Chapter Text
Aubrey’s phone was ringing. Huh… That barely ever happened. Maybe it was a telemarketer? Well, might as well get a laugh out of messing with them. With a shrug, Aubrey picked up the phone, “ ‘Sup?”
“Aubrey!” Basil said, “Um… hi!”
“Huh, hey dude…” Well this was awkward. It was one thing to talk to Basil when everyone else was around, but it just felt kinda awkward without anyone to act as buffer. After years of bullying him over something that, ultimately, he didn’t even do, well… Honestly, she’s surprised Basil would want to talk to her at all.
“So, um… Remember when you said if I wanted to do crime again, I should tell you?”
“Oh god Basil what the fuck did you do?!”
“Nothing! Nothing! At least not yet! And I don’t think this is actually illegal anyways, but, um… dubious? And I figured if I didn’t tell you, you’ll, um… Hate me later. And I wouldn’t blame you, ‘cause, uh… Just hear me out?”
Y’know, this was NOT what she was expecting to do tonight, but her curiosity was absolutely burning. Like, what the fuck Basil? She had only made that offer jokingly, but guess that she was getting into dubious shit with Basil! Honestly, the dude was more hard-core than she gave him credit for. Hardcore, loyal, and kind of unhinged, but in a way that was mostly more dangerous to him. Though given Sunny’s eye and what he did to Mari, honestly she wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disturbed that he never really did anything to fight back…
“Alright, alright. I’m listening.”
“Okay! So, um… I’ve been looking into psychology books? To help Sunny?”
“Basil you should be helping yourself.”
“No, no, I’m fine. He’s the one that suffered worst? Like, I’m glad Something is leaving us alone now, but having that behind him for years…”
“Okay just tell me the plan!” Aubrey said hurriedly, squirming in place. God, he really was crazy, wasn’t he? Well meaning, but…
“So, um, I found something called ‘the placebo effect’? Like, sometimes you can think something is doing something, and it’ll actually work! Even if it’s not doing anything. Like taking medicine for a headache and feeling it go away before it has a chance to kick in. And, um… Just listen first, and please don’t get mad yet? But I’ve been playing with flavoring drinks lately, because Sunny likes fruity ones and I’m hoping to make Kel have better tastes-”
Aubrey couldn’t help but snicker at that.
“-and I realized that if I put hot peppers in drinks, it burns! I mean, kinda obvious in retrospect. And alcohol burns too, um, don’t ask, sooooo…”
“Are… Are you suggesting we make someone think they’re drunk?”
“Yep!”
Aubrey couldn’t figure out whether to be pissed, laugh, or groan. Why did Basil even come up with that? How did Basil even come up with that? What possible reason could Basil have for wanting to do that anyways?
… and why was it tempting?
“No real alcohol?”
“None. Not even a bit.”
“Y’know… kinda tempting…” What would their friends even act like drunk? Kel… probably wouldn’t change. Dude always acts like he’s been sipping something – maybe it’s all the expired Orange Joe. Would Sunny be okay? Dude could get down on himself, but if he’s with friends… What the heck would Hero act like drunk though? He was always so proper and perfect and collected, the idea of seeing what would happen when that picture perfect shell broke was too tempting to pass up.
Then an even better (or worse) idea came to mind… “Can we bring the Hooligans too?”
“Um… I… I guess if you want? They won’t…?”
“Hurt you? Nah… Shit, I’m still sorry about all of that. You didn’t deserve it.”
“Um, I kinda did, like a lot. But thank you.”
“No you didn’t!” Aubrey snapped. “Or, well, fuck, forget about it. I just have to know what Kim would be like drunk.”
“Hmm? Why Kim specifically?” Basil asked innocently. But she could practically see his smirk as all that innocent wiped away, “Unless, you’re hoping she might do something~?”
“Shut- Shut up!” Aubrey could feel her cheeks burning. Whyyyyyyyyy?! “Just… ugh. She’s always all smart and chill and stuff and I wanna know, okay?” Though she’s a little terrified of what might happen if Mikhael thinks he’s drunk. He’s already too much to handle. And Angel, oh dear… But hopefully it’d be funny too? “So… We doing this?”
“Sure! Just gotta find a day people can meet up? The weekend, maybe? It would be easiest. And, um, gotta find a spot where people won’t call the police… I mean, the breathalyzers would reveal we aren’t drunk, but I’d still rather not have the cops called on me…”
“Same,” Aubrey says. “Gimme a little time and I’ll think on it. Also, I am watching you make those fucking drinks.” She doesn’t entirely trust Basil not to lie and actually spike them.
“Ah… that’s fair. They’ll need time to steep and chill, so you can come over the night before?”
“And I’m staying.”
“U-Um… alone? Just us?” He sounded nervous…
“You can stay at Kel’s house if you want.”
“So… you’ll be sleeping over at my house? Without me??? Aubrey, that’s weird.”
“Okay, yes, but literally nothing about this situation is normal.”
“Um, I guess that’s fair…” Basil said with an awkward chuckle. “So, see you soon?”
“Yeah. See you,” Aubrey hung up the phone and wasn’t sure whether to be preemptively exhausted by what she’d gotten herself into, excited, or slightly terrified. But one way or another, it would be interesting!