moving to Justin Timberland in the background.
The red head glanced back at Joe and Cherry, seeking some sort of audience. And when he saw them, he truly realised how much space was between Langa and himself. Joe’s muscled arm were draped around Cherry’s neck and Cherry had his hands on Joe’s waist. And they both looked so happy to be close to each other. So Reki took a step towards Langa.
The blue haired boy seemed shocked by this at first, but he loosened up and put his hands on Reki’s shoulders.
And as more Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna and Lady Gaga passed through the speakers, the closer the two of them got, until their chest were brushing each other’s and able to smell each other’s deodorant.
For once, Reki Kyan didn’t care about what other people thought of him, all that mattered was this moment with Langa. This moment with Lang’s arms around his neck, this moment with Reki’s tight on Langa’s waist.
To be heard over the pounding music, Langa leaned down slightly, lips accidently rushing Reki’s ear. “Do you wanna . . .” but his nerves failed him, making him trail off.
“Go somewhere more private?” Reki suggested.
“Yeah.”
Hand in hand, they pushed their way out of the crowd, looking around. Everyone was either too drunk or busy dancing to notice them sneak out of the event hall. Their only options were outside or the elevator. So they chose the elevator. The moment the doors .
Even Reki surprised himself when he grabbed Langa by the collar of his jacket, pushed him against the elevator wall and kissed him hard. Reki had never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. As Langa opened his mouth and kissed him back, Reki noted how good this all felt. He truly couldn’t picture anyone else but Langa kissing him, no one else with hands in his hair and no one else pressed against him like this.
The doors dinged open and the two of them stepped out of the elevator. Neither of them had really thought this through, realising that they didn’t have keys to the rooms. Reki quickly searched in his pocket and found a bank card in his wallet and looked into a keyhole of one of the doors.
“What are you doing?” Langa asked.
Reki started shoving the card between the door frame and door. “I was just checking if someone was in there.” After some more shuffling around, the door eventually opened.
They were both still for a few moments, wanting the other to make the first move. But soon, the door was slammed closed behind them and they were kissing each other again.
-
Reki’s eyes slowly opened, looking at the dimly lit ceiling. His body was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Langa lay next to him, his hair a little sweaty.
There was a moving of sheets and Langa turned slightly. And he looked beautiful, eyes blue and sleepy and a blush running over his nose. Langa reached out and brushed the red hair from Reki’s face. Even though his hands were scrapped up from skating, it still felt good against Reki’s cheek.
A single thought ripped the moment away from Reki.
You’re not good enough for him.
Reki sat up so quickly his head hurt. Langa sat up and watched Reki get out of the bed.
“Is something wrong?” Langa asked, his voice full of confusion.
Reki was pulling his boxers and jeans back on. “I think I’m gonna go home.”
“Wha- Did I do something- Did you not like it?”
Reki tugged on his striped shirt. “No, I did like it.”
Langa huffed and got out of the bed too, but on the other side. “I hate when you do this?”
Reki snapped to look at Langa. “Do what?”
“When things get intimate, you become a coward.”
Reki stood still. He’d never heard Langa say something like that to anyone ever. “I’m not a cowar-”
“Then what are you?” Langa interrupted, buttoning up his shirt. “Are you just using me for my body? Or do you actually want something to be more here?”
Scoffing, Reki pulled on his socks. “That’s not what it is, okay?”
Langa completely lost it, speaking as loudly as he’d ever done before, hand against his now covered up chest. “You don’t get to run away and not explain things again. You shouldn’t have done it the first time. When you do things like this, you hurt me, Reki. It’s not fair to hurt people and act like it didn’t happen. I know you’re not a bad person – you’re just a coward.”
Reki snatched up one of his shoes. “Okay, I’ll admit I am being a coward. But I don’t want to start something with you for it just to end so quickly. I’ve been so close to losing you bef-”
Langa’s voice lost all its anger, now barely a crack to be heard. “You think more about us breaking up then us actually working out, being happy together?” his hands were shaking. “Why do you always worry about the bad things that will happen? Don’t you believe we could be happy together?”
“I worry about fucking up happiness we could have!”
“With that kind of attitude, you will fuck this up. In fact, you already have.”
Silence.
Langa sat back on the bed, back facing Reki. “You’re right, I think you should go.”
So he did. Langa waited until he had heard the elevator doors close until he turned around. He hadn’t cried in a long time. Langa had spent countless nights wishing he’d had the opportunity to introduce Reki to his father. So he had just settled on bringing Reki to water the flowers on his grave. But now that couldn’t happen.
He flopped back against the pillows, eyes barley open. Something dark caught his eye on the other pillow. It was the beanie Reki had been wearing.
With trembling fingers, he grabbed it. He held it close to his face, feeling the soft fabric and the faint smell of Reki himself.
-
Reki tripped a few times as he was running home, not caring that he’d left his skateboard in the storage closet of the hotel. He could just use of his other ones.
But who would he have to skate with? He could skate with Shadow or Miya, but that means he would eventually run into Langa. Fuck, and Langa was at school.
Why does everything around me fall apart? He thought to himself as trudged through his garden.
‘When you do things like this, you hurt me, Reki.’
The sentence stayed at the front of his mind. Maybe everything around him was falling apart because he was the one fucking it all up before it could become something good?
When Reki closed his bedroom door behind him, he spotted something on the floor. Langa’s black shirt. He was about to kick it under the bed, but stopped himself by considering just how cowardly of a move that would be.
Instead, he just held it against his chest, smelling Langa’s familiar scent.
-
A couple days later
-
When he shuffled out of the school gates, Langa was not expecting to see Joe waiting for him, leaning against the side of his car.
“And I was right.” Joe said as Langa approached him. Langa was compliantly unaware of the girls gawking at Joe.
“What are you right about?” he asked.
Joe sighed. “Something happened between you and Reki. And not something good.”
The blue haired boy gulped. “How did you know?”
“It’s been five days since you guys have stopped by the restaurant requesting discounted food.” Joe then glanced at the school gates. “And knowing you two, you guys would have run out of school together. But here you are alone.”
Langa couldn’t help but notice how silent and empty the space was next to him, where Reki could have normally stood. “Yeah, him and I don’t talk anymore.”
He started to walk away but Joe grabbed him by the back of the collar. “C’mon get some lunch with me.”
“Joe, it looks like you’re kidnapping me right form school.” Langa stated dryly.
As Joe opened the door to his car, Joe called out to the students and teachers that were shuffling out the gates, “Don’t worry, we know each other.”
Langa didn’t worry too much, he would show up at school tomorrow so it was fine. He just put his seatbelt on while Joe started his sleek car.
“You wanna tell me why you and Reki are no longer talking?” Joe asked pulling out of the parking spot.
Langa rested his chi in his palm, elbow propped on the door. He didn’t look at Joe, but just straight ahead at the murky grey tar. “Reki and I slept together when we were at your party. Afterwards, Reki was going to leave, acting all cold. So, I finally asked him what was going on.” Langa stopped for a second, swallowing the lump in his throat. “He said he was scared – scared that’d he’d somehow make us break up if we even started dating.” Now, he looked out the window, trying not to look for Reki’s house in the distance. “He thinks we’ll be unhappy instead of happy.”
Joe mulled on the explanation, flicking the indicator on. “Reki has always seemed very insecure.”
“Yeah, but I can’t understand what there is to be insecure about.”
Joe’s voice was quiet, serious for once in a while. “Other’s insecurities don’t always make sense to outsiders. I think alotta the time people just need someone there while they get themselves together.”
“Are you saying I should forgive him?”
“That’s up to you.” He answered. “I’m not telling you to fix him, I’m telling you that relationships take communication and a fuck ton of patience. If you’re willing to, tell him you want to talk things out. Let him know you’re trying to understand him.”
The car window was cold against Langa’s forehead. “But what I don’t want to get hurt.”
“Understanding doesn’t always mean happiness, it’s just clarity.”
Langa was quiet for the rest of the drive, right until they parked outside of Joe’s restaurant. Langa followed the older man into the restaurant where he saw a piny ponytail at the bar counter. Langa was about to say hello to Cherry, but the calligrapher got up and went to the back. The front door showed off the word ‘closed’.
There were only two people left in the restaurant. Langa. And Reki, who had been sitting next to Cherry.
Langa said nothing as he sat at the bar counter, on a cushioned stool, with three seats between him and Reki.
“So this is what they had planned, huh?” Reki chuckled awkwardly.
Langa ignored the ice breaker. “I’m not going to listen to you if you’re going to make excuses for yourself.”
Reki had to hold back some sort of verbal defence. He now understood that Langa had every reason to call him a coward and had every right to be snappy with him. So, he stayed quiet and let Langa continue.
“You made me believe everything was good when we kissed at your house. You even reaffirmed me when you asked to go somewhere private at Joe’s party. When you did that, I thought I would ignore all the other times you hurt me. But I should have seen the signs that you were going to hurt me. Again.”
Reki looked at his reflection in a glass on the counter. “You’re right – you’re hurt and have every right to feel hurt. I’m sorry, I hurt you, Langa.”
This was hard for Reki to admit, but it was true. When he was insecure, he was defensive. But he had to let Langa see him vulnerable, no defences up, so that they would hopefully work this out.
“I don’t understand why you always push me away.” Langa told him.
“I, um, I don’t deal with worry well.”
“Yeah, you don’t.” Langa said. “I know struggle with your self-image, Reki. But I think you’re great, great enough to be with. I’ve been happy with you for so long. So, I know that can happen again.”
They were looking ate each other now. “Can I really make you happy?”
Langa nodded. “Yes Reki. I know it’s easier said than done, but you shouldn’t focus on the end of us. You should focus on what we could be in the present.”
Grieving his father had been tough for Langa, he kept dwelling on the things he should have done with his dad, the time he should have spent with him. But that was pointless. So he had focused himself on skating, which was the present happiness in his life.
Reki thought over those words. There was no one else that Reki wanted to spend this present with.
So, he smiled at Langa. “Okay – let’s try out this happiness thing.”