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When Punz comes home, after a long day of errands and meetings, he expects to see Sapnap in the living room, where he usually waits for the other to return. The longer Dream has been kept in prison, the lonelier they two seemed to get, craving and receiving relief only from each other.
George is asleep most of the time, and when he is awake, he is distant, talking about his dreams as if they are real- as if they’ve happened. Sapnap and Punz simply sit beside him as he rants freely, not being able to separate his own dreams from reality, glancing worriedly at each other.
With George and Dream not there, the two only have each other. They do everything they can together, trying to maintain a routine. Waking up, training until they get tired, then they go about their day since they have responsibilities to attend. They usually meet after a long day in the living room, tiredly enjoying each other’s silence, searching for comfort between unsaid words.
So, Punz was expecting to find Sapnap in the living room, but he wasn’t expecting the angry expression the younger had on his face. Even after tough days, Punz and Sapnap always greeted each other with a smile, merely because the outside world is hostile, and they are relieved to be finally home. They are each other’s family, always have been, now more than ever since they’re all they’ve got left.
Punz quietly shuts the door behind him, attempting to not startle the younger, who seems to be lost in his thoughts. He waits a moment before addressing it, removing his armor, and putting it aside, next to the groceries he bought. He sits on the couch silently, beside his friend.
“You okay?” he asks him, attempting to get his full attention by shaking his shoulders a bit. The arsonist still stares blankly into nothing, a distressed expression on his face. He doesn’t answer for a bit, seemingly not even hearing the older. Just as Punz is about to ask again, he receives an answer.
“I-“ Sapnap starts, choking on his words. He sighs shakily. “I visited Dream today.” He explains plainly, yet he winces as his voice trembles. Any other person, someone who might not know Sapnap as Punz does, would think the younger is angry based on his expression and tone. They would think his voice shakes with anger, and his hurt, distant expression is so he doesn’t burst and start yelling.
But Punz knew Sapnap, and he could see the regret behind the other’s eyes. He could hear the sorrow in his tone, masked by fake anger. He also knew better than to assume the other was angry because he wasn’t truly angry that often.
Sapnap always found it easier for him to mask his emotions with anger, his fake rage guards him against having to talk about his other emotions- emotions far more complicated than it, emotions he was never able to truly comprehend and express successfully. But Punz can, and he can see beneath the guarding layers. They had known each other for long enough to know how to do that.
It took a lot to actually make the arsonist angry. Sure, he’s got the reputation of an unforgiving killer, but so did Punz. The both of them, two of the strongest people on the server, were frequently judged for the things they did to get themselves in their position, the things they did to gain control.
They had to make difficult decisions in the past and help their dearest friend as he makes mistakes that cost him his freedom. But the people on the server were also hypocrites, and they had no right to judge anyone.
They’ve all done bad things. Some worse than others, sure, but in some way, they all deserved to go to prison, not just Dream. Punz and Sapnap only helped them all catch him so he can get better because frankly, he went too far and dragged them all with him. They just want him to be himself again, their friend again, someone who’s able to joke and enjoy peace, not someone whose fear and voices always crave violence.
Punz knew Sapnap wanted to visit Dream, but the younger didn’t tell him when he was going to do that. They’ve talked about visiting him but have decided that they should do it separately.
They both betrayed Dream in some way and knowing him and how he changed, they know it’ll take a very long time until he forgives them and sees why they did what they did. They hope their brother would be able to eventually do that.
“How is he?” Punz asks curiously, but it takes minutes for Sapnap to be able to form words to describe what he had just encountered, two hours ago, standing in Dream’s cell. What the raven had said, what he had threatened to do.
“He didn’t even talk to me.”
Punz raises his eyebrows in confusion, “What do you mean? Like he couldn’t talk to you, or he just didn’t want to?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” Sapnap shrugs and takes a deep breath in. “He looked bad, Punz. Like he is about to collapse.” He adds with a heavy tone, still not fully uncovering what happened in that cell, still trying to avoid it. The arsonist knows he will tell the older, but he can’t help but try and escape it for as long as he can. He doesn’t know how Punz might react, since he is pretty shaken up himself.
“Do you think he’s sick or something?” Punz questions, his concern already building all kinds of scenarios, surfacing his mind with all kinds of images of his former friend. He remembers that Dream has always had the worst immune system out of the friend group.
He can imagine how sick he can get in there, and he asks himself why did he not consider it when he turned on his brother, sending him to a dirty, poorly cleaned, full of germs, prison cell, with all kinds of illnesses and no medicine and no friends to put cold cloths on his head to reduce his fever or tie his long hair in a bun when he’s throwing up for hours due to a stomach bug, or anyone to catch him when he faints during training because he got so sick he can barely-
Punz is snapped back into reality by Sapnap’s quiet tone, “I don’t know Punz.”
“That’s okay, I can go tomorrow and see it for myself. Maybe we can talk to Sam if he really is sick, try and get him some medicine-“
“I told him I will kill him.” Sapnap confesses, as his words shake with what Punz now fully knows is guilt. Unshed tears are watering the younger’s eyes, threatening to fall. Punz immediately straightens up when he hears that, Sapnap’s tone dissolving his anxious thoughts and making him focus on the present, on his friend who’s not locked up in prison.
“Why?”
“I told him that if he escapes I- I will kill him.” Sapnap studders as his unshed tears begin to fall, turning into quiet sobs, shaking his body with emotions. Punz doesn’t care what led to this threat, not right now, though he’s sure they’ll talk about it later. All he cares about right now is to comfort his friend, who he had pulled into a tight hug.
The last time Sapnap cried like that was the day they betrayed Dream when the two were hugging each other so tightly because they couldn’t stand the guilt they felt, not knowing if they did the right thing or not.
“I didn’t really mean it-“ he mutters while sobbing, “I just want him to get better.”
“I know.”
“He just, he was writing on this- this book, and he said that he’ll get out, and I-“ Sapnap says between shuddered breaths and sobs, but he is quickly stopped by Punz’ reassuring voice.
“It’s okay, Sap, we’ll talk about it later, after you calm down a bit.”
He lets Sapnap cry on his shoulder for as long as he needs until the soft sobs finally subside and the younger calms. Then, he grips his shoulders as they both move through their house, getting into Sapnap’s room in an attempt to help the younger get some rest. Sapnap hazily does as he is told, getting under the covers. Punz sits on his bed quietly until he sees the steady rise and fall of his friend’s chest.
Then and only then, he lets himself relax. Having to come back home to see his friend in this state was stressful for him, he has always felt very protective and responsible for everything going on with his friends. Even though people tend to think of Punz as cruel and mean, he would like to think that he is sympathetic, especially towards the people he cares about.
He sees just how guilty Sapnap feels for saying what he said to Dream, and he knows there’s a reason he threatened the admin. He can’t help but feel sorry for Dream as well, who must have been somewhat excited to see Sapnap, just for Sapnap to come and threaten to kill him-
As he looks at his sleeping friend, he thinks to himself that he really misses everyone he lost. He misses Dream and George, and generally the friendship he had with them, the friendship they’ve all had with each other. It was so lively and fun, yet they worked together in perfect harmony, which made them great roommates.
That was until Dream started distancing himself, and George started to sleep all day, attempting to escape the painful reality they were all facing, that their friendship was changing for the worse. It was decaying, not evolving.
Comfortable silence became unbearable, and Punz found himself coming home less frequently, making excuses for sleeping elsewhere when the reality was that he didn’t want to come back to the emptiness they’ve all stopped calling home.
He misses the good, old days. Days where all four would go practice together on the beach, days where they jokingly fought around the dinner Dream made. He was the best cook, after all. He even misses the hard days, when they had serious fights, fights brothers tend to have.
He even misses helping Dream when he got, so frequently, sick and was barely able to walk on his own. He misses helping the other walk to the bathroom, drawing calming circles on his back as he throws up, whispering kind, quiet words to him as he tears up.
He misses George and his humor, the way the older would lift their spirits after long days, the way he didn’t take anything too seriously, and even though George didn’t say it much, the way he truly loved and appreciated his friends.
He misses Sapnap, he misses him every day when they both separate, and he misses him until he comes back home where his roommate waits. He misses his encouraging looks during the day, the way it makes Punz feel a lot more confident in his actions and words, the reassurance it brings to his anxiety.
More than everything, Punz misses the way he would come back home, after doing what he was assigned to do that day, to a lovely dinner with his friends. They used that time to catch up, and talk about their day, laugh their hearts out to stupid little jokes, and enjoy each other’s company in the simplest way they could have.
After everyone started fading away, the four barely saw each other, and the house became so incredibly empty until it truly was. Now in the evenings, it was just Sapnap and him by the table, eating a dinner that is not as good as the ones Dream used to make, searching for comfort between unsaid regrets. It was so, unbearably lonely.
But at least they’ve got each other, right? Punz still has someone to look after, someone to come home to, someone to be worried about. He truly doesn’t know what he would do without it, without the purpose of caring for someone. He also feels cared for, around Sapnap, he feels seen and loved, more than he had ever felt. He knows Dream would always be Sapnap’s best friend, they’ve known each other the longest. It’s not a competition, but he truly looks at Sapnap as his own best friend, he has for a while.
He loves all the others, of course. Even Dream, after everything he has done and all that was done to him, he will always love him. But the connection he had with Sapnap was different. They’ve understood each other to a level the others simply couldn’t.
Punz was the only one able to separate the emotions Sapnap portrays and what he truly feels, helping him grow and be able to express those scary emotions in a better way, or at least not shy away from confronting them. Sapnap was the only one who truly understood Punz’s anxiety, helping ground the older when he needed that, providing distractions at other times, and comfort when needed. It may be because they come from similar, violent backgrounds, and it may even be because they’ve been through a lot together.
Punz is sure that after Sapnap rests, and calms, they will talk about everything they need to talk about. Even if it’s hard to do, and he will have to comfort his friend again and encourage him to continue, they must do it. They only have each other, after all, and they’ve got all the time and patience in the world, preserved for one another.
He recalls a favorite memory of his, from a long time ago, when the stars were high up in the sky, shining through the darkness of the night. The four of them were stargazing, staying up late, finding comfort in unsaid gratitude. They were all, so incredibly thankful for each other.
“What would Punz be?” He hears, but he completely zoned out mid-conversation a few minutes ago, and knowing his friends, the conversation drifted to many different subjects than the once discussed before his zoning out.
“What are you talking about?” he jokingly asks, looking at his friends. They’re all laying on their backs, on the roof of the community house.
“We talked about what symbolizes us, like as friends.” Dream explains plainly. Punz wasn’t surprised, since the conversations they had while stargazing often became deep, very quick.
“A compass.” Sapnap suddenly says, and he is greeted with confused expressions.
“A compass?”
“Y’know, because he always like, guides us through the hard decisions and stuff, and points us in the right direction.” Sapnap sincerely responded, his voice genuine. The other two agreed, and Punz couldn’t help but grin a bit at that. He never told that to Sapnap, but it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to him.