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"You shouldn't have gotten in the way." Ayato scolded, not bothering to make eye contact as a Watatsumi shrine maiden finished bandaging Thoma's side. She left almost as quickly as Ayato opened his mouth, and somewhere deep down Thoma envied the girl.
"We already did this on the beach my Lord, surely we don't have to rehash it?" Thoma asked, voice small and tired. Ayato scowled, finally looking at him. Thoma had never felt as terrible as he did now, and it had nothing to do with the stitches lining his left side. Ayato had tried to heal it as best he could when there were no more Nobushi, but even Ayato's Hydro abilities weren't enough. Luckily a patrol had been going through the area, otherwise Thoma was half-sure he would have died in his lord's arms.
"That hit was not meant for you." Ayato bit out. Normally Thoma could read him, to an extent, but he had no clue what the other man was feeling besides anger. He also wasn't completely positive whether Ayato was angry at him or the situation, or perhaps the Nobushi.
"What, then, was I supposed to do? Let you die? Because you would have if he had hit you from where you were. I knew I had a chance of surviving so I took the hit. I wasn't getting in the way, my Lord, I was doing my job." Thoma said, sighing as he closed his eyes and relaxing more into the pillows behind him.
"Your job is to take care of the Estate, nothing more and nothing less," Ayato said, almost bewildered, "not to die for me."
"Your death would have been much more devastating than mine." Thoma said, eyes snapping open to glare at the other. "People love you, they look up to you. Your death would have sent panic into everyone at the Estate and your Commission. Lady Ayaka would have me but she would be alone. The last of the Kamisato Clan. Do you really want that? Would you prefer that? We're both alive, so we can drop it." Thoma said, finality in his voice that he knew he didn't deserve to command. Ayato blinked, rage quickly overtaking his bewilderment.
"For fuck's sake Thoma you passed out. You were bleeding out and then you fell asleep. I was terrified. Your death would have mattered as well and it's ridiculous that you can't see that." Ayato said, almost pained if you looked past the anger.
"Why do you even care?" Thoma snapped, not quite noticing the curse that was so out of character for the other, his endless patience finally thinning and tearing into two.
"Because I'm in love with you!" Ayato shouted, incredulous.
Thoma stopped, eyes going wide in a mirror of Ayato. Thoma blinked, mouth hanging ajar as he processed what Ayato had said. He swallowed, about to speak before he saw Ayato's mind process and his expression shutter closed into something more characteristic of the Clan head.
"Forget I said that. That's an order." Ayato said, rising from his seat and leaving the room.
Thoma wanted to call after him, but the order- he felt his heart shattering into pieces and tears start to fall. How could Ayato do that? How could Thoma forget? Surely he knew Thoma felt the same, Ayaka had had to give him pointers on how to be more subtle- so why had he asked that of him? Was it a matter of status? Of birth?
Did Ayato not want to be in love with him?
Thoma worked his jaw, trying to see past the tears. Perhaps he should get some rest.
-
A month later Thoma had, for the most part, followed the order given to him. It was relatively easy, since Ayato had left almost immediately upon them getting back to the estate. Ayaka said it was for the best, after Thoma told her what had happened, citing her brother needing time. But it still hurt, that Thoma knew. He barely left the confines of the estate, only going to get supplies and groceries as needed. The few staff that worked there could handle running things considerably well, considering Thoma had been the one teaching them how, so he did something he rarely did and passed everything but cooking for him and Ayaka and making the patterns in the sand outside off to them. They could handle it, and if they couldn't they would come to him.
But Thoma didn't expect the return of Ayato to interrupt his cooking. He should have, realistically, but making the food he was currently had always been a precarious art and he had been distracted.
"My Lord, welcome home. Would you like anything specific for dinner?" Thoma asked after rising from his bow. Ayato looked the same as always, but there was a hesitance he could notice underneath it all.
"No, whatever you're making is fine. Just bring a cup of tea when you come to deliver the food. You'll be eating with me tonight." Ayato told him. Thoma could barely nod before Ayato was gone. He pushed back the urge to sigh, going to make sure there was enough food for a third person. There was, because Thoma had gotten used to Ayato randomly coming back a long time ago. He was sort of nervous, eating with Ayato now, but he mostly felt sad.
Delivering Ayaka's food first, Thoma started to try to build mental walls as he walked to Ayato's room. It probably wouldn't do much, but it'd be embarrassing for Thoma to cry in front of Ayato.
"Come in." Ayato called after Thoma announced his presence. Easily sliding the door open Thoma set about arranging the food and tea on the table. As he finished, Ayato started staring at him.
"Is everything alright, my Lord? I can make a different kind of tea if you'd like." Thoma said, meeting his gaze. Ayato shook his head, gesturing for the blonde to sit down. Thoma did, silently waiting for Ayato to speak as they both ate their food.
"I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you in Watatsumi." Ayato said, putting his chopsticks down for a moment to sip his tea.
"It's o-"
"I'm not done." Ayato interrupted him, and Thoma went silent once more. "I should have… been kinder, circumstances considered. I was scared of losing you. When you fell asleep I thought I did. My emotions were, admittedly, rather all over the place." Ayato continued, breathing in. "You are worth more to me than your role as the housekeeper of the Kamisato Estate. You are worth more to me than your hobby of fixing things and acting as a mediator to the citizens of Inazuma. I had thought, perhaps, that you thought of me at the very least as a friend, but… when you said that you were just doing your job my heart broke, somewhat." Ayato finished, taking another sip of tea and looking at Thoma. Thoma shifted in place, a bit uncomfortable. Was he supposed to talk about Ayato's confession or not?
"I… was not aware you wanted me to be your friend. I wanted that, but it always seemed such a far fetched idea." Thoma answered. Ayato suddenly looked very exhausted.
"I rescind my last order." He said quietly, and Thoma blinked up at him in surprise. "That was… unfair to you. I know your feelings for me, at least to a degree, and I…" Ayato continued, sighing in annoyance. "I am still unsure if you'd truly want me." He said, looking like the admission had been difficult. Thoma touched Ayato's hand, adoration clear in his eyes.
"I would want nothing more actually. I'd really like to be yours." Thoma admitted, voice almost as small as it had been in Watatsumi. Ayato looked at him in surprise, but it quickly turned into something fond and wanting.
"Then it shall be." Ayato said, raising Thoma's hand to kiss at the wrist normally covered by Thoma's glove.
Thoma beamed.