Work Text:
It was nighttime in New York City, and in the house of the Freelance Police, both Sam and Max were fast asleep. Sam was having dreams of noir fantasies. Meanwhile, Max was having is personal favorite recurring dream, the one where he was a rampaging giant going through a unknown enemy city, tearing down buildings and acting like a Kaiju monster.
"AAAHAA!!!" Max yelled as he fired up an atomic breath, destroying an enemy building.
"Great job Max, you've only got a few more buildings to go!" Sam's voice called out as Max continued his rampage.
"Thanks Sam!" Max said as he punched a hole in Mecha-Max. All of a sudden, Max began to hear ungodly banjo music coming from his head. Max covered his ears, but the banjo music just wouldn't stop. Eventually, Max woke up.
"AAAAAAAAH!" Max said as his eyes popped open. It was around morning.
"Max, are you okay?" Sam said drowsily as he was also woken by Max's screaming.
"Ah, it's nothing Sammy." Max said as he looked at his husband.
"Oh, alright." Sam said.
"We've still got a bit of time before we've got to go into work, do you want to get up?" Max said.
"In a bit... Let me catch some more shut-eye, I was having a really good dream..." Sam muttered.
"Alright." Max said as he went to the kitchen, and started brewing a pot of coffee. He could only have decaf coffee though, regular coffee made him too hyperactive. Max flicked the switch on the coffee maker, and did the magic. Eventually, he poured his cup of coffee, and poured it all down his gullet in one gulp.\
"Ah, the joys of decaf coffee!" Max said as all of a sudden, the banjo music started playing in his head again.
"The hell is this?!" Max said as he tried to figure out why something that sounded like Sam's ungodly banjo playing was running through his head. Just then, he started hearing a voice in his head.
"ALLLMOOOST HEAVEN, WEST VIRGINNNIAAAA...." Sam's droning voice played through out Max's head. Max finally realized what it was. It was from last night, when Sam had decided to serenade Max with his banjo. Of course, Max didn't want to hurt Sam's feelings, so he sat through all of it. Max now realized that was a very bad idea.
"Goddamn it!" Max said as he threw his mug down. It didn't break because most of their mugs were plastic and not ceramic. Just then, Sam came out.
"Morning little buddy." Sam said as he ruffled his husband's head.
"Morning Sam, giving my head a static charge?" Max said.
"Well, you know how it is Max." Sam said.
"I always wanted to be a living taser!" Max said.
"Yeah, really?' Sam said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
"Of course Sam, it would be the..." Max said as all of a sudden, he started mummering the song stuck in his head.
"You saying something Max?" Sam said as he took a sip of his coffee.
"Oh, nothing Sam!" Max said as he caught up his mind.
"We've got to go to the office soon, you want to get breakfast on the road?" Sam said as he finished his coffee.
"You know it Sam! C'mon, let's go, and I'm driving this time!" Max said.
"Next time we need to catch a fleeing criminal at a rapid pace, little buddy." Sam said.
"Oh fine!" Max said as Sam got dressed and brushed his teeth. The two then got in the DeSoto, and got breakfast on their way to the office.
"So what do you want Max?" Sam said.
"Uuuh, the West Virginia special." Max said.
"What?" Sam said.
"I-I mean the Atomic Fireball special!" Max said.
"Alright!" Sam said as the DeSoto pulled up to the drive-thru. Sam realized there might be something wrong with Max. He then ordered for him and Max. Afterwards, the two made their way to the office, and ate breakfast there.
"Another boring day begins, ain't that right Max?" Sam said as he put his legs up on his desk.
"Max?" Sam said as he noticed Max was staring off into space.
"C'mon bonehead!" Sam said as he got up and slapped Max in the head.
"Oh, hey Sam!" Max said.
"Max, what were you doing?" Sam said.
"Oh, I was just deep in thought!" Max said.
"Deep in thought? Max, I don't think you've ever done that before in your life." Sam said.
"Ugh, fine! There's a song stuck in my head!" Max said.
"Holy apples on orchards in Michigan! Really?!" Sam said.
"Yes Sam, and it's driving me crazy! How do I get rid of it?!" Max said.
"Well, maybe we should go see Sybil, she might have dealt with this in the past!" Sam said.
"Eh, might work." Max said as the two left their office, and passed Flint Paper, who was practicing with his bowie knife. The two made their way to Sybil's office, with the gaudy neon in it.
"Well if it isn't my favorite gay couple! What can I do for you?" Sybil said as she looked up from the papers she was reading.
"Hey Sybil, Max has had this song stuck in his head for the entire day, can you find a way to get it out?" Sam said.
"Actually, I think I know a way Sam, it's easy!" Sybil said she she took Max to a room.
"Max, this is a soundproof room, we're going to be out there, and all you have to do is yell the song at the top of your lungs, until it goes away." Sybil said.
"Oh really?! It's always been my dream to yell at the top of my lungs in a soundproof room!" Max said.
"Alright, have fun!" Sybil said as she stepped out of the room.
"Where'd you learn that from?" Sam said.
"Oh, I read it in an old comic book." Sybil said as they heard Max yelling.
"How do you think Max got this song stuck in his head?" Sybil said. Sam thought about it.
"Well, now that I think of it, I did serenade Max last night..." Sam said.
"Well there's your culprit." Sybil said.
"Huh, what do you know." Sam said. Max then came out of the room.
"How you feeling Max?" Sybil said.
"Perfect, can't hear the song in my head anymore, now it's only the screams of the innocents within me now, just like normal!" Max said.
"Oh you crack me up little buddy!" Sam said.
"I know I do Sam." Max said.
"Thanks for the help Sybil, we'll be back to the office now." Sam said.
"No problem, take care you two." Sybil said as Sam and Max left her office, and went back to the office.
"Well, now that's over with." Sam said.
"What do we do now Sam?" Max said.
"You want to make out?" Sam said.
"You read my mind Sammy, pucker up loverboy! My lips, your face, right now!" Max said as he began to cover his husband's face in kisses, another normal day for the Freelance Police.
