Archive of Our Own

Iwaizumi Hajime was ten years old when the world clicked into place for him.

He was sitting on a swing, his arms crossed and a frown etching itself into his face. He didn’t know why he felt this way. The words for it kept on slipping away from him, the world spinning just a bit too fast, and all he knew was that he did not like this. He did not like this at all.

“What’s wrong, Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa shot him a bright smile as he sat down on the other swing. Iwaizumi’s frown deepened, and he quickly looked in the opposite direction. There, there it was. That twinge in his gut. It was unpleasant, and he was mad, and he did not like this. He did not like this at all.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Iwaizumi grumbled. “Go away.”

Oikawa, however, only laughed. “Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Then why aren’t you playing with us?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Just because.”

“That’s not an answer, you know.”

Iwaizumi glowered at him. “Oh shut up.”

Oikawa laughed again, but he didn’t say anything else, instead only absentmindedly interlocking his ankles beneath the swing. Iwaizumi waited for him to leave, to go back to the other kids, but he didn’t, and that just made the twinging worse and the words Iwaizumi wanted still weren’t there and he could feel the world tilting and he did not like this, he did not like this at all.

“Stop it,” Iwaizumi muttered.

Oikawa leaned back a bit on the swing. “Stop what?”

Iwaizumi, however, only glared at him. “Don’t play dumb, Stupidkawa. Just go. I know you want to.”

“But I want you to come play, too.”

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe those were the words he was looking for. “You don’t need me there anyway,” he muttered. “Go back and have your stupid weddings with all those stupid girls. I’m staying here.”

But Oikawa was stupid and Oikawa didn’t leave, because the stupid stupidhead was stupid and giggling like some stupider stupidhead. Iwaizumi’s scowl deepened.

“Oi. I already said you can go.”

“But I want to play with you, Iwa-chan.”

And there, there was that twinge. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have to go get married now?”

Oikawa laughed.

“Aw, don’t worry, Iwa-chan,” he said. “Those don’t count.” The taller boy paused, swinging his feet for a moment in silence before looking back up at him with that stupid, stupid grin. “When I grow up, the only one I’ll get married to for real is you.”

Iwaizumi squinted at him. “That’s a stupid joke,” he said finally.

“Not a joke.”

Iwaizumi frowned. Oikawa’s smile brightened. “Well that just makes it even stupider,” he mumbled.

Laughing, Oikawa glanced down at the ground. “Maybe.” He was quiet for a moment before holding out his pinkie finger towards Iwaizumi. “Pinkie promise though anyways?”

Iwaizumi’s forehead creased, and Oikawa wiggled his finger a little, raising an eyebrow. Stupid.

“You can’t break a pinkie promise, you know,” Iwaizumi warned.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Mhm.”

And maybe it was just his imagination, but the shorter boy could’ve sworn that the world’s tilting was slowing down a bit. “Fine.” He only stared at Oikawa’s sparkling smile for a moment longer before reaching out a hand to hook his pinkie with the other boy’s, his tone serious. “It’s a promise then.”

Oikawa’s grin grew, and there, there it was. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. Click. He blinked. Oh.

So those were the words he was looking for.

Iwaizumi’s nose wrinkled.

Huh.

Frowning, the shorter boy pushed himself off of the swing. “Geez. Now stop making me do weird stuff, stupid.” He didn’t even turn around to see if Oikawa was following him, instead just shoving his hands into his pockets, his pinkies brushing up against the sweatshirt’s fabric and his lips turning upwards in a small smile, because okay, fine, so maybe - maybe - Iwaizumi was a bit stupidester.

They had a promise, after all. They were a promise.

Iwaizumi was not doing this.

No, no, of course he wasn’t. Because that would just be dumb. And Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb anymore. No, he was just going to the convenience store. He pulled up the zipper on his jacket even higher. Yeah, the convenience store. That was why he was here, outside, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the rain, with two umbrellas and an extra jacket in his hands. For the convenience store. Because… the convenience store might need an extra umbrella. And jacket.

Iwaizumi paused for a moment to glance down at the sidewalk.

Okay so maybe the extra jacket and umbrella were a bit difficult to explain away. But still. Iwaizumi wasn’t here for him. He was here for himself, because he himself needed to go to the convenience store. Yeah. The convenience store.

Squaring his jaw, Iwaizumi continued forward once again. He wasn’t even thinking about the phone in his pocket, like the very normal convenience store go-er that he was. He most certainly wasn’t thinking about the text he had received on it about ten minutes ago either, because then he might not be going there for the convenience store, and that would be dumb. Very dumb. And Iwaizumi wasn’t that dumb anymore.

No, he only brought an extra umbrella and an extra rainjacket in case a convenience store started shivering, like the very not dumb person he now was.

Shit. Iwaizumi stopped to rake a hand through his hair. Who was he even kidding with this? Iwaizumi was here because of that text, and because of him, and because Iwaizumi knew that he was going to be here.

Or maybe he wouldn’t. The ace had been known to be wrong before, after all. Yeah. Furrowing his eyebrows, Iwaizumi started quicker towards the park across from the convenience store. He was only here to check, to see for his own eyes that he had been wrong, to confirm once and for all that he didn’t know the guy as well as he thought he had. That was it. And then Iwaizumi was going to take his extra jacket and take his extra umbrella and leave him there in the rain, because he could take care of himself now.

If he was even there. Which he wouldn’t be. Because Iwaizumi didn’t know him at all.

Except maybe he had, or at least, just a little bit. Because there, sitting in that same stupid swing set in that same stupid playground that they had eight stupid years ago, was him, the figure of the same stupid, stupid boy Iwaizumi had known was going to be here.

And so he should leave. Iwaizumi had proven himself right. He had checked, and he had been right, and now he had no reason to be here. With an extra umbrella. And an extra jacket. No reason at all. He should be gone already, really.

Iwaizumi’s feet, however, seemed to have other ideas though because they were walking forward towards the figure hunched over on the swing. He should turn around. He needed to turn around. He had promised himself he wouldn’t do this anymore, after all.

And yet.

“Oi.” Iwaizumi stopped a few feet away from the dripping shadow. The figure’s face was turned down, his soaked hair hanging down and covering up his expression. “Here.”

The ace held out the umbrella and jacket, but the figure didn’t so much as move.

Frowning, Iwaizumi took a step closer. “It’s raining, dumbass,” he tried again, his voice more insistent this time.

Still no response. Sighing, Iwaizumi lifted his own umbrella off of his shoulder to hold it out and protect both of them from the downpour. I shouldn’t even be here. “Just stop being so stupid, alright?”

At that, the figure’s shoulders started to shake with silent laughter. Iwaizumi frowned. “Oi,” he repeated.

But that only seemed to make the figure laugh harder. “Stop it,” Iwaizumi tried again, his scowl deepening. He had known he shouldn’t do this. Why should he, after all, when this bastard still insisted upon being an ungrateful little asshole who couldn’t so much as accept a dumb umbrella in the middle of the-

“That really what you want to say to me right now?” And despite him not actually doing any of this, and despite him not actually being there right then, and despite him having promised himself he wouldn’t keep on doing this to himself, Iwaizumi’s breath still caught when the figure raised his head to shoot him a bitter smile. “No greeting or anything?”

Iwaizumi pressed his lips together firmly. He didn’t owe this boy anything. He knew that. Not a greeting, not an umbrella, not a jacket, not anything. He shouldn’t be doing this. He wasn’t doing this. He was turning around, he was leaving, and he was absolutely not saying anything back.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi allowed begrudgingly.

He immediately winced at the sound of his own voice. Shit.

“Hey,” Oikawa Tooru answered, his wet bangs still plastered to his forehead. “Well.” He spoke in a long, slow drawl, almost as if his sour smile was relishing the sickly sweet sound of the words on his tongue. “Long time no see, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi Hajime was eighteen years old when the world clicked out of place for him.

Not that it was obvious at first though - because no, Iwaizumi would not be getting any warning that his entire sense of stability was about to be upended, oh god no, of course not. That would just be too easy, after all. Instead, just like he did every day, Oikawa walked into the locker room with that giant, stupid, shining smile of his, almost as if he didn’t know he was about to cause Iwaizumi’s entire universe to implode upon itself. And just like he did every day, Oikawa’s entire face lit up when he saw the spiker, almost as if Iwaizumi was the gravitational pull which clicked his whole world into place. Almost as if they had a promise. Almost as if they were a promise.

And just like he did every day, Iwaizumi fell for it - hook, line, and sinker. A sucker to the very end.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa cooed, draping himself against the locker.

“Nope.” Iwaizumi turned around and started towards the gym.

“But-“

“Not happening, asshole.”

“Iwa-“

“You are sitting out until the doctor says your knee is better, and that’s that. Now piss off.”

“My knee is better though,” Oikawa whined as he watched Iwaizumi start his warm-ups.

“Has the doctor said so?”

The setter stayed silent.

“So that’s a no.” Iwaizumi stretched out his arms behind his head.

“It doesn’t even hurt though. Like, at all.”

The ace didn’t bother replying, instead only switching positions to stretch out his hamstrings.

Oikawa bit his lip. “Okay so fine, maybe a little,” he admitted, “but it’s character-building, really.“

“Oikawa.”

“I can practically feel myself growing some integrity, you know. I, like, barely even lie anymore.”

Sighing, the ace straightened back up to look the setter directly in the eye. “You won’t be any help to any of us if you’re injured for the Spring Tournament. So just stop trying to be a little weasel, alright?”

Oikawa opened his mouth to respond.

“Nope.”

“I-“

“Weasel.”

“You-“

“Weasel.”

“Stop-“

“Weasel.”

Oikawa closed his mouth and pouted, crossing his arms. “Who do you think you’re calling a little weasel,” he mumbled finally. “If one of us is the little weasel here, you know, it is most definitely you.”

“Sure. Whatever you say, Weaselkawa.” Oikawa’s pout deepened at that, and, laughing, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but reach out a hand to ruffle the setter’s fluffy hair. Screw it. He really was such a sucker. “Get better soon, alright?” the ace added, looking straight into Oikawa’s eyes. “We miss you out there.”

And then the setter’s eyes melted, just like they always did, just like Iwaizumi knew they would, because they both knew what he really meant, and because they both knew that this was it, that this was the whole world slowing down just so that they could look into each other’s eyes and feel the pull of a promise rearranging gravity just to tether them together. Because this was how things always were, and because this was how things always would be. Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Hajime and Tooru.

They had a promise, after all. They were a promise.

“Hey.” Oikawa was the one to break their eye contact, his voice going quieter. “You heard the rumors, right?”

Iwaizumi’s forehead creased. “Which rumors?”

“The whole, you know.” The setter bit his lip, his uncertain gaze flickering up to meet Iwaizumi’s. “Girlfriend thing. My girlfriend thing.”

“Oh. That.” Iwaizumi scoffed. He had forgotten about that. The entire concept was just so ridiculous, after all - that much, at least, should have been plainly clear to anybody who’d ever so much as gotten a single glance at the way he and the setter looked at each other. “Yeah, I think the whole school has heard about that, Shittykawa.”

“Right.” Oikawa tentatively fidgeted with his feet. “And?” he prompted.

“And what?”

“And what do you think?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, his mouth turning upwards in a small smile. Alright so sure, the setter may have a few inches on him, but he was goddamn adorable and Iwaizumi was a goddamn sucker. “Nothing much,” the ace answered. “The rumor mill is dumb, anyways. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“Oh.” Oikawa’s eyes narrowed, and his tone seemed almost disappointed. “So… you’re fine then.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Iwaizumi chuckled, arching an eyebrow.“What, you wanted me to get jealous or something, you little shit?”

Guilt flashed across the setter’s eyes for a short moment, but it was gone within half a second, quickly replaced with a haughty sniff as Oikawa crossed his arms. “Stop being so vulgar, Iwa-chan,” he answered, spinning around. “And don’t think that just because you’ve wrongfully banned me from participating that means I’m not going to stay and keep an eye on all of you.”

“Do weasels even have good eyesight?”

“Yes, actually!” Oikawa’s voice was indignant as he stomped over to the bench, and Iwaizumi snorted as his attention returned once more to his stretches, his world still in place, his universe still un-imploded.

Honestly, Iwaizumi should have begun to realize it then. Before everything went to shit, before the entire globe tipped over on its side and spilled all of the earth as collateral damage.

But he didn’t, because this was just how things always were. Even when practice ended, and Oikawa stayed on the sidelines to talk to the girls who had come to fawn over him instead of helping the rest of the team pick up the balls, Iwaizumi didn’t suspect a thing. Because really, he knew there was nothing to be concerned over. They had a promise, after all. They were a promise.

Even when Matsukawa began to wolf-whistle, and even when Hanamaki began to cheer, Iwaizumi didn’t start to worry. They had a promise, after all. They were a promise.

Except okay, what were those two idiots freaking out over because all of their noisiness was getting goddamn anno-

And then Iwaizumi looked up, just in time to watch as his entire universe tilted on its side.

Because there he was, Oikawa Tooru, as tall and adorable and shining and perfect and gloriously weasel-like as ever, just like he always was, just like he always would be, except maybe Iwaizumi had been wrong about that because there he was, Oikawa Tooru, his lips locked with some girl’s and Iwaizumi could feel the soil uprooting itself from the ground because it wasn’t him, it wasn’t him and Oikawa, it wasn’t Oikawa and him, it wasn’t the two of them, together, a promise as inseparable as two pinkies locked together on a set of playground swings and this was wrong, this was so, so, so very wrong, and-

The next thing Iwaizumi knew was that he was suddenly standing there, in front of Oikawa, who motioned for the girl to head out before him so that he could turn to look the ace dead in the eye with that giant, stupid, shining smile of his, almost as if he didn’t know he had just caused Iwaizumi’s entire universe to implode upon itself. And just like he did every day, Oikawa’s entire face lit up when he saw the spiker, almost as if Iwaizumi was the gravitational pull which clicked his whole world into place. Almost as if they had a promise. Almost as if they were a promise. But that couldn’t be right, that couldn’t be true, because people who made promises didn’t just go and kiss random fucking girls right in front of him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Iwaizumi hissed, grabbing onto the setter’s arm, almost like that would be enough to keep the world steady for a moment, oh god, he just wanted the world to stop spinning for a moment.

“Ouch, Iwa.” Oikawa pouted - actually goddamn pouted, the little jerk - as he tried to pull away from the ace’s vice-like grip. “No need to be so violent.”

“Oi. I’m being serious here.” Iwaizumi’s forehead creased. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t just-“ His mouth floundered for the words. “You can’t just do that!”

“Oh calm down, Iwa-chan.” Rolling his eyes, Oikawa shot him a relaxed smile, almost like he could actually see, despite the way the world’s tilting only seemed to be speeding up. “I’m sure Kindaichi has had Sex Ed. He knows that people kiss.”

“That wasn’t what I-“ Iwaizumi stopped. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. “Are you…” No. No way. Iwaizumi swallowed hard. Just man up and say it. “Are you really dumping me right now?”

“Dumping you?” Oikawa’s eyes softened, the expression in them turning something dangerously close to what Iwaizumi had apparently been misinterpreting all these years, except this time, there was a hint of something sad in them. “Wow.” He laughed, but the setter’s voice seemed almost bitter. “You’re making it sound like we were in love or something, Iwa-chan.”

And there. There it was. Click. The ace’s eyes widened. Oh. So that was it. So that was the sound of the world clicking right back into place because suddenly, awfully, Iwaizumi understood exactly what Oikawa meant.

No. The spiker quickly replayed the last eight years of his life. They had a promise, right? They both knew that. They both knew that it was him and Oikawa, Oikawa and him, as certain as the ground underneath their feet. It had been established, no? Oikawa had made that clear? No, there was no way Iwaizumi had just been misreading things. It couldn’t be.

“Don’t worry, Iwa-chan,” the setter was saying. “Me getting a girlfriend doesn’t have to change anything.”

And the way Oikawa had looked at him, that- no. That couldn’t just be platonic. That couldn’t just be the way somebody looked at their best friend; it couldn’t be, because then that would that mean that- but no. There was simply no way.

Right?

“I’ll still have plenty of time to hang out with you, and Makki, and Mattsun, so I don’t want you thinking that I’m just going to go off and be a jerk now, you hear?”

They had had a promise. They had made a promise. Oikawa had promised him, and he had to remember that. Right? He had to. He had to.

“Don’t be stupid,” Iwaizumi heard himself saying. “You’ve always been a jerk, Shittykawa.”

The setter laughed at that, but it was off. Everything about this was just off. “Yeah, maybe,” Oikawa admitted. “But still.” He shot Iwaizumi one last attempt at a smile before saying the one sentence the ace had hoped to hell he wouldn’t say. “We’ll still always be friends, okay? Girlfriend or not.”

And there, there it goddamn was. Clear as fucking day. Iwaizumi really was the biggest, most pathetic sucker to ever walk this earth. Because yes, it had been confirmed, he really had just spent almost half of his life clinging on to a stupid, forgettable promise made on a stupid, forgettable day just to misinterpret every stupid, forgettable little thing that his best friend ever did. And for what? For what had this all come to?

Iwaizumi almost wanted to laugh. Good god. He really had no right calling anybody an idiot ever again, did he.

“Don’t be so corny,” he heard himself say, shoving the setter’s shoulder. “And just stop being so gross in front of all the first years, alright? Now go. Your girlfriend’s waiting.”

And maybe Oikawa laughed at that, or maybe he didn’t. Iwaizumi wasn’t exactly sure, because all he knew was that he stood there until long after the taller boy had turned around and walked away, almost hoping for the world to start tilting again just so that it could all click back into the place it had been in before.

Holy shit. Iwaizumi somehow managed to laugh as he dropped his face into his hands. I really am such a goddamn sucker.

Iwaizumi Hajime was not a sucker anymore. Really, he wasn’t. He just was- well. He was just here. Or, at least, that was the story he was sticking with. But only because it was a true story, and that was a true statement.

Yeah.

(And no, that very, very true story did not acknowledge the hole his phone was currently burning in his pocket, nor the text that he had received ten minutes ago on it. But it was still true. So.)

“Why are you even here?” Oikawa’s voice was wary, his eyes dull. “You should just go home, Iwa. I don’t need your stupid umbrella.”

Iwaizumi frowned, bristling a little. “I’m not here for you, you know,” he said.

“Great.”

“I’m only on my way to the convenience store.”

“Continue on then.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

Iwaizumi, however, still didn’t move. It wasn’t like he could simply abandon a defenseless person out in the middle of the night as it was pouring rain, now could he? He was going to turn around, and leave, and not look back, but only once Oikawa took the dumb umbrella and the dumb jacket.

Yeah. That was it. As soon as Oikawa took them, Iwaizumi would leave. That was all he wanted.

The setter, however, didn’t seem inclined to move anytime soon. “You’re still here, you know.”

“I know.”

“The convenience store is over there.”

“Yeah.”

“So go.”

But Iwaizumi only furrowed his eyebrows as he studied the setter’s resolute expression for a long moment in silence. “It’s pouring, asshole,” he said finally.

Oikawa scoffed. “No kidding.”

“You’re gonna get hypothermia or some shit like that.”

“Don’t be silly,” Oikawa replied. “You can’t get hypothermia from the rain.”

“Oikawa.”

The setter didn’t respond, only staring up at him in stubborn silence instead. He didn’t reach forward to take the jacket or umbrella out of Iwaizumi’s hand. The ace’s scowl deepened. “Oi. Seriously. I’m not leaving until you take these.”

“So you didn’t come here for the convenience store.”

“Of course I came here for the convenience store.”

“Then why did you stop here?”

“It’s on the way.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

“That’s what you’re going with, Iwa?” The setter laughed lightly, shaking his head. “Wow. And I thought I was supposed to be the one who lies.”

Iwaizumi bristled at the small victorious smile Oikawa’s lips had curled up into. “Just at least take the damn jacket, okay?” he grumbled, shoving his hand out further. “Only idiots leave their house in the middle of the night to go sit outside in the pouring rain without so much as a jacket.”

“Good thing I’m not an idiot then.”

“Oikawa.”

The setter fell silent for a long moment. When he next spoke, his voice had gone quiet, but his glare was just as unwavering as it had been before. “I didn’t ask you to come here for me, you know.”

“Yeah well I didn’t come here for you, shitface.”

“You can’t blame me for any of this. I told you to leave.”

“I am leaving.”

Oikawa scoffed, throwing up his hands. “Then why are you still here, Iwa?”

The image of the text notification he had gotten ten minutes ago flashed across his mind, but the ace quickly pushed the thought away because no, he was over it, and, frankly-speaking, he shouldn’t have to put up with any of this anymore. He shouldn’t even be here. He should have left a long time ago. He shouldn’t be having this conversation at all.

Iwaizumi pressed his lips together firmly and stayed silent.

“What,” the setter continued, his tone tinged with scorn, “do you need it down in writing? Would a royal decree do? Because I can do that for you, Iwa, if that’s what you need.” He brought his voice down a couple of octaves. “I, Oikawa Tooru, hereby absolve you, Iwaizumi Hajime, of any responsibility or guilt you may feel obliged to display in regards to-“

“For goodness sake, Oikawa-“ Iwaizumi glared down hard into the setter’s resolute eyes. “Fine. You know what? Fine.” He shoved the extra jacket back underneath his arm. “If you don’t want to accept the barest minimum of human decency, then you can just have fun sitting out here all by yourself. I’ve done my part, and now I’m done.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Splendid.”

“Lovely.”

“Fantastic.”

“Per-fucking-fection!” Spinning around, Iwaizumi started to march away, his lips set downwards into a frown. Because no, he would not be letting that jerkface have the last word on this one. His big head was already smug enough.

No, the ace thought, refusing to allow himself even a single glance over his shoulder. This time, he can be the one watching me leave.

“So wait. Let me just get this straight.” Hanamaki leaned in across the cafeteria table, his lips curled upwards in a smile. “You spent the last eight years thinking that you were dating Oikawa because…”

“Nobody is allowed to break a pinkie promise,” Matsukawa finished, his expression as neutral as ever as he tossed some chips into his mouth. Iwaizumi flushed.

“It sounded a lot less dumb at the time, alright?” the ace muttered, and Hanamaki burst out into cackles.

“Oh my god.” The pink-haired boy dropped his head into his hands, wheezing. “Oh my god. This is literally priceless.”

“You all weren’t there, okay?” Iwaizumi snapped, his neck beet red. “It just- it made sense.”

“Oh, it made sense, did it? Hm.” Hanamaki raised his eyebrows. “And it didn’t occur to you as odd that, in all of those eight years, he literally never referred to you as his boyfriend? Oh, wait, I’m sorry.” The pink-haired boy didn’t even bother to cover up his smile. “As his fiancé?”

“I didn’t think we needed a label,” Iwaizumi argued, his face only turning more pink when Matsukawa snorted into his sandwich.

“And what about the whole kissing thing?” Hanamaki’s voice was barely more than a hiccup as he tried to keep his laughter under control. “Did it not strike you as weird that he never tried to make any moves on you?”

“Maybe he’s not into that stuff - look, I just-“ Iwaizumi exhaled out loudly. “I just don’t know, alright?”

“Why did he call you his best friend then? Hm?”

“Because we are best friends, dipshit.”

“Or dates? Why did he never ask you on any dates?”

“We hang out basically every day!”

“And why did he never tell you outright, point-blank, that he loved you? Why did neither of you ever say this?”

“Because! We didn’t need to!” Iwaizumi ducked his bright red face to fix his gaze on the table. “You could just see it, okay?”

“See it how?” Matsukawa asked.

Iwaizumi paused. Crap. He really shouldn’t say this. The whole thing was only sounding more and more absurd, even to him. He had just thought - well. He had just hoped, at least, that he had known his own best friend well enough to be able to tell. “In the way he looked at me, I guess,” the ace mumbled, his eyes still pinned to the table. “I dunno.”

“Oh my god.” Hanamaki clutched at his stomach, leaning over to laugh into Matsukawa’s shoulder. “That would be so, so cute if you weren’t so, so dumb.”

“Oi.” Iwaizumi looked up to glare at them. “I’m actually trying to be serious here, you know.”

“Trust me, we know.” Matsukawa’s smirk, however, only grew as he tossed another chip into his mouth. “That’s the best part.”

Iwaizumi scowled, sinking lower into his seat and crossing his arms tight against his chest. “You all suck,” he grumbled.

“How could you tell?” Hanamaki leaned in eagerly, his eyes bright. “Could you see it in the way I looked at you? Hm? Is that how you figured it out?”

“Ha.” Iwaizumi glowered as Hanamaki burst out into a fresh round of laughter. “Very funny.”

“Do you even know if he’s into guys?” Matsukawa asked, chewing on his sandwich thoughtfully.

Iwaizumi froze, his face going white, and Hanamaki gasped. “Oh my god,” the pink-haired boy wheezed, doubling over once more. “Oh my god. You don’t even know if he’s straight or not.”

Iwaizumi’s forehead creased. “Do you think he is?”

“You tell us.” Hanamaki shrugged, grinning. “Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be his best friend?”

“His fiancé, actually,” Matsukawa corrected.

Iwaizumi shot them both another glare as Hanamaki broke out into a new round of cackling. “You guys are literally so bad at this. Seriously, congratulations. I honestly could not think of a worse reaction. Really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” Matsukawa replied, picking up another chip. He chewed on it thoughtfully for a bit, considering. “So what are you going to do?”

Iwaizumi glanced down. Good question. “I don’t know,” the ace answered after a long moment passed by in silence. He paused before scoffing slightly. “Shit. I don’t even think I know how to only be his friend. I’ve just been doing whatever felt right to me up until now, you know? But now- shit.” He exhaled out loudly. “I’m not going crazy though, right? Like, how could he not have noticed? The way that I’ve looked at him - I mean. It’s been eight years.”

Matsukawa shrugged. “Maybe he did notice,” he said simply, and Iwaizumi frowned. Okay so sure, Oikawa was freakily perceptive, and sure, he knew Iwaizumi better than anybody else on the entire planet, and sure, eight years was a long time to be completely oblivious, but still. There was no way. Because that would mean that the setter had been purposefully leading him on for almost half his life and he wouldn’t do that. No, definitely not. Oikawa wouldn’t. He simply wouldn’t.

Unless…

“No, he’s probably just an idiot.” Sighing, Iwaizumi lifted up a hand to massage his forehead. “Damn it, I just- I’m really screwed now, aren’t I?”

“Well you better not act like it.” Matsukawa tossed the chip into his mouth. “Because Oikawa is going to turn into one hell of a nightmare if he thinks you’re avoiding him.”

“Who said I’m avoiding him?”

Matsukawa raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you ate lunch with me and Makki?”

“I don’t-“

“Bro.”

Scowling, Iwaizumi huffed out loudly. “Fine,” he muttered, letting his hands drop back down to his side. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Good.” Finally able to control his laughing, Hanamaki was just reaching forward for his food when another smile overtook his face and his shoulders started to tremble. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, really, but like, the eyes-“

Iwaizumi’s frown deepened, and he ducked down lower into his seat. “I am literally never coming to you guys for anything ever again.”

“Yeah, you should probably go to Oikawa. You know, so that you don’t spend another eight years in one giant-“

“I hate you both.”

“But your eyes say that you love us-“

“Okay seriously, piss off.”

Iwaizumi stared with furrowed eyebrows at the assortment of snacks sitting in front of him.

So he may have found himself in a bit of a dilemma.

See, had he started off on this little excursion tonight for the sole purpose of getting to the convenience store, which he had, then he should have some general idea of what he had set off to buy, which he obviously did.

Except that would seem to suggest that he wouldn’t have any trouble grabbing something off the shelf, which he definitely wasn’t having, and that he should not be standing here, staring at his options blankly.

But he clearly wasn’t doing that, of course. No, no, he was simply… letting himself dry off from the rain. Yeah. That was what he was doing. Drying himself off from the same rain that his umbrella, being the incovenient little shit that it was, had protected him from this whole time.

Sighing, Iwaizumi clicked open his phone, as if the device would be able to come up with some semblance of a more coherent explanation for his behavior. Instead, however, the ace found himself greeted with that stupid text notification he had received fifteen minutes ago, the one that most definitely - definitely - was not the reason for his being here.

hanamaki takashito | 10:03 p.m.
dude he legit just got dumped

Iwaizumi pressed his lips together firmly. Because no. He was not thinking about how cold it was outside in the park. He was not thinking about how lonely and desolate and isolating it was to sit there by oneself on the swings. He was not thinking about how it was the middle of the night, nor about how it was pouring rain, nor about Oikawa - no, not at all.

Except it was pretty cold outside in the park. And it was quite lonely and desolate and isolating to sit there by oneself on the swings. And it was the middle of the night, and it was pouring rain, and Oikawa- well. It was Oikawa. That alone was enough of a reason. That alone would always be enough.

Screw it, the ace decided, grabbing a pack of milkbread off of the shelves. The setter had gotten one thing right, after all.

Iwaizumi Hajime had never been good at lying, and least of all to himself.

“You’re avoiding me,” Oikawa declared, shutting the spiker’s locker for him.

Shit. Iwaizumi turned around, slipping his backpack onto his shoulder. “What are you talking about?” the ace answered, trying to keep his voice at about the same level of gruffness as usual. Just play dumb.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” Oikawa followed after Iwaizumi down the hallway, his tone insistent. “You were acting weird at practice, too.”

Crap. Sometimes he hated the fact that Oikawa had known him for half his life.

(He should’ve been able to tell, a tiny voice inside the ace’s head whispered. He’s known you for half your life and he should’ve been able to tell that you-)

But no, that would be ridiculous. Oikawa wouldn’t do something like that. “How so?” Iwaizumi asked instead, pushing those thoughts away.

Oikawa started counting a list off of his fingers because great, just great, of-freaking-course Oikawa Tooru came armed with a list already in mind. “You did partner stretches with Mad Dog instead of me,” he began, “you said you were too busy with homework to watch a movie - and continued to say so even when I quite generously offered to sit through a whole two hours of Godzilla’s grunting; you’re welcome for that, by the way - you didn’t wait for me after my class ended, and where exactly have you been eating lunch these past few days?”

“With Mattsun and Makki.” Iwaizumi shrugged, with hopefully just about the same level of indifference as usual. Crap crap crappy crap crap. “Didn’t know that was such a crime.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why were you sitting with them?”

“Because they’re my friends, dipshit.” Iwaizumi frowned. “You’re not the only person I hang out with, you know.”

“I never said that,” Oikawa sniffed. “But-“ He stopped.

“But what?”

“But I don’t know.” Oikawa stopped walking, and Iwaizumi paused to watch the setter furrow his eyebrows and duck his head. “I can just tell that you’re being distant, okay? And I don’t like it, Iwa. It feels- I don’t know. I just don’t like it though, alright?”

I don’t like it either, you goddamn stupid, beautiful, idiotically perfect jerk, the ace almost answered. I don’t fucking like it so why won’t you just fucking love me?

Instead, however, Iwaizumi only closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Crap. Crap crap crappy crap crap. He really, really needed to stop being such a sucker for this guy. “You’re being overdramatic, Oikawa,” the ace said finally, opening his eyes to look directly into the setter’s light brown irises. “I stretched with Kyoutani because nobody else on the team will go near him, I did my homework because I had homework, and I didn’t wait for you after your class ended because I figured you’d want to walk with your girlfriend.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest, the spiker raised an eyebrow. “That enough for you, dumbass?”

Oikawa pursed his lips, frowning. “Well I suppose that that might make a bit of sense,” he sniffed after a long pause, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but laugh a little but damn it no, he should not be laughing, because he should not be finding this cute, because he should not be finding Oikawa cute, because he was his friend and his friend only and if that was all he was ever going to get then Iwaizumi was sure as hell going to get it right.

“Look, I’ll walk with you to school tomorrow, alright, asshole?” the ace found himself saying and goddamn it, he was going to have to put his own stupid mouth on a leash.

Oikawa crossed his arms. “For the whole week.”

“Won’t your girlfriend get upset?”

“The whole week, Iwa.”

“Fine. Deal.” Okay so maybe he was straying a bit too far away from the bounds of the strictly only-friends zone, but Oikawa wasn’t frowning anymore, and screw it, Iwaizumi was weak. Baby steps. Shifting his weight to the other foot, the ace tried his best to muster up his firmest, most platonic glare. “Now are you going to actually let me get to class, shithead, or what?”

“Alright, alright.” Oikawa started to turn around to head down the hallway. “But you better not break your promise, Iwa-chan.”

Yeah. Scoffing, the spiker started forward once more, shaking his head. Don’t think you’ll have to worry about me on that one.

“Back so soon?” Oikawa called out as Iwaizumi got closer. The ace, however, only shrugged, pulling the package of milkbread out of the plastic bag the convenience store had given him. The setter followed his hand’s movement with narrow eyes. “I thought I told you to leave.”

Iwaizumi only held out the package in response. “Here,” he said. “Take it.”

Oikawa frowned. “I don’t need you to give me anything.”

“Fine.” Shrugging, Iwaizumi dropped the package onto the ground in front of Oikawa before placing himself down onto the swing beside him. “Suit yourself.”

The setter pursed his lips, his gaze darting between where Iwaizumi sat on the swing protected by the umbrella and where the milkbread package sat on the ground in the rain. “So you’re not going to even eat it then?” he asked after a long moment passed by in silence.

“Nope.” Iwaizumi let the word pop in his mouth.

Oikawa’s eyebrows furrowed. “So you got it for me.”

“I don’t see you eating it.”

“Then what’s it for?”

The ace only shrugged again in response. The setter’s frown deepened.

“You’re going to ruin it, you know,” he said.

“Oh?”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me. You know what you’re doing.”

“Do I?”

Oikawa’s forehead creased. “The water is going to get through the packaging and then the milkbread is going to get all gross and soggy,” he said. “It’ll be disgusting. Inedible. You’re ruining it.”

“Sounds crappy.”

“This is a genocide.”

“Okay.”

“Mass murder.”

“Wow.”

“Iwa. Seriously. You can’t do this.”

But the ace only leaned back in the swing and started to whistle. Oikawa scowled.

“I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.” The setter paused, waiting for Iwaizumi to respond. “You’re trying to manipulate me,” he continued after a long moment passed by without a reply. “I already know that. You’re not sneaky.”

Iwaizumi whistled louder.

“How weak do you even think I am?”

The ace’s tune grew louder yet.

“Listen. Your plan is doomed, so just spare the milkbread, okay, Iwa?”

The whistling never paused.

“God.” Letting out a huff, the setter leaned forward to snatch the package off of the ground and cradle it within his arms. “You are literally the worst.”

His lips tilting upwards in a small smile, Iwaizumi simply held out the extra umbrella and jacket towards Oikawa in response. The setter glared at the offering for another long second in silence before sighing and begrudgingly taking them into his arms. “This milkbread better be good,” he grumbled to himself.

Iwaizumi had to press his lips together firmly to keep himself from laughing. Instead, he only watched Oikawa grumpily pull on the jacket and unfurl the umbrella above him.

“So who told you about the break-up?” Oikawa asked after letting them sit in silence for a bit. He fixed his gaze ahead, deliberately avoiding Iwaizumi’s eyes as he tore open the packet to chew on a slice of the bread. “Yahaba? Mattsun?”

“Not here because of the breakup.”

“It was Mattsun, wasn’t it?”

“Only here for the convenience store.”

“Totally Mattsun.”

“Are you even listening to me, asshat?”

“Or wait, actually, maybe Mad Dog-“

“For goodness sake,” the ace groaned. “It was Makki, okay, so will you please just shut the hell up?”

“Ah. Makki.” Snorting, Oikawa shook his head and popped another slice of milkbread into his mouth. “Should’ve seen that coming.”

They fell into another silence, the only sound between them the pitter patter of the raindrops hitting their umbrellas. Well. Iwaizumi closed his eyes. He had gone to the convenience store. He had gotten Oikawa to use the umbrella and the jacket. He had done everything he had set out to do - the ace had really, truly run all of his excuses dry.

He should leave now, probably. Almost definitely. Pretty certainly. He should go. There was no reason for him to stay. This whole thing was supposed to be over. He had quit. Oikawa had left. This was done.

“Here.” Iwaizumi opened his eyes to find that Oikawa was holding out a slice of the milkbread towards him. The rain had melted into a light drizzle by then, so the ace could clearly see that the setter’s gaze was fixed firmly ahead, his voice clipped. “I won’t forgive you if you don’t take it fast before the rain ruins it.”

The ace, however, simply stared at him.

“Seriously, Iwa. Letting milkbread get wet is, like, a mortal sin.”

Iwaizumi blinked. He didn’t have a reason to be here. He knew this. Oikawa knew this.

“Fine,” the ace said, reaching into the light rain to take the slice. “But only to avoid eternal damnation.”

“Yeah.” The setter laughed lightly, but it didn’t sound right. “Only to avoid eternal damnation.”

So flight or fight impulses were clearly a myth because if Iwaizumi had had literally any sense of a self-preservation instinct whatsoever there was no way in hell he would have agreed to this.

Shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket, the ace scowled forward at where Oikawa and his girlfriend were walking hand in hand a couple steps in front of him, all smile-y and giggle-y and downright disgusting. Because seriously, who in their right mind had asked them to be this goddamn happy when everything they were doing was just plain wrong, when they were just plain wrong, because she laughed at every one of his jokes and hung onto his every word and fine, okay, so maybe Iwaizumi did that too but at least he was subtle about it and-

Nope, no, not happening, he wasn’t allowed to think like that anymore. He was Oikawa’s friend and his friend only and Iwaizumi was determined to be a good one, even if that meant he had to suppress all of his gags on these walks to school. Oikawa deserved that much, at least, and, well. Iwaizumi was a sucker for the guy. Hook, line, and sinker - all to the very end.

And maybe it wasn’t that bad, Iwaizumi decided, watching Oikawa walk ahead of him with his girlfriend at a very respectable, very friends-only appropriate distance. He was setting up boundaries, something that he was apparently supposed to have set up eight years ago.

Except screw boundaries because why didn’t anybody understand how unnatural Oikawa’s smile looked whenever he was standing near-

No. Iwaizumi bit his lip, dragging his gaze down to the sidewalk. He was just projecting and misreading and misinterpreting again. But he didn’t do that anymore, because he was mature now. Very calm and collected and mature. So calm and collected and mature that he would never even consider grabbing the setter’s arm and dragging him the rest of the way to-

Damn it, no, Oikawa was happy and if there was anything on this planet that Iwaizumi could respect, it was that. The ace took in a deep breath. Oikawa was happy with him following behind. Oikawa was happy with him staying at the distance required from a friend. Oikawa was happy with him this way, and he needed Oikawa to stay happy with him, in whatever way he could get. And this was about as much as he could get.

Yeah. The ace pressed his lips together firmly. Iwaizumi could be happy like this. Or, well. Happy enough, at the very minimum.

At least he would be, as long as these two motherfuckers would stop pausing every five minutes to make out right in front of-

Okay screw this. Clearing his throat, Iwaizumi sped up to pass by the couple, bonking the back of Oikawa’s head with his hand as he did so. “I’ll see you at practice.”

“What?” Iwaizumi could hear Oikawa quickly murmur something to the girl before the sounds of footsteps sped up behind him. “Hey, wait, Iwa. Where are you going?”

“To school, dumbass.” Just don't turn around. Just don’t-

“Hey.” The setter grabbed onto Iwaizumi’s arm, forcing him to look Oikawa straight in the eye. “You promised that you’d walk with me this week.”

“I just thought you might want a little bit of alone time with your girlfriend. You’re welcome for that, by the way, dipshit.” Iwaizumi yanked his arm out of the setter’s grip and started forward once more.

“But I never said I needed alone time with her.”

The ace scoffed. “Well then what was all that making out for?” he muttered to himself.

But Oikawa, being the goddamn supernatural being that he was, seemed to hear him. “This isn’t just all for show, you know,” he said, speeding up. “I’m actually in a relationship. A real relationship with real feelings, and I don’t need you doubting-“

(If this relationship is real, what were the past eight years? Was it all just in my head? Did you really not know? Did you really not make it seem just a bit more real, just a bit more-)

“Look.” Iwaizumi set his jaw determinedly. “I get it. You’re happy. You’ve made that clear. So stop trying to drag me along like an asshole and just let me be a good friend, alright? Because I’m actually trying here, Shittykawa.”

But that only seemed to make the setter’s pace speed up even more. “I knew it,” he hissed. “I knew that you were being shady, and weird, and distant, and if you’re mad at me, Iwa, then just say it to my-“

“For goodness’ sake, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi scowled, throwing a glance over his shoulder to make sure the girl was still out of earshot. “I am not mad at you. So what if I don’t want to play the third wheel in your little lovey dovey couple’s play? Is that so hard to believe?”

Oikawa frowned. “I know you, Iwa,” he began, “and I know that something’s-“

(If you know me, then how could you not tell? Why wouldn’t you just reject me? Why did you let us go eight years without-)

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi growled.

“Why?” Oikawa taunted back. “Scared that I’m going to call you out on your blatant jealousy?”

The spiker wheeled around to glare hard at the setter’s face, except- was that hope there, standing tip-toe in Oikawa’s eyes? Was the bastard actually hoping that Iwaizumi was jealous? Was he getting off on this, on stringing Iwaizumi along, on keeping him wrapped around his little finger, just like he had for the past eight-

“You don’t know shit,” Iwaizumi snapped, and Oikawa visibly recoiled. Crap. “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I’m sorry.” The ace took a deep breath. He hadn’t known. No, Oikawa couldn’t have known, for he couldn’t have done something like that to him. He simply couldn’t. “I’m just in a bad mood or something. It’ll pass.”

The setter’s eyes narrowed, but he stayed silent.

“Listen.” Iwaizumi tried to make his tone a bit gentler. He hadn’t known. He couldn’t have known. Oikawa would never - never in a million years - do something like that. “Just let me do the right thing, alright? I’ll be fine hanging out by myself for a bit. You go have fun with your girlfriend. Frankly, I’m just happy that you finally found someone who is willing to put up with that shitty personality of yours, so you better not break up or anything, you hear?” He tried to give him a little smile. (There’s no way, he repeated to himself. I know him, and I know he wouldn’t.) “I’ll see you at practice.”

The setter, however, did not look convinced. “It’s the last one before winter break.”

“I know.”

“So you better show up.”

“I know.”

“And not be being so weird.”

“Oi.”

“And no more calling me a weasel either.”

Chuckling, Iwaizumi started forward once more, this time without the setter following after. “Can’t make any promises on that one, Shittykawa,” the ace called out over his shoulder, only letting one thought replay over and over again his mind.

There’s no way, he chanted to himself. I know him, and I know he wouldn’t. There’s no way.

(Except you thought you knew how he felt about you, too. You spent eight years thinking you knew him, so maybe you don’t really-)

Iwaizumi tucked his head down and continued forward. No. There was no way. He may not know Oikawa, but still. It was just impossible. It had to be impossible.

Speeding up, as if that would be enough to leave the small voice in his mind behind, Iwaizumi squared his jaw determinedly and tried very, very hard to not think about the light weight of his pinkie against his pocket.

Iwaizumi waited until he had finished the slice of milkbread to ask, like the very casual, not at all invested, non-idiot that he was.

“So why’d you break up?” The ace made sure to keep his tone under his control, his face carefully arranged into a neutral expression. It wasn’t like he was curious or anything, and it certainly wasn’t that he cared. He shouldn’t care. He had no reason to care. So he didn’t. Because that would be dumb. And Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb anymore.

“Why do you think?” Oikawa laughed, but it was mirthless. “You should understand why she would dump me better than anyone.”

Iwaizumi pressed his lips together firmly, staying silent. Oikawa wasn’t wrong - not really - but still. The ace had spent eight years refusing to let the setter go: eight years. He was over it now, of course - it would be dumb not to be, and Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb anymore - but still. Eight whole years.

“And no,” Oikawa continued, his smile tinged with something bitter, “I’m not fishing for an apology, or for us to go back to the way we were. I get it. You’re done with me. And I- it’s fine. Or whatever. I don’t know. It’s okay though. I understand.”

The ace paused. He didn’t care about any of this anymore. He didn’t care about the way something clear seemed to be welling up in Oikawa’s eyes, or the way the tips of his smile were wobbling, or the way his tone was much too clipped and airtight and sealed away. He didn’t. Because that would be dumb. And Iwaizumi refused to be dumb anymore.

“Don’t worry,” the ace said, his voice quiet. “I wasn’t going to apologize, anyways.”

“Oh really?” Oikawa scoffed, shaking his head. “Then why,” he gestured wildly around them, “are you even here, Iwa?”

“I told you,” Iwaizumi started, “I was on my way to the-“

“You’re a shit liar, Iwa.”

“I’m not-“

But Oikawa cut him off. “Why did you know I’d be here as soon as you heard I’d gotten dumped? Why did you know to bring an extra jacket and umbrella? Why did you even come, Iwa, if you didn’t want to apologize and patch things up? And you know what? I take back what I said before. I guess I am kinda fishing for an apology.” He paused, his voice going softer, almost as if he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted Iwaizumi to hear him. “How can us going a full week without talking not feel weird to you, too? Like, how can you not miss this?”

Iwaizumi had an explanation for why he was here. He had a very good, very strong, practically impenetrable explanation for this, and it was going to come to mind any moment now.

Oikawa was staring at him, waiting.

Any moment now.

“I’m not the one who has to apologize,” was what his brilliant, explanation-less mind came up with.

“Oh my god.” The setter threw his head back and barked out a laugh. “Oh my literal god. How in the world are you the victim here, Iwa?” Frowning, Iwaizumi opened his mouth to respond, but Oikawa cut him off. “No, no, your answers aren’t worth crap. Like, I get it. I’m clingy, and needy, and paranoid, and I know those aren’t necessarily virtues, but do they really make me that insufferable that you can’t even bear to be around me?”

Iwaizumi scowled. He didn’t care anymore. None of this was affecting him. Oikawa could say all of the crap he wanted and it wouldn’t affect him, because that would be dumb and Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb anymore and so he was not going to engage in this fucking ridiculous conversation because seriously, how in the world was Oikawa the-

“Oh cut the bullshit,” the ace growled. The pellets of rain were beginning to fall down too fast to be called a drizzle anymore. “We both know that you weren’t just ‘clingy.’”

“Wha- how can you even say that, Iwa?” Oikawa’s lips contorted into a snarl, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh wow, gee, I’m so sorry that I was finally trying to move on with my life and get a girlfriend, but you didn’t need to exactly pounce upon that opportunity to get rid of me, now did you? Like, what do you expect me to say? Oh, whoopsies! Sorry that even just being my friend is too awful for you to bear - no take backs though? Like, what the fuck, Iwa?”

Oikawa was glaring hard at the ace, but Iwaizumi only stared back. He was going to stop engaging. He had already said too much. None of this mattered, anyways. They both knew what the setter had done, and if Oikawa needed to twist things in his mind to make himself feel better, then fine. Iwaizumi didn’t care. Not anymore. He had put it behind him and caring about this crap would be dumb and Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb. No, not anymore he wasn’t.

“Are you even going to say anything?” Oikawa’s eyes were searching his gaze, but Iwaizumi refused to give in. The setter would not be getting a rise out of him. No, not today. Iwaizumi was not about to let himself be manipulated.

“Wow.” Scoffing, Oikawa shut his eyes firmly, shaking his head in amazement. “Just wow. The silent treatment. Real class act, Hajime.”

Clenching his jaw, Iwaizumi only watched the setter stand up to drop the umbrella to the ground and shake off the jacket the ace had given him. “Thanks for this shit,” he muttered as he let the jacket fall to the floor and bundled the plastic milkbread packet underneath his arm. “Hope you feel like you’ve fulfilled your daily nice guy quota. Have a nice life.”

Then, spinning around, Oikawa marched away from the swing set and into the now pouring rain. Iwaizumi’s fist was tight around the handle of the umbrella. This was good. This was what he wanted. Despite what the setter had done to him, he had tried to be civil, and it hadn’t worked, and now things were as they should be. With Oikawa, walking away. With Oikawa, still believing that he was in the right. With Oikawa, so clearly in the wrong except none of that mattered, Iwaizumi knew that none of that mattered, because the ace knew what had happened and the setter knew what had happened, even if he still refused to acknowledge just how messed up his actions- but no. No, getting hung up on that was just dumb, and Iwaizumi wasn’t dumb anymore.

Yeah, because the only thing dumber than that would be to worry about the wobble in Oikawa’s voice, and the fact that he had started out - again - into the now pouring rain without a jacket or an umbrella, and the way his shoulders seemed to be shaking. Which Iwaizumi wasn’t doing, obviously. Because he wasn’t dumb anymore.

Damn it. The ace closed his eyes and cursed. He had promised himself he wouldn’t do this anymore. He had promised.

But he had made a promise to Oikawa too, once, and maybe it only still mattered to him but Iwaizumi couldn’t forget the feeling of their two pinkies intertwined and so the ace opened his eyes once more, pushing himself up off of the swing.

I guess I really am a goddamn idiot then, thought Iwaizumi Hajime as he stepped out into the rain.

“Rise and fucking shine, Iwa-chan,” a loud voice announced, slamming open the door to the ace’s bedroom. Iwaizumi’s eyes slowly pulled themselves open, his gaze blurry as the hard frown on Oikawa’s face came into focus.

“Huh? Oikawa? I- what the hell are you doing here?” the spiker managed to mumble, pushing himself up into a sitting position on the bed.

“Me?” The setter scoffed and threw up his hands. “What the hell am I doing here?”

Iwaizumi, however, only fumbled for the phone on his bedside table. “What time is it?” he muttered to himself, slowly blinking his eyes fully open.

Oikawa’s gaze, on the other hand, was already seething. “Where were you, Iwa?” he hissed, his voice venomous.

“I don’t know what you’re-“ The ace’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, Oikawa, it’s six in the goddamn morning, you little - why the fuck are you even here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” the setter sneered, turning away to start pacing back and forth across Iwaizumi’s room.

For goodness sake. The spiker only squinted at the taller boy for a long moment in silence before sighing and lifting up a hand to rub at his eyes. It was way too early in the morning for this. “Okay well why don’t you just slow down and try telling me what’s wrong, asshole.”

“No, actually.” Oikawa whirled around on him. “I will not be telling you what’s wrong.” Shaking his head, the setter took another step closer to the bed. “No, this time, Iwa-chan,” he spit out the name like it was made out of poison, “you are going to be the one to tell me what’s wrong.”

“What?” Iwaizumi’s forehead creased. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa glared at him, but when Iwaizumi only glared back in silence, the taller boy pressed his mouth together into a thin line. “Why didn’t you show up for practice?” he asked finally, his voice an accusation.

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows. “I was literally there. It was yesterday, remember?”

“I’m not talking about yesterday, Iwa. I’m talking about today’s practice. This morning.”

“It’s winter break, dumbass,” Iwaizumi answered, rolling his eyes. “There was no practice.”

“Yes! Exactly! That is exactly the point!” Oikawa threw up his hands, stalking even closer. “You knew that there was no practice, and so you knew that I would show up anyways, and so you knew that I needed you there to get me to stop over-obsessing over my godddamn stupid serves and make sure that I didn’t injure my already goddamn stupidly injured knee - I mean, god, Iwa, god.” The setter collapsed onto the end of the bed, his shoulders trembling. “You knew this, you’ve always known this, and that’s why you’ve always come, except this time you weren’t there. You weren’t even fucking there.”

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi simply stared at the taller boy for a long moment in silence. “What the fuck.”

“And I know that you keep on saying you’re not mad,” the setter continued, sucking in a deep breath, “but-“

Iwaizumi dropped his head into his hands. “Aw geez, not this aga-“

“Oh no.” Oikawa shook his head, laughing bitterly. “Oh no no no no no, Iwa, you do not get to do that because you do not get to act like my fears are unfounded and okay, so fine, I may be an overdramatic petty little bitch sometimes-“

“When did I ever-“

“But yes, I do know you, alright, I really do know you and so trust me when I say that I am not up for your bullshit today because yes, it is true, I can goddamn tell when my best friend of ten fucking years is acting god-fucking-damn off, you hear me?”

Iwaizumi’s jaw tightened. “I’m not-“

“Oh my god, Iwa,” Oikawa groaned, raking a hand through his hair, his eyes wild. “Just stop lying to me, please, you really need to stop, because I just can’t-“ His voice cracked. “I just can’t take it anymore, okay? You’re acting weird, and distant, and lying to me, and you never lie to me, Iwa, you never do, except now you are and now I’m spending way too much time overthinking everything and I know that none of this should be a big deal but it really feels like it is because I can feel you pulling away and-“

Oh my god. Iwaizumi massaged his forehead. What the actual fuck.

How was Oikawa the one overthinking everything? How was Oikawa the one who felt lied to? How was Oikawa the one whose entire world had just been flipped upside down within the same week that he realized that not only had he spent the past eight years in a pathetically unrequited pining but that he had also never even understood the basic gist of his closest friend’s feelings towards him? How was any of that Oikawa’s burden to bear?

“You have got to be kidding me,” the ace muttered, his hand dropping to his side as he glared up straight into Oikawa’s furious eyes. “You woke me up at six in the morning to do what, exactly? Guilt me for not babysitting you every single minute of every single day?”

“It’s not about today; it’s-“

“Well then what is this about, Oikawa? Hm? Why are you here?”

The setter bit his lip, a bit of uncertainty creeping into his gaze. “I’m just worried about us, Iwa,” he said, trying to make his voice gentler.

“Oh really, Crappykawa? You’re just worried about us?” Scoffing, Iwaizumi threw up his hands. “Well guess what, shitface, so am I. I mean- god.” He shook his head, the expression in his eyes almost wonder-like. “Have you ever even realized just how weird our relationship has been over the past eight years? Like genuinely though. Is it just me or has it ever occured to you just how goddamn weird this all is?”

Oikawa flinched backwards. “I don’t know what you’re saying, Iwa.”

“But no, of course you wouldn’t.” Snorting, Iwaizumi leaned back into the bed’s headboard. “Of course you wouldn’t, because why would you? You’re Oikawa Tooru, after all, only the most perceptive person on the entire fucking planet, so why wouldn’t you realize that no other pair of friends in this universe acts like we do?”

“Iwa-“

“Why have I spent the last eight years of my life buying every dumbass alien charm I come across just because I know you’ll like it? Why have I spent the last eight years of my life memorizing every single version of your smile just so that I’ll always be able to tell how you’re feeling? Why have I spent the last eight years of my life thinking that you actually-“ He stopped. Iwaizumi couldn’t even say it. He couldn’t even goddamn say it. “Just-“ The ace sucked in a deep breath. “Just explain it to me, Oikawa. Please. Try. Because I, for one, am having a hell of a time attempting to wrap my mind around what these eight years have come to for us. Really. Your assistance would be much appreciated, Oh Crappy One.”

Oikawa only stared back at him, his gaze unreadable. But that didn’t stop Iwaizumi. Oh no. Because that would just be too easy.

No, instead, Iwaizumi got to look right into the eyes of the boy he had spent the past eight years of his life loving and finally allow himself to think the thoughts he had known to be right this whole time.

He had never been good at lying, after all, and least of all to himself.

“You already knew all this though, didn’t you?” Iwaizumi spit, the words tasting like arsenic on his tongue. For a moment, a moment so brief that Iwaizumi might have missed it had he not been staring so intently, guilt flickered across Oikawa’s eyes, and Iwaizumi’s lip curled up farther into a scowl. Well.

So it was true then.

Iwaizumi couldn’t even bring himself to feel surprised.

“You knew how I felt this whole goddamn time,” the spiker continued, his voice turning more and more acidic by the second. “But you continued to go on doing whatever you damn well pleased because you’re Oikawa Tooru, the Great King himself, and so who cares about the feelings of the one person who has stuck by you for half your life? The world is just your little sandbox, anyways. There’ll always be somebody after me.”

Oikawa stayed silent, his face still expressionless, and Iwaizumi just wanted him to say something, to deny everything, but he didn’t, and that just made the words come faster.

“You know,” the ace continued, tilting his head thoughtfully, “maybe I have learned something useful this past week. Two things, actually. You want to hear?” The setter didn’t move. Iwaizumi barelled on anyways. “First of all - and listen up, because this is important - I really, really need to stop being such a goddamn sucker for you, Oikawa Tooru. Seriously, I really do. And the second thing - oh, and this one is just a real kicker; you’ll absolutely love it - is that trying to just be your goddamn friend is fucking exhausting. Did you know that? It is truly, abso-fucking-lutely exhausting, and that’s without you constantly hounding on me for acting weird. I don’t even know what I’m allowed to do anymore, to be completely frank. I have no goddamn clue how I’m supposed to just limit myself to being your friend for the rest of our lives. Every single time I want to do something, to say something, to even so much as look at you, I now have to stop myself, and it’s all for you. It’s all just to keep you happy. Did you know that? Did you know how fucking terrifying that prospect is? Hm? Did you know how doomed I feel every time I imagine only being your friend for the next eighty years?” Oikawa’s face was stoney, but Iwaizumi had gone too far to back down now. He barely had time to even think the words before they were spilling out into the room to hover heavily in between them. “And so actually, in a way, I’m quite happy that you found yourself a girlfriend, because otherwise I might still be the same old idiot I have been for the past eight years. So thank you, really. All of your help in this process has been very much appreciated.”

The spiker was breathing hard, his gaze pinned on Oikawa’s hardened eyes. The entire room stayed still for a long minute like that, only the weight of a thousand unsayable words now said pressing down in between them.

“Wow.” The setter laughed, but there was no trace of humor in his voice. “We really do just hit it until it breaks, huh, Iwa-chan?”

And then the entire world came crashing down as rational thought re-entered Iwaizumi’s brain. “Oikawa-“

“No, no, it’s fine.” The setter stood up, his tone clipped as he turned to the door. “I know my way out. Thanks for finally being honest, at least.”

“Oikawa, I-“

“Seriously, Iwa.” The taller boy shot him one last giant, stupid, shining smile before closing the door, but even Iwaizumi, with his quite awful track record concerning these things, could tell that it was fake. “You’ve already done enough for me. I’m sorry that being my friend has been such a burden.”

“I didn’t-“

But then the door shut with a click, almost as if the world was sliding back into its rightful place, almost as if there had never even been anything tying them together at all, and Iwaizumi was left alone in his room once more.

Shit. The spiker dropped his head into his hands. Shit shit shitty shit shit shitting in shitty- shit!

Because he had been right. Damn it. He had been fucking right the whole goddamn time. Oikawa had known - of course he had known; how could he have not - and he had never said a single word because why should he? He had Iwaizumi right where he wanted him after all, and, just like he always had, Iwaizumi had fallen for it: hook, line, and sinker. A sucker to the very end.

Well not anymore. Iwaizumi frowned, leaning back and closing his eyes. No, no, not anymore. This is it.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to try to go back to sleep. He was just so tired of all of this, truly, bone-weary tired of all this, and, cramming his hand underneath his pillow, Iwaizumi Hajime decided to make himself a new promise. This time, he vowed, his pinkie stuffed underneath his head. I really am done being such a goddamn sucker for Oikawa-fucking-Tooru.

“Oi!” Iwaizumi sped up, jogging forward. “Oikawa!”

But that only seemed to make the setter quicken his pace. Frowning, Iwaizumi pushed forward through the rain even faster so that he could reach out and grab Oikawa’s arm to wrench him around. “Hey.” Iwaizumi quickly scanned the streaks of water running down the setter’s face. “Are those from crying or from the rain?”

Snarling, Oikawa yanked his arm out of the ace’s grip. “Fuck you,” he hissed before wiping at his red eyes aggressively and spinning around.

Iwaizumi scowled, following after him. “Then stop crying, dipshit.”

The setter didn’t so much as turn to look at him. “I’m not crying.”

“Oh come on. That is just such a blatant lie.”

“Really? Well in case you’ve forgotten, might I remind you that we are literally standing outside, Iwa. In the rain.”

The ace’s frown deepened. “Look,” he began, trying to keep his tone under control, “I really don’t think that you’re the one with the right to cry over this, not after everything that you’ve put me throu-“

“Oh yeah?” Oikawa whirled around, his eyes bright red and the expression in them livid. “And what exactly is it that I’ve put you through? Hm, Iwa? What gives you the moral high ground in this situation?”

Iwaizumi threw up his hands. His hair was already soaking wet. “You’ve literally spent the last eight years manipulating me, Oikawa. I do not know how much clearer it can get.”

“Oh my god, Iwa!” Oikawa’s voice broke, but his glare remained as unwavering as ever, the look of somebody who was about to just tip the entire planet right over on its side. “What exactly do you want me to do here? Apologize for being in love with my best fucking friend? Would that make you feel any better?”

Iwaizumi froze, his brain racing to catch up as the earth started to reorient itself around an entirely new axis.

Except Oikawa, being the supernatural god-demon-immortal-vampire-thing that he was, seemed to have no issues with the world clicking right back out of place again for the third time this week, seeing as he just barrelled right on. “I’m so, so sorry,” he continued, his tone dripping with sarcasm, “that my feelings have been such an inconvenience to you. Really, I truly am. Before you go blaming me though, you should remember that it wasn’t me who forced you to stay with me. No, that was all on you. I never said that you had to pity me. I never said that you had to be responsible for me. I never said that you had to spend eight years forcing yourself to hang out with the kid who was hopelessly pining for you. You decided that. That was all on you.”

Iwaizumi could barely hear him. His mind was still racing to catch up, everything moving just a bit too fast and he needed it to slow down so that he could see things more clearly because what was Oikawa even saying-

“Okay so fine,” the setter continued, “maybe I didn’t exactly discourage you, per se. But guess what, Iwa? Breaking news! I’m a full-ass selfish prick when it comes to you! So sue me for not taking what little scraps I could get, alright?”

Iwaizumi simply stared at him, his head still not functioning correctly. The only thing, in fact, that it seemed able to process was the fact that Oikawa was breathing hard, and probably crying, and this was setting off some sort of red alarm in Iwaizumi’s head except he couldn’t even move to do anything to help him because his muscles, too, had lost all of their most basic functionalities.

“You can’t say I didn’t try my best though, okay? You really fucking can’t.” Oikawa barked out a laugh, and the world tilted even more. “Hell, I even got myself a girlfriend. And okay so fine, maybe moping after somebody else is not the best way to avoid getting dumped, but you know what? At least I tried.” The setter sucked in another breath, his face getting increasingly flushed. “And it was going to be okay, because I was going to move on and get over you and then maybe you wouldn’t feel so damn bad anymore but no. Apparently, as soon as you had literally one singular excuse that got me off your hands, you were more than willing to just step aside and let somebody else have to deal with me. So I’m sorry, really. Clearly you are the victim here.”

Iwaizumi needed to say something. He was going to say something, if his brain would start working and his muscles would start moving and the world would just stop spinning for one goddamn moment-

Oikawa let out another shuddering laugh. “Don’t worry. You don’t need to reject me again though. Once was enough. I get the picture.” He paused, looking down. “God. I don’t even know why I’m bothering. It’s not like you haven’t made it clear that you’re not gonna apologize now, anyways.”

“It-“ Words, words, Iwaizumi needed words and he needed to understand and he needed to not get his hopes up before he had figured this out fully and was certain that he wasn’t just being dumb and misreading things again, and he knew this, he really, definitely knew this, but, like, oh my god, and words, yes, words. “When exactly did I reject you again?” his mouth managed finally.

Oikawa scowled. “No. I am not giving you brownie points for having done it early-“

“Just answer the question, shithead-“

“Well just because I’ve known it for eight years doesn’t mean I haven’t-“

Eight years. Iwaizumi’s head was spinning. Eight years ago, eight years ago, what exactly happened eight years ago-

Wait. Eight years ago. He had known this. On the swings, in the playground. The pinkie promise. Up until a week ago, he had thought that Oikawa had been confessing then, and Iwaizumi had thought that the setter had been pretty clearly accepted, but maybe…

“The pinkie promise,” Iwaizumi interrupted, his pupils darting back and forth as he searched Oikawa’s gaze. “The swings, and the fake marriages. That’s what you’re talking about, right?”

“For goodness sake, Iwa, just hurry up and make whatever stupid point you-“

Oh my god. Iwaizumi pressed his eyelids shut firmly. Oh my god.

“I didn’t fucking reject you then, you goddamn idiot!” The ace snapped his eyes open again to watch as Oikawa fell silent, his face going pale. “That was not- I took your fucking pinkie! How in the world is that a rejection?”

“I-“ Oikawa’s eyebrows furrowed. His soaking bangs were still clinging to his face. “What are you even saying? You literally only did that to humor me and then immediately told me to stop making you do weird stuff - like, how in the world could that not be a rejection?”

Iwaizumi could not believe this. He honest-to-goodness could not believe this. “I was ten years old and that shit was embarrassing as hell, okay?”

“Your nose literally wrinkled up as soon as you touched me, like I was some gross, disgusting little-“

“Ten years old, Oikawa, I was ten years old! All feelings were gross to me!”

“No, no, there was no way in hell that you-“ Oikawa stopped, his jaw slackening. “But wait. If you didn’t see that as a rejection, then you’ve spent the last eight years thinking that we were…”

Iwaizumi nodded vigorously, and the setter’s mouth turned downwards into a scowl. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Is this actually for real?” Oikawa’s face was red, his hands gesturing everywhere and his voice somehow going even louder. “I swear to god, if you’re telling me that I’ve been miserably pining after you for eight stupid years while you’ve just been happily in love this entire time, I will literally-”

Iwaizumi bit his lip, but that wasn’t enough to stop a little snort from slipping out. Oikawa dropped his head into his hands. “I hate you,” the setter mumbled. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate-“

Iwaizumi started snickering, and the setter raised his head to attempt a glare. “It’s not funny,” he tried, but even Oikawa’s lips couldn’t help but twitch upwards as the ace doubled over, his shoulders trembling with laughter. “We’ve been together for a whole eight years and you never even thought to tell me-“

“I thought you knew!”

“How would I fucking know?”

“Because it’s obvious, shithead!” Iwaizumi laughed, shaking his head. This was ridiculous. This was absolutely, hands-down ridiculous. “I mean, seriously. How have you never, like, just- how? How?”

“You legitimately have never said anything! Not even a single-“

“Fine, here. Listen.” Iwaizumi tried to suppress his smile a little as he looked up at Oikawa’s pout. “I love you, jerkface, alright?” He could feel heat creeping up the back of his neck. “Now is that enough to get you to shut up or do you need more?”

The setter, however, only narrowed his eyes. “Is that a promise?” he asked finally, holding out his pinkie.

Iwaizumi scoffed. “The whole pinkie promise thing didn’t work so well last time, dumbass.”

But Oikawa’s gaze was insistent. “Promise, Iwa.”

God. Iwaizumi Hajime really was such a big sucker for this boy. Sighing, the ace reached out to link their pinkies together. “Fine,” he said, “it’s a promise.”

The setter, however, was still searching his expression with narrowed eyes. Iwaizumi arched an eyebrow.

“What?” he said.

Oikawa leaned in even closer, squinting. “I’m just looking for the nose wrinkle-“

“For goodness sake,” Iwaizumi cursed, flushing, “I’m not ten years old anymore-“

“Hey, can’t blame a guy for checking-“

And Iwaizumi tried to scowl, he really did, but Oikawa had given up pouting, and oh my god, he was an idiot, they were both idiots, the two of them were a pair of one-hundred-percent, officially-certified, top-tier idiots, except it was hard to be mad about that when Oikawa was smiling up at him and the earth’s spin was finally slowing down all around him. Besides, none of that seemed that important now, anyways.

They had a promise, after all. They were a promise.