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“Pen over pencil,” Jake jabbed his sparkly green gel pen into Sunghoon’s side.
“Can you not? ” Sunghoon jerked away from the other boy, sneering at him with a familiar resentment. “We have this argument every fucking week.” He shook his head before he returned to his sketchbook. He plotted down a few lines before his eyes flicked up. “And, it’s still pencil over pen. Shouldn’t you know that pencil is the best tool to use for maths equations? You can erase your mistakes.”
Jake scoffed. “I don’t make mistakes.”
“Well, I certainly do,” Sunghoon stroked more thin pencil lines onto his page. “Befriending you was one of them.”
“No you idiot. It was the best thing to ever happen to you,” Jake shot back, scribbling jagged numbers into his notebook.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Do you care to argue?”
“I do. In fact, I’d care to stay that my life would be much better without—”
“Guys.” Jay tossed his phone aside and flipped over on his stomach. He glared at his two dumbass friends who were both seated at his desk, Jake on the plush armchair and Sunghoon in a foldable stool beside him. “Please. For the love of God, shut up .”
Jay’s bedroom door flung open and Riki, in all his foody glory, strode in with two bags of family sized chips. He threw one in Jay’s direction and ended up hitting him right in his face, leaving a slight tingle. Before Jay could throw him out, he looked down at the chips and realized that they were his favourite flavour. Riki was instantly forgiven.
“I thought you wanted us to distract you,” Riki slung half of his body over Jay’s, eliciting a surprised groan on the older boy’s end. “Jake and Hoonie are perfect for that, seeing as they can’t seem to form enough brain cells to bicker over something… more intelligent?”
Sunghoon was too engrossed in his sketch to catch what Riki said, but Jake whipped his head around and jabbed his sparkly pen in the air. He drew circles to trace Riki’s face, a scowl forming on his soft facial features.
“Hey, middle schooler, don’t you have homework to do?” He smiled as Riki rolled off of Jay and glared in his direction.
“Foul!” Riki scoffed. “You act like you’re the perfect student!”
“I don’t need to do my homework,” Jake leaned back in the armchair, the backrest catching him. “The University of Seoul already gave me an acceptance letter.”
“Which they could revoke if you don’t keep your grades up, dimwit,” Sunghoon muttered under his breath.
“What the hell do you know? You aren’t even going to university.”
“You know what…”
The other two at the desk got back to bickering like elementary children. The two who were laying side by side on the bed decided to drown them out and revolved into their own separate bubble, munching on their respective chip bags.
Riki licked crumbs off of his lips and nudged Jay with his shoulder. “Hey, is he still not responding?”
For a moment, Jay had actually forgotten about checking his phone or about the fact that his best friend was, seemingly, ignoring him. Lee Heeseung, who had been by Jay’s side since they were toddlers struggling to walk a straight line, was seemingly ignoring him.
They didn’t speak much at school (mostly due to the fact that they no longer had classes together) and had fallen into a routine of texting instead. Usually, Heeseung would get in touch with Jay right when he got home, dragging him into a winding conversation about their days with as much passion as texts could pour out. Jay gave him short, clipped answers and mentioned his own friends very rarely. Heeseung was a contrast to Jay’s soft spoken words. Although the boy was shy, he was no longer a fragile flower. He would tumble out paragraphs upon paragraphs on the activities he had to tend to on those days, capitalizing nearly every word and smashing his keyboard in with no end.
Jay loved him for it, even if he had changed over the years.
Change was only normal, Jay was very much aware. Heeseung had grown to become more likeable, more sociable , while Jay hadn’t budged. He had remained as he was—just as he’d always been. And soon enough, Jay began to suspect that Heeseung was growing away from him, too.
“No,” Jay flipped his phone over to make sure. “No reply.”
“But he’s posting shit on Instagram?” Riki shoved another handful of chips into his mouth, slurring his words when he said, “What an asshole!”
“No no, his friend is posting stuff,” Jay corrected quickly, always the first to jump to Heeseung’s defence. “They’re at his house.”
“He should still have the decency to reply.”
Riki swallowed his chips down and took a swig of a can of coke afterwards. Jay belatedly wondered if he should’ve been policing Riki’s food choices, but then squashed the idea down. He was Riki’s friend, not his damn father. Besides, if there was anyone in the room who should be lecturing him, it would be Jake.
As if on cue, Jake tore his eyes off of Sunghoon and squinted at Riki. “How many bad meal choices have you been making? Drop the coke and stick to the chips.”
“Riki can do whatever he wants,” Sunghoon spoke up, splaying out more lines on whatever he was drawing.
“Dickhead,” Jake whispered under his breath.
Jay pulled his phone close to his face, inspecting the new Instagram post that Yang Jungwon, one of Heeseung’s close friends, had set forth on his timeline. It was a selfie of the both of them, peace signs beside their faces and comfy smiles lingering on their lips.
As much as Jay wanted to bury the feeling, he missed the times when that smile was directed at him. He barely got to see Heeseung these days, much less the way his eyes lit up when something piqued his interest or made him happy.
Enough already, Jay groaned.
He promptly passed his phone over to Riki, who took it with a quizzical look. He didn’t explain why he rid himself of the device and Riki didn’t ask. The youngest simply tucked it under his arm, offering Jay a chip from his chip bag.
The clock dangling in the living room ticked on as Jay lounged on the couch, one leg slung over one end and eyes securely shut. He was running on a minimum of six hours of sleep because Jake and Sunghoon had taken forever to get off of each other’s backs. They bickered until the later hours of the night, Riki being the one to tug the two apart and send them home.
Jay really didn’t feel like driving to school. He wasn’t even confident that he could.
“Where’s the closest bus stop?” Jay spoke to no one but himself. “And… when will the next bus get there?”
He wasn’t shameless. There was nobody present in the humble two story single family home in which Jay resided in, alongside both of his parents. They were at work while he wasted away the minutes before he had to haul ass to his high school. So, he was free to say or do whatever he pleased.
Just when Jay was about to fish his phone out of his pocket to assess his chance to catch the next bus, someone knocked on his door.
He checked the time on the clock. 7:53 AM. Who the hell knocked at his door at this hour? His neighbours most definitely wouldn’t. He barely spoke to them. They had no reason to seek him.
“Coming!” Jay called out.
A huff escaped his lips and he begrudgingly hoisted his ass off of the couch, the leather squeaking under his shifting weight. He dragged his slippered feet across the hardwood flooring and made his way towards the door. Without halting to check the peephole, Jay swung it open.
Oh.
“Heeseung,” Jay breathed out, nearly dropping his phone in the process.
“Hey. I’m sorry I came on short notice but I… I read your text really late last night and I wanted to reply but I didn’t want to wake you up,” Heeseung rambled, wringing his hands together in front of his ironed out uniform. “I’m sorry.”
His hair was in fluffy tufts, some blue-ish locks trickling down his forehead. Big ebony doe eyes gleamed back at Jay, an apologetic undertone making them shine in an all too familiar way. Heeseung was being eaten with guilt. Jay nearly disintegrated into the ground after Heeseung flashed him a tentative smile. Those goddamn perfect teeth that had put themselves on display over the years, still white as ever.
“I thought that you were ignoring me,” Jay teased, raising an eyebrow for good measure.
“No! Oh my God, Jay.” Heeseung shook his head vigorously. “Never. I would never ignore you.”
The reassurance certainly caused a flaring hot stripe to sneak up on Jay’s neck, probably overtaking his ears as well. He knew damn well when he was flushed and right now, Lee Heeseung was the sole reason for it.
Multiple cases of his easy spilling blushes were because of Heeseung, and they happened quite often over the years. Whether it had come while Heeseung was drawing sloppy puppy paws on Jay’s palm when they were younger, or when Heeseung snaked a hand around Jay’s waist to get around him at the high school’s cafeteria, Jay was gone. He had been gone for a while. And, sometimes, he found himself wondering if Heeseung was gone for him too.
But that was nearly impossible. Heeseung wasn’t in his league anymore.
His love language is physical touch. The thought crawled to the forefront of Jay’s head before he could snatch it back. He recalled the small piece of information from an online quiz they had taken back in eighth grade.
Jay reached out for Heeseung’s hands and Heeseung let him, unfolding his fingers and curling them to hold onto Jay instead. His eyes became much softer, his body releasing the pent up tension tangled in his muscles. For good measure, Jay drew small circles on the back of Heeseung’s hands with the pads of his thumbs. He was trying to reassure the older boy in a different way—with touch over words—that they were okay. Their friendship was okay.
“Let me give you a ride?” Heeseung said quietly. The same benign tone he always used with Jay.
“Alright,” Jay returned the smile that had somehow made it to Heeseung’s Cupid bow lips.
The ride to their high school was spent in silence, aside from the music humming from the speakers hidden around the car’s cabin. Heeseung had given Jay the choice of songs, so Jay took the opportunity to use the playlist that they’d been sharing for about four years, a mix of both Heeseung taste and Jay’s.
Pulling up to the parking lot, there were a lot of eyes on them. Heeseung had unintentionally climbed up the popularity rank at Decelis, and by the way he shyly gave them small waves as they called his name from their parked cars was an indication that he still wasn’t used to the attention. Jay slunk into his seat while the eyes of the students subtly roved over him, some sparing him confused glances.
Heeseung drove them into an empty slot and put his car in Park. He jumped out way before Jay was even ready to leave or was able to thank him for the ride, and Jay would’ve been lying if he had said that he wasn’t the least bit disheartened. He released a small sigh and unplugged his phone from the car’s charging port, shoving it into his backpack.
Suddenly, the passenger door jerked open and Heeseung was waiting on the other side, holding his hand out.
“Come on,” Heeseung laughed as Jay hesitated. He grabbed onto Jay’s hand which was limply extended to him, pulling the boy out of the car. “I’m not going to bite you.”
Jay managed to roll his eyes, profusely fighting back the burning stares currently searing through his skull and every part of his body. Heeseung was the center of attention, whether he acknowledged it or not. Since he was in Heeseung’s presence, Jay was automatically a target for attention as well.
“Let me,” Heeseung snatched Jay’s backpack and draped it over one shoulder.
They began to walk down the parking lot, side by side. Jay couldn’t remember how long it had been, seeing as Heeseung was constantly occupied with his duties as a member of the basketball team and handling the fame he had acquired over time. It felt nice.
“What class do you have first?” Jay asked. He knew, but he wanted to hear Heeseung’s voice.
Heeseung knew that Jay knew, but he entertained him anyway. “English.”
“Seriously, how is that still your favourite subject?” Jay scrunched his nose, accidentally brushing their shoulders together while they walked.
“Yep. It’s not my fault I’m so amazing at writing down paragraphs of flowery bullshit.”
A laugh crept up and through Jay’s mouth, the sound filling the warm breeze hanging in the air. Jay covered his mouth right after, and he noticed that Heeseung had been laughing with him, albeit silently.
“You can’t judge me when Social Studies is still your baby,” Heeseung adjusted Jay’s bag. “It’s so boring!”
Jay snagged his bag off of Heeseung’s shoulder just as they entered through the double doors of the school. “Don’t talk about Social Studies like that!”
“Okay okay, I’m sorry,” Heeseung snickered, giving into Jay easily. He always had.
There was a silence ready to engulf them, but Jay shoved it away and asked, “Do you have a date for homecoming yet? It’s close by.”
“No,” Heeseung answered.
“But everyone wants you. How can you not have a date?”
Heeseung pursed his lips and seemed to be giving it a thought. Then he shook his head. “Just because. I don’t.”
“Do you think he’s waiting for you?” Riki sidled up to Jay, leaving a large space at the other end of the bench.
They were seated outside for their lunch break, munching on their meals while Jake was sprawled out on the grass field in front of them, Sunghoon sitting beside him and using him as a makeshift desk. Sunghoon’s sketch pad was propped on top of Jake’s abs and he was blissfully doodling away. The older one didn’t seem to mind the intrusion.
“What’re you on about?” Jay wiped the corner of his mouth. “Why would Heeseung be waiting for me?”
“To be his date, idiot,” Riki smacked him across the top of his head.
“I don’t know,” Jay answered honestly, shuffling over to put some more space in between him and the freakishly tall child he had as a friend.
“This is your chance. Ask him to go!” Riki lightly kicked Jay’s foot. “You’ve been pining over him for god knows how long, and this is the perfect opportunity.”
Riki was right. Jay had long ago come to terms with his feelings for his childhood companion, but the friendship was too delicate, too important to Jay. He couldn’t make the first move to risk all of it. To dump more onto it, Jay was more than ninety-nine percent certain that Heeseung’s friends had already made plans with him.
Jay winced at the thought.
Sunoo and Jungwon were good people, as far as Jay could tell. He was thankful that Heeseung was surrounded by them, and by the people who were awed by him. But, a selfish part of Jay missed the times when Heeseung was by his side. Not just for a few minutes or over text, but constantly.
He doesn’t have time for me, Jay chewed the inside of his cheek. He wouldn’t be waiting for me, of all people.
He wondered if Heeseung missed him too. Did he miss their dates to Internet cafes? Did he miss the way Jay used to cook for him when he came over on the weekends? Did he miss their late night talks up at their old treehouse? Then he threw the thoughts out of his mental window. He had a sandwich to focus on eating.
“No,” Jay bit off another portion of his sandwich. “I’m not going to do anything about homecoming.”
Jay swore he was about to knock out from the flash of the camera his mom was hoisting up into the air. She had insisted on taking a million photos from their old Canon camera because this was the first and probably only time that Jay would be clad in a three piece suit and fancy dress shoes.
He posed against the fireplace in their living room, confident in his black blazer and pearly white dress shirt underneath. His bow was snug around his neck thanks to his dad’s help. He struck a few wacky poses before he got down to business, putting himself in the mindset of a model.
His mom showed him the photos once they were done with their mini photoshoot. It was an understatement to say that Jay was satisfied. He looked good, even to his own standards.
Guess homecoming could do that to a person.
Which was exactly why Jay nearly tripped over his own feet when he spotted Heeseung standing idle in front of Decelis, donning his own suit and tie. His blue hair was swept into style, parted somewhere left of center, leaving his forehead exposed. There wasn’t any sign of a date that Heeseung had brought with him. He was merely standing there while the party raged on behind the walls of the school, looking out into the parking lot with his innocent eyes. What was he searching for?
“Jay!” Heeseung immediately sprang into action once he spotted Jay making his way to the school’s front steps. He was quick to grab Jay’s wrist and began to pull him away from the entrance of the school. “Come with me.”
“What?” Jay glanced back in the direction of the school’s front doors which were flanked with blue and white balloons and a homecoming banner hanging above. “Aren’t you going to the party? Where are you going?”
Heeseung stopped for a second, gripping Jay’s hand tighter and spinning around to face him. “Will you ditch homecoming with me?”
The idea was absurd. Homecoming was something that everyone looked forward to, not something that people tried to run away from. Nonetheless, Jay wouldn’t have been content spending his time with faceless people at a typical high school gathering. He would always choose Heeseung if he could.
“Okay,” Jay nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”
With his confirmation, Heeseung continued to walk further and further away from where everyone else was, where their friends were probably downing sweet punch drinks and clearing out the buffet.
It was just the two of them.
When Jay thought that it couldn’t get any more nostalgic, Heeseung had driven them to his house, dragged Jay out of the car, and slipped into his backyard where they both knew their old treehouse lay afloat. In an oak tree in the smack dab center of Heeseung’s lawn, Jay could see the faint outline of their treehouse and the creaky ladder dropping down from its foundation.
“Are you sure that you’d rather be here?” Jay scrambled after Heeseung, who was bounding to the base of the ladder with striking confidence. “Your friends are at the homecoming.”
Heeseung paused, his foot on the second rung and an immediate frown on his face. “Who cares about them?” He said without spite.
“You.” Jay stopped on the other side of the ladder, their bodies separated by the rungs between them. “You’ve been caring about them since junior year, more than you care about me, sometimes.” It took him a moment to realize he had spoken his thoughts aloud, and his eyes widened.
He wasn’t quite aware of where his blatant honesty had spurred from, but a part of him that wasn’t panicking was glad to get it out of the way. That was what had happened to them. Heeseung had begun to put other people first, and Jay kept sliding down the ranks of friendship until he merely became a text-buddy.
Jay was expecting an argument, some sort of spark igniting in Heeseung and an outburst to occur. It wouldn’t be typical for Heeseung to perform such erratic behaviour—Jay didn’t know why he was expecting anything of the sort. Maybe he wanted them to fight.
The older boy didn’t jump to his own defence, nor did he make any move to deck Jay in the face. Heeseung slipped his hand through the gap in between the rungs and took Jay’s hand in his. “I know, Jay. I know.” He held Jay’s pain-stricken eyes for a second more before he unlocked their hands and continued to clamber up the rungs, pulling himself closer to the entrance of their treehouse. “I’m trying to make it up to you, so get up here.”
Jay came around the ladder and had a clear view of Heeseung’s ass. “Is it even safe to go up there? What if it breaks?”
“It won’t. I’ve been here enough times over the past few months to confirm that.”
He’s been up here? Alone? Why?
Though the questions were tugging at his tongue, Jay bit them back and secured his foot on the first rung. It didn’t creak or show any signs of wearing as he went from the first rung to the second, or second to third, or third to fourth. He kept going higher and higher until he managed to poke his head through the trapdoor coming out of the treehouse’s floor. Heeseung offered him a hand which he gladly took.
On one spring afternoon, after Jay had failed his seventh grade midterm exam, Heeseung had taken him to the same treehouse that they were cramming themselves into now. The blue-haired boy had tossed him a hammer and they took their rage for the school system out on the solid oak wood planks, eventually tearing a hole through the floor. It was later polished into a near perfect square and turned into their official “front door.”
The both of them had definitely grown over time. They took up two times more space than they used to, so they barely had space to move around. Jay’s legs were awkwardly slotted in between Heeseung’s, his small frame curling up while Heeseung’s taller build sat sentry in front of him. One look at the shiny coating covering the planks underneath them told Jay that his pants were safe from any dust bunnies. Heeseung had been keeping the place in check.
“I’ve been a dick lately, haven’t I?” Heeseung ducked his head down.
Jay adjusted his position and accidentally brought himself closer to Heeseung. He had the sudden urge to shuffle back, but the heels of Heeseung’s shoes tapped the upper half of his butt and he was caged in. When he met Heeseung’s eyes, the boy was staring at him intently, waiting for his question to be accompanied by an answer.
“Uh… well…” Jay hesitated. No. He had it right on his lips but he couldn’t. “Is that why you brought me here? You wanted to talk about… our friendship or whatever?”
Heeseung winced. “I miss you. And I’ve… I’ve noticed lately, that I give too much of myself to everyone else but you.”
“So, you ask me to ditch homecoming with you?” Jay smiled warily. What was happening? Where was Heeseung trying to go with this?
“I’m sorry that we grew apart over this year.” Heeseung tore his neat tie off of his neck. “I just… I thought that you were starting to get too good for me.”
Jay jerked his head up and squinted his eyes at Heeseung. “What the hell are you talking about?
“You’ve become even more attractive since we started junior year.”
“I have not. ”
Jay was mortified. Maybe a little bit stunned and a tiny bit relieved, but he was flabbergasted at the older boy’s words.
Heeseung held a fist up and popped his index finger out. “Joining Decelis’ debate club?” He popped another finger out. “The speeches you write up for the celebrations?” Another finger popped out. “And the Social Studies projects you confidently present to your class? Yes. Yes, you have.”
“How do you know about my presentations?” Jay quirked a brow, catching Heeseung in a net.
The other boy froze in his spot and scratched the back of his head, laughing a bit shyly. “Maybe I’ve walked past your class once or twice and observed.”
Jay feigned utter and complete shock, smacking Heeseung’s arm in the process. “You creep!”
“HEY!” Heeseung stifled another giggle and tried to hold himself upright as Jay lended more hits to his arm. “It’s not my fault that the boy I like catches my attention!”
What did he just call me?
“What did you just call me?” Jay spluttered.
“The boy… I like.” Heeseung pointed a finger in Jay’s direction. “You. You’re… I like you.”
Jay grasped Heeseung’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Say it again, I didn’t quite hear you the first time.”
Without another word, Heeseung closed the space between them and pushed his lips up to meet Jay’s. The both of them had never kissed anyone before, so it didn’t exactly send fireworks bursting through Jay’s eyelids. But he was certain that his stomach was exploding as he felt Heeseung’s warm mouth on his.
Heeseung pulled away from Jay sooner than the younger one expected. When Jay managed to force his eyelids open he found Heeseung’s eyes blown wide open and lips glistening under the fairy lights hanging over their heads. There was a faint tint of red dusted over the older boy’s cheeks.
“What was that?” Jay snickered, watching Heeseung’s face drop into a teasing frown.
“A kiss— is that not how it works?” Heeseung chuckled and threw his head into Jay’s lap, his body stuttering with laughter. “It was bad, wasn’t it?”
Jay stroked his fingers through Heeseung’s silky locks of hair, playing with the strands. “I’m sure that we can do better.”
The tip of Jay’s thumb nudged Heeseung’s face back up to meet him, and then Jay was leaning in on his own accord this time. He mustered up the courage to try and incorporate what he had learned from watching TV and what he had read in fanfictions at two in the fucking morning. The boxes were being checked off.
Jay gently bit down on Heeseung’s lower lip, prodding the boy’s mouth for access to which was granted to him. His body had somehow gotten closer to Heeseung, and soon enough, he was practically sitting in his lap, bracketing Heeseung in his spot. He felt two arms circling around his waist and pulling him down as their lips continued to dance around in a tango of tongues and muffled sighs. Jay found his fingers tangling into Heeseung’s hair, messing up the perfectly gelled style from earlier.
“How long?” Jay asked after they broke away for a quick breath.
“My parents are out right now, so we have all night to do whatever the hell you want without anyone looking for us,” Heeseung smirked slyly, a look that Jay wasn’t accustomed to, but he already loved it.
Jay laughed, something soft and as sweet as honey. “No, Heeseung. How long have you liked me for?”
“Hmm…” Heeseung tilted his head to one side. There was a glint in his eyes. “Why don’t you let me show you just how long I’ve been waiting?”
Jay grabs a fistful of the collar of Heeseung’s dress shirt, dragging him in and kissing his plush lips for the third time. “Gladly.”