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It wasn’t a secret they existed; Sirius just hadn’t been taught that soulmates were a thing. This probably had to do with the fact his parents were the opposite of soulmates and neither had a romantic bone in their entire bodies. It was also likely that neither had the initials of their soulmates somewhere upon their skin.
Sirius wasn’t aware of what would happen the first time his soulmate touched his wrist. He wasn’t sure why suddenly, in neat loopy writing, there were three letters that meant nothing to him. He wasn’t sure how they got there or what the letters stood for, but he did know that his parents would freak out if they found out.
It happened about three months into school. Three months into his new life as a Gryffindor and the new family disgrace. Three months since he met his three new friends who already meant the world to him.
He never had any friends before, other than Regulus if he even counted, and Sirius cherished his new friends as best as he could. They were all very different compared to him and therefore different from each other, but they worked as a small friend group for some reason.
James Potter was loud and energetic. He was a ball of positive energy always friendly to those who deserved it and even some who probably didn’t. James was the first friend that Sirius made back on the Hogwarts express and he was forever grateful for the boy instantly taking to him and showing him that it was okay he was different than his family.
Peter Pettigrew was a funny guy who always knew what to say at the right moment. He could make Sirius laugh when he needed it and even when he didn’t, and he was always around to lend an ear if Sirius needed to vent about his family or something that had happened that particular day.
Remus Lupin was definitely the most different of them all. He tended to keep to himself even when he was around the other guys and when he did speak up, it was entirely in sarcasm and wit. Sirius was enthralled immediately by the odd way he spoke and the fact he never showed more skin than strictly necessary. Even though the boys tried to include him in their conversations as much as possible, Remus never interacted more than what seemed necessary.
Sirius couldn’t remember a time when he had even touched another one of the other boys.
This wouldn’t seem strange if it wasn’t for James Potter and his love language being extreme physical touch. Sirius himself didn’t mind it since he had been deprived of such comfort as a child, but it was definitely more than what someone would consider normal. Sirius was sure that if Peter hadn’t been friends with James as children, he would also find it strange.
Remus however always seemed to avoid the friendly pats on the back or the arms around the shoulders that James was always giving away. He walked a certain distance away from the rest of them down the halls so there was no brushing of the shoulders and he never volunteered his own comforting touch, even when it was clear Sirius needed it.
The first time Remus ever touched another one of the boys, it was three months into the year, and it was Sirius’ left wrist.
He could still remember the moment it happened. He remembered the fact he had discarded his robe earlier and rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, not used to the warm atmosphere of the dorm in the colder months of the year. Remus and Sirius had both been lounging on their separate beds which were side by side arguing about the History of Magic assignment that was due later that week.
Sirius remembered getting annoyed that Remus wouldn’t abandon the homework he was starting early to come join the rest of them down in the common room. Three months into the school year and Remus still hadn’t let up his goody-two-shoes schoolboy act that got on Sirius’ nerves. Remus may not have realized it, but there was more to school than the actual classes.
In a moment of extreme annoyance, Sirius had gotten off of his bed in rough jerky movements and started making his way to the door. Just before he could clear the space between his and Remus’ beds, a warm hand reached out and wrapped around his wrist. Sirius had fairly small wrists meaning Remus’ fingers could touch on the outside of his pale wrist.
The skin-on-skin contact made Sirius freeze in place and look down to the point of contact. As if realizing what he had done, Remus retracted his hand quickly as Sirius dropped the sleeve of his shirt trying to ignore the warmth Remus’ hand left behind.
“I’ll come join you guys in a bit,” Remus mumbled out looking back down at his textbook.
Sirius stayed in the same spot for a few seconds, trying to process what had just happened before nodded slowly and made his way down to the common room where Peter and James had been earlier.
He was quiet as he watched Peter slowly dominate James on the wizard chessboard and finally beat him in the end. James, ever the good sport, clapped Peter on the back and claimed ‘good game’ loudly for half the common room to hear. Once he had praised Peter enough for his clever moves on the board, James turned to Sirius and tilted his head slightly.
“What’s wrong with your wrist?” James asked eyeing where Sirius had been softly rubbing the spot his and Remus’ skin touched just half an hour earlier.
Sirius looked down, not realizing what he was doing, and then back up. “It’s just a little itchy.”
Fifteen minutes later, Remus joined the rest of them bringing down a stack of chocolate frog cards the boys were planning on trading and the day went on.
☆ ☆ ☆
The next morning, while Sirius was pulling on his robes for class, he noticed a flash of black on his wrist where he had been itching the afternoon before. He quickly pulled the arm of his robe down over the mark and made his way to the bathroom where he could get a better look.
Under the new florescent lighting, Sirius pulled back his sleeve again and studied the writing on his wrist. He didn’t recognize it, the loopy way the J curved and attached into L. He also didn’t know what it meant. Did the letters RJL stand for something? Sirius racked his brain, but he came up blank. He also had no idea how it got there. After the incident between their beds, Sirius had kept his sleeves pulled down, trying not to embarrass Remus after initiating physical touch with the boys for the first time.
He concluded that maybe it had just been some spell gone wrong, or that maybe James had written the letters on his wrist after he had fallen asleep. He decided he would ask the boy what it meant the next time they were alone.
Until he could get James alone, Sirius kept the new mark hidden from view in case it meant something bad that he didn’t understand. He went through breakfast and his first two classes before finally cornering James after their lunch block.
“What does this mean?” Sirius asked showing James the RJL etched onto his skin.
James took one look and his eyes widened significantly. “Sirius when did you get this!?” he cried out grasping onto Sirius’ forearm and pulling his wrist closer. Sirius felt the cold metal of James’ glasses hit his skin from having pulled Sirius’ arm so close.
“I don’t know, yesterday?” Sirius said confused as to why James reacted as he did.
“Sirius, do you know what this is!?”
He could do nothing but shrug his shoulders. He didn’t know, that was the entire reason he was asking James.
“This is a soulmate mark! You have a soulmate mark! Sirius, you have a soulmate!”
Sirius’ entire body froze as he stared down in wonder at his own wrist. “A soulmate?” he quietly asked aloud to James. “Soulmates exist?”
James gave a look of pure disbelief. “Do soulmates exist? Of course, they do! My own parents are soulmates. In fact, most wizarding couples are!”
“I’ve never heard of them,” he whispered, still not believing what James was saying.
“Come on!” James shouted gripping his forearm harder and pulling him down the hallway. They made it halfway across the castle before Sirius realized James was taking him to the library. Once they got there, they bypassed all the shelves before reaching the S shelf. James pulled him to the section about soulmates before pulling out three books and taking them over to an empty table.
James started flipping through the first book before finding the page he was looking for and turning the book towards Sirius.
“See look here! Soulmate marks are caused by the reaction of two wizards’ magic after skin-to-skin contact. Your soulmate’s initials appear in the exact spot the point of first contact happens. This person is made for you, your perfect match! Isn’t it romantic?”
Without realizing what he was doing, Sirius started softly rubbing his wrist in the same spot as his soulmate mark. Just as he realized what he was doing, he remembered the last person who touched him in that spot and the warm itchiness that came after it. Was that when the mark appeared?
“Sirius?” James asked pulling the book back and looking carefully at his friend. “Are you okay?”
“I have a soulmate?”
James smiled carefully. “Yes, you do. And whoever has the initials RJL that last touched you on your wrist is that person!” He waited a beat before asking the question Sirius knew he was dying to ask. “Who is it?”
Sirius didn’t answer, instead, he continued to rub his thumb across the mark. He knew that there was only one person his soulmate could be. Was Remus really made for him? His perfect match? He could hardly imagine a world where someone who loved books more than people and barely spoke out of turn could be his perfect match.
Across from him, James kept mouthing ‘RJL’ trying to figure out who Sirius’ soulmate was. Sirius saw the exact moment James realized exactly who it was. His mouth dropped open slightly and his eyes widened as much as they could. “Remus?” he quietly mouthed towards Sirius earning a nod of confirmation. “Your soulmate is Remus?”
“Apparently so,” Sirius whispered back.
James slammed the book shut and jumped up. “This is awesome!”
Was it? Twenty minutes ago, Sirius didn’t know that soulmates even existed and now he was learning that not only did he have one, but it happened to be one of the three friends he had made during his debut at Hogwarts.
“What do I do James?”
“We should tell him!”
Sirius stood up and whisper-shouted, “We can’t tell him! What if he doesn’t want a soulmate?”
The was a pause before, “Do you want a soulmate, Sirius?”
That wasn’t a question that Sirius could answer. He hadn’t had enough time to reflect on what having a soulmate meant or if he wanted one. His soulmate was also a boy which he knew his parents would not be happy about if they ever found out. Sirius decided then that his parents could never find out.
“I need some time to think,” he decided to tell James. “Don’t mention anything to him yet, please?”
“Sure,” James quickly agreed. “Take some time to let it sink in, and then we can decide what to do next.”
They left it at that, putting the books back on the shelf and rushing to their next class before they were late. When they reached Charms class, James and Sirius slipped into the desks behind Remus and Peter. When Remus turned around the greet them, Sirius tried to see him differently than he did the day before. He couldn’t, he was still the same old Remus who had stepped outside his comfort zone yesterday and reached out to Sirius.
Sirius wasn’t sure how Remus would react to the news and he was afraid because of it. He didn’t want to lose one of his only friends at Hogwarts, nor did he want to make things awkward between him and one of his dormmates.
He decided at that moment that not telling Remus was best for the dynamic of their group. He also knew that if he kept it a secret, there was also less of a chance that his parents would find out.
Sirius offered a small smile to Remus before the class started. He realized that his friendship with Remus was more important than this soulmate business was. And he would do whatever he could to keep his friend.
☆ ☆ ☆
After coming back from the Christmas holidays, Sirius had made a decision about what to do about Remus. The entire time he sat at home listening to his mother yell at him for being in Gryffindor, he prayed that she wouldn’t find out that not only was he in Gryffindor, but he had a male Gryffindor soulmate whose initials were marked on his body.
But the more he thought about hiding Remus as his soulmate, he wondered if he was even Remus’ soulmate. After sneaking into his father’s library and finding the one soulmate book they owned, one about the removal of soulmate marks, Sirius learned that unrequited soulmates were a thing. The thought shot a shiver of dread down his spine.
All this led to Sirius’ plan to prove that not only was Remus his soulmate, but he was Remus’.
All he needed was skin-to-skin contact with Remus so his own initials could show up on the boy’s body. The main problem being that Remus didn’t leave any skin showing apart from his neck and face. Sirius liked the idea that people could see that he was someone’s soulmate, but he assumed that Remus wouldn’t appreciate a permanent mark somewhere so visible.
He decided to let James in on his plan, and to help come up with ideas to expose Remus’ skin for him to ‘accidentally brush’. He knew not only would James come up with creative ideas, but he would be excited to help. That boy loved everything and anything that had to do with soulmates and the added fact it was Sirius and Remus he was helping put his enthusiasm through the roof.
“So, here’s the plan,” James said five minutes after Sirius requested his help. “I’m going to dump a goblet of pumpkin juice on Remus’ robes and you’re going to help him out of his wet sticky clothes.”
“Okay,” Sirius agreed, smiling at a smirking James with mischief in his eyes. “Lunch?”
“Lunch.”
But when lunch came around and James fake tripped over his own feet leaving Remus wearing James’ drink, Remus excused himself before Sirius could even offer his assistance. By the time Sirius managed to look through all the bathrooms he could think of, Remus had changed into new dry robes and met them in their Transfiguration class.
“We’ll figure something else out,” James whispered in class trying not to draw McGonagall’s attention.
Something else, as decided by James, was dumping a bucket of water on Remus the next morning.
“Sorry, Remus! That bucket was meant for Sirius,” James fake apologized. He shot Sirius a look that left Sirius scrambling from his bed to help.
“Let me help you out of your wet clothes,” Sirius offered, reaching for his shoulder.
Remus stepped back and held out his hands. “I can handle it myself.”
Sirius didn’t have enough time to insist before Remus retreated to the bathroom to change. James shot him a look that meant ‘sorry that didn’t work mate’. Sirius looked to the bathroom door and back to Remus’ soaked bed then sighed.
“We better clean this up.” Sirius reached for his wand and tried to remember the drying spell he had read about during class. He wasn’t sure the exact incantation, so he guessed the most logical of two and pointed his wand to Remus’ sheets.
What happened next was so sudden because instead of drying Remus’ sheets, he accidentally set them on fire. James and Peter started yelling at Sirius to put it out, but in a moment of shock, he forgot which spell to use. The commotion got Remus’ attention from the bathroom and he came running out with his shirt poorly buttoned leaving some of it hanging off his shoulder.
“Remus I’m so so sorry,” Sirius exclaimed reaching out for his shoulder while they both watched James hand Remus his wand to put out the fire. Remus shrugged off Sirius’ hand so he could perform the proper wand movement.
In the heat of the moment, Sirius didn’t even realize that one of Remus’ shoulders had been bare when Sirius reached forward. He didn’t realize it till Remus fixed his shirt sending all the boys a glare and stomping back to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
“It worked,” James whispered once Peter had left the room to go tell a prefect what happened.
“It worked,” Sirius confirmed feeling the phantom of Remus’ bare skin on the palm of his hands.
James was grinning over at Sirius like a maniac. Sirius tried to force himself to smile back, but there was a knot of worry in his stomach. The first part of the plan worked but now was the waiting part before he put his next step into action. After he gave Remus enough time to possibly find a mark and understand what it could be, he and James would casually bring up soulmates into a conversation to get the wheels turning.
Then Remus exited the bathroom, still looking sour about the bedsheet incident.
“Remus I’m so sorry, I was trying to dry your sheets but–”
“It’s fine Sirius. Really, let’s just get to breakfast.”
Sirius didn’t like thinking that Remus was angry with him, but he knew it was for a good cause. Because by the end of the week, at least Sirius would know if he and Remus were requited soulmates or not.
☆ ☆ ☆
Sirius could barely wait the three days he and James had agreed on before broaching the subject with Remus. As the days went by, Sirius found himself holding back from dumping another bucket of water on Remus to see if there was a black mark on his left shoulder. The only person more nervous about waiting to find out was James, who claimed that soulmates were the greatest things in the world, and he wanted this for his two best friends.
The opportunity finally arose midday on a Saturday when the four boys were lounging on one of the smaller couches in the common room. Sirius had been working up the courage to bring up the topic of soulmates all morning, but he could never find a way to casually introduce the subject.
Eventually, after mentioning how much he missed his mother’s cooking, James brought up the fact his parents were soulmates who met at school. He spoke so casually that no one would think he had intentionally brought up the topic of conversation, but Sirius did and was grateful for his best mate’s conversational skills.
“Soulmates?” Remus asked after James finished recounting the story of when their marks first appeared.
James raised an eyebrow his way and said, “Yeah, you know. Soulmates.”
“Aren’t soulmates just a make-believe idea Muggles came up with?”
“Remus!” James called out jumping up off of the sofa. Sirius thought James could go without the theatrics, but whatever got the point across he supposed. “Soulmates are not make-believe. They’re a real thing in the Wizarding World! When two wizards who are soulmates share skin-to-skin contact, their magic reacts with one another and leaves a mark.”
As casual as he could manage, Sirius watched Remus’ reaction to the explanation he got only a month before. He watched Remus process the information and paid special attention to when James mentioned the magic leaving a mark. His eyes widened slightly, not noticeable if you weren’t paying attention like Sirius was, but he noticed and tried to hide his relief. He was looking for a reaction, right? This meant Remus was putting two and two together.
“A…mark?”
“Yes! In the same spot the skin-to-skin contact happens, your soulmates initials will show up!”
Their part of the common room when uncharacteristically silent. Sirius didn’t dare utter a word, not wanting to disrupt Remus’ train of thought. Though he would pay to find out what the boy was thinking at that moment, he also knew that letting Remus figure out for himself that they were soulmates was probably best. That was, assuming, that Sirius’ initials were currently marked on Remus’ shoulder. Sirius didn’t want to think of the alternate scenario.
“Are soulmates always…romantic?” Remus asked hesitantly after several minutes.
There was another moment of pause following his question before James spoke again. “I suppose not. Soulmates are two people made for each other… I guess they could just be friends. I’ve never met platonic soulmates before.”
Remus’ eyes flickered between Sirius and James before he let out a small smile. “Good to know.”
The conversation trailed off before Peter picked it up asking James about Quidditch and ultimately ending the soulmate talk in favour of James blabbing about the newest stats. Sirius tried to pay attention to whatever was coming out of James’ mouth, but he couldn’t tear his attention from Remus’ thin frame on the couch beside him. He wasn’t invested in the conversation, but that was normal for him. Sirius wondered if he was thinking about what James had said. Sirius certainly was.
He had been so caught up in trying to figure out if he was Remus’ soulmate, that he hadn’t thought about what it would mean when he actually got his confirmation. He liked Remus as a friend, but he was only recently twelve years old, too young for a romantic relationship. Remus’ question about soulmates only being friends made sense, he probably thought that he was also too young for a romantic soulmate. Sirius didn’t mind if Remus only ended up being a platonic soulmate. Even if they only ever were best friends, he still liked that there was someone who was his perfect match, his perfect platonic match.
Remus must’ve felt him staring, because as Sirius was lost in his thoughts, Remus nudged him with an elbow. “You okay? You looked out of it.”
Sirius offered him an easy smile. “I’m grand.”
“Good,” Remus smiled back.
☆ ☆ ☆
Sirius waited another month before bringing it up again. As Valentine’s day approached, Sirius could now hear talk of soulmates anywhere. He wasn’t sure if it was only because he was now aware they existed now or if the upcoming festivities were bringing out the talk in everybody. Either way, Sirius couldn’t go an entire day without someone bringing up the topic around him.
He briefly wondered if all the soulmate talk was getting to Remus as much as it was him, but either way, he was convinced Remus wasn’t going to be the first to bring it up. That was why Sirius decided he would need to bring up the subject himself.
He didn’t ask for James’ opinion this time, he just decided one evening when they were alone in the dorm to go for it. James and Peter had gone exploring so Sirius bet that he and Remus would have enough time for them to talk the situation through.
“What’re you up to?” Sirius asked flipping through the pages of James’ Quidditch magazine.
“Potions homework,” Remus answered mechanically not looking up from his parchment.
Sirius put the magazine down and sat up straighter on his bed. “Do you have a moment?”
That caused Remus to finally look up from his homework. He didn’t verbally answer, but he pushed his book and parchment aside showing Sirius that he had Remus’ entire attention. Sirius took a deep breath before trying to remember the wording he had practiced earlier in the week.
“Soulmates are a hot topic around the castle these days, huh?” Not exactly how he planned to word it, but it worked.
Remus shrugged. “I guess, I don’t pay much attention to gossip.”
“No, I suppose that’s more Peter’s thing.” Sirius let the air hang awkwardly for a moment before trying again. “I guess I was just wondering your opinion on them.”
“What soulmates?” Remus’ amber eyes gave nothing away about what he was immediately thinking. Sirius nodded and waited patiently. “I didn’t believe in them at first.”
“But?” Sirius prompted.
Remus sat up straighter and moved to the edge of his bed. “What is this really about?”
Sirius took another deep breath, “Are you really going to make me say it?”
“How long have you known?” Remus asked instead hinting at the subject at hand without directly coming out and admitting it. It was enough confirmation for Sirius that Remus knew and wasn’t mad about it. It was also enough for him to gather his confidence and continue on.
“You touched my wrist before Christmas. James explained soulmates to me the next day.”
Remus was quiet but nodding. Sirius tried searching for some emotions in his eyes again and still came up with nothing. He wasn’t saying anything, and Sirius wasn’t sure who was meant to talk first. Eventually, Sirius was tired of the silence and he pushed forward.
“It took me a while to wrap my head around it and after I tried to purposely trigger your own mark.”
Remus furrowed his eyebrows in thought. Sirius assumed he was remembering the morning he got his own mark. “You did that on purpose?”
“Not the bed part! Just the water! I promise setting your bed on fire wasn’t my intention!” Sirius said quickly.
“But it worked.”
“Yeah, it worked. And now here we are.”
“Here we are.”
Sirius rose from his bed and crossed the few feet to Remus’ bed. He carefully sat down beside Remus on the edge of the bed and pulled back his left sleeve. The mark that had been there for months stood boldly against his fair skin. Sirius softly rubbed his thumb over the mark, a motion he had been subconsciously doing since the day he got it. Remus carefully reached forward and brushed the tips of his fingers against his own initials. Sirius watched the contrast between Remus’ warm tan skin against the cold temperature and paleness of his own.
“RJL.”
“Remus John Lupin,” Remus supplied for him.
Next, Remus slipped his robes off his shoulder and pulled his shirt slightly to the side. Sirius could only see the B poking out, next to it was a silver scar. Sirius moved his fingers to brush against it, just like Remus had done to him. He did slowly, giving Remus time to pull away if he wanted. He stayed still watching Sirius’ hand move closer and then make contact with his skin in the same spot for a second time.
“It says SOB.”
“Yeah, Sirius Orion Black.”
Remus furrowed his eyebrows again. “Your middle name is Orion?”
Sirius shrugged. “It's my father's name.”
They stayed like that for a few moments. Sirius lightly brushed Remus’ shoulder and Remus brushed his wrist. There wasn’t much physical contact being shared between them, but it was more than enough. The fact Remus wasn’t pulling away from his touch was enough to make him smile softly.
“So, we’re soulmates,” Sirius finally said bringing up the obvious.
“Soulmates,” Remus confirmed, testing out the word in his mouth.
Remus slid his hand up from his wrist and pulled Sirius in by the shoulders. It was a different hug than the ones James would give him, and somehow it meant so much more. Remus, the boy who rarely offered physical touch, was gently hugging Sirius after finding out they were soulmates.
“Platonic soulmates,” Remus said this time, and Sirius nodded against his shoulder, glad they were on the same page.
And though they were different, and Sirius didn’t understand how they were ultimately picked, he was still glad that his soulmate was Remus Lupin. It had only been half a year, but it was enough time for Sirius to realize that he cared for Remus and if he was going to be someone’s perfect match, there wasn’t anybody better than Remus to pair with.
So, by twelve years old, despite whatever his parents or friends would think, Sirius decided that this boy in his arms was one day going to mean the world to him. And the idea that someone could mean so much, didn't scare him one bit. Because if it was going to be anybody, it was going to be Remus.