Work Text:
6PM, afternoon practice just finished. Beomgyu could see Huening Kai and Taehyun going over dance moves again before they left. Yeonjun reached for his phone and went on weverse.
Soobin went and sat next to Beomgyu, wrapping his arm around the boy’s shoulders.
“Gyu do you want to go eat after I pack up?”
Beomgyu stared into the distance, not acknowledging Soobin who was right next to him. He wanted to tell Soobin what the fans were commenting about him. The harsh words on those VLives, going on twitter was already hard enough. The fans called him a pig, telling him that he got chubbier. It hurt him to the point where he stopped posting and going live. It was best for him to not be on social media at all.
“Beomgyu? Are you alright? Did you hear me?”
He realized that Soobin was talking to him.
“Oh! It’s fine, I’m not hungry, I’ll go home early today.” Beomgyu replied, his eyes forming crescents.
That smile always warmed Soobins heart. He hugged Soobin, then grabbing his bags and heading to his dorm. He knew it would be the last time he could ever smell the sweet cologne on Soobin again. He sat down and started writing, a bittersweet goodbye to Soobin.
“ To My favorite charismatic leader. ♡
I’m sorry you had to find me like this. I love you so much and I hope this won’t affect you too much. I just got tired of having to force a smile and pretend that I’m happy.
You’re my favorite bunny forever. Please don’t dwell on me too long because I’m not worth spending hours crying over.
The comments got to me, they called me ugly and said that I dont deserve to be living. Im sorry I didn’t tell you anything. You deserve only happiness and love.
I will always be looking over you and cheering for you. I cherished our happy memories, even if we bicker I still love you, through it all. You’re my best friend and I wouldnt trade that for the world. I’ve been ‘happy’ because I didn’t want you to be worried about me. I hope this way you won’t have to worry about me again. I will always be here for you, although I may be far away I am always close to your heart. When you miss me hug this teddybear! It’s just like me, right?
Goodbye. -Gyu”
He set a brown teddybear, with a heart stitched to its chest next to the letter. He went to the bathroom and ran a bath. He always liked warm baths but, nowadays the cuts on his thighs would burn in the water. He still went through with it.
He could hear music still playing in the back, it was “Sleep Thru Your Alarms” by Lontalius.
thoughts that go like bullets through you, like the time you told me you wished you were dead.
He sighed, taking a breath in then slowly submerging his head under the water. Soobin’s laugh rang through his head. He felt guilty that he had to leave Soobin like this. His hands felt cold. Everything was black. He could be at peace, at last.
“Beomgyu!! I’m home! I brought your favorite samgyeopsal!” He knew it made Beomgyu feel better.
Soobin walked through the front door and set the food down. Usually by now Beomgyu would be running out of his room for samgyeopsal. He went into Beomgyus room to look for him, there was nothing but a neat room, a teddybear and a note.
a note with tear stains on it.
Soobin read it with shaky hands and tears forming. “This can’t be real.”
He ran to the bathroom frantically, how could this happen to someone who seemed so happy?
He was met with a view of Beomgyu and a bloody bathtub.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Beomgyu?” Soobin held his hand tight, although the warmth that he felt comforted by for years now, was gone.
He held the cold hand tight, refusing to let go. The memories of Beomgyu laughing and smiling with him were long gone. His best friend that he trained with and became idols with was gone.
“If only you told me what was happening, it’s all my fault.”
The guilt Soobin felt finding Beomgyu like this left him in a wreck.
The tears didn’t stop. Soobin couldn’t stop crying for hours. He didn’t go to practice for three months straight. After the rest of the members found out they debated disbanding.
Eventually they did. Moa never knew about what happened to Beomgyu. They only knew that “He quit the agency”. Ever since then, Soobin hasn’t been the same. His bunny-like smile was gone. He deleted all of his social media. Nobody ever saw him again. Soobin only ever talked to Huening Kai, if it even was once a week.
/
Soobin held the teddybear tight.
“Beomgyu, I’ll see you again.”
He took a step off the bridge.
”SOOBIN!”
It was Huening Kai, who couldn’t reach Soobin in time.
The cold salty water already hit the older one. Everything was dark. Huening Kai fell to his knees. It was Beomgyu and Soobin all over again.